Hankyung stared in despair at his suitcase in the middle of his single bed. He was, by now, so miserable that he didn't even feel sad anymore, just completely numb. Although, now that he thought about it, the sight of that lone suitcase in the middle of the bed wasn't the worst part of the day. No, that had been in the airport, when one of the guards had told him to take off his gloves.
He shivered at the remembrance, and threaded his fingers on both hands together. Something like that could have been disastrous, although he understood the reasons for it: black leather gloves probably didn't make anyone flying feel safe, but then, taking them off would have been a whole lot worse. Thank god the professor who was escorting him managed to convince the officials otherwise: there was a reason Hankyung never travelled anywhere.
He sighed heavily and sat down next to his suitcase, holding his hand out to stop the case from dropping into the hollow that his weight made and hitting him. He stared until his gaze had become unfocused at the leather gloves on his hands, things that he had become so used to wearing that they were almost like a second skin. He hated everything about them, from the coolness of the material to the way it stretched out at his knuckles when he bent his fingers. They represented something that he wanted to forget, something that he wished he had never been born with: that so called 'power'.
There came a clattering from the hallway, voices loud and bright and happy. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to be back in his bedroom in China, with the thick curtains and that lock that he had forgotten about one time too many and the comforting smell of being alone and not needing to worry about accidently touching someone. He watched the door anxiously, half desperate for no one to come in. He was still fairly certain that his teachers were completely insane for putting him in a room with someone else; what could happen when he made a mistake played on his mind constantly.
Unfortunately, luck was not with him, as it hadn't been for most of his life. There was a knock at the door, almost hesitant, and then the door slowly opened, revealing a tall boy who looked to be at least a year younger, who noticed him sitting on the bed and grinned. There was nothing forced about it, and if Hankyung had allowed himself, he knew that he would have warmed to him immediately. "Hi," said the boy, friendly and welcoming. Hankyung nodded in response.
"Are you Hankyung?" the boy asked, and Hankyung nodded again. "I'm Siwon, I'm your roommate." Hankyung nodded once more. Siwon frowned a little, clearly thrown by his silence, but it wasn't in the way that Hankyung hoped he would be. He didn't decide to give up: he changed his language. "Do you understand?" he asked in Chinese.
Hankyung cursed inside. The whole point of coming to this school was that he could pretend to get by on a language barrier, never having to speak to anyone, only listening to lessons in order to learn the control that he so desperately craved. But this boy spoke his language, and this boy expected an answer.
"Yes," said Hankyung, in Korean, and Siwon's smile practically broke his face in half.
"Good," he said. He noticed Hankyung's suitcase, still closed on the bed next to him. "You haven't finished yet?"
"No," said Hankyung. He figured that the less he said, the less Siwon would want to talk, and the better it would be for Hankyung.
"Do you--" began Siwon, but suddenly there were shouts from the end of the corridor, one person sounding angry, the other sounding amused at their expense. He turned his head a little and then sighed and went to the door to look out at whatever was happening. "Um," he said, glancing back at Hankyung. "Are you okay to finish by yourself?"
Hankyung nodded, and didn't say that he'd prefer to be by himself. Siwon nodded, almost absently, as a bout of laughter sounded, and someone shrieked in annoyance. "Dinner is at seven," said Siwon. "I'll be back to get you to take you down to dinner."
"No," said Hankyung quickly. "I can find my own way there."
Siwon looked at him with some surprise, but just shrugged. "Okay," he said, and then hurried out of the room, shouting; "Hyung, what did you do now?" as he went.
Hankyung got up slowly and made his way over to the door, closing it gently against the noise of the hallway. He wasn't used to that sound, the sound of happiness; he hadn't, after all, been in a school for ten years, and he'd barely been outside for six. For three short years, that sound had graced his house, until he had taken it away.
Suddenly he felt like throwing up at the thought of dinner, at the thought of going out there and communicating with people. He didn't know how to do that, he was out of practise, and to be honest, the thought terrified him. He unzipped his case. Maybe if he took long enough, he could be forgiven for missing dinner. He wasn't hungry anyway.
An hour later, he had managed to stretch it out so only about a quarter of his case was unpacked, but unfortunately he was beginning to have to re-think his plan to only leave his room for his classes. Unable to ignore it any longer, he went to the door and stuck his head out to check whether there was anyone around. The coast appeared to be clear, and it wasn't until he had turned two corners that he realised that he had no idea where he was going, and no idea where he had come from.
He stopped and stared around himself in complete dismay, but the hallway looked exactly the same as all the other hallways. He sighed because he should have known that leaving the room had been a bad idea. He walked up to the end of the corridor in front of him and looked around the corner, but couldn't see anything worthwhile that way, and then heard a loud crash from the corner behind him.
"Fuck!" someone shouted.
"Hyung!" said Siwon's voice, disappointed and offended.
"Well, I'm sorry, Siwon," said the first voice, sounding annoyed. "But you just put a hole in the wall, so forgive me for being over coherent."
"I only leant against the wall," said Siwon, sadly. There was a pause, and Hankyung quietly went to see what was going on.
Siwon and another boy were standing in front of the wall, staring at a large hole which had appeared in it. "It's Kangin's room," said the unknown boy. "He's going to kill you."
"What happened?" asked Hankyung, before he could stop himself.
Their heads shot around to stare at him, Siwon's face white and worried, the other boy's brown eyes suspicious. Hankyung blinked a little at the attractive, feminine face, he hadn't been expecting that from the voice. "Who are you?" asked the boy, voice guarded.
"Hankyung?" Siwon's face seemed to regain some of its colour. "It's my roommate, Hankyung."
"Oh, someone finally decided to live with you?" The other boy looked Hankyung up and down. "Well, good luck with that."
"Hyung," said Siwon, looking at him with an upset look on his face. The boy grinned wickedly at him. "Hyung, what am I going to do?" Siwon seemed honestly scared. "Can you fix it for me?"
"I'm not a miracle worker," said the boy who still hadn't introduced himself. "I don't have the control to do that yet, the pieces are too small to concentrate on."
"But Kangin-hyung will kill me," wailed Siwon, staring morosely at the hole in the wall. Through it, Hankyung could make out a bed, unmade, and a bookshelf. "It's not like anyone else could have done it."
"We'll just have to--" The boy broke off in his sentence, looking down the hallway. There were footsteps. Siwon jumped a little in agitation. "Quick," said the boy. "In here."
He held open the doorway on the opposite side of the hall, revealing a broom cupboard. Hankyung just stared him, not quite sure whether to take him seriously, but apparently he was supposed to, because Siwon just obedientely got into the cupboard, and the stranger took hold of Hankyung's upper arm and tried to pull him in. "Come on," he said. "Don't make me get Siwon to pull you in, he'll take your arm off."
Hankyung looked at Siwon, uncertain, but then stepped into the cupboard, sighing. The boy stepped in behind him, and the door shut quickly, the lock strangely muffled. There was a pause, and then Hankyung said; "What is going on?"
"Quiet," hissed the other boy, and then, in a commanding tone; "Siwon." And Siwon clamped his hand over Hankyung's mouth. Hankyung was so shocked by this sudden move that he didn't even react other than being quiet.
The footsteps outside got louder until it was obvious that whoever it was was directly outside the cupboard, then they stopped, and someone sighed. "Siwon?" they called. "Siwon, come out from wherever you're hiding, you're not going to get into trouble."
"Don't move," whispered the boy.
"But it's Eeteuk-hyung," whispered Siwon.
"I don't care," the boy whispered back. "Just give it a minute or so."
"Siwon, I'm sure the teachers will understand, it's not your fault." The person outside was clearly directly outside the cupboard, and even Hankyung knew that whoever it was knew exactly where they were. "And if you're worried about Kangin, I'll talk to him."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's what you'll do," whispered the boy, and smothered a laugh against Siwon's shoulder.
"Siwon?" The boy stood up straight suddenly as whoever was outside began to pull the door open; Hankyung caught a glimpse of a young man with light brown hair before the door slammed shut by itself. Hankyung stared at it in shock. The boy on the other side of the door sighed. "Heechul," he said. "Open the door please."
The one named Heechul laughed, but it wasn't the same bright, open laugh that Siwon had. It was wicked, more of a cackle. "But I'm just practising my skills, Teuk."
"Look, Siwon isn't going to get into trouble. You know he isn't."
"We thought you were Kangin," said Heechul. "Your footsteps are just as heavy, you might want to start dieting."
"Just get out here, Heechul."
Slowly, the door swung open, and Heechul stepped out casually, flicking his blonde -- obviously dyed -- hair back. "How am I supposed to practise if you keep stopping me?" he asked the boy in front of them, who just rolled his eyes.
"You only practise when it means you can be annoying," said the boy.
"He was trying to help me," said Siwon, who had removed his hand from Hankyung's mouth eventually. "Are you sure Kangin-hyung won't kill me?"
"I'm sure," said the boy. "Anyway, when he first came here, he put a hole in my wall too."
"Oh man, I remember that," said Heechul. "God, he practically threw himself at your feet begging forgiveness, it was epic."
The boy smiled a little and then noticed Hankyung standing in the doorway. "Oh!" he said, eyes suddenly lighting up. "Are you Hankyung?"
Hankyung nodded shortly. The boy smiled wider, revealing a dimple on his left side. "I'm Eeteuk, I'm the head boy here at the Soo Man Academy."
"It's nice to meet you," Hankyung tried quietly, and while he wasn't lying, he could just as easily lived without having met this boy.
"Did you finish unpacking?" Siwon asked. The hole in the wall appeared to have been completely forgotten. Hankyung suddenly remembered why he had left the room in the first place.
"No," he said, feeling himself turn a bit red. "I was looking for the bathroom."
"You turned the wrong way out of the room," said Siwon. "You should have turned left."
"Here," said Eeteuk. "I'll show you now. It's almost time for dinner so we should be heading downstairs anyway."
Hankyung silently followed them to the bathroom; they waited outside and he stood for a minute or two before he left the room, hoping hard for them to have become sick of waiting and having just left. On leaving the room, however, he found that Siwon was asking Eeteuk if he knew what was for dinner, while Heechul was leaning against a wall looking at his finger nails, clearly bored. "Finally!" he said, when he spotted Hankyung. "What, did you get lost in there too?"
"Be nice, Heechul," said Eeteuk severely, but Heechul just stuck his tongue out at him and started down the corridor.
"Come on, Siwon," he said over his shoulder. "I want to get to dinner before everything is gone, new boy made us late."
Siwon shot an apologetic look at Hankyung but followed Heechul down the corridor, looking like a dog following its master. Hankyung couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that, which Eeteuk noticed and smiled at.
"Don't mind Heechul," he said. "He can be a bit abrasive but he doesn't really mean it."
It hadn't really been Heechul that Hankyung had raised his eyebrow at, but he didn't argue with the point and just followed Eeteuk downstairs to the entrance hall and then into the dining hall, where the noise level suddenly seemed to explode into a thousand decibels. Hankyung felt sick again, staring around at the seeming mass of kids, teachers at tables in a raised level at the back. The noise and confusion threatened to overpower him, and he focused desperately on Eeteuk's back in front of him; Eeteuk's shirt was strangely bulky at the back.
The table they stopped at was one of the longest and almost all of the seats were taken: Siwon and Heechul were sat near the end, and while Siwon smiled welcomingly at him as they neared, Heechul didn't even pay him any attention.
There were various calls of welcome as Eeteuk motioned for Hankyung to sit down: he took the empty seat next to Siwon, and nodded to the people looking at him curiously, and let Eeteuk introduce him. Judging from the way everyone looked at him, they obviously thought that he couldn't speak any Korean.
"Kangin," said Eeteuk, squeezing into a seat between a strong looking boy with short black hair, and a boy with faded auburn hair. The black-haired boy looked at him with an obvious amount of eagerness.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Don't get mad at Siwon," said Eeteuk, helping himself to some of the food on the table in front of him. "He leant against your wall and accidently put his arm through it."
"I'm sorry, hyung," said Siwon, almost pleadingly. The boy called Kangin looked at him, a twitch in his eyebrow, but Eeteuk just lay a hand on his arm. Kangin looked at him, nodded at him, shrugged at Siwon, and then went back to his meal.
"Hankyung?" asked a boy at the end of the table with black hair, who sat head and shoulders above the boy next to him with hair so blonde it was almost white. He sounded unsure as to whether he was pronouncing Hankyung's name correctly, and when he continued in perfect Chinese, Hankyung realised why. "That's not a Chinese name. How do you say your real name?"
Hankyung blinked at him. "Are you -- Are you Chinese?"
The boy nodded happily, a bright grin on his face. "I'm Zhou Mi," he said. "I'm supposed to be called Joomyuk here, but no one does. It's too hard to say."
The boy next to him snorted. "No, Zhou Mi is too hard to say," he said in Korean. "We just humour you."
"Korean is hard," said Zhou Mi in Chinese, stubborn and ignoring the other boy. "Don't worry though, I can help you with it."
"It's okay," said Hankyung. "I already know Korean."
Some of the people on the table turned to look at him, shocked. He had spoken in Korean, and they were obviously surprised at his skill with the language. Zhou Mi just continued to smile at him. I know, Hankyung heard, but Zhou Mi hadn't opened his mouth. It wasn't Korean I was talking about.
Hankyung knocked his empty glass over in surprise, staring at Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi's grin grew wider, and the boy next to him realised what had just happened, and hit him on the arm. "I've told you before," he said. "Don't do that, it's so disconcerting."
"Did you just talk into his mind?" Eeteuk was frowning at Zhou Mi. "You're not supposed to do that."
"I was just reassuring him," said Zhou Mi, looking and sounding so innocent that Eeteuk's expression softened considerably. "It's not nice, coming to a new country."
"Well, I know," said Eeteuk. "But Hankyung wouldn't have known what was happening."
"So you can read minds?" Hankyung was still staring. If this boy could read his mind, and had access to his memories, then he could no doubt see the past that Hankyung was trying to hide.
"I get flashes," said Zhou Mi. "If people are screaming emotions at me, it's easier, but I'm learning to control it. It's a lot easier to talk through other people's minds."
"Was I screaming something at you?" Hankyung asked, sounding nervous.
"Fear," said Zhou Mi, simply, in Chinese. Hankyung avoided his eyes.
"So what's your power?" asked the boy next to him. Hankyung acted the foreigner and just frowned in confusion at him. Heechul snorted.
"Stop acting like you don't understand," he said. "He understands everything we say."
"You do?" Kangin scowled at him. "Why do you pretend otherwise?"
Hankyung just stayed silent. This was working out better than he could possibly imagine. Give it some time and maybe he could make it so that everyone at the table hated him, and then he would never have to interact with them ever again. He caught Heechul looking at him out of the corner of his eye, but when he looked around at him, Heechul was frowning at Kangin. "Hey," he said. "Leave him alone, he's just nervous."
"Well why didn't he just say?" asked Kangin.
"Because we're not all as much of a loud mouth as you," said Heechul. "Some of us like to keep our emotions inside."
"You're the loudest bitch in the school," said Kangin, and then added, a little snidely, "hyung."
Heechul glared at him, but Kangin just laughed at him and turned back to his meal. As he went to pick his fork back up, it moved suddenly, shooting into the air and hovering just above his head. He glared at Heechul, who laughed in a similar way to how Kangin had done it, and then tried to pluck the utensil from the air. It danced out of his reach. Kangin growled, a strangely animal noise, and tried again. The fork shot even further into the air.
"Heechul," said Eeteuk desperately, glancing between the fork hanging in mid-air, and the teacher's table. "They're going to notice, and you'll even get me into trouble."
"It's not high enough for them to notice," said Heechul. By now the fork was doing somersaults. "Anyway, you won't get wrong, you're the perfect head boy."
"Just stop it," said Eeteuk firmly, and then suddenly the fork clattered to the table and Kangin snatched it up. Heechul didn't even notice: he was too busy glaring at Zhou Mi.
"I was not showing off," he said. There was a pause, and then; "Seasoning, shut up! I do not!"
"You do not what?" asked Siwon curiously, but Heechul just ignored him and went back to his meal like nothing had happened. Siwon looked at Zhou Mi, who was just grinning. Hankyung had already noticed that Zhou Mi never seemed to not be smiling.
"Aren't you going to eat?" asked a boy down the other end of the table, looking at him with a slight amount of concern. He had delicate, feminine features, with light brown hair which had been carefully styled. Hankyung shook his head.
"I'm not hungry," he said.
Most of the other seemed to have given him up for weird, because they paid him no attention for the remainder of the meal. That was good: it meant he wouldn't have to answer any unwanted questions, such as what his power was. He was wanting to put that moment off for as long as possible. He actually wondered whether he could get through his time here without anyone ever knowing it; it seemed unlikely, but he liked the idea anyway.
Just through listening to their conversations, Hankyung managed to pick up on most of their names. The blonde boy sitting next to Zhou Mi was Kyuhyun, although Zhou Mi insisted on calling him Kui Xian, which seemed to annoy the boy who had asked Hankyung if he was eating, who was called Sungmin. The boy next to Kangin was Eunhyuk, who kept accidently putting his hand through the table. Sitting next to him was a boy called Donghae, who seemed to bolt his food down when Hankyung blinked, though he felt that that was probably just an illusion. Sitting opposite Donghae, next to Heechul, was a quiet boy called Kibum, a chubby boy called Shindong, and then Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. Opposite Zhou Mi was a boy who looked younger than most of them, who didn't speak at all, and so Hankyung didn't catch his name, and then a boy with black hair tipped with red called Ryeowook, and a boy called Yehsung who had pierced ears.
"Which reminds me," said Eeteuk suddenly, looking down the table at Sungmin. "I heard that you and Heechul had an argument before."
"To have an argument, you have to exchange words," said Heechul. "We had a fight."
"Only with our minds," said Sungmin in a sing song tone. "You'd be impressed, hyung, it was all very intellectual."
"What happened?" asked Eeteuk with a sigh. Hankyung understood his exasperation: clearly whatever had happened between Heechul and Sungmin had become some sort of private joke.
"Hyung kept moving my book every time I tried to pick it up," said Sungmin cheerfully.
"So he teleported into the bathroom and put my toothbrush in the toilet," said Heechul, and mimed giving Sungmin a high five from across the table. Eeteuk actually looked like he wanted to scream.
"Don't worry, hyung," said Siwon brightly. "I stopped Heechul-hyung from killing Sungmin-hyung, and now everything's fine."
"Oh, well that's good then," said Eeteuk, a little faintly.
"I've got a spare toothbrush," said Zhou Mi helpfully. "You can have it if you want, hyung."
"Can do, Seasoning," said Heechul, giving him a mock-salute. Zhou Mi grinned happily.
The hour that Hankyung spent in the dining hall seemed to stretch on and on forever, but eventually Hankyung was free to go, that feeling of wanting to throw up ever constant in the pit of his stomach. He walked with Siwon and Heechul, who kept up a conversation in which Heechul stated a whole lot of things as truth and Siwon agreed with everything he said. Hankyung still didn't know what to make of them, but when Heechul turned and tried to grab hold his arm, only for Hankyung to flinch away from his touch, he knew that they didn't know what to make of him either.
"What, am I not good enough for you?" Heechul frowned at him, and Hankyung was surprised to see a touch of hurt in his features which vanished after a moment. "I wasn't going to hurt you or anything."
"I know," said Hankyung, beginning to feel a little angry at himself for his innate reaction, and angry at Heechul for not understanding. "It's not -- I just--"
"You know you never said what your power was?" Heechul was looking at him curiously. Hankyung avoided his eyes.
"I'd rather not talk about it," he said. Heechul opened his mouth, frowning, but there was a crash from the end of the hallway, and Siwon's voice saying "Oh," miserably, and they looked to see him holding the door to the room he shared with Hankyung in his hand.
"Oh, for god's sake, Siwon!" Heechul stalked up to him and hit him on the shoulder. "You're really going to have to learn about control, because I can't be around to fix your problems all the time."
"I'm sorry, hyung," said Siwon, looking and sounding honestly upset. Heechul sighed.
"It's fine. Look, just put the door against the wall." Siwon did so, and Heechul stood back, concentrating on it. It floated into the air a little, before sinking back down and placing itself into the doorway. Then, Heechul putting a hand to his head, the hinges slowly, painstakingly righted themselves and suddenly the door was fixed. Siwon went to open it, but Heechul slapped his hand away. "Not you," he said. "I don't want you touching the damn thing."
Suddenly he swayed a little, falling sideways into Siwon, who caught him, looking panic-stricken. "Hyung, I keep telling you to not push yourself too hard," he said, sounding terrified.
"I'm fine, Siwon," said Heechul, straightening with his hand pressed to his forehead. "It's just a headache, god." He caught Hankyung staring at him. "Hey, China boy. Get over here and open the door for juggernaught here."
Hanykung blinked a little at him, but after a pause came over to the doorway and put his hand on the handle. "Hey," said Heechul sharply. "Are those gloves something to do with your power?"
Hankyung glanced down at his gloves, the black having gone almost shiny with age. "Yeah," he said softly. "Something to do with it."
"Huh," said Heechul. "Oh well, I have an appointment with some painkillers and my bed. Hopefully Sungmin will not want to talk about Kyuhyun when I get there." He sauntered off down the corridor, just waving over his shoulder at Siwon's call of good night.
"I hope he's okay," Siwon said anxiously, as Hankyung pulled open the door. Hankyung, to be perfectly honest, didn't really care.
He shivered at the remembrance, and threaded his fingers on both hands together. Something like that could have been disastrous, although he understood the reasons for it: black leather gloves probably didn't make anyone flying feel safe, but then, taking them off would have been a whole lot worse. Thank god the professor who was escorting him managed to convince the officials otherwise: there was a reason Hankyung never travelled anywhere.
He sighed heavily and sat down next to his suitcase, holding his hand out to stop the case from dropping into the hollow that his weight made and hitting him. He stared until his gaze had become unfocused at the leather gloves on his hands, things that he had become so used to wearing that they were almost like a second skin. He hated everything about them, from the coolness of the material to the way it stretched out at his knuckles when he bent his fingers. They represented something that he wanted to forget, something that he wished he had never been born with: that so called 'power'.
There came a clattering from the hallway, voices loud and bright and happy. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to be back in his bedroom in China, with the thick curtains and that lock that he had forgotten about one time too many and the comforting smell of being alone and not needing to worry about accidently touching someone. He watched the door anxiously, half desperate for no one to come in. He was still fairly certain that his teachers were completely insane for putting him in a room with someone else; what could happen when he made a mistake played on his mind constantly.
Unfortunately, luck was not with him, as it hadn't been for most of his life. There was a knock at the door, almost hesitant, and then the door slowly opened, revealing a tall boy who looked to be at least a year younger, who noticed him sitting on the bed and grinned. There was nothing forced about it, and if Hankyung had allowed himself, he knew that he would have warmed to him immediately. "Hi," said the boy, friendly and welcoming. Hankyung nodded in response.
"Are you Hankyung?" the boy asked, and Hankyung nodded again. "I'm Siwon, I'm your roommate." Hankyung nodded once more. Siwon frowned a little, clearly thrown by his silence, but it wasn't in the way that Hankyung hoped he would be. He didn't decide to give up: he changed his language. "Do you understand?" he asked in Chinese.
Hankyung cursed inside. The whole point of coming to this school was that he could pretend to get by on a language barrier, never having to speak to anyone, only listening to lessons in order to learn the control that he so desperately craved. But this boy spoke his language, and this boy expected an answer.
"Yes," said Hankyung, in Korean, and Siwon's smile practically broke his face in half.
"Good," he said. He noticed Hankyung's suitcase, still closed on the bed next to him. "You haven't finished yet?"
"No," said Hankyung. He figured that the less he said, the less Siwon would want to talk, and the better it would be for Hankyung.
"Do you--" began Siwon, but suddenly there were shouts from the end of the corridor, one person sounding angry, the other sounding amused at their expense. He turned his head a little and then sighed and went to the door to look out at whatever was happening. "Um," he said, glancing back at Hankyung. "Are you okay to finish by yourself?"
Hankyung nodded, and didn't say that he'd prefer to be by himself. Siwon nodded, almost absently, as a bout of laughter sounded, and someone shrieked in annoyance. "Dinner is at seven," said Siwon. "I'll be back to get you to take you down to dinner."
"No," said Hankyung quickly. "I can find my own way there."
Siwon looked at him with some surprise, but just shrugged. "Okay," he said, and then hurried out of the room, shouting; "Hyung, what did you do now?" as he went.
Hankyung got up slowly and made his way over to the door, closing it gently against the noise of the hallway. He wasn't used to that sound, the sound of happiness; he hadn't, after all, been in a school for ten years, and he'd barely been outside for six. For three short years, that sound had graced his house, until he had taken it away.
Suddenly he felt like throwing up at the thought of dinner, at the thought of going out there and communicating with people. He didn't know how to do that, he was out of practise, and to be honest, the thought terrified him. He unzipped his case. Maybe if he took long enough, he could be forgiven for missing dinner. He wasn't hungry anyway.
An hour later, he had managed to stretch it out so only about a quarter of his case was unpacked, but unfortunately he was beginning to have to re-think his plan to only leave his room for his classes. Unable to ignore it any longer, he went to the door and stuck his head out to check whether there was anyone around. The coast appeared to be clear, and it wasn't until he had turned two corners that he realised that he had no idea where he was going, and no idea where he had come from.
He stopped and stared around himself in complete dismay, but the hallway looked exactly the same as all the other hallways. He sighed because he should have known that leaving the room had been a bad idea. He walked up to the end of the corridor in front of him and looked around the corner, but couldn't see anything worthwhile that way, and then heard a loud crash from the corner behind him.
"Fuck!" someone shouted.
"Hyung!" said Siwon's voice, disappointed and offended.
"Well, I'm sorry, Siwon," said the first voice, sounding annoyed. "But you just put a hole in the wall, so forgive me for being over coherent."
"I only leant against the wall," said Siwon, sadly. There was a pause, and Hankyung quietly went to see what was going on.
Siwon and another boy were standing in front of the wall, staring at a large hole which had appeared in it. "It's Kangin's room," said the unknown boy. "He's going to kill you."
"What happened?" asked Hankyung, before he could stop himself.
Their heads shot around to stare at him, Siwon's face white and worried, the other boy's brown eyes suspicious. Hankyung blinked a little at the attractive, feminine face, he hadn't been expecting that from the voice. "Who are you?" asked the boy, voice guarded.
"Hankyung?" Siwon's face seemed to regain some of its colour. "It's my roommate, Hankyung."
"Oh, someone finally decided to live with you?" The other boy looked Hankyung up and down. "Well, good luck with that."
"Hyung," said Siwon, looking at him with an upset look on his face. The boy grinned wickedly at him. "Hyung, what am I going to do?" Siwon seemed honestly scared. "Can you fix it for me?"
"I'm not a miracle worker," said the boy who still hadn't introduced himself. "I don't have the control to do that yet, the pieces are too small to concentrate on."
"But Kangin-hyung will kill me," wailed Siwon, staring morosely at the hole in the wall. Through it, Hankyung could make out a bed, unmade, and a bookshelf. "It's not like anyone else could have done it."
"We'll just have to--" The boy broke off in his sentence, looking down the hallway. There were footsteps. Siwon jumped a little in agitation. "Quick," said the boy. "In here."
He held open the doorway on the opposite side of the hall, revealing a broom cupboard. Hankyung just stared him, not quite sure whether to take him seriously, but apparently he was supposed to, because Siwon just obedientely got into the cupboard, and the stranger took hold of Hankyung's upper arm and tried to pull him in. "Come on," he said. "Don't make me get Siwon to pull you in, he'll take your arm off."
Hankyung looked at Siwon, uncertain, but then stepped into the cupboard, sighing. The boy stepped in behind him, and the door shut quickly, the lock strangely muffled. There was a pause, and then Hankyung said; "What is going on?"
"Quiet," hissed the other boy, and then, in a commanding tone; "Siwon." And Siwon clamped his hand over Hankyung's mouth. Hankyung was so shocked by this sudden move that he didn't even react other than being quiet.
The footsteps outside got louder until it was obvious that whoever it was was directly outside the cupboard, then they stopped, and someone sighed. "Siwon?" they called. "Siwon, come out from wherever you're hiding, you're not going to get into trouble."
"Don't move," whispered the boy.
"But it's Eeteuk-hyung," whispered Siwon.
"I don't care," the boy whispered back. "Just give it a minute or so."
"Siwon, I'm sure the teachers will understand, it's not your fault." The person outside was clearly directly outside the cupboard, and even Hankyung knew that whoever it was knew exactly where they were. "And if you're worried about Kangin, I'll talk to him."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's what you'll do," whispered the boy, and smothered a laugh against Siwon's shoulder.
"Siwon?" The boy stood up straight suddenly as whoever was outside began to pull the door open; Hankyung caught a glimpse of a young man with light brown hair before the door slammed shut by itself. Hankyung stared at it in shock. The boy on the other side of the door sighed. "Heechul," he said. "Open the door please."
The one named Heechul laughed, but it wasn't the same bright, open laugh that Siwon had. It was wicked, more of a cackle. "But I'm just practising my skills, Teuk."
"Look, Siwon isn't going to get into trouble. You know he isn't."
"We thought you were Kangin," said Heechul. "Your footsteps are just as heavy, you might want to start dieting."
"Just get out here, Heechul."
Slowly, the door swung open, and Heechul stepped out casually, flicking his blonde -- obviously dyed -- hair back. "How am I supposed to practise if you keep stopping me?" he asked the boy in front of them, who just rolled his eyes.
"You only practise when it means you can be annoying," said the boy.
"He was trying to help me," said Siwon, who had removed his hand from Hankyung's mouth eventually. "Are you sure Kangin-hyung won't kill me?"
"I'm sure," said the boy. "Anyway, when he first came here, he put a hole in my wall too."
"Oh man, I remember that," said Heechul. "God, he practically threw himself at your feet begging forgiveness, it was epic."
The boy smiled a little and then noticed Hankyung standing in the doorway. "Oh!" he said, eyes suddenly lighting up. "Are you Hankyung?"
Hankyung nodded shortly. The boy smiled wider, revealing a dimple on his left side. "I'm Eeteuk, I'm the head boy here at the Soo Man Academy."
"It's nice to meet you," Hankyung tried quietly, and while he wasn't lying, he could just as easily lived without having met this boy.
"Did you finish unpacking?" Siwon asked. The hole in the wall appeared to have been completely forgotten. Hankyung suddenly remembered why he had left the room in the first place.
"No," he said, feeling himself turn a bit red. "I was looking for the bathroom."
"You turned the wrong way out of the room," said Siwon. "You should have turned left."
"Here," said Eeteuk. "I'll show you now. It's almost time for dinner so we should be heading downstairs anyway."
Hankyung silently followed them to the bathroom; they waited outside and he stood for a minute or two before he left the room, hoping hard for them to have become sick of waiting and having just left. On leaving the room, however, he found that Siwon was asking Eeteuk if he knew what was for dinner, while Heechul was leaning against a wall looking at his finger nails, clearly bored. "Finally!" he said, when he spotted Hankyung. "What, did you get lost in there too?"
"Be nice, Heechul," said Eeteuk severely, but Heechul just stuck his tongue out at him and started down the corridor.
"Come on, Siwon," he said over his shoulder. "I want to get to dinner before everything is gone, new boy made us late."
Siwon shot an apologetic look at Hankyung but followed Heechul down the corridor, looking like a dog following its master. Hankyung couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that, which Eeteuk noticed and smiled at.
"Don't mind Heechul," he said. "He can be a bit abrasive but he doesn't really mean it."
It hadn't really been Heechul that Hankyung had raised his eyebrow at, but he didn't argue with the point and just followed Eeteuk downstairs to the entrance hall and then into the dining hall, where the noise level suddenly seemed to explode into a thousand decibels. Hankyung felt sick again, staring around at the seeming mass of kids, teachers at tables in a raised level at the back. The noise and confusion threatened to overpower him, and he focused desperately on Eeteuk's back in front of him; Eeteuk's shirt was strangely bulky at the back.
The table they stopped at was one of the longest and almost all of the seats were taken: Siwon and Heechul were sat near the end, and while Siwon smiled welcomingly at him as they neared, Heechul didn't even pay him any attention.
There were various calls of welcome as Eeteuk motioned for Hankyung to sit down: he took the empty seat next to Siwon, and nodded to the people looking at him curiously, and let Eeteuk introduce him. Judging from the way everyone looked at him, they obviously thought that he couldn't speak any Korean.
"Kangin," said Eeteuk, squeezing into a seat between a strong looking boy with short black hair, and a boy with faded auburn hair. The black-haired boy looked at him with an obvious amount of eagerness.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Don't get mad at Siwon," said Eeteuk, helping himself to some of the food on the table in front of him. "He leant against your wall and accidently put his arm through it."
"I'm sorry, hyung," said Siwon, almost pleadingly. The boy called Kangin looked at him, a twitch in his eyebrow, but Eeteuk just lay a hand on his arm. Kangin looked at him, nodded at him, shrugged at Siwon, and then went back to his meal.
"Hankyung?" asked a boy at the end of the table with black hair, who sat head and shoulders above the boy next to him with hair so blonde it was almost white. He sounded unsure as to whether he was pronouncing Hankyung's name correctly, and when he continued in perfect Chinese, Hankyung realised why. "That's not a Chinese name. How do you say your real name?"
Hankyung blinked at him. "Are you -- Are you Chinese?"
The boy nodded happily, a bright grin on his face. "I'm Zhou Mi," he said. "I'm supposed to be called Joomyuk here, but no one does. It's too hard to say."
The boy next to him snorted. "No, Zhou Mi is too hard to say," he said in Korean. "We just humour you."
"Korean is hard," said Zhou Mi in Chinese, stubborn and ignoring the other boy. "Don't worry though, I can help you with it."
"It's okay," said Hankyung. "I already know Korean."
Some of the people on the table turned to look at him, shocked. He had spoken in Korean, and they were obviously surprised at his skill with the language. Zhou Mi just continued to smile at him. I know, Hankyung heard, but Zhou Mi hadn't opened his mouth. It wasn't Korean I was talking about.
Hankyung knocked his empty glass over in surprise, staring at Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi's grin grew wider, and the boy next to him realised what had just happened, and hit him on the arm. "I've told you before," he said. "Don't do that, it's so disconcerting."
"Did you just talk into his mind?" Eeteuk was frowning at Zhou Mi. "You're not supposed to do that."
"I was just reassuring him," said Zhou Mi, looking and sounding so innocent that Eeteuk's expression softened considerably. "It's not nice, coming to a new country."
"Well, I know," said Eeteuk. "But Hankyung wouldn't have known what was happening."
"So you can read minds?" Hankyung was still staring. If this boy could read his mind, and had access to his memories, then he could no doubt see the past that Hankyung was trying to hide.
"I get flashes," said Zhou Mi. "If people are screaming emotions at me, it's easier, but I'm learning to control it. It's a lot easier to talk through other people's minds."
"Was I screaming something at you?" Hankyung asked, sounding nervous.
"Fear," said Zhou Mi, simply, in Chinese. Hankyung avoided his eyes.
"So what's your power?" asked the boy next to him. Hankyung acted the foreigner and just frowned in confusion at him. Heechul snorted.
"Stop acting like you don't understand," he said. "He understands everything we say."
"You do?" Kangin scowled at him. "Why do you pretend otherwise?"
Hankyung just stayed silent. This was working out better than he could possibly imagine. Give it some time and maybe he could make it so that everyone at the table hated him, and then he would never have to interact with them ever again. He caught Heechul looking at him out of the corner of his eye, but when he looked around at him, Heechul was frowning at Kangin. "Hey," he said. "Leave him alone, he's just nervous."
"Well why didn't he just say?" asked Kangin.
"Because we're not all as much of a loud mouth as you," said Heechul. "Some of us like to keep our emotions inside."
"You're the loudest bitch in the school," said Kangin, and then added, a little snidely, "hyung."
Heechul glared at him, but Kangin just laughed at him and turned back to his meal. As he went to pick his fork back up, it moved suddenly, shooting into the air and hovering just above his head. He glared at Heechul, who laughed in a similar way to how Kangin had done it, and then tried to pluck the utensil from the air. It danced out of his reach. Kangin growled, a strangely animal noise, and tried again. The fork shot even further into the air.
"Heechul," said Eeteuk desperately, glancing between the fork hanging in mid-air, and the teacher's table. "They're going to notice, and you'll even get me into trouble."
"It's not high enough for them to notice," said Heechul. By now the fork was doing somersaults. "Anyway, you won't get wrong, you're the perfect head boy."
"Just stop it," said Eeteuk firmly, and then suddenly the fork clattered to the table and Kangin snatched it up. Heechul didn't even notice: he was too busy glaring at Zhou Mi.
"I was not showing off," he said. There was a pause, and then; "Seasoning, shut up! I do not!"
"You do not what?" asked Siwon curiously, but Heechul just ignored him and went back to his meal like nothing had happened. Siwon looked at Zhou Mi, who was just grinning. Hankyung had already noticed that Zhou Mi never seemed to not be smiling.
"Aren't you going to eat?" asked a boy down the other end of the table, looking at him with a slight amount of concern. He had delicate, feminine features, with light brown hair which had been carefully styled. Hankyung shook his head.
"I'm not hungry," he said.
Most of the other seemed to have given him up for weird, because they paid him no attention for the remainder of the meal. That was good: it meant he wouldn't have to answer any unwanted questions, such as what his power was. He was wanting to put that moment off for as long as possible. He actually wondered whether he could get through his time here without anyone ever knowing it; it seemed unlikely, but he liked the idea anyway.
Just through listening to their conversations, Hankyung managed to pick up on most of their names. The blonde boy sitting next to Zhou Mi was Kyuhyun, although Zhou Mi insisted on calling him Kui Xian, which seemed to annoy the boy who had asked Hankyung if he was eating, who was called Sungmin. The boy next to Kangin was Eunhyuk, who kept accidently putting his hand through the table. Sitting next to him was a boy called Donghae, who seemed to bolt his food down when Hankyung blinked, though he felt that that was probably just an illusion. Sitting opposite Donghae, next to Heechul, was a quiet boy called Kibum, a chubby boy called Shindong, and then Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. Opposite Zhou Mi was a boy who looked younger than most of them, who didn't speak at all, and so Hankyung didn't catch his name, and then a boy with black hair tipped with red called Ryeowook, and a boy called Yehsung who had pierced ears.
"Which reminds me," said Eeteuk suddenly, looking down the table at Sungmin. "I heard that you and Heechul had an argument before."
"To have an argument, you have to exchange words," said Heechul. "We had a fight."
"Only with our minds," said Sungmin in a sing song tone. "You'd be impressed, hyung, it was all very intellectual."
"What happened?" asked Eeteuk with a sigh. Hankyung understood his exasperation: clearly whatever had happened between Heechul and Sungmin had become some sort of private joke.
"Hyung kept moving my book every time I tried to pick it up," said Sungmin cheerfully.
"So he teleported into the bathroom and put my toothbrush in the toilet," said Heechul, and mimed giving Sungmin a high five from across the table. Eeteuk actually looked like he wanted to scream.
"Don't worry, hyung," said Siwon brightly. "I stopped Heechul-hyung from killing Sungmin-hyung, and now everything's fine."
"Oh, well that's good then," said Eeteuk, a little faintly.
"I've got a spare toothbrush," said Zhou Mi helpfully. "You can have it if you want, hyung."
"Can do, Seasoning," said Heechul, giving him a mock-salute. Zhou Mi grinned happily.
The hour that Hankyung spent in the dining hall seemed to stretch on and on forever, but eventually Hankyung was free to go, that feeling of wanting to throw up ever constant in the pit of his stomach. He walked with Siwon and Heechul, who kept up a conversation in which Heechul stated a whole lot of things as truth and Siwon agreed with everything he said. Hankyung still didn't know what to make of them, but when Heechul turned and tried to grab hold his arm, only for Hankyung to flinch away from his touch, he knew that they didn't know what to make of him either.
"What, am I not good enough for you?" Heechul frowned at him, and Hankyung was surprised to see a touch of hurt in his features which vanished after a moment. "I wasn't going to hurt you or anything."
"I know," said Hankyung, beginning to feel a little angry at himself for his innate reaction, and angry at Heechul for not understanding. "It's not -- I just--"
"You know you never said what your power was?" Heechul was looking at him curiously. Hankyung avoided his eyes.
"I'd rather not talk about it," he said. Heechul opened his mouth, frowning, but there was a crash from the end of the hallway, and Siwon's voice saying "Oh," miserably, and they looked to see him holding the door to the room he shared with Hankyung in his hand.
"Oh, for god's sake, Siwon!" Heechul stalked up to him and hit him on the shoulder. "You're really going to have to learn about control, because I can't be around to fix your problems all the time."
"I'm sorry, hyung," said Siwon, looking and sounding honestly upset. Heechul sighed.
"It's fine. Look, just put the door against the wall." Siwon did so, and Heechul stood back, concentrating on it. It floated into the air a little, before sinking back down and placing itself into the doorway. Then, Heechul putting a hand to his head, the hinges slowly, painstakingly righted themselves and suddenly the door was fixed. Siwon went to open it, but Heechul slapped his hand away. "Not you," he said. "I don't want you touching the damn thing."
Suddenly he swayed a little, falling sideways into Siwon, who caught him, looking panic-stricken. "Hyung, I keep telling you to not push yourself too hard," he said, sounding terrified.
"I'm fine, Siwon," said Heechul, straightening with his hand pressed to his forehead. "It's just a headache, god." He caught Hankyung staring at him. "Hey, China boy. Get over here and open the door for juggernaught here."
Hanykung blinked a little at him, but after a pause came over to the doorway and put his hand on the handle. "Hey," said Heechul sharply. "Are those gloves something to do with your power?"
Hankyung glanced down at his gloves, the black having gone almost shiny with age. "Yeah," he said softly. "Something to do with it."
"Huh," said Heechul. "Oh well, I have an appointment with some painkillers and my bed. Hopefully Sungmin will not want to talk about Kyuhyun when I get there." He sauntered off down the corridor, just waving over his shoulder at Siwon's call of good night.
"I hope he's okay," Siwon said anxiously, as Hankyung pulled open the door. Hankyung, to be perfectly honest, didn't really care.
......................................................
Hankyung woke the next day to the sound of Siwon's alarm going off. He was not used to being told when to get up: perhaps this boarding school thing was going to be harder than he'd initially thought. He moaned a little in annoyance, and Siwon swung upright and knocked the alarm off the dresser in his fumble, sending it flying across the room, where it hit the wall and smashed.
"Oh," he said morosely, staring between the spot where the alarm clock used to be, and the spot where the alarm clock now lay in pieces. "That's the sixth one this term."
Hankyung sat up, needing to ask his question no matter how tired he was. "Is it really that hard? Learning to control your powers?"
"It comes easier to some," said Siwon. "Kyuhyun, he's my year, but he's got senior-level control over his powers. His roommate, Ryeowook, however, still causes things to set alight every so often, so they're well-suited in that case."
Hankyung realised from the way Siwon was smiling at him that he expected him to now ask what Kyuhyun's power was. He wanted, somehow, to pull Hankyung into a conversation. Hankyung, however, was reluctant to show any kind of interest whatsoever, so he boxed down his curiousity. He wasn't at this school for other people, he was at this school for himself.
Siwon, finally understanding that Hankyung wasn't going to ask about Kyuhyun, glanced down and asked; "You wear your gloves to bed?"
"Yes," said Hankyung, a little flatly, looking neither at the gloves or Siwon.
"Oh," said Siwon, a trace of hurt in his voice that he was unable to disguise. Even from the short time Hankyung had known him, he had come to realise that Siwon wore his emotions on his sleeve. He felt slightly guilty over the way he was acting, but he was at this school for a purpose, and making friends was not it.
Hankyung showered first -- "I might break the shower again," Siwon had explained -- and instead of waiting for Siwon to finish, he instead got dressed and went to see if he could find the dining hall on his own. He was hoping that it would be empty this early, but when he arrived there -- after having taken a wrong turn and had to correct himself -- there were already a few people there, some of whom he recognised.
"Hi, Hankyung," said Eeteuk, smiling widely at him. Hankyung took the seat next to him, making sure there was enough room between them to stop their hands from ever touching, regardless of gloves. Eeteuk looked at the door curiously. "Where's Siwon?" he asked.
"In the room, I think," said Hankyung, reaching forward to help himself to some rice. He actually was hungry this morning, but then anyone would be after going without food for an entire day beforehand. He looked at the other person on the table and struggled to name him until he noticed the red tipping his hair. Ryeowook, Kyuhyun's roommate, who apparently set things alight.
Ryeowook seemed happy to just sit and eat in silence, which Hankyung thought was a desirable quality most of the others he had been introduced to seemed to lack. Eeteuk rambled on about things, Hankyung just stayed silent, and Ryeowook appeared to have mastered the art of nodding and making agreeing noises in all the right places. Hankyung was staring over at the large windows around the sides of the dining hall to look outside when suddenly Sungmin appeared at the table, smiling widely.
Hankyung jumped so hard that he hit his knee off the table; the wooden chopsticks in Ryeowook's hands suddenly burst into flame and he dropped them hurriedly and Eeteuk then threw water over them to stop the fire spreading to the wooden bench. "Hyung," wailed Ryeowook to Sungmin, as he sat down next to him. "I wish you would stop doing that, it's so scary."
"If I was supposed to walk down stairs, I wouldn't have been given the power to teleport straight to the bottom of them, would I?" said Sungmin cheerfully, and reached forward to help himself to some breakfast. The door to the hall opened then, and Heechul and Siwon stepped in. Heechul immediately spotted Sungmin and shouted over to him.
"You could at least bring me down with you," he shouted, hurrying over. Sungmin grinned at him.
"You know I don't have that control yet, hyung," he said. "What if I tried and you ended up with my face?"
"I would never be able to go outside," said Heechul in mock-horror, and slipped into a seat. Siwon looked like he wanted to say something to Hankyung, but chose not to, instead taking the seat next to Heechul. Hankyung was beginning to wonder if he'd ever see one of them without the other.
"Hyung, can I have permission to go into town this Saturday?" Siwon was now looking desperately at Eeteuk. "I need to buy a new alarm clock."
Eeteuk sighed, but Heechul just laughed. "God, Siwon," he said. "Your power costs the most out of all of us."
Money wise, maybe, but looking around, Hankyung could see that none of them really felt that their powers were anything less than brilliant. Sungmin, who teleported everywhere; Heechul, who used his power to annoy people; the others whose powers were raw and uncontrolled, but who still felt blessed to have them. Hankyung flexed his hands in his lap. He had never once thought of his own power that way, and he probably never would.
"I'm supposed to learn something," said Siwon. "But I feel like I'm getting worse."
"Don't worry," said Eeteuk. "It will come eventually."
"Just make sure you don't touch anything I own before you get it," said Heechul firmly.
Someone that Hankyung didn't know stopped by the table to talk to Eeteuk, who turned around in his seat -- Hankyung stared a little at the feathers which seemed to sprout straight from his back, pure white and soft, through holes in the back of his shirt. Eeteuk turned around and caught him looking. He smiled widely. "Didn't you know?" he asked.
Hankyung shook his head, and before he could stop himself, asked; "Can I see?"
"Sure," said Eeteuk, and he stood up and then, after making sure no one would be hit, unfolded a pair of huge, white wings from his back. Hankyung couldn't help but gape a little: sure, he'd noticed some bulk in the back of Eeteuk's shirt the night before, but it hadn't been enough to indicate wings of this size.
"How do you hide them?" he asked.
"I don't, particularly," said Eeteuk. "They fold right down, so that there's barely any mass, but for school, my shirts are specially made to accomodate them, and when I'm wearing other stuff, I tend to just get quite baggy things because it's easier than putting holes in them."
"What about your parents?" Hankyung asked. "Did they send you here?"
Eeteuk was looking at Hankyung like he was weighing something up in his mind, like he was trying to work something out. "They didn't send me, I asked to come," he said. "I read about it and wanted to come."
"My parents sent me here," said Heechul with a sigh. "Shipped me off like unwanted luggage, never to speak of me again."
"Hyung, don't lie," said Siwon. He seemed to be constantly disappointed or offended by whatever Heechul said. "You wanted to come here too."
"Why don't my parents visit me, then?" Heechul insisted.
"They do visit you," said Eeteuk, exasperated. "They visit every year."
"New boy didn't know that," said Heechul. "You totally just spoiled my fun. How can I convince him that I'm just like him?"
"Ju--just like me?" Hankyung stammered a little, staring at Heechul. What could Heechul possibly know about Hankyung -- he wasn't the one who could read minds.
"A loner," said Heechul. "My powers are so misunderstood that I must wander the earth alone forever, feared and fearing myself. Ah, what a hard life."
There was some laughter at that; Heechul was poking fun at him. Anger flared up inside Hankyung, and he glared at Heechul, who just looked back at him, impassively. Hankyung opened his mouth to speak, and Heechul just raised an eyebrow at him, and Hankyung realised that that was what Heechul wanted: he was trying to get a reaction of some sort. Slowly, Hankyung turned away to look at his breakfast. Even as others came down and took their seats, Hankyung didn't look up.
He was rather shocked than when the anger faded away to find that the emotion left behind was shame. He had come to this school determined to talk to no one, determined that no one would ever know his secret. But letting them know that he spoke Korean had ensured an awareness in them that he should talk and listen, and therefore the fact that he was rejecting their feelers of friendship was all the more damaging.
They actually had noticed his silences and his slight scorn, because he wasn't hiding behind his being Chinese. Heechul had recognised it, and Heechul thought he knew the reason for it, and he may have been closer than he realised, but Hankyung had his reasons for being distant, and his reasons for not wanting to get close to people. He buried down that prickling of shame: it was better for everyone if he was disliked.
A bell rang somewhere outside, and Hankyung looked up in confusion. "We have to get ready for classes now," said Eeteuk, taking pity on him. "We have half an hour to get to our first class from now."
"Oh," said Hankyung. Sungmin disappeared from the table, and then Donghae stood up and he too seemed to disappear. Hankyung blinked, but now everyone was getting up and preparing to move, so he didn't have a chance to ask how Donghae had managed it. Siwon, of course, walked a little in front with Heechul, and kept glancing back at Hankyung, as if he was worried, but Hankyung just ignored it and slowed down more and more until he could no longer make out the expressions of their faces whenever they turned around to look back at him. By the time he got to his bedroom, Siwon was nowhere to be seen: it was Heechul who stood in front of the door and glared at him.
"I need to talk to you," he said, pushing himself off the door against which he had been leaning. Hankyung looked blankly at him. "I want an explanation."
"An explanation for what?" Hankyung moved to open the door to the room, but Heechul reached out and took hold of his arm. Hankyung wrenched it out of his hold with lightening speed, heart thumping in his chest.
"That," said Heechul simply, and then; "And for why you're being such a bastard to Siwon."
Hankyung lowered his head, staring at the floor, feeling shame wash back over him. "I can't tell you," he said. Heechul suddenly became incredulous.
"All Siwon has done since you came to this school has been friendly towards you," he said. "It's only been a day and he's already convinced that you hate him. He's probably walking to class right now trying to work out what he's done."
"It's nothing he's done," said Hankyung quietly.
"Well, what is it?" Heechul asked, arms folded across his chest. Hankyung shook his head.
"I can't tell you," he said desperately. Heechul shook his head too.
"Then we can't help you." He turned and began to stalk away down the hallway. Then he stopped, and turned around. "And whatever your problem is with Siwon, sort it, before I do something about it."
Hankyung stood there for a minute or so after Heechul left the hall, eyes screwed shut; he felt almost close to tears. This was why he hadn't left the house, this was why he had locked himself away, this was why he had made himself numb: emotion hurt
He was almost late to class, and made it to the room he had been told to go to just before the bell rang. He knocked and opened the door to the third year classroom. Despite what he had told the teachers, they had put him in with his fellow eighteen-year-olds on the principle of his age, although he was likely to be behind even the first years, both in controlling his powers and in general lessons. He hadn't been to school for ten years, what he knew was what his parents had chosen to teach him, and what he had been able to teach himself. He only knew Korean because he'd decided to teach himself -- he had heard of a school in Korea, had never thought he'd actually end up there.
The teacher at the front of the room was a young woman in her mid-twenties, wearing a light blue skirt, with long black hair pulled back into a bun. She smiled welcomingly at him and said; "You must be Hankyung, right?" Hankyung nodded. "Come in, then. I'll introduce you to the class."
Hankyung already knew some of the class: there were only fifteen people in it, four of whom were Eeteuk, Heechul, Kangin and Yehsung. Eeteuk, sitting by the window at the front, smiled welcomingly at him. Heechul, at the back in the same row, was looking at his fingernails, clearly bored. Kangin, sat on the table next to him, was staring out of the window. Yehsung, a row across from Kangin, two chairs in front, was tapping his pen. Hankyung had wanted apathy and he had mostly got it.
"This is Hankyung," said the teacher, Ms. Park. "He's just started the school, he's come from China to learn how to control his powers." She turned, smiling, towards Hankyung, and he got ready to take the spare seat over on the left hand side of the classroom, but she stopped him and said; "Why don't you give us a demonstration of your power, Hankyung?"
Hankyung stared at her. She continued to smile, but now there was something in her face that made Hankyung swallow hard. He had been wondering about whether she knew about his power and the effect it could have, but now he realised that she knew exactly what it was, and she wanted him to reveal it anyway. Why, Hankyung didn't know, but he knew that if he went up against this woman, he would lose. He would later find that all teachers at the school knew exactly what they were up against, and didn't take no for an answer.
He sighed and nodded once, shortly. At the back of the classroom, Heechul sat up sharply, which made Kangin glance over at him. He whispered something, and Heechul whispered back. Kangin looked over at Hankyung quickly. By now, the entire class was watching curiously, but the four he already knew were watching him intensely: they knew what this moment held.
Slowly, fingers trembling, he removed one of his gloves from his hands, and clenched his fingers. His teacher had gone back behind her desk, and even though he was about a metre away from the nearest student, he was still nervous about what he could do.
He stepped over to the window where some plants were laying in the sun, the flowers on some of them blooming. Behind him, he heard a confused whisper of power over plants? and understood their confusion -- why would it be necessary for him to wear gloves if that was his power? He screwed his eyes as he reached a hand out, because he knew what his power meant -- rejection, fear; those people who had been trying to be friends with him would be too scared now, and he'd rather have lost them on his own terms.
Hand shaking, he touched the stem of one of the plants and counted to three under his breath. As he counted, the flowers along its length shriveled up and fell, the stem losing water almost instantly; after three seconds, the plant was suddenly, inexplicably dead. There was complete silence from behind him. He pulled the glove back on, eyes staring at the dead plant, feeling the comfort of the leather stealing back on him, a protective shield around him that stayed invisible to the human eye at all times.
Yehsung had dropped his pen, and both he and Kangin were staring at him, wide-eyed. In fact, that seemed to be the reaction of most of the class, and he desperately looked quickly from face to face, unable to take the shock written all over them. A boy near the back looked disgusted; a girl in front of him looked suddenly terrified. Eeteuk looked sympathetic. Hankyung caught Heechul's eyes last: he merely looked thoughtful.
He looked at the teacher, who was smiling sadly. "Thank you, Hankyung," she said. "You may sit down now."
Hankyung picked up his things from beside her desk and placed them on the empty table that he had wanted to get to before. He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath when the boy at the table next to him quickly moved his table away a little. Luckily the sound of his breath went unnoticed as the teacher had now started the lesson and was talking. He sat down and get out his things with his head bowed. He missed the movement behind him, as Heechul tossed a note to Kangin, who glanced at Hankyung, nodded, and then passed it onto Yehsung. Yehsung frowned a little as he read it, but once he looked over at Heechul and Kangin, he slowly nodded his head. Together, they spent the rest of the morning class time trying to get the attention of Eeteuk, who was completely oblivious, engrossed in the lessons.
"Oh my god," Heechul whispered eventually to Kangin. "This is like him with your crush: he just doesn't notice."
"Rub it in a little harder," hissed Kangin.
On leaving the classroom, Hankyung wasn't surprised to find that he was alone. Most of his classmates were avoiding him like he had some sort of plague, which, on second thoughts, he probably did have. Even those who he thought were trying to be friends now grabbed hold of Eeteuk and dragged him in the opposite direction to the front lawn, where Hankyung had been heading.
He wandered over the lawn without looking at anyone around him, head bowed. He wasn't hungry, had lost any appetite when he had stripped off the glove and put his fingers to the stem of the plant. It may have only been a plant, but he still didn't like killing it for no reason other than to show that he could. This was why he had never wanted to leave the comfort of his bedroom, where he could pretend to be normal, gloves lying on his dresser.
He shook his head. He had had to leave that room, come to Korea, be like this. It was the only thing he had been able to do, unable to face his parents after what he had done. A terrible mistake that ate at him inside, a mistake that had ruined his parent's dreams for a normal life. He couldn't stay there, not after that.
Somewhere near the slope down to the large fountain which was the focal point of the front gardens, Hankyung spotted a girl from his class sitting along the edge of the fountain with another girl and two boys, laughing and eating together. As he neared, the girl he knew looked up, and he realised it was the one who had looked at him with terror in her eyes earlier in the classroom. On spotting him, the look returned, and she tapped the girl next to him and pointed at Hankyung, her attempt at being subtle clearly failing. The boys noticed where she was pointing, and scowled: she had clearly already told them the story.
Hankyung tried to ignore them as he walked past, heading back towards the dorms, but as he walked past he heard someone shout "Hey," and one of the boys pushed himself off the wall of the fountain, and as Hankyung turned around, he came to stand in front of him, arms folded.
"Is it true?" he asked, face tinged with interest and disgust. "Can you kill things with your touch?"
Hankyung entertained thoughts of denying it, or just ignoring him, but his friend had now jumped up to stand next to him, and the girl in his class was glaring at him. There was no denying or escaping now, but he was used to dealing with people who were fearful of him, or who hated him for his powers. He nodded, but stayed silent.
"I told you," said the girl, voice a little high with fear.
The boy who had spoken looked back at her, and then looked at Hankyung, eyes hard. "You shouldn't be here," he said.
"Yeah," said the other boy. "All of us are dangerous when our powers are uncontrolled, what if you kill someone accidently?"
"What if he doesn't do it accidently," said the first, a little snidely. "What if he had to leave China because he killed someone?"
"I don't know how the teachers could allow it," said the girl from his class. Rather than looking for trouble or being obnoxious like the two boys, she just honestly seemed scared, but Hankyung was too stricken by the previous statement to notice. His mind was frantically trying to work it though: was that was they were saying? Had it already come out? He had wanted to keep it silent, never let anyone know. It was one thing being disliked and feared, quite another to be thought of as a criminal on the run.
"Hey," said the second boy, noticing his tense expression and laughing a little. "I think we hit a nerve."
"So is it true then?" asked the first eagerly. "Did you kill someone?"
"I--" Hankyung stopped himself from reacting. The two boys came a little closer, their expressions nasty.
Suddenly there was a faint noise, like wind rushing through a hallway, but muffled somehow, and Sungmin appeared beside him, and immediately latched onto his arm. Hankyung was so shocked that he didn't even react to it, just staring at him in shock. "Oh good," said Sungmin brightly, paying no attention to the boys in front of them. "I found you, everyone was wondering where you'd gone."
He turned and waved his free arm in the air, in the direction of the front entrance to the school. "Hey!" he shouted, waving like a maniac. "Hey guys, I found him!"
Squinting, Hankyung could just make out a group of people standing in front of the doors, but there was no way that Sungmin would have been able to catch their attention, they were too far away. However two people suddenly pointed down to exactly where they were, and Hankyung realised that Zhou Mi and Shindong must have heard; Sungmin had shouted with his mind so that Zhou Mi would hear if Shindong's super hearing failed him, as it could do.
"Why did you go?" Sungmin asked Hankyung, as the others came down towards them. The boys suddenly looked a little apprehensive. In the confusion, Hankyung still hadn't noticed that Sungmin had hold of his arm, but it suddenly struck him and he pulled his arm away harshly, like he'd been burnt. Sungmin frowned at him but didn't say anything; the same couldn't be said about the boys who had confronted Hankyung earlier.
"What, scared you'll kill him too?" The first one asked, clearly unable to stay quiet. Sungmin looked at them, confused. "Don't you know what his power is, Sungmin-shi?"
"Of course I do," said Sungmin. "Why would he kill me?"
"You touched him," said the boy, non-plussed.
"Yeah, but I didn't touch his hands," said Sungmin, and he smiled at Hankyung. "Right?"
Hankyung blinked, unsure as to when Sungmin had heard, and how he had worked out how the power worked. "Right," he said.
The others reached them then. "Next time you decide to go missing, can you do it after lunch?" asked Eeteuk, grinning in a good natured way. "We still haven't eaten yet, we were waiting for you."
"Yeah, you could as least have told us that you weren't hungry," said Kangin, a little grumpy.
"But--" Hankyung stopped himself, but the others just looked curiously at him. "You all walked off in the opposite direction after lessons."
"We thought you were following behind," said Yehsung. "We turned around and you were just gone."
"Wait," said the boy, and at the sound of his voice Heechul scowled and Kangin groaned under his breath. "You mean you're accepting him?"
Eeteuk frowned. "Of course we are, Jaekyung. Why wouldn't we?"
"His power," said Jaekyung. "It's not natural."
Heechul laughed in an unpleasant way. "Oh, like any of us are natural," he said. "Hankyung had no control over what his mutation was, just like you had no power over you being a complete dickhead."
"Heechul," said Eeteuk warningly, but it was already too late. The boy bristled with anger, and then his skin seemed to scale over suddenly, then darken, as if he was made of some sort of stone, linked like chain mail, and then something hissed, and from the links and holes oozed what looked like lava. His basic features were just about visible, but the effect was still strange. Hankyung couldn't help it; he took a step back. The heat radiating from him was suddenly intense.
"Jaekyung, stop it," said Eeteuk, sounding firm, though there was some desperation running underneath. "There's no need to over-react."
Jaekyung turned his face towards Eeteuk, eyes, irises and whites, suddenly glowing red. He said nothing, but hostility was visible in the way he stood. Kangin growled, and then suddenly morphed into a large tiger, standing in front of Eeteuk, who sighed. "Kangin," he said. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
"I don't think fire plays well with skin and your hollow bones," said Kangin's voice from the mouth of the tiger, and he didn't change back. Heechul rolled his eyes.
"Look," he said. "This is stupid. Jaekyung, you really just need to cool off." He glanced at Kyuhyun, who grinned, and then he looked over to the fountain. Suddenly, a mass of water lifted itself from the surface, and moved to hover over Jaekyung. Kyuhyun raised his hands, and suddenly the air around him turned frosty; from where Hankyung stood, most of him was hot, his right hand side freezing. It was a strange sensation.
"Don't make me dump this on you," said Heechul casually, though his gaze was focused clearly on the water; it seemed like it took some concentrating to do. Siwon stood next to him, looking carefully at the other boy in the group, as if ready to protect Heechul from an attack from that sector.
The grass around Kyuhyun's feet was now tinged with frost, and the air around his hands had turned white; he was swirling a finger through the fog. Jaekyung glanced up at the water which would no doubt extinguish him, and at Kyuhyun, who was clearly ready to freeze him, and seemed to decide to give up. The lava seemed to get sucked back into his body, and then the strange stone scales faded away to be replaced by his normal skin. The grass around his feet was scorched black.
"Jaekyung, go away and I won't write you up." Eeteuk actually did look annoyed. "Heechul, Kyuhyun, Kangin, stop now, or I will write you up. You know you're not supposed to use your powers outside of the school building."
Heechul glared back at him, motioning to Sungmin. "Well, what about him? He transported down here."
"Yeah, but I started in the hallway of the school," said Sungmin with a grin. "You've got to think about the technicalities of it."
"Oh, you are so smug," said Heechul. "I want to hit you, I really do."
The water suddenly jumped back over into the fountain, causing a slight splash, a few drops of water hitting the girls sitting there, so that they jumped up, squealing. Heechul was glaring at the one from their class, but she seemed to be avoiding looking at him. While the grass around Kyuhyun was still frosty, the air had turned back to normal, and he had his hands tucked under his armpits to apparently try to warm them up. Zhou Mi looked curiously at him, Kyuhyun muttered something in Chinese too quiet for Hankyung to hear, and Zhou Mi took his hands and began rubbing them, trying to warm them up. Sungmin watched the whole thing with a dismayed expression.
Jaekyung turned then, muttering "Come on," to his friends. The other boy glared at Hankyung and the group, but turned anyway. The two girls shot one last scared look at Hankyung and then followed on. Hankyung let out a shaky breath that he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.
Kangin slowly turned back, looking at Eeteuk sheepishly. Eeteuk glared at him. "All three of you," he said. "Do you know how difficult it is to appear impartial when I don't want to get you into trouble? I had to let Jaekyung go, if you'd just controlled yourselves, I'd have been able to pull him up in front of the teachers."
"Sorry, hyung," said Kangin, but Heechul just look bored and Kyuhyun was shivering still. Eeteuk turned around and began storming up towards the school, with Ryeowook hurrying by his side, Yehsung hurrying after Ryeowook. "Great," said Kangin. "Now he's angry at me."
"Your chances just keep getting better and better," said Heechul cheerfully. Zhou Mi then began pulling Kyuhyun up towards the school, holding onto his hands, telling him that he should warm up. As they got out of earshot, Sungmin let out a heavy sigh. Heechul looked at him, amused. "And don't even get me started on your chances. You should really just give up."
"Hyung," whined Sungmin. "I'm going to draw on you with permanent marker while you sleep tonight."
"What kind of a threat is that?" Heechul asked, linking his arm through Sungmin's and trying to pull him forward. "There wasn't even any real violence in there. You didn't even threaten myhair."
"If I threatened any worse, you'd do it to me instead before I could do it to you," said Sungmin miserably. "I swear, hyung, I'm just going about it wrong, I'll get it right some day."
"Short of stripping off and giving him a lap dance," said Heechul, before they were out of earshot, "I don't think Kyuhyun is ever going to notice you."
Eunhyuk, Donghae and Shindong followed them, laughing amongst themselves, with Kangin following behind, looking entirely despondent. Soon, only Siwon and the silent boy from the night before, who Hankyung had found out was called Henry, were left, Siwon looking thoughtfully at Hankyung, Henry looking curiously at Siwon.
"Heechul-hyung told me about your power," said Siwon suddenly and loudly. "Is that why you were--"
"Why I was being a bastard?" Hankyung asked, and then shrugged at the shocked look on Siwon's face. "There's no point in denying it, I was."
"Well," said Siwon, looking unsure. "I wouldn't go that far."
"No," said Hankyung, shaking his head. "I was. And I -- it's partly my power, I just--"
"I understand," said Siwon eagerly. "It's terrifying, knowing you could crush someone just by hugging them, I -- I'm terrified of hugging Heechul-hyung, because he's so thin, what if I hurt him?" He looked at the floor, part sheepish, part nervous. "I'm not even allowed to touch Eeteuk-hyung," he muttered. "His wings also mean that he has hollow bones and they haven't strengthened enough yet."
"I--" Hankyung broke off, remembering his parents faces when his power had been revealed, remembering their faces when he had brought -- he stopped himself, looked at Siwon. "You accept me?"
"Huh?" Siwon looked up; Henry had tugged on his sleeve, looking impatient and curious now. "Well, of course we do. It's not like your power is anything that you can control."
"But I kill things," said Hankyung.
"I was taught to believe that my power was a gift from God," said Siwon. "Your power was given to you by God for a reason."
"If you knew--" said Hankyung harrowedly, before breaking off, breathing heavily. His power was not a gift, it was nothing but a curse, for him and for his family. Siwon was looking at him, questioningly. Hankyung shook his head desperately. "I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.
"But--" said Siwon, looking like he wasn't going to let it go, but then Henry spoke for the first time since Hankyung had arrived, something in English that Hankyung didn't understand. Siwon actually answered him in English, though it was a lot more stilted.
"No, I didn't understand what Heechul-ge said," said Henry in Chinese suddenly, and Hankyung blinked at him. "I don't know what his power is."
"Oh," said Siwon, in Chinese also. "I don't know how to say it, in Chinese or English."
"I kill things," said Hankyung bluntly. Henry turned to look at him nervously. "I touch things and they die."
"Oh," said Henry, and then grinned, cheekily. "I won't ask to shake your hand then."
"Henry!" said Siwon, in a shocked, scolding tone, but Hankyung felt something bubble up inside of him, something akin to amusement. It felt strange.
Henry looked sheepish, but pulled on Siwon's sleeve again. "Ge, can we go eat?" Siwon nodded, and them glanced at Hankyung and smiled in the same friendly way as he had the night previous. Hankyung nodded; Siwon had been nothing but nice to him, and Hankyung owed him at least civility. He would be around them now, but that didn't mean he was happy about it. As he walked with Siwon and Henry up to the school, he felt the danger he posed to the group even more acutely.
"Oh," he said morosely, staring between the spot where the alarm clock used to be, and the spot where the alarm clock now lay in pieces. "That's the sixth one this term."
Hankyung sat up, needing to ask his question no matter how tired he was. "Is it really that hard? Learning to control your powers?"
"It comes easier to some," said Siwon. "Kyuhyun, he's my year, but he's got senior-level control over his powers. His roommate, Ryeowook, however, still causes things to set alight every so often, so they're well-suited in that case."
Hankyung realised from the way Siwon was smiling at him that he expected him to now ask what Kyuhyun's power was. He wanted, somehow, to pull Hankyung into a conversation. Hankyung, however, was reluctant to show any kind of interest whatsoever, so he boxed down his curiousity. He wasn't at this school for other people, he was at this school for himself.
Siwon, finally understanding that Hankyung wasn't going to ask about Kyuhyun, glanced down and asked; "You wear your gloves to bed?"
"Yes," said Hankyung, a little flatly, looking neither at the gloves or Siwon.
"Oh," said Siwon, a trace of hurt in his voice that he was unable to disguise. Even from the short time Hankyung had known him, he had come to realise that Siwon wore his emotions on his sleeve. He felt slightly guilty over the way he was acting, but he was at this school for a purpose, and making friends was not it.
Hankyung showered first -- "I might break the shower again," Siwon had explained -- and instead of waiting for Siwon to finish, he instead got dressed and went to see if he could find the dining hall on his own. He was hoping that it would be empty this early, but when he arrived there -- after having taken a wrong turn and had to correct himself -- there were already a few people there, some of whom he recognised.
"Hi, Hankyung," said Eeteuk, smiling widely at him. Hankyung took the seat next to him, making sure there was enough room between them to stop their hands from ever touching, regardless of gloves. Eeteuk looked at the door curiously. "Where's Siwon?" he asked.
"In the room, I think," said Hankyung, reaching forward to help himself to some rice. He actually was hungry this morning, but then anyone would be after going without food for an entire day beforehand. He looked at the other person on the table and struggled to name him until he noticed the red tipping his hair. Ryeowook, Kyuhyun's roommate, who apparently set things alight.
Ryeowook seemed happy to just sit and eat in silence, which Hankyung thought was a desirable quality most of the others he had been introduced to seemed to lack. Eeteuk rambled on about things, Hankyung just stayed silent, and Ryeowook appeared to have mastered the art of nodding and making agreeing noises in all the right places. Hankyung was staring over at the large windows around the sides of the dining hall to look outside when suddenly Sungmin appeared at the table, smiling widely.
Hankyung jumped so hard that he hit his knee off the table; the wooden chopsticks in Ryeowook's hands suddenly burst into flame and he dropped them hurriedly and Eeteuk then threw water over them to stop the fire spreading to the wooden bench. "Hyung," wailed Ryeowook to Sungmin, as he sat down next to him. "I wish you would stop doing that, it's so scary."
"If I was supposed to walk down stairs, I wouldn't have been given the power to teleport straight to the bottom of them, would I?" said Sungmin cheerfully, and reached forward to help himself to some breakfast. The door to the hall opened then, and Heechul and Siwon stepped in. Heechul immediately spotted Sungmin and shouted over to him.
"You could at least bring me down with you," he shouted, hurrying over. Sungmin grinned at him.
"You know I don't have that control yet, hyung," he said. "What if I tried and you ended up with my face?"
"I would never be able to go outside," said Heechul in mock-horror, and slipped into a seat. Siwon looked like he wanted to say something to Hankyung, but chose not to, instead taking the seat next to Heechul. Hankyung was beginning to wonder if he'd ever see one of them without the other.
"Hyung, can I have permission to go into town this Saturday?" Siwon was now looking desperately at Eeteuk. "I need to buy a new alarm clock."
Eeteuk sighed, but Heechul just laughed. "God, Siwon," he said. "Your power costs the most out of all of us."
Money wise, maybe, but looking around, Hankyung could see that none of them really felt that their powers were anything less than brilliant. Sungmin, who teleported everywhere; Heechul, who used his power to annoy people; the others whose powers were raw and uncontrolled, but who still felt blessed to have them. Hankyung flexed his hands in his lap. He had never once thought of his own power that way, and he probably never would.
"I'm supposed to learn something," said Siwon. "But I feel like I'm getting worse."
"Don't worry," said Eeteuk. "It will come eventually."
"Just make sure you don't touch anything I own before you get it," said Heechul firmly.
Someone that Hankyung didn't know stopped by the table to talk to Eeteuk, who turned around in his seat -- Hankyung stared a little at the feathers which seemed to sprout straight from his back, pure white and soft, through holes in the back of his shirt. Eeteuk turned around and caught him looking. He smiled widely. "Didn't you know?" he asked.
Hankyung shook his head, and before he could stop himself, asked; "Can I see?"
"Sure," said Eeteuk, and he stood up and then, after making sure no one would be hit, unfolded a pair of huge, white wings from his back. Hankyung couldn't help but gape a little: sure, he'd noticed some bulk in the back of Eeteuk's shirt the night before, but it hadn't been enough to indicate wings of this size.
"How do you hide them?" he asked.
"I don't, particularly," said Eeteuk. "They fold right down, so that there's barely any mass, but for school, my shirts are specially made to accomodate them, and when I'm wearing other stuff, I tend to just get quite baggy things because it's easier than putting holes in them."
"What about your parents?" Hankyung asked. "Did they send you here?"
Eeteuk was looking at Hankyung like he was weighing something up in his mind, like he was trying to work something out. "They didn't send me, I asked to come," he said. "I read about it and wanted to come."
"My parents sent me here," said Heechul with a sigh. "Shipped me off like unwanted luggage, never to speak of me again."
"Hyung, don't lie," said Siwon. He seemed to be constantly disappointed or offended by whatever Heechul said. "You wanted to come here too."
"Why don't my parents visit me, then?" Heechul insisted.
"They do visit you," said Eeteuk, exasperated. "They visit every year."
"New boy didn't know that," said Heechul. "You totally just spoiled my fun. How can I convince him that I'm just like him?"
"Ju--just like me?" Hankyung stammered a little, staring at Heechul. What could Heechul possibly know about Hankyung -- he wasn't the one who could read minds.
"A loner," said Heechul. "My powers are so misunderstood that I must wander the earth alone forever, feared and fearing myself. Ah, what a hard life."
There was some laughter at that; Heechul was poking fun at him. Anger flared up inside Hankyung, and he glared at Heechul, who just looked back at him, impassively. Hankyung opened his mouth to speak, and Heechul just raised an eyebrow at him, and Hankyung realised that that was what Heechul wanted: he was trying to get a reaction of some sort. Slowly, Hankyung turned away to look at his breakfast. Even as others came down and took their seats, Hankyung didn't look up.
He was rather shocked than when the anger faded away to find that the emotion left behind was shame. He had come to this school determined to talk to no one, determined that no one would ever know his secret. But letting them know that he spoke Korean had ensured an awareness in them that he should talk and listen, and therefore the fact that he was rejecting their feelers of friendship was all the more damaging.
They actually had noticed his silences and his slight scorn, because he wasn't hiding behind his being Chinese. Heechul had recognised it, and Heechul thought he knew the reason for it, and he may have been closer than he realised, but Hankyung had his reasons for being distant, and his reasons for not wanting to get close to people. He buried down that prickling of shame: it was better for everyone if he was disliked.
A bell rang somewhere outside, and Hankyung looked up in confusion. "We have to get ready for classes now," said Eeteuk, taking pity on him. "We have half an hour to get to our first class from now."
"Oh," said Hankyung. Sungmin disappeared from the table, and then Donghae stood up and he too seemed to disappear. Hankyung blinked, but now everyone was getting up and preparing to move, so he didn't have a chance to ask how Donghae had managed it. Siwon, of course, walked a little in front with Heechul, and kept glancing back at Hankyung, as if he was worried, but Hankyung just ignored it and slowed down more and more until he could no longer make out the expressions of their faces whenever they turned around to look back at him. By the time he got to his bedroom, Siwon was nowhere to be seen: it was Heechul who stood in front of the door and glared at him.
"I need to talk to you," he said, pushing himself off the door against which he had been leaning. Hankyung looked blankly at him. "I want an explanation."
"An explanation for what?" Hankyung moved to open the door to the room, but Heechul reached out and took hold of his arm. Hankyung wrenched it out of his hold with lightening speed, heart thumping in his chest.
"That," said Heechul simply, and then; "And for why you're being such a bastard to Siwon."
Hankyung lowered his head, staring at the floor, feeling shame wash back over him. "I can't tell you," he said. Heechul suddenly became incredulous.
"All Siwon has done since you came to this school has been friendly towards you," he said. "It's only been a day and he's already convinced that you hate him. He's probably walking to class right now trying to work out what he's done."
"It's nothing he's done," said Hankyung quietly.
"Well, what is it?" Heechul asked, arms folded across his chest. Hankyung shook his head.
"I can't tell you," he said desperately. Heechul shook his head too.
"Then we can't help you." He turned and began to stalk away down the hallway. Then he stopped, and turned around. "And whatever your problem is with Siwon, sort it, before I do something about it."
Hankyung stood there for a minute or so after Heechul left the hall, eyes screwed shut; he felt almost close to tears. This was why he hadn't left the house, this was why he had locked himself away, this was why he had made himself numb: emotion hurt
He was almost late to class, and made it to the room he had been told to go to just before the bell rang. He knocked and opened the door to the third year classroom. Despite what he had told the teachers, they had put him in with his fellow eighteen-year-olds on the principle of his age, although he was likely to be behind even the first years, both in controlling his powers and in general lessons. He hadn't been to school for ten years, what he knew was what his parents had chosen to teach him, and what he had been able to teach himself. He only knew Korean because he'd decided to teach himself -- he had heard of a school in Korea, had never thought he'd actually end up there.
The teacher at the front of the room was a young woman in her mid-twenties, wearing a light blue skirt, with long black hair pulled back into a bun. She smiled welcomingly at him and said; "You must be Hankyung, right?" Hankyung nodded. "Come in, then. I'll introduce you to the class."
Hankyung already knew some of the class: there were only fifteen people in it, four of whom were Eeteuk, Heechul, Kangin and Yehsung. Eeteuk, sitting by the window at the front, smiled welcomingly at him. Heechul, at the back in the same row, was looking at his fingernails, clearly bored. Kangin, sat on the table next to him, was staring out of the window. Yehsung, a row across from Kangin, two chairs in front, was tapping his pen. Hankyung had wanted apathy and he had mostly got it.
"This is Hankyung," said the teacher, Ms. Park. "He's just started the school, he's come from China to learn how to control his powers." She turned, smiling, towards Hankyung, and he got ready to take the spare seat over on the left hand side of the classroom, but she stopped him and said; "Why don't you give us a demonstration of your power, Hankyung?"
Hankyung stared at her. She continued to smile, but now there was something in her face that made Hankyung swallow hard. He had been wondering about whether she knew about his power and the effect it could have, but now he realised that she knew exactly what it was, and she wanted him to reveal it anyway. Why, Hankyung didn't know, but he knew that if he went up against this woman, he would lose. He would later find that all teachers at the school knew exactly what they were up against, and didn't take no for an answer.
He sighed and nodded once, shortly. At the back of the classroom, Heechul sat up sharply, which made Kangin glance over at him. He whispered something, and Heechul whispered back. Kangin looked over at Hankyung quickly. By now, the entire class was watching curiously, but the four he already knew were watching him intensely: they knew what this moment held.
Slowly, fingers trembling, he removed one of his gloves from his hands, and clenched his fingers. His teacher had gone back behind her desk, and even though he was about a metre away from the nearest student, he was still nervous about what he could do.
He stepped over to the window where some plants were laying in the sun, the flowers on some of them blooming. Behind him, he heard a confused whisper of power over plants? and understood their confusion -- why would it be necessary for him to wear gloves if that was his power? He screwed his eyes as he reached a hand out, because he knew what his power meant -- rejection, fear; those people who had been trying to be friends with him would be too scared now, and he'd rather have lost them on his own terms.
Hand shaking, he touched the stem of one of the plants and counted to three under his breath. As he counted, the flowers along its length shriveled up and fell, the stem losing water almost instantly; after three seconds, the plant was suddenly, inexplicably dead. There was complete silence from behind him. He pulled the glove back on, eyes staring at the dead plant, feeling the comfort of the leather stealing back on him, a protective shield around him that stayed invisible to the human eye at all times.
Yehsung had dropped his pen, and both he and Kangin were staring at him, wide-eyed. In fact, that seemed to be the reaction of most of the class, and he desperately looked quickly from face to face, unable to take the shock written all over them. A boy near the back looked disgusted; a girl in front of him looked suddenly terrified. Eeteuk looked sympathetic. Hankyung caught Heechul's eyes last: he merely looked thoughtful.
He looked at the teacher, who was smiling sadly. "Thank you, Hankyung," she said. "You may sit down now."
Hankyung picked up his things from beside her desk and placed them on the empty table that he had wanted to get to before. He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath when the boy at the table next to him quickly moved his table away a little. Luckily the sound of his breath went unnoticed as the teacher had now started the lesson and was talking. He sat down and get out his things with his head bowed. He missed the movement behind him, as Heechul tossed a note to Kangin, who glanced at Hankyung, nodded, and then passed it onto Yehsung. Yehsung frowned a little as he read it, but once he looked over at Heechul and Kangin, he slowly nodded his head. Together, they spent the rest of the morning class time trying to get the attention of Eeteuk, who was completely oblivious, engrossed in the lessons.
"Oh my god," Heechul whispered eventually to Kangin. "This is like him with your crush: he just doesn't notice."
"Rub it in a little harder," hissed Kangin.
On leaving the classroom, Hankyung wasn't surprised to find that he was alone. Most of his classmates were avoiding him like he had some sort of plague, which, on second thoughts, he probably did have. Even those who he thought were trying to be friends now grabbed hold of Eeteuk and dragged him in the opposite direction to the front lawn, where Hankyung had been heading.
He wandered over the lawn without looking at anyone around him, head bowed. He wasn't hungry, had lost any appetite when he had stripped off the glove and put his fingers to the stem of the plant. It may have only been a plant, but he still didn't like killing it for no reason other than to show that he could. This was why he had never wanted to leave the comfort of his bedroom, where he could pretend to be normal, gloves lying on his dresser.
He shook his head. He had had to leave that room, come to Korea, be like this. It was the only thing he had been able to do, unable to face his parents after what he had done. A terrible mistake that ate at him inside, a mistake that had ruined his parent's dreams for a normal life. He couldn't stay there, not after that.
Somewhere near the slope down to the large fountain which was the focal point of the front gardens, Hankyung spotted a girl from his class sitting along the edge of the fountain with another girl and two boys, laughing and eating together. As he neared, the girl he knew looked up, and he realised it was the one who had looked at him with terror in her eyes earlier in the classroom. On spotting him, the look returned, and she tapped the girl next to him and pointed at Hankyung, her attempt at being subtle clearly failing. The boys noticed where she was pointing, and scowled: she had clearly already told them the story.
Hankyung tried to ignore them as he walked past, heading back towards the dorms, but as he walked past he heard someone shout "Hey," and one of the boys pushed himself off the wall of the fountain, and as Hankyung turned around, he came to stand in front of him, arms folded.
"Is it true?" he asked, face tinged with interest and disgust. "Can you kill things with your touch?"
Hankyung entertained thoughts of denying it, or just ignoring him, but his friend had now jumped up to stand next to him, and the girl in his class was glaring at him. There was no denying or escaping now, but he was used to dealing with people who were fearful of him, or who hated him for his powers. He nodded, but stayed silent.
"I told you," said the girl, voice a little high with fear.
The boy who had spoken looked back at her, and then looked at Hankyung, eyes hard. "You shouldn't be here," he said.
"Yeah," said the other boy. "All of us are dangerous when our powers are uncontrolled, what if you kill someone accidently?"
"What if he doesn't do it accidently," said the first, a little snidely. "What if he had to leave China because he killed someone?"
"I don't know how the teachers could allow it," said the girl from his class. Rather than looking for trouble or being obnoxious like the two boys, she just honestly seemed scared, but Hankyung was too stricken by the previous statement to notice. His mind was frantically trying to work it though: was that was they were saying? Had it already come out? He had wanted to keep it silent, never let anyone know. It was one thing being disliked and feared, quite another to be thought of as a criminal on the run.
"Hey," said the second boy, noticing his tense expression and laughing a little. "I think we hit a nerve."
"So is it true then?" asked the first eagerly. "Did you kill someone?"
"I--" Hankyung stopped himself from reacting. The two boys came a little closer, their expressions nasty.
Suddenly there was a faint noise, like wind rushing through a hallway, but muffled somehow, and Sungmin appeared beside him, and immediately latched onto his arm. Hankyung was so shocked that he didn't even react to it, just staring at him in shock. "Oh good," said Sungmin brightly, paying no attention to the boys in front of them. "I found you, everyone was wondering where you'd gone."
He turned and waved his free arm in the air, in the direction of the front entrance to the school. "Hey!" he shouted, waving like a maniac. "Hey guys, I found him!"
Squinting, Hankyung could just make out a group of people standing in front of the doors, but there was no way that Sungmin would have been able to catch their attention, they were too far away. However two people suddenly pointed down to exactly where they were, and Hankyung realised that Zhou Mi and Shindong must have heard; Sungmin had shouted with his mind so that Zhou Mi would hear if Shindong's super hearing failed him, as it could do.
"Why did you go?" Sungmin asked Hankyung, as the others came down towards them. The boys suddenly looked a little apprehensive. In the confusion, Hankyung still hadn't noticed that Sungmin had hold of his arm, but it suddenly struck him and he pulled his arm away harshly, like he'd been burnt. Sungmin frowned at him but didn't say anything; the same couldn't be said about the boys who had confronted Hankyung earlier.
"What, scared you'll kill him too?" The first one asked, clearly unable to stay quiet. Sungmin looked at them, confused. "Don't you know what his power is, Sungmin-shi?"
"Of course I do," said Sungmin. "Why would he kill me?"
"You touched him," said the boy, non-plussed.
"Yeah, but I didn't touch his hands," said Sungmin, and he smiled at Hankyung. "Right?"
Hankyung blinked, unsure as to when Sungmin had heard, and how he had worked out how the power worked. "Right," he said.
The others reached them then. "Next time you decide to go missing, can you do it after lunch?" asked Eeteuk, grinning in a good natured way. "We still haven't eaten yet, we were waiting for you."
"Yeah, you could as least have told us that you weren't hungry," said Kangin, a little grumpy.
"But--" Hankyung stopped himself, but the others just looked curiously at him. "You all walked off in the opposite direction after lessons."
"We thought you were following behind," said Yehsung. "We turned around and you were just gone."
"Wait," said the boy, and at the sound of his voice Heechul scowled and Kangin groaned under his breath. "You mean you're accepting him?"
Eeteuk frowned. "Of course we are, Jaekyung. Why wouldn't we?"
"His power," said Jaekyung. "It's not natural."
Heechul laughed in an unpleasant way. "Oh, like any of us are natural," he said. "Hankyung had no control over what his mutation was, just like you had no power over you being a complete dickhead."
"Heechul," said Eeteuk warningly, but it was already too late. The boy bristled with anger, and then his skin seemed to scale over suddenly, then darken, as if he was made of some sort of stone, linked like chain mail, and then something hissed, and from the links and holes oozed what looked like lava. His basic features were just about visible, but the effect was still strange. Hankyung couldn't help it; he took a step back. The heat radiating from him was suddenly intense.
"Jaekyung, stop it," said Eeteuk, sounding firm, though there was some desperation running underneath. "There's no need to over-react."
Jaekyung turned his face towards Eeteuk, eyes, irises and whites, suddenly glowing red. He said nothing, but hostility was visible in the way he stood. Kangin growled, and then suddenly morphed into a large tiger, standing in front of Eeteuk, who sighed. "Kangin," he said. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
"I don't think fire plays well with skin and your hollow bones," said Kangin's voice from the mouth of the tiger, and he didn't change back. Heechul rolled his eyes.
"Look," he said. "This is stupid. Jaekyung, you really just need to cool off." He glanced at Kyuhyun, who grinned, and then he looked over to the fountain. Suddenly, a mass of water lifted itself from the surface, and moved to hover over Jaekyung. Kyuhyun raised his hands, and suddenly the air around him turned frosty; from where Hankyung stood, most of him was hot, his right hand side freezing. It was a strange sensation.
"Don't make me dump this on you," said Heechul casually, though his gaze was focused clearly on the water; it seemed like it took some concentrating to do. Siwon stood next to him, looking carefully at the other boy in the group, as if ready to protect Heechul from an attack from that sector.
The grass around Kyuhyun's feet was now tinged with frost, and the air around his hands had turned white; he was swirling a finger through the fog. Jaekyung glanced up at the water which would no doubt extinguish him, and at Kyuhyun, who was clearly ready to freeze him, and seemed to decide to give up. The lava seemed to get sucked back into his body, and then the strange stone scales faded away to be replaced by his normal skin. The grass around his feet was scorched black.
"Jaekyung, go away and I won't write you up." Eeteuk actually did look annoyed. "Heechul, Kyuhyun, Kangin, stop now, or I will write you up. You know you're not supposed to use your powers outside of the school building."
Heechul glared back at him, motioning to Sungmin. "Well, what about him? He transported down here."
"Yeah, but I started in the hallway of the school," said Sungmin with a grin. "You've got to think about the technicalities of it."
"Oh, you are so smug," said Heechul. "I want to hit you, I really do."
The water suddenly jumped back over into the fountain, causing a slight splash, a few drops of water hitting the girls sitting there, so that they jumped up, squealing. Heechul was glaring at the one from their class, but she seemed to be avoiding looking at him. While the grass around Kyuhyun was still frosty, the air had turned back to normal, and he had his hands tucked under his armpits to apparently try to warm them up. Zhou Mi looked curiously at him, Kyuhyun muttered something in Chinese too quiet for Hankyung to hear, and Zhou Mi took his hands and began rubbing them, trying to warm them up. Sungmin watched the whole thing with a dismayed expression.
Jaekyung turned then, muttering "Come on," to his friends. The other boy glared at Hankyung and the group, but turned anyway. The two girls shot one last scared look at Hankyung and then followed on. Hankyung let out a shaky breath that he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.
Kangin slowly turned back, looking at Eeteuk sheepishly. Eeteuk glared at him. "All three of you," he said. "Do you know how difficult it is to appear impartial when I don't want to get you into trouble? I had to let Jaekyung go, if you'd just controlled yourselves, I'd have been able to pull him up in front of the teachers."
"Sorry, hyung," said Kangin, but Heechul just look bored and Kyuhyun was shivering still. Eeteuk turned around and began storming up towards the school, with Ryeowook hurrying by his side, Yehsung hurrying after Ryeowook. "Great," said Kangin. "Now he's angry at me."
"Your chances just keep getting better and better," said Heechul cheerfully. Zhou Mi then began pulling Kyuhyun up towards the school, holding onto his hands, telling him that he should warm up. As they got out of earshot, Sungmin let out a heavy sigh. Heechul looked at him, amused. "And don't even get me started on your chances. You should really just give up."
"Hyung," whined Sungmin. "I'm going to draw on you with permanent marker while you sleep tonight."
"What kind of a threat is that?" Heechul asked, linking his arm through Sungmin's and trying to pull him forward. "There wasn't even any real violence in there. You didn't even threaten myhair."
"If I threatened any worse, you'd do it to me instead before I could do it to you," said Sungmin miserably. "I swear, hyung, I'm just going about it wrong, I'll get it right some day."
"Short of stripping off and giving him a lap dance," said Heechul, before they were out of earshot, "I don't think Kyuhyun is ever going to notice you."
Eunhyuk, Donghae and Shindong followed them, laughing amongst themselves, with Kangin following behind, looking entirely despondent. Soon, only Siwon and the silent boy from the night before, who Hankyung had found out was called Henry, were left, Siwon looking thoughtfully at Hankyung, Henry looking curiously at Siwon.
"Heechul-hyung told me about your power," said Siwon suddenly and loudly. "Is that why you were--"
"Why I was being a bastard?" Hankyung asked, and then shrugged at the shocked look on Siwon's face. "There's no point in denying it, I was."
"Well," said Siwon, looking unsure. "I wouldn't go that far."
"No," said Hankyung, shaking his head. "I was. And I -- it's partly my power, I just--"
"I understand," said Siwon eagerly. "It's terrifying, knowing you could crush someone just by hugging them, I -- I'm terrified of hugging Heechul-hyung, because he's so thin, what if I hurt him?" He looked at the floor, part sheepish, part nervous. "I'm not even allowed to touch Eeteuk-hyung," he muttered. "His wings also mean that he has hollow bones and they haven't strengthened enough yet."
"I--" Hankyung broke off, remembering his parents faces when his power had been revealed, remembering their faces when he had brought -- he stopped himself, looked at Siwon. "You accept me?"
"Huh?" Siwon looked up; Henry had tugged on his sleeve, looking impatient and curious now. "Well, of course we do. It's not like your power is anything that you can control."
"But I kill things," said Hankyung.
"I was taught to believe that my power was a gift from God," said Siwon. "Your power was given to you by God for a reason."
"If you knew--" said Hankyung harrowedly, before breaking off, breathing heavily. His power was not a gift, it was nothing but a curse, for him and for his family. Siwon was looking at him, questioningly. Hankyung shook his head desperately. "I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.
"But--" said Siwon, looking like he wasn't going to let it go, but then Henry spoke for the first time since Hankyung had arrived, something in English that Hankyung didn't understand. Siwon actually answered him in English, though it was a lot more stilted.
"No, I didn't understand what Heechul-ge said," said Henry in Chinese suddenly, and Hankyung blinked at him. "I don't know what his power is."
"Oh," said Siwon, in Chinese also. "I don't know how to say it, in Chinese or English."
"I kill things," said Hankyung bluntly. Henry turned to look at him nervously. "I touch things and they die."
"Oh," said Henry, and then grinned, cheekily. "I won't ask to shake your hand then."
"Henry!" said Siwon, in a shocked, scolding tone, but Hankyung felt something bubble up inside of him, something akin to amusement. It felt strange.
Henry looked sheepish, but pulled on Siwon's sleeve again. "Ge, can we go eat?" Siwon nodded, and them glanced at Hankyung and smiled in the same friendly way as he had the night previous. Hankyung nodded; Siwon had been nothing but nice to him, and Hankyung owed him at least civility. He would be around them now, but that didn't mean he was happy about it. As he walked with Siwon and Henry up to the school, he felt the danger he posed to the group even more acutely.
........................................................
No more was said of his power. It was as if the others just forgot about it, as they ate lunch and then went back to their classrooms for afternoon lessons. Nothing was even said to the girl who had been part of the confrontation: although she looked nervously at them, everyone just ignored her. Eeteuk was still annoyed, Kangin was still moping about it, Heechul looked bored by the whole thing, and Yehsung just looked generally bored by life and school. Hankyung kept himself to himself during the course of the lessons.
At four, the bells rang outside, and as the teacher packed up her things, Hankyung followed suit. The others, however, left their things where they were, and Heechul came over to where Hankyung was sitting, leaning over with his elbows on the table. "Don't bother," he said, motioning to his bag. "We have control lessons straight after normal lessons, we don't have time to go back to the dorms."
"Control lessons?" Hankyung looked around the classroom nervously. "I thought we'd be getting taught separately."
"Separately?"
"One at a time."
"Yehsung might be able to stop time," said Heechul. "But that doesn't mean there's enough time in the day to teach every student here separately." He straightened up, eyes only half focused on Hankyung. "You're not the only student here, you know," he said. "You can't be so selfish," and then he turned and left the room. Hankyung stared after him. Clearly no one else had heard what he had said, because when Eeteuk came over, he was smiling.
"We have to go down to the training hall now," he said. "Come on, I'll show you the way."
Hankyung followed Eeteuk down to a large hall with wooden flooring at the back end of the school. A female teacher stood in the middle of it, and a couple of people from the class were already there: apparently they had been set on their task before Hankyung had come in. Heechul was talking to her as they entered, and as they neared he nodded and went to a table over by the side which contained a multitude of objects, ranging in size from a football to a pile of dirt. Hankyung watched covertly as Heechul easily levitated the football, and only seemed to gain some trouble when he got down to trying to make the ping pong ball move in a perfectly straight line.
"Professor, this is Hankyung," said Eeteuk, motioning towards him. The teacher nodded.
"Thanks for bringing him down," she said. "Eeteuk, would you mind setting the others on their tasks so I can talk to Hankyung-shi? There's not much more you can do until your bones strengthen."
"Of course," said Eeteuk, and the teacher handed over her clipboard, before leading Hankyung to two chairs in the corner. She sat down on one, and motioned for him to sit. As he did so, he saw Kangin out of the corner of his eye suddenly change into a bear: if he hadn't seen him do it, he probably would have been scared out of his wits at the sight of a bear in the training hall.
"So, Hankyung-shi," said the teacher. "I'm Professor Lee, I teach the control lessons here at Soo Man. Before we start, I'd just like you to tell me a little about your powers." She saw the way Hankyung looked at her, uncertain, but she just smiled. "I've heard about it from other teachers, but I'd like to hear about it in your own words."
"I don't know how to describe it," said Hankyung. "I touch things and they die, there's -- nothing more to it."
"Hmmm." Professor Lee looked at him carefully. "What can you feel, when you touch things?" Hankyung wasn't certain what she meant; it clearly showed on his face, so she elaborated. "Is there a sense or a force in your fingers when you do it? Something that you physically do?"
"Are you asking if I kill things on purpose?" Hankyung asked sharply.
"No," said Professor Lee, like she hadn't noticed his tone. "But sometimes powers like this are something that we physically do, but we aren't aware that we're doing it."
"I don't feel anything," said Hankyung, in defeat. "It's just something that happens. It doesn't hurt, or tingle, or anything, I feel perfectly normal. It's just that -- things die."
"Hmm." The teacher was still regarding him. "When did it start?"
"I'm -- not entirely sure," Hankyung said. "When I was five, maybe?" The teacher raised an eyebrow; Hankyung didn't know whether it was a good thing or not. "I remember that I -- if there were insects in my room, if I managed to touch them, they would die."
"So it wasn't people to begin with?"
"No," said Hankyung. "It was plants and insects, and then -- I touched a rabbit at a petting zoo and it died. And I realised that something wasn't right."
"Strange," said his teacher. "And so it has just developed as you grew? When did you first realise that it affected humans?"
"I never tested it," said Hankyung faintly. "I just -- somehow I just knew. When I was twelve, something changed, and I just became aware of how dangerous I was. With puberty came this awareness. I stopped going to school then, and -- my parents were happy to home-school me, they were afraid of my power. They never wanted to talk about it. And then, slowly, I just -- I stopped going out."
He blinked; he hadn't expected to say that much, or tell anyone at all in Korea about his past. Seeing the expression on his face, Professor Lee laughed. "I'm sorry, I should have warned you. One of my powers is the ability to pull the truth from people without them being aware of it."
Hankyung felt like he should have been angry at her for tricking him like that, but somehow it had felt nice to finally tell someone about some of his past. "One of your powers?" he asked.
"I have the ability to heal," she said. "It makes me perfect for this job, because there are often mishaps in control sessions and I --"
She broke off, as something to their side smashed, the noise echoing around the hall. Hankyung's head shot around, trying to work out where the noise had come from, when he spotted Heechul sitting on the floor, head in his hands, whatever he had been trying to lift in pieces on the floor around him; it looked like it was glass. Professor Lee jumped to her feet and began to move over to him, but Kangin was already there, changing in motion from a tiger to his human form. Eeteuk seemed to shout something at him. Apparently Kangin wasn't allowed to change on the move, but Kangin didn't seem to notice that Eeteuk was angry at him this time, too busy helping Heechul up. "Come on," he was saying, when Hankyung stood up to see what had happened. "You need to rest for a bit."
Heechul slapped his hands away, but still looked unsteady. "I'm fine," he said. "God."
"You are clearly not fine," said Kangin, a little angrily. "Hyung, don't be so stupid, okay, just come and at least sit down."
"Heechul-shi?" Professor Lee was looking at him thoughtfully. "What happened?"
"Nothing happened," said Heechul. "I'm fine, seriously."
"Here," said Professor Lee, and took Heechul's hands and turned him towards her. Heechul submitted to it with a sigh, staring somewhere above her head as she placed both hands on the side of his head and closed her eyes. There was a moment where nothing seemed to happen, and then Heechul cried out and Professor Lee wrenched herself away from him, holding her own head. "Fine," she said loudly. "Heechul-shi, go lie down in the dorms."
Heechul looked like he wanted to argue, but there were suddenly dark shadows under his eyes, and he kept one hand to his head, palm pressed to his forehead. Kangin went with him, looking as though he wanted to support him, but not quite daring to touch him. Professor Lee sighed and closed her eyes; a pause later, she was smiling at Hankyung. Hankyung was looking at the door, a little confused.
"What happened?" he asked.
Professor Lee shrugged, looking strangely cheerful again. "I couldn't help him," she said. Hankyung frowned.
"I thought you could heal," he said.
"His telekinesis means that it rejects anything that tries to probe further than the elementary surface layers of the mind," she said. "His headache was brought about by his power, it runs deeper than a normal headache, and so I could not help him."
Hankyung was left thinking that mutants powers were infinitely more complex than his own had made him believe. His power was straightforward, easily discussed: he touched things and they died. He felt nothing, had no pain, but was that true of everyone?
"What caused Heechul to collapse?" he asked Eeteuk, as they walked back over to the dorms after getting their stuff from the classroom. Eeteuk sighed heavily.
"He pushes himself too hard," he said. "He might joke around with his powers, and use them for trivial stuff, but it's because he wants to be adept at that stuff, so it takes less thought to do so. He wants to have control over his powers, but he takes it too far, it's just what he's like. Concentrating on things so hard, it becomes too much for him, and he gets terrible, terrible headaches. Think of the worst migraine you've ever had, and it doesn't compare." He frowned, and said thoughtfully; "Though it does seem strange that the rather simple tasks he had to complete in control today caused such a bad headache."
Hankyung was silent for a moment, and then asked; "Does it hurt for you?"
"It did, once," said Eeteuk, with the simplicity of someone who had just accepted that that was what power meant. "I was twelve when my powers emerged, and my bones began to turn hollow as my wings grew; the pain was unbelievable. My wings grew fast, and the mutation was complete by the time I was thirteen, but the pain remained for another year. I lost a year of my life while drugged up on painkillers to numb the pain. It wasn't until I met Professor Lee that I was able to live through the pain; it became more of a dull ache due to her power. But it's fine now."
"But your bones still aren't complete?"
"They're hollow, more or less, but still fragile. Think of it like brittle bone disease. It will take another year or so before my mutation is complete."
That threw up something that Hankyung had never thought about. "So -- my power, my mutation might not be complete?"
"Possibly," said Eeteuk. "But I know very little about your power. Mine has gone on for very long time, whereas Kyuhyun's is practically complete. It depends from person to person. Control can come as a result of the mutation, like Kyuhyun, who has senior level control despite being a first year, or it must be learnt, like with Siwon. Like with most people, in fact."
"I will have to learn," said Hankyung quietly.
"Well, it's not easy," said Eeteuk. "But most people can get it."
"I will have to learn," repeated Hankyung, his determination flaring up inside of him. He had to learn to control his power if he was ever to face his family again. Eeteuk looked a little unsure, but by that point they were at the steps leading up to the dormitory building, and Siwon was waiting for them.
"Hyung!" he shouted, on seeing Eeteuk. "What's wrong with Heechul-hyung, he wouldn't say."
"Nothing's wrong, Siwon," said Eeteuk with a slight smile. "He just got another headache."
"I wish he wouldn't," said Siwon quietly. "I wish he wouldn't push himself so hard."
"If anyone could get through to him, it would be you, Siwon," said Eeteuk, slightly heavy in his tone, before he smiled. "Where is Heechul?"
"He's asleep," said Siwon. "I made him sleep."
"Good," said Eeteuk. "Hopefully it will be gone by the time dinner comes around." He left them at that point in time, turning off down a large hallway that apparently led to his bedroom: as head boy, he did not share a room with anyone. Hankyung and Siwon walked up to the third floor, Siwon still looking worried.
They passed a room where loud shouting was audible; it sounded more like someone was having fun than any fight was occurring, but Siwon looked curious and knocked and opened the door. Sungmin, Eunhyuk and Donghae looked at him; it was apparently Donghae and Eunhyuk's room. "Hey Siwon," said Donghae easily.
"What are you doing?" Siwon asked, taking a step into the room. Hankyung hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
"Discussing what happened in control today," said Donghae, with a grin at Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk glared back at him, only half-joking.
"What happened?" Siwon sat down on the bed next to Sungmin, and Hankyung briefly entertained thoughts about returning to his bedroom alone, but Donghae smiled and Eunhyuk motioned for him to come in, so he did so, but he did not sit down.
"So Professor Lee set us off," said Donghae. "And she had me running up and down the hall, going as fast as I could, and I was trying to stop in shorter distances while going the same speed, which is so hard, because it's like a car, you can pump on the brakes all you want but it won't brake in a shorter distance, and I just think--"
"Donghae," said Sungmin, slightly amused. "You're getting off-topic."
"Oh, right," said Donghae, not in the least embarrassed or sheepish. "So I was doing that, and Sungmin had to teleport onto a smaller surface than he had tried before, something about being precise, and Professor Lee was with Eunhyuk, making him put his hand through thicker and thicker surfaces."
"And so he got bored." Sungmin had picked up the story. "And because he's got that epic crush and all, he decided to show off. He told her that he could put his hand through bricks easily without even thinking about it. She didn't even blink an eyelid, she just told him to go try walking through the wall out of the hall. Eunhyuk, being so sure of himself, didn't think about what he was doing, and got stuck halfway through."
"So everyone stopped what they were doing, because Eunhyuk was panicking so much that he couldn't work out how to get himself out." Donghae was grinning widely at the thought. "And Professor Lee just stood there telling him that perhaps they should stick to the easier, more boring stuff before getting totally ridiculous."
"I love her," said Sungmin with a grin. "Well, I would, if I was, you know." Hankyung didn't, but no further explanation was forthcoming.
"It's the pelvis," said Eunhyuk, slightly sullen. "I always get stuck, it's because there's more mass there." There was a pause, and then Sungmin collapsed into laughter.
"Oh my god, it's like that English lesson all over again," he gasped. "'I'm long,' what a show-off!" Eunhyuk glared at him for a moment and then seemed to see the funny side and started to laugh too and before long Donghae had joined in. Siwon was smiling slightly until Sungmin fell against his side, and then straightened up, suddenly sober and rubbing at his shoulder.
"Wow, Siwon," he said. "It's like falling against a marble statue. Why so tense?"
"Am I?" Siwon blinked at him, and looked slightly sheepish. "I guess I'm still worried about Heechul-hyung."
"He's fine," said Sungmin. "He yelled at me as I was leaving, so I think he's perfectly alright." Then, as Siwon looked unsure, he asked; "How did your control lesson go this morning?"
"I broke everything I was supposed to bend," said Siwon, downcast. "And then I broke a chair in the classroom."
The others laughed, and even Hankyung thought it sounded amusing though he didn't smile: he had spent his own control lesson just talking through his power and didn't feel like he had managed anything concrete, anything actually helpful. Sungmin lay a hand on Siwon's shoulder, smiling at him. "Don't worry," he said. "You know how random my teleportations were when I first came here. You'll achieve control, just wait and see."
Siwon looked back at him and for a moment Hankyung thought he saw something flicker across his face -- and he knew he wasn't the only one, because Eunhyuk and Donghae grinned at each other, although Sungmin didn't seem to notice -- and then Siwon smiled back. "Thanks, hyung," he said.
"Come on," said Sungmin, jumping to his feet and moving over to the doorway. "We should probably go see how Heechul is getting on. It's been over an hour since he went to sleep, he's usually fine by now, and it's getting close to dinner."
"Yeah," said Siwon eagerly, and he too got to his feet and went to leave. Hankyung followed him, not saying a word, and missed the way Eunhyuk rolled his eyes, grinning, at Donghae behind him.
Sungmin knocked lightly on his bedroom door, and on there being no answer, slowly opened it: Heechul was stirring in his bed, blonde hair just visible above a bundle of blankets. Sungmin stepped inside. "Hyung?" he said softly.
Heechul groaned and sat up slowly, running one hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. He opened one eye and half-squinted at Sungmin. "What?" he asked.
"It's almost dinner time," said Sungmin, who apparently had decided that any danger posed had already passed, because now he was pulling a drawer next to the other bed open, and pulling a mobile telephone out. He sat down on his bed and flicked it open, looking through his messages.
Heechul sat up straighter, stretched a little, and then noticed Siwon and Hankyung. "What is this?" he asked, frowning a little. "View the freak?"
"Hyung, you're not a freak," said Siwon, a little confused. Heechul looked up at the ceiling in despair, and then shook his head. "How's your head?" Siwon asked, coming to sit on the bed next to him, very carefully and slowly, so as to stop it from breaking.
"It's fine," said Heechul, but even Hankyung had realised that Heechul claimed to be fine when he quite clearly wasn't: 'fine' could mean anything. Siwon apparently realised this too, because he just looked at Heechul until he sighed and snapped; "Okay, so it still hurts a little. I'm just hungry, that's all."
A bell went off outside in the corridor, signalling dinner. Sungmin looked up from his phone. "Are you even dressed?" he asked Heechul, who just gave him a Look. Sungmin laughed, and stood up. "I'll leave you to it," he said. "I'll meet you down at dinner, okay?"
"Fine," said Heechul and swung his legs out of bed, standing up and stretching, wearing only a pair of bright pink pyjama bottoms, body stick thin, blonde tips of his hair just brushing his shoulders. Hankyung was suddenly struck by how attractive Heechul was, had to stop himself from staring at his sharply defined hip bones, and for that reason, he chose to walk with Sungmin down to dinner rather than wait for Heechul to get dressed, like Siwon. Being civil was one thing: it was quite another to think Heechul attractive.
When they got to the dining hall, it was to see Ryeowook sitting with his hands in a bowl of ice, looking thoroughly miserable, although Yehsung seemed to be attempting to cheer him up. As they got to the table, they could see thatRyeowook's hands were burnt, skin pink and sore looking. "Oh my god, what happened to you?" Sungmin asked, rushing over to him.
"I set fire to my bedspread and burnt my hands putting it out," said Ryeowook dully.
"Idiot panicked and tried to put it out with his bare hands, instead of throwing some water over it," said Yehsung.
"That looks so painful," said Sungmin. "Are your hands going to be okay?"
"Luckily we got them in ice pretty quickly," said Yehsung. "The burnt skin has already dropped off, it's just the new skin coming through that's causing some pain now."
"How can it happen so quickly?" Hankyung asked. Yehsung looked at him with some surprise at his talking, but Hankyung didn't blame him.
"So long as I control the fire, it doesn't burn me," said Ryeowook. "As soon as it's outside of my control, I'm as vulnerable as any other person, except I heal much quicker from burns than any normal person."
"Ice helps it along," said Yehsung. "He should be fine by the time he goes to sleep. If we hadn't got the ice, he'd have had a rather uncomfortable night." He grinned at Ryeowook a little. "Bit of a mad rush, mind. He came into my room in tears and I had to take him down to the kitchens before it got too late."
"Kitchens?" Sungmin looked confused. "Wasn't Kyuhyun there to help?"
Yehsung and Ryeowook looked at each other, and then Yehsung said, too casually, "I think Kyuhyun was with Zhou Mi."
"Oh," said Sungmin, and Hankyung would have had to have been blind and deaf to not notice what was going on. The problem was, the more he tried to stop himself, the more interested he was in the lives of the people around him. He had started out convinced he was going to say nothing, and had ended up in civility. Now he was finding it increasingly difficult to stay there, because once he had stopped trying to push them away, he found that he did actually like these people.
Slowly the hall filled up with people, until most people had appeared at the table. Kibum came in when everyone else apart from Heechul and Siwon were there, a book in his hands. Donghae shouted him over, and then said, reproachfully, as Kibum sat down next to him, "I was looking for you earlier."
"I was in my room," said Kibum absently, helping himself to something to eat.
Donghae frowned. "I looked in there," he said.
"I know," said Kibum, and looked up and grinned in such an amused way that Hankyung smiled a little; it went unnoticed, because everyone was watching Donghae to see what his reaction was.
"Sometimes, I hate you," he said. Kibum laughed lowly, and Donghae nudged his shoulder with his own. "No, seriously. You can't just turn yourself invisible every time someone wants to talk to you."
"I had some homework to finish," said Kibum. "I knew you wouldn't let me finish it if I was visible."
"I wanted to tell you about Eunhyuk," said Donghae, and Eunhyuk threw his chopsticks at him, as Sungmin and Shindong laughed. Then there was a brief disturbance as Heechul and Siwon appeared. Everyone seemed to want to know how Heechul was, which seemed to just piss him off.
"I'm fine," he said, sitting down heavily on the bench. "God. Stop staring at me, idiots."
"You're bitching, you must be better," said Yehsung, who seemed to take levels of Heechul's happiness based on how vocal he was, much like everyone else seemed to do, because they all just left Heechul to it and turned back to their meals. Siwon seemed to try to help Heechul with whatever he was doing, until Heechul snapped at him angrily.
"God, Siwon, I can do it myself," he said, and there were a few raised eyebrows in his direction. That wasn't bitchiness. Heechul sighed heavily, and put down his fork. "Sorry, Siwon," he said quietly. "I'm going back up to the room, okay?"
"I'll come with you," said Sungmin, but Heechul shook his head.
"No," he said. "I want to go by myself."
Heechul stood up and walked out of the hall, everyone looking after him with worried expressions on their faces. "He's never usually this bad," said Eeteuk with a frown.
"Yesterday he fixed a door," said Siwon quietly. "He's still feeling the effects of that, I think."
"He fixed a door?" Eeteuk seemed incredulous. "Well yes, he's still going to be feeling that! He could have killed himself concentrating that hard. Why on Earth would he do that?"
"I was worried I'd get into trouble," said Siwon. "I broke it, you see."
"Siwon, you're not going to get into trouble," said Eeteuk patiently. "The teachers don't mind, they're used to dealing with this sort of stuff."
"But what if they think I'm not trying hard enough?"
"We know you're trying hard enough," said Eeteuk.
"Well, what about me?" Ryeowook held both his hands up. They had healed enough for him to take his hands out of the ice to eat, but they still looked rather sore. Yehsung sighed.
"Look," he said. "We still struggle, and we're third years. The teachers aren't expecting you to be perfect."
"I told you about what Eunhyuk did today, right?" Donghae nudged Eunhyuk in the side. "Professor Lee wasn't angry at him, it's all a learning curve. Or something."
Hankyung slowly pushed his chair back and stood up, saying quietly; "I'm going back up to the room."
Siwon frowned. "Why?"
"I'm tired," said Hankyung. "I'm--"
"You're not used to being around people?" Siwon nodded cheerfully. Hankyung blinked at him, a little unsure as to how he had worked that out. "It's fine, I'll be up later."
Hankyung nodded back, and turned and left the hall, walking slowly back up to his bedroom, thinking carefully. He had only been here for two days and yet he was already having to rethink his entire philosophy about the school. There was something inside him that made him want to be friendly, want to try out friendship, that thing denied to him for most of his life. Really, he had no idea how to deal with people in any sort of social context, but these people were so nice that he wanted to attempt it, at least. He was just wondering whether it would be very odd if he tried being nice as he climbed the stairs to his floor, when he saw Heechul sitting on the stairs, his head in his hands.
Hankyung neared slowly, worried that Heechul would snap at him, but Heechul didn't even look up. His hand hovered over his head before withdrawing, still too scared to touch a living thing even with his gloved hands, and he cleared his throat and said, hesitatingly, "Heechul-shi?"
Heechul was still for a moment or two, then he said; "What do you want?"
"Are you okay?" Hankyung was aware that it was a stupid question, and waited for some sort of stinging retaliation, but Heechul just laughed softly and bitterly.
"Of course I'm fine," he said. "I just couldn't even make it to my own bedroom without collapsing from pain."
"Eeteuk said that you could have killed yourself fixing that door," said Hankyung. "I think you need to lie down."
"Oh my god, you idiot," said Heechul, and he still hadn't lifted his head from his hands. "What do you think I'm trying to do?"
"Do you want some help?" Hankyung asked.
"What are you going to do?" Heechul sounded scornful. "You're too scared to touch anyone."
Hankyung hunkered down next to him. "There are -- reasons, for that," he said.
"Yeah, but you won't tell us--" Heechul broke off suddenly as his body suddenly tensed and he gasped with pain, and Hankyung reached out, withdrew again, and then took hold of Heechul's wrist.
"Come on," he said, and Heechul finally looked up at him in shock. Hankyung had to admit that he looked terrible, eyes dull, shadows underneath dark. Hankyung stood up and pulled Heechul with him. "I'll take you back."
Hankyung ignored any noise that Heechul made as he pulled him down the corridor, only pausing whenever Heechul stumbled to let him catch up. With every stumble, Hankyung slowed; it was apparent that Heechul was honestly stumbling through pain only, as each stumble was preceded by some sort of curse. It didn't take long, however, before Hankyung was pushing open the door to the room that Heechul shared with Sungmin. Heechul, by this point, had a hand over his eyes to block the light out, and so Hankyung directed him to the bed before saying awkwardly, "Do you -- are you okay sleeping in those clothes?"
Heechul lay down, still wearing a pair of jeans. "I'll be fine," he said, voice quite faint. "Sungmin can help me later."
"Oh, okay," said Hankyung, stood there awkwardly, and then left the room quickly. Then he stood, back against Heechul's door, staring at his hands. He was beginning to wonder if any of his promises he had made to himself before he came here were ever going to stay secure.
At four, the bells rang outside, and as the teacher packed up her things, Hankyung followed suit. The others, however, left their things where they were, and Heechul came over to where Hankyung was sitting, leaning over with his elbows on the table. "Don't bother," he said, motioning to his bag. "We have control lessons straight after normal lessons, we don't have time to go back to the dorms."
"Control lessons?" Hankyung looked around the classroom nervously. "I thought we'd be getting taught separately."
"Separately?"
"One at a time."
"Yehsung might be able to stop time," said Heechul. "But that doesn't mean there's enough time in the day to teach every student here separately." He straightened up, eyes only half focused on Hankyung. "You're not the only student here, you know," he said. "You can't be so selfish," and then he turned and left the room. Hankyung stared after him. Clearly no one else had heard what he had said, because when Eeteuk came over, he was smiling.
"We have to go down to the training hall now," he said. "Come on, I'll show you the way."
Hankyung followed Eeteuk down to a large hall with wooden flooring at the back end of the school. A female teacher stood in the middle of it, and a couple of people from the class were already there: apparently they had been set on their task before Hankyung had come in. Heechul was talking to her as they entered, and as they neared he nodded and went to a table over by the side which contained a multitude of objects, ranging in size from a football to a pile of dirt. Hankyung watched covertly as Heechul easily levitated the football, and only seemed to gain some trouble when he got down to trying to make the ping pong ball move in a perfectly straight line.
"Professor, this is Hankyung," said Eeteuk, motioning towards him. The teacher nodded.
"Thanks for bringing him down," she said. "Eeteuk, would you mind setting the others on their tasks so I can talk to Hankyung-shi? There's not much more you can do until your bones strengthen."
"Of course," said Eeteuk, and the teacher handed over her clipboard, before leading Hankyung to two chairs in the corner. She sat down on one, and motioned for him to sit. As he did so, he saw Kangin out of the corner of his eye suddenly change into a bear: if he hadn't seen him do it, he probably would have been scared out of his wits at the sight of a bear in the training hall.
"So, Hankyung-shi," said the teacher. "I'm Professor Lee, I teach the control lessons here at Soo Man. Before we start, I'd just like you to tell me a little about your powers." She saw the way Hankyung looked at her, uncertain, but she just smiled. "I've heard about it from other teachers, but I'd like to hear about it in your own words."
"I don't know how to describe it," said Hankyung. "I touch things and they die, there's -- nothing more to it."
"Hmmm." Professor Lee looked at him carefully. "What can you feel, when you touch things?" Hankyung wasn't certain what she meant; it clearly showed on his face, so she elaborated. "Is there a sense or a force in your fingers when you do it? Something that you physically do?"
"Are you asking if I kill things on purpose?" Hankyung asked sharply.
"No," said Professor Lee, like she hadn't noticed his tone. "But sometimes powers like this are something that we physically do, but we aren't aware that we're doing it."
"I don't feel anything," said Hankyung, in defeat. "It's just something that happens. It doesn't hurt, or tingle, or anything, I feel perfectly normal. It's just that -- things die."
"Hmm." The teacher was still regarding him. "When did it start?"
"I'm -- not entirely sure," Hankyung said. "When I was five, maybe?" The teacher raised an eyebrow; Hankyung didn't know whether it was a good thing or not. "I remember that I -- if there were insects in my room, if I managed to touch them, they would die."
"So it wasn't people to begin with?"
"No," said Hankyung. "It was plants and insects, and then -- I touched a rabbit at a petting zoo and it died. And I realised that something wasn't right."
"Strange," said his teacher. "And so it has just developed as you grew? When did you first realise that it affected humans?"
"I never tested it," said Hankyung faintly. "I just -- somehow I just knew. When I was twelve, something changed, and I just became aware of how dangerous I was. With puberty came this awareness. I stopped going to school then, and -- my parents were happy to home-school me, they were afraid of my power. They never wanted to talk about it. And then, slowly, I just -- I stopped going out."
He blinked; he hadn't expected to say that much, or tell anyone at all in Korea about his past. Seeing the expression on his face, Professor Lee laughed. "I'm sorry, I should have warned you. One of my powers is the ability to pull the truth from people without them being aware of it."
Hankyung felt like he should have been angry at her for tricking him like that, but somehow it had felt nice to finally tell someone about some of his past. "One of your powers?" he asked.
"I have the ability to heal," she said. "It makes me perfect for this job, because there are often mishaps in control sessions and I --"
She broke off, as something to their side smashed, the noise echoing around the hall. Hankyung's head shot around, trying to work out where the noise had come from, when he spotted Heechul sitting on the floor, head in his hands, whatever he had been trying to lift in pieces on the floor around him; it looked like it was glass. Professor Lee jumped to her feet and began to move over to him, but Kangin was already there, changing in motion from a tiger to his human form. Eeteuk seemed to shout something at him. Apparently Kangin wasn't allowed to change on the move, but Kangin didn't seem to notice that Eeteuk was angry at him this time, too busy helping Heechul up. "Come on," he was saying, when Hankyung stood up to see what had happened. "You need to rest for a bit."
Heechul slapped his hands away, but still looked unsteady. "I'm fine," he said. "God."
"You are clearly not fine," said Kangin, a little angrily. "Hyung, don't be so stupid, okay, just come and at least sit down."
"Heechul-shi?" Professor Lee was looking at him thoughtfully. "What happened?"
"Nothing happened," said Heechul. "I'm fine, seriously."
"Here," said Professor Lee, and took Heechul's hands and turned him towards her. Heechul submitted to it with a sigh, staring somewhere above her head as she placed both hands on the side of his head and closed her eyes. There was a moment where nothing seemed to happen, and then Heechul cried out and Professor Lee wrenched herself away from him, holding her own head. "Fine," she said loudly. "Heechul-shi, go lie down in the dorms."
Heechul looked like he wanted to argue, but there were suddenly dark shadows under his eyes, and he kept one hand to his head, palm pressed to his forehead. Kangin went with him, looking as though he wanted to support him, but not quite daring to touch him. Professor Lee sighed and closed her eyes; a pause later, she was smiling at Hankyung. Hankyung was looking at the door, a little confused.
"What happened?" he asked.
Professor Lee shrugged, looking strangely cheerful again. "I couldn't help him," she said. Hankyung frowned.
"I thought you could heal," he said.
"His telekinesis means that it rejects anything that tries to probe further than the elementary surface layers of the mind," she said. "His headache was brought about by his power, it runs deeper than a normal headache, and so I could not help him."
Hankyung was left thinking that mutants powers were infinitely more complex than his own had made him believe. His power was straightforward, easily discussed: he touched things and they died. He felt nothing, had no pain, but was that true of everyone?
"What caused Heechul to collapse?" he asked Eeteuk, as they walked back over to the dorms after getting their stuff from the classroom. Eeteuk sighed heavily.
"He pushes himself too hard," he said. "He might joke around with his powers, and use them for trivial stuff, but it's because he wants to be adept at that stuff, so it takes less thought to do so. He wants to have control over his powers, but he takes it too far, it's just what he's like. Concentrating on things so hard, it becomes too much for him, and he gets terrible, terrible headaches. Think of the worst migraine you've ever had, and it doesn't compare." He frowned, and said thoughtfully; "Though it does seem strange that the rather simple tasks he had to complete in control today caused such a bad headache."
Hankyung was silent for a moment, and then asked; "Does it hurt for you?"
"It did, once," said Eeteuk, with the simplicity of someone who had just accepted that that was what power meant. "I was twelve when my powers emerged, and my bones began to turn hollow as my wings grew; the pain was unbelievable. My wings grew fast, and the mutation was complete by the time I was thirteen, but the pain remained for another year. I lost a year of my life while drugged up on painkillers to numb the pain. It wasn't until I met Professor Lee that I was able to live through the pain; it became more of a dull ache due to her power. But it's fine now."
"But your bones still aren't complete?"
"They're hollow, more or less, but still fragile. Think of it like brittle bone disease. It will take another year or so before my mutation is complete."
That threw up something that Hankyung had never thought about. "So -- my power, my mutation might not be complete?"
"Possibly," said Eeteuk. "But I know very little about your power. Mine has gone on for very long time, whereas Kyuhyun's is practically complete. It depends from person to person. Control can come as a result of the mutation, like Kyuhyun, who has senior level control despite being a first year, or it must be learnt, like with Siwon. Like with most people, in fact."
"I will have to learn," said Hankyung quietly.
"Well, it's not easy," said Eeteuk. "But most people can get it."
"I will have to learn," repeated Hankyung, his determination flaring up inside of him. He had to learn to control his power if he was ever to face his family again. Eeteuk looked a little unsure, but by that point they were at the steps leading up to the dormitory building, and Siwon was waiting for them.
"Hyung!" he shouted, on seeing Eeteuk. "What's wrong with Heechul-hyung, he wouldn't say."
"Nothing's wrong, Siwon," said Eeteuk with a slight smile. "He just got another headache."
"I wish he wouldn't," said Siwon quietly. "I wish he wouldn't push himself so hard."
"If anyone could get through to him, it would be you, Siwon," said Eeteuk, slightly heavy in his tone, before he smiled. "Where is Heechul?"
"He's asleep," said Siwon. "I made him sleep."
"Good," said Eeteuk. "Hopefully it will be gone by the time dinner comes around." He left them at that point in time, turning off down a large hallway that apparently led to his bedroom: as head boy, he did not share a room with anyone. Hankyung and Siwon walked up to the third floor, Siwon still looking worried.
They passed a room where loud shouting was audible; it sounded more like someone was having fun than any fight was occurring, but Siwon looked curious and knocked and opened the door. Sungmin, Eunhyuk and Donghae looked at him; it was apparently Donghae and Eunhyuk's room. "Hey Siwon," said Donghae easily.
"What are you doing?" Siwon asked, taking a step into the room. Hankyung hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
"Discussing what happened in control today," said Donghae, with a grin at Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk glared back at him, only half-joking.
"What happened?" Siwon sat down on the bed next to Sungmin, and Hankyung briefly entertained thoughts about returning to his bedroom alone, but Donghae smiled and Eunhyuk motioned for him to come in, so he did so, but he did not sit down.
"So Professor Lee set us off," said Donghae. "And she had me running up and down the hall, going as fast as I could, and I was trying to stop in shorter distances while going the same speed, which is so hard, because it's like a car, you can pump on the brakes all you want but it won't brake in a shorter distance, and I just think--"
"Donghae," said Sungmin, slightly amused. "You're getting off-topic."
"Oh, right," said Donghae, not in the least embarrassed or sheepish. "So I was doing that, and Sungmin had to teleport onto a smaller surface than he had tried before, something about being precise, and Professor Lee was with Eunhyuk, making him put his hand through thicker and thicker surfaces."
"And so he got bored." Sungmin had picked up the story. "And because he's got that epic crush and all, he decided to show off. He told her that he could put his hand through bricks easily without even thinking about it. She didn't even blink an eyelid, she just told him to go try walking through the wall out of the hall. Eunhyuk, being so sure of himself, didn't think about what he was doing, and got stuck halfway through."
"So everyone stopped what they were doing, because Eunhyuk was panicking so much that he couldn't work out how to get himself out." Donghae was grinning widely at the thought. "And Professor Lee just stood there telling him that perhaps they should stick to the easier, more boring stuff before getting totally ridiculous."
"I love her," said Sungmin with a grin. "Well, I would, if I was, you know." Hankyung didn't, but no further explanation was forthcoming.
"It's the pelvis," said Eunhyuk, slightly sullen. "I always get stuck, it's because there's more mass there." There was a pause, and then Sungmin collapsed into laughter.
"Oh my god, it's like that English lesson all over again," he gasped. "'I'm long,' what a show-off!" Eunhyuk glared at him for a moment and then seemed to see the funny side and started to laugh too and before long Donghae had joined in. Siwon was smiling slightly until Sungmin fell against his side, and then straightened up, suddenly sober and rubbing at his shoulder.
"Wow, Siwon," he said. "It's like falling against a marble statue. Why so tense?"
"Am I?" Siwon blinked at him, and looked slightly sheepish. "I guess I'm still worried about Heechul-hyung."
"He's fine," said Sungmin. "He yelled at me as I was leaving, so I think he's perfectly alright." Then, as Siwon looked unsure, he asked; "How did your control lesson go this morning?"
"I broke everything I was supposed to bend," said Siwon, downcast. "And then I broke a chair in the classroom."
The others laughed, and even Hankyung thought it sounded amusing though he didn't smile: he had spent his own control lesson just talking through his power and didn't feel like he had managed anything concrete, anything actually helpful. Sungmin lay a hand on Siwon's shoulder, smiling at him. "Don't worry," he said. "You know how random my teleportations were when I first came here. You'll achieve control, just wait and see."
Siwon looked back at him and for a moment Hankyung thought he saw something flicker across his face -- and he knew he wasn't the only one, because Eunhyuk and Donghae grinned at each other, although Sungmin didn't seem to notice -- and then Siwon smiled back. "Thanks, hyung," he said.
"Come on," said Sungmin, jumping to his feet and moving over to the doorway. "We should probably go see how Heechul is getting on. It's been over an hour since he went to sleep, he's usually fine by now, and it's getting close to dinner."
"Yeah," said Siwon eagerly, and he too got to his feet and went to leave. Hankyung followed him, not saying a word, and missed the way Eunhyuk rolled his eyes, grinning, at Donghae behind him.
Sungmin knocked lightly on his bedroom door, and on there being no answer, slowly opened it: Heechul was stirring in his bed, blonde hair just visible above a bundle of blankets. Sungmin stepped inside. "Hyung?" he said softly.
Heechul groaned and sat up slowly, running one hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. He opened one eye and half-squinted at Sungmin. "What?" he asked.
"It's almost dinner time," said Sungmin, who apparently had decided that any danger posed had already passed, because now he was pulling a drawer next to the other bed open, and pulling a mobile telephone out. He sat down on his bed and flicked it open, looking through his messages.
Heechul sat up straighter, stretched a little, and then noticed Siwon and Hankyung. "What is this?" he asked, frowning a little. "View the freak?"
"Hyung, you're not a freak," said Siwon, a little confused. Heechul looked up at the ceiling in despair, and then shook his head. "How's your head?" Siwon asked, coming to sit on the bed next to him, very carefully and slowly, so as to stop it from breaking.
"It's fine," said Heechul, but even Hankyung had realised that Heechul claimed to be fine when he quite clearly wasn't: 'fine' could mean anything. Siwon apparently realised this too, because he just looked at Heechul until he sighed and snapped; "Okay, so it still hurts a little. I'm just hungry, that's all."
A bell went off outside in the corridor, signalling dinner. Sungmin looked up from his phone. "Are you even dressed?" he asked Heechul, who just gave him a Look. Sungmin laughed, and stood up. "I'll leave you to it," he said. "I'll meet you down at dinner, okay?"
"Fine," said Heechul and swung his legs out of bed, standing up and stretching, wearing only a pair of bright pink pyjama bottoms, body stick thin, blonde tips of his hair just brushing his shoulders. Hankyung was suddenly struck by how attractive Heechul was, had to stop himself from staring at his sharply defined hip bones, and for that reason, he chose to walk with Sungmin down to dinner rather than wait for Heechul to get dressed, like Siwon. Being civil was one thing: it was quite another to think Heechul attractive.
When they got to the dining hall, it was to see Ryeowook sitting with his hands in a bowl of ice, looking thoroughly miserable, although Yehsung seemed to be attempting to cheer him up. As they got to the table, they could see thatRyeowook's hands were burnt, skin pink and sore looking. "Oh my god, what happened to you?" Sungmin asked, rushing over to him.
"I set fire to my bedspread and burnt my hands putting it out," said Ryeowook dully.
"Idiot panicked and tried to put it out with his bare hands, instead of throwing some water over it," said Yehsung.
"That looks so painful," said Sungmin. "Are your hands going to be okay?"
"Luckily we got them in ice pretty quickly," said Yehsung. "The burnt skin has already dropped off, it's just the new skin coming through that's causing some pain now."
"How can it happen so quickly?" Hankyung asked. Yehsung looked at him with some surprise at his talking, but Hankyung didn't blame him.
"So long as I control the fire, it doesn't burn me," said Ryeowook. "As soon as it's outside of my control, I'm as vulnerable as any other person, except I heal much quicker from burns than any normal person."
"Ice helps it along," said Yehsung. "He should be fine by the time he goes to sleep. If we hadn't got the ice, he'd have had a rather uncomfortable night." He grinned at Ryeowook a little. "Bit of a mad rush, mind. He came into my room in tears and I had to take him down to the kitchens before it got too late."
"Kitchens?" Sungmin looked confused. "Wasn't Kyuhyun there to help?"
Yehsung and Ryeowook looked at each other, and then Yehsung said, too casually, "I think Kyuhyun was with Zhou Mi."
"Oh," said Sungmin, and Hankyung would have had to have been blind and deaf to not notice what was going on. The problem was, the more he tried to stop himself, the more interested he was in the lives of the people around him. He had started out convinced he was going to say nothing, and had ended up in civility. Now he was finding it increasingly difficult to stay there, because once he had stopped trying to push them away, he found that he did actually like these people.
Slowly the hall filled up with people, until most people had appeared at the table. Kibum came in when everyone else apart from Heechul and Siwon were there, a book in his hands. Donghae shouted him over, and then said, reproachfully, as Kibum sat down next to him, "I was looking for you earlier."
"I was in my room," said Kibum absently, helping himself to something to eat.
Donghae frowned. "I looked in there," he said.
"I know," said Kibum, and looked up and grinned in such an amused way that Hankyung smiled a little; it went unnoticed, because everyone was watching Donghae to see what his reaction was.
"Sometimes, I hate you," he said. Kibum laughed lowly, and Donghae nudged his shoulder with his own. "No, seriously. You can't just turn yourself invisible every time someone wants to talk to you."
"I had some homework to finish," said Kibum. "I knew you wouldn't let me finish it if I was visible."
"I wanted to tell you about Eunhyuk," said Donghae, and Eunhyuk threw his chopsticks at him, as Sungmin and Shindong laughed. Then there was a brief disturbance as Heechul and Siwon appeared. Everyone seemed to want to know how Heechul was, which seemed to just piss him off.
"I'm fine," he said, sitting down heavily on the bench. "God. Stop staring at me, idiots."
"You're bitching, you must be better," said Yehsung, who seemed to take levels of Heechul's happiness based on how vocal he was, much like everyone else seemed to do, because they all just left Heechul to it and turned back to their meals. Siwon seemed to try to help Heechul with whatever he was doing, until Heechul snapped at him angrily.
"God, Siwon, I can do it myself," he said, and there were a few raised eyebrows in his direction. That wasn't bitchiness. Heechul sighed heavily, and put down his fork. "Sorry, Siwon," he said quietly. "I'm going back up to the room, okay?"
"I'll come with you," said Sungmin, but Heechul shook his head.
"No," he said. "I want to go by myself."
Heechul stood up and walked out of the hall, everyone looking after him with worried expressions on their faces. "He's never usually this bad," said Eeteuk with a frown.
"Yesterday he fixed a door," said Siwon quietly. "He's still feeling the effects of that, I think."
"He fixed a door?" Eeteuk seemed incredulous. "Well yes, he's still going to be feeling that! He could have killed himself concentrating that hard. Why on Earth would he do that?"
"I was worried I'd get into trouble," said Siwon. "I broke it, you see."
"Siwon, you're not going to get into trouble," said Eeteuk patiently. "The teachers don't mind, they're used to dealing with this sort of stuff."
"But what if they think I'm not trying hard enough?"
"We know you're trying hard enough," said Eeteuk.
"Well, what about me?" Ryeowook held both his hands up. They had healed enough for him to take his hands out of the ice to eat, but they still looked rather sore. Yehsung sighed.
"Look," he said. "We still struggle, and we're third years. The teachers aren't expecting you to be perfect."
"I told you about what Eunhyuk did today, right?" Donghae nudged Eunhyuk in the side. "Professor Lee wasn't angry at him, it's all a learning curve. Or something."
Hankyung slowly pushed his chair back and stood up, saying quietly; "I'm going back up to the room."
Siwon frowned. "Why?"
"I'm tired," said Hankyung. "I'm--"
"You're not used to being around people?" Siwon nodded cheerfully. Hankyung blinked at him, a little unsure as to how he had worked that out. "It's fine, I'll be up later."
Hankyung nodded back, and turned and left the hall, walking slowly back up to his bedroom, thinking carefully. He had only been here for two days and yet he was already having to rethink his entire philosophy about the school. There was something inside him that made him want to be friendly, want to try out friendship, that thing denied to him for most of his life. Really, he had no idea how to deal with people in any sort of social context, but these people were so nice that he wanted to attempt it, at least. He was just wondering whether it would be very odd if he tried being nice as he climbed the stairs to his floor, when he saw Heechul sitting on the stairs, his head in his hands.
Hankyung neared slowly, worried that Heechul would snap at him, but Heechul didn't even look up. His hand hovered over his head before withdrawing, still too scared to touch a living thing even with his gloved hands, and he cleared his throat and said, hesitatingly, "Heechul-shi?"
Heechul was still for a moment or two, then he said; "What do you want?"
"Are you okay?" Hankyung was aware that it was a stupid question, and waited for some sort of stinging retaliation, but Heechul just laughed softly and bitterly.
"Of course I'm fine," he said. "I just couldn't even make it to my own bedroom without collapsing from pain."
"Eeteuk said that you could have killed yourself fixing that door," said Hankyung. "I think you need to lie down."
"Oh my god, you idiot," said Heechul, and he still hadn't lifted his head from his hands. "What do you think I'm trying to do?"
"Do you want some help?" Hankyung asked.
"What are you going to do?" Heechul sounded scornful. "You're too scared to touch anyone."
Hankyung hunkered down next to him. "There are -- reasons, for that," he said.
"Yeah, but you won't tell us--" Heechul broke off suddenly as his body suddenly tensed and he gasped with pain, and Hankyung reached out, withdrew again, and then took hold of Heechul's wrist.
"Come on," he said, and Heechul finally looked up at him in shock. Hankyung had to admit that he looked terrible, eyes dull, shadows underneath dark. Hankyung stood up and pulled Heechul with him. "I'll take you back."
Hankyung ignored any noise that Heechul made as he pulled him down the corridor, only pausing whenever Heechul stumbled to let him catch up. With every stumble, Hankyung slowed; it was apparent that Heechul was honestly stumbling through pain only, as each stumble was preceded by some sort of curse. It didn't take long, however, before Hankyung was pushing open the door to the room that Heechul shared with Sungmin. Heechul, by this point, had a hand over his eyes to block the light out, and so Hankyung directed him to the bed before saying awkwardly, "Do you -- are you okay sleeping in those clothes?"
Heechul lay down, still wearing a pair of jeans. "I'll be fine," he said, voice quite faint. "Sungmin can help me later."
"Oh, okay," said Hankyung, stood there awkwardly, and then left the room quickly. Then he stood, back against Heechul's door, staring at his hands. He was beginning to wonder if any of his promises he had made to himself before he came here were ever going to stay secure.
..................................................
Sungmin seemed very cheerful when he appeared -- quite literally -- at breakfast the next morning. "I heard you helped Heechul to bed last night," he said, without any sort of preamble, sitting down next to Hankyung. He put his chin on his hands, arms supported against the table by his elbows, and grinned at Hankyung, who looked back at him in some shock.
"Wha -- how do you know that?" he asked, stammering a little. Sungmin laughed in a bright, cheerful sort of way.
"So it's true!" he said.
"Wait, what?" Kangin seemed, like all of the others, completely confused.
"Heechul couldn't make it up to the bedroom last night," explained Sungmin. "Hankyung met him on the way there and helped him." He sighed in a melodramatic kind of way. "Oh, it's so romantic."
"No, it wasn't," said Hankyung quickly. "I just, you know. I was there."
"Romantic," insisted Sungmin.
"Is hyung okay?" Siwon looked like he was the only one to be worried about Heechul. "Does his head still hurt?"
"He was already using his powers this morning, so I doubt it," said Sungmin. "Made his bed with his mind and then threw my phone out of the window, I almost didn't catch it."
"Oh, I wish he wouldn't," said Siwon.
"We'll keep an eye on him," said Eeteuk. "Don't worry, Siwon."
Heechul appeared right then, walking with Donghae and Kibum. At first glance, it seemed that Kibum wasn't even paying attention, but then he laughed at something Donghae said, bringing forth a rather pleased smile from Donghae. Heechul rolled his eyes and sat down next to Kangin. He reached forward, took a egg from the bowl in front of him, and then noticed everyone staring.
"What?" he snapped, glaring.
"Hyung, why didn't you tell me that your head was so bad last night?" Siwon asked.
"Oh my god, Siwon," said Sungmin. "That is so not the important part here."
"You told, didn't you?" Heechul was directing his full glare torwards a happily smiling Sungmin. "What a bloody tattletale you are."
"Well, I had to check your story against Hankyung's," said Sungmin. "What if you were lying to make the story better than it really was?"
"You're getting yourself confused with me," said Heechul. "And anyway, all I said was that he helped me to my room, what on earth made that sound like an exciting story?"
"It's--" Sungmin began, but Heechul cut him off with a groan.
"It was not romantic," he said. "Stop saying it was." There was a brief pause, and then Heechul stood up again, glaring at Zhou Mi. "Stop it," he said. "Seasoning, I don't know what you think you know, but you don't know it. Sungmin, the same goes for you." He snatched up a napkin, wrapped his egg and two slices of bacon in it, picked up two slices of toast, and then said; "I'm going to eat somewhere else. Somewhere where I won't be accused of things that are completely untrue."
He turned and stalked from the room. Siwon jumped up and ran after him, shouting that he'd join him. Sungmin and Zhou Mi didn't look in the least bit ashamed of themselves: Sungmin turned to Zhou Mi and said; "So what did you say to him?"
"I think he's a little in denial," said Zhou Mi.
"Oh, he totally is," said Sungmin, and they both turned and grinned at Hankyung, who just blinked back.
Yehsung summed up his feelings completely when he said "I am so confused."
"Don't worry, hyung," said Ryeowook with a sigh. "I'll explain it to you later."
That was all very well and good, but who was going to explain it to Hankyung, who still didn't have a clue later when Heechul appeared at the classroom and gave him such a look of extreme dislike that Hankyung, who had known that Heechul didn't seem to think much of him, was shocked. Then Heechul just walked purposely to his chair and sat down on it. Kangin reached across and handed him another piece of toast from breakfast.
"Figured you'd wanted something more," he said. "Considering you eat like a pig and all that."
"I swear, you'd be my best dongsaeng if you'd just keep your damn mouth closed," said Heechul, but he took the toast and ate it quickly.
"What was that about, this morning?" Kangin asked curiously.
"Nothing," said Heechul. "Don't talk about it, it's all stupid."
He glared at Hankyung one more time before the teacher started lessons. Hankyung stared at the board, unable to work out what had happened. He got that Heechul thought he was a bit of a drama queen and didn't like him for it -- which was slightly hypocritical of him -- and also didn't like him for the way he had been treating Siwon, but he never thought Heechul would come to hate him on such a brief acquaintance, especially after last night. He could understand if he'd just ignored Heechul and gone on his way, but he'd helped Heechul! Clearly, he thought bitterly, his understanding of people was even worse than he'd imagined.
He was beginning to rethink that evaluation, however, when lunchtime swung around. Maybe he'd been so detached from human emotion for so long that he was able to see through people, but he was starting to realise that Sungmin really did not have any chance. There was something between Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi that struck Hankyung as slightly odd. It was even stranger than whatever was betweenYehsung and Ryeowook, but nothing was stranger than whatever was between Siwon and Heechul. With Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, it struck him as something more than friendship, something just less than anything more; with Yehsung and Ryeowook, it was clear they liked each other but nothing was going on; with Siwon and Heechul, Hankyung had no idea.
They seemed to just be friends, but he had never seen someone act more like a boyfriend than Siwon. He followed Heechul around everywhere, seemed constantly poised to comfort him in some way, was always ready to do whatever Heechul said. There was even something like hero worship in the way Siwon looked at Heechul. He seemed to think that Heechul was the greatest person ever to walk the face of the planet, but also seemed willing to recognise Heechul's faults and was attempting to correct them in some way or another. From what Hankyung had been able to see from Heechul, it was beyond shocking that Heechul allowed Siwon as much leeway as he did. It was true that he got annoyed at Siwon, but it was never in the same way as he got annoyed at the others. It took more for him to get annoyed at Siwon, was always willing to apologise to Siwon where he would never with anyone else, and the two barely left each other's side. And yet, there seemed to be no indication of any romance between the two.
Three more days passed without Hankyung knowing what was going on. Three days of trying to settle into a routine that had been set before he had even been around, and three more days of not understanding how his powers worked. It was making him frustrated, and he couldn't help himself, he sunk back into a state of despair, quiet and unwilling to be part of what was going on around him. No one seemed to pay any attention to it, although he could feel that it was forced, like if they thought that if they didn't react, he would stop. He wanted to, but he didn't feel like he could: it had been ingrained into him for too long. Only Heechul showed any sign that he noticed, glaring at him every time he was in the room.
Siwon was quite happily dishing out food for Heechul when Professor Lee walked past the table and spoke quietly to Zhou Mi, bending down so that only he could hear, but judging by the grim expression on Kyuhyun's face, he could hear it too. When Professor Lee straightened up, her face was sad. She walked away, and Eunhyuk sighed. "God, I made such a fool of myself in front of her today as well," he said.
"You always make a fool of yourself," said Sungmin cheerfully. "Hyori knows that." Hankyung glanced at him, a little shocked at the use of the teacher's first name. Sungmin grinned at him. "My family knows her family," he said.
Everyone seemed to have forgotten about Zhou Mi at the end of the table. Kyuhyun was murmuring to him softly when Zhou Mi got to his feet. Everyone turned to look at him; he looked completely broken, and he turned and quickly left the hall. Everyone stared, before Kyuhyun too jumped up and ran after him. Hankyung had yet to see Kyuhyun look so worried or move so fast. There was a pause.
"What was that about?" Eunhyuk seemed completely nonplussed.
"I have no idea," said Eeteuk.
"You don't--" Sungmin looked worried. "You don't think it could be something to do with his sister, do you?"
There was silence as everyone pondered the concept. Hankyung looked around before asking; "What -- is something wrong with her? His sister, I mean."
"She's not very well," said Eeteuk quietly. "There's something wrong with her heart, it's a problem that she's been suffering from for half of her life, since she was fourteen."
Heechul stood up. "I'm going to go see how Seasoning is," he said, and Siwon got up too. Hankyung too stood up. Heechul glared at him. "You can't come," he said.
"I think I could help," Hankyung said.
"You barely even know Seasoning," said Heechul.
"I -- I want to come," said Hankyung.
"God," said Heechul. "Fine, whatever. Come on, Siwon."
Siwon showed signs of wanting to talk to Hankyung as they made their way up to the room that Zhou Mi shared with Henry, but looked like he didn't dare try it when Hankyung was quite clearly not on Heechul's list of favourite people. Hankyung didn't mind. The silence gave him a chance to concentrate his thoughts, work out what he was going to say to Zhou Mi without giving too much away. It was no mean feat.
Heechul knocked on the door loudly and called Zhou Mi's nickname. There was a long pause and then shuffling before the door opened and Kyuhyun stepped through, sighing heavily. "Hey, hyung," he said.
"What's happened?" demanded Heechul.
"It's his sister," said Kyuhyun softly. "They say that apparently, beyond an emergency transplant, there's nothing more they can do for her."
Heechul seemed suddenly stricken by this thought, quickly sober. "How much longer?"
"Weeks," said Kyuhyun. "Two months, at the most."
"Oh my god," whispered Siwon.
"So he--" Kyuhyun broke off to look behind him at the door. "He -- I thought he'd be heartbroken, I know how much he loves his sister, but he seems like he's in shock."
"Shock?" Heechul frowned.
"There's no tears," explained Kyuhyun. "He's upset, obviously, but he's not crying or screaming or doing any of those things I'd expect him to do in this situation."
"Weird," said Heechul. "Well, it's a bit of a weird situation, so he can be forgiven, I suppose."
"Can I talk to him?" Hankyung asked. Kyuhyun looked at him, shocked, and then looked reluctant.
"What -- what could you possibly do?" He seemed a little unwilling to allow anyone else a chance to comfort Zhou Mi, which Hankyung could understand, to some extent.
"I can understand his feelings," says Hankyung softly. "A little."
Kyuhyun looked unsure, but then he sighed and nodded. "Fine," he said. "If you think you can help him, then I suppose I can't stop you."
Hankyung took a deep breath before he entered the bedroom. Zhou Mi looked up as he entered, and like Kyuhyun had said, he was not crying, but he did look completely unlike his usual smiling self. Even after less than a week, Hankyung knew that Zhou Mi smiled constantly and to see him without that was rather worrying. His eyes were dull.
"Hi," said Hankyung softly, coming into the room and closing the door after him. He hesitated before sitting on the bed next to Zhou Mi. His carefully planned words were failing him. When he spoke next, it was in Chinese. "I thought I'd talk to you, if you were willing. I can understand, I think, because -- because my sister died too."
Zhou Mi was silent for a moment or two before he said, "I know. I can -- I can see her. And what happened to her, I can see that in your head."
Hankyung jolted a little in his seat. "You can see that?" he asked, voice a little angry to cover his terror. "How can you--"
"She's too closely tied into your thoughts for me to be able to ignore it," said Zhou Mi. "Ge, you're so terrified at it being found out that the whole incident is practically being shouted at me twenty-four seven."
"I feel -- I never wanted anyone to find out," whispered Hankyung.
"I know," said Zhou Mi. "But ge, we could help you -- no one will judge you, it was an accident, we can--"
"No," said Hankyung. "No, Zhou Mi, I'd rather not talk about it." He motioned around vaguely. "Are you -- I came here to talk about your sister."
Zhou Mi smiled at him sadly. "Like you, I'd rather not talk about it," he said. "She'll be fine, you'll see." Hankyung wasn't sure whether Zhou Mi honestly believed this, or whether he convinced himself to believe it, but he jumped up suddenly, smiling widely, and went to the door. "Hey, Kui Xian," he said. "Want to go get some ice cream?"
Kyuhyun stared at him. "What?" he asked. "I thought you were -- what about your sister?"
"She'll be fine," said Zhou Mi cheerfully, taking hold of Kyuhyun's arm and trying to pull him down the corridor. "You'll see, she's going to be okay."
"You're psychic, not a prophet," was the last thing they heard Kyuhyun say before the two of them went out of ear shot. Heechul immediately rounded on Hankyung, who was probably just as confused as he was.
"What did you say to Seasoning to make him act like that?" he demanded, glaring at Hankyung. Hankyung blinked at him.
"I have no idea," he said. "We didn't even talk about his sister."
"So you just talked about you, is that it?" Heechul seemed to have spent the whole time he had been in Hankyung's presence since he'd arrived glaring at him, Hankyung couldn't help but notice.
"No!" protested Hankyung. "That's not--"
"God, I am so sick of this," snapped Heechul, and turned off down the hallway. Siwon was looking between the two of them worriedly, like he wasn't too sure what was going on.
Hankyung was sick of it too. He understood that Heechul had been annoyed over Siwon, but this was different, this was pure dislike, and it was unwarranted, he felt. "What the hell does that mean?" he shouted at Heechul's back. Heechul turned back, surprise flickering across his face -- Hankyung didn't blame him, he was surprised at himself -- before he rolled his eyes.
"You can't stand to have the attention drawn away from you," said Heechul, a hint of a sneer in his voice, as he stalked forward and came to stand a little in front of Hankyung, arms folded across his chest. "Poor little China boy, whose life has been so tragic that no one else is allowed to have anything miserable happen."
"That's not it at all," said Hankyung, angry. "I don't think--"
"You walk around looking like the whole world is on your shoulders, and you've only been here for five days and I'm already sick of it." Heechul was shouting now. "You act as though being around us is a chore and like we're not worthy of your time because you've went through things that we just can't understand."
"You have no idea," said Hankyung through gritted teeth. "You don't know what--"
"You're right!" Heechul shouted over the top. "I have no idea, because you won't fucking tell us. You're hiding from something, Hankyung, and if you don't let us know what, then we can't help you."
"You can't help me anyway," said Hankyung. "Your powers are nothing like mine."
"Of course not," sneered Heechul. "You're a special snowflake."
"You think your powers are gifts, somehow!" Hankyung motioned to Siwon. "A gift from God. My power is a curse, not a gift, and I hate it."
"My own power is hardly sunshine and daisies," said Heechul condescendingly. "You think I consider it a gift when I get headaches so bad I can't even see? You think Ryeowook gets happy about burning himself? Everyone's power comes with a drawback."
"Yes, but you've never killed someone, have you?" said Hankyung heatedly, and then stopped dead, breathing heavily. He stared in horror at Heechul, unable to believe what he had just said. Heechul had gone very still and was just looking at him carefully.
"Is that what it is?" he asked softly. "Is that the cause of all this?" Hankyung looked down towards the floor. "Who?" asked Heechul. "Who did you kill?"
"I can't -- no." Hankyung looked up again, staring Heechul in the eye. "I'm not going to tell you, no. I don't want people to know, they would just shun me like they've always done."
"If you don't tell us," said Siwon eagerly, "then like hyung said, we can't help you."
"I don't want to be helped," said Hankyung, exasperated. "I don't want you to even be around me, none of you seem to realise that I'm dangerous."
"Let me ask you this," said Heechul, folding his arms again, a scruntinzing look on his face. "This person that you killed: did you mean to do it?"
"No," said Hankyung in horror. "No, of course I didn't, it was an--"
"Accident?" Heechul nodded and then shrugged. "You see? You aren't dangerous."
"I still killed someone," said Hankyung.
"You're running from this," said Heechul. "Is that why you've come to Korea? Were those idiots yesterday actually correct?"
"I'm not on the run from the police," said Hankyung. "I just needed to get away, and I need to learn to control this before I kill someone else." He looked down towards his hands. "I've never taken these off since then."
"They could probably do with a wash," said Heechul. "Well, it's late. I'm going to bed."
Hankyung stared at him. "That's it?" he asked. "I tell you that I've killed someone and you're not even bothered?"
Heechul stared back at him. "Well, there's nothing I can do about it," he said. "And you said it was an accident, I'm not going to live in fear that you sneak into my room at night and kill me." He rolled his eyes. "Losing sleep makes your skin bad, I'm not risking that just because of you." Hankyung was kind of gaping at him. "So I'll be going now," and with that, Heechul turned and walked around the corner to the hallway where his own bedroom was situated. Hankyung turned to stare at Siwon.
"Don't ask me," said Siwon, holding up his hands. "I've known Heechul-hyung for most of my life and even I can't work out what he's thinking sometimes." Then he stopped, his expression changing to nervous. "Is it true, then? Did you really kill someone?"
Hankyung closed his eyes before nodding slowly, letting out a shaky breath. "Yes," he said. "Yes, I -- it was an accident, I never meant to--"
"No," said Siwon, horrified. "No, I know you would never, I'm not saying--"
"How would you know," said Hankyung softly. "I -- I haven't exactly made it easy for you to get to know me."
"I at least knew that you were pushing us away for a reason," said Siwon. "I mean, you're clearly -- affected, by this. Doesn't that prove that you never meant to do it?"
Hankyung held up his hands to show Siwon his gloves. "I was slack with these once," he said. "I will never put people in danger ever again."
"It was an accident, hyung," said Siwon with an uneasy smile. Hankyung shook his head.
"It could have been avoided," he said. That was the one thing that he was certain of. Even when his parents had told him later that it wasn't his fault, that there was no one to blame, Hankyung had known, had been able to see it in their eyes, that they did blame him for taking his gloves off, for leaving the bedroom door open, for not thinking about what he was doing. He'd been careless, and he'd vowed that he would never be careless again. So he slept with his gloves on and he showered with them and he had resigned himself to the prospect of never being able to take them off again, if he was unable to master control.
As he lay in bed that night waiting to fall asleep, he thought about what would happen if he failed control. The terrifying reality was that if that happened, he would never feel confident enough to be around people. Thinking of the people in this school, the ones with their own unique gifts, he knew that he could not trust himself around them, that he couldn't trust himself not to slip up. His best bet was to somehow retreat back into being a recluse if control failed. This was terrifying because his short time here had been more than enough to destroy ten years of being a shut in, and he wasn't sure he would be able to go back to it.
When he and Siwon left their bedroom the next morning for breakfast, it was to find Heechul standing impatiently outside the door. "Here," he said, pushing a book into Hankyung's hands. "Hold this."
Hankyung stared down at the book in his hands and then up at Heechul. "What's this?" he asked, confused.
Heechul had his foot up against the wall and was fastening his shoelace. "It's a book," he said. "What are you, retarded?"
"Why do I have your book?" Hankyung asked, blinking. Heechul glared at him and then motioned to his newly fastened shoelace. Then he snatched the book back off Hankyung and stalked off down the hallway. Hankyung turned to Siwon. "I didn't mean it like that," he said. "What I meant was why didn't he give it to you?"
"I think hyung likes you," said Siwon, a strange smile on his face. Hankyung stared at him.
"What," he said flatly.
"Well, Sungmin-hyung thinks so," said Siwon. Hankyung couldn't help but be amused at that.
"And Sungmin knows everything?" he asked.
Siwon seemed to realise what he said, because he hurriedly said, "They were roommates last year so he does know Heechul-hyung quite well." Then he pushed his shoulders back, as if to instil himself with more confidence. "And I've known hyung since we were just little kids, so I think he does too."
"Oh, so that's it!" said Hankyung. Siwon looked at him curiously, a little taken-aback by his rather loud reaction. "I wondered how you knew each other, you seemed really close."
"We've always lived next door to each other," said Siwon with a slight smile. "His powers developed a long time before mine though, he was lifting things with his mind when he was ten or eleven. He came to this school when he was fourteen, he was one of the first of us to arrive." They were climbing the stairs down to the main hall now, the sounds of happy shouting coming up from the dining hall. "I guess I missed him so much that my own powers surfaced. I came the year later."
"So you were," said Hankyung, and then hesitated. "You -- liked Heechul?"
"No," said Siwon with a laugh. "We've only ever just been good friends." Then he stopped. "Wait," he said, grinning. "Does that mean -- do you like Heechul?"
"No," said Hankyung, slightly exasperated. "No, I was just wondering."
"Because I could help," said Siwon, and Hankyung would have liked him to shut up, because now they were nearing the table for breakfast. "If you wanted me too."
"What does Hankyung want help with?" Shindong looked interested. Hankyung cursed inside, because he'd completely forgotten about Shindong's super hearing. Even Siwon looked a little nervous, possibly because of the Sungmin thing beforehand.
"How much did you hear?" he asked.
"Not much," admitted Shindong. "Just you offering to help Hankyung with something."
"Nothing," muttered Hankyung. "I don't need help with anything."
"Is it a girl?" Sungmin looked very interested. Hankyung laughed a little.
"No," he said. "It's not a girl." And then he stopped, because everyone was staring at him. "What?" he asked, non-plussed.
"You laughed," said Sungmin, sounding unsure.
"We didn't know you could do that," said Yehsung. Heechul actually snickered.
"See?" He grinned at Hankyung, leaning over the table a little. "What a special snowflake."
"Oh, shut up," said Hankyung, unable to deal with it after the conversation he had just had with Siwon. He expected Heechul to snap back, but he just raised an eyebrow, in apparent approval, before turning back to his meal. Hankyung stared at his empty plate for a moment or so before standing up, slowly, palms pressed to the table. "I -- I wanted to say sorry," he said. "For being -- well, for --"
"Be quiet," said Kangin, waving his fork at him, scrambled egg falling off it. "I can't eat with you talking."
"It's fine, Hankyung," said Eeteuk. "Don't worry, we understand."
"Yeah," said Heechul. "Sit down, your face is putting me off my food. Stop being such a girl, seriously."
Hankyung gaped at him. "Are you ever happy?" he asked.
"No," said Heechul. "Now sit the fuck down."
Hankyung did so, hands shaking a little. They had been waiting for it, he knew, but now that he had apologised, they hadn't needed it. He didn't notice Heechul watching him carefully, but Sungmin did. He poked Heechul in the side, grinning a little. Heechul hit him over the head.
"No," he said. Sungmin just grinned wider.
"Wha -- how do you know that?" he asked, stammering a little. Sungmin laughed in a bright, cheerful sort of way.
"So it's true!" he said.
"Wait, what?" Kangin seemed, like all of the others, completely confused.
"Heechul couldn't make it up to the bedroom last night," explained Sungmin. "Hankyung met him on the way there and helped him." He sighed in a melodramatic kind of way. "Oh, it's so romantic."
"No, it wasn't," said Hankyung quickly. "I just, you know. I was there."
"Romantic," insisted Sungmin.
"Is hyung okay?" Siwon looked like he was the only one to be worried about Heechul. "Does his head still hurt?"
"He was already using his powers this morning, so I doubt it," said Sungmin. "Made his bed with his mind and then threw my phone out of the window, I almost didn't catch it."
"Oh, I wish he wouldn't," said Siwon.
"We'll keep an eye on him," said Eeteuk. "Don't worry, Siwon."
Heechul appeared right then, walking with Donghae and Kibum. At first glance, it seemed that Kibum wasn't even paying attention, but then he laughed at something Donghae said, bringing forth a rather pleased smile from Donghae. Heechul rolled his eyes and sat down next to Kangin. He reached forward, took a egg from the bowl in front of him, and then noticed everyone staring.
"What?" he snapped, glaring.
"Hyung, why didn't you tell me that your head was so bad last night?" Siwon asked.
"Oh my god, Siwon," said Sungmin. "That is so not the important part here."
"You told, didn't you?" Heechul was directing his full glare torwards a happily smiling Sungmin. "What a bloody tattletale you are."
"Well, I had to check your story against Hankyung's," said Sungmin. "What if you were lying to make the story better than it really was?"
"You're getting yourself confused with me," said Heechul. "And anyway, all I said was that he helped me to my room, what on earth made that sound like an exciting story?"
"It's--" Sungmin began, but Heechul cut him off with a groan.
"It was not romantic," he said. "Stop saying it was." There was a brief pause, and then Heechul stood up again, glaring at Zhou Mi. "Stop it," he said. "Seasoning, I don't know what you think you know, but you don't know it. Sungmin, the same goes for you." He snatched up a napkin, wrapped his egg and two slices of bacon in it, picked up two slices of toast, and then said; "I'm going to eat somewhere else. Somewhere where I won't be accused of things that are completely untrue."
He turned and stalked from the room. Siwon jumped up and ran after him, shouting that he'd join him. Sungmin and Zhou Mi didn't look in the least bit ashamed of themselves: Sungmin turned to Zhou Mi and said; "So what did you say to him?"
"I think he's a little in denial," said Zhou Mi.
"Oh, he totally is," said Sungmin, and they both turned and grinned at Hankyung, who just blinked back.
Yehsung summed up his feelings completely when he said "I am so confused."
"Don't worry, hyung," said Ryeowook with a sigh. "I'll explain it to you later."
That was all very well and good, but who was going to explain it to Hankyung, who still didn't have a clue later when Heechul appeared at the classroom and gave him such a look of extreme dislike that Hankyung, who had known that Heechul didn't seem to think much of him, was shocked. Then Heechul just walked purposely to his chair and sat down on it. Kangin reached across and handed him another piece of toast from breakfast.
"Figured you'd wanted something more," he said. "Considering you eat like a pig and all that."
"I swear, you'd be my best dongsaeng if you'd just keep your damn mouth closed," said Heechul, but he took the toast and ate it quickly.
"What was that about, this morning?" Kangin asked curiously.
"Nothing," said Heechul. "Don't talk about it, it's all stupid."
He glared at Hankyung one more time before the teacher started lessons. Hankyung stared at the board, unable to work out what had happened. He got that Heechul thought he was a bit of a drama queen and didn't like him for it -- which was slightly hypocritical of him -- and also didn't like him for the way he had been treating Siwon, but he never thought Heechul would come to hate him on such a brief acquaintance, especially after last night. He could understand if he'd just ignored Heechul and gone on his way, but he'd helped Heechul! Clearly, he thought bitterly, his understanding of people was even worse than he'd imagined.
He was beginning to rethink that evaluation, however, when lunchtime swung around. Maybe he'd been so detached from human emotion for so long that he was able to see through people, but he was starting to realise that Sungmin really did not have any chance. There was something between Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi that struck Hankyung as slightly odd. It was even stranger than whatever was betweenYehsung and Ryeowook, but nothing was stranger than whatever was between Siwon and Heechul. With Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, it struck him as something more than friendship, something just less than anything more; with Yehsung and Ryeowook, it was clear they liked each other but nothing was going on; with Siwon and Heechul, Hankyung had no idea.
They seemed to just be friends, but he had never seen someone act more like a boyfriend than Siwon. He followed Heechul around everywhere, seemed constantly poised to comfort him in some way, was always ready to do whatever Heechul said. There was even something like hero worship in the way Siwon looked at Heechul. He seemed to think that Heechul was the greatest person ever to walk the face of the planet, but also seemed willing to recognise Heechul's faults and was attempting to correct them in some way or another. From what Hankyung had been able to see from Heechul, it was beyond shocking that Heechul allowed Siwon as much leeway as he did. It was true that he got annoyed at Siwon, but it was never in the same way as he got annoyed at the others. It took more for him to get annoyed at Siwon, was always willing to apologise to Siwon where he would never with anyone else, and the two barely left each other's side. And yet, there seemed to be no indication of any romance between the two.
Three more days passed without Hankyung knowing what was going on. Three days of trying to settle into a routine that had been set before he had even been around, and three more days of not understanding how his powers worked. It was making him frustrated, and he couldn't help himself, he sunk back into a state of despair, quiet and unwilling to be part of what was going on around him. No one seemed to pay any attention to it, although he could feel that it was forced, like if they thought that if they didn't react, he would stop. He wanted to, but he didn't feel like he could: it had been ingrained into him for too long. Only Heechul showed any sign that he noticed, glaring at him every time he was in the room.
Siwon was quite happily dishing out food for Heechul when Professor Lee walked past the table and spoke quietly to Zhou Mi, bending down so that only he could hear, but judging by the grim expression on Kyuhyun's face, he could hear it too. When Professor Lee straightened up, her face was sad. She walked away, and Eunhyuk sighed. "God, I made such a fool of myself in front of her today as well," he said.
"You always make a fool of yourself," said Sungmin cheerfully. "Hyori knows that." Hankyung glanced at him, a little shocked at the use of the teacher's first name. Sungmin grinned at him. "My family knows her family," he said.
Everyone seemed to have forgotten about Zhou Mi at the end of the table. Kyuhyun was murmuring to him softly when Zhou Mi got to his feet. Everyone turned to look at him; he looked completely broken, and he turned and quickly left the hall. Everyone stared, before Kyuhyun too jumped up and ran after him. Hankyung had yet to see Kyuhyun look so worried or move so fast. There was a pause.
"What was that about?" Eunhyuk seemed completely nonplussed.
"I have no idea," said Eeteuk.
"You don't--" Sungmin looked worried. "You don't think it could be something to do with his sister, do you?"
There was silence as everyone pondered the concept. Hankyung looked around before asking; "What -- is something wrong with her? His sister, I mean."
"She's not very well," said Eeteuk quietly. "There's something wrong with her heart, it's a problem that she's been suffering from for half of her life, since she was fourteen."
Heechul stood up. "I'm going to go see how Seasoning is," he said, and Siwon got up too. Hankyung too stood up. Heechul glared at him. "You can't come," he said.
"I think I could help," Hankyung said.
"You barely even know Seasoning," said Heechul.
"I -- I want to come," said Hankyung.
"God," said Heechul. "Fine, whatever. Come on, Siwon."
Siwon showed signs of wanting to talk to Hankyung as they made their way up to the room that Zhou Mi shared with Henry, but looked like he didn't dare try it when Hankyung was quite clearly not on Heechul's list of favourite people. Hankyung didn't mind. The silence gave him a chance to concentrate his thoughts, work out what he was going to say to Zhou Mi without giving too much away. It was no mean feat.
Heechul knocked on the door loudly and called Zhou Mi's nickname. There was a long pause and then shuffling before the door opened and Kyuhyun stepped through, sighing heavily. "Hey, hyung," he said.
"What's happened?" demanded Heechul.
"It's his sister," said Kyuhyun softly. "They say that apparently, beyond an emergency transplant, there's nothing more they can do for her."
Heechul seemed suddenly stricken by this thought, quickly sober. "How much longer?"
"Weeks," said Kyuhyun. "Two months, at the most."
"Oh my god," whispered Siwon.
"So he--" Kyuhyun broke off to look behind him at the door. "He -- I thought he'd be heartbroken, I know how much he loves his sister, but he seems like he's in shock."
"Shock?" Heechul frowned.
"There's no tears," explained Kyuhyun. "He's upset, obviously, but he's not crying or screaming or doing any of those things I'd expect him to do in this situation."
"Weird," said Heechul. "Well, it's a bit of a weird situation, so he can be forgiven, I suppose."
"Can I talk to him?" Hankyung asked. Kyuhyun looked at him, shocked, and then looked reluctant.
"What -- what could you possibly do?" He seemed a little unwilling to allow anyone else a chance to comfort Zhou Mi, which Hankyung could understand, to some extent.
"I can understand his feelings," says Hankyung softly. "A little."
Kyuhyun looked unsure, but then he sighed and nodded. "Fine," he said. "If you think you can help him, then I suppose I can't stop you."
Hankyung took a deep breath before he entered the bedroom. Zhou Mi looked up as he entered, and like Kyuhyun had said, he was not crying, but he did look completely unlike his usual smiling self. Even after less than a week, Hankyung knew that Zhou Mi smiled constantly and to see him without that was rather worrying. His eyes were dull.
"Hi," said Hankyung softly, coming into the room and closing the door after him. He hesitated before sitting on the bed next to Zhou Mi. His carefully planned words were failing him. When he spoke next, it was in Chinese. "I thought I'd talk to you, if you were willing. I can understand, I think, because -- because my sister died too."
Zhou Mi was silent for a moment or two before he said, "I know. I can -- I can see her. And what happened to her, I can see that in your head."
Hankyung jolted a little in his seat. "You can see that?" he asked, voice a little angry to cover his terror. "How can you--"
"She's too closely tied into your thoughts for me to be able to ignore it," said Zhou Mi. "Ge, you're so terrified at it being found out that the whole incident is practically being shouted at me twenty-four seven."
"I feel -- I never wanted anyone to find out," whispered Hankyung.
"I know," said Zhou Mi. "But ge, we could help you -- no one will judge you, it was an accident, we can--"
"No," said Hankyung. "No, Zhou Mi, I'd rather not talk about it." He motioned around vaguely. "Are you -- I came here to talk about your sister."
Zhou Mi smiled at him sadly. "Like you, I'd rather not talk about it," he said. "She'll be fine, you'll see." Hankyung wasn't sure whether Zhou Mi honestly believed this, or whether he convinced himself to believe it, but he jumped up suddenly, smiling widely, and went to the door. "Hey, Kui Xian," he said. "Want to go get some ice cream?"
Kyuhyun stared at him. "What?" he asked. "I thought you were -- what about your sister?"
"She'll be fine," said Zhou Mi cheerfully, taking hold of Kyuhyun's arm and trying to pull him down the corridor. "You'll see, she's going to be okay."
"You're psychic, not a prophet," was the last thing they heard Kyuhyun say before the two of them went out of ear shot. Heechul immediately rounded on Hankyung, who was probably just as confused as he was.
"What did you say to Seasoning to make him act like that?" he demanded, glaring at Hankyung. Hankyung blinked at him.
"I have no idea," he said. "We didn't even talk about his sister."
"So you just talked about you, is that it?" Heechul seemed to have spent the whole time he had been in Hankyung's presence since he'd arrived glaring at him, Hankyung couldn't help but notice.
"No!" protested Hankyung. "That's not--"
"God, I am so sick of this," snapped Heechul, and turned off down the hallway. Siwon was looking between the two of them worriedly, like he wasn't too sure what was going on.
Hankyung was sick of it too. He understood that Heechul had been annoyed over Siwon, but this was different, this was pure dislike, and it was unwarranted, he felt. "What the hell does that mean?" he shouted at Heechul's back. Heechul turned back, surprise flickering across his face -- Hankyung didn't blame him, he was surprised at himself -- before he rolled his eyes.
"You can't stand to have the attention drawn away from you," said Heechul, a hint of a sneer in his voice, as he stalked forward and came to stand a little in front of Hankyung, arms folded across his chest. "Poor little China boy, whose life has been so tragic that no one else is allowed to have anything miserable happen."
"That's not it at all," said Hankyung, angry. "I don't think--"
"You walk around looking like the whole world is on your shoulders, and you've only been here for five days and I'm already sick of it." Heechul was shouting now. "You act as though being around us is a chore and like we're not worthy of your time because you've went through things that we just can't understand."
"You have no idea," said Hankyung through gritted teeth. "You don't know what--"
"You're right!" Heechul shouted over the top. "I have no idea, because you won't fucking tell us. You're hiding from something, Hankyung, and if you don't let us know what, then we can't help you."
"You can't help me anyway," said Hankyung. "Your powers are nothing like mine."
"Of course not," sneered Heechul. "You're a special snowflake."
"You think your powers are gifts, somehow!" Hankyung motioned to Siwon. "A gift from God. My power is a curse, not a gift, and I hate it."
"My own power is hardly sunshine and daisies," said Heechul condescendingly. "You think I consider it a gift when I get headaches so bad I can't even see? You think Ryeowook gets happy about burning himself? Everyone's power comes with a drawback."
"Yes, but you've never killed someone, have you?" said Hankyung heatedly, and then stopped dead, breathing heavily. He stared in horror at Heechul, unable to believe what he had just said. Heechul had gone very still and was just looking at him carefully.
"Is that what it is?" he asked softly. "Is that the cause of all this?" Hankyung looked down towards the floor. "Who?" asked Heechul. "Who did you kill?"
"I can't -- no." Hankyung looked up again, staring Heechul in the eye. "I'm not going to tell you, no. I don't want people to know, they would just shun me like they've always done."
"If you don't tell us," said Siwon eagerly, "then like hyung said, we can't help you."
"I don't want to be helped," said Hankyung, exasperated. "I don't want you to even be around me, none of you seem to realise that I'm dangerous."
"Let me ask you this," said Heechul, folding his arms again, a scruntinzing look on his face. "This person that you killed: did you mean to do it?"
"No," said Hankyung in horror. "No, of course I didn't, it was an--"
"Accident?" Heechul nodded and then shrugged. "You see? You aren't dangerous."
"I still killed someone," said Hankyung.
"You're running from this," said Heechul. "Is that why you've come to Korea? Were those idiots yesterday actually correct?"
"I'm not on the run from the police," said Hankyung. "I just needed to get away, and I need to learn to control this before I kill someone else." He looked down towards his hands. "I've never taken these off since then."
"They could probably do with a wash," said Heechul. "Well, it's late. I'm going to bed."
Hankyung stared at him. "That's it?" he asked. "I tell you that I've killed someone and you're not even bothered?"
Heechul stared back at him. "Well, there's nothing I can do about it," he said. "And you said it was an accident, I'm not going to live in fear that you sneak into my room at night and kill me." He rolled his eyes. "Losing sleep makes your skin bad, I'm not risking that just because of you." Hankyung was kind of gaping at him. "So I'll be going now," and with that, Heechul turned and walked around the corner to the hallway where his own bedroom was situated. Hankyung turned to stare at Siwon.
"Don't ask me," said Siwon, holding up his hands. "I've known Heechul-hyung for most of my life and even I can't work out what he's thinking sometimes." Then he stopped, his expression changing to nervous. "Is it true, then? Did you really kill someone?"
Hankyung closed his eyes before nodding slowly, letting out a shaky breath. "Yes," he said. "Yes, I -- it was an accident, I never meant to--"
"No," said Siwon, horrified. "No, I know you would never, I'm not saying--"
"How would you know," said Hankyung softly. "I -- I haven't exactly made it easy for you to get to know me."
"I at least knew that you were pushing us away for a reason," said Siwon. "I mean, you're clearly -- affected, by this. Doesn't that prove that you never meant to do it?"
Hankyung held up his hands to show Siwon his gloves. "I was slack with these once," he said. "I will never put people in danger ever again."
"It was an accident, hyung," said Siwon with an uneasy smile. Hankyung shook his head.
"It could have been avoided," he said. That was the one thing that he was certain of. Even when his parents had told him later that it wasn't his fault, that there was no one to blame, Hankyung had known, had been able to see it in their eyes, that they did blame him for taking his gloves off, for leaving the bedroom door open, for not thinking about what he was doing. He'd been careless, and he'd vowed that he would never be careless again. So he slept with his gloves on and he showered with them and he had resigned himself to the prospect of never being able to take them off again, if he was unable to master control.
As he lay in bed that night waiting to fall asleep, he thought about what would happen if he failed control. The terrifying reality was that if that happened, he would never feel confident enough to be around people. Thinking of the people in this school, the ones with their own unique gifts, he knew that he could not trust himself around them, that he couldn't trust himself not to slip up. His best bet was to somehow retreat back into being a recluse if control failed. This was terrifying because his short time here had been more than enough to destroy ten years of being a shut in, and he wasn't sure he would be able to go back to it.
When he and Siwon left their bedroom the next morning for breakfast, it was to find Heechul standing impatiently outside the door. "Here," he said, pushing a book into Hankyung's hands. "Hold this."
Hankyung stared down at the book in his hands and then up at Heechul. "What's this?" he asked, confused.
Heechul had his foot up against the wall and was fastening his shoelace. "It's a book," he said. "What are you, retarded?"
"Why do I have your book?" Hankyung asked, blinking. Heechul glared at him and then motioned to his newly fastened shoelace. Then he snatched the book back off Hankyung and stalked off down the hallway. Hankyung turned to Siwon. "I didn't mean it like that," he said. "What I meant was why didn't he give it to you?"
"I think hyung likes you," said Siwon, a strange smile on his face. Hankyung stared at him.
"What," he said flatly.
"Well, Sungmin-hyung thinks so," said Siwon. Hankyung couldn't help but be amused at that.
"And Sungmin knows everything?" he asked.
Siwon seemed to realise what he said, because he hurriedly said, "They were roommates last year so he does know Heechul-hyung quite well." Then he pushed his shoulders back, as if to instil himself with more confidence. "And I've known hyung since we were just little kids, so I think he does too."
"Oh, so that's it!" said Hankyung. Siwon looked at him curiously, a little taken-aback by his rather loud reaction. "I wondered how you knew each other, you seemed really close."
"We've always lived next door to each other," said Siwon with a slight smile. "His powers developed a long time before mine though, he was lifting things with his mind when he was ten or eleven. He came to this school when he was fourteen, he was one of the first of us to arrive." They were climbing the stairs down to the main hall now, the sounds of happy shouting coming up from the dining hall. "I guess I missed him so much that my own powers surfaced. I came the year later."
"So you were," said Hankyung, and then hesitated. "You -- liked Heechul?"
"No," said Siwon with a laugh. "We've only ever just been good friends." Then he stopped. "Wait," he said, grinning. "Does that mean -- do you like Heechul?"
"No," said Hankyung, slightly exasperated. "No, I was just wondering."
"Because I could help," said Siwon, and Hankyung would have liked him to shut up, because now they were nearing the table for breakfast. "If you wanted me too."
"What does Hankyung want help with?" Shindong looked interested. Hankyung cursed inside, because he'd completely forgotten about Shindong's super hearing. Even Siwon looked a little nervous, possibly because of the Sungmin thing beforehand.
"How much did you hear?" he asked.
"Not much," admitted Shindong. "Just you offering to help Hankyung with something."
"Nothing," muttered Hankyung. "I don't need help with anything."
"Is it a girl?" Sungmin looked very interested. Hankyung laughed a little.
"No," he said. "It's not a girl." And then he stopped, because everyone was staring at him. "What?" he asked, non-plussed.
"You laughed," said Sungmin, sounding unsure.
"We didn't know you could do that," said Yehsung. Heechul actually snickered.
"See?" He grinned at Hankyung, leaning over the table a little. "What a special snowflake."
"Oh, shut up," said Hankyung, unable to deal with it after the conversation he had just had with Siwon. He expected Heechul to snap back, but he just raised an eyebrow, in apparent approval, before turning back to his meal. Hankyung stared at his empty plate for a moment or so before standing up, slowly, palms pressed to the table. "I -- I wanted to say sorry," he said. "For being -- well, for --"
"Be quiet," said Kangin, waving his fork at him, scrambled egg falling off it. "I can't eat with you talking."
"It's fine, Hankyung," said Eeteuk. "Don't worry, we understand."
"Yeah," said Heechul. "Sit down, your face is putting me off my food. Stop being such a girl, seriously."
Hankyung gaped at him. "Are you ever happy?" he asked.
"No," said Heechul. "Now sit the fuck down."
Hankyung did so, hands shaking a little. They had been waiting for it, he knew, but now that he had apologised, they hadn't needed it. He didn't notice Heechul watching him carefully, but Sungmin did. He poked Heechul in the side, grinning a little. Heechul hit him over the head.
"No," he said. Sungmin just grinned wider.
...............................................
They were in one of the common rooms that were dotted about the dorm building, large rooms that could fit around twenty people, filled with sofas and bookcases, with televisions in some, pool tables in others, board games in the rest. They'd all managed to get down early enough to claim a room with a television for themselves, and now most of them were watching a football game, loud arguments breaking out every now and then that Eeteuk had to step in to fix -- Kangin, Eunhyuk, Shindong and Yehsung were supporters of one team, with Donghae and Siwon supporting the other.
Sungmin was sitting by the window, in one of the bay windows, flicking through the text messages on his phone. He laughed every so often at something that someone said, but Hankyung had no idea who he could possibly be texting every five seconds or so. Ryeowook sat in an armchair a little way from him, completely engrossed in a book: every time something happened that made those watching the match shout, which happened every two minutes it seemed, Ryeowook didn't even flinch. Hankyung was rather impressed by his concentration.
Zhou Mi and Henry both appeared to be attempting homework of some sort in the corner, with Kyuhyun's help. Hankyung thought it might be something for a Korean class, because every ten minutes or so, Zhou Mi would groan and bury his head in his arms on the table, and Kyuhyun would laugh and say a Korean letter. Henry looked completely lost, like he'd maybe understand the first two words that Kyuhyun had said but had no idea beyond that. Hankyung kept smiling a little at the sight, all while thanking god that he'd tested out of having to take an extra Korean class.
Kibum and Heechul were sat on a sofa next to one another, both reading, albeit completely different things. Kibum had some sort of a textbook, something about history, and although it looked boring, he seemed interested. Heechul, on the other hand, was looking through a magazine of some sort, his feet curled up underneath him. Hankyung was squinting at it, trying to work out what the name of it was, when Heechul glanced up and noticed him looking.
"What?" he asked, instantly on the defensive.
Hankyung blinked. "I was just wondering what you were reading," he said.
"What's it to you?" Heechul looked at him with something like a challenge in his eyes. Hankyung rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"I was just wondering," he said. "I'm not that bothered."
Thinking that he had won, Heechul lifted his magazine up to show Hankyung the cover. It was some fashion thing that Hankyung didn't recognise the name of. He blinked again. "That's girly," he said.
"Fuck you," snapped Heechul.
"No, I just meant," began Hankyung, and then stopped. "Oh wait, no. Yeah, that is girly."
"Oh my god," said Heechul. "What is wrong with you?"
"I thought you wanted me to be normal," said Hankyung, non-plussed.
"That is not normal," said Heechul. "If you were acting normally, you'd actually be nice to me."
"You're not nice to me," Hankyung pointed out.
"That's different," said Heechul haughtily.
Sungmin suddenly laughed over by the window, and when Heechul and Hankyung looked at him wonderingly, he grinned at them and waved his phone in the air. "Sooyoung agrees, you're in denial."
"Stop telling people wrong information," shrieked Heechul. Hankyung didn't understand.
"It's not wrong," said Sungmin. "Just admit it!"
Heechul didn't: instead, he let go of his magazine, but instead of dropping to the floor, it stayed where it was, before rolling up and beginning to drift lazily over to Sungmin. Sungmin eyed it nervously, before looking at Heechul. "Hyung," he said, and then the magazine hit him on the head. His head jerked forward, and then he glared at Heechul. "Hyung!"
Heechul smirked at him, but instead of stopping, he made the magazine hit Sungmin again. "Hyung, stop it!" Sungmin said loudly, sounding annoyed.
"Stop what?" asked Heechul innocently, holding his hands up as if to prove that he wasn't doing anything. The magazine hit Sungmin again, who jumped to his feet, fists clenched. Eeteuk noticed what was happening.
"Heechul," he said warningly.
The magazine hit Sungmin again.
Sungmin suddenly appeared in front of Heechul, and immediately grabbed hold of Heechul's hair. The magazine hit the floor, as Heechul shrieked in outrage. "GET OFF MY HAIR," he yelled. That was enough to draw the attention of everyone else in the room: Siwon jumped up and then looked like he had no idea what to do. Eeteuk was yelling at them, Heechul was still screeching, and Sungmin just looked amused at the whole thing.
"Cat fight!" Kangin yelled, causing laughter, which seemed to piss Heechul off even more.
"I WILL FUCK YOU UP SO HARD," Heechul yelled. "LET GO," and Sungmin let go of his hair and pouted.
"But you kept hitting me, hyung," he said, innocence in his voice and Heechul snarled at him, patting his hair back into place. It didn't look as though Sungmin had pulled it or anything, but apparently the fact that he'd touched it had been enough for Heechul. "But if you'd just admit that you--"
"Shut the fuck up," said Heechul in a low voice. Sungmin didn't look particularly bothered but fell silent anyway, walking over to where Eunhyuk was sitting and sitting down next to him, asking what was happening on the television. Heechul shot Hankyung a lot of extreme dislike, much like he had done ever since Sungmin had taken up some sort of cause, along with Zhou Mi, and the both of them seemed to be constantly bugging Heechul about it. Whenever they did, Heechul would be pissed off with Hankyung for the rest of the night, even though Hankyung had nothing to do with it, that he could see.
Siwon tried to sit down on the sofa next to Heechul, and then jumped up suddenly, shock written on his face, as someone cursed. Kibum flickered back into sight, looking annoyed. "Sorry," said Siwon sheepishly.
"It was Kibum's own fault," said Heechul. "He should stop doing that. Highly inconvenient."
Kibum glared at him, but didn't retort in any way, as Heechul stuck his tongue out childishly. Kibum was just about to return to his book when Donghae jumped up from where he was sitting on the other side of the room and then was suddenly in front of Kibum. He had misjudged the distance, it appeared, and hadn't tried to stop his speed in time, because instead of coming to a dead stop, he carried forward until he fell onto Kibum, sprawled out over him. "Hyung!" Kibum said loudly, annoyed, as he tried to push Donghae away. Donghae just pulled back, grinning at him, and then kissed him, pushing Kibum's book out of the way.
"Oh my god," said Heechul, picking up a pillow and hitting Donghae on the back of the head. "Do notdo that where I can see it."
Donghae pulled back to blink at him. "What?" he asked, completely confused.
"That," said Heechul. "Kissing him, I do not need to see that."
"Don't be a hater, hyung," said Kibum mildly, and he pushed Donghae off him -- Donghae fell to the floor with a thud -- and picked up his book again. Donghae pouted at him; Kibum ignored him. Donghae clearly realised he wasn't going to get anything else out of Kibum, because he happily turned around, resting his back against Kibum's legs, and continued watching the football match.
Heechul groaned, throwing his head back in frustration. "What?" Siwon asked, suddenly looking worried.
"Nothing," said Heechul. "It's not -- Seasoning! Stop it!"
Kyuhyun hit Zhou Mi over the head. "Stop getting involved in what's going on over there," he said. "You're supposed to be studying."
"Sorry," said Zhou Mi innocently, and dutifully turned his head back to his book.
However, he didn't appear to be paying any attention to it, because after another pause, Heechul said, in a severe tone; "Seasoning, I'm going to tell Kyuhyun that -- that's what I thought. Shut up."
Zhou Mi's face was blazing red; Kyuhyun was looking at him curiously. "Tell me what?" he asked. His voice was almost anticipating, like he thought he knew. Zhou Mi looked up at him, an uneasy smile on his face. Hankyung noticed that Sungmin wasn't listening to a word that Eunhyuk said, but was instead looking over at Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, a mixture of curiousity and despair on his face.
"Nothing," said Zhou Mi. "Just -- just what a good teacher you are."
"Oh," said Kyuhyun, sounding a little disappointed,
"You have no right to say that I have a problem when you're like this, Seasoning," said Heechul triumphantly, and Zhou Mi, face still burning red, stayed silent, burying his head into his book seriously this time. Heechul lay back in his chair, a smug look on his face, and he pulled Siwon down onto the arm. Siwon seemed to fall down, taken unawares, and he landed heavily on the arm; it promptly snapped off. "Oh," said Heechul, looking at Siwon on the floor and then the arm of the couch next to him.
"Hyung!" wailed Siwon, snatching up the arm and holding it to his chest, as if by hiding it from view he could deny that it ever happened. "Hyung, I wasn't ready!"
"Sorry, Siwon," said Heechul, bending down and taking the arm out of Siwon's arms. "Here, come with me, I'll sort it out."
Hankyung watched them carefully as they left, noting the way that Heechul murmured to Siwon, clearly trying to calm him down. There had always been something different in how Heechul treated Siwon, something Hankyung had noticed that very first day, but it was only now that he was becoming closer to everyone that he saw just how different that treatment was. For someone who appeared arrogant and selfish at first glance, Heechul was willing to do an awful lot for Siwon, such as possibly getting himself into trouble, like now.
"He feels guilty," said Kangin, sounding amused.
"He always does when he makes Siwon break things," said Sungmin, grinning.
"He's -- he acts very different around Siwon," said Hankyung thoughtfully, and he missed the eager look Sungmin gave him. "Like he's protective or something."
"He is protective," said Eeteuk. "But only around Siwon, because Siwon is his closest friend."
"It's probably hard to believe," said Donghae, who had slipped up onto the sofa next to Kibum, into the seat that Heechul had vacated. "Because of how he is now. But Siwon was bullied once, because he was really weak and too trusting."
"Bullying didn't exactly help that," said Yehsung with a laugh. "He's still too trusting."
"Heechul looked after Siwon when they were younger," said Eeteuk. "He's always had a forceful personality, though not always the strength to back his claims up. Now that Siwon is able to protect himself, strength wise, Heechul tries to protect him against other things. Siwon, of course, insists on being some sort of bodyguard to Heechul." He smiled wryly.
"You've probably noticed that Siwon is the only one Heechul will apologise to," said Kangin with a grin. "We used to wonder if there was something going on with them, Heechul lets Siwon get away with so much."
"There isn't," said Sungmin, in a tone of great understanding, probably springing from whatever he kept bugging Heechul about.
"No," said Hankyung. "I already asked Siwon about it." He noticed a couple of raised eyebrows in his direction. "What?" he asked, unsure what to make of it.
"Were you worried?" For the first time, Hankyung noticed the eager expression on Sungmin's face. Zhou Mi, too, was looking at him with interest. "Did it annoy you that Heechul was maybe going out with Siwon?"
"No?" Hankyung blinked at him. "I had just been wondering how they knew each other."
"Oh," said Sungmin, slumping back in disappointment, and Zhou Mi pouted before turning back to his book. Hankyung, honestly, had no idea.
Much like he didn't have any idea the next afternoon in control lessons, when Professor Lee put a plant down in front of him cheerfully and said "Here, don't kill this."
"What?" Hankyung stared at her.
"You heard me," said Hyori -- after hearing the others call her by name a few times, Hankyung had taken to thinking of her as so.
"That is easier said that done!" Hankyung stared morosely at the plant. "I don't know how to do that."
"Sure you do," said Hyori, voice bright and happy, and then she turned. "Right, I have to go make sure Yehsung knows what he's doing, after we were stuck in the same position for an hour yesterday while he tried to remember how to start time again. Don't let that plant die."
"Fine!" Hankyung shouted at her. "I just won't touch it!" And then he sat back in his chair and folded his arms.
Professor Lee Hyori was very different to any other teacher in the school, probably because she taught the control lessons. They were casual times, without the formality of normal lessons, and so they were able to get away with a lot more things in them. Hankyung had quickly developed a jokingly antagonistic relationship with the teacher, because she thought that he could do the things that she told him to do, and he knew that he couldn't. He would tell her so, she would laugh or ignore him, and he would act annoyed.
He stared blankly at the plant for five minutes before something hard hit him on the back of the head. He looked behind him, rubbing the sore spot, and found a tennis ball hovering at eye level, which, as he looked at it, flew away and into Heechul's hand. Heechul looked at him, blank in a scornful way, before turning back to whatever he was supposed to be doing. "Fine," said Hankyung out loud. "Fine," and he turned back to the plant.
After checking that no one was around him, no one who could stumble into him and possibly touch his hands, Hankyung removed his glove, quickly this time, as if to get it over with as soon as possible. Then he paused; it was all very well and good trying to not kill the plant, but he didn't know how he was supposed to go about doing that. He let his fingers hover over the leaves, and then he sighed, and tried to remember what Hyori had told him to do.
His lessons for the past two weeks had been spent on trying to work out if there was something that he did, some sort of presence which came out when he touched things with his fingers. Hankyung was certain that there wasn't anything -- he had never felt anything before, so how could there be? Hyori thought that there was, and seemed determined to get it out of him. Sighing, he focused his attention on his fingers, trying to feel something under the skin, as he touched one of the flowers on the plant, highly skeptical.
There was something, he realised, now that he was thinking about it so hard. Something vague, something that he couldn't quite grasp, a feeling rather than anything tangible, and he jerked his hand back with a sudden sharp shock. Only the flower had died in the time that he'd had his fingers on it; the rest of the plant remained intact. He stared at his fingers for a moment or two, then put them on the stem.
He concentrated, hard. He'd always been so terrified of touching things that he'd never allowed himself time to explore his power, had never allowed himself a chance to work out how it worked: he could feel it again, a smoky force behind his the skin of his fingers. Then, so quickly that he couldn't even think about stopping it, it spread out from under his skin, enveloped itself around the plant -- and killed it.
He brought his hand back, staring at the plant unseeingly. The sense which had woken up in him hadn't been enough: he hadn't been able to control it at all. His power worked too fast, three seconds at the most, and although he had been able to feel, for the first time, whatever caused him to kill things, it hadn't been enough to stop it. Lost in his thoughts, he almost missed Eeteuk saying sadly, from behind him; "Oh, it died."
Hankyung turned around eagerly and said "I know, but I think I worked it out."
"What?" Eeteuk looked confused, probably because Hankyung had never been so animated in front of him.
"I think I worked out what happens!" Hankyung jumped and started towards the door. Hyori, standing over Yehsung as he attempted something, noticed his movement.
"Hankyung-shi, where are you going?" she shouted. It caught everyone else's attention.
"I need to find another plant," Hankyung shouted back.
"Sit back down," ordered Hyori. "You'll hurt yourself if you concentrate too hard in one day."
"But I--"
"Sit down."
Hankyung did as she said, annoyed, and it wasn't until he got back to the table that he noticed that he'd left the glove he had taken off behind. It lay on the table. When he noticed it, horror swept over him, and he snatched it up and quickly pulled it back on, cursing under his breath in Chinese. He had been stupid, had forgotten himself: he had promised to never take the gloves off, never to go anywhere without them, and he had failed that in one moment of excitement. Another promise, the only one that had meant the difference between life and possible death, broken because he hadn't thought --
Suddenly, he was struck by the thought that what he did, killing things -- he did have a level of control over it. It was something that he physically did, and then meant --
"Oh god," he whispered, staring blankly at the wall. "I murdered her."
"No," said a voice sharply from beside him. Hyori had come over now, seemingly aware of where his thoughts would take him, as she had taken the seat next to him. She tried to put a hand on his shoulder; he flinched away and she allowed it.
"I always thought it was an accident," said Hankyung quietly, voice raw. "I told myself it was an accident, that I had no control over it, but I -- I can control this, I should have--"
"No," said Hyori again. "You didn't have any control over it, not then. It was an accident, a terrible, horrific accident, and it was not your fault, Hankyung-shi."
"I can't--"
"Stop," ordered Hyori. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't control it then, but now you can." Her voice became softer. "Didn't you say yourself that you couldn't face them until you controlled this?"
He lay on his bed afterwards, staring at the ceiling. He didn't know where Siwon was, he hadn't turned up at the room. The others had gone to one of the television rooms after control lessons, and seemed to recognise that his thoughts preoccupied him, as they hadn't even asked if he wanted to join them. He didn't blame them; he himself knew that he wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine right now. He had been silent ever since their lesson, thinking about what had happened.
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he had never wanted to be able to control his powers, as much as he made a fuss about wanting to. It was such a mess in his mind. To not control would mean being a shut in for life. To be able to control them would mean that he could have controlled them long before, and then his 'accident' could have been avoided. Knowing now that it was something he physically did -- the knowledge made him want to throw up.
Suddenly, the door to his bedroom flew open, and someone walked in, a purpose to their footsteps. "Come on, China boy," said Heechul's voice. "Time to stop being so emo."
"Fuck you," muttered Hankyung, and put his arm over his eyes.
"I heard that," said Heechul, sounding annoyed, and then there was a pause as he apparently settled himself on Siwon's bed. "So?" he asked expectantly. "Are you going to tell me who you killed in China that is making you act like this?"
"No," said Hankyung. "Leave me alone."
"It was obviously something major," said Heechul thoughtfully. "To make you revert like this. I thought you were finally getting better."
"Heechul," said Hankyung, removing his hand and just staring at the ceiling. "I just want to be alone. Please."
"Tough luck," said Heechul. "Look, I have lots of other things I could be doing, much more important than helping you with your demons or whatever they are." Hankyung didn't say anything. "Fine," said Heechul, and Hankyung could almost hear the flounce in his voice. "See if I care."
He was almost at the door when Hankyung said, "I killed my little sister."
Heechul stopped and looked back at him, but Hankyung was staring at the ceiling still, one knee bent and raised. "She was only three," he said. Slowly, and quietly, Heechul went back to Siwon's bed and sat on it, feet tucked underneath him. "She was -- she was my parent's perfect child, the one who seemed normal, the one who didn't kill whatever he touched, at least." Hankyung's voice was hoarse, almost painful with emotion. "And she loved me and I would only come out of my room for her, because she -- she didn't know what I was. She didn't know that I was a freak, that I was dangerous. I was just her brother, and she, she loved me."
He took a long, shuddering breath. "I had a lock on my bedroom door: I would only take my gloves off when I was in my room, with the door firmly locked. One day, I -- I don't know. I forgot to lock it. I took my gloves off. I was listening to music. I had my earphones in, and I couldn't hear her shouting. She was excited about something that had happened at school, she had a -- drawing to show me. She realised the door was unlocked, and she came in, and took hold of my hands."
He could remember it now; a strange sense that something wasn't right, not quite aware of what it felt like to have someone hold his hand. And then, the realisation. Seeing her face, one moment happy and bright, the next, horrifically blank. Pulling his hands away, already aware that it was too late. Seeing her tiny, fragile body crumple to the floor, the drawing she had been so desperate to show him fluttering down beside her: "My Family", his hand, gloved even in a three-year-old's drawing, holding hers.
He had knelt next to her, staring at her, before scrambling up and pulling his gloves back onto his shaking fingers. Then, desperately, aware that he couldn't do anything anyway, he checked for a pulse, felt nothing. That was when the tears started. He bent over the body, sobbing, and then pulled her close towards him, hugging her against his chest. "Xiang," he whispered. "Oh my god, Xiang!"
Then, slowly, he had stood up, cradling her in his arms, as if by keeping her safe now he could atone for what he had done. Then he had gone down the stairs to where his parents were, opened the door to the room where they were sitting watching television and said; "I'm sorry."
His mother had screamed: it was a sound that would stay with him forever, that note of anguish that had seemed to go on forever. Xiang's face was tear streaked and it took him a moment to realise that it was him, that his tears were travelling down his cheeks and dripping down onto her face. His father came forward and snatched her off him, and went through the same routine that Hankyung had done not five minutes earlier, checking for a pulse that was not there.
"I'm sorry," Hankyung had sobbed, as his mother bent over the body, desperately trying to get her youngest child, her only daughter, to wake up, talking to her in a soothing voice, brushing her hair from her face. His father had turned to look at him, face unreadable: disgust, anger, pity, and hatred. "I'm so sorry," Hankyung had whispered, and his father had turned away.
"How was I supposed to face them?" he whispered now, unshed tears making his gaze fuzzy. "How could I kid myself that they'd ever accept me so long as I was a freak of nature, a danger to them? How could they ever forgive me for killing their daughter -- my own sister?" Heechul was silent. "And I told myself that I hadn't done it, that it had been -- that I had no control over it! And now I find out that I did have control over it."
"You didn't," said Heechul. Hankyung didn't look at him, but there was something strange in his voice. "If you weren't aware that you could control it, then you couldn't control it." There was a pause. "And you're not a freak."
Hankyung laughed hollowly. "No matter what you say, that's what we are," he said. "We can never be normal." He held his hands up in front of his eyes. "These gloves remind me of that. It's why I never left that room until I came to this school not two months later. I didn't even go to the funeral."
"I--"
"No," said Hankyung, rolling onto his side to look at the wall, away from Heechul. "I just want to be alone, Heechul."
He closed his eyes as Heechul left the room.
Sungmin was sitting by the window, in one of the bay windows, flicking through the text messages on his phone. He laughed every so often at something that someone said, but Hankyung had no idea who he could possibly be texting every five seconds or so. Ryeowook sat in an armchair a little way from him, completely engrossed in a book: every time something happened that made those watching the match shout, which happened every two minutes it seemed, Ryeowook didn't even flinch. Hankyung was rather impressed by his concentration.
Zhou Mi and Henry both appeared to be attempting homework of some sort in the corner, with Kyuhyun's help. Hankyung thought it might be something for a Korean class, because every ten minutes or so, Zhou Mi would groan and bury his head in his arms on the table, and Kyuhyun would laugh and say a Korean letter. Henry looked completely lost, like he'd maybe understand the first two words that Kyuhyun had said but had no idea beyond that. Hankyung kept smiling a little at the sight, all while thanking god that he'd tested out of having to take an extra Korean class.
Kibum and Heechul were sat on a sofa next to one another, both reading, albeit completely different things. Kibum had some sort of a textbook, something about history, and although it looked boring, he seemed interested. Heechul, on the other hand, was looking through a magazine of some sort, his feet curled up underneath him. Hankyung was squinting at it, trying to work out what the name of it was, when Heechul glanced up and noticed him looking.
"What?" he asked, instantly on the defensive.
Hankyung blinked. "I was just wondering what you were reading," he said.
"What's it to you?" Heechul looked at him with something like a challenge in his eyes. Hankyung rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"I was just wondering," he said. "I'm not that bothered."
Thinking that he had won, Heechul lifted his magazine up to show Hankyung the cover. It was some fashion thing that Hankyung didn't recognise the name of. He blinked again. "That's girly," he said.
"Fuck you," snapped Heechul.
"No, I just meant," began Hankyung, and then stopped. "Oh wait, no. Yeah, that is girly."
"Oh my god," said Heechul. "What is wrong with you?"
"I thought you wanted me to be normal," said Hankyung, non-plussed.
"That is not normal," said Heechul. "If you were acting normally, you'd actually be nice to me."
"You're not nice to me," Hankyung pointed out.
"That's different," said Heechul haughtily.
Sungmin suddenly laughed over by the window, and when Heechul and Hankyung looked at him wonderingly, he grinned at them and waved his phone in the air. "Sooyoung agrees, you're in denial."
"Stop telling people wrong information," shrieked Heechul. Hankyung didn't understand.
"It's not wrong," said Sungmin. "Just admit it!"
Heechul didn't: instead, he let go of his magazine, but instead of dropping to the floor, it stayed where it was, before rolling up and beginning to drift lazily over to Sungmin. Sungmin eyed it nervously, before looking at Heechul. "Hyung," he said, and then the magazine hit him on the head. His head jerked forward, and then he glared at Heechul. "Hyung!"
Heechul smirked at him, but instead of stopping, he made the magazine hit Sungmin again. "Hyung, stop it!" Sungmin said loudly, sounding annoyed.
"Stop what?" asked Heechul innocently, holding his hands up as if to prove that he wasn't doing anything. The magazine hit Sungmin again, who jumped to his feet, fists clenched. Eeteuk noticed what was happening.
"Heechul," he said warningly.
The magazine hit Sungmin again.
Sungmin suddenly appeared in front of Heechul, and immediately grabbed hold of Heechul's hair. The magazine hit the floor, as Heechul shrieked in outrage. "GET OFF MY HAIR," he yelled. That was enough to draw the attention of everyone else in the room: Siwon jumped up and then looked like he had no idea what to do. Eeteuk was yelling at them, Heechul was still screeching, and Sungmin just looked amused at the whole thing.
"Cat fight!" Kangin yelled, causing laughter, which seemed to piss Heechul off even more.
"I WILL FUCK YOU UP SO HARD," Heechul yelled. "LET GO," and Sungmin let go of his hair and pouted.
"But you kept hitting me, hyung," he said, innocence in his voice and Heechul snarled at him, patting his hair back into place. It didn't look as though Sungmin had pulled it or anything, but apparently the fact that he'd touched it had been enough for Heechul. "But if you'd just admit that you--"
"Shut the fuck up," said Heechul in a low voice. Sungmin didn't look particularly bothered but fell silent anyway, walking over to where Eunhyuk was sitting and sitting down next to him, asking what was happening on the television. Heechul shot Hankyung a lot of extreme dislike, much like he had done ever since Sungmin had taken up some sort of cause, along with Zhou Mi, and the both of them seemed to be constantly bugging Heechul about it. Whenever they did, Heechul would be pissed off with Hankyung for the rest of the night, even though Hankyung had nothing to do with it, that he could see.
Siwon tried to sit down on the sofa next to Heechul, and then jumped up suddenly, shock written on his face, as someone cursed. Kibum flickered back into sight, looking annoyed. "Sorry," said Siwon sheepishly.
"It was Kibum's own fault," said Heechul. "He should stop doing that. Highly inconvenient."
Kibum glared at him, but didn't retort in any way, as Heechul stuck his tongue out childishly. Kibum was just about to return to his book when Donghae jumped up from where he was sitting on the other side of the room and then was suddenly in front of Kibum. He had misjudged the distance, it appeared, and hadn't tried to stop his speed in time, because instead of coming to a dead stop, he carried forward until he fell onto Kibum, sprawled out over him. "Hyung!" Kibum said loudly, annoyed, as he tried to push Donghae away. Donghae just pulled back, grinning at him, and then kissed him, pushing Kibum's book out of the way.
"Oh my god," said Heechul, picking up a pillow and hitting Donghae on the back of the head. "Do notdo that where I can see it."
Donghae pulled back to blink at him. "What?" he asked, completely confused.
"That," said Heechul. "Kissing him, I do not need to see that."
"Don't be a hater, hyung," said Kibum mildly, and he pushed Donghae off him -- Donghae fell to the floor with a thud -- and picked up his book again. Donghae pouted at him; Kibum ignored him. Donghae clearly realised he wasn't going to get anything else out of Kibum, because he happily turned around, resting his back against Kibum's legs, and continued watching the football match.
Heechul groaned, throwing his head back in frustration. "What?" Siwon asked, suddenly looking worried.
"Nothing," said Heechul. "It's not -- Seasoning! Stop it!"
Kyuhyun hit Zhou Mi over the head. "Stop getting involved in what's going on over there," he said. "You're supposed to be studying."
"Sorry," said Zhou Mi innocently, and dutifully turned his head back to his book.
However, he didn't appear to be paying any attention to it, because after another pause, Heechul said, in a severe tone; "Seasoning, I'm going to tell Kyuhyun that -- that's what I thought. Shut up."
Zhou Mi's face was blazing red; Kyuhyun was looking at him curiously. "Tell me what?" he asked. His voice was almost anticipating, like he thought he knew. Zhou Mi looked up at him, an uneasy smile on his face. Hankyung noticed that Sungmin wasn't listening to a word that Eunhyuk said, but was instead looking over at Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, a mixture of curiousity and despair on his face.
"Nothing," said Zhou Mi. "Just -- just what a good teacher you are."
"Oh," said Kyuhyun, sounding a little disappointed,
"You have no right to say that I have a problem when you're like this, Seasoning," said Heechul triumphantly, and Zhou Mi, face still burning red, stayed silent, burying his head into his book seriously this time. Heechul lay back in his chair, a smug look on his face, and he pulled Siwon down onto the arm. Siwon seemed to fall down, taken unawares, and he landed heavily on the arm; it promptly snapped off. "Oh," said Heechul, looking at Siwon on the floor and then the arm of the couch next to him.
"Hyung!" wailed Siwon, snatching up the arm and holding it to his chest, as if by hiding it from view he could deny that it ever happened. "Hyung, I wasn't ready!"
"Sorry, Siwon," said Heechul, bending down and taking the arm out of Siwon's arms. "Here, come with me, I'll sort it out."
Hankyung watched them carefully as they left, noting the way that Heechul murmured to Siwon, clearly trying to calm him down. There had always been something different in how Heechul treated Siwon, something Hankyung had noticed that very first day, but it was only now that he was becoming closer to everyone that he saw just how different that treatment was. For someone who appeared arrogant and selfish at first glance, Heechul was willing to do an awful lot for Siwon, such as possibly getting himself into trouble, like now.
"He feels guilty," said Kangin, sounding amused.
"He always does when he makes Siwon break things," said Sungmin, grinning.
"He's -- he acts very different around Siwon," said Hankyung thoughtfully, and he missed the eager look Sungmin gave him. "Like he's protective or something."
"He is protective," said Eeteuk. "But only around Siwon, because Siwon is his closest friend."
"It's probably hard to believe," said Donghae, who had slipped up onto the sofa next to Kibum, into the seat that Heechul had vacated. "Because of how he is now. But Siwon was bullied once, because he was really weak and too trusting."
"Bullying didn't exactly help that," said Yehsung with a laugh. "He's still too trusting."
"Heechul looked after Siwon when they were younger," said Eeteuk. "He's always had a forceful personality, though not always the strength to back his claims up. Now that Siwon is able to protect himself, strength wise, Heechul tries to protect him against other things. Siwon, of course, insists on being some sort of bodyguard to Heechul." He smiled wryly.
"You've probably noticed that Siwon is the only one Heechul will apologise to," said Kangin with a grin. "We used to wonder if there was something going on with them, Heechul lets Siwon get away with so much."
"There isn't," said Sungmin, in a tone of great understanding, probably springing from whatever he kept bugging Heechul about.
"No," said Hankyung. "I already asked Siwon about it." He noticed a couple of raised eyebrows in his direction. "What?" he asked, unsure what to make of it.
"Were you worried?" For the first time, Hankyung noticed the eager expression on Sungmin's face. Zhou Mi, too, was looking at him with interest. "Did it annoy you that Heechul was maybe going out with Siwon?"
"No?" Hankyung blinked at him. "I had just been wondering how they knew each other."
"Oh," said Sungmin, slumping back in disappointment, and Zhou Mi pouted before turning back to his book. Hankyung, honestly, had no idea.
Much like he didn't have any idea the next afternoon in control lessons, when Professor Lee put a plant down in front of him cheerfully and said "Here, don't kill this."
"What?" Hankyung stared at her.
"You heard me," said Hyori -- after hearing the others call her by name a few times, Hankyung had taken to thinking of her as so.
"That is easier said that done!" Hankyung stared morosely at the plant. "I don't know how to do that."
"Sure you do," said Hyori, voice bright and happy, and then she turned. "Right, I have to go make sure Yehsung knows what he's doing, after we were stuck in the same position for an hour yesterday while he tried to remember how to start time again. Don't let that plant die."
"Fine!" Hankyung shouted at her. "I just won't touch it!" And then he sat back in his chair and folded his arms.
Professor Lee Hyori was very different to any other teacher in the school, probably because she taught the control lessons. They were casual times, without the formality of normal lessons, and so they were able to get away with a lot more things in them. Hankyung had quickly developed a jokingly antagonistic relationship with the teacher, because she thought that he could do the things that she told him to do, and he knew that he couldn't. He would tell her so, she would laugh or ignore him, and he would act annoyed.
He stared blankly at the plant for five minutes before something hard hit him on the back of the head. He looked behind him, rubbing the sore spot, and found a tennis ball hovering at eye level, which, as he looked at it, flew away and into Heechul's hand. Heechul looked at him, blank in a scornful way, before turning back to whatever he was supposed to be doing. "Fine," said Hankyung out loud. "Fine," and he turned back to the plant.
After checking that no one was around him, no one who could stumble into him and possibly touch his hands, Hankyung removed his glove, quickly this time, as if to get it over with as soon as possible. Then he paused; it was all very well and good trying to not kill the plant, but he didn't know how he was supposed to go about doing that. He let his fingers hover over the leaves, and then he sighed, and tried to remember what Hyori had told him to do.
His lessons for the past two weeks had been spent on trying to work out if there was something that he did, some sort of presence which came out when he touched things with his fingers. Hankyung was certain that there wasn't anything -- he had never felt anything before, so how could there be? Hyori thought that there was, and seemed determined to get it out of him. Sighing, he focused his attention on his fingers, trying to feel something under the skin, as he touched one of the flowers on the plant, highly skeptical.
There was something, he realised, now that he was thinking about it so hard. Something vague, something that he couldn't quite grasp, a feeling rather than anything tangible, and he jerked his hand back with a sudden sharp shock. Only the flower had died in the time that he'd had his fingers on it; the rest of the plant remained intact. He stared at his fingers for a moment or two, then put them on the stem.
He concentrated, hard. He'd always been so terrified of touching things that he'd never allowed himself time to explore his power, had never allowed himself a chance to work out how it worked: he could feel it again, a smoky force behind his the skin of his fingers. Then, so quickly that he couldn't even think about stopping it, it spread out from under his skin, enveloped itself around the plant -- and killed it.
He brought his hand back, staring at the plant unseeingly. The sense which had woken up in him hadn't been enough: he hadn't been able to control it at all. His power worked too fast, three seconds at the most, and although he had been able to feel, for the first time, whatever caused him to kill things, it hadn't been enough to stop it. Lost in his thoughts, he almost missed Eeteuk saying sadly, from behind him; "Oh, it died."
Hankyung turned around eagerly and said "I know, but I think I worked it out."
"What?" Eeteuk looked confused, probably because Hankyung had never been so animated in front of him.
"I think I worked out what happens!" Hankyung jumped and started towards the door. Hyori, standing over Yehsung as he attempted something, noticed his movement.
"Hankyung-shi, where are you going?" she shouted. It caught everyone else's attention.
"I need to find another plant," Hankyung shouted back.
"Sit back down," ordered Hyori. "You'll hurt yourself if you concentrate too hard in one day."
"But I--"
"Sit down."
Hankyung did as she said, annoyed, and it wasn't until he got back to the table that he noticed that he'd left the glove he had taken off behind. It lay on the table. When he noticed it, horror swept over him, and he snatched it up and quickly pulled it back on, cursing under his breath in Chinese. He had been stupid, had forgotten himself: he had promised to never take the gloves off, never to go anywhere without them, and he had failed that in one moment of excitement. Another promise, the only one that had meant the difference between life and possible death, broken because he hadn't thought --
Suddenly, he was struck by the thought that what he did, killing things -- he did have a level of control over it. It was something that he physically did, and then meant --
"Oh god," he whispered, staring blankly at the wall. "I murdered her."
"No," said a voice sharply from beside him. Hyori had come over now, seemingly aware of where his thoughts would take him, as she had taken the seat next to him. She tried to put a hand on his shoulder; he flinched away and she allowed it.
"I always thought it was an accident," said Hankyung quietly, voice raw. "I told myself it was an accident, that I had no control over it, but I -- I can control this, I should have--"
"No," said Hyori again. "You didn't have any control over it, not then. It was an accident, a terrible, horrific accident, and it was not your fault, Hankyung-shi."
"I can't--"
"Stop," ordered Hyori. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't control it then, but now you can." Her voice became softer. "Didn't you say yourself that you couldn't face them until you controlled this?"
He lay on his bed afterwards, staring at the ceiling. He didn't know where Siwon was, he hadn't turned up at the room. The others had gone to one of the television rooms after control lessons, and seemed to recognise that his thoughts preoccupied him, as they hadn't even asked if he wanted to join them. He didn't blame them; he himself knew that he wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine right now. He had been silent ever since their lesson, thinking about what had happened.
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he had never wanted to be able to control his powers, as much as he made a fuss about wanting to. It was such a mess in his mind. To not control would mean being a shut in for life. To be able to control them would mean that he could have controlled them long before, and then his 'accident' could have been avoided. Knowing now that it was something he physically did -- the knowledge made him want to throw up.
Suddenly, the door to his bedroom flew open, and someone walked in, a purpose to their footsteps. "Come on, China boy," said Heechul's voice. "Time to stop being so emo."
"Fuck you," muttered Hankyung, and put his arm over his eyes.
"I heard that," said Heechul, sounding annoyed, and then there was a pause as he apparently settled himself on Siwon's bed. "So?" he asked expectantly. "Are you going to tell me who you killed in China that is making you act like this?"
"No," said Hankyung. "Leave me alone."
"It was obviously something major," said Heechul thoughtfully. "To make you revert like this. I thought you were finally getting better."
"Heechul," said Hankyung, removing his hand and just staring at the ceiling. "I just want to be alone. Please."
"Tough luck," said Heechul. "Look, I have lots of other things I could be doing, much more important than helping you with your demons or whatever they are." Hankyung didn't say anything. "Fine," said Heechul, and Hankyung could almost hear the flounce in his voice. "See if I care."
He was almost at the door when Hankyung said, "I killed my little sister."
Heechul stopped and looked back at him, but Hankyung was staring at the ceiling still, one knee bent and raised. "She was only three," he said. Slowly, and quietly, Heechul went back to Siwon's bed and sat on it, feet tucked underneath him. "She was -- she was my parent's perfect child, the one who seemed normal, the one who didn't kill whatever he touched, at least." Hankyung's voice was hoarse, almost painful with emotion. "And she loved me and I would only come out of my room for her, because she -- she didn't know what I was. She didn't know that I was a freak, that I was dangerous. I was just her brother, and she, she loved me."
He took a long, shuddering breath. "I had a lock on my bedroom door: I would only take my gloves off when I was in my room, with the door firmly locked. One day, I -- I don't know. I forgot to lock it. I took my gloves off. I was listening to music. I had my earphones in, and I couldn't hear her shouting. She was excited about something that had happened at school, she had a -- drawing to show me. She realised the door was unlocked, and she came in, and took hold of my hands."
He could remember it now; a strange sense that something wasn't right, not quite aware of what it felt like to have someone hold his hand. And then, the realisation. Seeing her face, one moment happy and bright, the next, horrifically blank. Pulling his hands away, already aware that it was too late. Seeing her tiny, fragile body crumple to the floor, the drawing she had been so desperate to show him fluttering down beside her: "My Family", his hand, gloved even in a three-year-old's drawing, holding hers.
He had knelt next to her, staring at her, before scrambling up and pulling his gloves back onto his shaking fingers. Then, desperately, aware that he couldn't do anything anyway, he checked for a pulse, felt nothing. That was when the tears started. He bent over the body, sobbing, and then pulled her close towards him, hugging her against his chest. "Xiang," he whispered. "Oh my god, Xiang!"
Then, slowly, he had stood up, cradling her in his arms, as if by keeping her safe now he could atone for what he had done. Then he had gone down the stairs to where his parents were, opened the door to the room where they were sitting watching television and said; "I'm sorry."
His mother had screamed: it was a sound that would stay with him forever, that note of anguish that had seemed to go on forever. Xiang's face was tear streaked and it took him a moment to realise that it was him, that his tears were travelling down his cheeks and dripping down onto her face. His father came forward and snatched her off him, and went through the same routine that Hankyung had done not five minutes earlier, checking for a pulse that was not there.
"I'm sorry," Hankyung had sobbed, as his mother bent over the body, desperately trying to get her youngest child, her only daughter, to wake up, talking to her in a soothing voice, brushing her hair from her face. His father had turned to look at him, face unreadable: disgust, anger, pity, and hatred. "I'm so sorry," Hankyung had whispered, and his father had turned away.
"How was I supposed to face them?" he whispered now, unshed tears making his gaze fuzzy. "How could I kid myself that they'd ever accept me so long as I was a freak of nature, a danger to them? How could they ever forgive me for killing their daughter -- my own sister?" Heechul was silent. "And I told myself that I hadn't done it, that it had been -- that I had no control over it! And now I find out that I did have control over it."
"You didn't," said Heechul. Hankyung didn't look at him, but there was something strange in his voice. "If you weren't aware that you could control it, then you couldn't control it." There was a pause. "And you're not a freak."
Hankyung laughed hollowly. "No matter what you say, that's what we are," he said. "We can never be normal." He held his hands up in front of his eyes. "These gloves remind me of that. It's why I never left that room until I came to this school not two months later. I didn't even go to the funeral."
"I--"
"No," said Hankyung, rolling onto his side to look at the wall, away from Heechul. "I just want to be alone, Heechul."
He closed his eyes as Heechul left the room.
.................................................
Hankyung had only been sitting down at the table the next morning at breakfast for all of two minutes before Heechul said loudly, "Are you going to be like that forever now, or do I have to hit you?"
Hankyung blinked at him, confused. "Like what?" he asked.
"Like that," said Heechul, and motioned to his face. "All depressed and what not."
"I agree with this question," said Kangin.
"Yeah," said Shindong. "No offence, but it's kind of a dampener."
Hankyung looked around at them all. "Oh," he said. He then looked down at his plate, hands clenched together in his lap. "Sorry."
"You know that we're here if you ever want to talk," said Eeteuk. "You know that, right?"
Hankyung looked up and nodded, avoiding Heechul's eyes. Then he stood up. "Sorry," he repeated. "I -- I'm going to go back to my room, I just --"
"It's fine," said Eeteuk.
It will get better, said Zhou Mi's voice cheerfully, and Hankyung could tell that he honestly believed that, just like he believed his sister would soon get better, although two weeks had passed with no sign of improvement or a transplant. They all seemed to be aware that time was running out for her, apart from Zhou Mi. Hankyung felt annoyance at Zhou Mi for not seeing the truth in front of him, but also envied him his optimistic outlook.
He left the dining hall alone. Kangin paused with his chopsticks in his mouth, looking a little thoughtful. A joke about not hurting himself passed through most of their heads, but went unsaid. "Hey, guys," he said, drawing their attention. "Do you think we should try to find out what Hankyung did in China that made him like this?"
There was a pause, during which Eeteuk opened his mouth to say something, looking disapproving, but Heechul got there before him. "No," he said firmly. "No, you can't."
"I thought you wanted to know the most," cried Yehsung, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation.
"Things change," said Heechul. He seemed reserved somehow; apart from snapping at Hankyung, he had mostly been quiet. Kangin looked carefully at him, and then understood.
"You already know, don't you?" he said, and Heechul looked him in the eye and then nodded, slowly.
"I do," he said. "And -- you'll have to take my word for it, but it explains everything. But I, I owe it to Hankyung to keep it a secret, it's understandable why he doesn't want anyone to know."
"He killed someone, didn't he?" Shindong shrugged as Heechul frowned at him. "It's not hard to work out."
"But it's easy to see that he didn't mean to do it," said Eunhyuk. There was hopeful encouragement in his voice. Heechul stood up.
"I've got to go to the classroom," he said, and he was even avoiding looking at Siwon. "I've got some work to do."
"I'll come with you," said Siwon.
"No," said Heechul. "It's okay, Siwon." He stood up and too left the room, turning left out of the doors rather than right like Hankyung.
There was silence for few moments, until Sungmin said, "Well, what do you think?"
"It's all really weird," said Donghae. "Don't you think?"
"Why would he tell Heechul-hyung and no one else?" asked Siwon.
"Heechul probably just bugged him about it until he confessed," said Yehsung with an uneasy grin.
"I don't think it's as obvious as that," said Eeteuk. "Hankyung never struck me as the type to talk easily; he's been here for two weeks and he's barely spoken about his past at all. Why would he suddenly spill all to Heechul?"
"I have a theory," said Sungmin brightly.
"I agree with this theory," said Zhou Mi with a happy smile.
"They don't like each other," said Kyuhyun.
"They've only know each other two weeks," said Kangin, exasperated.
"So?" Sungmin looked unimpressed with this counter-logic. "That's plenty of time."
"I think Hankyung just had to tell someone," said Ryeowook quietly.
"You're probably right," said Eeteuk sadly.
"I wonder what happened," said Yehsung musingly.
"No doubt we'll find out sooner rather than later," said Eunhyuk.
Hankyung sat on his bed, staring aimlessly out of the window. The bell for lessons had rung over fifteen minutes ago, but no one had yet appeared in the room: Siwon apparently had all he needed. Hankyung knew that he needed to move, knew that at this rate, he would be late, but he couldn't. He didn't feel physically capable of it.
The day before had rocked everything. Like Heechul had said, Hankyung had been getting better. He had still been quiet, still more willing to let others talk around him than talk himself, but he had least been there, had at least been listening. Now, there had been another shift.
This time, he just felt sick. He felt tired. He was tired of the guilty feelings, the nightmares, the constant feel of leather against his fingers. He was sick of it all, of all the things that his power entailed. Sometimes, he wished his powers worked on him: he could just press his fingers to his forehead, and it would all be over.
Slowly, he stood up and left the room, leaving his jacket on the bed, his school bag on the floor. He walked through the dorm building, empty by this point: when he went out the front doors, the final bell rang overhead. It seemed to be a note of finality for him.
Instead of heading over the grounds towards the school, he kept close to the walls of the dorm building, turning the corner and going to the back of the building. From there he continued on, walking down towards the forest that lay at the base of the slope, pushing through the trees until he came out at the lake at the very back of the school grounds. He stood, and then he walked forward and sat down at the edge of the water.
By second lesson, there was a definite sense of unease among his friends. Heechul was staring out of the window, as if by looking hard enough Hankyung would appear: Kangin and Yehsung were doing exactly the same thing with the door. Even Eeteuk kept glancing at the door, a frown on his face; he almost missed the teacher calling on him for an answer. By the time lunch swung around, he was actually feeling quite frantic.
"Quick," he said, the second they were out of the classroom. "Kangin, I give you permission to transform, run to the dorms and see if he's there."
"He's probably just not feeling well," said Kangin, though he didn't seem too certain. Donghae's class suddenly arrived then, and they noticed someone missing from their number immediately.
"Where's Hankyung?" Donghae asked, frowning.
"We have no idea," admitted Yehsung. "He never turned up for lessons."
"Don't worry," said Eeteuk hastily. "We're sure he's fine, we just need to--"
"Want me to teleport to the dorms and see if he's there?" Sungmin offered, interrupting Eeteuk. Eeteuk paused, and then nodded, biting his bottom lip. Sungmin flickered out of view, and then, a minute later, re-appeared, face rather white. "He's not there," he said.
"Right," said Eeteuk, taking control of the situation. "Zhou Mi, can you--?"
Zhou Mi nodded and closed his eyes. While he normally could catch bits and pieces of emotions or thoughts, it took a lot of concentration to be able to tap into what he actually wanted to get. He was so focused on finding Hankyung somehow that he didn't notice when Kyuhyun came up.
"Hey," he said, and then frowned. "What--?"
"Quiet," ordered Eeteuk, putting a finger to his lips. "We're trying to find Hankyung."
"Hyung is missing?" Siwon had caught the last bit when he arrived with Henry and Ryeowook. "What, where could he have gone?"
"That's what we're trying to find out," said Heechul. "Be quiet, Seasoning is thinking."
Zhou Mi opened his eyes then, frowning both in confusion and pain; he put his palm against his forehead. "I can't -- he's quite far away but still in the school grounds, I think. He's deeply unhappy." He paused and looked at Eeteuk, ignoring the hand Kyuhyun put on his shoulder, this striking as odd and significant. "I'm worried, hyung," he said.
"I," said Henry, and then faltered as everyone looked at him. "Black," he tried, his Korean hesitent. "Um, spots. All over."
They understood suddenly: Henry was telling them that Hankyung's aura had black spots all over it. Black, the colour of deep depression. "We have to find him," said Eeteuk desperately.
Hankyung was standing on the edge of the pier when they eventually found him. Heechul, Siwon and Zhou Mi suddenly came through the forest behind him, Siwon holding a large branch that he had apparently snapped off a tree somewhere in his haste. "Hyung!" he shouted, his voice carrying over to Hankyung, who turned to look at him.
"You fucker!" Heechul yelled, almost falling on a rock leading up to the pier and only staying upright because Zhou Mi caught him -- Siwon looked like he wanted to, but stopped himself in case he hurt him. Heechul threw Zhou Mi off. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Hankyung was silent, just staring at them. "Hyung, don't kill yourself!" Siwon shouted.
"I'm not," said Hankyung finally, looking at them like they were crazy. "I'm not, of course I'm not." He took a step back from the edge of the pier. "I was just--"
"Don't lie," said Heechul sharply, standing at the other end of the pier. "Zhou Mi knows what you're thinking, after all."
"I wasn't going to kill myself," said Hankyung. "I was -- it's --" He sighed, heavily. "You don't understand," he said.
"You explained it all to me last night!" Heechul sounded annoyed.
"But I killed her," said Hankyung. "I have to live with that."
"It was a fucking accident!" Heechul was definitely annoyed now: he had both arms folded over his chest. "You couldn't control it, you only have to live with it because you keep blaming yourself."
"I can't--" whispered Hankyung, but Heechul cut across him, possibly not even hearing him.
"Get the fuck over it!" he screamed. "Is killing yourself going to change anything? Is it going to bring her back? No, of course not, you complete idiot. All it's going to do is hurt a lot more people."
"I wasn't going to kill myself," said Hankyung, his eyebrow twitching in anger.
"You were standing at the edge of the water," Heechul pointed out. "And Seasoning said you were thinking of death."
"Well, of course I was," retorted Hankyung. "I was thinking of my sister, wasn't I? Zhou Mi didn't pick up on that."
"I only got a vague idea," admitted Zhou Mi.
"Well, why are you standing all the way out there?" Heechul asked, looking sure of himself. Hankyung blinked at him.
"I was just looking at the water," he said. "It's strange, being among nature. I'm not used to it."
Heechul's facial expression changed immediately; suddenly he looked completely pissed, and something hit Hankyung hard on the back of the head. He almost fell into the water from shock, and turned to see a large branch lying on the floor behind him. "What the hell?" he yelled, rubbing his head. "Stop hitting me with stuff!"
"Stop being such an emo dick!" Heechul yelled back. "I don't have the time to play your babysitter all the time, okay? You're going to make us all late for lessons at this rate. And we haven't eaten yet."
"I don't understand why you all came looking for me," said Hankyung, starting back towards them.
"We were worried about you, hyung," said Siwon. "We didn't know what you would do."
"You've got to think about other people, idiot," said Heechul. "You might have lived a selfish life before but now you have people who actually like you, though god only knows why, they're going to worry." He glared at Hankyung, and once Hankyung had reached him, he actually clenched his fist and punched Hankyung in the jaw. Hankyung staggered back, more from shock than anything else. "Think about it, you idiot," Heechul hissed, then he turned and stalked away.
Are you okay? Zhou Mi asked, sounding worried. Hankyung, with his hand pressed to his jaw, nodded slowly. Then, in silence, he followed them back through the forest, Siwon forcing his way through, Heechul keeping up an annoyed, scornful air. Once through the trees, Sungmin immediately appeared in front of them. "Hey, you're right," he said, and then he disappeared. Hankyung looked at the others like they maybe knew -- Siwon blinked back at him. Zhou Mi smiled a little.
"I told him where we were," he said, and sure enough, a second later, there was a shout and suddenly everyone was running down over the lawn towards him, their faces all mixtures of worry, anger and relief. Eeteuk, on reaching him, practically threw himself at Hankyung, hugging him tightly and patting him on the head for some reason.
"Oh thank god!" he said loudly, almost babbling. "Zhou Mi said you were unhappy and Henry said you were depressed and we were so worried, we didn't know what you'd do!"
"I'm fine," said Hankyung, laughingly exasperated. "Seriously, I just -- I wanted some time to think by myself, I feel fine, I--"
"Liar," said Henry loudly in Korean, looking angry, and then he switched to Chinese. "I can see your aura, you're not fine."
"My aura?" Hankyung blinked at him in confusion. "What's that?"
"Your emotions," said Henry, who did seem very annoyed. "Yours are always really dull and dark, and there are all these grey blotches all over it all the time. I don't like to look at it."
"I don't understand," said Hankyung slowly.
"Henry sees emotions," explained Zhou Mi. "He sees them as a sort of haze around people, different colours representing certain emotions. He can also control the emotions of non-mutants to some extent, he's handy in tricky confrontational situations." Zhou Mi grinned; he found it impossible to be upset or worried about anything for more than ten minutes.
"And mine is--?"
"Black," said Henry with a nod. "Ge, you're like a walking rain cloud."
"Okay," interrupted Heechul. "That's enough Chinese, someone tell me what's going on."
"Black," said Henry in Korean.
"I'm a walking rain cloud, apparently," said Hankyung, nonplussed.
"I'll agree to that," said Heechul.
"Were you--" Ryeowook looked small and rather frightened. "Zhou Mi said that you were -- did you really want to kill yourself?"
"No," said Hankyung, and then sighed. "I've thought about it before though. Everything would be a lot easier if I wasn't around, for my family."
"You're not supposed to make life easy for your family," said Yehsung, sounding like he was trying to bolster the situation up a little -- and knowing that he was failing. "I think I aged my mother by fifteen years since I hit my teens."
"Which is kind of ironic, if you think about it," said Kyuhyun with a grin.
"So?" Eeteuk was looking at him intently. "Are you going to tell us why you've thought about killing yourself? Or why you needed to be alone at the edge of a very deep lake?"
Hankyung was surprised to find that he was squirming a little in embarrassment: it really was like being on the recieving end of an interrogation by a disapproving mother. Eeteuk looked soft and may have been kind of fragile, but he had steel running through his mind, and the more Hankyung tried to avoid looking at him, the more Eeteuk tried to catch his eyes. In the end, Hankyung just sighed. "I still don't want to talk about it," he said.
"But you've told Heechul," Kangin pointed out. Hankyung slid his gaze sideways to give Heechul a Look.
"You told?" he asked, frowning.
"They asked," said Heechul, as if this excused him. "But I never told them what, I just told them that I knew."
Hankyung closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't feel ready for everyone to know," he said. "I might do, at some point, but right now, I just can't."
"We'll wait," said Eeteuk. "I know that some day, you'll trust us enough. We want to be your friends, Hankyung. You need to talk to us, don't go to extreme lengths if it all gets too much for you."
"We all know how hard it is," said Shindong. "Coming to this school is a culture shock in itself, but you've come from a different country on top of that. And then there's whatever makes you so unhappy."
"We're here to help, hyung," said Siwon eagerly.
"T-than--" Hankyung broke off as Kibum suddenly appeared next to Donghae; Hankyung hadn't been aware that he'd even been present. He was corpreal for about five seconds -- Hankyung had never seen him look so happy, or emotional at all -- and then he disappeared again.
"Bugger," he said, and Donghae reached out and took hold of something invisible, presumably Kibum's hand, and seemed to squeeze lightly. "God, this sucks."
"Well, that's the moment ruined," said Heechul.
"What's wrong?" asked Hankyung, confused.
"First years have control first thing in the morning," said Siwon. "Something went wrong and now Kibum keeps flickering in and out, he's got no control over it."
"I like having control over it," said Kibum's voice. "I just know I'm going to reappear at the worst time, like when I'm -- when I'm spying in the girl's bathroom or something." His voice had taken on a mischievious tone.
"Hey!" said Donghae, and made to hit Kibum on the shoulder. Unforunately, because Kibum was invisible, he seemed to miss, and Kibum shouted out.
"Hyung, that was my fucking head," he said, and then there was a brief pause and Donghae's hand fell to his side.
"Kibummie," Donghae wailed, making grabbing movements in the air as if that was going to help him locate someone he couldn't see. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!"
There was no reply from Kibum; they soon found that that was because he'd started on his way back up to the school, as he flickered back into view once near the fountain. Donghae took off after him at a run, normal human speed, but didn't seem to catch up with him before entering the school building, but no one had any idea because Kibum was invisible. The rest started back a lot slower, aware that they were a little late.
They were yelled at when they got back to lessons, Eeteuk and Hankyung in particular because Eeteuk was head boy and "should know better", and Hankyung because he'd missed the morning's lessons. Professor Park, the one who had made Hankyung show his power in that first lesson, seemed unimpressed by Eeteuk's excuse that Hankyung hadn't been feeling well that morning and they'd gone to check on him (which was true, in a manner of speaking). Unlike the casual, obviously fake dislike he displayed towards Hyori, Hankyung honestly didn't like Professor Park, who taught the Korean language class in addition to being their form teacher, and who didn't seem to like him back because he was foreign and therefore didn't have a perfect grasp of the Korean alphabet yet -- he'd learnt the spoken form mostly.
She kept an icy front towards the five of them for the remainder of her lesson -- Heechul stuck his middle finger up at her back when she left -- but Hankyung barely even noticed. He felt strangely on edge, and the feeling stuck to him, brewing in his stomach, until he got to control lessons and realised what it was. It was anticipation of something not good. Hyori.
"How are you?" Hyori asked, fixing him with a steady stare. Hankyung shrugged.
"Fine," he muttered.
"No, he isn't," said Heechul helpfully on his way past. Kangin nodded his agreement. They were on their way to the corner of the hall, where Heechul had to stop Kangin from catching a ball while he transformed into different animals in order to catch it. They were testing to see how fast Heechul's mental reflexes were, and whether only being able to transform into rather large animals hindered Kangin's movement in any way. Hyori, based on their evidence, stared at Hankyung again.
"Are you still hung up after yesterday?" she asked.
"No," said Hankyung, and then, "Yes. I don't know. I feel like I should be hung up on this, to be honest."
"Probably," said Hyori. "I got you another flower. Don't kill it."
"I don't understand you," Hankyung muttered as he sat down in front of a pretty flowering plant, with large yellow buds just starting to open. Half an hour later, when Hyori came over, the plant was pathetically hanging over the side of the pot, dead.
"Ah well," she said. "We'll get it soon."
"It just happens so fast!" said Hankyung, in despair. "It's like smoke or something, but it moves so fast that I can't control it."
"You will do, soon," said Hyori.
Another person Hankyung didn't understand was Heechul, who was back to being friendly with him, but hadn't mentioned the fact that he'd punched him in the face earlier in the day. In fact, Heechul was being downright pleasant. "I don't understand you," Hankyung told him at dinner, causing a slight amount of laughter.
"Good," said Heechul, looking strangely proud of this fact. "You're not supposed to."
"Hyung, you're such a girl," said Kangin.
Heechul looked like he wanted to retaliate to that, but Siwon said, uncertain, "Hyung, I understand you."
"No you don't," Heechul told him.
"Okay," said Siwon, and then passed Heechul a plate piled with pieces of meat, which apparently was exactly what Heechul wanted. He took a couple of pieces and Siwon put the plate back.
"Siwon really does know you very well," said Sungmin.
"Shut up, no he doesn't," said Heechul.
"I don't, not really," said Siwon, loyally.
"Forget Hankyung, maybe you should go out together," said Sungmin, and he slid his gaze along to Hankyung to see his reaction.
"What do I have to do with anything?" Hankyung asked, frowning in confusion.
"No!" said Siwon, voice full of horror as he stared at Sungmin. "No, no, I don't like Heechul-hyung in that way, I -- I don't--"
"Siwon," said Heechul calmly, though he was glaring at Sungmin with not an insignificant amount of venom, probably nothing to do with Hankyung and a lot to do with Siwon. "Calm down, he's joking." Siwon glanced at him and then nodded, biting his bottom lip. He sat back. Sungmin grinned at him, cheerful and apparently not noticing that Heechul was giving him death glares.
"Just joking, Siwonnie," he said. "We know that you don't like each other that way."
"I don't," said Siwon emphatically, and it was tragically obvious to everyone other than Sungmin exactly what he was getting at.
"And now if we could only get Heechul to admit to what we already know," said Sungmin.
"No," said Heechul. "Two weeks, Sungmin. And he's a fucker."
"And yet you still--"
"No."
"You want to--"
"Oh my god, I will--"
"Just admit it!"
"Fine!" said Heechul, standing up and slamming his hands down on the table. Everyone apart from Sungmin jumped in shock. "Fine, so I do! I don't see what it's got to do with you, because it doesn't make a difference, okay? It doesn't change anything, it's not going to make me act any different, and I'm certainly not going to do anything that you think is a good idea." Then he turned and poked his finger at Hankyung. "This is all your fault," he announced, and then he turned and made to storm out of the dining hall.
"Eh?" said Hankyung.
"I can help you if you want!" Sungmin called. Heechul whirled around, looking strangely honestly furious.
"No!" he screamed back. "I'm not taking advice off someone who can't give up on a guy that they've got no chance with and who can't even notice what's right in front of them, in the form of a tall, dark and handsome guy, which is supposedly what you go for!" And then he finally made his grand exit.
Sungmin was too busy looking at Kyuhyun nervously -- who was struggling to hold his laughter back and hadn't noticed Sungmin looking at him -- to notice that Siwon looked horrified. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then Sungmin disappeared. Siwon made to hit his head off the table in frustration and then remembered that he'd end up breaking the table in half if he did so.
"Yay," said Zhou Mi happily. "This is so much fun, it's like a drama in real life."
"You have no sense of what's appropriate, do you?" Kyuhyun sounded too amused by everything for there to be any real bite in his voice. Zhou Mi shook his head happily. Kyuhyun grinned at him, and Hankyung suddenly felt very sorry for Sungmin, and by extension, for Siwon. He'd never been in love before, never even crushed on someone before -- you had to actually meet people for that -- so he couldn't understand that, but he could at least understand the sadness that came from rejection.
"Hey," said Sungmin thoughtfully the next morning at breakfast, when Hankyung had yet to come down, Heechul was still angry at him and so was 'sulking', as Sungmin had put it, in the room, Siwon was keeping him company, and Eeteuk had had to leave early. "I was thinking. I know Heechul said that we shouldn't, but I'm dying of curiousity about whatever Hankyung did."
Donghae looked unsure. "I am, but you heard Heechul-hyung."
"He said that we shouldn't," Sungmin pointed out. "He never said we couldn't."
"I don't think we should," said Ryeowook solemnly.
Sungmin sighed. "I know you probably think I'm just being a gossip and trying to dig something up, but I'mnot," he said seriously, laying his utensils down. "I feel like if we don't know what Hankyung did, we can't help him. And we do want to help him, don't we?"
"Yeah," said Eunhyuk softly. "Yeah, we do."
"I'm just not happy with the idea of poking our noses into places where they aren't wanted," said Ryeowook, who did sound unhappy.
"We aren't going to talk to Hankyung about it," said Sungmin. "It's just so we know which subjects to avoid."
"Fine," said Donghae. "I'm in. I don't want a repeat of yesterday." He shivered. "It was scary."
As the others all agreed to try their best, Zhou Mi stayed silent. He knew that he should warn Hankyung, but he didn't feel like it was ever going to amount to anything. Hankyung's secret -- well, maybe having the others know his secret wouldn't be so bad. He was optimistic like that, and after all, he just wanted Hankyung to get better. It was rather depressing for Zhou Mi himself to hear the despair in Hankyung's thoughts. If the others could help him where Zhou Mi felt he had failed, then who was he to stop them?
Hankyung blinked at him, confused. "Like what?" he asked.
"Like that," said Heechul, and motioned to his face. "All depressed and what not."
"I agree with this question," said Kangin.
"Yeah," said Shindong. "No offence, but it's kind of a dampener."
Hankyung looked around at them all. "Oh," he said. He then looked down at his plate, hands clenched together in his lap. "Sorry."
"You know that we're here if you ever want to talk," said Eeteuk. "You know that, right?"
Hankyung looked up and nodded, avoiding Heechul's eyes. Then he stood up. "Sorry," he repeated. "I -- I'm going to go back to my room, I just --"
"It's fine," said Eeteuk.
It will get better, said Zhou Mi's voice cheerfully, and Hankyung could tell that he honestly believed that, just like he believed his sister would soon get better, although two weeks had passed with no sign of improvement or a transplant. They all seemed to be aware that time was running out for her, apart from Zhou Mi. Hankyung felt annoyance at Zhou Mi for not seeing the truth in front of him, but also envied him his optimistic outlook.
He left the dining hall alone. Kangin paused with his chopsticks in his mouth, looking a little thoughtful. A joke about not hurting himself passed through most of their heads, but went unsaid. "Hey, guys," he said, drawing their attention. "Do you think we should try to find out what Hankyung did in China that made him like this?"
There was a pause, during which Eeteuk opened his mouth to say something, looking disapproving, but Heechul got there before him. "No," he said firmly. "No, you can't."
"I thought you wanted to know the most," cried Yehsung, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation.
"Things change," said Heechul. He seemed reserved somehow; apart from snapping at Hankyung, he had mostly been quiet. Kangin looked carefully at him, and then understood.
"You already know, don't you?" he said, and Heechul looked him in the eye and then nodded, slowly.
"I do," he said. "And -- you'll have to take my word for it, but it explains everything. But I, I owe it to Hankyung to keep it a secret, it's understandable why he doesn't want anyone to know."
"He killed someone, didn't he?" Shindong shrugged as Heechul frowned at him. "It's not hard to work out."
"But it's easy to see that he didn't mean to do it," said Eunhyuk. There was hopeful encouragement in his voice. Heechul stood up.
"I've got to go to the classroom," he said, and he was even avoiding looking at Siwon. "I've got some work to do."
"I'll come with you," said Siwon.
"No," said Heechul. "It's okay, Siwon." He stood up and too left the room, turning left out of the doors rather than right like Hankyung.
There was silence for few moments, until Sungmin said, "Well, what do you think?"
"It's all really weird," said Donghae. "Don't you think?"
"Why would he tell Heechul-hyung and no one else?" asked Siwon.
"Heechul probably just bugged him about it until he confessed," said Yehsung with an uneasy grin.
"I don't think it's as obvious as that," said Eeteuk. "Hankyung never struck me as the type to talk easily; he's been here for two weeks and he's barely spoken about his past at all. Why would he suddenly spill all to Heechul?"
"I have a theory," said Sungmin brightly.
"I agree with this theory," said Zhou Mi with a happy smile.
"They don't like each other," said Kyuhyun.
"They've only know each other two weeks," said Kangin, exasperated.
"So?" Sungmin looked unimpressed with this counter-logic. "That's plenty of time."
"I think Hankyung just had to tell someone," said Ryeowook quietly.
"You're probably right," said Eeteuk sadly.
"I wonder what happened," said Yehsung musingly.
"No doubt we'll find out sooner rather than later," said Eunhyuk.
Hankyung sat on his bed, staring aimlessly out of the window. The bell for lessons had rung over fifteen minutes ago, but no one had yet appeared in the room: Siwon apparently had all he needed. Hankyung knew that he needed to move, knew that at this rate, he would be late, but he couldn't. He didn't feel physically capable of it.
The day before had rocked everything. Like Heechul had said, Hankyung had been getting better. He had still been quiet, still more willing to let others talk around him than talk himself, but he had least been there, had at least been listening. Now, there had been another shift.
This time, he just felt sick. He felt tired. He was tired of the guilty feelings, the nightmares, the constant feel of leather against his fingers. He was sick of it all, of all the things that his power entailed. Sometimes, he wished his powers worked on him: he could just press his fingers to his forehead, and it would all be over.
Slowly, he stood up and left the room, leaving his jacket on the bed, his school bag on the floor. He walked through the dorm building, empty by this point: when he went out the front doors, the final bell rang overhead. It seemed to be a note of finality for him.
Instead of heading over the grounds towards the school, he kept close to the walls of the dorm building, turning the corner and going to the back of the building. From there he continued on, walking down towards the forest that lay at the base of the slope, pushing through the trees until he came out at the lake at the very back of the school grounds. He stood, and then he walked forward and sat down at the edge of the water.
By second lesson, there was a definite sense of unease among his friends. Heechul was staring out of the window, as if by looking hard enough Hankyung would appear: Kangin and Yehsung were doing exactly the same thing with the door. Even Eeteuk kept glancing at the door, a frown on his face; he almost missed the teacher calling on him for an answer. By the time lunch swung around, he was actually feeling quite frantic.
"Quick," he said, the second they were out of the classroom. "Kangin, I give you permission to transform, run to the dorms and see if he's there."
"He's probably just not feeling well," said Kangin, though he didn't seem too certain. Donghae's class suddenly arrived then, and they noticed someone missing from their number immediately.
"Where's Hankyung?" Donghae asked, frowning.
"We have no idea," admitted Yehsung. "He never turned up for lessons."
"Don't worry," said Eeteuk hastily. "We're sure he's fine, we just need to--"
"Want me to teleport to the dorms and see if he's there?" Sungmin offered, interrupting Eeteuk. Eeteuk paused, and then nodded, biting his bottom lip. Sungmin flickered out of view, and then, a minute later, re-appeared, face rather white. "He's not there," he said.
"Right," said Eeteuk, taking control of the situation. "Zhou Mi, can you--?"
Zhou Mi nodded and closed his eyes. While he normally could catch bits and pieces of emotions or thoughts, it took a lot of concentration to be able to tap into what he actually wanted to get. He was so focused on finding Hankyung somehow that he didn't notice when Kyuhyun came up.
"Hey," he said, and then frowned. "What--?"
"Quiet," ordered Eeteuk, putting a finger to his lips. "We're trying to find Hankyung."
"Hyung is missing?" Siwon had caught the last bit when he arrived with Henry and Ryeowook. "What, where could he have gone?"
"That's what we're trying to find out," said Heechul. "Be quiet, Seasoning is thinking."
Zhou Mi opened his eyes then, frowning both in confusion and pain; he put his palm against his forehead. "I can't -- he's quite far away but still in the school grounds, I think. He's deeply unhappy." He paused and looked at Eeteuk, ignoring the hand Kyuhyun put on his shoulder, this striking as odd and significant. "I'm worried, hyung," he said.
"I," said Henry, and then faltered as everyone looked at him. "Black," he tried, his Korean hesitent. "Um, spots. All over."
They understood suddenly: Henry was telling them that Hankyung's aura had black spots all over it. Black, the colour of deep depression. "We have to find him," said Eeteuk desperately.
Hankyung was standing on the edge of the pier when they eventually found him. Heechul, Siwon and Zhou Mi suddenly came through the forest behind him, Siwon holding a large branch that he had apparently snapped off a tree somewhere in his haste. "Hyung!" he shouted, his voice carrying over to Hankyung, who turned to look at him.
"You fucker!" Heechul yelled, almost falling on a rock leading up to the pier and only staying upright because Zhou Mi caught him -- Siwon looked like he wanted to, but stopped himself in case he hurt him. Heechul threw Zhou Mi off. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Hankyung was silent, just staring at them. "Hyung, don't kill yourself!" Siwon shouted.
"I'm not," said Hankyung finally, looking at them like they were crazy. "I'm not, of course I'm not." He took a step back from the edge of the pier. "I was just--"
"Don't lie," said Heechul sharply, standing at the other end of the pier. "Zhou Mi knows what you're thinking, after all."
"I wasn't going to kill myself," said Hankyung. "I was -- it's --" He sighed, heavily. "You don't understand," he said.
"You explained it all to me last night!" Heechul sounded annoyed.
"But I killed her," said Hankyung. "I have to live with that."
"It was a fucking accident!" Heechul was definitely annoyed now: he had both arms folded over his chest. "You couldn't control it, you only have to live with it because you keep blaming yourself."
"I can't--" whispered Hankyung, but Heechul cut across him, possibly not even hearing him.
"Get the fuck over it!" he screamed. "Is killing yourself going to change anything? Is it going to bring her back? No, of course not, you complete idiot. All it's going to do is hurt a lot more people."
"I wasn't going to kill myself," said Hankyung, his eyebrow twitching in anger.
"You were standing at the edge of the water," Heechul pointed out. "And Seasoning said you were thinking of death."
"Well, of course I was," retorted Hankyung. "I was thinking of my sister, wasn't I? Zhou Mi didn't pick up on that."
"I only got a vague idea," admitted Zhou Mi.
"Well, why are you standing all the way out there?" Heechul asked, looking sure of himself. Hankyung blinked at him.
"I was just looking at the water," he said. "It's strange, being among nature. I'm not used to it."
Heechul's facial expression changed immediately; suddenly he looked completely pissed, and something hit Hankyung hard on the back of the head. He almost fell into the water from shock, and turned to see a large branch lying on the floor behind him. "What the hell?" he yelled, rubbing his head. "Stop hitting me with stuff!"
"Stop being such an emo dick!" Heechul yelled back. "I don't have the time to play your babysitter all the time, okay? You're going to make us all late for lessons at this rate. And we haven't eaten yet."
"I don't understand why you all came looking for me," said Hankyung, starting back towards them.
"We were worried about you, hyung," said Siwon. "We didn't know what you would do."
"You've got to think about other people, idiot," said Heechul. "You might have lived a selfish life before but now you have people who actually like you, though god only knows why, they're going to worry." He glared at Hankyung, and once Hankyung had reached him, he actually clenched his fist and punched Hankyung in the jaw. Hankyung staggered back, more from shock than anything else. "Think about it, you idiot," Heechul hissed, then he turned and stalked away.
Are you okay? Zhou Mi asked, sounding worried. Hankyung, with his hand pressed to his jaw, nodded slowly. Then, in silence, he followed them back through the forest, Siwon forcing his way through, Heechul keeping up an annoyed, scornful air. Once through the trees, Sungmin immediately appeared in front of them. "Hey, you're right," he said, and then he disappeared. Hankyung looked at the others like they maybe knew -- Siwon blinked back at him. Zhou Mi smiled a little.
"I told him where we were," he said, and sure enough, a second later, there was a shout and suddenly everyone was running down over the lawn towards him, their faces all mixtures of worry, anger and relief. Eeteuk, on reaching him, practically threw himself at Hankyung, hugging him tightly and patting him on the head for some reason.
"Oh thank god!" he said loudly, almost babbling. "Zhou Mi said you were unhappy and Henry said you were depressed and we were so worried, we didn't know what you'd do!"
"I'm fine," said Hankyung, laughingly exasperated. "Seriously, I just -- I wanted some time to think by myself, I feel fine, I--"
"Liar," said Henry loudly in Korean, looking angry, and then he switched to Chinese. "I can see your aura, you're not fine."
"My aura?" Hankyung blinked at him in confusion. "What's that?"
"Your emotions," said Henry, who did seem very annoyed. "Yours are always really dull and dark, and there are all these grey blotches all over it all the time. I don't like to look at it."
"I don't understand," said Hankyung slowly.
"Henry sees emotions," explained Zhou Mi. "He sees them as a sort of haze around people, different colours representing certain emotions. He can also control the emotions of non-mutants to some extent, he's handy in tricky confrontational situations." Zhou Mi grinned; he found it impossible to be upset or worried about anything for more than ten minutes.
"And mine is--?"
"Black," said Henry with a nod. "Ge, you're like a walking rain cloud."
"Okay," interrupted Heechul. "That's enough Chinese, someone tell me what's going on."
"Black," said Henry in Korean.
"I'm a walking rain cloud, apparently," said Hankyung, nonplussed.
"I'll agree to that," said Heechul.
"Were you--" Ryeowook looked small and rather frightened. "Zhou Mi said that you were -- did you really want to kill yourself?"
"No," said Hankyung, and then sighed. "I've thought about it before though. Everything would be a lot easier if I wasn't around, for my family."
"You're not supposed to make life easy for your family," said Yehsung, sounding like he was trying to bolster the situation up a little -- and knowing that he was failing. "I think I aged my mother by fifteen years since I hit my teens."
"Which is kind of ironic, if you think about it," said Kyuhyun with a grin.
"So?" Eeteuk was looking at him intently. "Are you going to tell us why you've thought about killing yourself? Or why you needed to be alone at the edge of a very deep lake?"
Hankyung was surprised to find that he was squirming a little in embarrassment: it really was like being on the recieving end of an interrogation by a disapproving mother. Eeteuk looked soft and may have been kind of fragile, but he had steel running through his mind, and the more Hankyung tried to avoid looking at him, the more Eeteuk tried to catch his eyes. In the end, Hankyung just sighed. "I still don't want to talk about it," he said.
"But you've told Heechul," Kangin pointed out. Hankyung slid his gaze sideways to give Heechul a Look.
"You told?" he asked, frowning.
"They asked," said Heechul, as if this excused him. "But I never told them what, I just told them that I knew."
Hankyung closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't feel ready for everyone to know," he said. "I might do, at some point, but right now, I just can't."
"We'll wait," said Eeteuk. "I know that some day, you'll trust us enough. We want to be your friends, Hankyung. You need to talk to us, don't go to extreme lengths if it all gets too much for you."
"We all know how hard it is," said Shindong. "Coming to this school is a culture shock in itself, but you've come from a different country on top of that. And then there's whatever makes you so unhappy."
"We're here to help, hyung," said Siwon eagerly.
"T-than--" Hankyung broke off as Kibum suddenly appeared next to Donghae; Hankyung hadn't been aware that he'd even been present. He was corpreal for about five seconds -- Hankyung had never seen him look so happy, or emotional at all -- and then he disappeared again.
"Bugger," he said, and Donghae reached out and took hold of something invisible, presumably Kibum's hand, and seemed to squeeze lightly. "God, this sucks."
"Well, that's the moment ruined," said Heechul.
"What's wrong?" asked Hankyung, confused.
"First years have control first thing in the morning," said Siwon. "Something went wrong and now Kibum keeps flickering in and out, he's got no control over it."
"I like having control over it," said Kibum's voice. "I just know I'm going to reappear at the worst time, like when I'm -- when I'm spying in the girl's bathroom or something." His voice had taken on a mischievious tone.
"Hey!" said Donghae, and made to hit Kibum on the shoulder. Unforunately, because Kibum was invisible, he seemed to miss, and Kibum shouted out.
"Hyung, that was my fucking head," he said, and then there was a brief pause and Donghae's hand fell to his side.
"Kibummie," Donghae wailed, making grabbing movements in the air as if that was going to help him locate someone he couldn't see. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!"
There was no reply from Kibum; they soon found that that was because he'd started on his way back up to the school, as he flickered back into view once near the fountain. Donghae took off after him at a run, normal human speed, but didn't seem to catch up with him before entering the school building, but no one had any idea because Kibum was invisible. The rest started back a lot slower, aware that they were a little late.
They were yelled at when they got back to lessons, Eeteuk and Hankyung in particular because Eeteuk was head boy and "should know better", and Hankyung because he'd missed the morning's lessons. Professor Park, the one who had made Hankyung show his power in that first lesson, seemed unimpressed by Eeteuk's excuse that Hankyung hadn't been feeling well that morning and they'd gone to check on him (which was true, in a manner of speaking). Unlike the casual, obviously fake dislike he displayed towards Hyori, Hankyung honestly didn't like Professor Park, who taught the Korean language class in addition to being their form teacher, and who didn't seem to like him back because he was foreign and therefore didn't have a perfect grasp of the Korean alphabet yet -- he'd learnt the spoken form mostly.
She kept an icy front towards the five of them for the remainder of her lesson -- Heechul stuck his middle finger up at her back when she left -- but Hankyung barely even noticed. He felt strangely on edge, and the feeling stuck to him, brewing in his stomach, until he got to control lessons and realised what it was. It was anticipation of something not good. Hyori.
"How are you?" Hyori asked, fixing him with a steady stare. Hankyung shrugged.
"Fine," he muttered.
"No, he isn't," said Heechul helpfully on his way past. Kangin nodded his agreement. They were on their way to the corner of the hall, where Heechul had to stop Kangin from catching a ball while he transformed into different animals in order to catch it. They were testing to see how fast Heechul's mental reflexes were, and whether only being able to transform into rather large animals hindered Kangin's movement in any way. Hyori, based on their evidence, stared at Hankyung again.
"Are you still hung up after yesterday?" she asked.
"No," said Hankyung, and then, "Yes. I don't know. I feel like I should be hung up on this, to be honest."
"Probably," said Hyori. "I got you another flower. Don't kill it."
"I don't understand you," Hankyung muttered as he sat down in front of a pretty flowering plant, with large yellow buds just starting to open. Half an hour later, when Hyori came over, the plant was pathetically hanging over the side of the pot, dead.
"Ah well," she said. "We'll get it soon."
"It just happens so fast!" said Hankyung, in despair. "It's like smoke or something, but it moves so fast that I can't control it."
"You will do, soon," said Hyori.
Another person Hankyung didn't understand was Heechul, who was back to being friendly with him, but hadn't mentioned the fact that he'd punched him in the face earlier in the day. In fact, Heechul was being downright pleasant. "I don't understand you," Hankyung told him at dinner, causing a slight amount of laughter.
"Good," said Heechul, looking strangely proud of this fact. "You're not supposed to."
"Hyung, you're such a girl," said Kangin.
Heechul looked like he wanted to retaliate to that, but Siwon said, uncertain, "Hyung, I understand you."
"No you don't," Heechul told him.
"Okay," said Siwon, and then passed Heechul a plate piled with pieces of meat, which apparently was exactly what Heechul wanted. He took a couple of pieces and Siwon put the plate back.
"Siwon really does know you very well," said Sungmin.
"Shut up, no he doesn't," said Heechul.
"I don't, not really," said Siwon, loyally.
"Forget Hankyung, maybe you should go out together," said Sungmin, and he slid his gaze along to Hankyung to see his reaction.
"What do I have to do with anything?" Hankyung asked, frowning in confusion.
"No!" said Siwon, voice full of horror as he stared at Sungmin. "No, no, I don't like Heechul-hyung in that way, I -- I don't--"
"Siwon," said Heechul calmly, though he was glaring at Sungmin with not an insignificant amount of venom, probably nothing to do with Hankyung and a lot to do with Siwon. "Calm down, he's joking." Siwon glanced at him and then nodded, biting his bottom lip. He sat back. Sungmin grinned at him, cheerful and apparently not noticing that Heechul was giving him death glares.
"Just joking, Siwonnie," he said. "We know that you don't like each other that way."
"I don't," said Siwon emphatically, and it was tragically obvious to everyone other than Sungmin exactly what he was getting at.
"And now if we could only get Heechul to admit to what we already know," said Sungmin.
"No," said Heechul. "Two weeks, Sungmin. And he's a fucker."
"And yet you still--"
"No."
"You want to--"
"Oh my god, I will--"
"Just admit it!"
"Fine!" said Heechul, standing up and slamming his hands down on the table. Everyone apart from Sungmin jumped in shock. "Fine, so I do! I don't see what it's got to do with you, because it doesn't make a difference, okay? It doesn't change anything, it's not going to make me act any different, and I'm certainly not going to do anything that you think is a good idea." Then he turned and poked his finger at Hankyung. "This is all your fault," he announced, and then he turned and made to storm out of the dining hall.
"Eh?" said Hankyung.
"I can help you if you want!" Sungmin called. Heechul whirled around, looking strangely honestly furious.
"No!" he screamed back. "I'm not taking advice off someone who can't give up on a guy that they've got no chance with and who can't even notice what's right in front of them, in the form of a tall, dark and handsome guy, which is supposedly what you go for!" And then he finally made his grand exit.
Sungmin was too busy looking at Kyuhyun nervously -- who was struggling to hold his laughter back and hadn't noticed Sungmin looking at him -- to notice that Siwon looked horrified. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then Sungmin disappeared. Siwon made to hit his head off the table in frustration and then remembered that he'd end up breaking the table in half if he did so.
"Yay," said Zhou Mi happily. "This is so much fun, it's like a drama in real life."
"You have no sense of what's appropriate, do you?" Kyuhyun sounded too amused by everything for there to be any real bite in his voice. Zhou Mi shook his head happily. Kyuhyun grinned at him, and Hankyung suddenly felt very sorry for Sungmin, and by extension, for Siwon. He'd never been in love before, never even crushed on someone before -- you had to actually meet people for that -- so he couldn't understand that, but he could at least understand the sadness that came from rejection.
"Hey," said Sungmin thoughtfully the next morning at breakfast, when Hankyung had yet to come down, Heechul was still angry at him and so was 'sulking', as Sungmin had put it, in the room, Siwon was keeping him company, and Eeteuk had had to leave early. "I was thinking. I know Heechul said that we shouldn't, but I'm dying of curiousity about whatever Hankyung did."
Donghae looked unsure. "I am, but you heard Heechul-hyung."
"He said that we shouldn't," Sungmin pointed out. "He never said we couldn't."
"I don't think we should," said Ryeowook solemnly.
Sungmin sighed. "I know you probably think I'm just being a gossip and trying to dig something up, but I'mnot," he said seriously, laying his utensils down. "I feel like if we don't know what Hankyung did, we can't help him. And we do want to help him, don't we?"
"Yeah," said Eunhyuk softly. "Yeah, we do."
"I'm just not happy with the idea of poking our noses into places where they aren't wanted," said Ryeowook, who did sound unhappy.
"We aren't going to talk to Hankyung about it," said Sungmin. "It's just so we know which subjects to avoid."
"Fine," said Donghae. "I'm in. I don't want a repeat of yesterday." He shivered. "It was scary."
As the others all agreed to try their best, Zhou Mi stayed silent. He knew that he should warn Hankyung, but he didn't feel like it was ever going to amount to anything. Hankyung's secret -- well, maybe having the others know his secret wouldn't be so bad. He was optimistic like that, and after all, he just wanted Hankyung to get better. It was rather depressing for Zhou Mi himself to hear the despair in Hankyung's thoughts. If the others could help him where Zhou Mi felt he had failed, then who was he to stop them?
........................................................................
Hankyung stretched out in his bedroom, taking the chance to have the luxury of being able to take the time to do so. Finally, it was Saturday. Finally, he had two days where he didn't need to do anything, where he could take his time and relax and he could even leave all his homework for tomorrow, and just have one, perfect day.
Today was the first time that he was going down into town with the others -- he hadn't been allowed the previous two weekends as he was new -- and he had determined to enjoy himself. He had been fixated on his sister for most of the week, and had doubled his efforts in control in order to be able to know in his own heart that he was doing all he could to make up for what he had done, but he felt that he deserved this break.
He sat up slowly and saw that Siwon was still asleep, on his side with his back to Hankyung. Quietly, so as to not disturb him, Hankyung left the bedroom, and made his way down to the dining hall to see if anyone else was awake yet. Hankyung actually liked weekends at the school; there was something strangely informal about them, as all the students came down to breakfast at whatever time they wanted before 11am, all usually clad in their pyjamas or something of the sort, their conversations full of things they were going to do that day. It was the closest thing Hankyung had ever had to a family breakfast -- in China, he ate all his meals in his room to avoid his parents.
There were a few down already, Eunhyuk, his hair spiky at the back, talking to Sungmin, who had pulled on a pair of jeans before he came down. Heechul, colourful as usual in a pair of orange striped pyjama pants and a bright pink oversized t-shirt with some sort of cartoon on it, was poking a spoon at a bowl of cornflakes, not eating any and not appearing to notice that they'd all dissolved to mush about ten minutes earlier. "Hey," said Hankyung, sitting down opposite him, after having got himself a bowl of cereal for himself.
"I don't want you," said Heechul promptly without even looking at him. "I want Siwon."
"Siwon's still asleep," said Hankyung.
"Captain Obvious," muttered Heechul, giving his own mushed-up cereal a particularly vicious jab with the spoon.
"Why, what you do want him for?" Hankyung reached across for some toast, and Eunhyuk waved at him. Hankyung nodded back.
"I need to complain about my mother," said Heechul.
"Complain to me," Hankyung offered.
"You don't even know my mother."
"Unbiased opinion?"
"God, she woke me up at six o'clock this morning to check that I was taking my asthma medication," Heechul exploded, brandishing his spoon angrily. "I haven't had asthma since I was fouror something, but she had a dream where I had an attack and got all terrified that I was dying right there and then. And then she wanted to talk about my ex-boyfriend or something, who has just got back from military camp -- don't even ask -- and apparently he's all tall and handsome and she was telling me that I had to come back and snap him up before a girl got him, and I tried to explain to her that it was six am, and she was like sleep tight! and hung up before I could remind her that she'd woken me up." He paused and looked at Hankyung expectantly.
"She sounds wonderful," said Hankyung wistfully.
"Oh, I forget, you're the neglected loner." Heechul scooped some of the mush onto his spoon, still having not noticed the state it was in. "Fuck my life."
"Hey," said Hankyung, reaching forward and taking hold of Heechul's wrist. Heechul almost dropped his spoon, he was so surprised, and on realising what he'd done, Hankyung jerked his hand back. "Sorry," he said.
"It's fine," said Heechul. "God, you can't go around never touching people, that's going to be awkward."
"I -- don't eat that," said Hankyung.
"Huh?" Heechul glanced down at what he'd been about to put in his mouth and winced. "Shit, yeah." He looked across at the tables by the side of the hall, where all the cereal and milk where kept, and then shoved his bowl away. "Damn it, I'll just have eggs."
Hankyung looked down at his bowl and then pushed it across the table towards Heechul. "Here," he said. "You can have this, I'll have something else."
"Are you sure?" Heechul looked at him carefully. "You aren't going to expect anything in return?"
"No, of course not," said Hankyung, a little confused but just going with it. "It's fine, take them."
"Yes!" said Heechul, and seemed to eat the cereal double quick in case Hankyung changed his mind halfway through and tried to take it off him. Hankyung just helped himself to some scrambled egg and bacon and ate it a lot slower than Heechul. "Good," said Heechul when he'd finished. "I didn't really want eggs, I'm trying to lose weight."
Hankyung stared at him. His t-shirt hung down so that Hankyung could just about make out the sharp ridge of his collarbone, his whole body thin as a whippet. "You do not need to lose weight," he said sincerely, and Heechul peered at him.
"I think you're doing alright, you know," he said, a little suddenly and too loudly, like he thought he was saying something embarrassing and wanted to get it over with. "With this whole being around people thing. You're a little too honest and blunt with your language, but I think you're coping well."
"Wait, did you just say that I was too blunt?"
"I know what I'm doing," said Heechul breezily. "I do it on purpose, it's one of my defining features. You, on the other hand...well, there's the language barrier, and you've never really dealt with people. I think you're doing good."
Hankyung thought about this and then smiled slowly, nodding a little. "I -- thank you." Heechul nodded back, a little awkwardly, and then Sungmin interrupted them.
"Are you having a moment?" he asked, rather excited.
"If we were, you just ruined it," said Heechul, standing up. "But no, we weren't. No moment." He turned to leave the room. Sungmin jumped up and ran after him.
"Wait!" he shouted. "I need to talk to you about today, I have a plan--" And that was the last thing they heard from them.
Hankyung had to admit, though, that he probably was getting better, slowly but surely. He still didn't feel like his emotions were particularly stable, but he at least was getting better with bodily contact, just not when it had anything to do with his hands. He sat with Siwon on the bus, and didn't really mind when he got jostled getting on. Siwon turned in his seat and was talking to Donghae about something that Hankyung didn't understand and which had caused Kibum to look bored in a pained sort of a way, but it left Hankyung free to watch the others. Heechul and Sungmin were talking quietly about something, and Sungmin kept sending covert glances over to Kyuhyun in the seat opposite, so there were no prizes for guessing what they were discussing. Unfortunately, Kyuhyun was sat next to Zhou Mi, and they were laughing together.
A few high school kids got on at a stop in the town before the city, and jostled Eeteuk a little -- it wasn't enough to break anything, but it was enough to cause Eeteuk to wince a little and for Kangin to snarl at them, the noise strangely animal. "Hey, sorry," said the boy who had accidently fallen into him, and Eeteuk just smiled softly and shook his head and gratefully accepted the seat that Yehsung offered to him next to Ryeowook. Kangin stood next to him, looking for all the world like a bodyguard, and Hankyung realised all of a sudden how fragile Eeteuk actually was. In school, it had never seemed that obvious, because there weren't too many dangers, but outside the school with people who didn't know about his bones and didn't know that they had to be careful, dangers were everywhere for Eeteuk. Even being on the bus seemed kind of risky. There was no chance that Eeteuk would survive a crash, and even a sudden stop had the possibility of harm. For the first time, Hankyung was beginning to realise the hardships that the others faced. Eeteuk pasted a happy smile on but how happy was he really with his situation? It had to be hard.
Hankyung wasn't surprised to see Kangin stick close to Eeteuk when they got off the bus. While it was fairly obvious to everyone -- it seemed likely that even Eeteuk knew how Kangin felt -- it was also obvious that to Kangin, it wasn't about being with Eeteuk in a relationship sort of a way, it was just about being there for Eeteuk. He seemed to like being Eeteuk's younger brother, though from what Hankyung could see, it was sometimes more like Kangin was the older one, as he tried to protect Eeteuk from anything that could harm him. It was nice to see.
They split off into smaller groups, Kangin and Eeteuk being joined by Ryeowook, Henry practically clinging to Ryeowook. Hankyung expected Yehsung to follow but instead he started talking to Kibum about something and the two of them wandered off, Donghae shouting a cheery "Goodbye!" to Kibum before chattering excitedly to Eunhyuk about what they were going to do. Sungmin watched as Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi walked down to a video game store and then announced that he was joining Donghae and Eunhyuk, and in the end Shindong said he would join them. Hankyung looked nervously at Heechul and Siwon who were left.
"I have things to do," said Heechul warningly. "You'll have to walk fast." Hankyung nodded. "Fine," said Heechul, and then turned and stalked away, and it was all Hankyung could do to keep up -- Siwon had had practise at this, it appeared, because he seemed to know exactly when Heechul would suddenly change direction and go into a shop that Hankyung had honestly never noticed before. Hankyung was always step behind, but eventually he just stopped trying to predict and just followed, accepting that he would always be a step behind.
"At least we don't have to buy a new alarm clock," said Siwon when they were waiting for Heechul to finish paying for a pale grey shirt of some sort of soft material, which he'd made them feel before deciding to get it. Hankyung nodded, smiling a little: they had eventually had the genius idea to move the alarm clock to Hankyung's dresser, so now Siwon no longer broke a different one every morning.
Heechul appeared then. "I have decided where I need to go next," he announced, and then they were out of that shop and walking down the street to another one before Hankyung could blink. It seemed quite a way and he took the chance to look around himself, sticking close to Heechul and Siwon. Large crowds did make him feel quite nervous, but it was rather interesting being outside and actually seeing how people interacted with each other. He watched as a family walked past, a small boy clinging to his father's hand and chattering in a high pitched voice, the mother pushing a pushchair where a toddler waved her hands in the air. He watched them walk all the way up the street and so missed Heechul answer his phone.
He finished the call with a snap as he closed his phone which jerked Hankyung out of his own thoughts. "Sungmin's going to join us," he said, already continuing his walk to the shop they had originally been heading to.
"Really, hyung?" Siwon said brightly, looking suddenly quite a lot happier than he had been, and he'd been pretty cheerful to begin with.
"Donghae, Eunhyuk and Shindong immediately headed for the video arcade and Sungmin has decided enough is enough." Heechul pushed open the door to the shop. "He's meeting us here, so you just stay here and look out for him. Hankyung, you come in with me."
As it turned out, Hankyung wasn't needed inside the small shop which sold pieces of jewellery and small trinkets. Heechul explained that he was looking for something for his cousin's birthday, and then said, "I'm trying to give Siwon a chance with Sungmin alone."
He was bent over a display and as he straightened up he tucked his hair back behind his ears; Hankyung's eyes followed the line of his wrists to his fingers before he snapped himself out of it. "I kind of feel sorry for Siwon," said Heechul with a sigh, leaning back against the display. "I mean, he's pretty much got no chance with Sungmin, because Sungmin is all wrapped up in Kyuhyun, but Siwon has liked Sungmin since he first arrived at the school. Sungmin arrived a short while after me and we became friends after he was made my roommates. So when Siwon arrived, I was -- I was a little mean to Sungmin, because I'd always been the most important thing in Siwon's life, and I didn't think Sungmin really deserved his attention. Sungmin, you see, never noticed the way Siwon felt and after Kyuhyun arrived, Siwon just never stood a chance. I just want Sungmin to realise, because it's not fair on Siwon." He glanced at Hankyung, and shrugged. "I never talk about how he feels about Sungmin to Siwon; I'm too scared that I'll have to coldly shoot down his hopes."
They wasted some time in the shop but when they eventually left, Sungmin still hadn't arrived, and Siwon was no longer standing outside the shop. Heechul frowned and then noticed Siwon sitting at a bench nearby, bags around his feet. "Where's Sungmin?" Heechul demanded, standing in front of Siwon and tapping his foot on the ground.
"I don't know," said Siwon, a little hesitantly. "He still hasn't arrived."
"Huh," said Heechul. "Well, he can't be lost, he knows this place like the back of his hand."
"Maybe something happened to him," said Siwon, worried now.
"Nah," said Heechul, sitting down next to him casually and pulling out his phone. "He probably just got distracted by a nice shirt or something. He -- He's ringing me now." He flipped open his phone and held it to his ear. "Where are you? No, I'm still outside the shop. What? No! I've still got -- what? Wait, are you -- fine. Fine! We'll be right there." He hung up, sighing heavily. "He wants us to meet him at the bus stop for some reason."
"Is he okay?" asked Siwon, standing up and picking up the bags.
"Not sure," said Heechul, already striding off. They walked in silence until they got back to the bus stop, where Sungmin was sitting with his head buried in his arms on his knees, body bent over. For a second, Hankyung thought he was crying, but when Heechul said, "So what's up?" and Sungmin lifted his head up, his face was dry, though he seemed upset.
"Oh," he said. "I didn't realise -- you didn't need to bring Siwon or Hankyung."
"Well, you wouldn't tell me what was going on," said Heechul.
"I was just going to go back to the school," said Sungmin. "I was hoping you'd come with me."
"No!" said Heechul, slightly offended by the suggestion. "I've still got things to do."
"I don't want to go back by myself," said Sungmin, and there was some desperation in his voice which made Heechul put his hands on his hips and stare down at him.
"Okay, tell me what happened," he said. "This is stupid. Either tell me what happened or I'm going back into town."
"Hyung!" said Sungmin, and then rubbed his face. "I was -- I was on my way to see you and I decided to take a shortcut down this alley next to the game store, only when I turned down it, there was--" He broke off, looking like he was on the verge of tears.
"What?" asked Heechul, voice demanding even as he sat down next to Sungmin. Sungmin dropped his head back into his folded arms; his voice was muffled.
"Kyuhyun," he said. "Kyuhyun -- and Zhou Mi. Against the -- kiss. Kissing."
"Damn it," said Heechul, and then turned to Hankyung. "Go check when the next bus comes."
Hankyung did so and found the next one was due in two minutes. Back at the seat, Siwon had hunkered down in front of Sungmin and was trying to get him to look at him. "Hyung? Hyung, are you -- it'll be okay, you'll see."
"Siwon," said Heechul softly, as if he knew that whatever Siwon said would make no difference, but Sungmin lifted his head and managed a weak smile.
"Thanks, Siwonnie," he said, and sat back against the bench, head tipped back to stare up at the sky. Heechul turned to ask Hankyung something, probably when the bus was going to come, but it pulled into the station then. Heechul pulled Sungmin up by the top of his arm, Sungmin unprotesting, and Hankyung and Siwon followed silently, carrying the bags that they'd accumulated over the day. Their journey was silent, Sungmin staring out of the window, Heechul next to him staring down the front of the bus, Siwon and Hankyung on the seat behind, Siwon too busy watching Sungmin anxiously to have anything to do with Hankyung.
Hankyung was unintentionally staring at the back of Heechul's head, not even aware he was doing it. He didn't have a clue as to how he should be acting: comforting to Sungmin, keeping out of it, trying to raise the feeling? He felt incapable of the last one, and wasn't sure that it was even the correct response. He noticed Heechul's shoulders raise and fall, in a sigh that went unheard, and decided to just stay silent.
Once they got back to the dorm building and into Sungmin and Heechul's bedroom, Sungmin sat down on the edge of his bed and burst into tears. Siwon looked across at Heechul, biting his lip. Heechul shrugged, and Siwon nervously went over to the bed and sat down next to Sungmin and touched him on the shoulder tentatively, quite clearly not knowing what he was doing or how to deal with the situation but looking like he wanted to do his best. "Hyung?" he said, and Sungmin turned, buried his face in Siwon's shoulder, and sobbed.
Siwon looked like he didn't know whether to be thrilled at this sudden change in circumstance or pained that Sungmin was upset. He put an arm around Sungmin's shoulders, softly, aware that he didn't know his own strength, and put his chin on Sungmin's head. Heechul paused for a moment and then said; "Did they see you?"
Sungmin didn't say anything but he appeared to shake his head, still buried in Siwon's shoulder.
"Well, at least you know before they come back and tell everyone," said Heechul. "Small comfort, I know, but at least this way he won't have to see you be a melodramatic idiot."
"Hyung," said Siwon, and although he sounded scolding, his voice was soft, no real feeling in it. Sungmin pulled away, rubbing at his eyes.
"No," he said. "No, you're probably right. It's just I really, really liked him."
"I know you did," said Heechul. "But there's nothing you can do about it, is there?"
"I know that," said Sungmin. "And I know I'm not allowed to be angry at him, or Zhou Mi, but god damn it, what does he have that I don't have?"
"Don't ask stupid questions," said Heechul. "What are you going to do now?"
"There's nothing I can do," said Sungmin. "Or so you'll tell me if I start to whine."
"Too right," said Heechul. "Now are you going to be like emo boy here for the rest of the week or are you going to come watch some television with me?"
Sungmin laughed weakly. Hankyung suddenly realised what Heechul had said. "Hey!" he said, annoyed. Heechul just grinned at him.
They headed down to the common rooms, which were all empty, as most people were still down in the town. They chose one of the smaller ones, with just a television and a couple of sofas and large armchairs. Before he could enter the room, Siwon took hold of his arm and tried to jerk him away from the door -- Hankyung could see that Siwon barely even moved, yet Hankyung stumbled a couple of steps to the side and then looked up in shock. Siwon looked like he wanted to apologise but Hankyung just smiled a little at him and shook his head. "Can you come with me?" Siwon asked. Hankyung glanced back at the room, where Heechul was loudly complaining about stupid fucking romance dramas while Sungmin laughed, still sounding weak as he did so but making the effort.
They ended up in the kitchens making ice cream sundaes: chocolate and vanilla for Siwon, strawberry with chopped up pieces of the fruit for Heechul, and vanilla and toffee with caramel sauce and marshmallows for Sungmin. Siwon made them; Hankyung stood around and stared in awe at all the things that the kitchens held. He'd never been in before, had never had a need as he wasn't used to eating any more than his three daily meals anyway and so never got hungry during the rest of the day. Eventually Siwon finished and stood up. "Don't you want one?" he asked Hankyung, blinking a little.
"Oh," said Hankyung, looking down at what Siwon had created: he seemed to be used to this. Hankyung looked around the kitchens, at all the refrigerators and cupboards and attempted a grin. "I don't know where anything is," he said, and Siwon grinned back.
"Here, I'll help you," he said, and showed Hankyung which drawer in the freezer all the ice cream was kept, where the fruit was, where the sweet things were. In the end, Hankyung ended up with a bowl of vanilla ice cream with some strawberry sauce. Siwon laughed when he saw it, saying, "It looked like a child's sundae."
Hankyung looked dubiously at it, and Siwon shook his head, grinning still. "No, it's fine, just, you know, compared to the other two, it's -- minimalistic." Hankyung smiled a little.
Back in the television room, Heechul was sitting curled in one of the arm chairs, feet tucked up underneath him, and Sungmin was resting one of his arms on the arm of another chair, head tipped to the side a little to rest against the back, a show of depression. Siwon handed the ice creams over: Heechul said "I knew there was a reason I kept you around," while Sungmin just gave a quiet thank you. Hankyung thought that he still looked a little tearful but Heechul was pointedly ignoring it, watching the variety show they had decided on while he and Siwon had been away. Siwon, after a moment's deliberation, sat down next to Sungmin on the other end of the sofa, ice cream bowl resting in both his hands, eyes fixed on the television, body awkward. Hankyung couldn't help but be amused by that as he sat down in the armchair next to Heechul's.
Heechul noticed the smile on his face and looked at him doubtfully. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing," said Hankyung, and ate a spoonful of his ice cream.
"What did you get?" Heechul asked, scooping up some of his own. Sungmin had yet to touch his; Siwon eating his own slowly. Hankyung tipped his bowl to the side and showed Heechul, who just blinked at it, and then stared at him. "Is that it?"
Hankyung shrugged. "I don't want any more," he said. "It's enough of a -- I haven't had ice cream in--" Hankyung thought about it. "Five years, maybe?"
"Okay, that's a reason to be emo," said Heechul, hugging his bowl to his chest. "You are a poor, deprived boy and I am very glad I am not you."
"Big surprise, that," said Hankyung, and Heechul grinned at him, and Hankyung tried to ignore the slight fluttering in his chest.
He was going to have to clamp down on this, he decided as he ate his ice cream and pretended to watch the show, of which he understood very little. Heechul thought it was very funny, though, and when Hankyung caught himself for the third time watching Heechul's profile as he laughed, he came to the conclusion that something very strange was going on. He had no idea what was going on -- he had a very good idea of what it could be -- and it was beginning to disarm him. He'd been aware that Heechul was attractive, had noticed that much from the very first meeting, but ever since the incident by the lake, something had shifted. Heechul hadn't changed and Hankyung couldn't place his finger on it, he was just aware of it, inside himself.
Heechul's phone rang, and he answered it cheerfully, nothing forced about it though he didn't look at Sungmin as he did so. "We're in one of the common rooms," he said. "The smallest one, yeah. What? Oh, fine." He hung up and turned to the others. "Everyone's back, they're in the large room down the hall." He paused, and then continued in a softer voice. "Eeteuk says they've got some news."
"Oh," said Sungmin slowly, and he stood up, ice cream bowl held in his hands. He hadn't eaten any of it. He looked at the bottom of it, and then at Heechul. "Can you tell them that I'm lying down? Say that I got a headache and so that's why we came back early."
"Sungmin, you can't run away from him."
"I'm not." Sungmin shook his head emphamatically. "It's just that I can't see them and act like I'm happy for them right now."
In the end, Sungmin really did go back to his room, and so just the three of them ended up down the hall, where Kyuhyun was playing a video game with Donghae, although he was sitting closely to Zhou Mi on the sofa. Zhou Mi was grinning like an idiot. When they entered, he looked up, and then looked directly at Heechul. Heechul nodded firmly, and then turned to Hankyung and Siwon. "He wants to talk to us," he said. "You two, come with me."
Now they were back in the room that they had just left, and Zhou Mi sat down nervously on the edge of a table. "How is Sungmin-hyung?" he asked.
"You knew, didn't you?" Heechul looked at him with level stare.
Zhou Mi nodded. "I don't think he was there when -- I think he must have walked in on us. I could just suddenly feel all this emotion." He shivered. "It was awful, I don't ever want to -- no one should ever feel like that, I think."
"No, they shouldn't," agreed Heechul. "But I didn't mean just then. You knew how Sungmin felt even before today."
Zhou Mi tipped his head from side to side, deliberating. "Yes," he said finally. "I got senses sometimes. But I liked Kui Xian too, and it's not my fault if -- if he likes me back."
"Did you know he did?"
"No, he keeps his emotions well guarded." Zhou Mi grinned. "Well, I guess I know why now."
"Fine," said Heechul, and then shook his head. "Well, I don't know what I was going to do about any of this, because, like you said, it's not your fault he likes you back. It just all seems a little unfair on Sungmin. He'll get over it."
"I didn't mean to hurt him," said Zhou Mi sincerely.
"My god, I hate this," said Heechul. "Why am I always the one sorting everyone else out. Surely this is Eeteuk's job. Fixing doors, stopping suicidal idiots, comforting heartbroken dongsaengs." He turned to Hankyung and pointed imperiously at him. "Just so you know, I hate people who are blind to what's going on around them."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Hankyung, except he really thought that he did.
...............................................................
They were eating breakfast when Zhou Mi came running into the hall, the widest grin any of them had ever seen on his face; it looked a little like his face was going to split in half. Then he practically threw himself at Kyuhyun, hugging him so hard that Kyuhyun nearly toppled off his seat, taking the two of them to the floor -- luckily, he caught himself, and just hit Zhou Mi on the back in retaliation. "What the hell?" he asked. "What's wrong with you, you idiot?"
Zhou Mi pulled back, still grinning, though his eyes seemed too bright, like he was struggling to hold back tears. "They found one," he said.
"Found one what?" Everyone was staring in confusion now.
"A donor," said Zhou Mi, a small amount of hysterical laughter in his voice. "A donor for my sister! She's going to be fine, she's going to -- get better!" There was a pause and then:
"That's brilliant!" said Kyuhyun, and everyone was crowding around to offer their congratulations, relief washing over them; even if they hadn't really been aware of it, his sister's fate had been hanging over their heads, no one wanting to bring up what they thought would happen to her, none of them strong enough to confront what they had somehow seen as Zhou Mi's own delusions. "I guess you really are psychic," said Kyuhyun with a grin, and Zhou Mi laughed happily.
I told you so, he said to Hankyung, who nodded, a slight smile on his face. "She might even be strong enough to come for family day," said Zhou Mi brightly, and that wiped the smile off Hankyung's face.
"Family day?" he asked, but it went unheard.
"I wouldn't get too confident so soon," said Kyuhyun. "She'll still be weak, and family day is only in a month."
"What's family day?" asked Hankyung desperately.
"I'd like to see her still," said Zhou Mi. "Last time, she was -- she wasn't well."
"You'll be able to visit her in the holidays," said Eeteuk comfortingly. "That's only a few months more and she should be recovering well by then."
"Guys," said Hankyung loudly. "What's family day?"
"Family day?" Eeteuk blinked at him. "Don't you know about that?"
"I have no idea what it is," said Hankyung, but he knew he didn't like the sound of it.
"It's when our families come to visit us for a weekend to see how we're getting on at school," said Eeteuk.
"Even though it's called 'day'," added Yehsung.
"It happens twice a year, the first one of this year is in exactly a month."
"Oh," said Hankyung, heart sinking.
"It's usually fun, they stay in the school and we get to go into town with them."
"I'm not sure my parents can afford to fly over," said Hankyung uneasily.
"The school pays for travel," said Heechul bluntly. Hankyung looked up to see Heechul giving him a searching look, and he flushed a little and looked away.
"They own a dumpling shop," he muttered. "Not sure they'll be able to leave it for a whole weekend."
"Huh," said Heechul, and seemed to lose interest.
"Oh, okay," said Eeteuk, blinking, clearly not really getting it but deciding to just leave it. Hankyung poked miserably at his food for the meal, the prospect of something like a family day playing heavy on his mind. It was all very well and good for the others around him, who would no doubt be greeted happily by their parents, whom they hadn't seen for a few months. His own family reunion would not be nearly so joyous. A slight amount of resentment started to build in his stomach, which he fought hard against and finally managed to box down; he knew that he could not blame them for his misfortune. By the time they were walking across to class, he'd decided to just accidently-on-purpose forget about family day, in the hope that it got too close to be able to arrange a flight for his parents.
In class, his bad mood only worsened. Professor Park seemed to have it in for him today, calling on him for all the answers. Even a drawing that Heechul covertly passed as the teacher wrote on the board of her being eaten by crocodiles didn't do much to improve how Hankyung was feeling.
"Hankyung," said Professor Park, and Hankyung looked up at her, full of trepidation. "What is the third person plural subjunctive of this word?" And she wrote some symbols on the board that Hankyung could read the pronunciation of but not understand the meaning of. Hankyung frowned at her.
"Um," he said. "I'm sorry, I don't know."
"My god, you really are an idiot." Professor Park seemed to take great pleasure in saying so, and Hankyung turned a deep red and looked down at his textbook, feeling more miserable than he had in quite some time.
"Professor?" Eeteuk spoke up, polite but with an undercurrent of steel in his voice. "There isn't a third person plural subjunctive of that word."
"I know that," said Professor Park. "That's obvious, he should have known that."
"You stupid woman!" exploded Heechul, banging his pen down on his table. "He's Chinese, how the hell is he even supposed to know that?"
"Detention, Heechul-shi," snapped Professor Park.
"My god, you really are an idiot," said Kangin and Yehsung simultaneously, in imitation of Professor Park. She glared at them.
"Both of you, detention also," she said in a low, angry voice. "I have never been so offended by a class before. Be glad I'm not taking this up with the Head teacher."
"I'd like to see you try," muttered Heechul, loudly enough that everyone could hear but quietly enough that Professor Park could do nothing about it. The remaining half hour of the lesson was spent in a sullen silence, and the bell for lunch was accompanied by a sigh of relief, as Professor Park swept angrily out of the room. "Stupid bitch," Heechul said after she had left.
"Sorry," said Hankyung softly as they left the classroom for the dining hall on the first floor.
"It's not your fault," said Eeteuk. "She was being ridiculously hard on you."
"I don't understand what she could possibly have against you, though," said Yehsung. "You barely even make yourself known in lessons, she couldn't possibly be angry at you for something."
"She's sexually repressed in some way," said Heechul, in a tone of great knowledge. "Or, you know, this is just her usual cheerful self. I don't even understand why she works at this school."
"I'm sure she has her reasons," said Eeteuk, though he didn't sound sure.
"She doesn't have mutant powers," said Heechul to Hankyung. "She's a perfectly normal human, who somehow ended up here. Rumour has it that she didn't realise it was a mutant school when she applied, and then it was too late. You get the feeling that she doesn't even like mutants."
"Yes, well," said Eeteuk. "She's not the only one, is she?"
There was something ominous in the way he said this that made the others fall silently uneasingly, though Hankyung didn't really understand why. It wasn't until they joined the others in the dining hall that anyone said anything else.
"I'll be late tonight," said Heechul, slipping into a seat next to Siwon and helping himself to some food. "I've got detention after control lessons." He sounded quite proud.
"So have I," said Kangin, next to Kibum.
"Me too," said Yehsung cheerfully, sitting next to Ryeowook, who looked disappointed.
"Hyung," he said softly.
"What did you do to get detention?" asked Siwon; he too sounded disappointed.
"Bitched Park out," said Heechul. Sungmin suddenly looked happier than he had since the news of Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi getting together had broken.
"Good," he said. "The woman is a complete monster."
"She was picking on Hankyung," said Kangin. "So we called her on it. She wasn't very happy."
"You were awfully rude," said Eeteuk doubtfully. "I don't think I'll manage to get you off detention tonight."
"I don't want you to," said Heechul. "We're like martyrs for our cause, punished for fighting against corruption in the school."
"She's always been fine with us," said Ryeowook. "Our class has never had a problem." Kyuhyun coughed and pointed to Henry, who was oblivious, clearly not really understanding any of the conversation. "Oh," said Ryeowook.
"I wish we had Henry in our class," said Shindong sadly. "It would make dealing with Park much easier."
"Sometimes her true colours show through," said Kyuhyun. "Henry can't hold it for too long."
Henry looked up then, hearing his name, glanced at them all and paused with thoughtful eyes on Hankyung. "Ge," he said cautiously. "You're -- it's all a bit--"
"Just a bad day, Henry," said Hankyung, attempting a smile. "Nothing to worry about, seriously." After looking at him carefully, Henry nodded and turned back to his meal. Hankyung wasn't hungry; he quite badly just wanted to go back to his bedroom and possibly even sleep; he felt exhausted. Unfortunately, he had to struggle through the afternoon and then control lessons, where Hyori did not care one bit about his bad mood.
"Come on," she said, putting yet another plant in front of him, his third that half hour alone. "You're close to a breakthrough."
"I'm not," said Hankyung angrily, resisting the urge to swipe the plant off the table dramatically. "I've been trying for three weeks, and I've made so little progress that I might as well had made no progress at all. I might as well just return to being a shut in and get over this stupid attempt at controlling what can't be controlled." And then he ducked, and the golf ball that Heechul had been controlling shot over his head.
"Damn it," he heard Heechul say behind him. Hankyung sat up -- and received a blow from Hyori instead.
"For god's sake!" said Hankyung, but was ignored.
"Do it," said Hyori, and walked off to scold Heechul for trying to hit Hankyung, which seemed to dissolve into a thoughtful wondering as to whether Heechul could control darts already in motion.
By the end of the lesson, he had killed seven plants, made no progress, and had a headache on top of that. The only thing he counted himself lucky on was that Eeteuk stayed behind to help Hyori tidy up, and that the others all rushed off to detention, so he was able to walk up to the school alone and in silence, being as miserable as he possibly could. He didn't meet anyone, finally got to his bedroom, and fell asleep, only waking up when the bell for dinner went.
He still felt tired, and not hungry in the slightest, but he had the feeling that the others were using meal times as check times for him -- despite his protesting, there was a definite sense of him being under constant 'suicide watch' -- and so he dragged himself out of bed, tried to sort of his hair out, and tripped down to the dining hall, where everyone else already was.
"Enjoy your nap?" asked Kyuhyun with a wry smirk as he sat down, rather heavily, next to Siwon. Siwon looked at him nervously.
"I thought I'd woken you up," he said. "I accidently pulled one of the handles off the wardrobe door when I was getting something more comfortable to change into, but you didn't even stir." It was only then that Hankyung realised he was still in his uniform, tie and everything. He noticed it with a vagueness, reached up to take his tie off, but then didn't really feel like doing anything else about it.
"You really were out for the count," said Sungmin. "Siwon asked me to check on you for him because he was scared you were dead or something."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's why he asked you," said Donghae to Eunhyuk, whispering. Sungmin didn't hear it, but Siwon did, and looked like he wanted to hit Donghae quite badly but was fearful of breaking bones if he did so.
Hankyung smothered a yawn and then shook his head as Ryeowook offered him the plate of kimchi. "I'm not feeling too hungry," he said, and rubbed his eyes. "I'm going to go back to bed, if that's okay."
Everyone nodded, and he noted absently that they all looked a little worried though he had no idea why; he was just tired, not used to the hectic schedule of school just yet. He left the dining hall, climbed the stairs to his floor and was walking along the hallway when he stopped, suddenly feeling very, very dizzy.
Heechul and Sungmin left before everyone else, neither of them really in the mood for the large group down below. Heechul had a headache after control and then detention with Park, who had made them write letters of apology, and he'd found it incredibly difficult to come across as sincere in his. Sungmin still wasn't too happy being around Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi.
"It's not that I don't feel happy for them," he explained to Heechul as they climbed the stairs. "It's just that right now, my own disappointment drowns any congratulatory feelings out."
"Seasoning thinks that you're angry with him, though," said Heechul. "He's quite, I don't know, he's upset at the thought of hurting you like that."
"I keep wanting to tell him that I'm not," said Sungmin. "Because I'm not, it's just -- it's hard."
"It should be Kyuhyun you're angry with," said Heechul with a smirk. "For being supposedly so hot that two guys like him. I personally don't see what all the fuss is about, but each to their own."
"And I personally don't see what all the fuss about the new boy is all about," said Sungmin in a sing-song voice. "But each to their own."
"Oh my god, I'm not that--" Heechul broke off as he noticed said new boy sprawled on the floor by the wall, eyes close, limbs asunder. "That's not good," he said, and Sungmin finally noticed. His face went white, and then he disappeared.
Heechul ran over to Hankyung and knelt down beside him. "Oh my god, you just have to have the spotlight," he said as he first checked for a pulse, which, luckily, there was. Hankyung's skin was hot though, he was clearly running a fever of some kind. Heechul tried slapping him but there was no response. "This is so ridiculous," he said to Hankyung's unconcious body. "You should fucking say if you're feeling unwell, you stupid, silent boy."
Sungmin came sprinting up the stairs, Siwon, Eeteuk and Kangin with him. "Oh my god," Heechul heard Eeteuk say, and he waved a hand dismissively.
"He's just unwell," he said. "He hasn't -- he's got a fever, you see."
"Sungmin, get the nurse," said Eeteuk, and Sungmin disappeared again. "Siwon, get Hankyung."
Siwon easily scooped Hankyung up, the older boy's head lolling back; it did look rather terrifying, Heechul had to admit. Siwon looked like he didn't have a clue what he was doing. "He's just ill," Heechul said forcefully.
"I know," said Eeteuk soothingly, like he was trying to comfort Heechul, who had only said it to reassure Siwon; he had to admit it had come out a little harsher than he'd expected. He wasn'tworried about Hankyung at all, he wasn't, he just--
"This is what he gets for being a shut in," he said, hurrying after Siwon taking Hankyung back to his bedroom. "And I'll be sure to tell him so when he wakes up."
Which, in fact, he did. It was the first thing Hankyung heard when he woke up, Heechul's voice saying, "Oh good, there you are. This is your own fault for being a shut in."
Hankyung just groaned and shut his eyes again, a steady rhythm pounding out behind his eyes. "Am I dead?" he asked, voice so hoarse that it was barely there. That actually really, really hurt.
"No," said Heechul. "Which is a good thing, rejoice."
"I feel like I'm dying."
"You aren't," said Eeteuk's voice. Hankyung struggled to open his eyes and found that most everyone was sitting or standing in his bedroom, looking at him with expressions of varying degrees of worry. Heechul looked completely blank; Ryeowook looked like he was about to burst into tears. Eeteuk had a look of someone who was trying to not show how worried he actually was. "You just got ill, that's all."
"I...got ill?" Hankyung asked blankly. "But I never get ill."
"Yeah," said Heechul, drawing the word out. "Because you never used to go outside. Now you're at a school, and this place is full of nasty things, like the common cold, which you seem to have contracted. Only you aren't happy being normal, and so it turned into flu."
"People die from that," said Hankyung. "I know, I read about it."
"For god's sake," said Kangin. "You aren't dying."
"Ow," said Zhou Mi, and winced. "Your head hurts to be in," he said sheepishly. Kyuhyun nudged him with his shoulder.
"Don't go in his head," he said. "We need some sort of a muzzle for your mind."
"But Kui Xian!" said Zhou Mi, pouting.
"Shut up," said Kyuhyun.
Hankyung lay still. Even though they told him that he wasn't dying, he still felt like he was. His body was heavy, aching, in agony. "Urgh," he said after trying to lift his arm, and then fell still, vowing to never move again. He shut his eyes, the light making them sting. "I think he's gone to sleep again," said Donghae.
"No, I haven't," said Hankyung quietly.
"We'll let you sleep," said Eeteuk soothingly, and then there was five minutes of the sounds of people leaving: some, like Donghae and Zhou Mi, didn't want to, and let Eeteuk know rather loudly, but eventually there was silence and Hankyung thought he was finally alone. He was wrong.
"You know you collapsed?" said Heechul. "It would have been kind of awesome if it wasn't so pathetic."
"Hyung," said Siwon wearily.
Hankyung opened his eyes again and tried to struggle upright, his body screaming in protest. Siwon eventually came and helped him, and once he was more or less sitting up, lying bonelessly against the pillow, he looked around at who was still left in the room. Heechul was rolling his eyes at him, no doubt taking his inability to get upright by himself as a sign that he was being dramatic when really he just could barely move. Siwon looked worried, hovering by the side of the bed in case he could possibly be of some more help. Sungmin was sitting in the alcove by the window, staring sadly out of the window at the rain. Hankyung wanted to point out that Sungmin was being much more melodramatic than he was, but couldn't quite find the strength.
"You were out for almost two days," said Siwon. "The doctor said that you were still just recovering but we were all started to get worried."
"I wasn't," said Heechul haughtily. "Just for the record."
"Sorry," said Hankyung, speaking softer as his throat ached and his eyes grew heavier.
"It's not your fault," said Siwon in surprise. "Everyone gets ill sometimes."
There was a pause. "I think he's actually asleep this time," said Heechul, and there was no denial from Hankyung this time. Heechul sighed, and then turned to Sungmin. "For God's sake," he said. "I've only just managed to get him to stop being emo, don't tell me you're starting up now."
"Wah," said Sungmin, and tried to smile but it was weak.
The next time Hankyung woke up, Henry was the only other person in the room; Hankyung had no idea about how long he had slept for, but he had a definite sense that surely people should be in class. "Isn't the sick bay supposed to be quarantined?" he asked, and Henry looked up joyfully from his book.
"You're awake!" he said, Chinese as usual. "And yes, it is -- the doctor put a--" he stopped and thought for a minute. "Bubble? Is that how you say it? A bubble around the bed."
"Oh," said Hankyung, not really understanding. His throat at least felt a little better, and his limbs were not nearly so heavy. "What time is it?"
"Seven o'clock," said Henry. "Evening. You were asleep for another day."
"I think I should get these days back," said Hankyung, annoyed. It wasn't half so hard to pull himself upright this time. Henry closed his book and pulled his chair closer to the bed.
"I'm sorry," he said anxiously. "I should have realised that you were ill, it was just all a bit confusing. I was so focused on the large grey bits that I didn't pay attention to the brown creeping in around the edges."
"I did feel really depressed that day," said Hankyung softly. "I'm not sure how much of it was due to the illness."
"A lot of it, I bet," said Henry. "You really did seem to be quite happy -- happier than you had been -- which is why the grey seemed so strange to me."
"Henry," said Hankyung impulsively. "Will your parents be coming for Family Day?"
Henry frowned a little at the surprise question, before finally making sense of it. "Yeah," he said, smiling happily. "I don't get to go home for most of the holidays so they always come see me for Family Day."
"Oh," said Hankyung.
"Are you--"
The door swung open, Heechul stepping through. "Henry, you can go get dinner now," he said, and then finally looked up. "Oh, you're awake. Ew, now I have to actually talk to him."
"We're taking it in turns to sit with you," explained Henry brightly.
"Argh," said Hankyung in Chinese. "Why would you torture me with him, isn't being ill enough?"
Henry grinned, and reached out and seemed to swirl his finger in something in the air around Hankyung, who vaguely wondered what had happened to the bubble around the bed. "Pink," said Henry.
"Go away," said Hankyung. "Get lost, I don't want to talk to you."
Henry laughed and then left, saying a cheerful, albeit highly accented goodbye to Heechul as he went. Heechul stared after him and then turned to Hankyung. "What was that about?" he asked.
"Nothing," said Hankyung. Heechul twisted his mouth, clearly knowing that it was something, but chose not to say anything for once. He took the seat that Henry had vacated and looked at Hankyung scrutinisingly. "What?" asked Hankyung.
"Do you feel any better?" Heechul asked, suddenly quite serious. "I mean, you did collapse, so we all sort of knew it was serious, but you were -- you were asleep for such a long time."
"I feel a lot better," Hankyung said, unsure of what to make of the atmosphere. "Why didn't Hyori just cure me?" he asked, trying to make a joke. Heechul did actually smile faintly.
"She doesn't like hopeless cases like yours," he said, and then; "No, she doesn't like healing students of diseases and anything non life-threatening. It makes sense: if she just keeps healing us, we won't build up any sort of resistance of our own." There was a pause. "We did ask though," he added.
"I really hate that woman," said Hankyung.
"No, you don't," said Heechul, and he stood up and went over to the window. "You actually really, really like her, don't you?"
"Well, yeah," said Hankyung, not too sure where this was going. "I mean, compared to Park, Hyori's like my most favourite person in the whole world."
"Park was pissed that you weren't in," said Heechul, turning around and smirking at him. "I think she's taken it as a personal insult, I'd be prepared for harsh words when you return."
Hankyung was silent. The incident with Park seemed so long ago -- well, he supposed it had been three days. It seemed vague and dreamlike; he remembered how weird he had felt that day, how he had put it down to those dark feelings resurfacing again, when really, it had been the start of some sort of illness. Strange, really, how he couldn't tell the difference. Then, suddenly, he remembered something.
"Heechul?" he said softly, and Heechul sat back down and looked at him curiously. "You know when we were talking about Park and how she didn't seem to like mutants? Eeteuk said something about her not being the only one. What did he mean?"
"You don't know?" said Heechul, and then made a noise of understanding. "Oh, I keep forgetting you never went out. I have never met someone so ignorant."
"Bring Henry back, please," said Hankyung, and Heechul glared at him, before settling back and sighing.
"There's this group," he said. "Extremists, I guess you could call them. Fuckers, I prefer to say, but whatever name you give them, they're idiotic, prejudiced bastards. They hate mutants. They think that we should be -- tagged, in some way. Like we're out of control animals." He crossed one leg over the other, making a show of how calm he was being. "The Government ignores them, of course. Some of the Government are mutants, we're not animals or freaks." Here he looked pointedly at Hankyung, who squirmed inside; Heechul clearly remembered Hankyung calling himself a freak that one time. "We're just, different, I guess."
"If the Government ignores them, what's the problem?"
"They've begun to take matters into their own hands," said Heechul, voice getting softer. "The way the ecomony is now, they place the blame on us, and they've begun to gain some support. There have been -- incidents. It seems like one of their supporters killed a couple of mutants in Seoul. It's all getting a bit intense. A few kids here, they're starting to get scared."
"Are you scared?"
Heechul shook his head slowly. "I'm not scared inside the school. Outside the school, even just in the town, there's always this -- it's something in the back of my mind, like I know that we could be at risk. If they're going to attack anyone, we're almost easy targets. We're nothing more than kids, really, and we're still learning to control our powers. We haven't yet grown into the ones that they're scared of -- because that's why they hate us, because they fear us -- and so they will probably attack us, if no one else."
"I didn't think going into town could be so dangerous," said Hankyung with a frown. "I mean, they just let us go, didn't they?"
"You probably didn't notice," said Heechul, and there was nothing of the usual scorn in his voice at Hankyung not noticing things. "But the first years are only allowed into the town if they go with a third year student. They also need to get permission from a teacher. The first years in our group, they can all pretty much get permission whenever they like, thanks to Eeteuk, and you saw how Siwon came with me, Henry went with Eeteuk, and Kibum went with Yehsung. Of course, Kyuhyun doesn't pay attention to the rule, but then he's got almost perfect control, he doesn't need someone to fight for him."
"Siwon doesn't need anyone to fight for him, either," said Hankyung, attempting a joke but it was more of a mumble as he lay back, the room suddenly beginning to spin, head aching. The next bit was sincere though. "And neither do you, I don't think."
"You're falling asleep," noted Heechul in a wry tone. Hankyung mumbled something under his breath, already half gone. Then he opened his eyes for a second and squinted at Heechul.
"You'll still be here, won't you?" he asked, and then he was asleep, his illness claiming him once again. Heechul sighed in a put upon kind of way.
"Yeah," he said, to the room at large as he reached into a drawer on the bed side table and pulled out the book he had been reading during his turn to wait for Hankyung to wake up, his turn being after every other person, self inflicted. "I'll still be here."
Zhou Mi pulled back, still grinning, though his eyes seemed too bright, like he was struggling to hold back tears. "They found one," he said.
"Found one what?" Everyone was staring in confusion now.
"A donor," said Zhou Mi, a small amount of hysterical laughter in his voice. "A donor for my sister! She's going to be fine, she's going to -- get better!" There was a pause and then:
"That's brilliant!" said Kyuhyun, and everyone was crowding around to offer their congratulations, relief washing over them; even if they hadn't really been aware of it, his sister's fate had been hanging over their heads, no one wanting to bring up what they thought would happen to her, none of them strong enough to confront what they had somehow seen as Zhou Mi's own delusions. "I guess you really are psychic," said Kyuhyun with a grin, and Zhou Mi laughed happily.
I told you so, he said to Hankyung, who nodded, a slight smile on his face. "She might even be strong enough to come for family day," said Zhou Mi brightly, and that wiped the smile off Hankyung's face.
"Family day?" he asked, but it went unheard.
"I wouldn't get too confident so soon," said Kyuhyun. "She'll still be weak, and family day is only in a month."
"What's family day?" asked Hankyung desperately.
"I'd like to see her still," said Zhou Mi. "Last time, she was -- she wasn't well."
"You'll be able to visit her in the holidays," said Eeteuk comfortingly. "That's only a few months more and she should be recovering well by then."
"Guys," said Hankyung loudly. "What's family day?"
"Family day?" Eeteuk blinked at him. "Don't you know about that?"
"I have no idea what it is," said Hankyung, but he knew he didn't like the sound of it.
"It's when our families come to visit us for a weekend to see how we're getting on at school," said Eeteuk.
"Even though it's called 'day'," added Yehsung.
"It happens twice a year, the first one of this year is in exactly a month."
"Oh," said Hankyung, heart sinking.
"It's usually fun, they stay in the school and we get to go into town with them."
"I'm not sure my parents can afford to fly over," said Hankyung uneasily.
"The school pays for travel," said Heechul bluntly. Hankyung looked up to see Heechul giving him a searching look, and he flushed a little and looked away.
"They own a dumpling shop," he muttered. "Not sure they'll be able to leave it for a whole weekend."
"Huh," said Heechul, and seemed to lose interest.
"Oh, okay," said Eeteuk, blinking, clearly not really getting it but deciding to just leave it. Hankyung poked miserably at his food for the meal, the prospect of something like a family day playing heavy on his mind. It was all very well and good for the others around him, who would no doubt be greeted happily by their parents, whom they hadn't seen for a few months. His own family reunion would not be nearly so joyous. A slight amount of resentment started to build in his stomach, which he fought hard against and finally managed to box down; he knew that he could not blame them for his misfortune. By the time they were walking across to class, he'd decided to just accidently-on-purpose forget about family day, in the hope that it got too close to be able to arrange a flight for his parents.
In class, his bad mood only worsened. Professor Park seemed to have it in for him today, calling on him for all the answers. Even a drawing that Heechul covertly passed as the teacher wrote on the board of her being eaten by crocodiles didn't do much to improve how Hankyung was feeling.
"Hankyung," said Professor Park, and Hankyung looked up at her, full of trepidation. "What is the third person plural subjunctive of this word?" And she wrote some symbols on the board that Hankyung could read the pronunciation of but not understand the meaning of. Hankyung frowned at her.
"Um," he said. "I'm sorry, I don't know."
"My god, you really are an idiot." Professor Park seemed to take great pleasure in saying so, and Hankyung turned a deep red and looked down at his textbook, feeling more miserable than he had in quite some time.
"Professor?" Eeteuk spoke up, polite but with an undercurrent of steel in his voice. "There isn't a third person plural subjunctive of that word."
"I know that," said Professor Park. "That's obvious, he should have known that."
"You stupid woman!" exploded Heechul, banging his pen down on his table. "He's Chinese, how the hell is he even supposed to know that?"
"Detention, Heechul-shi," snapped Professor Park.
"My god, you really are an idiot," said Kangin and Yehsung simultaneously, in imitation of Professor Park. She glared at them.
"Both of you, detention also," she said in a low, angry voice. "I have never been so offended by a class before. Be glad I'm not taking this up with the Head teacher."
"I'd like to see you try," muttered Heechul, loudly enough that everyone could hear but quietly enough that Professor Park could do nothing about it. The remaining half hour of the lesson was spent in a sullen silence, and the bell for lunch was accompanied by a sigh of relief, as Professor Park swept angrily out of the room. "Stupid bitch," Heechul said after she had left.
"Sorry," said Hankyung softly as they left the classroom for the dining hall on the first floor.
"It's not your fault," said Eeteuk. "She was being ridiculously hard on you."
"I don't understand what she could possibly have against you, though," said Yehsung. "You barely even make yourself known in lessons, she couldn't possibly be angry at you for something."
"She's sexually repressed in some way," said Heechul, in a tone of great knowledge. "Or, you know, this is just her usual cheerful self. I don't even understand why she works at this school."
"I'm sure she has her reasons," said Eeteuk, though he didn't sound sure.
"She doesn't have mutant powers," said Heechul to Hankyung. "She's a perfectly normal human, who somehow ended up here. Rumour has it that she didn't realise it was a mutant school when she applied, and then it was too late. You get the feeling that she doesn't even like mutants."
"Yes, well," said Eeteuk. "She's not the only one, is she?"
There was something ominous in the way he said this that made the others fall silently uneasingly, though Hankyung didn't really understand why. It wasn't until they joined the others in the dining hall that anyone said anything else.
"I'll be late tonight," said Heechul, slipping into a seat next to Siwon and helping himself to some food. "I've got detention after control lessons." He sounded quite proud.
"So have I," said Kangin, next to Kibum.
"Me too," said Yehsung cheerfully, sitting next to Ryeowook, who looked disappointed.
"Hyung," he said softly.
"What did you do to get detention?" asked Siwon; he too sounded disappointed.
"Bitched Park out," said Heechul. Sungmin suddenly looked happier than he had since the news of Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi getting together had broken.
"Good," he said. "The woman is a complete monster."
"She was picking on Hankyung," said Kangin. "So we called her on it. She wasn't very happy."
"You were awfully rude," said Eeteuk doubtfully. "I don't think I'll manage to get you off detention tonight."
"I don't want you to," said Heechul. "We're like martyrs for our cause, punished for fighting against corruption in the school."
"She's always been fine with us," said Ryeowook. "Our class has never had a problem." Kyuhyun coughed and pointed to Henry, who was oblivious, clearly not really understanding any of the conversation. "Oh," said Ryeowook.
"I wish we had Henry in our class," said Shindong sadly. "It would make dealing with Park much easier."
"Sometimes her true colours show through," said Kyuhyun. "Henry can't hold it for too long."
Henry looked up then, hearing his name, glanced at them all and paused with thoughtful eyes on Hankyung. "Ge," he said cautiously. "You're -- it's all a bit--"
"Just a bad day, Henry," said Hankyung, attempting a smile. "Nothing to worry about, seriously." After looking at him carefully, Henry nodded and turned back to his meal. Hankyung wasn't hungry; he quite badly just wanted to go back to his bedroom and possibly even sleep; he felt exhausted. Unfortunately, he had to struggle through the afternoon and then control lessons, where Hyori did not care one bit about his bad mood.
"Come on," she said, putting yet another plant in front of him, his third that half hour alone. "You're close to a breakthrough."
"I'm not," said Hankyung angrily, resisting the urge to swipe the plant off the table dramatically. "I've been trying for three weeks, and I've made so little progress that I might as well had made no progress at all. I might as well just return to being a shut in and get over this stupid attempt at controlling what can't be controlled." And then he ducked, and the golf ball that Heechul had been controlling shot over his head.
"Damn it," he heard Heechul say behind him. Hankyung sat up -- and received a blow from Hyori instead.
"For god's sake!" said Hankyung, but was ignored.
"Do it," said Hyori, and walked off to scold Heechul for trying to hit Hankyung, which seemed to dissolve into a thoughtful wondering as to whether Heechul could control darts already in motion.
By the end of the lesson, he had killed seven plants, made no progress, and had a headache on top of that. The only thing he counted himself lucky on was that Eeteuk stayed behind to help Hyori tidy up, and that the others all rushed off to detention, so he was able to walk up to the school alone and in silence, being as miserable as he possibly could. He didn't meet anyone, finally got to his bedroom, and fell asleep, only waking up when the bell for dinner went.
He still felt tired, and not hungry in the slightest, but he had the feeling that the others were using meal times as check times for him -- despite his protesting, there was a definite sense of him being under constant 'suicide watch' -- and so he dragged himself out of bed, tried to sort of his hair out, and tripped down to the dining hall, where everyone else already was.
"Enjoy your nap?" asked Kyuhyun with a wry smirk as he sat down, rather heavily, next to Siwon. Siwon looked at him nervously.
"I thought I'd woken you up," he said. "I accidently pulled one of the handles off the wardrobe door when I was getting something more comfortable to change into, but you didn't even stir." It was only then that Hankyung realised he was still in his uniform, tie and everything. He noticed it with a vagueness, reached up to take his tie off, but then didn't really feel like doing anything else about it.
"You really were out for the count," said Sungmin. "Siwon asked me to check on you for him because he was scared you were dead or something."
"Yeah, I'm sure that's why he asked you," said Donghae to Eunhyuk, whispering. Sungmin didn't hear it, but Siwon did, and looked like he wanted to hit Donghae quite badly but was fearful of breaking bones if he did so.
Hankyung smothered a yawn and then shook his head as Ryeowook offered him the plate of kimchi. "I'm not feeling too hungry," he said, and rubbed his eyes. "I'm going to go back to bed, if that's okay."
Everyone nodded, and he noted absently that they all looked a little worried though he had no idea why; he was just tired, not used to the hectic schedule of school just yet. He left the dining hall, climbed the stairs to his floor and was walking along the hallway when he stopped, suddenly feeling very, very dizzy.
Heechul and Sungmin left before everyone else, neither of them really in the mood for the large group down below. Heechul had a headache after control and then detention with Park, who had made them write letters of apology, and he'd found it incredibly difficult to come across as sincere in his. Sungmin still wasn't too happy being around Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi.
"It's not that I don't feel happy for them," he explained to Heechul as they climbed the stairs. "It's just that right now, my own disappointment drowns any congratulatory feelings out."
"Seasoning thinks that you're angry with him, though," said Heechul. "He's quite, I don't know, he's upset at the thought of hurting you like that."
"I keep wanting to tell him that I'm not," said Sungmin. "Because I'm not, it's just -- it's hard."
"It should be Kyuhyun you're angry with," said Heechul with a smirk. "For being supposedly so hot that two guys like him. I personally don't see what all the fuss is about, but each to their own."
"And I personally don't see what all the fuss about the new boy is all about," said Sungmin in a sing-song voice. "But each to their own."
"Oh my god, I'm not that--" Heechul broke off as he noticed said new boy sprawled on the floor by the wall, eyes close, limbs asunder. "That's not good," he said, and Sungmin finally noticed. His face went white, and then he disappeared.
Heechul ran over to Hankyung and knelt down beside him. "Oh my god, you just have to have the spotlight," he said as he first checked for a pulse, which, luckily, there was. Hankyung's skin was hot though, he was clearly running a fever of some kind. Heechul tried slapping him but there was no response. "This is so ridiculous," he said to Hankyung's unconcious body. "You should fucking say if you're feeling unwell, you stupid, silent boy."
Sungmin came sprinting up the stairs, Siwon, Eeteuk and Kangin with him. "Oh my god," Heechul heard Eeteuk say, and he waved a hand dismissively.
"He's just unwell," he said. "He hasn't -- he's got a fever, you see."
"Sungmin, get the nurse," said Eeteuk, and Sungmin disappeared again. "Siwon, get Hankyung."
Siwon easily scooped Hankyung up, the older boy's head lolling back; it did look rather terrifying, Heechul had to admit. Siwon looked like he didn't have a clue what he was doing. "He's just ill," Heechul said forcefully.
"I know," said Eeteuk soothingly, like he was trying to comfort Heechul, who had only said it to reassure Siwon; he had to admit it had come out a little harsher than he'd expected. He wasn'tworried about Hankyung at all, he wasn't, he just--
"This is what he gets for being a shut in," he said, hurrying after Siwon taking Hankyung back to his bedroom. "And I'll be sure to tell him so when he wakes up."
Which, in fact, he did. It was the first thing Hankyung heard when he woke up, Heechul's voice saying, "Oh good, there you are. This is your own fault for being a shut in."
Hankyung just groaned and shut his eyes again, a steady rhythm pounding out behind his eyes. "Am I dead?" he asked, voice so hoarse that it was barely there. That actually really, really hurt.
"No," said Heechul. "Which is a good thing, rejoice."
"I feel like I'm dying."
"You aren't," said Eeteuk's voice. Hankyung struggled to open his eyes and found that most everyone was sitting or standing in his bedroom, looking at him with expressions of varying degrees of worry. Heechul looked completely blank; Ryeowook looked like he was about to burst into tears. Eeteuk had a look of someone who was trying to not show how worried he actually was. "You just got ill, that's all."
"I...got ill?" Hankyung asked blankly. "But I never get ill."
"Yeah," said Heechul, drawing the word out. "Because you never used to go outside. Now you're at a school, and this place is full of nasty things, like the common cold, which you seem to have contracted. Only you aren't happy being normal, and so it turned into flu."
"People die from that," said Hankyung. "I know, I read about it."
"For god's sake," said Kangin. "You aren't dying."
"Ow," said Zhou Mi, and winced. "Your head hurts to be in," he said sheepishly. Kyuhyun nudged him with his shoulder.
"Don't go in his head," he said. "We need some sort of a muzzle for your mind."
"But Kui Xian!" said Zhou Mi, pouting.
"Shut up," said Kyuhyun.
Hankyung lay still. Even though they told him that he wasn't dying, he still felt like he was. His body was heavy, aching, in agony. "Urgh," he said after trying to lift his arm, and then fell still, vowing to never move again. He shut his eyes, the light making them sting. "I think he's gone to sleep again," said Donghae.
"No, I haven't," said Hankyung quietly.
"We'll let you sleep," said Eeteuk soothingly, and then there was five minutes of the sounds of people leaving: some, like Donghae and Zhou Mi, didn't want to, and let Eeteuk know rather loudly, but eventually there was silence and Hankyung thought he was finally alone. He was wrong.
"You know you collapsed?" said Heechul. "It would have been kind of awesome if it wasn't so pathetic."
"Hyung," said Siwon wearily.
Hankyung opened his eyes again and tried to struggle upright, his body screaming in protest. Siwon eventually came and helped him, and once he was more or less sitting up, lying bonelessly against the pillow, he looked around at who was still left in the room. Heechul was rolling his eyes at him, no doubt taking his inability to get upright by himself as a sign that he was being dramatic when really he just could barely move. Siwon looked worried, hovering by the side of the bed in case he could possibly be of some more help. Sungmin was sitting in the alcove by the window, staring sadly out of the window at the rain. Hankyung wanted to point out that Sungmin was being much more melodramatic than he was, but couldn't quite find the strength.
"You were out for almost two days," said Siwon. "The doctor said that you were still just recovering but we were all started to get worried."
"I wasn't," said Heechul haughtily. "Just for the record."
"Sorry," said Hankyung, speaking softer as his throat ached and his eyes grew heavier.
"It's not your fault," said Siwon in surprise. "Everyone gets ill sometimes."
There was a pause. "I think he's actually asleep this time," said Heechul, and there was no denial from Hankyung this time. Heechul sighed, and then turned to Sungmin. "For God's sake," he said. "I've only just managed to get him to stop being emo, don't tell me you're starting up now."
"Wah," said Sungmin, and tried to smile but it was weak.
The next time Hankyung woke up, Henry was the only other person in the room; Hankyung had no idea about how long he had slept for, but he had a definite sense that surely people should be in class. "Isn't the sick bay supposed to be quarantined?" he asked, and Henry looked up joyfully from his book.
"You're awake!" he said, Chinese as usual. "And yes, it is -- the doctor put a--" he stopped and thought for a minute. "Bubble? Is that how you say it? A bubble around the bed."
"Oh," said Hankyung, not really understanding. His throat at least felt a little better, and his limbs were not nearly so heavy. "What time is it?"
"Seven o'clock," said Henry. "Evening. You were asleep for another day."
"I think I should get these days back," said Hankyung, annoyed. It wasn't half so hard to pull himself upright this time. Henry closed his book and pulled his chair closer to the bed.
"I'm sorry," he said anxiously. "I should have realised that you were ill, it was just all a bit confusing. I was so focused on the large grey bits that I didn't pay attention to the brown creeping in around the edges."
"I did feel really depressed that day," said Hankyung softly. "I'm not sure how much of it was due to the illness."
"A lot of it, I bet," said Henry. "You really did seem to be quite happy -- happier than you had been -- which is why the grey seemed so strange to me."
"Henry," said Hankyung impulsively. "Will your parents be coming for Family Day?"
Henry frowned a little at the surprise question, before finally making sense of it. "Yeah," he said, smiling happily. "I don't get to go home for most of the holidays so they always come see me for Family Day."
"Oh," said Hankyung.
"Are you--"
The door swung open, Heechul stepping through. "Henry, you can go get dinner now," he said, and then finally looked up. "Oh, you're awake. Ew, now I have to actually talk to him."
"We're taking it in turns to sit with you," explained Henry brightly.
"Argh," said Hankyung in Chinese. "Why would you torture me with him, isn't being ill enough?"
Henry grinned, and reached out and seemed to swirl his finger in something in the air around Hankyung, who vaguely wondered what had happened to the bubble around the bed. "Pink," said Henry.
"Go away," said Hankyung. "Get lost, I don't want to talk to you."
Henry laughed and then left, saying a cheerful, albeit highly accented goodbye to Heechul as he went. Heechul stared after him and then turned to Hankyung. "What was that about?" he asked.
"Nothing," said Hankyung. Heechul twisted his mouth, clearly knowing that it was something, but chose not to say anything for once. He took the seat that Henry had vacated and looked at Hankyung scrutinisingly. "What?" asked Hankyung.
"Do you feel any better?" Heechul asked, suddenly quite serious. "I mean, you did collapse, so we all sort of knew it was serious, but you were -- you were asleep for such a long time."
"I feel a lot better," Hankyung said, unsure of what to make of the atmosphere. "Why didn't Hyori just cure me?" he asked, trying to make a joke. Heechul did actually smile faintly.
"She doesn't like hopeless cases like yours," he said, and then; "No, she doesn't like healing students of diseases and anything non life-threatening. It makes sense: if she just keeps healing us, we won't build up any sort of resistance of our own." There was a pause. "We did ask though," he added.
"I really hate that woman," said Hankyung.
"No, you don't," said Heechul, and he stood up and went over to the window. "You actually really, really like her, don't you?"
"Well, yeah," said Hankyung, not too sure where this was going. "I mean, compared to Park, Hyori's like my most favourite person in the whole world."
"Park was pissed that you weren't in," said Heechul, turning around and smirking at him. "I think she's taken it as a personal insult, I'd be prepared for harsh words when you return."
Hankyung was silent. The incident with Park seemed so long ago -- well, he supposed it had been three days. It seemed vague and dreamlike; he remembered how weird he had felt that day, how he had put it down to those dark feelings resurfacing again, when really, it had been the start of some sort of illness. Strange, really, how he couldn't tell the difference. Then, suddenly, he remembered something.
"Heechul?" he said softly, and Heechul sat back down and looked at him curiously. "You know when we were talking about Park and how she didn't seem to like mutants? Eeteuk said something about her not being the only one. What did he mean?"
"You don't know?" said Heechul, and then made a noise of understanding. "Oh, I keep forgetting you never went out. I have never met someone so ignorant."
"Bring Henry back, please," said Hankyung, and Heechul glared at him, before settling back and sighing.
"There's this group," he said. "Extremists, I guess you could call them. Fuckers, I prefer to say, but whatever name you give them, they're idiotic, prejudiced bastards. They hate mutants. They think that we should be -- tagged, in some way. Like we're out of control animals." He crossed one leg over the other, making a show of how calm he was being. "The Government ignores them, of course. Some of the Government are mutants, we're not animals or freaks." Here he looked pointedly at Hankyung, who squirmed inside; Heechul clearly remembered Hankyung calling himself a freak that one time. "We're just, different, I guess."
"If the Government ignores them, what's the problem?"
"They've begun to take matters into their own hands," said Heechul, voice getting softer. "The way the ecomony is now, they place the blame on us, and they've begun to gain some support. There have been -- incidents. It seems like one of their supporters killed a couple of mutants in Seoul. It's all getting a bit intense. A few kids here, they're starting to get scared."
"Are you scared?"
Heechul shook his head slowly. "I'm not scared inside the school. Outside the school, even just in the town, there's always this -- it's something in the back of my mind, like I know that we could be at risk. If they're going to attack anyone, we're almost easy targets. We're nothing more than kids, really, and we're still learning to control our powers. We haven't yet grown into the ones that they're scared of -- because that's why they hate us, because they fear us -- and so they will probably attack us, if no one else."
"I didn't think going into town could be so dangerous," said Hankyung with a frown. "I mean, they just let us go, didn't they?"
"You probably didn't notice," said Heechul, and there was nothing of the usual scorn in his voice at Hankyung not noticing things. "But the first years are only allowed into the town if they go with a third year student. They also need to get permission from a teacher. The first years in our group, they can all pretty much get permission whenever they like, thanks to Eeteuk, and you saw how Siwon came with me, Henry went with Eeteuk, and Kibum went with Yehsung. Of course, Kyuhyun doesn't pay attention to the rule, but then he's got almost perfect control, he doesn't need someone to fight for him."
"Siwon doesn't need anyone to fight for him, either," said Hankyung, attempting a joke but it was more of a mumble as he lay back, the room suddenly beginning to spin, head aching. The next bit was sincere though. "And neither do you, I don't think."
"You're falling asleep," noted Heechul in a wry tone. Hankyung mumbled something under his breath, already half gone. Then he opened his eyes for a second and squinted at Heechul.
"You'll still be here, won't you?" he asked, and then he was asleep, his illness claiming him once again. Heechul sighed in a put upon kind of way.
"Yeah," he said, to the room at large as he reached into a drawer on the bed side table and pulled out the book he had been reading during his turn to wait for Hankyung to wake up, his turn being after every other person, self inflicted. "I'll still be here."
.................................................................
The news that Zhou Mi's sister was recovering well after her operation came through the day Hankyung was allowed out of the sick bay, which seemed to warrant a double celebration. Siwon stayed home with him that weekend -- he was not so recovered that he was allowed to go into town -- and the others returned with bags of sweets and other things which generally heralded a party. Although Hankyung still felt tired, he was grateful to them for making such a big thing of it, and felt happier than he had in quite some time that night.
By the next Saturday, however, the tables had turned: Siwon was now ill. It was nothing like Hankyung, just a cold, but it was enough to make him miss another Saturday in town. Stuffed up and miserable, he had nonetheless urged Heechul to go without him. Heechul had been unsure. Sungmin had then decided he could not take another weekend of bumping into Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun out on a date and had said that he would keep Siwon company. Heechul had then taken one look at Siwon's pale, but no less overjoyed, face and told, rather than asked, Hankyung that he would be going with him. To be honest, Hankyung hadn't really thought he would be going with anyone else.
"This is disgusting," said Heechul, on the bus. He looked around himself. At the back of the bus, Zhou Mi was talking excitedly about his plans more at Kyuhyun than with, not that Kyuhyun really minded; there was something about Zhou Mi that seemed to have turned him into a love-struck fool, much to everyone else's amusement. He had tried once or twice to snark back, but now contented himself with violent, rude gestures every time someone teased him.
A couple of sets in front was Donghae and Eunhyuk, Shindong and Kibum in front. Donghae was chatting to Eunhyuk, but hanging over Kibum's shoulders and looking back in order to talk. Kibum was staring out of the window, but every so often he'd reach up and run his hand down Donghae's arm, which caused Donghae to break from his conversation and murmur something into his ear, grinning, every time.
Yehsung and Ryeowook were sitting awkwardly next to one another, looking very much like the two people on a first date that they were. Yehsung had asked Ryeowook out that Wednesday, secretely, but Zhou Mi had soon found out due to their excitement and he'd exclaimed very loudly when they walked into the room, embarrassing the two and gaining a hit over the head from Kyuhyun. Now they both looked like they didn't know what to say to each other -- but seemed rather excited nonetheless.
Kangin was fussing over Eeteuk, as per usual. There had been an incident the day before where one of the first years had run down the corridor and had bumped into Eeteuk, causing no end of worrying as it seemed that Eeteuk had broken his arm. It had fractured a little, meaning it was now in a light cast, and Kangin had terrified the kid by yelling at him. Kangin had barely let Eeteuk out of his sight since.
"Look at them," said Heechul, motioning. "It's sickening. And my god, you should have seen Siwon's face when Sungmin turned up at your room, saying that he'd sit in there with him." He tried to imitate Siwon's face and then waved his hand dismissively. "You'd think Christmas had come early or something."
Hankyung, however, thought there was something kind of nice about the whole thing. "It's, I don't know." He glanced at Heechul. "Don't you want something like that?"
Heechul snorted. "I had the guy who thought that a relationship meant calling me all the time and telling me that he loved me constantly and who thought I should spend all my time with him. It gets very old, very quick." A shadow passed over his face quickly. "Very old," he said softly.
"You think that's what will happen with them?" Hankyung asked, motioned to the others. Heechul shrugged.
"I hope not, but you never know, do you?" He elbowed Hankyung as he lifted one leg onto the seat. "Nobody really knows what will happen in the future."
"A school full of mutants and not one of them is psychic," said Hankyung with a sigh, and Heechul laughed a little. Hankyung looked quickly at the floor, because the stupid smile on his face was no doubt telling.
Heechul was distracted somehow in town, not really aware of where he wanted to go next or quite why he was in town. Hankyung guessed that his mind was on what was happening back at the school, and sure enough, when they sat down in the square with some lunch, pre-packed lunchboxes from a shop down the street, Heechul stopped suddenly and said, "I wonder how Sungmin and Siwon are getting on."
"Fine, probably," said Hankyung, who didn't stop eating because he was starving. "Siwon probably fell asleep, I remember what it felt like."
"In which case, Sungmin would have left him to it," said Heechul. "Damn it, Siwon's only chance and he's ill."
There seemed to be something bitter in his voice, something Hankyung couldn't quite place, but then Heechul continued eating and it wasn't until they'd both almost finished until Heechul spoke again. "We're getting looked at."
"It will be your stunning good lucks, I expect," said Hankyung, dumping his empty container in the bin next to him. Heechul shook his head a little, face tense.
"No, it's not that." He leant in under the pretence of pointing to something on the ground. "Over by the corner, a group of boys. The group where the tallest is wearing a red jacket."
Hankyung glanced over to where he was talking about, and saw a group of around five boys, who looked to be the same age. The tallest in the red jacket had a mean, angry look about him, as he glared at the two. "What do we do?" Hankyung asked. Heechul handed him his own container, which Hankyung disposed of.
"Nothing," said Heechul. "Though I'd like to get out of here as soon as possible."
"Right," said Hankyung, and stood up. He was still fairly new to this whole society thing, and all he could really do was trust that Heechul knew where trouble was likely to be found, and if Heechul wanted to get out of there, then Hankyung wanted to too. Unfortunately, as he stood up, the taller boy motioned to his friends and they started forward. Hankyung looked desperately back at Heechul, who stood up slowly, a wide smile on his face.
"Act normal," he said quietly, picked up his bags, and then turned to walk away. Hankyung made to follow him.
"Oi!" shouted an angry voice, ugly in tone. "Oi, you two!"
Heechul stopped, his back stiffening. Hankyung turned back to the boys who were still coming closer, and opened his mouth, but couldn't seem to think of what to say. Luckily, Heechul caught himself. "Yeah?" His tone was bored, indifferent. "Sorry, do I know you?"
"No, of course you don't," said red-jacket, stopping in front of them, his group a little behind; there was a definite sense of them being back-up. He was well-built, around Hankyung's size but looked to weigh double, with a shaven head. There was a symbol on his arm, some sort of lightning bolt inside a circle, something Hankyung saw Heechul glance at before his face tensed, but Hankyung had no idea what it was.
"Then can we help you?" Heechul looked blank. "It's just we're busy."
"Are you two from that school?" Red-jacket, Hankyung noticed, made Jaekyung sound like a genius when he spoke. "That freak school."
"I don't know which one you mean," said Heechul, and then turned around. "Come on, Hankyung."
"Hey!" The guy shouted out and grabbed Hankyung around the top of his arm. Hankyung shook him off, heart racing and stumbling a few steps. Heechul turned around, face like thunder. "You are, aren't you? You're freaks."
"We're mutants, if that what you mean." Hankyung thought Heechul looked positively terrifying, but red-jacket didn't have the brain cells to notice that. "And I don't see what it's got to do with you."
"It's got everything to do with me, don't it? You're all dangerous."
This was so completely what Hankyung had always thought about himself that he could think of nothing to say. Heechul just shook his head. "This is pathetic. We're not dangerous, we don't use our powers like that."
"So what can you do?"
It was an impertinent question, something Hankyung expected Heechul to just ignore. There was no reason to tell any of these people what he could do, but instead, Heechul's expression grew even darker and he said; "My power has a big long name, I'm sure you wouldn't understand it. I can make things fuck you up without ever touching them. No fingerprints, see?"
The boy clearly didn't understand what he meant by that and so changed the subject. "And what about him?" He jerked his head at Hankyung, who looked desperately at Heechul. Heechul gave an angry twitch of the head.
"It's none of your fucking business."
"Can't he talk? Is he so much of a freak that he can't even talk?"
"He's Chinese, you idiot," snapped Heechul. "He doesn't even understand what you're talking about."
It was a clever ruse of Heechul's, Hankyung saw. By claiming so, there was a slim chance that there would be no questioning further of Hankyung's power, the last thing that Hankyung, and from the looks of it, Heechul, wanted to be revealed to a non-mutant. "Come on," muttered Heechul again, and took Hankyung's arm. Unlike with the stranger, Hankyung didn't flinch back.
"No," said the boy, and looked around at the group near him. A few passer-bys were watching. "No, I think we'll show you exactly what we think of you lot and your freak school." And he darted forward and took Heechul's arm. Heechul struggled to throw him off, but he was bigger than Hankyung, never mind Heechul, and when Hankyung stepped forward, unsure what he was going to do but the blood roaring in outrage in his ears, he too was grabbed around the arms by two other guys. The people who had gathered to watch suddenly all moved off, as if they didn't want to get involved. It was understandable, but Hankyung still felt completely abandoned.
"Get off me," said Heechul in a low, angry tone. The boy tightened his hold, and tried to pull him off into an alley, but Heechul struggled and managed to hold his ground for a moment. "You think that symbol on your arm, that sign that you belong to mutant haters, you think that scares me? You're pathetic, a little man hiding behind a cause because you can't admit that you fucked up your own life, you have to blame someone else."
"Shut the fuck up!" roared the man, and he pulled his arm back and hit Heechul on the jaw, who fell backwards and hit the floor hard. Hankyung jerked forward but was held fast. Heechul lay still for a long moment. His eyes, when he opened them, were blazing with anger.
"Fuck you," he hissed, and sitting up and wiping blood from his mouth where he had bit his lip, he held a hand out and the bench that he and Hankyung had been sitting on rose into the air. It hovered for a moment, Heechul's forehead twisting in concentration. The man suddenly looked terrified -- and then went blank, head cocked to the side. The two holding Hankyung also suddenly let go of him. Then Eeteuk's voice shouted out, loudly and insistently.
"Heechul, stop, now!"
Heechul dropped the bench immediately; it hit the floor with a bang which echoed down the street and anyone who hadn't noticed it floating now looked to see what was happened. Eeteuk, Kangin and Henry were all running up the street, one of Henry's hands held out in front of him like Heechul had done.
"Controlling," he gasped out to Hankyung when he got near enough. "Emotions. They're curious," pointing to red-jacket, "depressed," pointing to the guy on Hankyung's right, who had sat down heavily on the floor, "and happy." The guy on Hankyung's left was grinning at them widely. "I can't hold it long, we'll have to go soon."
Kangin helped Heechul wordlessly to his feet, and Eeteuk handed him a handkercheif to stem the blood from his lip, which was swollen, and then generally fussed over him until Heechul snapped, "I'm fine, I'm fine, it was just, god, I'm fine!"
Red-jacket suddenly shook his head like clearing his ears of water, and then frowned. Henry groaned and then the man was grinning like an idiot like his comrade. "Henry says we need to go now," said Hankyung helpfully.
"A good idea," said Eeteuk. "We'll need to round the rest of the school up, I don't feel good about leaving them here with these guys."
Progress was slow in this endeavour until they caught up with Zhou Mi, eating lunch with Kyuhyun in a sushi bar, and he was able to send out a general message to all the students to return to the bus station immediately, by order of Eeteuk. This meant that the buses were so packed that the only people who could get seats were Eeteuk, as all the other students moved to let him sit, and Heechul, who, thanks to his lip and angry expression on his face, was given easy access. Fortunately, it meant that no one was able to ask Hankyung or Heechul what exactly had happened, until they got off the bus. At that point, Heechul said that he needed a few minutes to himself before he spoke about it, and charged off up the stairs.
Hankyung quickly followed, but it wasn't to Heechul's own room that he went, but to Hankyung's, where Siwon and Sungmin were still sitting. They both seemed shocked to see them back so soon, and it took a moment for Heechul's split lip to register. When it did, Siwon practically threw himself out of bed to check on him until Heechul told him quietly to stay in bed. Siwon paused, half out, half in, looking unsure.
"What on earth...?" Sungmin's voice trailed off.
Heechul just shook his head and went into the bathroom. There was the sound of running water, as he no doubt cleared the dried blood from his lip. Two pairs of curious, worried eyes turned to Hankyung, who shrugged helplessly. "There were these guys," he said. "I think they were -- I don't know, there was this symbol one of them were wearing, like a lightning bolt? Inside a circle."
Their faces went pale -- well, it had already been pale in Siwon's case, but he suddenly swung his legs out of bed, and pushed himself upright, before walking to the bathroom, looking a little unsteady, but determined. He closed the door after him, and there was only the soft murmur of voices from behind it. Sungmin glanced at Hankyung. "What happened?" he asked.
Hankyung relayed what had happened in town earlier on, Sungmin letting out a soft exhale of breath when he heard what had happened to Heechul. "Hyung wouldn't have liked that," he said quietly.
"I don't think he did," said Hankyung, admitting even as he said it that it was an understatement. "He nearly attacked the guy with a wooden bench."
"They were anti-mutants," said Sungmin. "That's their symbol. You probably realised where their sentiments were when they attacked you, but it's worrying that they're now so close to the school."
"Exactly," said Heechul's voice, and they turned to see him standing in the doorway of the bathroom, a damp towel held to his mouth. He motioned behind him and Siwon obediently got into bed, and almost absently, Sungmin handed him a glass of water and a painkiller.
"You need a new one," he said. "It's not good to be out of bed for so long," and he then looked back at Heechul. Siwon stared at the water and then shook his head in a wondering way before taking the tablet and curling up. He was soon asleep, and Heechul looked at him, half-exasperated, half-pitying. "Well? What's going to happen now?" Sungmin was staring intensely at Heechul, who shrugged.
"No idea." He winced a little as he pressed the towel to his lip a little harder. The blood had stopped, Hankyung noticed, and he rolled his eyes and took it off him. Heechul's mouth fell open in outrage, but Hankyung just told him quietly to stop showing off, and Heechul huffed. "I wasn't, I figured the teachers would look better on my using my power outside of school if it seemed like I'd been in real danger."
"You were in real danger," said Hankyung softly when they were walking back down the stairs in order to go see the Head teacher.
"I know," said Heechul, staring straight ahead. "But Sungmin didn't need to know that."
"Is that why we went to my room? So we wouldn't run into Sungmin?"
"We weren't supposed to. I figured Siwon would be asleep, I didn't particularly want either of them seeing me with blood on my mouth." He laughed, strangely bitter. "Especially Sungmin, he'll use that as fodder against me in the furture."
Hankyung would have contested that if a teacher hadn't shown up to lead them to the office, because he had seen the look on Sungmin's face, the same look on everyone's face. It had been fear. It was one thing to read about such things in the newspaper or hear about them on the news, quite another to have it happen to someone you knew. What made it doubly terrifying was that it had happened to Heechul; the one who scared the first years and didn't get on with most of the other years. Heechul, the one who no one had ever thought would be at risk.
The result of this noriety was that when they came out of the office -- Heechul had got off lightly after it was decided he had acted in self-defence -- was that Kangin was ready to go out and rip the guys into pieces, despite Hankyung and Heechul giving descriptions to the police. "I'll do it in animal form," Kangin urged Eeteuk. "They'll never know it was me, it'll look like they got mauled by a bear or something."
"A bear in the middle of the city? They'll come straight to a mutant." Eeteuk, rather than being disapproving of the idea, seemed instead just rather logical. Hankyung saw that he too was angry over what had happened. "And then those who hate us will have even more reason."
"I could drive them mad," said Zhou Mi, who looked cheerful.
"A shiver just ran down my spine," muttered Kyuhyun, and Hankyung had to agree. Zhou Mi's look had been completely at odds with his tone, which had been cold, steely, the most serious Hankyung had heard him be. He would drive them mad, if he was allowed. No doubt he knew exactly how to do it and it was with a morbid sort of curiousity that Hankyung asked how as they walked to one of the common rooms.
"Make them hear voices," said Zhou Mi. "It's not too difficult, it's just putting on a different voice in your head. If I could get a feel for them, I could just bombard them with thoughts until it drove them mad." He added casually, as he slipped his hand into Kyuhyun's, "I thought I was going mad, once."
"Really?" Hankyung pretended that he hadn't seen the way Kyuhyun had glanced at Zhou Mi; clearly this was a topic much discussed between them. "Because of your power?"
"It was like it just awoke overnight, and I could hear all these voices inside my head. Anyone would think they were going crazy. I was too terrified to tell anyone to begin with, but it wasn't until I realised exactly what I was hearing that I realised it wasn't just schizophrenia, that I could hear what everyone was thinking." There was something strange in his voice, something like sadness, which took Hankyung a moment or two to pick up on. It was unusual.
By now they were entering the common room. Heechul had curled up in an armchair, a book full of old fairytales open in his hands. Sungmin and Shindong were having a loud conversation about what Hankyung assumed to be a girl Shindong liked, although Hankyung could pick up on no names. Ryeowook and Yehsung had secluded themselves quietly in a corner, and everyone was avoiding looking at them with an awareness that was almost painful. Kibum didn't seem to be listening to a word Donghae said, even though Donghae seemed to be saying it to both him and Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk kept laughing at whatever Donghae was talking about, Kibum was staring at the television which was playing a re-run of a drama. He looked bored out of his brains, and when Henry asked him something in English, Kibum nodded and left the room with him. Kangin was looking unseeingly at the television, apparently still too annoyed at what had happened to Heechul and Hankyung to pay attention. Eeteuk quickly excused himself quietly, no one asked where he was going; he was probably going to talk to the teachers about what had happened.
"It's not as nice as everyone thinks it is," said Zhou Mi, sitting down on a sofa, Kyuhyun next to him. Hankyung sat on an armchair next to him. "It's not that much fun, knowing exactly what people are thinking about you, it makes it hard to -- imagine that the person you considered your best friend actually hated you, only kept you around to see what stupid things you did. That was -- that could be difficult."
There was no doubt that was what had happened, but Hankyung couldn't blame him for not wanting to talk about it. He wasn't exactly eloquent about his own power and past. Kyuhyun's hand curled around the back of Zhou Mi's neck, playing with his hair, and Zhou Mi smiled at him, and Hankyung wondered if maybe Sungmin was watching. If he was, what would he be thinking? Hankyung, for his part, stood up, choosing to leave them alone -- their date had, after all, been cut short, partly thanks to him -- and made his way over to Heechul.
It was obvious to him that Heechul wasn't reading the book, just flicking the pages every so often to give that impression. His lip was still an angry red. Hankyung sat down quietly in the armchair next to him. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, fine," said Heechul, breezy, possibly forced. "I'm fine."
"And your head?" Lifting a bench was not anything easy, that much Hankyung knew.
"Not so bad," said Heechul absently. "Nothing sleeping won't fix."
"How scared were you really?" Hankyung knew that it was a question that Heechul was probably going to avoid answering, but knew that he needed to ask it anyway. Heechul shocked him, then, by saying;
"Very."
His hands were shaking where he held the book; for the first time Hankyung wished that he was capable of comfort, that he could reach across and take Heechul's hand without that fear that held him captive in everything that he did. He wondered what Heechul would do if Hankyung did take his hand: pull it back? Let him? Heechul was hard to read but Hankyung got the feeling that maybe, just maybe, Heechul would let him. It was strange, knowing that.
He wasn't blind, for all else that he was; scared, worried, nervous, inexperienced. He knew that Heechul was at least interested in him, he'd picked up on that much from comments and conversations and the like. He -- admiting to himself was the easy part, but of course he found Heechul attractive, you'd have to be literally blind to not see that Heechul was good looking, but there was more than that. A knowledge that he'd never find another person willing to take the same amount of shit that Heechul had taken; an awareness that Heechul was perhaps the only person who would call him out on the shit; a fear that he'd never find another person like Heechul. Slowly, he put his hand on Heechul's shoulder, ignored the wide eyed look Heechul gave him.
He tried to forget how Heechul had told him that he hated blind people. Hankyung wasn't being blind with this, Hankyung was being cautious. He may be inexperienced in relationships, but he was experienced in ruining good things.
The phone rang once, twice, thrice; "Hello, Han residence."
"Mum?" The tremor in his voice was pathetic even to his own ears. "Mum, it's me."
There was a long silence, and only the lack of a click told him that she hadn't yet hung up on him. After the tense pause, there was another voice, his father's, short and sharp and clipped, "Hello, son."
"Hi, dad." Silence. Get to the point, his father seemed to be saying. "I just -- there's this thing happening at school."
"Yes?"
"It's called -- Family Day." Even saying it out loud like that seemed stupid to Hankyung. They may be his parents, but that didn't mean they were a family. "It's a weekend where you can -- you're able to come see how I'm getting on at school."
The next long pause told him that his father couldn't care less about how he was getting on at school. It was amazing how much emotion could be conveyed in no noise whatsoever. "It's next weekend." His voice was quieter now. "I thought -- maybe --" No, he'd thought wrong, had grown niave somehow. He ploughed on in the opposite direction. "Seeing how you have the shop, I thought you might not be able to get away. I thought -- the teachers want to know who is coming. Should I just tell them that you can't make it?"
"Yes, I think that would be best." No argument, no denial. His parents would not be coming. He'd always known that, but something about the cold way his father had told him made the sharp sting of tears spring up behind his eyelids. There was no excuse given at all, they simply didn't want to come.
"Okay," he said, trying for bright, getting trembling. "Okay, that's fine, great. I'll let them know." Yet another awkward silence, hopefully the last one. "Bye, then."
"Goodbye," and then the click of the reciever on the other end being replaced. Slowly, he replaced his own reciever in the student office. Around him, other students were calling their parents, double checking their own arrangements which had been made weeks ago. He had chosen to do this after dinner for precisely this reason: how could he now go and act like he was perfectly alright? Instead, he went up to his bedroom and pretended he was asleep when Siwon came in. It meant that the next morning when the teachers came around to see exactly who would be coming to Family Day, Hankyung was able to smile and say breezily, "Oh, my parents can't make it."
He knew full well that his were the only ones not coming.
By the next Saturday, however, the tables had turned: Siwon was now ill. It was nothing like Hankyung, just a cold, but it was enough to make him miss another Saturday in town. Stuffed up and miserable, he had nonetheless urged Heechul to go without him. Heechul had been unsure. Sungmin had then decided he could not take another weekend of bumping into Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun out on a date and had said that he would keep Siwon company. Heechul had then taken one look at Siwon's pale, but no less overjoyed, face and told, rather than asked, Hankyung that he would be going with him. To be honest, Hankyung hadn't really thought he would be going with anyone else.
"This is disgusting," said Heechul, on the bus. He looked around himself. At the back of the bus, Zhou Mi was talking excitedly about his plans more at Kyuhyun than with, not that Kyuhyun really minded; there was something about Zhou Mi that seemed to have turned him into a love-struck fool, much to everyone else's amusement. He had tried once or twice to snark back, but now contented himself with violent, rude gestures every time someone teased him.
A couple of sets in front was Donghae and Eunhyuk, Shindong and Kibum in front. Donghae was chatting to Eunhyuk, but hanging over Kibum's shoulders and looking back in order to talk. Kibum was staring out of the window, but every so often he'd reach up and run his hand down Donghae's arm, which caused Donghae to break from his conversation and murmur something into his ear, grinning, every time.
Yehsung and Ryeowook were sitting awkwardly next to one another, looking very much like the two people on a first date that they were. Yehsung had asked Ryeowook out that Wednesday, secretely, but Zhou Mi had soon found out due to their excitement and he'd exclaimed very loudly when they walked into the room, embarrassing the two and gaining a hit over the head from Kyuhyun. Now they both looked like they didn't know what to say to each other -- but seemed rather excited nonetheless.
Kangin was fussing over Eeteuk, as per usual. There had been an incident the day before where one of the first years had run down the corridor and had bumped into Eeteuk, causing no end of worrying as it seemed that Eeteuk had broken his arm. It had fractured a little, meaning it was now in a light cast, and Kangin had terrified the kid by yelling at him. Kangin had barely let Eeteuk out of his sight since.
"Look at them," said Heechul, motioning. "It's sickening. And my god, you should have seen Siwon's face when Sungmin turned up at your room, saying that he'd sit in there with him." He tried to imitate Siwon's face and then waved his hand dismissively. "You'd think Christmas had come early or something."
Hankyung, however, thought there was something kind of nice about the whole thing. "It's, I don't know." He glanced at Heechul. "Don't you want something like that?"
Heechul snorted. "I had the guy who thought that a relationship meant calling me all the time and telling me that he loved me constantly and who thought I should spend all my time with him. It gets very old, very quick." A shadow passed over his face quickly. "Very old," he said softly.
"You think that's what will happen with them?" Hankyung asked, motioned to the others. Heechul shrugged.
"I hope not, but you never know, do you?" He elbowed Hankyung as he lifted one leg onto the seat. "Nobody really knows what will happen in the future."
"A school full of mutants and not one of them is psychic," said Hankyung with a sigh, and Heechul laughed a little. Hankyung looked quickly at the floor, because the stupid smile on his face was no doubt telling.
Heechul was distracted somehow in town, not really aware of where he wanted to go next or quite why he was in town. Hankyung guessed that his mind was on what was happening back at the school, and sure enough, when they sat down in the square with some lunch, pre-packed lunchboxes from a shop down the street, Heechul stopped suddenly and said, "I wonder how Sungmin and Siwon are getting on."
"Fine, probably," said Hankyung, who didn't stop eating because he was starving. "Siwon probably fell asleep, I remember what it felt like."
"In which case, Sungmin would have left him to it," said Heechul. "Damn it, Siwon's only chance and he's ill."
There seemed to be something bitter in his voice, something Hankyung couldn't quite place, but then Heechul continued eating and it wasn't until they'd both almost finished until Heechul spoke again. "We're getting looked at."
"It will be your stunning good lucks, I expect," said Hankyung, dumping his empty container in the bin next to him. Heechul shook his head a little, face tense.
"No, it's not that." He leant in under the pretence of pointing to something on the ground. "Over by the corner, a group of boys. The group where the tallest is wearing a red jacket."
Hankyung glanced over to where he was talking about, and saw a group of around five boys, who looked to be the same age. The tallest in the red jacket had a mean, angry look about him, as he glared at the two. "What do we do?" Hankyung asked. Heechul handed him his own container, which Hankyung disposed of.
"Nothing," said Heechul. "Though I'd like to get out of here as soon as possible."
"Right," said Hankyung, and stood up. He was still fairly new to this whole society thing, and all he could really do was trust that Heechul knew where trouble was likely to be found, and if Heechul wanted to get out of there, then Hankyung wanted to too. Unfortunately, as he stood up, the taller boy motioned to his friends and they started forward. Hankyung looked desperately back at Heechul, who stood up slowly, a wide smile on his face.
"Act normal," he said quietly, picked up his bags, and then turned to walk away. Hankyung made to follow him.
"Oi!" shouted an angry voice, ugly in tone. "Oi, you two!"
Heechul stopped, his back stiffening. Hankyung turned back to the boys who were still coming closer, and opened his mouth, but couldn't seem to think of what to say. Luckily, Heechul caught himself. "Yeah?" His tone was bored, indifferent. "Sorry, do I know you?"
"No, of course you don't," said red-jacket, stopping in front of them, his group a little behind; there was a definite sense of them being back-up. He was well-built, around Hankyung's size but looked to weigh double, with a shaven head. There was a symbol on his arm, some sort of lightning bolt inside a circle, something Hankyung saw Heechul glance at before his face tensed, but Hankyung had no idea what it was.
"Then can we help you?" Heechul looked blank. "It's just we're busy."
"Are you two from that school?" Red-jacket, Hankyung noticed, made Jaekyung sound like a genius when he spoke. "That freak school."
"I don't know which one you mean," said Heechul, and then turned around. "Come on, Hankyung."
"Hey!" The guy shouted out and grabbed Hankyung around the top of his arm. Hankyung shook him off, heart racing and stumbling a few steps. Heechul turned around, face like thunder. "You are, aren't you? You're freaks."
"We're mutants, if that what you mean." Hankyung thought Heechul looked positively terrifying, but red-jacket didn't have the brain cells to notice that. "And I don't see what it's got to do with you."
"It's got everything to do with me, don't it? You're all dangerous."
This was so completely what Hankyung had always thought about himself that he could think of nothing to say. Heechul just shook his head. "This is pathetic. We're not dangerous, we don't use our powers like that."
"So what can you do?"
It was an impertinent question, something Hankyung expected Heechul to just ignore. There was no reason to tell any of these people what he could do, but instead, Heechul's expression grew even darker and he said; "My power has a big long name, I'm sure you wouldn't understand it. I can make things fuck you up without ever touching them. No fingerprints, see?"
The boy clearly didn't understand what he meant by that and so changed the subject. "And what about him?" He jerked his head at Hankyung, who looked desperately at Heechul. Heechul gave an angry twitch of the head.
"It's none of your fucking business."
"Can't he talk? Is he so much of a freak that he can't even talk?"
"He's Chinese, you idiot," snapped Heechul. "He doesn't even understand what you're talking about."
It was a clever ruse of Heechul's, Hankyung saw. By claiming so, there was a slim chance that there would be no questioning further of Hankyung's power, the last thing that Hankyung, and from the looks of it, Heechul, wanted to be revealed to a non-mutant. "Come on," muttered Heechul again, and took Hankyung's arm. Unlike with the stranger, Hankyung didn't flinch back.
"No," said the boy, and looked around at the group near him. A few passer-bys were watching. "No, I think we'll show you exactly what we think of you lot and your freak school." And he darted forward and took Heechul's arm. Heechul struggled to throw him off, but he was bigger than Hankyung, never mind Heechul, and when Hankyung stepped forward, unsure what he was going to do but the blood roaring in outrage in his ears, he too was grabbed around the arms by two other guys. The people who had gathered to watch suddenly all moved off, as if they didn't want to get involved. It was understandable, but Hankyung still felt completely abandoned.
"Get off me," said Heechul in a low, angry tone. The boy tightened his hold, and tried to pull him off into an alley, but Heechul struggled and managed to hold his ground for a moment. "You think that symbol on your arm, that sign that you belong to mutant haters, you think that scares me? You're pathetic, a little man hiding behind a cause because you can't admit that you fucked up your own life, you have to blame someone else."
"Shut the fuck up!" roared the man, and he pulled his arm back and hit Heechul on the jaw, who fell backwards and hit the floor hard. Hankyung jerked forward but was held fast. Heechul lay still for a long moment. His eyes, when he opened them, were blazing with anger.
"Fuck you," he hissed, and sitting up and wiping blood from his mouth where he had bit his lip, he held a hand out and the bench that he and Hankyung had been sitting on rose into the air. It hovered for a moment, Heechul's forehead twisting in concentration. The man suddenly looked terrified -- and then went blank, head cocked to the side. The two holding Hankyung also suddenly let go of him. Then Eeteuk's voice shouted out, loudly and insistently.
"Heechul, stop, now!"
Heechul dropped the bench immediately; it hit the floor with a bang which echoed down the street and anyone who hadn't noticed it floating now looked to see what was happened. Eeteuk, Kangin and Henry were all running up the street, one of Henry's hands held out in front of him like Heechul had done.
"Controlling," he gasped out to Hankyung when he got near enough. "Emotions. They're curious," pointing to red-jacket, "depressed," pointing to the guy on Hankyung's right, who had sat down heavily on the floor, "and happy." The guy on Hankyung's left was grinning at them widely. "I can't hold it long, we'll have to go soon."
Kangin helped Heechul wordlessly to his feet, and Eeteuk handed him a handkercheif to stem the blood from his lip, which was swollen, and then generally fussed over him until Heechul snapped, "I'm fine, I'm fine, it was just, god, I'm fine!"
Red-jacket suddenly shook his head like clearing his ears of water, and then frowned. Henry groaned and then the man was grinning like an idiot like his comrade. "Henry says we need to go now," said Hankyung helpfully.
"A good idea," said Eeteuk. "We'll need to round the rest of the school up, I don't feel good about leaving them here with these guys."
Progress was slow in this endeavour until they caught up with Zhou Mi, eating lunch with Kyuhyun in a sushi bar, and he was able to send out a general message to all the students to return to the bus station immediately, by order of Eeteuk. This meant that the buses were so packed that the only people who could get seats were Eeteuk, as all the other students moved to let him sit, and Heechul, who, thanks to his lip and angry expression on his face, was given easy access. Fortunately, it meant that no one was able to ask Hankyung or Heechul what exactly had happened, until they got off the bus. At that point, Heechul said that he needed a few minutes to himself before he spoke about it, and charged off up the stairs.
Hankyung quickly followed, but it wasn't to Heechul's own room that he went, but to Hankyung's, where Siwon and Sungmin were still sitting. They both seemed shocked to see them back so soon, and it took a moment for Heechul's split lip to register. When it did, Siwon practically threw himself out of bed to check on him until Heechul told him quietly to stay in bed. Siwon paused, half out, half in, looking unsure.
"What on earth...?" Sungmin's voice trailed off.
Heechul just shook his head and went into the bathroom. There was the sound of running water, as he no doubt cleared the dried blood from his lip. Two pairs of curious, worried eyes turned to Hankyung, who shrugged helplessly. "There were these guys," he said. "I think they were -- I don't know, there was this symbol one of them were wearing, like a lightning bolt? Inside a circle."
Their faces went pale -- well, it had already been pale in Siwon's case, but he suddenly swung his legs out of bed, and pushed himself upright, before walking to the bathroom, looking a little unsteady, but determined. He closed the door after him, and there was only the soft murmur of voices from behind it. Sungmin glanced at Hankyung. "What happened?" he asked.
Hankyung relayed what had happened in town earlier on, Sungmin letting out a soft exhale of breath when he heard what had happened to Heechul. "Hyung wouldn't have liked that," he said quietly.
"I don't think he did," said Hankyung, admitting even as he said it that it was an understatement. "He nearly attacked the guy with a wooden bench."
"They were anti-mutants," said Sungmin. "That's their symbol. You probably realised where their sentiments were when they attacked you, but it's worrying that they're now so close to the school."
"Exactly," said Heechul's voice, and they turned to see him standing in the doorway of the bathroom, a damp towel held to his mouth. He motioned behind him and Siwon obediently got into bed, and almost absently, Sungmin handed him a glass of water and a painkiller.
"You need a new one," he said. "It's not good to be out of bed for so long," and he then looked back at Heechul. Siwon stared at the water and then shook his head in a wondering way before taking the tablet and curling up. He was soon asleep, and Heechul looked at him, half-exasperated, half-pitying. "Well? What's going to happen now?" Sungmin was staring intensely at Heechul, who shrugged.
"No idea." He winced a little as he pressed the towel to his lip a little harder. The blood had stopped, Hankyung noticed, and he rolled his eyes and took it off him. Heechul's mouth fell open in outrage, but Hankyung just told him quietly to stop showing off, and Heechul huffed. "I wasn't, I figured the teachers would look better on my using my power outside of school if it seemed like I'd been in real danger."
"You were in real danger," said Hankyung softly when they were walking back down the stairs in order to go see the Head teacher.
"I know," said Heechul, staring straight ahead. "But Sungmin didn't need to know that."
"Is that why we went to my room? So we wouldn't run into Sungmin?"
"We weren't supposed to. I figured Siwon would be asleep, I didn't particularly want either of them seeing me with blood on my mouth." He laughed, strangely bitter. "Especially Sungmin, he'll use that as fodder against me in the furture."
Hankyung would have contested that if a teacher hadn't shown up to lead them to the office, because he had seen the look on Sungmin's face, the same look on everyone's face. It had been fear. It was one thing to read about such things in the newspaper or hear about them on the news, quite another to have it happen to someone you knew. What made it doubly terrifying was that it had happened to Heechul; the one who scared the first years and didn't get on with most of the other years. Heechul, the one who no one had ever thought would be at risk.
The result of this noriety was that when they came out of the office -- Heechul had got off lightly after it was decided he had acted in self-defence -- was that Kangin was ready to go out and rip the guys into pieces, despite Hankyung and Heechul giving descriptions to the police. "I'll do it in animal form," Kangin urged Eeteuk. "They'll never know it was me, it'll look like they got mauled by a bear or something."
"A bear in the middle of the city? They'll come straight to a mutant." Eeteuk, rather than being disapproving of the idea, seemed instead just rather logical. Hankyung saw that he too was angry over what had happened. "And then those who hate us will have even more reason."
"I could drive them mad," said Zhou Mi, who looked cheerful.
"A shiver just ran down my spine," muttered Kyuhyun, and Hankyung had to agree. Zhou Mi's look had been completely at odds with his tone, which had been cold, steely, the most serious Hankyung had heard him be. He would drive them mad, if he was allowed. No doubt he knew exactly how to do it and it was with a morbid sort of curiousity that Hankyung asked how as they walked to one of the common rooms.
"Make them hear voices," said Zhou Mi. "It's not too difficult, it's just putting on a different voice in your head. If I could get a feel for them, I could just bombard them with thoughts until it drove them mad." He added casually, as he slipped his hand into Kyuhyun's, "I thought I was going mad, once."
"Really?" Hankyung pretended that he hadn't seen the way Kyuhyun had glanced at Zhou Mi; clearly this was a topic much discussed between them. "Because of your power?"
"It was like it just awoke overnight, and I could hear all these voices inside my head. Anyone would think they were going crazy. I was too terrified to tell anyone to begin with, but it wasn't until I realised exactly what I was hearing that I realised it wasn't just schizophrenia, that I could hear what everyone was thinking." There was something strange in his voice, something like sadness, which took Hankyung a moment or two to pick up on. It was unusual.
By now they were entering the common room. Heechul had curled up in an armchair, a book full of old fairytales open in his hands. Sungmin and Shindong were having a loud conversation about what Hankyung assumed to be a girl Shindong liked, although Hankyung could pick up on no names. Ryeowook and Yehsung had secluded themselves quietly in a corner, and everyone was avoiding looking at them with an awareness that was almost painful. Kibum didn't seem to be listening to a word Donghae said, even though Donghae seemed to be saying it to both him and Eunhyuk. Eunhyuk kept laughing at whatever Donghae was talking about, Kibum was staring at the television which was playing a re-run of a drama. He looked bored out of his brains, and when Henry asked him something in English, Kibum nodded and left the room with him. Kangin was looking unseeingly at the television, apparently still too annoyed at what had happened to Heechul and Hankyung to pay attention. Eeteuk quickly excused himself quietly, no one asked where he was going; he was probably going to talk to the teachers about what had happened.
"It's not as nice as everyone thinks it is," said Zhou Mi, sitting down on a sofa, Kyuhyun next to him. Hankyung sat on an armchair next to him. "It's not that much fun, knowing exactly what people are thinking about you, it makes it hard to -- imagine that the person you considered your best friend actually hated you, only kept you around to see what stupid things you did. That was -- that could be difficult."
There was no doubt that was what had happened, but Hankyung couldn't blame him for not wanting to talk about it. He wasn't exactly eloquent about his own power and past. Kyuhyun's hand curled around the back of Zhou Mi's neck, playing with his hair, and Zhou Mi smiled at him, and Hankyung wondered if maybe Sungmin was watching. If he was, what would he be thinking? Hankyung, for his part, stood up, choosing to leave them alone -- their date had, after all, been cut short, partly thanks to him -- and made his way over to Heechul.
It was obvious to him that Heechul wasn't reading the book, just flicking the pages every so often to give that impression. His lip was still an angry red. Hankyung sat down quietly in the armchair next to him. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, fine," said Heechul, breezy, possibly forced. "I'm fine."
"And your head?" Lifting a bench was not anything easy, that much Hankyung knew.
"Not so bad," said Heechul absently. "Nothing sleeping won't fix."
"How scared were you really?" Hankyung knew that it was a question that Heechul was probably going to avoid answering, but knew that he needed to ask it anyway. Heechul shocked him, then, by saying;
"Very."
His hands were shaking where he held the book; for the first time Hankyung wished that he was capable of comfort, that he could reach across and take Heechul's hand without that fear that held him captive in everything that he did. He wondered what Heechul would do if Hankyung did take his hand: pull it back? Let him? Heechul was hard to read but Hankyung got the feeling that maybe, just maybe, Heechul would let him. It was strange, knowing that.
He wasn't blind, for all else that he was; scared, worried, nervous, inexperienced. He knew that Heechul was at least interested in him, he'd picked up on that much from comments and conversations and the like. He -- admiting to himself was the easy part, but of course he found Heechul attractive, you'd have to be literally blind to not see that Heechul was good looking, but there was more than that. A knowledge that he'd never find another person willing to take the same amount of shit that Heechul had taken; an awareness that Heechul was perhaps the only person who would call him out on the shit; a fear that he'd never find another person like Heechul. Slowly, he put his hand on Heechul's shoulder, ignored the wide eyed look Heechul gave him.
He tried to forget how Heechul had told him that he hated blind people. Hankyung wasn't being blind with this, Hankyung was being cautious. He may be inexperienced in relationships, but he was experienced in ruining good things.
The phone rang once, twice, thrice; "Hello, Han residence."
"Mum?" The tremor in his voice was pathetic even to his own ears. "Mum, it's me."
There was a long silence, and only the lack of a click told him that she hadn't yet hung up on him. After the tense pause, there was another voice, his father's, short and sharp and clipped, "Hello, son."
"Hi, dad." Silence. Get to the point, his father seemed to be saying. "I just -- there's this thing happening at school."
"Yes?"
"It's called -- Family Day." Even saying it out loud like that seemed stupid to Hankyung. They may be his parents, but that didn't mean they were a family. "It's a weekend where you can -- you're able to come see how I'm getting on at school."
The next long pause told him that his father couldn't care less about how he was getting on at school. It was amazing how much emotion could be conveyed in no noise whatsoever. "It's next weekend." His voice was quieter now. "I thought -- maybe --" No, he'd thought wrong, had grown niave somehow. He ploughed on in the opposite direction. "Seeing how you have the shop, I thought you might not be able to get away. I thought -- the teachers want to know who is coming. Should I just tell them that you can't make it?"
"Yes, I think that would be best." No argument, no denial. His parents would not be coming. He'd always known that, but something about the cold way his father had told him made the sharp sting of tears spring up behind his eyelids. There was no excuse given at all, they simply didn't want to come.
"Okay," he said, trying for bright, getting trembling. "Okay, that's fine, great. I'll let them know." Yet another awkward silence, hopefully the last one. "Bye, then."
"Goodbye," and then the click of the reciever on the other end being replaced. Slowly, he replaced his own reciever in the student office. Around him, other students were calling their parents, double checking their own arrangements which had been made weeks ago. He had chosen to do this after dinner for precisely this reason: how could he now go and act like he was perfectly alright? Instead, he went up to his bedroom and pretended he was asleep when Siwon came in. It meant that the next morning when the teachers came around to see exactly who would be coming to Family Day, Hankyung was able to smile and say breezily, "Oh, my parents can't make it."
He knew full well that his were the only ones not coming.
.........................................................
The door to his room banging open and Heechul's voice as he stared at the ceiling was becoming, by now, rather too familiar to Hankyung. He waved a hand at Heechul, who had greeted him with "What the hell are you doing?" He could feel Heechul glaring at him, the scorn practically burning through him. "Are you moping? Is that what you're doing, moping?"
"Go away," said Hankyung, waving his hand even more insistently at him. "Leave me to my misery."
"Pathetic," said Heechul. "Absolutely pathetic. Come on, get up."
"Why?" Hankyung sat up to look helplessly at him. "What's the point, it's not like there's anything in this weekend for me."
"Wah, wah, wah, you." Heechul went into one of the wardrobes, seemed to realise that it was Siwon's, and slammed it shut before pulling open the door to Hankyung's. Hankyung cried out in indignation, but Heechul ignored him and pulled out a blue shirt and a pair of jeans. Then he threw them at Hankyung's head. "Get dressed," he ordered. "Okay, so your family isn't coming, but you get to meet everyone else's parents, don't you?"
Hankyung bundled the clothing in his hands, averting his eyes from Heechul's expectant ones. "I don't want to," he muttered. "Forgive me for not wanting to see how happy everyone else is with their family."
"Stop being so selfish." This was how Heechul did it; flippant enough to stop Hankyung feeling like a little kid, but firm enough to get the message across. "I think most of them are looking forward to showing you. Seasoning, at least. You know how happy he is that his sister ended up making it."
"I just -- I don't know."
"Either you can rot up here in this room all weekend, or you can get dressed and come outside." He walked over to Hankyung's bedside table to open his drawers and pulled out some underwear and socks. Hankyung just stared at him, but he should have realised Heechul would have no concept of privacy and boundaries. "I've spoken to my parents and they said that you're welcome to spend the weekend with us." He looked down at Hankyung and his smile made Hankyung's breath catch. "No need to thank me, I know that I'm wonderful and -- mmph!"
He was cut off as Hankyung reached out for his wrist and pulled him down and kissed him, hard and frantic, because Heechul was brilliant and fantastic and "You went through my underwear," he gasped out, when they had pulled apart and Heechul straightened up, looked completely stunned. "What kind of a person does that?"
"A wonderful person," said Heechul breathlessly, just staring at him. "A wonderful person who is letting you meet my parents and -- my god, you're a shit kisser."
Hankyung had never had someone throw themselves at him before, so he was utterly unprepared when Heechul did just that, causing the two of them to go tumbling backwards on the bed, Heechul's hands against his cheeks, holding him closer and closer. He had no idea what he was doing, no idea that it would be like this, his blood roaring and heart racing and his skin on absolute fire. He had no finesse, that much was obvious, but he wrapped his arms around Heechul's waist and tried to keep up.
Heechul knew what he was doing, so when they broke apart again, it was because of Hankyung. Breathing hard, he tipped his head back and then slowly, slowly, started to think about what had just happened, and then, just as slowly, took his hands off Heechul's waist, heart racing now for a different reason. Heechul noticed the expression on his face, and with a fierce one on his own, reached down and covered Hankyung's hand with his own, taking hold firmly so that Hankyung, when he tried to jerk away, couldn't. Then he placed it back on his waist before kissing him shortly and nipping at his bottom lip.
"Don't be an idiot," he murmured, and Hankyung shut his eyes and blindly found his lips again. He was really quite dazed when Heechul pulled away for the final time and stood up, raking a hand through his hair.
"Great," he said, shaking it back. "Now I'll have to go straighten it again." He pointed imperiously at Hankyung still on the bed. "Be dressed by the time I get back."
Hankyung thought it was lucky that he was even capable of movement after Heechul had left the room, he was so shocked at what had happened, but eventually he stood up and went into the shower room adjoined to the room. He had just stepped out, hair still wet, but dressed, when Heechul slipped back into the room. His hair didn't look any different to Hankyung, but now he had a bright pink silk scarf tied through his belt hoops on his grey jeans. Was it rude to stare at it? Hankyung didn't know.
All he did know what that it was a very good job Heechul had no sense of awkwardness because Hankyung was feeling very, very awkward. Truth be told, he'd just reacted on impulse earlier. There had been no planning whatsoever. If it had been anyone other than Heechul, Hankyung would have just stood there silently, which would have been crippling. Instead, Heechul made a disappointed noise in his throat and said "Dry your hair and meet me in the entrance in ten minutes."
Where did this leave them? The thought of having a conversation with Heechul about 'them' made Hankyung cringe; for all his caution, in a moment he had possibly destroyed what they had and left something horrific in its place. He was lacking in some way, surely, not enough for the more experienced, the more adept Heechul, who had dated before, who -- who was he kidding? He was grinning like a maniac.
"I have never seen you look so happy with yourself," Heechul said when he came downstairs. Maybe if Hankyung used his hand, he'd be able to wipe the smile off his face. The thought just made him smile even harder and Heechul rolled his eyes at him. "We're having a serious conversation later," he said severely. "Don't think I'm that easy." And that made Hankyung sober up a little.
As they made their way past kids greeting their parents, Hankyung noticed some familiar faces. Zhou Mi towered over both his parents, which begged the question where his genes had come from, but he had inherited his smile from his mother. His father was pushing a girl in a wheelchair, who looked like a more feminine, older version of Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi had a death grip on her hand and although she seemed weak and more than a little fragile, she was smiling at him warmly.
Standing a few feet away, it became obvious that Kyuhyun had clearly recieved his own height from his father. He saw Donghae with a woman who must have been his mother, and what looked like his brother. By the doorway, Henry was talking to his mother and father in English. A little way out of the door stood a man and a woman who Heechul threw himself at with a cry of delight.
Hankyung stood back and watched. He could see Heechul in both of them; his facial structure was his mother's, his nose his father's. His mother looked kind and friendly, and Hankyung liked her on principle. Heechul's father hugged his son and then said something that Hankyung missed which had Heechul laughing. Then his mother noticed Hankyung standing to the side and came forward with a joyous cry. "You must be Hankyung!" she said, wrapping her arms around him tightly: she barely came up to his chest. He stood there awkwardly, hands held out to avoid touching her.
"That's him," said Heechul. "Let him breathe, please."
She released Hankyung, beaming, and Heechul's father stepped forward, raising his hand as if to take Hankyung's and shake it. Fear washed through him, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead that he hoped no one else could see. Then Heechul lay a hand on his father's arm, and the man made a noise of recollection and merely nodded his head at him. "Nice to meet you," he said.
"You too," said Hankyung, and he thought the shake in his voice was probably just taken as nerves.
There was a pause which Heechul stopped from being awkward by putting his arm across his mother's shoulders and asking "So what are we doing today?"
"We've arranged to go out with Siwon's parents for a picnic," said his mother happily. Heechul groaned in a good-natured sort of way.
"I see Siwon every day," he whined. "And you see his parents every day. Why do we have to go out together?"
"His parents never get to see you."
"I see them during the holidays. And they aren't even related to me, they don't need to see me."
"Heechul."
His mother had this way of dragging out his name so that it was like pouting in a vocal form, even though she was just frowning at him. Heechul grinned at her and sighed heavily. "Well, I suppose I can do that. For you, of course."
Heechul's mother greeted Siwon with a similar cry of joy that she'd given Hankyung, and there was a similarity in how the two boys accepted the hugs: Siwon was, too, scared to hug back too hard and instead just gave her a quick squeeze. She beamed at him. She didn't even come up to his chest, but somehow managed to reach up and pat him on the head and coo over how tall he was getting. Siwon's mother gave Hankyung a quick hug.
"I've heard a lot about you," she said softly as she pulled away. Hankyung glanced between Siwon and Heechul, both talking to Heechul's mother, and suddenly felt a rush of affection, a sudden gladness that he had them, which shocked. Two months ago he would have never felt that, or if he had, he'd have considered it a weakness. When had he stopped being scared of how dangerous he was to people, and instead just tried to be careful?
Sitting in the back of the car for the two-hour journey with Heechul, Hankyung was hyper-aware of what had happened just an hour earlier in his dorm room. If he concentrated, he could just about feel Heechul's lips still on his, and he was concentrating so hard that when Heechul touched him on the arm, Hankyung jumped so hard that he almost hit his head off the car roof. "Hey," said Heechul, voice soft to avoid attracting his parent's attention. "Are you being all depressed about your parents again?"
Hankyung blinked; now that he thought about it, he'd barely thought about his parents since Heechul had kissed him. "No," he said truthfully.
"It's just you're staring out of the window."
"I was thinking about kissing you, actually."
The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them, and he blushed hotly. Heechul smirked and then reached over to put his fingers on Hankyung's chin, leaning in a little closer. Hankyung shot a nervous look at his parents, but Heechul didn't make a move. Instead, he said; "So are we doing this? Dating?"
"I don't know," said Hankyung. "Are we? I thought you didn't like dating."
"I'll make an exception for you," said Heechul.
"Oh, I'm honoured," said Hankyung, only half joking. He saw Heechul's hand reach for his own and he pulled it away quickly and then stilled. "Sorry," he murmured, and instead Heechul linked their two arms together. "It's going to be hard dating," he said, "considering we can no longer go into town."
"We'll work something out," Heechul said. "The others have managed." He groaned suddenly. "Sungmin and Seasoning will never let me forget this."
"Sungmin'll be happier than he's been in weeks," said Hankyung, an uneasy smile. It was quickly becoming obvious that Sungmin wasn't getting over Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun's relationship as fast as anyone had hoped. There had been a couple of jokes made about him maybe being the perfect person for Hankyung, he was so depressed, which hadn't gone over well with Sungmin, or Siwon, although Hankyung had thought it was funny the first few times, and which Heechul had found hilarious every time.
Heechul kissed his jaw, almost too fast for Hankyung to even realise. "Don't mention Sungmin today," he said. "You know -- Siwon." Hankyung nodded blankly, still focused on the fact that Heechul had just kissed his jaw to really think. "I never thought I'd be dating an emo kid," Heechul said musingly.
Hankyung never thought he'd be dating at all. It was terrifying, he didn't have a clue what to do. Wee they supposed to tell Siwon? Apparently not, because when they got out of the car at the picnic site, Heechul didn't say anything to Siwon at all and instead just stood around watching as the two fathers got stuff out of the car, and then pushed Siwon forward. Siwon took everything off the two men, two huge picnic boxes, a multitude of blankets and coverings, and a wind shield. Siwon might have been capable of carrying everything, but he struggled to see afterwards, and Heechul had to lead him, sighing, to where they were going to eat.
Once or twice it was mentioned how quiet Hankyung was. They were joking comments, comparing him with Heechul, who was pretty much the center of attention. He tried, after each time, to join in a little more, but this kind of social situation was completely lost on him. He wasn't used to parents who wanted to talk to their kids, parents who laughed at their kids, who clearly thought the world of them. Siwon and his father looked alike, although his nature was clearly that of his mother. Heechul's mother had decided Heechul didn't eat enough and had got Siwon's mother alongside; the two of them kept bugging him, and eventually even Siwon sided with them. Then they turned on Hankyung, who, unused to such attention, fell with such an ease that it was almost pathetic, but at least he got a plate full of food out of it.
After they'd eaten and the conversation had slowed down somewhat, he quietly excused himself and stood up. Heechul and Siwon both moved to go with him, but he shook his head, smiling, telling them, "I just think you should have some time alone with your family." Slow nods were his response, and he walked away.
A little way from where they had been sitting, just over the crest of a hill, was a shallow river, gurgling along happily in the sunshine. He wandered down towards the edge, where grass gave way to shingle and mud, and kicked a stone into the water. It sunk. Then he backtracked a little to sit on the incline, staring down at the current.
The jealousy wasn't like what he thought it would be. It wasn't sharp envy, or building resentment, it was a dull ache of despair at how unfair life was. He didn't wish that Heechul and Siwon didn't have these parents who loved -- that would be too selfish -- but seeing that easy relationship still hurt. He hadn't experienced that since he was nine and had told his parents about his secret. Rejection by his parents who had once loved him, their first-born, a son, at such a young age, at a time when he'd needed reassuring, had damaged him more than he thought.
He put his head against his arms and for the first time since he had taken the body of Xiang down to his parents, he cried. He had always felt that somehow, he didn't have the right to cry. His feelings of guilt had always stopped him; tears were for the people who had played no part. Now, however, he sobbed. He sobbed for the life that he could have had, the sister that he had loved and lost, the parents who wouldn't accept him even though it was not his fault he had been born like this. Eventually, arms curled around his shoulders.
He took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm down, but a cheek pressed against his hair and Heechul's voice murmured, "You don't have to stop."
Hankyung felt that he did; he was embarrassed at being caught like this, and he sat up, making Heechul's arms fall away from him, and wiped at his eyes with the backs of his hands. Heechul was still. "You've never cried for what happened before, have you?"
Hankyung didn't answer the question directly. He looked at the water again before saying; "I don't understand why they feel the need to punish me for something that I can't control."
Heechul didn't say anything. He didn't know Hankyung's parents, and he couldn't say that he just had to give them time, that they'd come around, that it would all work out in the end. Heechul didn't believe in making empty promises, and so he stayed silent. There was about five minutes of silence, by the end of which Hankyung had composed himself, and Heechul's closed mouth was against his shoulder. It was comforting. It made his heart pound double time. He didn't know a thing about love, but he thought he might be well on his way to being in love with Heechul.
Eventually Heechul stood up, smiling. "I'll get Siwon," he said brightly. "I didn't realise there was a river here."
Nothing was said about Hankyung's eyes, which were no doubt red and swollen. He saw Siwon glance at him nervously a couple of times, but he remained like the parents and was tactfully silent about it. Grateful, Hankyung threw himself into making the most of the remainder of the day. Like the other two, he stripped down so that all he was wearing was his jeans, rolled up to the knees. There was a long pause while they tried this with Heechul's pants and eventually had to give up because they were so tight. His mother disappeared for a short while and then turned up with a pair of shorts for him to change into.
"Where did you get those?" Heechul asked her, suspicious. She beamed at him.
"I just thought they'd come in useful!"
"Did you bring them all the way from home?"
"Well, I thought you might like some different items in your wardrobe."
Once Heechul was dressed appropriately, they began to wade into the river. It was ice cold, as was expected, and Hankyung and Siwon went wading in happily -- for Hankyung it was like the water was washing away the misery of the hour before. Heechul stood on the side and complained. Siwon went back for him and hoisted him on his shoulders. Heechul grinned down at Hankyung.
"Taller than you," he said. Hankyung took hold of his ankle and made to pull him down. Heechul shrieked and grabbed hold of Siwon's head, who yelped in pain. Hankyung let go hurredly.
The day passed. The time that they were set to return to school grew closer, and their clothes, once wet, began to dry as they lay in the sun together. The parents talked on the top of the hill. Heechul lay in between them, talking to Siwon about a childhood memory they had, a summer spent in the open swimming pool in their home town. Hankyung shut his eyes and listened to them, breathing slow and lazy. His crying fit from earlier seemed so long ago. Now the fading sun was still warm on his skin, and Heechul's fingers were wrapped around his wrist.
In the car journey home, it turned out that Heechul's parents were talking him for dinner in the city. An offer was extended to Hankyung to join them, but he shook his head, smiling his thanks. Heechul deserved a little time alone with his family. Heechul's questioning look was given a wide smile. "I don't want to monopolise all of your time with your parents," he said softly.
He fell asleep half an hour into the journey. After making sure that he was completely asleep, Heechul's mother spoke up. "He's a nice boy, Hankyung."
"He is," said Heechul quietly.
"Keep hold of him."
"Mum," he groaned, not really in the mood for it.
"No, Heechul," said his father. "I understand what your mother means this time. Be a friend to him, if nothing else. He seems like he needs friends."
"He has friends." Now that he could, now that Hankyung was asleep, Heechul took his hand and felt the leather against his skin, cold and impersonal. Hankyung's skin underneath would be warm and no doubt soft, softened by years of being protected by material. He sighed, sadly, and lay his head against Hankyung's shoulder. It was just like him, to fall for someone with whom he could never hold hands.
***
Dinner that night was fairly quiet. Most people had had the same idea of taking their kids out for a meal, to milk everything from the only night together. Zhou Mi was the only one there, with his family, his sister clearly not up to leaving the school for the night; he later found out she was resting in the room, worn out by the journey and the day. Zhou Mi waved him over and introduced him in Mandarin. Apparently the fact that he was another Chinese person in a Korean school was enough for him to be adopted by yet another family, the mother excited and chattering away at him. He felt himself slip easily back in Mandarin, gaining a little comfort in being Chinese again for a short while.
"How was your day?" he asked Zhou Mi, as his parents talked together about their plans for the next day.
"Great!" said Zhou Mi brightly. "Really great, it was brilliant to see my sister again. You might find it hard to believe it but she looks more alive than she has for years."
"Good," said Hankyung, smiling softly.
"Although there was meeting Kui Xian's parents." Zhou Mi's smile flickered on his face and dulled a little. "I don't think his father liked me."
"What, why?"
"I don't know, it was just the feeling that I got. I don't know if it was because I was Chinese or because I'm a guy, he just seemed a little cold."
Hankyung laughed. "Zhou Mi, anyone would seem cold next to you."
Zhou Mi smiled and changed the subject. "How was your day with Heechul and Siw--"
Hankyung hadn't been able to help it. At Heechul's name, a sharp jolt of feeling shot through him and he suddenly remembered lying on the bed, Heechul's mouth against his. The sudden break off from Zhou Mi let Hankyung know that he had seen that, and as Zhou Mi's hands flew to his mouth, Hankyung could feel himself blushing.
"Oh my god," whispered Zhou Mi.
"Oh, be quiet," said Hankyung desperately.
"You didn't!"
Hankyung just nodded. A little helpless, he watched as Zhou Mi's face practically broke in half with his smile. "Congratulations," he told Hankyung, who just shook his head.
Hankyung was brushing his teeth in the little shower room when he heard the door in the other room fly open. He paused, but heard nothing, and so carried on, then the door to the shower room flew open and Heechul stormed in. "What did you tell Seasoning?" he demanded, and slammed the door shut after him.
"Mrgh," said Hankyung around the froth in his mouth, and then spat into the sink. "Nothing," he said, truthfully.
"Well, you said something. I was in the middle of dinner when he suddenly started shouting congratulations into my ear but I couldn't get back to him to ask him what the fuck he was on about. Then I get home and go into my bedroom and Sungmin practically shrieks at me, because Zhou Mi told him that you'd kissed me!"
"Oh." Hankyung winced. "I didn't tell him anything, he just sort of saw."
"So now Sungmin knows so by tomorrow it will be all over the school."
"Was it supposed to be a secret?"
"No!" Heechul's denial was so violent that Hankyung was a little shocked. "Of course it wasn't supposed to be a secret!" Then, in a softer, calmer voice, he said, "You don't have to be a secret."
The secret looked away in his bedroom, the son who was never spoken about. "I want to kiss you," he told Heechul.
Heechul blinked. "So do it. You didn't ask the first time."
"I should have done."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
Heechul's mouth moved against his, warm and soft. He was too scared to touch Heechul, scared that all that life might fade away if he did so, but Heechul wasn't afraid to touch him. His hands moved through Hankyung's hair, down over his cheeks and neck, paused against his chest. Then he gripped the material of his shirt in his hands and pulled him forward until Heechul's back was against the wall. Hankyung couldn't focus on one thing, his sense flicking from the feel of Heechul's mouth against his, to the brush of his hair against his face, to where his thumb rubbed against the skin exposed where Hankyung's shirt had been dragged down.
Then there was banging on the door behind them. "Hyung, what's going on in there? Is Sungmin-hyung right? Are you really going out together?"
Hankyung's laughter and Heechul yell for him to "Fuck off!" were the only responses.
"Go away," said Hankyung, waving his hand even more insistently at him. "Leave me to my misery."
"Pathetic," said Heechul. "Absolutely pathetic. Come on, get up."
"Why?" Hankyung sat up to look helplessly at him. "What's the point, it's not like there's anything in this weekend for me."
"Wah, wah, wah, you." Heechul went into one of the wardrobes, seemed to realise that it was Siwon's, and slammed it shut before pulling open the door to Hankyung's. Hankyung cried out in indignation, but Heechul ignored him and pulled out a blue shirt and a pair of jeans. Then he threw them at Hankyung's head. "Get dressed," he ordered. "Okay, so your family isn't coming, but you get to meet everyone else's parents, don't you?"
Hankyung bundled the clothing in his hands, averting his eyes from Heechul's expectant ones. "I don't want to," he muttered. "Forgive me for not wanting to see how happy everyone else is with their family."
"Stop being so selfish." This was how Heechul did it; flippant enough to stop Hankyung feeling like a little kid, but firm enough to get the message across. "I think most of them are looking forward to showing you. Seasoning, at least. You know how happy he is that his sister ended up making it."
"I just -- I don't know."
"Either you can rot up here in this room all weekend, or you can get dressed and come outside." He walked over to Hankyung's bedside table to open his drawers and pulled out some underwear and socks. Hankyung just stared at him, but he should have realised Heechul would have no concept of privacy and boundaries. "I've spoken to my parents and they said that you're welcome to spend the weekend with us." He looked down at Hankyung and his smile made Hankyung's breath catch. "No need to thank me, I know that I'm wonderful and -- mmph!"
He was cut off as Hankyung reached out for his wrist and pulled him down and kissed him, hard and frantic, because Heechul was brilliant and fantastic and "You went through my underwear," he gasped out, when they had pulled apart and Heechul straightened up, looked completely stunned. "What kind of a person does that?"
"A wonderful person," said Heechul breathlessly, just staring at him. "A wonderful person who is letting you meet my parents and -- my god, you're a shit kisser."
Hankyung had never had someone throw themselves at him before, so he was utterly unprepared when Heechul did just that, causing the two of them to go tumbling backwards on the bed, Heechul's hands against his cheeks, holding him closer and closer. He had no idea what he was doing, no idea that it would be like this, his blood roaring and heart racing and his skin on absolute fire. He had no finesse, that much was obvious, but he wrapped his arms around Heechul's waist and tried to keep up.
Heechul knew what he was doing, so when they broke apart again, it was because of Hankyung. Breathing hard, he tipped his head back and then slowly, slowly, started to think about what had just happened, and then, just as slowly, took his hands off Heechul's waist, heart racing now for a different reason. Heechul noticed the expression on his face, and with a fierce one on his own, reached down and covered Hankyung's hand with his own, taking hold firmly so that Hankyung, when he tried to jerk away, couldn't. Then he placed it back on his waist before kissing him shortly and nipping at his bottom lip.
"Don't be an idiot," he murmured, and Hankyung shut his eyes and blindly found his lips again. He was really quite dazed when Heechul pulled away for the final time and stood up, raking a hand through his hair.
"Great," he said, shaking it back. "Now I'll have to go straighten it again." He pointed imperiously at Hankyung still on the bed. "Be dressed by the time I get back."
Hankyung thought it was lucky that he was even capable of movement after Heechul had left the room, he was so shocked at what had happened, but eventually he stood up and went into the shower room adjoined to the room. He had just stepped out, hair still wet, but dressed, when Heechul slipped back into the room. His hair didn't look any different to Hankyung, but now he had a bright pink silk scarf tied through his belt hoops on his grey jeans. Was it rude to stare at it? Hankyung didn't know.
All he did know what that it was a very good job Heechul had no sense of awkwardness because Hankyung was feeling very, very awkward. Truth be told, he'd just reacted on impulse earlier. There had been no planning whatsoever. If it had been anyone other than Heechul, Hankyung would have just stood there silently, which would have been crippling. Instead, Heechul made a disappointed noise in his throat and said "Dry your hair and meet me in the entrance in ten minutes."
Where did this leave them? The thought of having a conversation with Heechul about 'them' made Hankyung cringe; for all his caution, in a moment he had possibly destroyed what they had and left something horrific in its place. He was lacking in some way, surely, not enough for the more experienced, the more adept Heechul, who had dated before, who -- who was he kidding? He was grinning like a maniac.
"I have never seen you look so happy with yourself," Heechul said when he came downstairs. Maybe if Hankyung used his hand, he'd be able to wipe the smile off his face. The thought just made him smile even harder and Heechul rolled his eyes at him. "We're having a serious conversation later," he said severely. "Don't think I'm that easy." And that made Hankyung sober up a little.
As they made their way past kids greeting their parents, Hankyung noticed some familiar faces. Zhou Mi towered over both his parents, which begged the question where his genes had come from, but he had inherited his smile from his mother. His father was pushing a girl in a wheelchair, who looked like a more feminine, older version of Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi had a death grip on her hand and although she seemed weak and more than a little fragile, she was smiling at him warmly.
Standing a few feet away, it became obvious that Kyuhyun had clearly recieved his own height from his father. He saw Donghae with a woman who must have been his mother, and what looked like his brother. By the doorway, Henry was talking to his mother and father in English. A little way out of the door stood a man and a woman who Heechul threw himself at with a cry of delight.
Hankyung stood back and watched. He could see Heechul in both of them; his facial structure was his mother's, his nose his father's. His mother looked kind and friendly, and Hankyung liked her on principle. Heechul's father hugged his son and then said something that Hankyung missed which had Heechul laughing. Then his mother noticed Hankyung standing to the side and came forward with a joyous cry. "You must be Hankyung!" she said, wrapping her arms around him tightly: she barely came up to his chest. He stood there awkwardly, hands held out to avoid touching her.
"That's him," said Heechul. "Let him breathe, please."
She released Hankyung, beaming, and Heechul's father stepped forward, raising his hand as if to take Hankyung's and shake it. Fear washed through him, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead that he hoped no one else could see. Then Heechul lay a hand on his father's arm, and the man made a noise of recollection and merely nodded his head at him. "Nice to meet you," he said.
"You too," said Hankyung, and he thought the shake in his voice was probably just taken as nerves.
There was a pause which Heechul stopped from being awkward by putting his arm across his mother's shoulders and asking "So what are we doing today?"
"We've arranged to go out with Siwon's parents for a picnic," said his mother happily. Heechul groaned in a good-natured sort of way.
"I see Siwon every day," he whined. "And you see his parents every day. Why do we have to go out together?"
"His parents never get to see you."
"I see them during the holidays. And they aren't even related to me, they don't need to see me."
"Heechul."
His mother had this way of dragging out his name so that it was like pouting in a vocal form, even though she was just frowning at him. Heechul grinned at her and sighed heavily. "Well, I suppose I can do that. For you, of course."
Heechul's mother greeted Siwon with a similar cry of joy that she'd given Hankyung, and there was a similarity in how the two boys accepted the hugs: Siwon was, too, scared to hug back too hard and instead just gave her a quick squeeze. She beamed at him. She didn't even come up to his chest, but somehow managed to reach up and pat him on the head and coo over how tall he was getting. Siwon's mother gave Hankyung a quick hug.
"I've heard a lot about you," she said softly as she pulled away. Hankyung glanced between Siwon and Heechul, both talking to Heechul's mother, and suddenly felt a rush of affection, a sudden gladness that he had them, which shocked. Two months ago he would have never felt that, or if he had, he'd have considered it a weakness. When had he stopped being scared of how dangerous he was to people, and instead just tried to be careful?
Sitting in the back of the car for the two-hour journey with Heechul, Hankyung was hyper-aware of what had happened just an hour earlier in his dorm room. If he concentrated, he could just about feel Heechul's lips still on his, and he was concentrating so hard that when Heechul touched him on the arm, Hankyung jumped so hard that he almost hit his head off the car roof. "Hey," said Heechul, voice soft to avoid attracting his parent's attention. "Are you being all depressed about your parents again?"
Hankyung blinked; now that he thought about it, he'd barely thought about his parents since Heechul had kissed him. "No," he said truthfully.
"It's just you're staring out of the window."
"I was thinking about kissing you, actually."
The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them, and he blushed hotly. Heechul smirked and then reached over to put his fingers on Hankyung's chin, leaning in a little closer. Hankyung shot a nervous look at his parents, but Heechul didn't make a move. Instead, he said; "So are we doing this? Dating?"
"I don't know," said Hankyung. "Are we? I thought you didn't like dating."
"I'll make an exception for you," said Heechul.
"Oh, I'm honoured," said Hankyung, only half joking. He saw Heechul's hand reach for his own and he pulled it away quickly and then stilled. "Sorry," he murmured, and instead Heechul linked their two arms together. "It's going to be hard dating," he said, "considering we can no longer go into town."
"We'll work something out," Heechul said. "The others have managed." He groaned suddenly. "Sungmin and Seasoning will never let me forget this."
"Sungmin'll be happier than he's been in weeks," said Hankyung, an uneasy smile. It was quickly becoming obvious that Sungmin wasn't getting over Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun's relationship as fast as anyone had hoped. There had been a couple of jokes made about him maybe being the perfect person for Hankyung, he was so depressed, which hadn't gone over well with Sungmin, or Siwon, although Hankyung had thought it was funny the first few times, and which Heechul had found hilarious every time.
Heechul kissed his jaw, almost too fast for Hankyung to even realise. "Don't mention Sungmin today," he said. "You know -- Siwon." Hankyung nodded blankly, still focused on the fact that Heechul had just kissed his jaw to really think. "I never thought I'd be dating an emo kid," Heechul said musingly.
Hankyung never thought he'd be dating at all. It was terrifying, he didn't have a clue what to do. Wee they supposed to tell Siwon? Apparently not, because when they got out of the car at the picnic site, Heechul didn't say anything to Siwon at all and instead just stood around watching as the two fathers got stuff out of the car, and then pushed Siwon forward. Siwon took everything off the two men, two huge picnic boxes, a multitude of blankets and coverings, and a wind shield. Siwon might have been capable of carrying everything, but he struggled to see afterwards, and Heechul had to lead him, sighing, to where they were going to eat.
Once or twice it was mentioned how quiet Hankyung was. They were joking comments, comparing him with Heechul, who was pretty much the center of attention. He tried, after each time, to join in a little more, but this kind of social situation was completely lost on him. He wasn't used to parents who wanted to talk to their kids, parents who laughed at their kids, who clearly thought the world of them. Siwon and his father looked alike, although his nature was clearly that of his mother. Heechul's mother had decided Heechul didn't eat enough and had got Siwon's mother alongside; the two of them kept bugging him, and eventually even Siwon sided with them. Then they turned on Hankyung, who, unused to such attention, fell with such an ease that it was almost pathetic, but at least he got a plate full of food out of it.
After they'd eaten and the conversation had slowed down somewhat, he quietly excused himself and stood up. Heechul and Siwon both moved to go with him, but he shook his head, smiling, telling them, "I just think you should have some time alone with your family." Slow nods were his response, and he walked away.
A little way from where they had been sitting, just over the crest of a hill, was a shallow river, gurgling along happily in the sunshine. He wandered down towards the edge, where grass gave way to shingle and mud, and kicked a stone into the water. It sunk. Then he backtracked a little to sit on the incline, staring down at the current.
The jealousy wasn't like what he thought it would be. It wasn't sharp envy, or building resentment, it was a dull ache of despair at how unfair life was. He didn't wish that Heechul and Siwon didn't have these parents who loved -- that would be too selfish -- but seeing that easy relationship still hurt. He hadn't experienced that since he was nine and had told his parents about his secret. Rejection by his parents who had once loved him, their first-born, a son, at such a young age, at a time when he'd needed reassuring, had damaged him more than he thought.
He put his head against his arms and for the first time since he had taken the body of Xiang down to his parents, he cried. He had always felt that somehow, he didn't have the right to cry. His feelings of guilt had always stopped him; tears were for the people who had played no part. Now, however, he sobbed. He sobbed for the life that he could have had, the sister that he had loved and lost, the parents who wouldn't accept him even though it was not his fault he had been born like this. Eventually, arms curled around his shoulders.
He took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm down, but a cheek pressed against his hair and Heechul's voice murmured, "You don't have to stop."
Hankyung felt that he did; he was embarrassed at being caught like this, and he sat up, making Heechul's arms fall away from him, and wiped at his eyes with the backs of his hands. Heechul was still. "You've never cried for what happened before, have you?"
Hankyung didn't answer the question directly. He looked at the water again before saying; "I don't understand why they feel the need to punish me for something that I can't control."
Heechul didn't say anything. He didn't know Hankyung's parents, and he couldn't say that he just had to give them time, that they'd come around, that it would all work out in the end. Heechul didn't believe in making empty promises, and so he stayed silent. There was about five minutes of silence, by the end of which Hankyung had composed himself, and Heechul's closed mouth was against his shoulder. It was comforting. It made his heart pound double time. He didn't know a thing about love, but he thought he might be well on his way to being in love with Heechul.
Eventually Heechul stood up, smiling. "I'll get Siwon," he said brightly. "I didn't realise there was a river here."
Nothing was said about Hankyung's eyes, which were no doubt red and swollen. He saw Siwon glance at him nervously a couple of times, but he remained like the parents and was tactfully silent about it. Grateful, Hankyung threw himself into making the most of the remainder of the day. Like the other two, he stripped down so that all he was wearing was his jeans, rolled up to the knees. There was a long pause while they tried this with Heechul's pants and eventually had to give up because they were so tight. His mother disappeared for a short while and then turned up with a pair of shorts for him to change into.
"Where did you get those?" Heechul asked her, suspicious. She beamed at him.
"I just thought they'd come in useful!"
"Did you bring them all the way from home?"
"Well, I thought you might like some different items in your wardrobe."
Once Heechul was dressed appropriately, they began to wade into the river. It was ice cold, as was expected, and Hankyung and Siwon went wading in happily -- for Hankyung it was like the water was washing away the misery of the hour before. Heechul stood on the side and complained. Siwon went back for him and hoisted him on his shoulders. Heechul grinned down at Hankyung.
"Taller than you," he said. Hankyung took hold of his ankle and made to pull him down. Heechul shrieked and grabbed hold of Siwon's head, who yelped in pain. Hankyung let go hurredly.
The day passed. The time that they were set to return to school grew closer, and their clothes, once wet, began to dry as they lay in the sun together. The parents talked on the top of the hill. Heechul lay in between them, talking to Siwon about a childhood memory they had, a summer spent in the open swimming pool in their home town. Hankyung shut his eyes and listened to them, breathing slow and lazy. His crying fit from earlier seemed so long ago. Now the fading sun was still warm on his skin, and Heechul's fingers were wrapped around his wrist.
In the car journey home, it turned out that Heechul's parents were talking him for dinner in the city. An offer was extended to Hankyung to join them, but he shook his head, smiling his thanks. Heechul deserved a little time alone with his family. Heechul's questioning look was given a wide smile. "I don't want to monopolise all of your time with your parents," he said softly.
He fell asleep half an hour into the journey. After making sure that he was completely asleep, Heechul's mother spoke up. "He's a nice boy, Hankyung."
"He is," said Heechul quietly.
"Keep hold of him."
"Mum," he groaned, not really in the mood for it.
"No, Heechul," said his father. "I understand what your mother means this time. Be a friend to him, if nothing else. He seems like he needs friends."
"He has friends." Now that he could, now that Hankyung was asleep, Heechul took his hand and felt the leather against his skin, cold and impersonal. Hankyung's skin underneath would be warm and no doubt soft, softened by years of being protected by material. He sighed, sadly, and lay his head against Hankyung's shoulder. It was just like him, to fall for someone with whom he could never hold hands.
Dinner that night was fairly quiet. Most people had had the same idea of taking their kids out for a meal, to milk everything from the only night together. Zhou Mi was the only one there, with his family, his sister clearly not up to leaving the school for the night; he later found out she was resting in the room, worn out by the journey and the day. Zhou Mi waved him over and introduced him in Mandarin. Apparently the fact that he was another Chinese person in a Korean school was enough for him to be adopted by yet another family, the mother excited and chattering away at him. He felt himself slip easily back in Mandarin, gaining a little comfort in being Chinese again for a short while.
"How was your day?" he asked Zhou Mi, as his parents talked together about their plans for the next day.
"Great!" said Zhou Mi brightly. "Really great, it was brilliant to see my sister again. You might find it hard to believe it but she looks more alive than she has for years."
"Good," said Hankyung, smiling softly.
"Although there was meeting Kui Xian's parents." Zhou Mi's smile flickered on his face and dulled a little. "I don't think his father liked me."
"What, why?"
"I don't know, it was just the feeling that I got. I don't know if it was because I was Chinese or because I'm a guy, he just seemed a little cold."
Hankyung laughed. "Zhou Mi, anyone would seem cold next to you."
Zhou Mi smiled and changed the subject. "How was your day with Heechul and Siw--"
Hankyung hadn't been able to help it. At Heechul's name, a sharp jolt of feeling shot through him and he suddenly remembered lying on the bed, Heechul's mouth against his. The sudden break off from Zhou Mi let Hankyung know that he had seen that, and as Zhou Mi's hands flew to his mouth, Hankyung could feel himself blushing.
"Oh my god," whispered Zhou Mi.
"Oh, be quiet," said Hankyung desperately.
"You didn't!"
Hankyung just nodded. A little helpless, he watched as Zhou Mi's face practically broke in half with his smile. "Congratulations," he told Hankyung, who just shook his head.
Hankyung was brushing his teeth in the little shower room when he heard the door in the other room fly open. He paused, but heard nothing, and so carried on, then the door to the shower room flew open and Heechul stormed in. "What did you tell Seasoning?" he demanded, and slammed the door shut after him.
"Mrgh," said Hankyung around the froth in his mouth, and then spat into the sink. "Nothing," he said, truthfully.
"Well, you said something. I was in the middle of dinner when he suddenly started shouting congratulations into my ear but I couldn't get back to him to ask him what the fuck he was on about. Then I get home and go into my bedroom and Sungmin practically shrieks at me, because Zhou Mi told him that you'd kissed me!"
"Oh." Hankyung winced. "I didn't tell him anything, he just sort of saw."
"So now Sungmin knows so by tomorrow it will be all over the school."
"Was it supposed to be a secret?"
"No!" Heechul's denial was so violent that Hankyung was a little shocked. "Of course it wasn't supposed to be a secret!" Then, in a softer, calmer voice, he said, "You don't have to be a secret."
The secret looked away in his bedroom, the son who was never spoken about. "I want to kiss you," he told Heechul.
Heechul blinked. "So do it. You didn't ask the first time."
"I should have done."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
Heechul's mouth moved against his, warm and soft. He was too scared to touch Heechul, scared that all that life might fade away if he did so, but Heechul wasn't afraid to touch him. His hands moved through Hankyung's hair, down over his cheeks and neck, paused against his chest. Then he gripped the material of his shirt in his hands and pulled him forward until Heechul's back was against the wall. Hankyung couldn't focus on one thing, his sense flicking from the feel of Heechul's mouth against his, to the brush of his hair against his face, to where his thumb rubbed against the skin exposed where Hankyung's shirt had been dragged down.
Then there was banging on the door behind them. "Hyung, what's going on in there? Is Sungmin-hyung right? Are you really going out together?"
Hankyung's laughter and Heechul yell for him to "Fuck off!" were the only responses.
.....................................................................
The next night was somber in mood. The excitement of the weekend had passed and now all that was left was the come down, and even though Hankyung had had no family come visit him, he too was affected by the mood. Everyone was showing their sadness in different ways. Heechul, in his typical fashion, was snapping at everything and everyone, even Hankyung, even Siwon, who had shrugged and just accepted it. Hankyung just tried to do very little that wouldn't annoy Heechul. Yehsung and Kangin kept arguing over little stuff, which meant Eeteuk kept yelling. Ryeowook looked close to tears each time it happened.
Donghae, after his mother and brother had left, hadn't joined them, and seemed to just disappear. Strangely, no one went looking for him, like they had for Hankyung, but Hankyung just assumed they knew where Donghae had gone. When he finally turned up, it was apparent that he had been crying; he looked like Hankyung thought he must have looked the day before by the river. No one said a word about it. Instead, Eunhyuk invited him to play a game with him, something Donghae declined. Kibum, who had his laptop on his knees, slowly laid it aside and let Donghae fold into him, head against his shoulder.
Any strength that Donghae had told himself to have before he entered the room broke when Kibum put his arms around him. His shoulders shook, his breathing ragged, and Kibum murmured into his ear, too quiet to hear. Silence filled the room -- shocked, in Hankyung's case -- before the noise started up again, this time with an effort to be cheerful and not as conflicting as before. All eyes were averted as Kibum sat back and pulled Donghae closer to him, Donghae's legs slung over his lap. Hankyung stood up and went to the alcove that Heechul was sitting at. "What was that about?" he asked, sitting down next to him. Heechul fairly buried into his side; his hands were freezing.
"Donghae's dad died two years ago," Heechul explained, mouth close to his ear so that Donghae couldn't overhear. "Family Day is hard for him because he misses his father all the more, as his absence is more obvious. He feels guilty for being here and not with his mother, but she's the one who insists he stays."
"I never knew," whispered Hankyung. Donghae had always seemed so bright and almost childish; he had had no idea he'd been carrying this with him.
"No," said Heechul. "Well, he doesn't like to talk about it. It doesn't affect him all the time, he generally tries to forget about it, tries to live around it. It's just sometimes, it really hits him. He really, really loved his dad." His eyes were sad. "He was a good man."
"You knew him?" Hankyung was surprised about that.
"Donghae and I have known each other for a while. Although you've only seen the high school section, we were at the middle school section together for about a year. Before that, we used to go to the same summer camp. It's run by this school, for mutants. I met him there."
"I thought your power didn't usually start developing until later on." Hankyung had finally learnt the reason for Hyori's raised eyebrows when he'd told her that his powers had started when he was five. Mainly, your power didn't show itself until puberty, although that didn't mean it was uncommon for it to develop beforehand. His, however, had started at a very early age.
"Sometimes elements begin to show when you're younger. Donghae always won first prize at sports day or something like that. Sometimes things can point to an upcoming mutation. Sometimes people who come to the camp never actual develop mutant powers. It helps a lot when you come to this school." He smiled a little. "Don't mention it to Siwon though, he's the only one out of all of us who never got to go at least once. There was never any sign that he had powers until he fell against the side of his house one day and ended up through it."
That night Eunhyuk slept in Kibum's bed in the room he shared with Kangin. There were no jokes or raised eyebrows when Kibum and Donghae went into Donghae's room together; apparently this happened every time Family Day finished. Donghae had stopped crying but had been silent through most of the evening. The next morning, however, was a different story. He was back to his normal, cheerful self, laughing with Eunhyuk over breakfast because he hadn't watched when he was going that morning and had walked through a wall.
"I was lucky," Eunhyuk said. "Imagine if I couldn't go through walls?"
Hankyung laughed and then ducked as the jug of milk suddenly shot forward and almost cracked him on the head before banging down on the table. "What the hell!" he said, and turned to Heechul sitting next to him. "What the hell was that for?"
Heechul was wide-eyed and white. "I didn't mean to do that," he said solemnly. "I lost control."
"Oh," said Hankyung. "Next time, can you please not lose control in a way that means death for me?"
"Eh, I'll try my best," said Heechul, and poured some of the milk into his coffee. He took a sip, then leaned in and kissed Hankyung. "Sorry," he murmured.
"That's okay," said Hankyung, surprised. "I know you didn't do it on purpose."
Heechul nodded and continued eating breakfast. The whole exchange had left Hankyung a little worried, although no one else seemed to have paid much attention. He felt thrown off, mostly by Heechul's apology. He'd expected Heechul to just dismiss the incident, but Hankyung had seen the shock on Heechul's face. He'd lost control. Hankyung had never seen Heechul lose control.
It kept him puzzled throughout morning classes, during which he luckily didn't have Park, because he didn't pay attention to a single thing that was said. He was too busy watching Heechul out of the corner of his eye, and he got the feeling that Heechul wasn't paying attention either. Instead, he was making his pencil do somersaults in the air for some reason, just staring at it with his chin supported against his hands. He did that right up until lunch, where he was quiet. He didn't snap or bitch or appear annoyed. He sat next to Hankyung, slumped a little, and didn't say a word.
Hankyung watched him throughout the afternoon as well, and when the bell rang and the time for control lessons came, he went over to where Heechul was sitting with his head in his hands, and said quietly, "Heechul, go back to the dorm."
Heechul looked up, frowning. "What?"
"You look like you need to sleep."
"I'm fine."
"No," said Hankyung, still in that quiet tone. "You aren't."
For a second, the pretence dropped. Heechul blinked once, slowly, his eyes tired and dark. Then he scowled, the act back on. "Don't tell me what to do," he said, harshly.
"Please."
"I'm fine, Hankyung. God, stop being like this."
Irritation spread through Hankyung, so he let it go. He'd known that Heechul could be stubborn, but this was slightly different, this just seemed like he was being mean and nasty. Both he and Heechul were silent walking down to control lessons, avoiding each other. "Have you two fought or something?" asked Yehsung in his usual tactful way. "Well, that lasted long."
Hankyung thought that he was just trying to get a rise out of Heechul, whose silence surely hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone other than Hankyung, but Heechul just flicked his hair over his shoulder and walked a little faster, saying nothing. He soon slowed down again, and by the time they reached the doors of the gym, he was actually lagging behind. Hankyung paused and waited for him.
"Heechul," he said, taking his arm. "Please, please don't try to act like you're fine."
"I don't understand what you're talking about," said Heechul scornfully. "I am fine."
"You don't look it and you certainly aren't acting like it," said Hankyung heatedly. "What's wrong? Why won't you tell me?"
Heechul opened his mouth, face like thunder, and then closed it again. He swayed, before his eyes fluttered shut and he fell forwards into Hankyung, unconscious. Hankyung almost dropped him through surprise, but just about managed to get his hands hooked under his shoulders to keep him from hitting the floor. Hauling him over to one of the chairs running down the corridor, Hankyung knelt in front of him and then looked helplessly at his hands. He couldn't feel for a fever. "Hey," he said desperately to someone just about to go into the gym. "GetHyo -- Professor Lee for me."
The teacher was joined by Kangin when she came running out. "I am getting very sick of you people collapsing," she said when she saw Heechul slumped in the chair, and pushed Hankyung out of the way to put her hand to his forehead. "No fever, he's -- ow." She opened her eyes, almost falling backwards onto the floor, and Hankyung was forced to put his hands on her back to keep her upright. "It seems like it's mostly just exhaustion."
"Exhaustion?" Hankyung blinked at her, confused. "So it's not his head?"
"Oh, that's part of it. The fact that he's so tired is meaning that his power is taking more of a toll on him. No doubt he's been a bit slapdash recently?"
Hankyung remembered that morning, when he'd almost been brained by a jug of milk, and nodded. Hyori nodded. "You see? He needs to sleep. Take him back to the dorm."
Kangin carried Heechul, who was heavier than he looked, back to the dorm, and then went back to control lessons. He seemed to have taken a very practical minded approach to the whole thing, clearly believing that a good night's sleep would help Heechul to no end. Hankyung wasn't so sure. There had to be a reason why Heechul was exhausted.
Hankyung was sitting in the alcove by the window when Heechul woke up with a groan. Hankyung stood up to go over to him and handed him a glass of water, which Heechul took, avoiding his eyes. Hankyung sat on the bed.
"I see why you didn't like me shutting everyone out," he said quietly. Heechul laughed softly.
"Yeah," he said. "Not nice, is it?"
"What's wrong, Heechul? Hyori said that you were tired more than anything. Aren't you sleeping?"
Heechul was still and silent for a moment, and then reached over to the bedside table. Opening a drawer, he pulled out an envelope, twisting it a little in his fingers as he sat back in the bed. "Do you remember a while back, when I said I knew what it was like to be in a relationship where you have to be with the other person constantly, always in contact, always in sight?" Hankyung nodded. "And then, even further back, about my mother ringing up to tell me about my ex-boyfriend being back in town?" Another nod. "That's the same guy. I've only had the one boyfriend."
"It was the year before I was set to come to this school. I was fourteen and he was sixteen, and he was nice and charming and I really liked him, and he really liked me. We went out for about four months. My mother loved him -- well, who wouldn't, he was the perfect son. Perfect in every way. My mother still can't believe I let him go, but the truth is, he got too much for me. I didn't like how he was with me. He didn't like it when I spent time with my friends, because he thought I should have been with him. He texted me every half hour, asking me how I was and what I was doing. I'd come home from school and find him in my kitchen, talking to my parents. He acted like I was being ridiculous when I wanted time to myself. He was foul to Siwon, insulting him to his face and always on about how I clearly liked Siwon better than I liked him. He tried to tell me that I couldn't see Siwon anymore, and that I shouldn't use my powers anymore. That's when I snapped. No one tells me what I can and can't do. So I broke up with him."
"He didn't take it well. He went all teary and begged me to reconsider, but I was just sick of him and his bullshit. When I refused to give him a second chance, he changed tactics. I don't know if it was stalking, but it was enough to freak me out. I'd be out in my garden with Siwon or something and he'd walk past and just stare at us. Sometimes he'd be waiting for me after school and say that he'd walk me home, even though I had Siwon. He just never let me alone, keeping on at me, pleasant and nice, so that I felt stupid complaining about it. Siwon is still the only person who knows about it. My mother thinks -- or thought -- I was an idiot for dumping him and I don't want to ruin her perception of him because I bet he was a nice person to her. But I was so glad when I got accepted into this school because I could get away from him. Hankyung, I don't scare easily. You know that. But he -- he scared me. Soon afterwards, he decided to join the army and went away to camp."
"Then I found out he was back, but that wasn't too bad. I mean, it's not like I'm home for that long, a month or two in the summer, a couple of weeks in winter, a week in spring. But then, on Friday, I got this." He held the envelope out to Hankyung, who took it, making sure to not let their fingers brush, and opened up the letter inside of it.
Hankyung finished with a frown on his face. "He wants to meet you again?"
"Apparently so. I don't want to, Hankyung."
Hankyung handed the letter back. "You don't have to," he said simply.
"I don't even want to go back, knowing he's there."
If Heechul thought that Hankyung had the answers, he was mistaken. Hankyung didn't know how to deal with this; or, he did, and his solution would have been to have bury his head in the sand. That had always worked in the past for him. Heechul laughed, low, shaky. "I can't believe I've been losing sleep over this guy," he said.
"You're the only person I've ever wanted to touch," said Hankyung impulsively. "The only person I've ever kissed. The only one to ever tell me to just get over myself. You've chosen me, but you're not mine, because you can't be controlled."
He leaned very close, pressing their foreheads together, because he was incapable of taking his hand. Heechul looked a little shocked. "He's controlling you through fear, still," Hankyung said softly. "Don't let him, Heechul."
Heechul exhaled, strangely loud in the tense silence of the room, and then Hankyung was flat on his back, Heechul on top of him, hands in his hair and mouth against his. "How do you do that," Heechul asked, voice a little muffled because he was still trying to kiss Hankyung. "You don't even know what you're saying and yet it's the right thing."
"I--" began Hankyung, and then door opened.
"Oh, things I never needed to see," said Sungmin.
"Fuck you," said Heechul, and sat back up. Hankyung followed suit, blushing.
"I have been told," said Sungmin, "by Eeteuk no less, to inform you that Hankyung has to leave you alone so you can sleep some more."
"Who is he, my freaking mother?" Heechul rolled his eyes, but Hankyung stood up dutifully.
"I'm going to talk to Siwon," he said, and gave Heechul a pointed look. Heechul rolled his eyes at him too.
"How is hyung?" Siwon wanted to know the second Hankyung stepped into the common room they had taken over for the night. He was anxious, seemed to have been waiting at the doorway for Hankyung coming in. Hankyung led him to an alcove and told him the true reason why Heechul had collapsed. At the mention of Be-ran's name, Siwon's face clouded over. He looked, for the first time Hankyung had known him, actually angry.
"Only person I'd ever like to hit," said Siwon, and Hankyung knew that one hit from Siwon could actually mean death. "He used to treat hyung like a possession, and hyung didn't like that; Ididn't like that, but he considered me to be nothing more than a hanger-on, thought I was in love with hyung and that was the only reason I was around. But hyung, he wouldn't take that, they would never have lasted that much longer if hyung hadn't called it off, but that type of guy, they like to think that they have some sort of claim to people. I guess to Be-ran, the fact that he himself never called time on the relationship means that there's still something there he can have."
Then he stopped for a second, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. "I don't like speaking badly of people, you know that, but he is an exception. I'd be happy if hyung never saw him again. I'd do anything to stop that."
"I don't think Heechul is going to see him again."
Siwon looked relieved. "You don't have to worry about it," he said eagerly, as if Hankyung might have gotten the wrong end of the stick. "I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you, so this talk of ex-boyfriends, you don't have to worry about it."
A letter was written, in which Heechul informed Be-ran that he did not want to meet with him. A first draft had been considered too Heechul-like -- Hankyung did not see the need to antagonize such a character, and the frequent use of 'cuntface' would no doubt have achieved that -- but with Hankyung's slightly softer touch, they managed to write something which they sent. There was no reply back, which seemed like a good thing.
Soon they forgot about it. Instead, their minds became preoccupied with the remaining weeks before summer, and what came before those weeks of freedom -- for the first time in Hankyung's life, he would have to sit mid-year exams. And he was terrified.
Kibum looked very, very bored.
"No, hyung," he said. "The Ganges is in India and Bangladesh. And the Rockies are both in Canada and America."
"I don't know," said Hankyung. "I've never looked at Geography before."
"You taught yourself Korean but nothing about basic Geography?" Heechul sounded incredulous.
"Well, I was interested in Korean," said Hankyung defensively. "I'd heard about this school and thought it might have come in handy at some point. But until I--" He broke off, suddenly remembering that Kibum was there. "I never worked up the courage to talk to my parents about it," he finished lamely.
"Well, what do you know?" asked Kibum.
Very little, was the answer. Hankyung had been in classes at the school for long enough to know that his self-lessons in his bedroom with any materials that he managed to get from his parents were not enough. He was severely lacking in the sort of general knowledge that came easy to all the other students. Korean, he could no doubt get a pass in. Some parts of History, he had a vague idea about. Basic maths, he could just about do. Beyond that, he was ashamed to say that he'd just sort of been drifting in lessons. To admit that he didn't understand anything would have run the risk of being demoted a couple of years, but the senior level work had just gone over his head.
That was why they had now resorted to desperate methods. Kibum, Kyuhyun and Siwon may have been in lower years, but they were far ahead of him in school work. Quickly it was decided that Kibum would teach him geography, chemistry and biology, Kyuhyun would teach him maths and physics, and Siwon would finish up with history and Korean literature. Considering there was only two weeks until the exams, he was most probably screwed.
He kissed Heechul and said solemnly, "Our relationship was fun, but now I must leave you. Duty calls."
"Fuck off," said Heechul in a bored tone and kicked him in the stomach. With a groan, Hankyung sat down in the chair opposite him and Heechul stuck his feet on his lap. "You know," he said, in a sly tone. "If you fail these exams, you can't go home for the summer."
This was the first that Hankyung had heard of this deterrent, which suddenly seemed like a brilliant idea. Failing these exams seemed now like the most logical route. He didn't want to go home this summer anyway, to spend two months sweltering in his bedroom, eating only when his parents left the house because he was tooafraid to face them. Staying this school, where he could at least be in contact with his new friends and Heechul seemed like a far more inviting prospect.
"Ah," said Heechul, looking at him seriously. "I knew you'd go like that. You look like you're hatching a plan; stop it. You're not to fail on purpose."
"You'd never know," Hankyung pointed out.
"I would," said Heechul imperiously. He poked Hankyung in the stomach with a toe. "You're not allowed to fail on purpose."
"Fine," said Hankyung sadly. In this way he spent the next two weeks immersed in textbooks, trying to catch up on all of the education he should have had since he was ten years old. The night before the exams, he understood most basic algebra, could name all the countries in Africa, and knew most of the major battles in World War One. Unfortunately, this would not be enough to get him through. There was no doubt he would be staying at school over the summer, trying to learn enough to pass the resits at the end of the summer.
Though he mentioned it to no one, not even Heechul, it was a load off his mind. He had tried his best, would try his best, but it was apparent that his best wasn't good enough. Therefore, he wouldn't have to go back to China, where he didn't want to be. Even staying at a school without any of the others -- because they would all pass, even if it was just a scraping through. He would be left here by himself, but even that was preferable to what was waiting at home.
The exams were finished in a week and marked over the weekend. True to form, Hankyung got less than ten in every single topic. He was the only third year to fail; the next lowest was in the other class and had least reached the 30/100 which signified a pass. He accepted his failure with ease, causing Heechul to look carefully at him for a moment or two before deciding that everyone needed ice cream.
The results were handed back on the Monday; those who could left on Thursday. The two days between were spent without classes, without constraint. They were two days of perfect sunshine, so they all spent most of the time down by the lake, where they were allowed to swim if there was a teacher present. It seemed, to Hankyung, two days of what the summer could have been if everyone else was staying with him. Saying goodbye come Thursday was going to be difficult.
Or so he thought. It was made easier that Siwon and Heechul left last, together in Heechul's parent's car. After Siwon had got in the car first, Heechul turned, poked him in the stomach and told him to pass this time, and then left. Hankyung shook his head fondly, and suddenly wished that he'd had enough money to buy a mobile phone at some point. Instead, half an hour later, he was called to the administration offices: there was a phone call waiting for him.
"So I thought," said Heechul, "that to pass the time in the car, I'd call you and give you a pop quiz."
"Gee, thanks," said Hankyung. There was Siwon's voice in the background.
"Siwon says that before he left, he put some important notes in his bedside table but forgot to give you them. You can just go in and get them."
"Tell him thanks," said Hankyung.
"Ew," said Heechul, after he had done so. "I think we just passed a dead cat by the side of the road. That was disgusting. You know I have a cat?"
"I didn't know that!"
"Yeah. He lives at home. I make him dance to girl songs and he never scratches me." There was mumbling in the background. "Well, okay, apart from that time where he sunk his claws in my back. I've still got the scars." This last bit was directed at Hankyung.
"What did you do to make him do that?"
"I didn't do anything, cats are just crazy."
"Tried to give it a bath," called Siwon in the background.
"Yes, okay," snapped Heechul. "I tried to give him -- him -- a bath and he scratched me. Like I said, I've still got the scars. I'll show you one day."
"O-okay." Hankyung looked around the offices, at the empty seats and the receptionist sitting behind her desk. If he craned his head, he could see out onto the main hall of the dorm building. It would normally be crawling with students, but now it was completely empty. He tore his eyes away; there was some eerie about it. More than that, it made him feel lonely.
"My back, Hankyung. I'll show you my back."
"Yeah?" Hankyung stood up to get a cup of water from the water cooler in the corner.
"My lower back." Heechul's voice had dropped.
"Yeah?" Hankyung raised the cup to his lips.
"Oh I forgot how sheltered you were. Never mind."
"Eh?" Hankyung threw his cup in the bin, then decided that he needed to get out of the vicinity of the hallway, where the silence seemed deafening. Maybe he'd go up to his room and have a look at the notes that Siwon had left. His life was very sad, he decided.
"No, never mind. You'll find out soon enough, I'm sure."
"What--"
"Oh, we're here now, I'll have to go." There was a long pause, like he was waiting for Hankyung to say something -- or like he was trying to say something himself. "Well, bye."
"Bye." Hankyung leaned against the desk where the phone receiver was and added, "You'll call back, won't you?"
"I'll call tomorrow," said Heechul. "And I'll make you pay me back for my phone bill when you're a rich man."
"Deal," said Hankyung with a laugh.
There was another pause, then Heechul said something so softly that Hankyung almost didn't understand him. "Miss you," he said, and then hung up before Hankyung could say anything back. Hankyung stared at the phone and then put it back, shakily. Then he snatched it back out and pressed the button for redial. He got Heechul's answering system.
"Miss you too," he said, and it came out a lot more confident than he felt. His laugh after he hung back up, for example, was slightly breathless.
Donghae, after his mother and brother had left, hadn't joined them, and seemed to just disappear. Strangely, no one went looking for him, like they had for Hankyung, but Hankyung just assumed they knew where Donghae had gone. When he finally turned up, it was apparent that he had been crying; he looked like Hankyung thought he must have looked the day before by the river. No one said a word about it. Instead, Eunhyuk invited him to play a game with him, something Donghae declined. Kibum, who had his laptop on his knees, slowly laid it aside and let Donghae fold into him, head against his shoulder.
Any strength that Donghae had told himself to have before he entered the room broke when Kibum put his arms around him. His shoulders shook, his breathing ragged, and Kibum murmured into his ear, too quiet to hear. Silence filled the room -- shocked, in Hankyung's case -- before the noise started up again, this time with an effort to be cheerful and not as conflicting as before. All eyes were averted as Kibum sat back and pulled Donghae closer to him, Donghae's legs slung over his lap. Hankyung stood up and went to the alcove that Heechul was sitting at. "What was that about?" he asked, sitting down next to him. Heechul fairly buried into his side; his hands were freezing.
"Donghae's dad died two years ago," Heechul explained, mouth close to his ear so that Donghae couldn't overhear. "Family Day is hard for him because he misses his father all the more, as his absence is more obvious. He feels guilty for being here and not with his mother, but she's the one who insists he stays."
"I never knew," whispered Hankyung. Donghae had always seemed so bright and almost childish; he had had no idea he'd been carrying this with him.
"No," said Heechul. "Well, he doesn't like to talk about it. It doesn't affect him all the time, he generally tries to forget about it, tries to live around it. It's just sometimes, it really hits him. He really, really loved his dad." His eyes were sad. "He was a good man."
"You knew him?" Hankyung was surprised about that.
"Donghae and I have known each other for a while. Although you've only seen the high school section, we were at the middle school section together for about a year. Before that, we used to go to the same summer camp. It's run by this school, for mutants. I met him there."
"I thought your power didn't usually start developing until later on." Hankyung had finally learnt the reason for Hyori's raised eyebrows when he'd told her that his powers had started when he was five. Mainly, your power didn't show itself until puberty, although that didn't mean it was uncommon for it to develop beforehand. His, however, had started at a very early age.
"Sometimes elements begin to show when you're younger. Donghae always won first prize at sports day or something like that. Sometimes things can point to an upcoming mutation. Sometimes people who come to the camp never actual develop mutant powers. It helps a lot when you come to this school." He smiled a little. "Don't mention it to Siwon though, he's the only one out of all of us who never got to go at least once. There was never any sign that he had powers until he fell against the side of his house one day and ended up through it."
That night Eunhyuk slept in Kibum's bed in the room he shared with Kangin. There were no jokes or raised eyebrows when Kibum and Donghae went into Donghae's room together; apparently this happened every time Family Day finished. Donghae had stopped crying but had been silent through most of the evening. The next morning, however, was a different story. He was back to his normal, cheerful self, laughing with Eunhyuk over breakfast because he hadn't watched when he was going that morning and had walked through a wall.
"I was lucky," Eunhyuk said. "Imagine if I couldn't go through walls?"
Hankyung laughed and then ducked as the jug of milk suddenly shot forward and almost cracked him on the head before banging down on the table. "What the hell!" he said, and turned to Heechul sitting next to him. "What the hell was that for?"
Heechul was wide-eyed and white. "I didn't mean to do that," he said solemnly. "I lost control."
"Oh," said Hankyung. "Next time, can you please not lose control in a way that means death for me?"
"Eh, I'll try my best," said Heechul, and poured some of the milk into his coffee. He took a sip, then leaned in and kissed Hankyung. "Sorry," he murmured.
"That's okay," said Hankyung, surprised. "I know you didn't do it on purpose."
Heechul nodded and continued eating breakfast. The whole exchange had left Hankyung a little worried, although no one else seemed to have paid much attention. He felt thrown off, mostly by Heechul's apology. He'd expected Heechul to just dismiss the incident, but Hankyung had seen the shock on Heechul's face. He'd lost control. Hankyung had never seen Heechul lose control.
It kept him puzzled throughout morning classes, during which he luckily didn't have Park, because he didn't pay attention to a single thing that was said. He was too busy watching Heechul out of the corner of his eye, and he got the feeling that Heechul wasn't paying attention either. Instead, he was making his pencil do somersaults in the air for some reason, just staring at it with his chin supported against his hands. He did that right up until lunch, where he was quiet. He didn't snap or bitch or appear annoyed. He sat next to Hankyung, slumped a little, and didn't say a word.
Hankyung watched him throughout the afternoon as well, and when the bell rang and the time for control lessons came, he went over to where Heechul was sitting with his head in his hands, and said quietly, "Heechul, go back to the dorm."
Heechul looked up, frowning. "What?"
"You look like you need to sleep."
"I'm fine."
"No," said Hankyung, still in that quiet tone. "You aren't."
For a second, the pretence dropped. Heechul blinked once, slowly, his eyes tired and dark. Then he scowled, the act back on. "Don't tell me what to do," he said, harshly.
"Please."
"I'm fine, Hankyung. God, stop being like this."
Irritation spread through Hankyung, so he let it go. He'd known that Heechul could be stubborn, but this was slightly different, this just seemed like he was being mean and nasty. Both he and Heechul were silent walking down to control lessons, avoiding each other. "Have you two fought or something?" asked Yehsung in his usual tactful way. "Well, that lasted long."
Hankyung thought that he was just trying to get a rise out of Heechul, whose silence surely hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone other than Hankyung, but Heechul just flicked his hair over his shoulder and walked a little faster, saying nothing. He soon slowed down again, and by the time they reached the doors of the gym, he was actually lagging behind. Hankyung paused and waited for him.
"Heechul," he said, taking his arm. "Please, please don't try to act like you're fine."
"I don't understand what you're talking about," said Heechul scornfully. "I am fine."
"You don't look it and you certainly aren't acting like it," said Hankyung heatedly. "What's wrong? Why won't you tell me?"
Heechul opened his mouth, face like thunder, and then closed it again. He swayed, before his eyes fluttered shut and he fell forwards into Hankyung, unconscious. Hankyung almost dropped him through surprise, but just about managed to get his hands hooked under his shoulders to keep him from hitting the floor. Hauling him over to one of the chairs running down the corridor, Hankyung knelt in front of him and then looked helplessly at his hands. He couldn't feel for a fever. "Hey," he said desperately to someone just about to go into the gym. "GetHyo -- Professor Lee for me."
The teacher was joined by Kangin when she came running out. "I am getting very sick of you people collapsing," she said when she saw Heechul slumped in the chair, and pushed Hankyung out of the way to put her hand to his forehead. "No fever, he's -- ow." She opened her eyes, almost falling backwards onto the floor, and Hankyung was forced to put his hands on her back to keep her upright. "It seems like it's mostly just exhaustion."
"Exhaustion?" Hankyung blinked at her, confused. "So it's not his head?"
"Oh, that's part of it. The fact that he's so tired is meaning that his power is taking more of a toll on him. No doubt he's been a bit slapdash recently?"
Hankyung remembered that morning, when he'd almost been brained by a jug of milk, and nodded. Hyori nodded. "You see? He needs to sleep. Take him back to the dorm."
Kangin carried Heechul, who was heavier than he looked, back to the dorm, and then went back to control lessons. He seemed to have taken a very practical minded approach to the whole thing, clearly believing that a good night's sleep would help Heechul to no end. Hankyung wasn't so sure. There had to be a reason why Heechul was exhausted.
Hankyung was sitting in the alcove by the window when Heechul woke up with a groan. Hankyung stood up to go over to him and handed him a glass of water, which Heechul took, avoiding his eyes. Hankyung sat on the bed.
"I see why you didn't like me shutting everyone out," he said quietly. Heechul laughed softly.
"Yeah," he said. "Not nice, is it?"
"What's wrong, Heechul? Hyori said that you were tired more than anything. Aren't you sleeping?"
Heechul was still and silent for a moment, and then reached over to the bedside table. Opening a drawer, he pulled out an envelope, twisting it a little in his fingers as he sat back in the bed. "Do you remember a while back, when I said I knew what it was like to be in a relationship where you have to be with the other person constantly, always in contact, always in sight?" Hankyung nodded. "And then, even further back, about my mother ringing up to tell me about my ex-boyfriend being back in town?" Another nod. "That's the same guy. I've only had the one boyfriend."
"It was the year before I was set to come to this school. I was fourteen and he was sixteen, and he was nice and charming and I really liked him, and he really liked me. We went out for about four months. My mother loved him -- well, who wouldn't, he was the perfect son. Perfect in every way. My mother still can't believe I let him go, but the truth is, he got too much for me. I didn't like how he was with me. He didn't like it when I spent time with my friends, because he thought I should have been with him. He texted me every half hour, asking me how I was and what I was doing. I'd come home from school and find him in my kitchen, talking to my parents. He acted like I was being ridiculous when I wanted time to myself. He was foul to Siwon, insulting him to his face and always on about how I clearly liked Siwon better than I liked him. He tried to tell me that I couldn't see Siwon anymore, and that I shouldn't use my powers anymore. That's when I snapped. No one tells me what I can and can't do. So I broke up with him."
"He didn't take it well. He went all teary and begged me to reconsider, but I was just sick of him and his bullshit. When I refused to give him a second chance, he changed tactics. I don't know if it was stalking, but it was enough to freak me out. I'd be out in my garden with Siwon or something and he'd walk past and just stare at us. Sometimes he'd be waiting for me after school and say that he'd walk me home, even though I had Siwon. He just never let me alone, keeping on at me, pleasant and nice, so that I felt stupid complaining about it. Siwon is still the only person who knows about it. My mother thinks -- or thought -- I was an idiot for dumping him and I don't want to ruin her perception of him because I bet he was a nice person to her. But I was so glad when I got accepted into this school because I could get away from him. Hankyung, I don't scare easily. You know that. But he -- he scared me. Soon afterwards, he decided to join the army and went away to camp."
"Then I found out he was back, but that wasn't too bad. I mean, it's not like I'm home for that long, a month or two in the summer, a couple of weeks in winter, a week in spring. But then, on Friday, I got this." He held the envelope out to Hankyung, who took it, making sure to not let their fingers brush, and opened up the letter inside of it.
Dear Heechul,
You've probably heard that I'm back in town after my four years training. Next year I'm set to join a battalion about an hour outside of Seoul. I understand that you're still at school, although this must be your last year. We haven't seen each other for so long! I've really missed you a lot; we had something good, don't you think? I always thought that we were good together, and I know that you thought so too. Looking back, I probably seemed a bit intense, although you probably understand now that that is how an adult relationship works out. I apologise for forcing such a relationship onto you at such an early age, but I do hope that you can see that it was simply a demonstration of how real my feelings are.
It seems likely that you will be coming home over the summer holidays. After four long years, I would love to see you again. I feel like we have lots to discuss, such as how we were in the past -- and hopefully, where we will be going in the future.
Yours,
Be-ran
Hankyung finished with a frown on his face. "He wants to meet you again?"
"Apparently so. I don't want to, Hankyung."
Hankyung handed the letter back. "You don't have to," he said simply.
"I don't even want to go back, knowing he's there."
If Heechul thought that Hankyung had the answers, he was mistaken. Hankyung didn't know how to deal with this; or, he did, and his solution would have been to have bury his head in the sand. That had always worked in the past for him. Heechul laughed, low, shaky. "I can't believe I've been losing sleep over this guy," he said.
"You're the only person I've ever wanted to touch," said Hankyung impulsively. "The only person I've ever kissed. The only one to ever tell me to just get over myself. You've chosen me, but you're not mine, because you can't be controlled."
He leaned very close, pressing their foreheads together, because he was incapable of taking his hand. Heechul looked a little shocked. "He's controlling you through fear, still," Hankyung said softly. "Don't let him, Heechul."
Heechul exhaled, strangely loud in the tense silence of the room, and then Hankyung was flat on his back, Heechul on top of him, hands in his hair and mouth against his. "How do you do that," Heechul asked, voice a little muffled because he was still trying to kiss Hankyung. "You don't even know what you're saying and yet it's the right thing."
"I--" began Hankyung, and then door opened.
"Oh, things I never needed to see," said Sungmin.
"Fuck you," said Heechul, and sat back up. Hankyung followed suit, blushing.
"I have been told," said Sungmin, "by Eeteuk no less, to inform you that Hankyung has to leave you alone so you can sleep some more."
"Who is he, my freaking mother?" Heechul rolled his eyes, but Hankyung stood up dutifully.
"I'm going to talk to Siwon," he said, and gave Heechul a pointed look. Heechul rolled his eyes at him too.
"How is hyung?" Siwon wanted to know the second Hankyung stepped into the common room they had taken over for the night. He was anxious, seemed to have been waiting at the doorway for Hankyung coming in. Hankyung led him to an alcove and told him the true reason why Heechul had collapsed. At the mention of Be-ran's name, Siwon's face clouded over. He looked, for the first time Hankyung had known him, actually angry.
"Only person I'd ever like to hit," said Siwon, and Hankyung knew that one hit from Siwon could actually mean death. "He used to treat hyung like a possession, and hyung didn't like that; Ididn't like that, but he considered me to be nothing more than a hanger-on, thought I was in love with hyung and that was the only reason I was around. But hyung, he wouldn't take that, they would never have lasted that much longer if hyung hadn't called it off, but that type of guy, they like to think that they have some sort of claim to people. I guess to Be-ran, the fact that he himself never called time on the relationship means that there's still something there he can have."
Then he stopped for a second, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer. "I don't like speaking badly of people, you know that, but he is an exception. I'd be happy if hyung never saw him again. I'd do anything to stop that."
"I don't think Heechul is going to see him again."
Siwon looked relieved. "You don't have to worry about it," he said eagerly, as if Hankyung might have gotten the wrong end of the stick. "I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you, so this talk of ex-boyfriends, you don't have to worry about it."
A letter was written, in which Heechul informed Be-ran that he did not want to meet with him. A first draft had been considered too Heechul-like -- Hankyung did not see the need to antagonize such a character, and the frequent use of 'cuntface' would no doubt have achieved that -- but with Hankyung's slightly softer touch, they managed to write something which they sent. There was no reply back, which seemed like a good thing.
Soon they forgot about it. Instead, their minds became preoccupied with the remaining weeks before summer, and what came before those weeks of freedom -- for the first time in Hankyung's life, he would have to sit mid-year exams. And he was terrified.
Kibum looked very, very bored.
"No, hyung," he said. "The Ganges is in India and Bangladesh. And the Rockies are both in Canada and America."
"I don't know," said Hankyung. "I've never looked at Geography before."
"You taught yourself Korean but nothing about basic Geography?" Heechul sounded incredulous.
"Well, I was interested in Korean," said Hankyung defensively. "I'd heard about this school and thought it might have come in handy at some point. But until I--" He broke off, suddenly remembering that Kibum was there. "I never worked up the courage to talk to my parents about it," he finished lamely.
"Well, what do you know?" asked Kibum.
Very little, was the answer. Hankyung had been in classes at the school for long enough to know that his self-lessons in his bedroom with any materials that he managed to get from his parents were not enough. He was severely lacking in the sort of general knowledge that came easy to all the other students. Korean, he could no doubt get a pass in. Some parts of History, he had a vague idea about. Basic maths, he could just about do. Beyond that, he was ashamed to say that he'd just sort of been drifting in lessons. To admit that he didn't understand anything would have run the risk of being demoted a couple of years, but the senior level work had just gone over his head.
That was why they had now resorted to desperate methods. Kibum, Kyuhyun and Siwon may have been in lower years, but they were far ahead of him in school work. Quickly it was decided that Kibum would teach him geography, chemistry and biology, Kyuhyun would teach him maths and physics, and Siwon would finish up with history and Korean literature. Considering there was only two weeks until the exams, he was most probably screwed.
He kissed Heechul and said solemnly, "Our relationship was fun, but now I must leave you. Duty calls."
"Fuck off," said Heechul in a bored tone and kicked him in the stomach. With a groan, Hankyung sat down in the chair opposite him and Heechul stuck his feet on his lap. "You know," he said, in a sly tone. "If you fail these exams, you can't go home for the summer."
This was the first that Hankyung had heard of this deterrent, which suddenly seemed like a brilliant idea. Failing these exams seemed now like the most logical route. He didn't want to go home this summer anyway, to spend two months sweltering in his bedroom, eating only when his parents left the house because he was tooafraid to face them. Staying this school, where he could at least be in contact with his new friends and Heechul seemed like a far more inviting prospect.
"Ah," said Heechul, looking at him seriously. "I knew you'd go like that. You look like you're hatching a plan; stop it. You're not to fail on purpose."
"You'd never know," Hankyung pointed out.
"I would," said Heechul imperiously. He poked Hankyung in the stomach with a toe. "You're not allowed to fail on purpose."
"Fine," said Hankyung sadly. In this way he spent the next two weeks immersed in textbooks, trying to catch up on all of the education he should have had since he was ten years old. The night before the exams, he understood most basic algebra, could name all the countries in Africa, and knew most of the major battles in World War One. Unfortunately, this would not be enough to get him through. There was no doubt he would be staying at school over the summer, trying to learn enough to pass the resits at the end of the summer.
Though he mentioned it to no one, not even Heechul, it was a load off his mind. He had tried his best, would try his best, but it was apparent that his best wasn't good enough. Therefore, he wouldn't have to go back to China, where he didn't want to be. Even staying at a school without any of the others -- because they would all pass, even if it was just a scraping through. He would be left here by himself, but even that was preferable to what was waiting at home.
The exams were finished in a week and marked over the weekend. True to form, Hankyung got less than ten in every single topic. He was the only third year to fail; the next lowest was in the other class and had least reached the 30/100 which signified a pass. He accepted his failure with ease, causing Heechul to look carefully at him for a moment or two before deciding that everyone needed ice cream.
The results were handed back on the Monday; those who could left on Thursday. The two days between were spent without classes, without constraint. They were two days of perfect sunshine, so they all spent most of the time down by the lake, where they were allowed to swim if there was a teacher present. It seemed, to Hankyung, two days of what the summer could have been if everyone else was staying with him. Saying goodbye come Thursday was going to be difficult.
Or so he thought. It was made easier that Siwon and Heechul left last, together in Heechul's parent's car. After Siwon had got in the car first, Heechul turned, poked him in the stomach and told him to pass this time, and then left. Hankyung shook his head fondly, and suddenly wished that he'd had enough money to buy a mobile phone at some point. Instead, half an hour later, he was called to the administration offices: there was a phone call waiting for him.
"So I thought," said Heechul, "that to pass the time in the car, I'd call you and give you a pop quiz."
"Gee, thanks," said Hankyung. There was Siwon's voice in the background.
"Siwon says that before he left, he put some important notes in his bedside table but forgot to give you them. You can just go in and get them."
"Tell him thanks," said Hankyung.
"Ew," said Heechul, after he had done so. "I think we just passed a dead cat by the side of the road. That was disgusting. You know I have a cat?"
"I didn't know that!"
"Yeah. He lives at home. I make him dance to girl songs and he never scratches me." There was mumbling in the background. "Well, okay, apart from that time where he sunk his claws in my back. I've still got the scars." This last bit was directed at Hankyung.
"What did you do to make him do that?"
"I didn't do anything, cats are just crazy."
"Tried to give it a bath," called Siwon in the background.
"Yes, okay," snapped Heechul. "I tried to give him -- him -- a bath and he scratched me. Like I said, I've still got the scars. I'll show you one day."
"O-okay." Hankyung looked around the offices, at the empty seats and the receptionist sitting behind her desk. If he craned his head, he could see out onto the main hall of the dorm building. It would normally be crawling with students, but now it was completely empty. He tore his eyes away; there was some eerie about it. More than that, it made him feel lonely.
"My back, Hankyung. I'll show you my back."
"Yeah?" Hankyung stood up to get a cup of water from the water cooler in the corner.
"My lower back." Heechul's voice had dropped.
"Yeah?" Hankyung raised the cup to his lips.
"Oh I forgot how sheltered you were. Never mind."
"Eh?" Hankyung threw his cup in the bin, then decided that he needed to get out of the vicinity of the hallway, where the silence seemed deafening. Maybe he'd go up to his room and have a look at the notes that Siwon had left. His life was very sad, he decided.
"No, never mind. You'll find out soon enough, I'm sure."
"What--"
"Oh, we're here now, I'll have to go." There was a long pause, like he was waiting for Hankyung to say something -- or like he was trying to say something himself. "Well, bye."
"Bye." Hankyung leaned against the desk where the phone receiver was and added, "You'll call back, won't you?"
"I'll call tomorrow," said Heechul. "And I'll make you pay me back for my phone bill when you're a rich man."
"Deal," said Hankyung with a laugh.
There was another pause, then Heechul said something so softly that Hankyung almost didn't understand him. "Miss you," he said, and then hung up before Hankyung could say anything back. Hankyung stared at the phone and then put it back, shakily. Then he snatched it back out and pressed the button for redial. He got Heechul's answering system.
"Miss you too," he said, and it came out a lot more confident than he felt. His laugh after he hung back up, for example, was slightly breathless.
-------------------------------------------
School during the summer was not like school during the rest of the year. Classes were only held in the morning, and they were free to spend their time as they wished, even, in the case of Hankyung, as the only third year, going to the city of an afternoon. The ban since Hankyung and Heechul's incident had been lifted for the holiday as it wouldn't be known that there was still kids at the school, and Hankyung spent most of his time just wandering around, not wanting to be in the school where the possibility of being lonely was proportional to the time spent there. When he wasn't in town, he was down at the lake, not swimming -- since he didn't know how -- but relaxing in the sunshine.
Classes, however, were another matter. Control lessons had stopped, and so even the chance of seeing Hyori and being able to joke with her was out. Instead, it seemed like Park was taking most of the classes -- unfavourably he thought that this was because she had nowhere else to go for the summer, or rather, no one to go to -- and because she was here, she was pissed off. It was all he could do to bite his tongue whenever she laid into him, which seemed to be daily. Korean was his best subject by far, yet it was becoming the subject that he hated the most, simply because it washer usual subject. None of the other teachers who had remained behind gave him such a hard time.
He complained about it on the phone to Heechul, who put up with it for a certain extent before making some comment about just coming back to school since it felt like he had never left. Hankyung took the hint and changed the subject, asking about how things were getting on at home. Heechul was cagey, at best.
"Fine," he said. Hankyung waited.
"Just fine?"
"Well, you know. It's home."
"And do you like being at home?"
"I suppose."
"This is worse than talking to Kibum."
"A couple of people have got anti-mutant posters in their windows," said Heechul, in this quiet tone of voice, as if he was trying to hide fear of some sort. "Most everyone around here knows that Siwon and I are mutants, and I--"
"You're scared they'll come after you," said Hankyung heavily.
"Not me, in particular," said Heechul, a little fiercely. "I mean, Siwon and I can take care of ourselves against a couple of dickheads -- or at least, I can just make Siwon take care of them for me. No, I'm scared they'll wait until we leave, and then attack our families."
"You think that's a possibility?"
"I think that you can't predict what these fuckheads are going to do next," said Heechul, once more showing his flair for language. "One minute they can be your best friend, the next they're trying to blow your head off with a rifle. Be-ran has a poster, in his bedroom window."
It was said so casually, so clearly just an added piece of information, that Hankyung almost overlooked it before it fully sunk in. "What? He has -- how do you know?"
"Saw it. Drove past his window one day when dad was taking me to an old friend's house on his way to work. Obvious as anything, right there in his window, the lightening bolt inside the circle. Guess we know now why he didn't like me using my powers."
"Yeah. Also, since he's army trained and all, probably just as well you didn't use cuntface in everything." The woman sitting behind reception gives him a half-scandalized, half-disappointed look. He ignores both parts.
"No, I still think that was a perfectly legitimate term to apply to his sorry ass. He is a complete and utter cuntface." In the background, Hankyung heard a shocked exclaimation of Heechul's name; from his mother, no doubt. Hankyung heard her ask who they were talking about. "Be-ran," said Heechul breezily.
"Be-ran is a perfectly nice boy," said Heechul's mother.
"Yeah, yeah," said Heechul.
Hankyung's most regular phone calls were obviously from Heechul, although Siwon was often in the background to those and sometimes came to the forefront. Both Sungmin and Ryeowook had, in their usual thoughtful way, sent him a letter, although he hoped that they understood that he had no way to get his own letter back to them, seeing as he didn't understand the Korean postal system. Zhou Mi had even called him once, to chat for half an hour in Mandarin.
The thing was though, Hankyung was used to silence. He was comfortable in silence, he'd known silence for the majority of his life. A love of silence was not something easy to break, but being comfortable alone was. It seemed like he was always doing things by extremes: years of solitude, a few months of being around people constantly, and then sudden solitude again. It was made slightly easier by the contact that he did have, but he knew that if he didn't keep himself busy, that he'd end up sinking back into his thoughts, and thinking about the past.
He probably worked his way through every Chinese book that they had in the school library. He did an hour of Korean practise every night. He studied and studied and studied. He took up drawing, then dropped it immediately. He took up writing, and dropped that even quicker. Then he went and got a Korean book from the library and struggled through that. Heechul, while impressed that he had finished the whole book, was rather worried about Hankyung's mental state.
"It's just," he said, when Hankyung asked what he meant, "finishing a book is not something to throw a party for."
"I'm not throwing a party," said Hankyung, confused. He didn't have anyone he could throw a party with: that was the whole point of his reading the book.
"You're practically bouncing off the ceiling, Hankyung. I can hear it in your voice."
"Well, it was hard to do!"
"Are you really that bored?"
"Yeah," admitted Hankyung. "I'm so bored I could weep. I thought staying at school would have been better but going home and having to deal with the battle of emotions might have been more exciting."
"No, you don't really want to go home."
"No," said Hankyung. "I really don't."
"You've been there two weeks already. It's only a few more. Isn't there a club or something that you can join in town?"
"I have no money, Heechul."
"Right. Well then, you're screwed."
"And you're totally helpful," muttered Hankyung, but quietly and in Chinese, so Heechul couldn't understand.
After hearing about the changes in Heechul's hometown, the posters in bedroom windows, Hankyung began to go to one of the common rooms each morning, early enough to catch the news. Honestly, the news scared him. He'd always been introverted, never really aware of what was happening beyond the walls over whichever place he was housed in, and watching the news always seemed to take his tentative view of the world and break it apart to show him something much bigger, and much more terrifying, than he'd ever thought about before. He had to force himself to watch through most of it, and every day there seemed to be another death or murder. "Police believe it to be suspicious circumstances," and every so often someone would be charged for the murder. The victim turned out to be a mutant alarmingly regularly.
After the third mutant killing in two weeks, Hankyung rang Heechul, but couldn't get through. "I'm rather glad that I'm here," he said soberly to Heechul's answer phone. "It's got to be safer than out there." Then he paused, twisted his fingers in the wire of the telephone, and then added, "Be safe, okay?"
Hankyung didn't manage to get through to Heechul for the next two days either. Worry bit until the secretary caught him and said that someone called Heechul had rang and asked for him, but Hankyung had obviously been out and hadn't answered to the intercom. Hankyung was able to relax a little from then, glad that the lack of contact was through bad timing than anything else. Being left alone with his thoughts was generally not a good thing for Hankyung, since no matter which turn his thoughts of Heechul took -- worrying over his safety, or a decidedly moreerotic turn -- Hankyung was still terrified. He still was not over his feelings of inadequacy.
His exams would take place in the fifth week, with everyone returning thereafter. While he was excited about that, the fourth week suddenly seemed like the bleakest time of his life, counting down the days until that struggle to pass started again. If he didn't pass this time, even just a fleeting pass, then he'd probably be dropped down a year, or two, and if his results weren't any better than his first attempt -- he had, for example, only recieved five marks out of one hundred in his History exam -- there was a chance he could be thrown out of the school. While he felt like he knew a lot more now, he wasn't so sure that he was confident he could pass.
A couple of days into the fourth week, the day after he hadn't managed to get into touch with Heechul, he was on his way down to the main hall, where he could then make his way to a common room and a television, when he heard voices coming through the open front doors, from the driveway outside. Something, mainly just curiosity, made him stop and crane backwards to see who it was. Then he practically fell over backwards. "What the hell," he breathed.
Siwon was pulling a case out of the trunk of a car, a case to keep company with the one currently sitting at Heechul's feet. Heechul rested against it, texting on his phone, looking bored and seemingly not paying attention to the farewell scene playing out behind him. As Hankyung stood, staring, Siwon's parents got back into their car and drove away. Siwon turned to Heechul, who finally looked up from his phone.
"You didn't have to come," he said, quietly.
"I know," said Siwon. "But I wanted to."
"What the fuck," said Hankyung flatly.
Two faces shot around to face him, surprised. Heechul practically dropped his phone before regaining himself and pouting. "Damn it," he said. "Now my surprise is ruined."
"What are you doing here?" asked Hankyung. He found that his voice was a little hoarse; he also hadn't managed to move from the doorway. He was just staring, at Siwon who was avoiding his eyes, at Heechul who was slowly smiling, a lazy smile. He'd dyed his hair again while he was away. It was no longer the faded blonde of the last few weeks of term, but instead brilliant, bright, saturating everything around him -- or maybe Hankyung was just biased. Possibly just biased, because Heechul was here.
Suddenly he had this arms around Heechul's shoulders, hugging him so close it was like he was never going to let go, but he didn't quite remember how he got from the doorway to the drive. Heechul was so tense, the first few moments clearly taking him by surprise, then his fingertips snagged at the hem of Hankyung's t-shirt as he burrowed his nose into his shoulder. Hankyung was as taken by surprise by that as he had been by his own sudden hug. Heechul sighed, breath hot even through the material of Hankyung's shirt.
"Why are you back?" Hankyung asked, when Heechul made no move to pull away.
"Just felt like we'd been away long enough," Heechul muttered.
"Did you miss me?" Hankyung asked with a grin, mostly at Siwon, who was the only one who could see him. Siwon coughed and started to carry both of the cases back inside. Heechul didn't say anything. Hankyung was decidedly confused and wrong-footed. "Hey, is something wrong?"
Heechul pulled back, shaking his head as he did so, so that Hankyung got the faint brush of hair against his jaw for just a moment. "Nothing's wrong," said Heechul, not really sounding confident about that. "I just have a bit of a headache."
"You should rest," said Hankyung uncertainly.
"I should rest," agreed Heechul, and kissed him, just as lazily as his previous smile had been. His eyelids had lowered; he seemed lethargic somehow. "God," he said, fingers still holding onto the material of Hankyung's t-shirt. "I really fucking missed you."
Hankyung smiled, a little unsure what to do with this Heechul but deciding to just go with the flow. "I missed you too."
"Don't say things like that," said Heechul seriously, as he let his head rest on Hankyung's shoulder again.
Hankyung would have just filed the whole strange incident on Heechul being out of sorts seeing him again, but the thing was, Heechul continued to act weird over the next few days. He was remarkably quiet, never saying a word whenever he sat in on the study sessions Siwon started up. Hankyung had improved a lot, according to Siwon; Heechul offered him congratulations in the form of clinging hands. That was the only explanation for it; Heechul was clingy. Hankyung was worried.
It kept him preoccupied, so that his mind slipped off the exams and onto whatever was making Heechul act so oddly. He didn't really notice that he was doing so, it was Siwon who confronted him about it, the Friday of the fourth week when it was just the two of them sitting in an empty classroom. Heechul was resting, after a headache had started up soon after breakfast. Hankyung wasn't listening to a word Siwon was saying.
"You aren't listening to a word I'm saying," accused Siwon, sounding truly annoyed rather than playing around. Hankyung blushed.
"Sorry," he said. "I was just -- Heechul's acting odd."
Heechul wasn't the only one. Siwon had carried a vaguely disapproving air around with him ever since they had come back, and now he avoided Hankyung's eyes again and lowered his head, muttering something. It was quiet, but not quiet enough that Hankyung didn't pick up on it.
"He's feeling guilty?" There was only one reason that Hankyung could think of to explain why Heechul could possibly feel guilty, and the idea of it made a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck. "Why? Did he cheat on me or something?"
"No!" Siwon's denial was rather violent; the pen he had been holding snapped in half. "No, of course he didn't, hyung would never -- no, something happened and he -- doesn't want me to talk about it."
"No, he doesn't want you to tell me," said Hankyung, knowing there was a difference. One was just avoiding a subject, the other was keeping a secret. "You've already opened the can of worms, Siwon, you might as well tell me the rest."
Siwon wasn't happy about it, but Hankyung wasn't happy about the secret. He recognised that there was something hypocritical in that, since he, too, had a secret that he was refusing to tell, but this seemed different, somehow, or maybe he was just being selfish in being curious. Whatever it was, he felt like he had a right to know, especially since it was affecting his relationship with Heechul.
Siwon bit his lip, deliberating, and then said; "When we were away, we ran into Be-ran. We were on our way to the house to an old school friend of mine, hyung had tagged along since he had nothing better to do. Someone called hyung's name. I didn't recognise the voice, but hyung clearly did. He told me to continue walking, so I did, but the person shouted again, closer now, and we had to turn to see him."
"Be-ran."
"Looking different than I remember. Of course, he'd been in the military, of course he'd bulked out, and he'd always been cocky, but there was something disturbing about it. He, as usual, ignored my existence. 'Didn't you get my letter?' he asked hyung. Surprised, hyung replied that he had, and that he'd sent a reply back. Be-ran acted -- and it was so obvious that he was acting -- like he didn't know what hyung was talking about. He asked to talk. Hyung refused."
Siwon lay his pen down, taking a deep breath. "Be-ran took hold of hyung's arm, and refused to let go. When I stepped forward to help, hyung held out his free arm and stopped me. 'You're mine, Kim Heechul, you're mine', he kept saying. Hyung pointed out that he was a mutant -- and I just knew, Iknew that hyung was trying to get through this without violence, because Be-ran is so unpredictable -- and Be-ran said that it didn't matter. He said that he could get rid of the mutant, he knew of ways, hyung wouldn't have to be a freak any longer."
Siwon's voice had been steadily dropping. "Hyung asked how, he asked what kind of ways. Be-ran started listing all these groups of people who claimed to be able to get rid of whatever makes us mutants. 'They don't work, Be-ran', hyung said, and Be-ran changed tack. He accused hyung of having another guy. He said that was why he wouldn't change for him, that was why he wouldn't do what Be-ran asked. He called him a whore, pointed to me and accused him of sleeping with me. He said that just because hyung had a pretty face didn't make him a good person, and that he wasn't worthy of anyone or anything. That was when hyung dropped his arm and I dislocated Be-ran's shoulder pushing him away."
Hankyung was putting two and two together and possibly getting five. "He didn't believe him, did he?"
Siwon laughed, devoid of humour. "I don't know about that, although you've seen how quiet he's been since then. I know the whole thing freaked him out, but he doesn't like to talk about the things that freak him out, so it became this secret and he feels guilty about keeping it a secret. It freaked him out enough to use wanting to see you as an excuse for coming back to school early."
"And so you came back."
"Two days later."
Hankyung threw his pen down and ran a hand over his face. "Why does he even feel it needs to be a secret?"
"You should know as well as anyone that hyung is not as confident as he makes himself out to be," said Siwon softly, scratching something out on his paper with a pen.
Heechul was asleep when Hankyung arrived at his bedroom. Sungmin's side of the room was still as clean and tidy as it had been when he'd left. Heechul's side was strewn with articles of clothing, empty water bottles, pieces of paper. He was lying on his back when Hankyung came in, head tipped to the side and one arm flung out. Slowly, hoping that Heechul wouldn't wake, Hankyung lay down on the bed on top of the covers, slightly raised up so that he could look down at Heechul's head.
He put a hand out and touched his hair. All he felt was pressure against the leather. Heechul's hair looked soft, but Hankyung had no way of knowing. He'd been practising secretly over the summer, but had only managed to extend the delay of time before whatever he touched died by ten seconds. Ten seconds was not enough time to know the feeling of Heechul's hair, the silk of his skin, it wasn't enough to know anything.
He couldn't touch Heechul with his own bare skin, and that made him scared. A lack of contact seemed to suggest to him that there would be a lack of intimacy, like they would never really be together unless they could touch. He was wondering, his stomach sinking as he did so, if maybe this was just a pointless venture, when Heechul stirred and pushed his head in the direction of Hankyung's touch. Hankyung pulled away like he'd been branded.
"Don't," murmured Heechul, reaching up and taking his wrist. "You don't have to be scared of touching me."
"You don't have to be scared of telling me things," said Hankyung, softly but pointedly. Heechul's entire body tensed up as he let Hankyung go, and he turned on his other side, back to Hankyung.
"Siwon told you?"
"Because I had a right to know."
"It's not that I believe what he said," Heechul said sharply. "I'm not a whore and I'm not worthless, I don't give a fuck what that idiot thinks. I just couldn't help wondering -- what went wrong? Why did this person that I once really liked suddenly become like this?" He shifted back onto his back. "I felt -- my thoughts were full of him when I claimed to want to see him."
Hankyung, who had never had anything of his own and wasn't a possessive person, didn't really see what the problem was. "But it's not like you were thinking that you wanted to get back with him?"
"No, of course not!"
"Then I...really don't understand the problem."
Heechul rolled his eyes. "The problem is that you're an idiot too, so I'm wondering what it is about me that attracts idiots."
"I'm not an idiot."
"Whatever you say, Mr I-Got-Less-Than-Ten-In--" And then he stopped, because Hankyung kissed him.
Since he'd come back, Heechul had not initiated anything like this, and Hankyung did it only because he was astounded at how convoluted they were getting. He'd been thinking all along that he wasn't good enough for Heechul, and Heechul had been thinking something similar; he kissed Heechul to feel him shift on the bed, to let Hankyung roll on top and kiss him so hard that he couldn't breathe. He kissed him to hear Heechul moan and arch up into him, pushing a knee between his thighs.
That was when Hankyung jolted back.
He couldn't have painted himself out as more of a virgin if he'd tried, but he really just couldn't help it, it was an inate reaction. He jolted back far enough that Heechul was able to completely sit up, pushing his hair wearily back from his eyes. "Yeah," he muttered, more to himself than anyone else, "because that installs confidence in me."
"I can't--" Quite what he couldn't do, Hankyung didn't know. He seemed to be living life in this constant state of uncertainty. "I can't do it, I don't know how to--"
"Calm down," said Heechul calmly. "I understand."
He swept the cover from his bottom half, revealing legs clad in old looking shorts, now too small for him. He made to move off the bed, but Hankyung, on impusle, caught hold of his ankle and held him still. Then, after thinking for a second, he kissed Heechul's knee. "Urgh," said Heechul, trying to push his head away. "Get off me, stop being like that."
"I'm sorry," said Hankyung, chin now resting on Heechul's knee. Heechul's leg twitched, as if he wanted to kick him away, but was thinking better of it since he quite liked Hankyung's face. Instead he put his palm directly across Hankyung's face and pushed him away like that, muffling Hankyung's noise of surprise and indignation, and meaning that he could now jump out of bed.
"You have exams," he said, pointing imperiously at Hankyung, his other hand on his cocked hip. "Exams which you are going to pass."
Hankyung tore his gaze away from Heechul's legs, and nodded.
That weekend, Hankyung barely got any sunshine, but at least neither of the other two gained any either. They holed up in spare classrooms, Hankyung bent over textbooks and notes and flashcards, trying to cram anything he could into his brain in the least possible amount of time. Siwon would stop him every half an hour and test him on a random subject, like the most terrifying pop-quiz Hankyung had ever had, since Heechul was there, and Heechul was scornful when Hankyung got things wrong.
"You are the worst teachers ever," he grumbled, after Heechul told him that if he didn't pick himself up, he'd fail and have to join Henry in the remedial Korean class.
"I'm not!" said Siwon indignantly.
"Okay, he's the worst teacher ever," said Hankyung, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at Heechul, who was drawing random things on the blackboard.
"I'm not here to teach," said Heechul in a very sing-song tone. "I'm here to bolster."
"I remember," said Hankyung, articulating clearly, "when I didn't like you."
"Message for you," said Heechul, and Hankyung turned around to find that Heechul had written your Korean sucks on the blackboard.
Really, Hankyung had done it to himself, by doing all that he could to stop Heechul from being clingy and strange and quiet. He'd done all he could to bring back the old Heechul because honestly, heliked the bitchy, sarcastic, vain Heechul. God only knew why, but that was the Heechul that he was probably, kind of, maybe in love with. He concentrated a lot harder when he knew that Heechul was watching. He tried harder. The Heechul who insulted him was also the Heechul who managed to help him achieve a pass mark in all of his summer exams.
Classes, however, were another matter. Control lessons had stopped, and so even the chance of seeing Hyori and being able to joke with her was out. Instead, it seemed like Park was taking most of the classes -- unfavourably he thought that this was because she had nowhere else to go for the summer, or rather, no one to go to -- and because she was here, she was pissed off. It was all he could do to bite his tongue whenever she laid into him, which seemed to be daily. Korean was his best subject by far, yet it was becoming the subject that he hated the most, simply because it washer usual subject. None of the other teachers who had remained behind gave him such a hard time.
He complained about it on the phone to Heechul, who put up with it for a certain extent before making some comment about just coming back to school since it felt like he had never left. Hankyung took the hint and changed the subject, asking about how things were getting on at home. Heechul was cagey, at best.
"Fine," he said. Hankyung waited.
"Just fine?"
"Well, you know. It's home."
"And do you like being at home?"
"I suppose."
"This is worse than talking to Kibum."
"A couple of people have got anti-mutant posters in their windows," said Heechul, in this quiet tone of voice, as if he was trying to hide fear of some sort. "Most everyone around here knows that Siwon and I are mutants, and I--"
"You're scared they'll come after you," said Hankyung heavily.
"Not me, in particular," said Heechul, a little fiercely. "I mean, Siwon and I can take care of ourselves against a couple of dickheads -- or at least, I can just make Siwon take care of them for me. No, I'm scared they'll wait until we leave, and then attack our families."
"You think that's a possibility?"
"I think that you can't predict what these fuckheads are going to do next," said Heechul, once more showing his flair for language. "One minute they can be your best friend, the next they're trying to blow your head off with a rifle. Be-ran has a poster, in his bedroom window."
It was said so casually, so clearly just an added piece of information, that Hankyung almost overlooked it before it fully sunk in. "What? He has -- how do you know?"
"Saw it. Drove past his window one day when dad was taking me to an old friend's house on his way to work. Obvious as anything, right there in his window, the lightening bolt inside the circle. Guess we know now why he didn't like me using my powers."
"Yeah. Also, since he's army trained and all, probably just as well you didn't use cuntface in everything." The woman sitting behind reception gives him a half-scandalized, half-disappointed look. He ignores both parts.
"No, I still think that was a perfectly legitimate term to apply to his sorry ass. He is a complete and utter cuntface." In the background, Hankyung heard a shocked exclaimation of Heechul's name; from his mother, no doubt. Hankyung heard her ask who they were talking about. "Be-ran," said Heechul breezily.
"Be-ran is a perfectly nice boy," said Heechul's mother.
"Yeah, yeah," said Heechul.
Hankyung's most regular phone calls were obviously from Heechul, although Siwon was often in the background to those and sometimes came to the forefront. Both Sungmin and Ryeowook had, in their usual thoughtful way, sent him a letter, although he hoped that they understood that he had no way to get his own letter back to them, seeing as he didn't understand the Korean postal system. Zhou Mi had even called him once, to chat for half an hour in Mandarin.
The thing was though, Hankyung was used to silence. He was comfortable in silence, he'd known silence for the majority of his life. A love of silence was not something easy to break, but being comfortable alone was. It seemed like he was always doing things by extremes: years of solitude, a few months of being around people constantly, and then sudden solitude again. It was made slightly easier by the contact that he did have, but he knew that if he didn't keep himself busy, that he'd end up sinking back into his thoughts, and thinking about the past.
He probably worked his way through every Chinese book that they had in the school library. He did an hour of Korean practise every night. He studied and studied and studied. He took up drawing, then dropped it immediately. He took up writing, and dropped that even quicker. Then he went and got a Korean book from the library and struggled through that. Heechul, while impressed that he had finished the whole book, was rather worried about Hankyung's mental state.
"It's just," he said, when Hankyung asked what he meant, "finishing a book is not something to throw a party for."
"I'm not throwing a party," said Hankyung, confused. He didn't have anyone he could throw a party with: that was the whole point of his reading the book.
"You're practically bouncing off the ceiling, Hankyung. I can hear it in your voice."
"Well, it was hard to do!"
"Are you really that bored?"
"Yeah," admitted Hankyung. "I'm so bored I could weep. I thought staying at school would have been better but going home and having to deal with the battle of emotions might have been more exciting."
"No, you don't really want to go home."
"No," said Hankyung. "I really don't."
"You've been there two weeks already. It's only a few more. Isn't there a club or something that you can join in town?"
"I have no money, Heechul."
"Right. Well then, you're screwed."
"And you're totally helpful," muttered Hankyung, but quietly and in Chinese, so Heechul couldn't understand.
After hearing about the changes in Heechul's hometown, the posters in bedroom windows, Hankyung began to go to one of the common rooms each morning, early enough to catch the news. Honestly, the news scared him. He'd always been introverted, never really aware of what was happening beyond the walls over whichever place he was housed in, and watching the news always seemed to take his tentative view of the world and break it apart to show him something much bigger, and much more terrifying, than he'd ever thought about before. He had to force himself to watch through most of it, and every day there seemed to be another death or murder. "Police believe it to be suspicious circumstances," and every so often someone would be charged for the murder. The victim turned out to be a mutant alarmingly regularly.
After the third mutant killing in two weeks, Hankyung rang Heechul, but couldn't get through. "I'm rather glad that I'm here," he said soberly to Heechul's answer phone. "It's got to be safer than out there." Then he paused, twisted his fingers in the wire of the telephone, and then added, "Be safe, okay?"
Hankyung didn't manage to get through to Heechul for the next two days either. Worry bit until the secretary caught him and said that someone called Heechul had rang and asked for him, but Hankyung had obviously been out and hadn't answered to the intercom. Hankyung was able to relax a little from then, glad that the lack of contact was through bad timing than anything else. Being left alone with his thoughts was generally not a good thing for Hankyung, since no matter which turn his thoughts of Heechul took -- worrying over his safety, or a decidedly moreerotic turn -- Hankyung was still terrified. He still was not over his feelings of inadequacy.
His exams would take place in the fifth week, with everyone returning thereafter. While he was excited about that, the fourth week suddenly seemed like the bleakest time of his life, counting down the days until that struggle to pass started again. If he didn't pass this time, even just a fleeting pass, then he'd probably be dropped down a year, or two, and if his results weren't any better than his first attempt -- he had, for example, only recieved five marks out of one hundred in his History exam -- there was a chance he could be thrown out of the school. While he felt like he knew a lot more now, he wasn't so sure that he was confident he could pass.
A couple of days into the fourth week, the day after he hadn't managed to get into touch with Heechul, he was on his way down to the main hall, where he could then make his way to a common room and a television, when he heard voices coming through the open front doors, from the driveway outside. Something, mainly just curiosity, made him stop and crane backwards to see who it was. Then he practically fell over backwards. "What the hell," he breathed.
Siwon was pulling a case out of the trunk of a car, a case to keep company with the one currently sitting at Heechul's feet. Heechul rested against it, texting on his phone, looking bored and seemingly not paying attention to the farewell scene playing out behind him. As Hankyung stood, staring, Siwon's parents got back into their car and drove away. Siwon turned to Heechul, who finally looked up from his phone.
"You didn't have to come," he said, quietly.
"I know," said Siwon. "But I wanted to."
"What the fuck," said Hankyung flatly.
Two faces shot around to face him, surprised. Heechul practically dropped his phone before regaining himself and pouting. "Damn it," he said. "Now my surprise is ruined."
"What are you doing here?" asked Hankyung. He found that his voice was a little hoarse; he also hadn't managed to move from the doorway. He was just staring, at Siwon who was avoiding his eyes, at Heechul who was slowly smiling, a lazy smile. He'd dyed his hair again while he was away. It was no longer the faded blonde of the last few weeks of term, but instead brilliant, bright, saturating everything around him -- or maybe Hankyung was just biased. Possibly just biased, because Heechul was here.
Suddenly he had this arms around Heechul's shoulders, hugging him so close it was like he was never going to let go, but he didn't quite remember how he got from the doorway to the drive. Heechul was so tense, the first few moments clearly taking him by surprise, then his fingertips snagged at the hem of Hankyung's t-shirt as he burrowed his nose into his shoulder. Hankyung was as taken by surprise by that as he had been by his own sudden hug. Heechul sighed, breath hot even through the material of Hankyung's shirt.
"Why are you back?" Hankyung asked, when Heechul made no move to pull away.
"Just felt like we'd been away long enough," Heechul muttered.
"Did you miss me?" Hankyung asked with a grin, mostly at Siwon, who was the only one who could see him. Siwon coughed and started to carry both of the cases back inside. Heechul didn't say anything. Hankyung was decidedly confused and wrong-footed. "Hey, is something wrong?"
Heechul pulled back, shaking his head as he did so, so that Hankyung got the faint brush of hair against his jaw for just a moment. "Nothing's wrong," said Heechul, not really sounding confident about that. "I just have a bit of a headache."
"You should rest," said Hankyung uncertainly.
"I should rest," agreed Heechul, and kissed him, just as lazily as his previous smile had been. His eyelids had lowered; he seemed lethargic somehow. "God," he said, fingers still holding onto the material of Hankyung's t-shirt. "I really fucking missed you."
Hankyung smiled, a little unsure what to do with this Heechul but deciding to just go with the flow. "I missed you too."
"Don't say things like that," said Heechul seriously, as he let his head rest on Hankyung's shoulder again.
Hankyung would have just filed the whole strange incident on Heechul being out of sorts seeing him again, but the thing was, Heechul continued to act weird over the next few days. He was remarkably quiet, never saying a word whenever he sat in on the study sessions Siwon started up. Hankyung had improved a lot, according to Siwon; Heechul offered him congratulations in the form of clinging hands. That was the only explanation for it; Heechul was clingy. Hankyung was worried.
It kept him preoccupied, so that his mind slipped off the exams and onto whatever was making Heechul act so oddly. He didn't really notice that he was doing so, it was Siwon who confronted him about it, the Friday of the fourth week when it was just the two of them sitting in an empty classroom. Heechul was resting, after a headache had started up soon after breakfast. Hankyung wasn't listening to a word Siwon was saying.
"You aren't listening to a word I'm saying," accused Siwon, sounding truly annoyed rather than playing around. Hankyung blushed.
"Sorry," he said. "I was just -- Heechul's acting odd."
Heechul wasn't the only one. Siwon had carried a vaguely disapproving air around with him ever since they had come back, and now he avoided Hankyung's eyes again and lowered his head, muttering something. It was quiet, but not quiet enough that Hankyung didn't pick up on it.
"He's feeling guilty?" There was only one reason that Hankyung could think of to explain why Heechul could possibly feel guilty, and the idea of it made a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck. "Why? Did he cheat on me or something?"
"No!" Siwon's denial was rather violent; the pen he had been holding snapped in half. "No, of course he didn't, hyung would never -- no, something happened and he -- doesn't want me to talk about it."
"No, he doesn't want you to tell me," said Hankyung, knowing there was a difference. One was just avoiding a subject, the other was keeping a secret. "You've already opened the can of worms, Siwon, you might as well tell me the rest."
Siwon wasn't happy about it, but Hankyung wasn't happy about the secret. He recognised that there was something hypocritical in that, since he, too, had a secret that he was refusing to tell, but this seemed different, somehow, or maybe he was just being selfish in being curious. Whatever it was, he felt like he had a right to know, especially since it was affecting his relationship with Heechul.
Siwon bit his lip, deliberating, and then said; "When we were away, we ran into Be-ran. We were on our way to the house to an old school friend of mine, hyung had tagged along since he had nothing better to do. Someone called hyung's name. I didn't recognise the voice, but hyung clearly did. He told me to continue walking, so I did, but the person shouted again, closer now, and we had to turn to see him."
"Be-ran."
"Looking different than I remember. Of course, he'd been in the military, of course he'd bulked out, and he'd always been cocky, but there was something disturbing about it. He, as usual, ignored my existence. 'Didn't you get my letter?' he asked hyung. Surprised, hyung replied that he had, and that he'd sent a reply back. Be-ran acted -- and it was so obvious that he was acting -- like he didn't know what hyung was talking about. He asked to talk. Hyung refused."
Siwon lay his pen down, taking a deep breath. "Be-ran took hold of hyung's arm, and refused to let go. When I stepped forward to help, hyung held out his free arm and stopped me. 'You're mine, Kim Heechul, you're mine', he kept saying. Hyung pointed out that he was a mutant -- and I just knew, Iknew that hyung was trying to get through this without violence, because Be-ran is so unpredictable -- and Be-ran said that it didn't matter. He said that he could get rid of the mutant, he knew of ways, hyung wouldn't have to be a freak any longer."
Siwon's voice had been steadily dropping. "Hyung asked how, he asked what kind of ways. Be-ran started listing all these groups of people who claimed to be able to get rid of whatever makes us mutants. 'They don't work, Be-ran', hyung said, and Be-ran changed tack. He accused hyung of having another guy. He said that was why he wouldn't change for him, that was why he wouldn't do what Be-ran asked. He called him a whore, pointed to me and accused him of sleeping with me. He said that just because hyung had a pretty face didn't make him a good person, and that he wasn't worthy of anyone or anything. That was when hyung dropped his arm and I dislocated Be-ran's shoulder pushing him away."
Hankyung was putting two and two together and possibly getting five. "He didn't believe him, did he?"
Siwon laughed, devoid of humour. "I don't know about that, although you've seen how quiet he's been since then. I know the whole thing freaked him out, but he doesn't like to talk about the things that freak him out, so it became this secret and he feels guilty about keeping it a secret. It freaked him out enough to use wanting to see you as an excuse for coming back to school early."
"And so you came back."
"Two days later."
Hankyung threw his pen down and ran a hand over his face. "Why does he even feel it needs to be a secret?"
"You should know as well as anyone that hyung is not as confident as he makes himself out to be," said Siwon softly, scratching something out on his paper with a pen.
Heechul was asleep when Hankyung arrived at his bedroom. Sungmin's side of the room was still as clean and tidy as it had been when he'd left. Heechul's side was strewn with articles of clothing, empty water bottles, pieces of paper. He was lying on his back when Hankyung came in, head tipped to the side and one arm flung out. Slowly, hoping that Heechul wouldn't wake, Hankyung lay down on the bed on top of the covers, slightly raised up so that he could look down at Heechul's head.
He put a hand out and touched his hair. All he felt was pressure against the leather. Heechul's hair looked soft, but Hankyung had no way of knowing. He'd been practising secretly over the summer, but had only managed to extend the delay of time before whatever he touched died by ten seconds. Ten seconds was not enough time to know the feeling of Heechul's hair, the silk of his skin, it wasn't enough to know anything.
He couldn't touch Heechul with his own bare skin, and that made him scared. A lack of contact seemed to suggest to him that there would be a lack of intimacy, like they would never really be together unless they could touch. He was wondering, his stomach sinking as he did so, if maybe this was just a pointless venture, when Heechul stirred and pushed his head in the direction of Hankyung's touch. Hankyung pulled away like he'd been branded.
"Don't," murmured Heechul, reaching up and taking his wrist. "You don't have to be scared of touching me."
"You don't have to be scared of telling me things," said Hankyung, softly but pointedly. Heechul's entire body tensed up as he let Hankyung go, and he turned on his other side, back to Hankyung.
"Siwon told you?"
"Because I had a right to know."
"It's not that I believe what he said," Heechul said sharply. "I'm not a whore and I'm not worthless, I don't give a fuck what that idiot thinks. I just couldn't help wondering -- what went wrong? Why did this person that I once really liked suddenly become like this?" He shifted back onto his back. "I felt -- my thoughts were full of him when I claimed to want to see him."
Hankyung, who had never had anything of his own and wasn't a possessive person, didn't really see what the problem was. "But it's not like you were thinking that you wanted to get back with him?"
"No, of course not!"
"Then I...really don't understand the problem."
Heechul rolled his eyes. "The problem is that you're an idiot too, so I'm wondering what it is about me that attracts idiots."
"I'm not an idiot."
"Whatever you say, Mr I-Got-Less-Than-Ten-In--" And then he stopped, because Hankyung kissed him.
Since he'd come back, Heechul had not initiated anything like this, and Hankyung did it only because he was astounded at how convoluted they were getting. He'd been thinking all along that he wasn't good enough for Heechul, and Heechul had been thinking something similar; he kissed Heechul to feel him shift on the bed, to let Hankyung roll on top and kiss him so hard that he couldn't breathe. He kissed him to hear Heechul moan and arch up into him, pushing a knee between his thighs.
That was when Hankyung jolted back.
He couldn't have painted himself out as more of a virgin if he'd tried, but he really just couldn't help it, it was an inate reaction. He jolted back far enough that Heechul was able to completely sit up, pushing his hair wearily back from his eyes. "Yeah," he muttered, more to himself than anyone else, "because that installs confidence in me."
"I can't--" Quite what he couldn't do, Hankyung didn't know. He seemed to be living life in this constant state of uncertainty. "I can't do it, I don't know how to--"
"Calm down," said Heechul calmly. "I understand."
He swept the cover from his bottom half, revealing legs clad in old looking shorts, now too small for him. He made to move off the bed, but Hankyung, on impusle, caught hold of his ankle and held him still. Then, after thinking for a second, he kissed Heechul's knee. "Urgh," said Heechul, trying to push his head away. "Get off me, stop being like that."
"I'm sorry," said Hankyung, chin now resting on Heechul's knee. Heechul's leg twitched, as if he wanted to kick him away, but was thinking better of it since he quite liked Hankyung's face. Instead he put his palm directly across Hankyung's face and pushed him away like that, muffling Hankyung's noise of surprise and indignation, and meaning that he could now jump out of bed.
"You have exams," he said, pointing imperiously at Hankyung, his other hand on his cocked hip. "Exams which you are going to pass."
Hankyung tore his gaze away from Heechul's legs, and nodded.
That weekend, Hankyung barely got any sunshine, but at least neither of the other two gained any either. They holed up in spare classrooms, Hankyung bent over textbooks and notes and flashcards, trying to cram anything he could into his brain in the least possible amount of time. Siwon would stop him every half an hour and test him on a random subject, like the most terrifying pop-quiz Hankyung had ever had, since Heechul was there, and Heechul was scornful when Hankyung got things wrong.
"You are the worst teachers ever," he grumbled, after Heechul told him that if he didn't pick himself up, he'd fail and have to join Henry in the remedial Korean class.
"I'm not!" said Siwon indignantly.
"Okay, he's the worst teacher ever," said Hankyung, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at Heechul, who was drawing random things on the blackboard.
"I'm not here to teach," said Heechul in a very sing-song tone. "I'm here to bolster."
"I remember," said Hankyung, articulating clearly, "when I didn't like you."
"Message for you," said Heechul, and Hankyung turned around to find that Heechul had written your Korean sucks on the blackboard.
Really, Hankyung had done it to himself, by doing all that he could to stop Heechul from being clingy and strange and quiet. He'd done all he could to bring back the old Heechul because honestly, heliked the bitchy, sarcastic, vain Heechul. God only knew why, but that was the Heechul that he was probably, kind of, maybe in love with. He concentrated a lot harder when he knew that Heechul was watching. He tried harder. The Heechul who insulted him was also the Heechul who managed to help him achieve a pass mark in all of his summer exams.
.............................................................
They celebrated Hankyung's passes in everything by first pinning the mark sheet to the pinboard in his and Siwon's room. Then they had ice cream. Then they went down to the lake and were complete and utter retards for the rest of the weekend until everyone came back on the Sunday night. It was, by far, the best weekend of Hankyung's life. He told Siwon this, and Siwon beamed and said he was glad he was part of it then. He told Heechul this, and he just snorted.
The others came back much like they had left, in dribs and drabs. Henry had been the first to leave and was the first to arrive, early on Sunday morning, jetlagged from his flight from Canada. He stumbled in with his luggage from the taxi and Siwon, who had been commisioned by the teachers to help with the luggage, immediately told him to get to bed. Almost as though this was what he had been waiting for, Henry jumped on the order and stumbled up to bed, where he stayed until dinner was about to start.
Those from Seoul arrived earliest for those in Korea, as the capital was only a couple of hours away. Yehsung was first, heading the line which consisted of Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Kangin, Eunhyuk and Shindong. Siwon, who had been about to help a first year, looked pleadingly at Kangin, who had been roped into help, who sighed and let Siwon take Sungmin's luggage for him. Heechul, standing to the side with Hankyung and watching everything that was going on, made a "che" noise with his tongue. Sungmin hugged Siwon around the waist, then pulled back to say something. Siwon grinned all over his face and pulled Sungmin back in for another hug. Although looking surprised, Sungmin didn't look opposed to it; he was half-laughing over Siwon's shoulder.
"Well," said Heechul. "That's new."
"Siwon," said Sungmin, slightly hoarse. "You're crushing me."
"Ah, sorry!" said Siwon, sounding embarrassed and totally freaked out, letting go immediately. Sungmin, however, was laughing.
"Just joking," he said, and patted Siwon on the chest. Siwon looked like he had stars in his vision.
Eeteuk had managed to break his foot when he was away after his young cousin dropped one of his toys on it. He hobbled out of his parent's car and was immediately accosted by Kangin, demanding to know what had happened. Eeteuk laughed, softly, told him that it was nothing to worry about, and then directed him to his luggage. Very, very softly, Kangin hugged him with one arm. Eeteuk smiled at him, but said that he still needed to take his luggage.
"Hey," said Heechul, calling Kangin over when he came back outside, Eeteuk nowhere to be found anymore. Kangin looked at him expectantly. "You and Eeteuk, never going to happen."
"You and tact," quipped Kangin. "Never gonna happen," and Heechul hit him over the head with a nearby suitcase.
Ryeowook arrived from Incheon shortly afterwards, Yehsung waiting for him outside. Their quietly happy reunion was commented on by many people, although opinions were mixed from the belief that it was cute (Sungmin) to it being disgusting and sickening (Kangin and Heechul). Luckily, Sungmin was not there to see the reunion between Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. No doubt he wouldn't have bestowed the same title on that. Kyuhyun, sitting on a wall and tapping at a hand-held games console, was suddenly accosted by a flailing set of limbs, probably belonging to Zhou Mi, though it was hard to tell at the beginning. No one quite knew where Zhou Mi had come from, which was strange since he was so goddamn tall, and for a short while he simply would not stop hugging Kyuhyun.
"I missed you!" he kept saying in Chinese, and kept saying it until Kyuhyun, exasperated perhaps to the point of annoyance, replied "I missed you too! Now will you speak Korean?"
Zhou Mi seemed to pause in time, he went so still. Then, with a look of great concentration on his face, he said, in Korean, "Oh my god, I think I've forgotten everything."
"Well, you remembered that," said Kyuhyun, turning back to his game.
Kibum was later, but in much the same state as Henry after his flight back from California. He slurred a welcome at Heechul, and then stood there and yawned until Heechul rolled his eyes and started pushing him up the stairs. "Kibum is only human when he's tired," he flung over his shoulder at Hankyung below. Kibum also didn't remember anything that happened when he was tired once he had woken up. He was back to his quiet, nonresponsive self by the time Donghae arrived, later than everyone else, after the sun had set.
Donghae had had to catch a train, and when he arrived at the school, there was no denying the redness of his eyes, but he cheerfully greeted everyone. Kibum silently hugged him and let him cling for just that bit too long, rubbing his hand against the back of Donghae's head soothingly. Then Siwon quietly said he'd take Donghae's luggage, and Donghae pulled away and grinned and started to walk inside the school, holding Kibum's hand.
"How was your summer?" he trilled, the question directed at everyone, and as such he got an answer from everyone at exactly the same time. He let them die down, and ignored every single person when he turned to Hankyung and said, "Congratulations on passing!"
Hankyung was still very proud of doing so, so he thought his smile might have been a little too bright and wide, but he couldn't help it. "Thanks," he said, as everyone else threw in their congratulations.
"It's all thanks to me," said Heechul.
"Yuh huh," said Sungmin, so skeptical it was offensive. Heechul tried to hit him with a nearby chair, but missed as Sungmin teleported out of the way, straight behind Siwon, grabbing at his arms and crying about how Siwon had to be his bodyguard against their violent hyung. Siwon laughed back, a little surprised but happy, and everyone exchanged glances. With anyone else, it wouldn't have really been anything of note. The fact was, though, Sungmin had never been quite that playful around Siwon before. He was almost flirting.
"Okay," hissed Heechul, when they'd settled down into one of the common rooms. Sungmin had sat down on a sofa, and Heechul had immediately claimed the seat next to him, then sent Siwon off to get them something to drink. Hankyung had avoided going with him, because he wanted to see what happened here too. "Spill."
Sungmin frowned. "I don't know what you mean?"
"You and Siwon! What's going on?"
Sungmin frowned harder. "I still don't know what you mean."
He moved off as Shindong called to him, and Heechul sat there, looking thoughtful, as Hankyung sat on the arm of the chair and puts his arm tentatively across his shoulders. Heechul's head fell against his hip as he bit his lip, staring off into the distance. Siwon came back with something for them to drink, a spare one that was originally for Sungmin being left on a table for someone else to snap up. "Sit down, Siwon," ordered Heechul. Siwon, shooting him a nervous look, did so.
"Okay, so," said Heechul. "I always said I wouldn't get involved, but I'm worried that this will mean something more to you than it should, so I just want to warn you: don't take Sungmin'sflirting as seriously as I think you'll take it."
Siwon blinked at him. "Flirting? Sungmin-hyung isn't flirting with me."
"What was all that stuff about being his bodyguard?"
"He was just--" Siwon actually blushed. "We're friends." It was said with such awe and disbelief that Heechul's eyes narrowed. He sat up, staring at Siwon with so much scrutiny that even Hankyung squirmed.
"Okay," said Heechul. "You spill. What's going on?"
"Nothing," said Siwon, and then seemed to get much smaller than he actually was as Heechul's glare doubled in intensity. "Okay, okay! I...sent Sungmin-hyung a couple of letters over the holiday."
Heechul's glare dropped into sheer confusion. "What?"
"I just," Siwon shrugged, "I wanted to talk to him."
"And he wrote back?"
Siwon smiled, the smile of someone completely lovesick and stupid. "Yeah."
"What did you even talk about?"
"Our powers." Siwon shrugged again. "School, Sungmin-hyung told me about his trip to the beach, I told him what we were getting up to. We just -- talked about stuff."
"And you didn't think to tell me?"
"I was just--" Siwon was squirming big time now. "I didn't think it was important." Heechul snorted. "He said we were friends."
"Oh my god, you're completely gone," said Heechul, half-despairing, half-worried. "Listen to me, Siwon, you can't be like this, okay? Sungmin isn't as serious as you. You need to guard yourself better."
Siwon smiled. "I know, hyung. I'm happy just being friends, that's more than I really thought I'd get. I don't expect anything from Sungmin-hyung."
"Yeah, well," said Heechul. "Just so long as you're sure."
Siwon ruffled Heechul's hair, which resulted in physical violence on Heechul's part, with Siwon laughing and trying hard to not react and hurt Heechul as he climbed over him to try to hurt him. Hankyung watched as Sungmin looked away from Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, sitting together at one of the tables, towards the noise that Siwon was making, and saw as he stopped looking faintly unsure and rather blank, and instead smiled softly.
Then he looked further to the side and saw Kibum's scowl. That was odd. He tuned his ear into the conversation that he thought Kibum was part of, and instead found that it was actually a conversation between Donghae and Eunhyuk; Kibum was not part of it, which perhaps explained his scowl. The conversation seemed to revolve around the week that Eunhyuk had spent in Donghae's home town, which was by the sea and seemed to be a popular place with tourists. Eunhyuk's family had booked a holiday there, and he and Donghae had apparently spent the week together.
Kibum did not seem impressed one bit.
"Hey, Kibum," called Heechul, apparently having given up on hurting Siwon and noticing where Hankyung's gaze was. "Why the long face?"
"Shut up, hyung," snapped Kibum, and stood up to grab a book from a shelf behind where Yehsung and Kangin were talking, and sitting down over that side of the room. Donghae glanced up, surprised, but didn't say anything. Heechul frowned, but chose to say nothing. Instead, he stood up too, pulling on Hankyung's arm.
"I want to get something from my room," he said.
"So go," said Hankyung, who was kind of comfortable on the chair. Heechul just stared at him.
"Yeah," he said. "No, get up, now."
Sighing, Hankyung did so, letting himself be dragged to Heechul's bedroom, where Heechul grinned and kissed him and said, "I wish you'd actually think about what I'm implying." Hankyung, confused, just frowned as Heechul pulled a sweater from his cupboard and then pulled him down to the kitchens to make some hot chocolate.
Someone poked their head nervously around the door of the common room that the others were still occupying. "Sunbae-nim?" No one other than Eeteuk paid attention to the first year, which was just as well since it was Eeteuk that he wanted. The boy's friend couldn't stop crying, wishing to be home again, and so Eeteuk went off, sighing, to comfort him.
He had been gone for a couple of minutes when Kyuhyun lifted his head from his book and said, "I found out what Hankyung did in China."
Heads turned in his direction. "You found out?" Eunhyuk sounded impressed. Many of them had given up after the first couple of weeks, not really knowing how to go about it or where to start. The fact that Kyuhyun had actually managed it was now far more interesting than whatever Hankyung had done.
Kyuhyun's nod was tense and short. "I -- I managed to get into the records of town where Hankyung lived." No one blinked an eyelid at this. Kibum and Kyuhyun had been hacking things for years now, which was partly the reason why their internet access was so limited at school. "Things that he had said made me focus on the death certificates. I found the record of a girl called--"
Zhou Mi, suddenly realising that Kyuhyun was going to tell them what he'd found out, rather than justhow, suddenly cried out, "Kui Xian, don't!"
"--Han Xiang." He fell still, biting his lip; he hadn't meant to reveal that much, too caught up in the moment. Stunned silence held court, broken only by Zhou Mi moaning in frustration and covering his face with his hands.
Unfortunately, everyone was already making the connection in their heads. It was Eunhyuk who spoke first. "Han Xiang?" So, his sister?"
"He killed his sister?" asked Kangin. The expressions on the faces of the others ranged from shocked (Yehsung) to openly horrified (Sungmin).
"It was an accident," said Zhou Mi desperately. Kyuhyun half-turned to look at him, and Zhou Mi almost flinched at how blank he was.
"You knew?"
"Of course I knew! It's such a horrible memory for him that he screams it out constantly."
"How?" asked Donghae, and then cleared his throat. "How?" he repeated.
"I don't know," admitted Kyuhyun. "I just found the death cerfiticate for his younger sister, registered two months before Hankyung arrived at the school. Her cause of death was listed as accidental. I guess I just...put two and two together." He turned, and glared at Zhou Mi. "Of course, you just confirmed everything for us."
"It was an accident," repeated Zhou Mi. "It's -- I hate it. I can see it when he's around and it's terrifying and harrowing and I hate it. It wasn't his fault, though! It wasn't his fault she died."
"He killed his sister," said Kangin, just as the door opened, and Hankyung stepped through. Startled, he dropped his hot chocolate onto the floor.
"Shit," said Heechul, and tried to push past him to be able to clear it up. Hankyung slumped back against the doorframe, taking in the nervous and scared looks of the others. Heechul looked up at him, frowning. He hadn't heard what Kangin had said. "Don't just stand there," he snapped. "Go get a towel."
"Do you know?" Hankyung asked, ignoring Heechul, and instead looking around everyone, looking at their facial expressions, at Zhou Mi's head buried in his arms; it had dropped there once he had realised Hankyung had come into the room. "Do you know what I did?"
Heechul stood up, slowly. Kangin cleared his throat, but it was Shindong who spoke. "We heard you killed your sister. Is it -- true?"
Hankyung's response was to turn around and leave. Heechul rounded on them, causing most of them to shrink or flinch back. "Who told?" he said harshly. "Who went looking for something that was none of his business, and told?"
"I did," said Kyuhyun, who was never scared of Heechul and didn't sound it now, although that was only through sheer bravado. "We had a right to know."
"No, we didn't," said Zhou Mi, softly and wearily, raising his head. "You shouldn't have gone looking, Kui Xian."
"You knew and you didn't tell us? I can understand Heechul, but why would you--"
"Because it was none of our business, Kui Xian!" Zhou Mi shouted, slamming his hands down on the table as he pushed himself up to a standing position. "It was his secret and he was allowed to keep it a secret, and now he -- think about how he feels, Kui Xian!"
"You fucking idiot!" screamed Heechul, and Siwon just managed to catch him around the waist and haul him back before he threw himself bodily at Kyuhyun, looking like he was going to strangle him and enjoy every last second of it. "I told you, don't go looking! I said that you couldn't! Why did you have to pry, why did you have to--"
He stopped, just as suddenly as he started, and wrenched himself out of Siwon's hold and raced from the room. Silence filled the room in his absence. If Kyuhyun hadn't been scared of Heechul before, the threat of losing his eyes had certainly caused him to look shaken. He turned to Zhou Mi, who was just staring at him with a blank expression. Then he shook his head, and he too left the room. Kyuhyun sat down heavily.
"Don't worry, Kyuhyun," said Sungmin softly. "I'll explain that it was all my idea."
Kyuhyun shook his head. "No, they're right," he whispered. "I shouldn't have -- I'm not bothered, I just wanted to know. And I didn't mean to tell."
"Curiousity killed the cat," muttered Ryeowook.
Hankyung had ran down to the lake, his usual place to think. Today, however, he couldn't get his thoughts in enough order to actually think them. They kept flicking between wondering how they had found out, to how they would react now that they knew. Rejection was on the cards, that much was sure, rejection which seemed to be coming true if the fact that no one was following him seemed to prove anything. He told himself that he would not cry, but he didn't feel like tears were forthcoming anyway. He sank down onto his back on the floor and held an arm over his eyes.
It seemed like forever, but was probably only a matter of minutes before he heard someone thrashing down towards him. He rolled his head to the side and opened his eyes and saw Heechul running from the trees. He sat up, completely numb, and then almost fell back down as Heechul threw himself at him, kneeling between his legs and hugging his shoulders and talking against his hair, voice fierce.
"It doesn't matter," he said, as Hankyung wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his body close. "It doesn't matter, they don't care, they won't care, it doesn't matter if they know. It doesn't matter, Hankyung, please, it doesn't."
"What did they say?" Hankyung asked, voice hoarse.
"They didn't say anything," said Heechul, letting his head drop down to breathe into Hankyung's ear. "And you know why, because they don't care, Hankyung. I won't let them care."
Hankyung laughed softly, and rubbed his face against Heechul's stomach. "You can't change how they think," he said. His tone was sad, but not unsympathetic; no matter what Heechul might think, Hankyung still hadn't forgiven himself for the death of his sister.
"We just need to explain," said Heechul. "I can do it, you don't have to say a word. I'll explain what happened."
"You don't need to," said Hankyung. "I'll understand if they--"
"They won't," said Heechul. "Don't back off now, Hankyung, don't let them tell you no."
Slowly, Hankyung twisted his fingers in the material at the hem of Heechul's t-shirt and lifted it, pushing it up over smooth skin, skinny body. He kissed Heechul's stomach and felt muscles tense, heard breath catch. "What are you doing?" Heechul asked, voice brittle.
"I feel numb," murmured Hankyung, mouth against his skin. Heechul pushed his head away and pulled his t-shirt back down, looking both flustered and angry. He stood up and took hold of Hankyung's arms.
"Get up," he ordered, yanking, so Hankyung climbed to his feet. Heechul wrapped his arms around him, tugging and holding him close, and Hankyung smiled a little and let himself bury his face in Heechul's hair, much like Heechul had done to him. Slowly, breathing became easier. Heechul pulled away, taking his wrist. "They won't care," he said firmly.
It was only with Heechul's fingers around his wrist that Hankyung felt capable of returning to the room that he had run out of half an hour earlier. Nothing really seemed to have changed, except that both Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were missing. Most everyone avoided his eyes as he walked in, but Siwon stood up and tentatively hugged him. Whether that was because of his strength, or because he didn't know how Hankyung would react, Hankyung didn't know.
"It was an accident," Hankyung said when Siwon stepped away. His voice was barely more than a whisper, and he cleared his throat to try again. Donghae shook his head and interrupted.
"We know, hyung," he said. "We don't want to know the details. We were -- we're sorry."
"You don't have to tell us anything," said Ryeowook softly.
"I want to," said Hankyung.
Slowly, he told the story of what had happened to his younger sister, the story that he had told Heechul months earlier. He gave them the bare facts, and in doing so, they made the same mistake that he felt Heechul had made: they didn't blame him. "It wasn't your fault," said Sungmin. Hankyung shook his head in disagreement.
"I should have pulled away," he said. "I should have locked the door. I should have realised."
"Shut the fuck up," said Heechul tensely. Hankyung shifted closer to him on the sofa, but didn't follow the order.
"It was my fault and I understand if you blame me for it."
"We don't!" Ryeowook said, voice rather harsher than Hankyung had ever heard before. "Of course we don't blame you for it. Like Zhou Mi said, it was an accident, and we don't care!"
"We simply wanted to know so we could help you," said Sungmin. "We kind of screwed that up, though."
Kyuhyun came back into the room, the front of his hair wet; he looked like he had been splashing cold water on his face. He stopped at the sight of Hankyung, who avoided his eyes, and then came forward and bowed his head. "I'm sorry, hyung," he said, voice sincere for once. "I shouldn't have gone looking, and I especially shouldn't have told anyone."
Hankyung felt like laughing and crying at the same time. "It's okay, Kyuhyun," he said. "I don't blame you for being curious. I didn't exactly help you all."
"It was my idea," said Sungmin. "I said we should do it, and I'm so sorry."
Heechul glared at him so hard that Sungmin bit his lip and sank back into his chair. "I told you that you weren't to go looking," Heechul said to the room at large. "I said to keep your noses out and that it was a secret. You thought I was just joking or being flippant?"
"We just wanted to help," said Henry, very suddenly and very loudly in Chinese. "It was so scary and we thought that if we knew we'd be able to help ge get over whatever it was that was hurting him!"
Heechul frowned at him in confusion, not understanding a word, but Hankyung just smiled. "It's okay, Henry," he said. "It's okay." He turned and put his forehead against Heechul's hair. "It's okay," he repeated in Korean, and Heechul hugged him with one arm around the waist.
Eeteuk opened the door, saying something to someone behind him, a farewell, and then turned his face to them. He noticed the general mood of the room immediately. "What's happened?" he asked sharply, eyes moving over them all.
Eeteuk was not happy with any of those who had tried to find out Hankyung's past, and was especially angry at Kyuhyun, which was probably understandable. It seemed that out of all the people who could be angry -- Hankyung, Heechul, Eeteuk and Zhou Mi -- only Hankyung had forgiven Kyuhyun for his supposed crime. Heechul refused to look at him, Eeteuk never stopped glaring, and Zhou Mi refused to come out of his room and talk to him.
Kyuhyun ended up sitting against the bedroom door, hitting it with a fist every so often and saying variations on, "Mi, open the fucking door, I need to say I'm sorry." Zhou Mi ignored him every time. Henry, who shared a room with Zhou Mi, nervously asked Sungmin if he could share with him that night. Sungmin laughed, though he didn't sound like he found anything funny.
"Not sure I've got a room tonight, Henry," he said.
"Oh, don't be so ridiculous," snapped Heechul, without looking at him. "Like I didn't know you were an idiot who liked to know more than he needed to know. Like I didn't know you were a gossip."
Sungmin smiled weakly and chose to not annoy Heechul for the rest of the week. In fact, most things seemed back to normal by the end of the week, with the awkward, nervous air that they all had around Hankyung seeming to disappate somewhat. The only thing that didn't seem to disappear was Zhou Mi's anger towards Kyuhyun. Hankyung didn't think that Zhou Mi had thought Kyuhyun would be the one to find it out; it was, perhaps, a matter of principle to Zhou Mi, and by the time the week was up, he still had not spoken a word to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun had, by now, grown sick of it, and he too wasn't speaking to Zhou Mi.
"This is so fucking ridiculous," complained Heechul. "I mean, somehow, something to do with you," and he motioned to Hankyung, "has resulted in Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi possibly breaking up." He threw his hands into the air. "I mean, does anyone even know? Are they broken up? Gah!"
"They're half broken up," said Sungmin. "And what am I supposed to do with this knowledge? If they're broken up, then what am I supposed to do, since I only stepped back because they were together? I'm so confused, hyung."
"You, don't talk to me," said Heechul, although by this time there was no real venom in it.
"I kind of feel like it's my fault," said Sungmin, and that night, he spoke to Kyuhyun in the corner of the room, possibly trying to help him with his case. Zhou Mi kept shooting them glances, rather terrible at the 'I'm not looking at you' face. Eventually, Sungmin made his way back over, sighing.
"Everything I suggested, he said he'd already tried or refused to try. He doesn't like the idea of flowers, apparently."
"Are you even a guy?" Heechul asked, feet in Hankyung's lap. Sungmin sat down next to Siwon and let his head rest against his shoulder, closing his eyes and pretending to sleep. Siwon grinned and looked as though he was going to put his arm across his shoulders, then chickened out.
"He's apologised," said Hankyung. "I've even spoken to Zhou Mi so that he knows I don't blame him. There's nothing he can do, other than give him time."
"He thinks it's making him ill. Says that he feels unwell."
"Yah!" said Heechul, finally snapping. "Do you even still like him?"
Sungmin blinked. "I'm...not sure," he said.
"Then stop leaning against Siwon like that, it's not fair!"
"Eh?" Sungmin sat up, then glanced at Siwon, who looked like he wanted to die. "I don't understand?"
"Yeah, well, you wouldn't," snapped Heechul, and slumped into Hankyung, who, while sympathetic towards Siwon, couldn't help but smother his laughter at the confusion on Sungmin's face.
The others came back much like they had left, in dribs and drabs. Henry had been the first to leave and was the first to arrive, early on Sunday morning, jetlagged from his flight from Canada. He stumbled in with his luggage from the taxi and Siwon, who had been commisioned by the teachers to help with the luggage, immediately told him to get to bed. Almost as though this was what he had been waiting for, Henry jumped on the order and stumbled up to bed, where he stayed until dinner was about to start.
Those from Seoul arrived earliest for those in Korea, as the capital was only a couple of hours away. Yehsung was first, heading the line which consisted of Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Kangin, Eunhyuk and Shindong. Siwon, who had been about to help a first year, looked pleadingly at Kangin, who had been roped into help, who sighed and let Siwon take Sungmin's luggage for him. Heechul, standing to the side with Hankyung and watching everything that was going on, made a "che" noise with his tongue. Sungmin hugged Siwon around the waist, then pulled back to say something. Siwon grinned all over his face and pulled Sungmin back in for another hug. Although looking surprised, Sungmin didn't look opposed to it; he was half-laughing over Siwon's shoulder.
"Well," said Heechul. "That's new."
"Siwon," said Sungmin, slightly hoarse. "You're crushing me."
"Ah, sorry!" said Siwon, sounding embarrassed and totally freaked out, letting go immediately. Sungmin, however, was laughing.
"Just joking," he said, and patted Siwon on the chest. Siwon looked like he had stars in his vision.
Eeteuk had managed to break his foot when he was away after his young cousin dropped one of his toys on it. He hobbled out of his parent's car and was immediately accosted by Kangin, demanding to know what had happened. Eeteuk laughed, softly, told him that it was nothing to worry about, and then directed him to his luggage. Very, very softly, Kangin hugged him with one arm. Eeteuk smiled at him, but said that he still needed to take his luggage.
"Hey," said Heechul, calling Kangin over when he came back outside, Eeteuk nowhere to be found anymore. Kangin looked at him expectantly. "You and Eeteuk, never going to happen."
"You and tact," quipped Kangin. "Never gonna happen," and Heechul hit him over the head with a nearby suitcase.
Ryeowook arrived from Incheon shortly afterwards, Yehsung waiting for him outside. Their quietly happy reunion was commented on by many people, although opinions were mixed from the belief that it was cute (Sungmin) to it being disgusting and sickening (Kangin and Heechul). Luckily, Sungmin was not there to see the reunion between Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. No doubt he wouldn't have bestowed the same title on that. Kyuhyun, sitting on a wall and tapping at a hand-held games console, was suddenly accosted by a flailing set of limbs, probably belonging to Zhou Mi, though it was hard to tell at the beginning. No one quite knew where Zhou Mi had come from, which was strange since he was so goddamn tall, and for a short while he simply would not stop hugging Kyuhyun.
"I missed you!" he kept saying in Chinese, and kept saying it until Kyuhyun, exasperated perhaps to the point of annoyance, replied "I missed you too! Now will you speak Korean?"
Zhou Mi seemed to pause in time, he went so still. Then, with a look of great concentration on his face, he said, in Korean, "Oh my god, I think I've forgotten everything."
"Well, you remembered that," said Kyuhyun, turning back to his game.
Kibum was later, but in much the same state as Henry after his flight back from California. He slurred a welcome at Heechul, and then stood there and yawned until Heechul rolled his eyes and started pushing him up the stairs. "Kibum is only human when he's tired," he flung over his shoulder at Hankyung below. Kibum also didn't remember anything that happened when he was tired once he had woken up. He was back to his quiet, nonresponsive self by the time Donghae arrived, later than everyone else, after the sun had set.
Donghae had had to catch a train, and when he arrived at the school, there was no denying the redness of his eyes, but he cheerfully greeted everyone. Kibum silently hugged him and let him cling for just that bit too long, rubbing his hand against the back of Donghae's head soothingly. Then Siwon quietly said he'd take Donghae's luggage, and Donghae pulled away and grinned and started to walk inside the school, holding Kibum's hand.
"How was your summer?" he trilled, the question directed at everyone, and as such he got an answer from everyone at exactly the same time. He let them die down, and ignored every single person when he turned to Hankyung and said, "Congratulations on passing!"
Hankyung was still very proud of doing so, so he thought his smile might have been a little too bright and wide, but he couldn't help it. "Thanks," he said, as everyone else threw in their congratulations.
"It's all thanks to me," said Heechul.
"Yuh huh," said Sungmin, so skeptical it was offensive. Heechul tried to hit him with a nearby chair, but missed as Sungmin teleported out of the way, straight behind Siwon, grabbing at his arms and crying about how Siwon had to be his bodyguard against their violent hyung. Siwon laughed back, a little surprised but happy, and everyone exchanged glances. With anyone else, it wouldn't have really been anything of note. The fact was, though, Sungmin had never been quite that playful around Siwon before. He was almost flirting.
"Okay," hissed Heechul, when they'd settled down into one of the common rooms. Sungmin had sat down on a sofa, and Heechul had immediately claimed the seat next to him, then sent Siwon off to get them something to drink. Hankyung had avoided going with him, because he wanted to see what happened here too. "Spill."
Sungmin frowned. "I don't know what you mean?"
"You and Siwon! What's going on?"
Sungmin frowned harder. "I still don't know what you mean."
He moved off as Shindong called to him, and Heechul sat there, looking thoughtful, as Hankyung sat on the arm of the chair and puts his arm tentatively across his shoulders. Heechul's head fell against his hip as he bit his lip, staring off into the distance. Siwon came back with something for them to drink, a spare one that was originally for Sungmin being left on a table for someone else to snap up. "Sit down, Siwon," ordered Heechul. Siwon, shooting him a nervous look, did so.
"Okay, so," said Heechul. "I always said I wouldn't get involved, but I'm worried that this will mean something more to you than it should, so I just want to warn you: don't take Sungmin'sflirting as seriously as I think you'll take it."
Siwon blinked at him. "Flirting? Sungmin-hyung isn't flirting with me."
"What was all that stuff about being his bodyguard?"
"He was just--" Siwon actually blushed. "We're friends." It was said with such awe and disbelief that Heechul's eyes narrowed. He sat up, staring at Siwon with so much scrutiny that even Hankyung squirmed.
"Okay," said Heechul. "You spill. What's going on?"
"Nothing," said Siwon, and then seemed to get much smaller than he actually was as Heechul's glare doubled in intensity. "Okay, okay! I...sent Sungmin-hyung a couple of letters over the holiday."
Heechul's glare dropped into sheer confusion. "What?"
"I just," Siwon shrugged, "I wanted to talk to him."
"And he wrote back?"
Siwon smiled, the smile of someone completely lovesick and stupid. "Yeah."
"What did you even talk about?"
"Our powers." Siwon shrugged again. "School, Sungmin-hyung told me about his trip to the beach, I told him what we were getting up to. We just -- talked about stuff."
"And you didn't think to tell me?"
"I was just--" Siwon was squirming big time now. "I didn't think it was important." Heechul snorted. "He said we were friends."
"Oh my god, you're completely gone," said Heechul, half-despairing, half-worried. "Listen to me, Siwon, you can't be like this, okay? Sungmin isn't as serious as you. You need to guard yourself better."
Siwon smiled. "I know, hyung. I'm happy just being friends, that's more than I really thought I'd get. I don't expect anything from Sungmin-hyung."
"Yeah, well," said Heechul. "Just so long as you're sure."
Siwon ruffled Heechul's hair, which resulted in physical violence on Heechul's part, with Siwon laughing and trying hard to not react and hurt Heechul as he climbed over him to try to hurt him. Hankyung watched as Sungmin looked away from Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, sitting together at one of the tables, towards the noise that Siwon was making, and saw as he stopped looking faintly unsure and rather blank, and instead smiled softly.
Then he looked further to the side and saw Kibum's scowl. That was odd. He tuned his ear into the conversation that he thought Kibum was part of, and instead found that it was actually a conversation between Donghae and Eunhyuk; Kibum was not part of it, which perhaps explained his scowl. The conversation seemed to revolve around the week that Eunhyuk had spent in Donghae's home town, which was by the sea and seemed to be a popular place with tourists. Eunhyuk's family had booked a holiday there, and he and Donghae had apparently spent the week together.
Kibum did not seem impressed one bit.
"Hey, Kibum," called Heechul, apparently having given up on hurting Siwon and noticing where Hankyung's gaze was. "Why the long face?"
"Shut up, hyung," snapped Kibum, and stood up to grab a book from a shelf behind where Yehsung and Kangin were talking, and sitting down over that side of the room. Donghae glanced up, surprised, but didn't say anything. Heechul frowned, but chose to say nothing. Instead, he stood up too, pulling on Hankyung's arm.
"I want to get something from my room," he said.
"So go," said Hankyung, who was kind of comfortable on the chair. Heechul just stared at him.
"Yeah," he said. "No, get up, now."
Sighing, Hankyung did so, letting himself be dragged to Heechul's bedroom, where Heechul grinned and kissed him and said, "I wish you'd actually think about what I'm implying." Hankyung, confused, just frowned as Heechul pulled a sweater from his cupboard and then pulled him down to the kitchens to make some hot chocolate.
Someone poked their head nervously around the door of the common room that the others were still occupying. "Sunbae-nim?" No one other than Eeteuk paid attention to the first year, which was just as well since it was Eeteuk that he wanted. The boy's friend couldn't stop crying, wishing to be home again, and so Eeteuk went off, sighing, to comfort him.
He had been gone for a couple of minutes when Kyuhyun lifted his head from his book and said, "I found out what Hankyung did in China."
Heads turned in his direction. "You found out?" Eunhyuk sounded impressed. Many of them had given up after the first couple of weeks, not really knowing how to go about it or where to start. The fact that Kyuhyun had actually managed it was now far more interesting than whatever Hankyung had done.
Kyuhyun's nod was tense and short. "I -- I managed to get into the records of town where Hankyung lived." No one blinked an eyelid at this. Kibum and Kyuhyun had been hacking things for years now, which was partly the reason why their internet access was so limited at school. "Things that he had said made me focus on the death certificates. I found the record of a girl called--"
Zhou Mi, suddenly realising that Kyuhyun was going to tell them what he'd found out, rather than justhow, suddenly cried out, "Kui Xian, don't!"
"--Han Xiang." He fell still, biting his lip; he hadn't meant to reveal that much, too caught up in the moment. Stunned silence held court, broken only by Zhou Mi moaning in frustration and covering his face with his hands.
Unfortunately, everyone was already making the connection in their heads. It was Eunhyuk who spoke first. "Han Xiang?" So, his sister?"
"He killed his sister?" asked Kangin. The expressions on the faces of the others ranged from shocked (Yehsung) to openly horrified (Sungmin).
"It was an accident," said Zhou Mi desperately. Kyuhyun half-turned to look at him, and Zhou Mi almost flinched at how blank he was.
"You knew?"
"Of course I knew! It's such a horrible memory for him that he screams it out constantly."
"How?" asked Donghae, and then cleared his throat. "How?" he repeated.
"I don't know," admitted Kyuhyun. "I just found the death cerfiticate for his younger sister, registered two months before Hankyung arrived at the school. Her cause of death was listed as accidental. I guess I just...put two and two together." He turned, and glared at Zhou Mi. "Of course, you just confirmed everything for us."
"It was an accident," repeated Zhou Mi. "It's -- I hate it. I can see it when he's around and it's terrifying and harrowing and I hate it. It wasn't his fault, though! It wasn't his fault she died."
"He killed his sister," said Kangin, just as the door opened, and Hankyung stepped through. Startled, he dropped his hot chocolate onto the floor.
"Shit," said Heechul, and tried to push past him to be able to clear it up. Hankyung slumped back against the doorframe, taking in the nervous and scared looks of the others. Heechul looked up at him, frowning. He hadn't heard what Kangin had said. "Don't just stand there," he snapped. "Go get a towel."
"Do you know?" Hankyung asked, ignoring Heechul, and instead looking around everyone, looking at their facial expressions, at Zhou Mi's head buried in his arms; it had dropped there once he had realised Hankyung had come into the room. "Do you know what I did?"
Heechul stood up, slowly. Kangin cleared his throat, but it was Shindong who spoke. "We heard you killed your sister. Is it -- true?"
Hankyung's response was to turn around and leave. Heechul rounded on them, causing most of them to shrink or flinch back. "Who told?" he said harshly. "Who went looking for something that was none of his business, and told?"
"I did," said Kyuhyun, who was never scared of Heechul and didn't sound it now, although that was only through sheer bravado. "We had a right to know."
"No, we didn't," said Zhou Mi, softly and wearily, raising his head. "You shouldn't have gone looking, Kui Xian."
"You knew and you didn't tell us? I can understand Heechul, but why would you--"
"Because it was none of our business, Kui Xian!" Zhou Mi shouted, slamming his hands down on the table as he pushed himself up to a standing position. "It was his secret and he was allowed to keep it a secret, and now he -- think about how he feels, Kui Xian!"
"You fucking idiot!" screamed Heechul, and Siwon just managed to catch him around the waist and haul him back before he threw himself bodily at Kyuhyun, looking like he was going to strangle him and enjoy every last second of it. "I told you, don't go looking! I said that you couldn't! Why did you have to pry, why did you have to--"
He stopped, just as suddenly as he started, and wrenched himself out of Siwon's hold and raced from the room. Silence filled the room in his absence. If Kyuhyun hadn't been scared of Heechul before, the threat of losing his eyes had certainly caused him to look shaken. He turned to Zhou Mi, who was just staring at him with a blank expression. Then he shook his head, and he too left the room. Kyuhyun sat down heavily.
"Don't worry, Kyuhyun," said Sungmin softly. "I'll explain that it was all my idea."
Kyuhyun shook his head. "No, they're right," he whispered. "I shouldn't have -- I'm not bothered, I just wanted to know. And I didn't mean to tell."
"Curiousity killed the cat," muttered Ryeowook.
Hankyung had ran down to the lake, his usual place to think. Today, however, he couldn't get his thoughts in enough order to actually think them. They kept flicking between wondering how they had found out, to how they would react now that they knew. Rejection was on the cards, that much was sure, rejection which seemed to be coming true if the fact that no one was following him seemed to prove anything. He told himself that he would not cry, but he didn't feel like tears were forthcoming anyway. He sank down onto his back on the floor and held an arm over his eyes.
It seemed like forever, but was probably only a matter of minutes before he heard someone thrashing down towards him. He rolled his head to the side and opened his eyes and saw Heechul running from the trees. He sat up, completely numb, and then almost fell back down as Heechul threw himself at him, kneeling between his legs and hugging his shoulders and talking against his hair, voice fierce.
"It doesn't matter," he said, as Hankyung wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his body close. "It doesn't matter, they don't care, they won't care, it doesn't matter if they know. It doesn't matter, Hankyung, please, it doesn't."
"What did they say?" Hankyung asked, voice hoarse.
"They didn't say anything," said Heechul, letting his head drop down to breathe into Hankyung's ear. "And you know why, because they don't care, Hankyung. I won't let them care."
Hankyung laughed softly, and rubbed his face against Heechul's stomach. "You can't change how they think," he said. His tone was sad, but not unsympathetic; no matter what Heechul might think, Hankyung still hadn't forgiven himself for the death of his sister.
"We just need to explain," said Heechul. "I can do it, you don't have to say a word. I'll explain what happened."
"You don't need to," said Hankyung. "I'll understand if they--"
"They won't," said Heechul. "Don't back off now, Hankyung, don't let them tell you no."
Slowly, Hankyung twisted his fingers in the material at the hem of Heechul's t-shirt and lifted it, pushing it up over smooth skin, skinny body. He kissed Heechul's stomach and felt muscles tense, heard breath catch. "What are you doing?" Heechul asked, voice brittle.
"I feel numb," murmured Hankyung, mouth against his skin. Heechul pushed his head away and pulled his t-shirt back down, looking both flustered and angry. He stood up and took hold of Hankyung's arms.
"Get up," he ordered, yanking, so Hankyung climbed to his feet. Heechul wrapped his arms around him, tugging and holding him close, and Hankyung smiled a little and let himself bury his face in Heechul's hair, much like Heechul had done to him. Slowly, breathing became easier. Heechul pulled away, taking his wrist. "They won't care," he said firmly.
It was only with Heechul's fingers around his wrist that Hankyung felt capable of returning to the room that he had run out of half an hour earlier. Nothing really seemed to have changed, except that both Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were missing. Most everyone avoided his eyes as he walked in, but Siwon stood up and tentatively hugged him. Whether that was because of his strength, or because he didn't know how Hankyung would react, Hankyung didn't know.
"It was an accident," Hankyung said when Siwon stepped away. His voice was barely more than a whisper, and he cleared his throat to try again. Donghae shook his head and interrupted.
"We know, hyung," he said. "We don't want to know the details. We were -- we're sorry."
"You don't have to tell us anything," said Ryeowook softly.
"I want to," said Hankyung.
Slowly, he told the story of what had happened to his younger sister, the story that he had told Heechul months earlier. He gave them the bare facts, and in doing so, they made the same mistake that he felt Heechul had made: they didn't blame him. "It wasn't your fault," said Sungmin. Hankyung shook his head in disagreement.
"I should have pulled away," he said. "I should have locked the door. I should have realised."
"Shut the fuck up," said Heechul tensely. Hankyung shifted closer to him on the sofa, but didn't follow the order.
"It was my fault and I understand if you blame me for it."
"We don't!" Ryeowook said, voice rather harsher than Hankyung had ever heard before. "Of course we don't blame you for it. Like Zhou Mi said, it was an accident, and we don't care!"
"We simply wanted to know so we could help you," said Sungmin. "We kind of screwed that up, though."
Kyuhyun came back into the room, the front of his hair wet; he looked like he had been splashing cold water on his face. He stopped at the sight of Hankyung, who avoided his eyes, and then came forward and bowed his head. "I'm sorry, hyung," he said, voice sincere for once. "I shouldn't have gone looking, and I especially shouldn't have told anyone."
Hankyung felt like laughing and crying at the same time. "It's okay, Kyuhyun," he said. "I don't blame you for being curious. I didn't exactly help you all."
"It was my idea," said Sungmin. "I said we should do it, and I'm so sorry."
Heechul glared at him so hard that Sungmin bit his lip and sank back into his chair. "I told you that you weren't to go looking," Heechul said to the room at large. "I said to keep your noses out and that it was a secret. You thought I was just joking or being flippant?"
"We just wanted to help," said Henry, very suddenly and very loudly in Chinese. "It was so scary and we thought that if we knew we'd be able to help ge get over whatever it was that was hurting him!"
Heechul frowned at him in confusion, not understanding a word, but Hankyung just smiled. "It's okay, Henry," he said. "It's okay." He turned and put his forehead against Heechul's hair. "It's okay," he repeated in Korean, and Heechul hugged him with one arm around the waist.
Eeteuk opened the door, saying something to someone behind him, a farewell, and then turned his face to them. He noticed the general mood of the room immediately. "What's happened?" he asked sharply, eyes moving over them all.
Eeteuk was not happy with any of those who had tried to find out Hankyung's past, and was especially angry at Kyuhyun, which was probably understandable. It seemed that out of all the people who could be angry -- Hankyung, Heechul, Eeteuk and Zhou Mi -- only Hankyung had forgiven Kyuhyun for his supposed crime. Heechul refused to look at him, Eeteuk never stopped glaring, and Zhou Mi refused to come out of his room and talk to him.
Kyuhyun ended up sitting against the bedroom door, hitting it with a fist every so often and saying variations on, "Mi, open the fucking door, I need to say I'm sorry." Zhou Mi ignored him every time. Henry, who shared a room with Zhou Mi, nervously asked Sungmin if he could share with him that night. Sungmin laughed, though he didn't sound like he found anything funny.
"Not sure I've got a room tonight, Henry," he said.
"Oh, don't be so ridiculous," snapped Heechul, without looking at him. "Like I didn't know you were an idiot who liked to know more than he needed to know. Like I didn't know you were a gossip."
Sungmin smiled weakly and chose to not annoy Heechul for the rest of the week. In fact, most things seemed back to normal by the end of the week, with the awkward, nervous air that they all had around Hankyung seeming to disappate somewhat. The only thing that didn't seem to disappear was Zhou Mi's anger towards Kyuhyun. Hankyung didn't think that Zhou Mi had thought Kyuhyun would be the one to find it out; it was, perhaps, a matter of principle to Zhou Mi, and by the time the week was up, he still had not spoken a word to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun had, by now, grown sick of it, and he too wasn't speaking to Zhou Mi.
"This is so fucking ridiculous," complained Heechul. "I mean, somehow, something to do with you," and he motioned to Hankyung, "has resulted in Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi possibly breaking up." He threw his hands into the air. "I mean, does anyone even know? Are they broken up? Gah!"
"They're half broken up," said Sungmin. "And what am I supposed to do with this knowledge? If they're broken up, then what am I supposed to do, since I only stepped back because they were together? I'm so confused, hyung."
"You, don't talk to me," said Heechul, although by this time there was no real venom in it.
"I kind of feel like it's my fault," said Sungmin, and that night, he spoke to Kyuhyun in the corner of the room, possibly trying to help him with his case. Zhou Mi kept shooting them glances, rather terrible at the 'I'm not looking at you' face. Eventually, Sungmin made his way back over, sighing.
"Everything I suggested, he said he'd already tried or refused to try. He doesn't like the idea of flowers, apparently."
"Are you even a guy?" Heechul asked, feet in Hankyung's lap. Sungmin sat down next to Siwon and let his head rest against his shoulder, closing his eyes and pretending to sleep. Siwon grinned and looked as though he was going to put his arm across his shoulders, then chickened out.
"He's apologised," said Hankyung. "I've even spoken to Zhou Mi so that he knows I don't blame him. There's nothing he can do, other than give him time."
"He thinks it's making him ill. Says that he feels unwell."
"Yah!" said Heechul, finally snapping. "Do you even still like him?"
Sungmin blinked. "I'm...not sure," he said.
"Then stop leaning against Siwon like that, it's not fair!"
"Eh?" Sungmin sat up, then glanced at Siwon, who looked like he wanted to die. "I don't understand?"
"Yeah, well, you wouldn't," snapped Heechul, and slumped into Hankyung, who, while sympathetic towards Siwon, couldn't help but smother his laughter at the confusion on Sungmin's face.
....................................................................
First control lesson back, Hankyung showed off his sudden increase in time delay, hoping that Hyori would be impressed, only to find that she said, "Great! Now try harder." The result of this lack of praise ensured Hankyung's dark mood for the rest of the lesson, not helped by Heechul's demand that he "cheer the fuck up" on their way out of the door.
"Urgh," said Hankyung, feeling like he wanted nothing better than to just get back to the dorm and collapse against a sofa and not do anything for the rest of the night. Instead he was dragged by Heechul to one of the study rooms, where they sat and completed all the homework that had been building up and which they had been putting off due to last week being the first week back. After Hankyung finished his last Korean exercise, he threw his pen down and sunk his head onto the table, groaning.
"Life," he said, not very coherently, "was so much easier when I never came out of my bedroom."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about that," said Heechul, still biting the end of his pen as he considered something in his History essay. "Didn't you used to get bored, just staying in your room all the time?"
"All the time," admitted Hankyung. "I got so bored that I taught myself Korean, Heechul. That's how bored I used to get."
"Yeah, well, I'm sure you found something to do."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hankyung was suspicious of Heechul's tone.
Heechul smirked at him. "Oh, come on, Hankyung. A bored teenage boy, locked in his bedroom? I know what you got up to."
Hankyung flushed, slightly annoyed. "What the hell does this have to do with anything?"
"Just trying to work out why you jump to the ceiling whenever I touch you," said Heechul, glancing back at his paper. He sounded indifferent, which let Hankyung know that he was actually bothered by it. He flushed even harder.
"I can't help it," he muttered, sinking his head to the table again.
"Don't jump," said Heechul, and he pushed him upright and sat on his lap. Heechul really didn't weigh a whole lot more than he looked like he weighed. He rested his cheek against Hankyung's head, possibly to keep him still, as he let his hand drift from Hankyung's forehead, down over his nose and resting his fingers against his mouth. Hankyung's breathing was slightly faster than normal but he didn't move.
"Why don't you touch me?" Heechul asked. Hankyung curled his fingers around the edge of the table.
"What's the point?" he asked. "I can't feel your skin."
"Take the gloves off then," said Heechul.
"Don't be stupid."
"And so we come back around in a circle," said Heechul. He climbed back off Hankyung's legs and came around so he could drape his hands over his back. "You won't take your gloves off because you're scared you'll kill me--"
"I'm not scared," interrupted Hankyung. "I know I'll kill you. I've already killed my sister, Heechul, how could I live with--"
"Fine!" said Heechul, throwing his arms up and angrily snatching his notebook from the table and stuffing it into his bag. "Fine, we'll just be chaste, the most fucking virtuous couple to ever grace the planet, shall we? That will be fucking awesome."
"Heechul..."
Heechul slammed out of the room, the bang of the door behind him ringing in Hankyung's ears. He groaned, running his hands over his face and slumping down in his chair. What was he supposed to do? How could he possibly throw off years of no bodily contact and be comfortable suddenly with Heechul's hands in places that he'd never had hands before (unless you counted his own and he didn't, really)? How could he possibly suddenly be fine with touching someone, when he'd avoided doing that for so much of his life?
He sighed and shoved his stuff into his bag, possibly bending the pages of his History essay but not really caring. Then he left the school building and quickly walked over the lawn towards the dorm, the sunlight just beginning to tinge with pink and orange. He went first to the room that he had been told the others would be waiting in and dumped his bag down and collapsed into a chair.
"Where's hyung?" asked Siwon, surprised.
"We had an argument," muttered Hankyung, not looking at him.
"Great," said Sungmin. He was sitting on the sofa next to Siwon, a usual place that he had taken over the past couple of days. It had been enough to raise eyebrows if nothing else. "Another arguing couple."
Hankyung winced and looked up, noticing that in addition to Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi being missing, Kibum was gone too, and Donghae was in the corner with Eunhyuk, talking about something. He looked upset, one foot resting on the chair, chin against his knee. "What's wrong with Donghae?" Hankyung asked, more than anything to distract anyone asking about his fight with Heechul.
"Kibum snapped at him earlier," said Sungmin. "Donghae asked him something and Kibum told him that he should just ask Eunhyuk since he does everything else with Eunhyuk, and then he stormed out of the room." He paused. "It was very melodramatic, very well done."
"It was odd," said Siwon. "Donghae-hyung doesn't know what he did wrong."
"I don't think he did anything wrong," said Sungmin. "I think Kibum's just caught a case of jealousy." He focused on Hankyung. "Now what did you argue with Heechul about? I spent so long getting you two together that you can't ruin this for me." Reflecting on it, Hankyung really shouldn't have expected to get away with changing the subject, not around Sungmin.
"Just. Stuff," he said.
"Hankyung."
"It's kind of personal, Sungmin."
"Oh," said Sungmin, then, "Ohhh," in a tone that mixed sexual innuendo with deep understanding and which was completely crude. "I see."
"He just -- not like that, Sungmin."
"Just don't do it in my room, okay? Ew."
"I'm telling you, that's not it!" Hankyung looked desperately at Siwon for some back-up, but Siwon was studiously looking away. "That's the whole -- shut up."
Zhou Mi came into the room, looking worried, and made a beeline. "Ge? Is Heechul-hyung okay?"
"We had an argument," said Hankyung. "Why, did he--"
"I saw him going into his bedroom. He just seemed upset," said Zhou Mi. "Kind of too fuzzy-headed for me to be able to work out why, though."
"I should go see if he's okay," said Hankyung, already half out of his chair.
"You should," said Zhou Mi, biting his lip. Hankyung left the room, just hearing Sungmin ask Zhou Mi if he'd spoken to Kyuhyun today. Hankyung was suddenly gripped by a fear that if he let this go on for much longer, he and Heechul would end up like Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, both of them too proud to make up. Hankyung couldn't afford to be proud any longer. He practically ran up the stairs to the floor that their rooms were on, and only waited for a moment after he'd knocked on the door before going in.
"Heechul--"
"Fuck, Hankyung," said Heechul, hand over his heart. "You almost gave me a freaking heart attack."
Hankyung paused by the end of his bed, staring at Heechul who was playing with his mobile phone by the strap. "Heechul," he said seriously. "I wanted to --"
"Ergh, don't," said Heechul, laying his phone on the table next to him. "Because then I'll have to tell you that no, it was totally my fault, and you know how much I hate saying sorry, Hankyung."
"It's just," said Hankyung earnestly, "that I am so crap, I know I am, but I don't want to lose you so I will just, I'll do whatever, okay, I'll try so hard, so just--"
"Shut your damn face," said Heechul. "You're a freaking moron, okay."
"I can't be the perfect boyfriend, but I am trying so hard."
"I know you are," said Heechul, no bite left in his voice at all. "I feel like such a dick now. I hate you. Sit down." Hankyung sat, only for Heechul to push him down on his back and lie against his chest. He put one hand against the side of his head, fingertips just touching Hankyung's hair, the other against his chest. "We just need to get you used to this," said Heechul softly. "And that might take a while, but that's okay, you know."
Hankyung knew that, because he was the one who was going to make it okay.
***
"I'm cold," complained Kyuhyun.
"So get a sweater," said Heechul. "Or are you talking about your personality, because you know, we're already aware of that."
"I hate you," Kyuhyun muttered darkly, but he did shiver before standing up. "I'm going to get a sweater, actually, that might help."
"Why are you telling me?" Heechul asked. "Just because you're not talking to Seasoning doesn't mean you get to talk to me all the time."
"Seriously," said Kyuhyun, flipping him off. "I hate you." He left the room.
Heechul settled down against Hankyung's side. "Now that we're alone," he said, letting his voice trail off.
"You're not fucking alone," said Kangin, voice muffled against the sofa that he had thrown himself down onto after control lessons. It was, admittedly true, since it wasn't just Kangin who was also in the room, Shindong and Sungmin were talking by the window and Eunhyuk was playing on his DS. Kangin groaned and lifted his head. "You've got a room, why don't you use it?"
"We've got two rooms," said Heechul cheerfully.
"No, Siwon is in mine," said Hankyung.
"Oh, okay," said Heechul. "We've got a room, but we don't want to use it."
"Hyung," whined Kangin, then, as Eeteuk entered the room, "Teukie-hyung, make Heechul go away."
"Nurgh," said Eeteuk in response, and curled up on a sofa, knees pulled up and head bent in so that they were almost touching. His wings were folded in against his back, feathers barely visible against the white of his shirt. Heechul and Kangin exchanged glances and both stood up.
"Teukie-hyung?"
"Can someone get me some painkillers?" Eeteuk said, voice faint. He reached down and fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a key. "There'll be some in my bathroom."
There was another moment where Heechul and Kangin looked at each other and then Heechul nodded tensely and left the room. Eunhyuk pulled his headphones out as Sungmin and Shindong too noticed that something was up. Kangin took Eeteuk's hand. "What is it, hyung?" he asked, voice pitched low.
"Growing pains," said Eeteuk, a pained smile just visible under the hair which had fallen into his face. "Bones strengthening."
Hankyung looked at Shindong in confusion. "Every few months Eeteuk's bones got through a short time of strengthening," Shindong explained, eyes flicking between Hankyung and Eeteuk curled on the sofa. "It's really painful, keeps him out of practice for a couple of days."
"It's okay, hyung," soothed Kangin. "One more of these times means one less before the whole process is complete."
"I know," said Eeteuk, and his fingers convulsed around Kangin's. "It'll all be over soon, I've just got to endure it." He brought his hand up and rubbed it against his face, possibly rubbing away tears. "It hurts, Kangin," he whispered.
"I know," said Kangin. "I know it does."
Hankyung was staring so hard that it couldn't be considered polite in any way, but he couldn't help himself. Suddenly all the certainty around Eeteuk, all that self-assured manner and aura of being in control, had fallen away, leaving someone who suddenly seemed a lot more like an eighteen-year-old than Eeteuk had ever looked before. "Heechul-hyung will be back soon," said Kangin, and he looked a lot older than Hankyung had ever seen him before. "We'll let the tablets work and then I'll take you back to your room once the pain has died down enough to move you."
Heechul came back, and said painkillers were administered. Hankyung unspoken question as to why they needed to get them directly from Eeteuk's room was answered when he spotted the bottle and realised that they were heavy strength. Eeteuk was helped upright and he took a couple with water. He gripped Kangin's hand tight. After about ten minutes, the pain had apparently eased off enough for him to relax somewhat; half an hour in, they had knocked him unconscious. Kangin sighed, peeling Eeteuk's fingers away.
"Poor Eeteuk-hyung," said Sungmin softly.
Kangin carried Eeteuk back to his bedroom, and apparently watched over him, because he only came back out when it was time for dinner. "He's still asleep," he said, bolting down his food. "I don't want him to wake up in pain without someone there."
"I'll sit with him later on tonight," said Heechul quietly.
Kangin shook his head, grinning. "No thanks, hyung, you know this is my only chance to have him on his own." Heechul snorted with laughter and waved cheerfully at Kangin as he ran off again, looking rather like one of the large animals that he was able to transform into. Conversation returned slowly, mainly at the part of the table that Heechul, Hankyung, Siwon and Sungmin were sitting at. Down the other end, Donghae and Kibum were steadfastly ignoring each other, Eunhyuk was sitting there rather uncomfortably, and Kyuhyun, sat next to Donghae, had two giant sweaters on and was still shivering. Ryeowook, sitting opposite, looked at him warily.
"Kyuhyun, you should probably go see the doctor," he said. Kyuhyun waved off his worries with a hand gesture.
"I'm fine," he said. "Probably just caught a cold."
Yehsung reached over and put his hand against Kyuhyun's forehead before Kyuhyun could work out what was happening. He flinched back, scowling, but not before Yehsung had snatched his hand away. "Kyuhyun," he said slowly, "you're not burning up."
"That's good," said Shindong with a laugh.
"No," said Yehsung. "It's not. His skin is like ice."
"Makes sense, I suppose," said Kyuhyun. His voice was suddenly a lot fainter than it had been. "Since my power is ice..." He trailed away because he had lost consciousness, head tipping back, jaw slack. There was a moment where everyone stared, half wondering if it was all just a joke, then Ryeowook dropped his fork against his plate with a clatter, breaking the spell, and all hell seemed to break loose.
The teachers had noticed something strange was happening -- hard not to when a group of students seemed to crowd around another one. Hyori touched Kyuhyun's forehead once and then he was immediately taken to the hospital wing without a single word of explanation to anyone. No one was allowed to see him, the group of them trying to peer through the glass slats of the door to see what was going on. Eventually Hyori came out, grimness in every inch of her face. "Where's Eeteuk?" she asked.
"He's not well," said Heechul. "His bones -- you know."
Hyori nodded tensely. "Kyuhyun-shi is going to be moved to the hospital," she said, brittle and uptight, different than usual. "They'll be able to run more tests there."
"Hospital?" Ryeowook practically shrank away from the word.
"We're not sure what the trouble is but we'll be sure to let you know." Hyori started pushing the doors to the hospital wing open again. "Heechul, when Eeteuk is strong enough, ask him to come to see me." Heechul nodded, and Hyori disappeared again.
They were quiet and solemn when they returned to the school. Zhou Mi had been the only one missing from dinner, but he greeted them with an anxious and slightly hysterical, "What's wrong with Kui Xian?"
"You've been told, huh," said Heechul.
"No," said Zhou Mi. "No one has told me anything. I can just -- hear it. Something's wrong. My mind is all fuzzy with it."
"I thought you said that you couldn't hear Kyuhyun's thoughts," Heechul said with a frown.
"I usually can't, so that's how I know he's ill. What is it, what's wrong with him?"
"They don't know," said Sungmin, who strangely enough looked rather calm and in control. "They're running tests. Zhou Mi, you should sit down."
"What happened to him?"
"He collapsed in the middle of dinner," said Donghae. "He was so cold, Yehsung said it was like ice, and then he just fainted."
"I should have been there," said Zhou Mi, looking like his world was crashing down. "I should have been there but I was being too stubborn--"
"You can't think like that," said Sungmin firmly. "It's not your fault. He'll be fine, you'll see."
Most of them decided to just go to bed, as the shock and worrying had tired them out. Ryeowook in particular looked dead on his feet, always one to feel things in extremes; he didn't look happy, though, at the prospect of staying in his room by himself for the night. Yehsung opened his mouth, saw the way Heechul was grinning at him, ready to make a lewd remark, then seemed to change his mind.
After much bullying from Heechul and Sungmin, Zhou Mi agreed to try to sleep. "You'll just make yourself ill if you stay up worrying," Heechul pointed out, and although Zhou Mi didn't look particularly well rested the next morning, something was better than nothing. After making sure that Zhou Mi did, in fact, go into his room, where Henry would have to deal with him, Heechul and Sungmin decided to commandeer Hankyung and Siwon's room for a short while.
Siwon stretched out on the floor so that his toes were pressed against the wall. He brought his toes back and then let them fall against it, and his big toe on his left foot went through it. "Oh," he said sadly, and pulled it back out, moving until he was sitting cross-legged. Sungmin, sitting on Siwon's bed holding his pillow to his stomach, smothered a laugh in it.
"You'll have to go ask to get that fixed," said Heechul in a bored tone, inspecting his hair for split ends. He was sitting on the end of Hankyung's bed and wouldn't leave so that the actual occupiers of the room could sleep.
"Don't you think that was kind of shocking, though, with Kyuhyun today?" Sungmin asked, biting his bottom lip. Heechul cast a quick look in Siwon's direction, then shrugged.
"I guess."
"I hope he's okay. You think he'll be okay, right?"
"Of course, hyung," said Siwon reassuringly. "He'll be fine. They'll find out what's wrong and then they'll be able to give him the right treatment."
"I hope you're right," said Sungmin. Then, deceptively casual, he said, "You guys say how Zhou Mi was, right? He was beside himself. He probably wouldn't even be able to tell you his name right now, never mind anything else."
"Seasoning," Heechul said, "is a girl."
"I don't feel like that," said Sungmin. He said it with the air of dropping a great, important bombshell, which landed flat because everyone just blinked at him. "I don't feel -- I mean, I'm worried, obviously. I'm scared for him, and all that, but I don't feel -- I'm not distraught, like Zhou Mi. I don't want to run to his bedside and fling myself beside him and sob that he needs to open his eyes, as much of an awesome picture as that paints. I don't feel like that."
"For god's sake," said Heechul. "How hard is it to admit that you simply do not like Kyuhyun in that way anymore?"
There was a long pause, before Sungmin straightened his back and said imperiously, "I do not like Kyuhyun anymore." Then he slumped a little and repeated wonderingly, "I don't like Kyuhyun anymore. I don't."
"There," said Heechul, a semi-smile on his face. "Was that so hard?"
"But I've always liked Kyuhyun," said Sungmin, looking and sounding confused.
"Well, not anymore."
"How do I -- I'm sorry, I'm confused. How am I supposed to -- what the--"
"Oh my god, Sungmin, liking Kyuhyun did not make up an integral part of your life, okay? It didn't define you, so stop acting as though it did."
"Look, it's not that, it's just that I've liked him for so long, it feels -- odd."
"Your face is odd," said Heechul darkly.
"No, it isn't," said Siwon. "Sungmin-hyung has a nice face." Sungmin blushed and glanced down at his hands, but apparently didn't make any connection between that and what they had just been talking about. Heechul groaned and flopped down on the bed, head against Hankyung's calf.
"Is everyone around me stupid?" he grumbled.
"Yeah, probably," said Hankyung.
***
Kyuhyun was still missing the next day, and no news filtered down through to them. Control classes were cancelled for all years, which suggested that Hyori was at the hospital with him. By lunch, everyone's nerves were frazzled, after a particularly harrowing lesson with Park, in which she kept wondering out loud about "poor Kyuhyun's condition" and seemed to take great happiness in the fact that he might be getting worse. Only constant muttering of obscenities under his breath kept Heechul from standing up and punching her.
Eeteuk was missing too, which was perhaps the only reason why Park even felt like she could get away with half of the things she said. After class finished at midday, Kangin jumped up and rushed out, going to check up on Eeteuk and make sure that he was eating okay. It meant that they were without both Kangin's domineering presence and Eeteuk's reputation in the school when they walked into the lunch hall only for every single person there to fall silent, staring at them.
"The fuck?" asked Yehsung in a whisper as they picked their way through the tables to where those of their friends in lower years were already sitting. Eyes followed them, even as whispering started up again. Hankyung began to notice that actually, it was not them generally that the staring was directed at: every pair of eyes was focused on him. It was apparently something that Heechul noticed too, since he reached back and gripped Hankyung's wrist so hard that his nails almost dug in. A girl at a table near them gasped in shock at his daring at getting so close to Hankyung's hand.
Heechul opened his mouth furiously, but Hankyung shook his head and stepped a little closer to murmur, "Don't, just leave it." He wanted to get to the others and find out what had happened, why silence and staring filled the room when he walked in. By the time they got there, most of the noise had started up again, though a few eyes still lingered on him. Everyone already sitting looked confused, apart from those in their first year: Ryeowook was poking at his rice, while Siwon had his head bowed. Henry seemed to be stuffing his face with food so that if anyone asked, he wouldn't be able to reply.
"Okay," said Yehsung, sighing as he sat and put an arm across Ryeowook's shoulders. "Come on, spill. What was that all about?"
"I don't know what you mean," whispered Ryeowook, hiding behind his hair. Yehsung gave him a little shake, then looked up in confusion when that didn't yield any results. Heechul took over.
"Hey, Siwon," he said, sitting down next to him. Siwon shied away a little. "Siwon. Siwon. Siwon. SIWON."
"What, hyung?"
"Tell us what just happened."
"You walked in and everyone went quiet."
Heechul's eyes narrowed. Hankyung took the seat next to him. "Don't try and play clever with me. Why did everyone go quiet? You clearly know why."
Siwon looked up only to give Hankyung a worried look. "Hyung, I don't want to--"
"Siwon."
"Someone is spreading a rumour that the reason Kyuhyun is missing is because -- because--"
"We know it's something to do with me," said Hankyung, heart sinking. "Just tell us, Siwon."
"Because Hankyung-hyung touched him. they were talking about it on our classes. They're saying that the reason Kyuhyun is missing is because Hankyung-hyung killed him."
Hankyung suddenly felt lightheaded and cold, felt like curling into a ball and never, ever unfurling. He lowered his head a little as everyone who hadn't already knew the rumour began talking over the top of one another, trying to find out where the rumour had started, who it had started with, how many people honestly believed it. Heechul's hand found Hankyung's wrist again, and then a voice cut over the top of them.
"Be careful, Kim, he might kill you, too."
Jaekyung had been quiet since that first incident on the lawn on Hankyung's first day, but apparently he had decided that now was his chance. Heechul turned to glare at him, and then laughed, bitterly. "So you're the one who started it." Jaekyung didn't answer. "I'm right, aren't I? Well, of course, you aren't going to admit it, but I'm right."
"You have to admit, it's a logical conclusion."
"Sure," said Heechul slowly, "except for the fact that -- and this is the clincher -- Kyuhyun isn'tdead."
"How do you know?"
"Because he didn't die!" Ryeowook stood up and slammed his hand on the table, then blushed and sat back down, half turned to Yehsung when he repeated, "because he didn't die."
"I didn't kill him," said Hankyung softly, "and I'd like you to stop implying that I killed one of my friends."
Jaekyung sneered at him and attempted saying something, but was interrupted by commotion by the door. Zhou Mi, who had chosen to skip classes that day, ran in, dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt which he had clearly pulled on in a hurry. "Ge!" he shrieked in Mandarin, running towards them. "Ge, you have to help, you have to get help--!"
"What the hell is he yelling about?" Heechul asked in a tense voice as Hankyung stood up slowly, Jaekyung forgotten. "Seasoning, what is it?"
Zhou Mi was so distraught that he didn't seem able to even speak Korean any longer. "It's Kui Xian, Kui Xian, he's -- he's gone quiet, ge. Ge, I can't hear his thoughts anymore."
"Urgh," said Hankyung, feeling like he wanted nothing better than to just get back to the dorm and collapse against a sofa and not do anything for the rest of the night. Instead he was dragged by Heechul to one of the study rooms, where they sat and completed all the homework that had been building up and which they had been putting off due to last week being the first week back. After Hankyung finished his last Korean exercise, he threw his pen down and sunk his head onto the table, groaning.
"Life," he said, not very coherently, "was so much easier when I never came out of my bedroom."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about that," said Heechul, still biting the end of his pen as he considered something in his History essay. "Didn't you used to get bored, just staying in your room all the time?"
"All the time," admitted Hankyung. "I got so bored that I taught myself Korean, Heechul. That's how bored I used to get."
"Yeah, well, I'm sure you found something to do."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hankyung was suspicious of Heechul's tone.
Heechul smirked at him. "Oh, come on, Hankyung. A bored teenage boy, locked in his bedroom? I know what you got up to."
Hankyung flushed, slightly annoyed. "What the hell does this have to do with anything?"
"Just trying to work out why you jump to the ceiling whenever I touch you," said Heechul, glancing back at his paper. He sounded indifferent, which let Hankyung know that he was actually bothered by it. He flushed even harder.
"I can't help it," he muttered, sinking his head to the table again.
"Don't jump," said Heechul, and he pushed him upright and sat on his lap. Heechul really didn't weigh a whole lot more than he looked like he weighed. He rested his cheek against Hankyung's head, possibly to keep him still, as he let his hand drift from Hankyung's forehead, down over his nose and resting his fingers against his mouth. Hankyung's breathing was slightly faster than normal but he didn't move.
"Why don't you touch me?" Heechul asked. Hankyung curled his fingers around the edge of the table.
"What's the point?" he asked. "I can't feel your skin."
"Take the gloves off then," said Heechul.
"Don't be stupid."
"And so we come back around in a circle," said Heechul. He climbed back off Hankyung's legs and came around so he could drape his hands over his back. "You won't take your gloves off because you're scared you'll kill me--"
"I'm not scared," interrupted Hankyung. "I know I'll kill you. I've already killed my sister, Heechul, how could I live with--"
"Fine!" said Heechul, throwing his arms up and angrily snatching his notebook from the table and stuffing it into his bag. "Fine, we'll just be chaste, the most fucking virtuous couple to ever grace the planet, shall we? That will be fucking awesome."
"Heechul..."
Heechul slammed out of the room, the bang of the door behind him ringing in Hankyung's ears. He groaned, running his hands over his face and slumping down in his chair. What was he supposed to do? How could he possibly throw off years of no bodily contact and be comfortable suddenly with Heechul's hands in places that he'd never had hands before (unless you counted his own and he didn't, really)? How could he possibly suddenly be fine with touching someone, when he'd avoided doing that for so much of his life?
He sighed and shoved his stuff into his bag, possibly bending the pages of his History essay but not really caring. Then he left the school building and quickly walked over the lawn towards the dorm, the sunlight just beginning to tinge with pink and orange. He went first to the room that he had been told the others would be waiting in and dumped his bag down and collapsed into a chair.
"Where's hyung?" asked Siwon, surprised.
"We had an argument," muttered Hankyung, not looking at him.
"Great," said Sungmin. He was sitting on the sofa next to Siwon, a usual place that he had taken over the past couple of days. It had been enough to raise eyebrows if nothing else. "Another arguing couple."
Hankyung winced and looked up, noticing that in addition to Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi being missing, Kibum was gone too, and Donghae was in the corner with Eunhyuk, talking about something. He looked upset, one foot resting on the chair, chin against his knee. "What's wrong with Donghae?" Hankyung asked, more than anything to distract anyone asking about his fight with Heechul.
"Kibum snapped at him earlier," said Sungmin. "Donghae asked him something and Kibum told him that he should just ask Eunhyuk since he does everything else with Eunhyuk, and then he stormed out of the room." He paused. "It was very melodramatic, very well done."
"It was odd," said Siwon. "Donghae-hyung doesn't know what he did wrong."
"I don't think he did anything wrong," said Sungmin. "I think Kibum's just caught a case of jealousy." He focused on Hankyung. "Now what did you argue with Heechul about? I spent so long getting you two together that you can't ruin this for me." Reflecting on it, Hankyung really shouldn't have expected to get away with changing the subject, not around Sungmin.
"Just. Stuff," he said.
"Hankyung."
"It's kind of personal, Sungmin."
"Oh," said Sungmin, then, "Ohhh," in a tone that mixed sexual innuendo with deep understanding and which was completely crude. "I see."
"He just -- not like that, Sungmin."
"Just don't do it in my room, okay? Ew."
"I'm telling you, that's not it!" Hankyung looked desperately at Siwon for some back-up, but Siwon was studiously looking away. "That's the whole -- shut up."
Zhou Mi came into the room, looking worried, and made a beeline. "Ge? Is Heechul-hyung okay?"
"We had an argument," said Hankyung. "Why, did he--"
"I saw him going into his bedroom. He just seemed upset," said Zhou Mi. "Kind of too fuzzy-headed for me to be able to work out why, though."
"I should go see if he's okay," said Hankyung, already half out of his chair.
"You should," said Zhou Mi, biting his lip. Hankyung left the room, just hearing Sungmin ask Zhou Mi if he'd spoken to Kyuhyun today. Hankyung was suddenly gripped by a fear that if he let this go on for much longer, he and Heechul would end up like Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, both of them too proud to make up. Hankyung couldn't afford to be proud any longer. He practically ran up the stairs to the floor that their rooms were on, and only waited for a moment after he'd knocked on the door before going in.
"Heechul--"
"Fuck, Hankyung," said Heechul, hand over his heart. "You almost gave me a freaking heart attack."
Hankyung paused by the end of his bed, staring at Heechul who was playing with his mobile phone by the strap. "Heechul," he said seriously. "I wanted to --"
"Ergh, don't," said Heechul, laying his phone on the table next to him. "Because then I'll have to tell you that no, it was totally my fault, and you know how much I hate saying sorry, Hankyung."
"It's just," said Hankyung earnestly, "that I am so crap, I know I am, but I don't want to lose you so I will just, I'll do whatever, okay, I'll try so hard, so just--"
"Shut your damn face," said Heechul. "You're a freaking moron, okay."
"I can't be the perfect boyfriend, but I am trying so hard."
"I know you are," said Heechul, no bite left in his voice at all. "I feel like such a dick now. I hate you. Sit down." Hankyung sat, only for Heechul to push him down on his back and lie against his chest. He put one hand against the side of his head, fingertips just touching Hankyung's hair, the other against his chest. "We just need to get you used to this," said Heechul softly. "And that might take a while, but that's okay, you know."
Hankyung knew that, because he was the one who was going to make it okay.
"I'm cold," complained Kyuhyun.
"So get a sweater," said Heechul. "Or are you talking about your personality, because you know, we're already aware of that."
"I hate you," Kyuhyun muttered darkly, but he did shiver before standing up. "I'm going to get a sweater, actually, that might help."
"Why are you telling me?" Heechul asked. "Just because you're not talking to Seasoning doesn't mean you get to talk to me all the time."
"Seriously," said Kyuhyun, flipping him off. "I hate you." He left the room.
Heechul settled down against Hankyung's side. "Now that we're alone," he said, letting his voice trail off.
"You're not fucking alone," said Kangin, voice muffled against the sofa that he had thrown himself down onto after control lessons. It was, admittedly true, since it wasn't just Kangin who was also in the room, Shindong and Sungmin were talking by the window and Eunhyuk was playing on his DS. Kangin groaned and lifted his head. "You've got a room, why don't you use it?"
"We've got two rooms," said Heechul cheerfully.
"No, Siwon is in mine," said Hankyung.
"Oh, okay," said Heechul. "We've got a room, but we don't want to use it."
"Hyung," whined Kangin, then, as Eeteuk entered the room, "Teukie-hyung, make Heechul go away."
"Nurgh," said Eeteuk in response, and curled up on a sofa, knees pulled up and head bent in so that they were almost touching. His wings were folded in against his back, feathers barely visible against the white of his shirt. Heechul and Kangin exchanged glances and both stood up.
"Teukie-hyung?"
"Can someone get me some painkillers?" Eeteuk said, voice faint. He reached down and fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a key. "There'll be some in my bathroom."
There was another moment where Heechul and Kangin looked at each other and then Heechul nodded tensely and left the room. Eunhyuk pulled his headphones out as Sungmin and Shindong too noticed that something was up. Kangin took Eeteuk's hand. "What is it, hyung?" he asked, voice pitched low.
"Growing pains," said Eeteuk, a pained smile just visible under the hair which had fallen into his face. "Bones strengthening."
Hankyung looked at Shindong in confusion. "Every few months Eeteuk's bones got through a short time of strengthening," Shindong explained, eyes flicking between Hankyung and Eeteuk curled on the sofa. "It's really painful, keeps him out of practice for a couple of days."
"It's okay, hyung," soothed Kangin. "One more of these times means one less before the whole process is complete."
"I know," said Eeteuk, and his fingers convulsed around Kangin's. "It'll all be over soon, I've just got to endure it." He brought his hand up and rubbed it against his face, possibly rubbing away tears. "It hurts, Kangin," he whispered.
"I know," said Kangin. "I know it does."
Hankyung was staring so hard that it couldn't be considered polite in any way, but he couldn't help himself. Suddenly all the certainty around Eeteuk, all that self-assured manner and aura of being in control, had fallen away, leaving someone who suddenly seemed a lot more like an eighteen-year-old than Eeteuk had ever looked before. "Heechul-hyung will be back soon," said Kangin, and he looked a lot older than Hankyung had ever seen him before. "We'll let the tablets work and then I'll take you back to your room once the pain has died down enough to move you."
Heechul came back, and said painkillers were administered. Hankyung unspoken question as to why they needed to get them directly from Eeteuk's room was answered when he spotted the bottle and realised that they were heavy strength. Eeteuk was helped upright and he took a couple with water. He gripped Kangin's hand tight. After about ten minutes, the pain had apparently eased off enough for him to relax somewhat; half an hour in, they had knocked him unconscious. Kangin sighed, peeling Eeteuk's fingers away.
"Poor Eeteuk-hyung," said Sungmin softly.
Kangin carried Eeteuk back to his bedroom, and apparently watched over him, because he only came back out when it was time for dinner. "He's still asleep," he said, bolting down his food. "I don't want him to wake up in pain without someone there."
"I'll sit with him later on tonight," said Heechul quietly.
Kangin shook his head, grinning. "No thanks, hyung, you know this is my only chance to have him on his own." Heechul snorted with laughter and waved cheerfully at Kangin as he ran off again, looking rather like one of the large animals that he was able to transform into. Conversation returned slowly, mainly at the part of the table that Heechul, Hankyung, Siwon and Sungmin were sitting at. Down the other end, Donghae and Kibum were steadfastly ignoring each other, Eunhyuk was sitting there rather uncomfortably, and Kyuhyun, sat next to Donghae, had two giant sweaters on and was still shivering. Ryeowook, sitting opposite, looked at him warily.
"Kyuhyun, you should probably go see the doctor," he said. Kyuhyun waved off his worries with a hand gesture.
"I'm fine," he said. "Probably just caught a cold."
Yehsung reached over and put his hand against Kyuhyun's forehead before Kyuhyun could work out what was happening. He flinched back, scowling, but not before Yehsung had snatched his hand away. "Kyuhyun," he said slowly, "you're not burning up."
"That's good," said Shindong with a laugh.
"No," said Yehsung. "It's not. His skin is like ice."
"Makes sense, I suppose," said Kyuhyun. His voice was suddenly a lot fainter than it had been. "Since my power is ice..." He trailed away because he had lost consciousness, head tipping back, jaw slack. There was a moment where everyone stared, half wondering if it was all just a joke, then Ryeowook dropped his fork against his plate with a clatter, breaking the spell, and all hell seemed to break loose.
The teachers had noticed something strange was happening -- hard not to when a group of students seemed to crowd around another one. Hyori touched Kyuhyun's forehead once and then he was immediately taken to the hospital wing without a single word of explanation to anyone. No one was allowed to see him, the group of them trying to peer through the glass slats of the door to see what was going on. Eventually Hyori came out, grimness in every inch of her face. "Where's Eeteuk?" she asked.
"He's not well," said Heechul. "His bones -- you know."
Hyori nodded tensely. "Kyuhyun-shi is going to be moved to the hospital," she said, brittle and uptight, different than usual. "They'll be able to run more tests there."
"Hospital?" Ryeowook practically shrank away from the word.
"We're not sure what the trouble is but we'll be sure to let you know." Hyori started pushing the doors to the hospital wing open again. "Heechul, when Eeteuk is strong enough, ask him to come to see me." Heechul nodded, and Hyori disappeared again.
They were quiet and solemn when they returned to the school. Zhou Mi had been the only one missing from dinner, but he greeted them with an anxious and slightly hysterical, "What's wrong with Kui Xian?"
"You've been told, huh," said Heechul.
"No," said Zhou Mi. "No one has told me anything. I can just -- hear it. Something's wrong. My mind is all fuzzy with it."
"I thought you said that you couldn't hear Kyuhyun's thoughts," Heechul said with a frown.
"I usually can't, so that's how I know he's ill. What is it, what's wrong with him?"
"They don't know," said Sungmin, who strangely enough looked rather calm and in control. "They're running tests. Zhou Mi, you should sit down."
"What happened to him?"
"He collapsed in the middle of dinner," said Donghae. "He was so cold, Yehsung said it was like ice, and then he just fainted."
"I should have been there," said Zhou Mi, looking like his world was crashing down. "I should have been there but I was being too stubborn--"
"You can't think like that," said Sungmin firmly. "It's not your fault. He'll be fine, you'll see."
Most of them decided to just go to bed, as the shock and worrying had tired them out. Ryeowook in particular looked dead on his feet, always one to feel things in extremes; he didn't look happy, though, at the prospect of staying in his room by himself for the night. Yehsung opened his mouth, saw the way Heechul was grinning at him, ready to make a lewd remark, then seemed to change his mind.
After much bullying from Heechul and Sungmin, Zhou Mi agreed to try to sleep. "You'll just make yourself ill if you stay up worrying," Heechul pointed out, and although Zhou Mi didn't look particularly well rested the next morning, something was better than nothing. After making sure that Zhou Mi did, in fact, go into his room, where Henry would have to deal with him, Heechul and Sungmin decided to commandeer Hankyung and Siwon's room for a short while.
Siwon stretched out on the floor so that his toes were pressed against the wall. He brought his toes back and then let them fall against it, and his big toe on his left foot went through it. "Oh," he said sadly, and pulled it back out, moving until he was sitting cross-legged. Sungmin, sitting on Siwon's bed holding his pillow to his stomach, smothered a laugh in it.
"You'll have to go ask to get that fixed," said Heechul in a bored tone, inspecting his hair for split ends. He was sitting on the end of Hankyung's bed and wouldn't leave so that the actual occupiers of the room could sleep.
"Don't you think that was kind of shocking, though, with Kyuhyun today?" Sungmin asked, biting his bottom lip. Heechul cast a quick look in Siwon's direction, then shrugged.
"I guess."
"I hope he's okay. You think he'll be okay, right?"
"Of course, hyung," said Siwon reassuringly. "He'll be fine. They'll find out what's wrong and then they'll be able to give him the right treatment."
"I hope you're right," said Sungmin. Then, deceptively casual, he said, "You guys say how Zhou Mi was, right? He was beside himself. He probably wouldn't even be able to tell you his name right now, never mind anything else."
"Seasoning," Heechul said, "is a girl."
"I don't feel like that," said Sungmin. He said it with the air of dropping a great, important bombshell, which landed flat because everyone just blinked at him. "I don't feel -- I mean, I'm worried, obviously. I'm scared for him, and all that, but I don't feel -- I'm not distraught, like Zhou Mi. I don't want to run to his bedside and fling myself beside him and sob that he needs to open his eyes, as much of an awesome picture as that paints. I don't feel like that."
"For god's sake," said Heechul. "How hard is it to admit that you simply do not like Kyuhyun in that way anymore?"
There was a long pause, before Sungmin straightened his back and said imperiously, "I do not like Kyuhyun anymore." Then he slumped a little and repeated wonderingly, "I don't like Kyuhyun anymore. I don't."
"There," said Heechul, a semi-smile on his face. "Was that so hard?"
"But I've always liked Kyuhyun," said Sungmin, looking and sounding confused.
"Well, not anymore."
"How do I -- I'm sorry, I'm confused. How am I supposed to -- what the--"
"Oh my god, Sungmin, liking Kyuhyun did not make up an integral part of your life, okay? It didn't define you, so stop acting as though it did."
"Look, it's not that, it's just that I've liked him for so long, it feels -- odd."
"Your face is odd," said Heechul darkly.
"No, it isn't," said Siwon. "Sungmin-hyung has a nice face." Sungmin blushed and glanced down at his hands, but apparently didn't make any connection between that and what they had just been talking about. Heechul groaned and flopped down on the bed, head against Hankyung's calf.
"Is everyone around me stupid?" he grumbled.
"Yeah, probably," said Hankyung.
Kyuhyun was still missing the next day, and no news filtered down through to them. Control classes were cancelled for all years, which suggested that Hyori was at the hospital with him. By lunch, everyone's nerves were frazzled, after a particularly harrowing lesson with Park, in which she kept wondering out loud about "poor Kyuhyun's condition" and seemed to take great happiness in the fact that he might be getting worse. Only constant muttering of obscenities under his breath kept Heechul from standing up and punching her.
Eeteuk was missing too, which was perhaps the only reason why Park even felt like she could get away with half of the things she said. After class finished at midday, Kangin jumped up and rushed out, going to check up on Eeteuk and make sure that he was eating okay. It meant that they were without both Kangin's domineering presence and Eeteuk's reputation in the school when they walked into the lunch hall only for every single person there to fall silent, staring at them.
"The fuck?" asked Yehsung in a whisper as they picked their way through the tables to where those of their friends in lower years were already sitting. Eyes followed them, even as whispering started up again. Hankyung began to notice that actually, it was not them generally that the staring was directed at: every pair of eyes was focused on him. It was apparently something that Heechul noticed too, since he reached back and gripped Hankyung's wrist so hard that his nails almost dug in. A girl at a table near them gasped in shock at his daring at getting so close to Hankyung's hand.
Heechul opened his mouth furiously, but Hankyung shook his head and stepped a little closer to murmur, "Don't, just leave it." He wanted to get to the others and find out what had happened, why silence and staring filled the room when he walked in. By the time they got there, most of the noise had started up again, though a few eyes still lingered on him. Everyone already sitting looked confused, apart from those in their first year: Ryeowook was poking at his rice, while Siwon had his head bowed. Henry seemed to be stuffing his face with food so that if anyone asked, he wouldn't be able to reply.
"Okay," said Yehsung, sighing as he sat and put an arm across Ryeowook's shoulders. "Come on, spill. What was that all about?"
"I don't know what you mean," whispered Ryeowook, hiding behind his hair. Yehsung gave him a little shake, then looked up in confusion when that didn't yield any results. Heechul took over.
"Hey, Siwon," he said, sitting down next to him. Siwon shied away a little. "Siwon. Siwon. Siwon. SIWON."
"What, hyung?"
"Tell us what just happened."
"You walked in and everyone went quiet."
Heechul's eyes narrowed. Hankyung took the seat next to him. "Don't try and play clever with me. Why did everyone go quiet? You clearly know why."
Siwon looked up only to give Hankyung a worried look. "Hyung, I don't want to--"
"Siwon."
"Someone is spreading a rumour that the reason Kyuhyun is missing is because -- because--"
"We know it's something to do with me," said Hankyung, heart sinking. "Just tell us, Siwon."
"Because Hankyung-hyung touched him. they were talking about it on our classes. They're saying that the reason Kyuhyun is missing is because Hankyung-hyung killed him."
Hankyung suddenly felt lightheaded and cold, felt like curling into a ball and never, ever unfurling. He lowered his head a little as everyone who hadn't already knew the rumour began talking over the top of one another, trying to find out where the rumour had started, who it had started with, how many people honestly believed it. Heechul's hand found Hankyung's wrist again, and then a voice cut over the top of them.
"Be careful, Kim, he might kill you, too."
Jaekyung had been quiet since that first incident on the lawn on Hankyung's first day, but apparently he had decided that now was his chance. Heechul turned to glare at him, and then laughed, bitterly. "So you're the one who started it." Jaekyung didn't answer. "I'm right, aren't I? Well, of course, you aren't going to admit it, but I'm right."
"You have to admit, it's a logical conclusion."
"Sure," said Heechul slowly, "except for the fact that -- and this is the clincher -- Kyuhyun isn'tdead."
"How do you know?"
"Because he didn't die!" Ryeowook stood up and slammed his hand on the table, then blushed and sat back down, half turned to Yehsung when he repeated, "because he didn't die."
"I didn't kill him," said Hankyung softly, "and I'd like you to stop implying that I killed one of my friends."
Jaekyung sneered at him and attempted saying something, but was interrupted by commotion by the door. Zhou Mi, who had chosen to skip classes that day, ran in, dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt which he had clearly pulled on in a hurry. "Ge!" he shrieked in Mandarin, running towards them. "Ge, you have to help, you have to get help--!"
"What the hell is he yelling about?" Heechul asked in a tense voice as Hankyung stood up slowly, Jaekyung forgotten. "Seasoning, what is it?"
Zhou Mi was so distraught that he didn't seem able to even speak Korean any longer. "It's Kui Xian, Kui Xian, he's -- he's gone quiet, ge. Ge, I can't hear his thoughts anymore."
...................................................................
"Korean, Seasoning," said Heechul. Zhou Mi took one long breath, let it out, gasped in another, and repeated what he'd said in Korean. The silence seemed to spread out from their group throughout the dining hall at Zhou Mi's words. Heechul tried to diffuse the situation. "But Seasoning, that just means he's better, right? Now that you can't hear his thoughts."
"It's a different silence," Zhou Mi said. "Before it was forced. I knew he was hiding his thoughts to me, but it's not like that was a bad thing, it's not as though I have a right to people's inner-most feelings. But this is just, silent. There's nothing, just silence. Hyung, you have to help, please, you have--"
He was beginning to hyperventilate. Even though everyone else felt like doing something similar as the fear washed over them, somehow they managed to stay calm enough to get Zhou Mi to sit down and attempt to breathe normally. A couple of the teachers had disappeared. Chang, the maths teacher, had reached them. "Zhou Mi-ah," he said, not even having to kneel down to talk to the sitting Zhou Mi since he was so tall. "Do you think this is because Kyuhyun-shi is dead?"
"No," said Zhou Mi firmly, which caused a sigh of relief to go up. "He's not dead because -- because he can't be dead. Kui Xian can't be dead." His face crumpled, tears springing to his eyes, and the sigh of relief quickly gave way to uncertainty again. "Please tell me he's not dead."
No one knew, so no one was willing to tell him so. Only the teacher reassured him that Kyuhyun was probably not dead, but that was probably because it was his job to reassure students that everything was going to be fine. He wasn't particularly good at it, so when one of the other teachers returned and asked gravely to speak to Zhou Mi in private, Zhou Mi still looked terrified, and Ryeowook looked like he was about to burst into tears right there and then. They watched as Zhou Mi was led off.
Five minutes later, the bell for afternoon classes rang. The other students didn't move for a minute, until the teachers began moving through them, telling them to return to classes. There was strong resistance from Kyuhyun's friends, who were desperate to hear what had happened to Kyuhyun, but eventually they were forced to their classes. Teachers left them alone, didn't even bother asking them questions, since they knew that their minds were not on the task. News came through that control classes were to be cancelled again. This, to Hankyung, seemed rather ominous.
They practically sprinted back from their classes. Sungmin, who had apparently teleported back before them from the school building, was running down the stairs towards them when the third year students came through the front doors. "Henry and the first years have searched all the common rooms, and I've just been to his room, he's not there. Do you think they've taken him to the hospital?"
"Could have done," Heechul said. "There is one place that you haven't yet checked."
"Where?"
"Where do other emo boys go when they want to be alone?"
"Hey," said Hankyung annoyed, then, "Oh, you may be right."
It turned out that Heechul was right, something he was quick to point out when they left the shadows of the trees and walked out onto the shore of the lake to see Zhou Mi sitting on a large rock some way down the edge of the water to their right. He was staring down into the water, looking so melancholy that Hankyung felt almost sick with fear, though he tried reasoning to himself that if Kyuhyun had died, Zhou Mi would surely be in tears.
Zhou Mi looked up only when a silent Heechul lay a hand against his shoulder. "Seasoning," he said, sitting down next to him. Those who had come down to the lake with him, Hankyung, Sungmin and Yehsung, stood a little away. "Seasoning, did they tell you what happened?"
"He's not dead," Zhou Mi said. He leaned to his right and picked up a small stone and tossed it into the water, causing ripples. "They've put him in a coma to stabilise him while they run tests, they still don't know what's wrong with him."
"Well, that's good, right?" Heechul sounded confused. "That he's not dead."
"My sister slipped into a coma once," Zhou Mi said, throwing another stone. "She almost died. And they've put him into one."
"This is different, Zhou Mi," said Sungmin. "This will help his body to not give up, it's not because his body is giving up already." Zhou Mi was silent. Heechul turned to the others and shrugged, a little helplessly. Yehsung shrugged back. Heechul glared at him. Sungmin surged on ahead. "Did they let you see him?"
"No." Zhou Mi's voice was thick. "No one is allowed to see him in case his illness is catching."
Nobody said anything for a short while. Eventually Zhou Mi turned his face to Heechul, tears running down his cheeks. "What if -- what if he dies and I never got to say sorry?"
"Seasoning," said Heechul in a tense, warning tone.
"I wasn't even angry at him, not anymore, it was just so hard to say that I forgive him without admitting that I had been wrong. It would have been like saying that telling Geng-ge's secret was absolutely fine, when it wasn't, when it was a bad thing, a horrible thing to do."
"But he apologised, Zhou Mi," Hankyung said. "He was sorry for it. You know he didn't mean to."
"I'm so stupid," Zhou Mi sobbed. "Why was I so stubborn, now he might die and I never even got to say that I was sorry."
"He is not going to die," said Heechul, still tense. "He's not, okay? So stop even thinking like that."
It was obvious to everyone, however, that Zhou Mi wouldn't be able to stop thinking 'like that' until they knew exactly what was wrong with Kyuhyun, and apparently the doctors were a little fuzzy. They'd never seen someone before with a body temperature that cold. "They don't have a clue," Zhou Mi said, hiccuping a little as he wiped away the tears on his face. "It's the fact that they don't know that scares me. How can the doctors not know, if they're supposed to fix it?"
"They'll find out soon enough." Heechul stood up and stretched his arms above his head. Sensing that they were about to move, the rest of them picked themselves up off the floor, Sungmin fussing over the knees of his school pants, brushing dust from them. Heechul turned to look down at Zhou Mi. "Did they contact his parents?"
"They're on their way now," Zhou Mi said. He kicked his foot back against the rock, and then got to his feet too. "I think they're going to stay at the school until he gets better."
Kyuhyun's parents had apparently arrived by late afternoon, which made sense, since they were only a couple of hours away, and it was Eunhyuk who saw them, climbing the stairs and being escorted to their rooms by one of the teachers, when Eunhyuk was heading down to the common room that they were sitting in. The atmosphere was subdued without Kyuhyun. It hadn't been that he'd even added a whole lot of noise when he had been there so much as he was obvious in being absent. It didn't help that Eeteuk was still confined to his bed knocked out on painkillers, which meant that Kangin was with him; in that, a large source of the noise was missing.
Zhou Mi only sat with them for an hour or so before quietly excusing himself for bed. Silence followed him out of the room and lingered slightly in the doorway as they sat for a minute. Donghae sunk a little lower in his seat. "Do you think Kyuhyun will be okay?" he asked, apparently to his knee.
"Who knows?" Yehsung said, sitting at the window looking out onto the grounds. He didn't notice the frightened look Ryeowook gave him. "We can't do anything but hope, for now."
Heechul, sitting with his legs slung over Siwon's shoulders in front of him, sighed. "Way to bring the mood down," he said, a little ironically, since there hadn't been much of a mood to begin with. Yehsung flipped him off.
"They'll find out what's wrong with him, right?" Ryeowook looked very small where he was sitting. Sungmin put his arm across his shoulders.
"Of course they will," he soothed. "They'll find out and they'll be able to fix it and it'll be fine. You'll see."
Shindong twisted his mouth at him. "You know, you're taking this very calmly."
Sungmin let his arm fall a little. "What do you mean?"
"I remember that time that Kyuhyun got a cold and went around sniffling all the time. You were practically beside yourself with worry then. But now--"
"Now you're only about as worried as we are," finished Yehsung, staring at Sungmin. "In fact, you're taking it better than some of us."
"What are you implying?"
"Nothing," Shindong said with a shrug. "It's just odd, that's all."
"God," said Heechul with relish. "Can't someone not like someone else anymore without everyone else commenting on it?"
There was a very short pause before Eunhyuk laughed. "Yeah, right. Like Sungmin wouldn't like Kyuhyun anymore."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sungmin asked, scowling at him. Eunhyuk sensed that he had put his foot wrong somewhere, and looked like he wasn't too sure quite where. Shindong was quicker off the mark.
"You -- you don't like Kyuhyun anymore!"
"No," said Sungmin, sounding irritated. "Why is this such a big deal?"
"But you've always liked Kyuhyun!"
"That's what Sungmin said," Heechul noted wryly, not actually making much sense.
"Well, I don't like him anymore," said Sungmin, folding his arms across his chest. "Okay?"
"So do you like someone else?"
Hankyung watched as every other pair of eyes flicked towards Siwon, who didn't notice because he was too busy biting his bottom lip and looking at Sungmin, part-hopeful, part-wistful. Sungmin shook his head after a hesitant pause. "No." Siwon's face dropped. That was enough to annoy Heechul.
"Really," he said acidly. "I know that the image of Sungmin you all have doesn't lend itself to it, but he really doesn't have anyone he likes."
"What image of me?" Sungmin asked, outraged.
"You know," Heechul said. "That image of you as a bit of a whore."
Sungmin's face froze. He looked torn between anger and hurt. "Wait, really? That's -- that's what you think of me?"
People were glaring at Heechul now, clearly thinking that he'd gone too far in his joking. He didn't seem too bothered. "No," said Shindong. "We don't think of you like that at all."
Siwon, clearly annoyed at Heechul, which was a little ironic as Heechul had only been trying to stand up for him in a misguided way, reached down and pinched the skin of Heechul's ankle. "Hyung!" he said warningly, as Heechul yelped. Heechul twisted his mouth around but then gave in.
"Sungmin, it was a freaking joke, okay? Stop taking everything so seriously."
"Well, it wasn't a very funny one," said Sungmin, sinking in his chair, almost exactly at the same time that Donghae shot upright in his.
"Where's Kibum?" he asked, tilting his head as he looked around the room. There was bitter laughter from the chair next to the door, and Kibum flickered into sight, an open book on his knees.
"Finally noticed I was missing?" he asked.
Donghae frowned. "Huh?"
Kibum shook his head, getting to his feet. "Nothing. Never mind your brain about it. I'm going."
Donghae moved so fast that it was as if he'd pulled a Sungmin and teleported; his back hit the door with a bang, blocking Kibum's hand as he tried to open the door. "No," Donghae said harshly. "I won't just forget it. What the hell did you mean, Kibum?"
"Move, Donghae," said Kibum, through gritted teeth.
"No," said Donghae loudly. "No, I will not, okay? You've been snippy with me all week, ever since we got back from the holiday. What is wrong with you?"
"Me?" Kibum exploded. "Me? What is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you, Donghae? How can you just -- hang -- be like that -- with everyone, don't you have an loyalty or -- you know what, for--"
"Do not," said Donghae, hand gripping the handle of the door, "tell me to forget it."
"You seem happy enough to forget me," Kibum said. Donghae made a confused, exasperated noise. "This summer, when you were running around having fun with Eunhyuk, you were perfectly happy to just -- barely contact me and--"
"You were in America, Kibum!" Donghae's knuckles were white. "There was the time difference and I -- I did contact you, I stayed awake until the early hours of the morning just to call you, what the hell are you talking about?"
Kibum looked away from him. "Get away from the door, Donghae," he said.
"No."
"Get the fuck--"
"No."
"Donghae, if you do not move from the door, I will punch you."
The room was so tense that it was like simply moving would cut the air. There was a long pause, where Kibum and Donghae stared at each other, then eventually Donghae let go of the door and stepped aside, head bowed. Kibum wrenched it open and left the room, slamming it shut after him. Everyone stayed quiet, a little unsure as to how to react.
Donghae's head remained bowed, hair hanging down so that most of his face was obscured. "I'm going to bed," he said. His voice was thick. "Goodnight."
"Donghae," said Eunhyuk, rising to his feet, but Donghae had already left the room. There was another pause, and Eunhyuk went after him.
"Is it just me," Heechul's voice cut through the silence, "or is tonight getting really weird?"
***
The next day wasn't getting any better, Hankyung didn't think. Zhou Mi didn't turn up for breakfast. Henry quietly told them that he hadn't left his bed when Henry had come down. Kibum didn't turn up either, but then he could turn invisible, and they could never truly know if he was there or not. Donghae was there, sitting at the very end of the table picking at his scrambled egg and apparently not even eating it. Eunhyuk relayed in a quiet voice that Donghae had said that he didn't want to talk and then pretended to sleep for the rest of the time Eunhyuk was in the room the night before. The strange thing was, no one really knew what this fight was actually about.
"I understand that Kibum is jealous about something," Heechul said, voice pitched low so Donghae couldn't hear. "But what on earth is he jealous of? Donghae's friendship with you? Why would it suddenly be a problem?"
"No idea," Eunhyuk said, shrugging. "I don't even -- Donghae and I are just friends, you know? Why would Kibum even think--"
"Jealousy is irrational," Sungmin said wisely.
"Kibum is irrational," said Heechul.
All in all there was a bit of a dark cloud hanging over them all. Hankyung thought it was a bad state of affairs if he was one of the more cheerful ones. He made Heechul hang back after school that day, control lessons still being cancelled, and kissed him in the hallway. "I'm glad you're not the irrational jealous type," he said, tucking some of Heechul's hair back behind his ear.
"What do you mean," Heechul said immediately. "I can be the jealous type. I get jealous. I get jealous every time you let Siwon hang on your shoulders, how about that?"
"Okay," said Hankyung with a laugh. "Okay, you're not the irrational jealous type. You're just the irrational type."
"Hmph." Heechul folded his arms and nudged him away with his elbows. "It's not funny, really. Seriously, everything seems to be falling apart. Kibum and Donghae were always just there, you know? They were just, they were them. Together. I don't even know how to explain it."
"They were?" Hankyung blinked, surprised. "I always thought they were -- well, they never seemed like a couple, if you know what I mean. It kind of just felt like a comfortable situation to me."
Heechul looked at him thoughtfully. "Explain," he said.
Hankyung tried to think about what he'd been trying to say. "It was obvious that they had some sort of a relationship, but sometimes it just kind of felt like they didn't. Like they had a relationship when one of them needed it." He let his voice drop as he realised exactly what it felt like. "It felt like they had a relationship when Donghae wanted it." Heechul's eyebrow raised, so Hankyung hurriedly added, "I don't think he noticed, or did it on purpose. That's just...how it felt like."
"You know," said Heechul, pushing him away a little so they could head back to the school, "I think you're onto something."
Back at the school, the mood had not improved at all. Those who were trying to avoid the bad feelings -- Henry, Siwon, Shindong and Yehsung -- had apparently decided to do some homework, had burrowed themselves away in a common room, and been joined by Sungmin, who was giving Henry help with his Korean while simultaneously leaning on Siwon, looking over his shoulder to see what he was doing. Heechul's eyebrows narrowed but he kept his mouth shut this time. Siwon seemed happy enough from what Hankyung could see anyway.
"Hey," Heechul said, sitting down next to Ryeowook, who was curled on an armchair and appeared to be falling asleep. "Where's Donghae?"
"Donghae-hyung?" Ryeowook struggled to keep his eyes open. "I don't know, he went to his room, I think."
"Hyung!" Yehsung's head snapped up. "Leave Ryeowook alone."
Heechul rolled his eyes. "I'm only asking him where Donghae is!" he shouted back. "God, what's wrong with you?"
"Ryeowook's tired, leave him alone."
"Fine," Heechul said, moving to see what was happening with the homework group. Hankyung sat down on a chair where he could hear theconversation , but far enough away so that it wouldn't look like he was following Heechul, since he wasn't. Really. It wasn't that the sudden changes in the group had thrown him for a loop and he kind of needed some sort of stability. It wasn't that at all.
"What's up with him, anyway?" Heechul asked, leaning over Yehsung to snag a cookie from the plate in the middle. "He looks like he's been awake all night or something."
"Yeah, well, you try sleeping in a room that used to have your roommate, the one who's now in hospital fighting for his life, and you see how well you do." Yehsung batted Heechul's hand away. "You're getting crumbs on my work, hyung."
"Whatever," said Heechul, popping the last bit of biscuit into his mouth and brushing his hands over Yehsung's paper. Yehsung's eyebrow twitched. "Has anyone seen Donghae?"
"He went to his room," Sungmin said absently. "Ryeowook told you. No, Siwon, not like that." Sungmin covered Siwon's hand with his own to correct something he'd just written, and then paused, hand hovering while Siwon quickly drew his away. Hankyung saw him swallow, then he said, "You carry the three, you see, and that changes the whole answer."
"Right," said Siwon, the tips of his ears slightly red.
"Fuck this," said Heechul, his own eyebrow twitching. I'm going to watch television. Are you coming, Hankyung?"
"Gladly," said Hankyung, who had found himself getting slightly fascinated by the way Siwon and Sungmin were now avoiding looking at one another, and really didn't want to end up being the Sungmin to Sungmin's own relationship . He stood up and moved to the sofa, Heechul settling against his side as he switched the television on using the remote. Hankyung slung his arm over his shoulders.
"Keep it down," Yehsung warned, sending a glance in Ryeowook's direction. Heechul gave him a mock salute, but did keep the volume to a minimum. He flicked through the channels before he paused on a drama, some sort of thing which, after a couple of minutes, Hankyung realised was about the lives of an idol group -- though surely, that was a girl, wasn't it? He really didn't have a clue what was going on, and by the look on Heechul's face, neither did he. He was frowning at the screen, though apparently not for the same reason. "Hey, Siwon, isn't that Geun Suk?" he asked over his shoulder.
Siwon looked up and at the screen for a couple of seconds. "I think it is."
"The bastard!" Heechul stared at the screen. "He never told me he'd made it big. I'll have to hit him next time we're home -- wait, will he be living in Seoul now? I'm getting his number from his parents, he's in for it now."
"Who's Geun Suk?" Hankyung asked, trying to pick out which one Heechul meant.
"He was a friend from middle school," Heechul said. "Always said he was going to be an actor, never thought he'd actually do it." There was a pause. "Damn, when did he get so hot?"
Hankyung's glance at him was a little sharp, though no one appeared to notice. Sungmin was now staring at the screen too. "Which one?" he wanted to know.
"The leader of the group. The dick."
"Ahhh." Sungmin watched for a second, then grinned. "Yeah, he's hot."
"Right?"
Hankyung was having to box down on some strange, potent emotion that was swimming around in his mind. He felt like taking hold of Heechul's wrist, making a loop around his bones and skin like an over-sized wedding ring, just to make a point. He tightened his hand on Heechul's shoulder and let his leg fall more firmly against Heechul's. "He's not that good looking," he said.
"He's a lot better looking than he used to be," Heechul said. "No surgery though, I can tell that. Amazing what simply growing up can do."
"Not that amazing," Hankyung insisted. Heechul slid his gaze across to him, and Hankyung hated the knowing look in his eyes, so he turned and was hit by a knowing grin coming at him from Sungmin's direction. He therefore fixed his gaze on the cause of the emotion,Geun Suk or whoever he was. "Not that good looking," he muttered. "He has a stupid face."
"You have a stupid face," Heechul said, patting his knee condescendingly. "But that's okay. Stupid faces are in Vogue." Hankyung made an incomprehensible noise. "Weren't you just saying you were glad I wasn't the jealous type?"
"I--" Hankyung began, but he was interrupted by Donghae entering the room. His eyes were red rimmed and swollen; he didn't speak a word to anyone, choosing instead to sit slowly down in an armchair quite near where Ryeowook was curled up. He lay his head back, staring at the ceiling blankly. Heechul, after removing Hankyung's suddenly loose hand from his shoulder, moved to a chair next to the one Donghae had taken, sitting forward and taking his hand to get Donghae to look at him. They began to talk in low voices.
Hankyung turned in his chair so that he was not quite so obviously turned towards Heechul and Donghae, and was instead facing the study group. Sungmin had returned to correcting Henry's Korean, though this time was leaning over his shoulder and not touching Siwon at all. With a guilty twinge, Hankyung remembered the Geography essay that was due in two days. With a sigh, he pulled a chair up to the table and sat there, taking out his paper and books. The table was getting rather crowded now.
He needn't have worried though; Heechul and Donghae only spoke for as long as it took Hankyung to write his introduction. Heechul pulled Donghae in for a hug, before Donghae again left the room. Heechul came over to the table and slung his hands over Hankyung's shoulders. "What's up with him?" Sungmin asked, worried.
"He just tried to talk to Kibum," Heechul said quietly. "He saw him sitting in the grounds reading when he was on his way through to here, so he went outside to speak to him. After he called out his name, Kibum looked up, directly at him, then disappeared. He's completely ignoring Donghae."
"Kibum is so hard to get hold of," said Yehsung. "I mean, even when he's not angry at someone. How are we ever supposed to know why he's angry?"
"I have no idea," Heechul said, sighing and leaving Hankyung to sit back down to watch television. The drama episode had finished, so he began searching through again to find something else to watch, and eventually settled on the news, which was, in hindsight, not the most sensible of ideas he'd had. The first story they heard was news of a killing somewhere in Southern Korea.
-- the teenager, believed at this point to be a mutant, was killed outside a local shopping center by a group of youths. Witnesses have claimed that the teenage boy was merely walking alone when he was set upon by youths wielding knives. Witnesses also claim to have heard anti-mutant insults during the attack, whichoccurred in broad daylight. As yet, no one has been arrested, and police are investigating --
Yehsung groaned, throwing his pen down. "Oh my god, what?"
"I agree with this question," said Shindong.
"Why wasn't he here?" Sungmin asked. "I thought all mutants were educated here."
"Only if we want to," said Heechul. "You don't have to come, do you? Some kids just want -- normal lives."
Hankyung bit his lip, looking away, as all his wishes of just wanting a normal life came back to him. He knew how easily that could have been him; if the boy was a mutant, then his power could surely have not have been as Hankyung's own. His parents had just been thinking about preserving their own reputation when they let him lock himself away, he knew, but in doing so there was no doubt that his life had been preserved as well.
He looked up to see Henry frowning down at his paper, eyes unseeing. Surprised, Hankyung put his hand on his shoulder, and Henry looked up, surprised. Hankyung gave him a reassuring smile, something Henry tried his best to return, before he returned to scribbling on his paper. Hankyung tried to say something, but was distracted by Heechul calling of him to look at the dancing cat on the television.
"It's a different silence," Zhou Mi said. "Before it was forced. I knew he was hiding his thoughts to me, but it's not like that was a bad thing, it's not as though I have a right to people's inner-most feelings. But this is just, silent. There's nothing, just silence. Hyung, you have to help, please, you have--"
He was beginning to hyperventilate. Even though everyone else felt like doing something similar as the fear washed over them, somehow they managed to stay calm enough to get Zhou Mi to sit down and attempt to breathe normally. A couple of the teachers had disappeared. Chang, the maths teacher, had reached them. "Zhou Mi-ah," he said, not even having to kneel down to talk to the sitting Zhou Mi since he was so tall. "Do you think this is because Kyuhyun-shi is dead?"
"No," said Zhou Mi firmly, which caused a sigh of relief to go up. "He's not dead because -- because he can't be dead. Kui Xian can't be dead." His face crumpled, tears springing to his eyes, and the sigh of relief quickly gave way to uncertainty again. "Please tell me he's not dead."
No one knew, so no one was willing to tell him so. Only the teacher reassured him that Kyuhyun was probably not dead, but that was probably because it was his job to reassure students that everything was going to be fine. He wasn't particularly good at it, so when one of the other teachers returned and asked gravely to speak to Zhou Mi in private, Zhou Mi still looked terrified, and Ryeowook looked like he was about to burst into tears right there and then. They watched as Zhou Mi was led off.
Five minutes later, the bell for afternoon classes rang. The other students didn't move for a minute, until the teachers began moving through them, telling them to return to classes. There was strong resistance from Kyuhyun's friends, who were desperate to hear what had happened to Kyuhyun, but eventually they were forced to their classes. Teachers left them alone, didn't even bother asking them questions, since they knew that their minds were not on the task. News came through that control classes were to be cancelled again. This, to Hankyung, seemed rather ominous.
They practically sprinted back from their classes. Sungmin, who had apparently teleported back before them from the school building, was running down the stairs towards them when the third year students came through the front doors. "Henry and the first years have searched all the common rooms, and I've just been to his room, he's not there. Do you think they've taken him to the hospital?"
"Could have done," Heechul said. "There is one place that you haven't yet checked."
"Where?"
"Where do other emo boys go when they want to be alone?"
"Hey," said Hankyung annoyed, then, "Oh, you may be right."
It turned out that Heechul was right, something he was quick to point out when they left the shadows of the trees and walked out onto the shore of the lake to see Zhou Mi sitting on a large rock some way down the edge of the water to their right. He was staring down into the water, looking so melancholy that Hankyung felt almost sick with fear, though he tried reasoning to himself that if Kyuhyun had died, Zhou Mi would surely be in tears.
Zhou Mi looked up only when a silent Heechul lay a hand against his shoulder. "Seasoning," he said, sitting down next to him. Those who had come down to the lake with him, Hankyung, Sungmin and Yehsung, stood a little away. "Seasoning, did they tell you what happened?"
"He's not dead," Zhou Mi said. He leaned to his right and picked up a small stone and tossed it into the water, causing ripples. "They've put him in a coma to stabilise him while they run tests, they still don't know what's wrong with him."
"Well, that's good, right?" Heechul sounded confused. "That he's not dead."
"My sister slipped into a coma once," Zhou Mi said, throwing another stone. "She almost died. And they've put him into one."
"This is different, Zhou Mi," said Sungmin. "This will help his body to not give up, it's not because his body is giving up already." Zhou Mi was silent. Heechul turned to the others and shrugged, a little helplessly. Yehsung shrugged back. Heechul glared at him. Sungmin surged on ahead. "Did they let you see him?"
"No." Zhou Mi's voice was thick. "No one is allowed to see him in case his illness is catching."
Nobody said anything for a short while. Eventually Zhou Mi turned his face to Heechul, tears running down his cheeks. "What if -- what if he dies and I never got to say sorry?"
"Seasoning," said Heechul in a tense, warning tone.
"I wasn't even angry at him, not anymore, it was just so hard to say that I forgive him without admitting that I had been wrong. It would have been like saying that telling Geng-ge's secret was absolutely fine, when it wasn't, when it was a bad thing, a horrible thing to do."
"But he apologised, Zhou Mi," Hankyung said. "He was sorry for it. You know he didn't mean to."
"I'm so stupid," Zhou Mi sobbed. "Why was I so stubborn, now he might die and I never even got to say that I was sorry."
"He is not going to die," said Heechul, still tense. "He's not, okay? So stop even thinking like that."
It was obvious to everyone, however, that Zhou Mi wouldn't be able to stop thinking 'like that' until they knew exactly what was wrong with Kyuhyun, and apparently the doctors were a little fuzzy. They'd never seen someone before with a body temperature that cold. "They don't have a clue," Zhou Mi said, hiccuping a little as he wiped away the tears on his face. "It's the fact that they don't know that scares me. How can the doctors not know, if they're supposed to fix it?"
"They'll find out soon enough." Heechul stood up and stretched his arms above his head. Sensing that they were about to move, the rest of them picked themselves up off the floor, Sungmin fussing over the knees of his school pants, brushing dust from them. Heechul turned to look down at Zhou Mi. "Did they contact his parents?"
"They're on their way now," Zhou Mi said. He kicked his foot back against the rock, and then got to his feet too. "I think they're going to stay at the school until he gets better."
Kyuhyun's parents had apparently arrived by late afternoon, which made sense, since they were only a couple of hours away, and it was Eunhyuk who saw them, climbing the stairs and being escorted to their rooms by one of the teachers, when Eunhyuk was heading down to the common room that they were sitting in. The atmosphere was subdued without Kyuhyun. It hadn't been that he'd even added a whole lot of noise when he had been there so much as he was obvious in being absent. It didn't help that Eeteuk was still confined to his bed knocked out on painkillers, which meant that Kangin was with him; in that, a large source of the noise was missing.
Zhou Mi only sat with them for an hour or so before quietly excusing himself for bed. Silence followed him out of the room and lingered slightly in the doorway as they sat for a minute. Donghae sunk a little lower in his seat. "Do you think Kyuhyun will be okay?" he asked, apparently to his knee.
"Who knows?" Yehsung said, sitting at the window looking out onto the grounds. He didn't notice the frightened look Ryeowook gave him. "We can't do anything but hope, for now."
Heechul, sitting with his legs slung over Siwon's shoulders in front of him, sighed. "Way to bring the mood down," he said, a little ironically, since there hadn't been much of a mood to begin with. Yehsung flipped him off.
"They'll find out what's wrong with him, right?" Ryeowook looked very small where he was sitting. Sungmin put his arm across his shoulders.
"Of course they will," he soothed. "They'll find out and they'll be able to fix it and it'll be fine. You'll see."
Shindong twisted his mouth at him. "You know, you're taking this very calmly."
Sungmin let his arm fall a little. "What do you mean?"
"I remember that time that Kyuhyun got a cold and went around sniffling all the time. You were practically beside yourself with worry then. But now--"
"Now you're only about as worried as we are," finished Yehsung, staring at Sungmin. "In fact, you're taking it better than some of us."
"What are you implying?"
"Nothing," Shindong said with a shrug. "It's just odd, that's all."
"God," said Heechul with relish. "Can't someone not like someone else anymore without everyone else commenting on it?"
There was a very short pause before Eunhyuk laughed. "Yeah, right. Like Sungmin wouldn't like Kyuhyun anymore."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sungmin asked, scowling at him. Eunhyuk sensed that he had put his foot wrong somewhere, and looked like he wasn't too sure quite where. Shindong was quicker off the mark.
"You -- you don't like Kyuhyun anymore!"
"No," said Sungmin, sounding irritated. "Why is this such a big deal?"
"But you've always liked Kyuhyun!"
"That's what Sungmin said," Heechul noted wryly, not actually making much sense.
"Well, I don't like him anymore," said Sungmin, folding his arms across his chest. "Okay?"
"So do you like someone else?"
Hankyung watched as every other pair of eyes flicked towards Siwon, who didn't notice because he was too busy biting his bottom lip and looking at Sungmin, part-hopeful, part-wistful. Sungmin shook his head after a hesitant pause. "No." Siwon's face dropped. That was enough to annoy Heechul.
"Really," he said acidly. "I know that the image of Sungmin you all have doesn't lend itself to it, but he really doesn't have anyone he likes."
"What image of me?" Sungmin asked, outraged.
"You know," Heechul said. "That image of you as a bit of a whore."
Sungmin's face froze. He looked torn between anger and hurt. "Wait, really? That's -- that's what you think of me?"
People were glaring at Heechul now, clearly thinking that he'd gone too far in his joking. He didn't seem too bothered. "No," said Shindong. "We don't think of you like that at all."
Siwon, clearly annoyed at Heechul, which was a little ironic as Heechul had only been trying to stand up for him in a misguided way, reached down and pinched the skin of Heechul's ankle. "Hyung!" he said warningly, as Heechul yelped. Heechul twisted his mouth around but then gave in.
"Sungmin, it was a freaking joke, okay? Stop taking everything so seriously."
"Well, it wasn't a very funny one," said Sungmin, sinking in his chair, almost exactly at the same time that Donghae shot upright in his.
"Where's Kibum?" he asked, tilting his head as he looked around the room. There was bitter laughter from the chair next to the door, and Kibum flickered into sight, an open book on his knees.
"Finally noticed I was missing?" he asked.
Donghae frowned. "Huh?"
Kibum shook his head, getting to his feet. "Nothing. Never mind your brain about it. I'm going."
Donghae moved so fast that it was as if he'd pulled a Sungmin and teleported; his back hit the door with a bang, blocking Kibum's hand as he tried to open the door. "No," Donghae said harshly. "I won't just forget it. What the hell did you mean, Kibum?"
"Move, Donghae," said Kibum, through gritted teeth.
"No," said Donghae loudly. "No, I will not, okay? You've been snippy with me all week, ever since we got back from the holiday. What is wrong with you?"
"Me?" Kibum exploded. "Me? What is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you, Donghae? How can you just -- hang -- be like that -- with everyone, don't you have an loyalty or -- you know what, for--"
"Do not," said Donghae, hand gripping the handle of the door, "tell me to forget it."
"You seem happy enough to forget me," Kibum said. Donghae made a confused, exasperated noise. "This summer, when you were running around having fun with Eunhyuk, you were perfectly happy to just -- barely contact me and--"
"You were in America, Kibum!" Donghae's knuckles were white. "There was the time difference and I -- I did contact you, I stayed awake until the early hours of the morning just to call you, what the hell are you talking about?"
Kibum looked away from him. "Get away from the door, Donghae," he said.
"No."
"Get the fuck--"
"No."
"Donghae, if you do not move from the door, I will punch you."
The room was so tense that it was like simply moving would cut the air. There was a long pause, where Kibum and Donghae stared at each other, then eventually Donghae let go of the door and stepped aside, head bowed. Kibum wrenched it open and left the room, slamming it shut after him. Everyone stayed quiet, a little unsure as to how to react.
Donghae's head remained bowed, hair hanging down so that most of his face was obscured. "I'm going to bed," he said. His voice was thick. "Goodnight."
"Donghae," said Eunhyuk, rising to his feet, but Donghae had already left the room. There was another pause, and Eunhyuk went after him.
"Is it just me," Heechul's voice cut through the silence, "or is tonight getting really weird?"
The next day wasn't getting any better, Hankyung didn't think. Zhou Mi didn't turn up for breakfast. Henry quietly told them that he hadn't left his bed when Henry had come down. Kibum didn't turn up either, but then he could turn invisible, and they could never truly know if he was there or not. Donghae was there, sitting at the very end of the table picking at his scrambled egg and apparently not even eating it. Eunhyuk relayed in a quiet voice that Donghae had said that he didn't want to talk and then pretended to sleep for the rest of the time Eunhyuk was in the room the night before. The strange thing was, no one really knew what this fight was actually about.
"I understand that Kibum is jealous about something," Heechul said, voice pitched low so Donghae couldn't hear. "But what on earth is he jealous of? Donghae's friendship with you? Why would it suddenly be a problem?"
"No idea," Eunhyuk said, shrugging. "I don't even -- Donghae and I are just friends, you know? Why would Kibum even think--"
"Jealousy is irrational," Sungmin said wisely.
"Kibum is irrational," said Heechul.
All in all there was a bit of a dark cloud hanging over them all. Hankyung thought it was a bad state of affairs if he was one of the more cheerful ones. He made Heechul hang back after school that day, control lessons still being cancelled, and kissed him in the hallway. "I'm glad you're not the irrational jealous type," he said, tucking some of Heechul's hair back behind his ear.
"What do you mean," Heechul said immediately. "I can be the jealous type. I get jealous. I get jealous every time you let Siwon hang on your shoulders, how about that?"
"Okay," said Hankyung with a laugh. "Okay, you're not the irrational jealous type. You're just the irrational type."
"Hmph." Heechul folded his arms and nudged him away with his elbows. "It's not funny, really. Seriously, everything seems to be falling apart. Kibum and Donghae were always just there, you know? They were just, they were them. Together. I don't even know how to explain it."
"They were?" Hankyung blinked, surprised. "I always thought they were -- well, they never seemed like a couple, if you know what I mean. It kind of just felt like a comfortable situation to me."
Heechul looked at him thoughtfully. "Explain," he said.
Hankyung tried to think about what he'd been trying to say. "It was obvious that they had some sort of a relationship, but sometimes it just kind of felt like they didn't. Like they had a relationship when one of them needed it." He let his voice drop as he realised exactly what it felt like. "It felt like they had a relationship when Donghae wanted it." Heechul's eyebrow raised, so Hankyung hurriedly added, "I don't think he noticed, or did it on purpose. That's just...how it felt like."
"You know," said Heechul, pushing him away a little so they could head back to the school, "I think you're onto something."
Back at the school, the mood had not improved at all. Those who were trying to avoid the bad feelings -- Henry, Siwon, Shindong and Yehsung -- had apparently decided to do some homework, had burrowed themselves away in a common room, and been joined by Sungmin, who was giving Henry help with his Korean while simultaneously leaning on Siwon, looking over his shoulder to see what he was doing. Heechul's eyebrows narrowed but he kept his mouth shut this time. Siwon seemed happy enough from what Hankyung could see anyway.
"Hey," Heechul said, sitting down next to Ryeowook, who was curled on an armchair and appeared to be falling asleep. "Where's Donghae?"
"Donghae-hyung?" Ryeowook struggled to keep his eyes open. "I don't know, he went to his room, I think."
"Hyung!" Yehsung's head snapped up. "Leave Ryeowook alone."
Heechul rolled his eyes. "I'm only asking him where Donghae is!" he shouted back. "God, what's wrong with you?"
"Ryeowook's tired, leave him alone."
"Fine," Heechul said, moving to see what was happening with the homework group. Hankyung sat down on a chair where he could hear theconversation , but far enough away so that it wouldn't look like he was following Heechul, since he wasn't. Really. It wasn't that the sudden changes in the group had thrown him for a loop and he kind of needed some sort of stability. It wasn't that at all.
"What's up with him, anyway?" Heechul asked, leaning over Yehsung to snag a cookie from the plate in the middle. "He looks like he's been awake all night or something."
"Yeah, well, you try sleeping in a room that used to have your roommate, the one who's now in hospital fighting for his life, and you see how well you do." Yehsung batted Heechul's hand away. "You're getting crumbs on my work, hyung."
"Whatever," said Heechul, popping the last bit of biscuit into his mouth and brushing his hands over Yehsung's paper. Yehsung's eyebrow twitched. "Has anyone seen Donghae?"
"He went to his room," Sungmin said absently. "Ryeowook told you. No, Siwon, not like that." Sungmin covered Siwon's hand with his own to correct something he'd just written, and then paused, hand hovering while Siwon quickly drew his away. Hankyung saw him swallow, then he said, "You carry the three, you see, and that changes the whole answer."
"Right," said Siwon, the tips of his ears slightly red.
"Fuck this," said Heechul, his own eyebrow twitching. I'm going to watch television. Are you coming, Hankyung?"
"Gladly," said Hankyung, who had found himself getting slightly fascinated by the way Siwon and Sungmin were now avoiding looking at one another, and really didn't want to end up being the Sungmin to Sungmin's own relationship . He stood up and moved to the sofa, Heechul settling against his side as he switched the television on using the remote. Hankyung slung his arm over his shoulders.
"Keep it down," Yehsung warned, sending a glance in Ryeowook's direction. Heechul gave him a mock salute, but did keep the volume to a minimum. He flicked through the channels before he paused on a drama, some sort of thing which, after a couple of minutes, Hankyung realised was about the lives of an idol group -- though surely, that was a girl, wasn't it? He really didn't have a clue what was going on, and by the look on Heechul's face, neither did he. He was frowning at the screen, though apparently not for the same reason. "Hey, Siwon, isn't that Geun Suk?" he asked over his shoulder.
Siwon looked up and at the screen for a couple of seconds. "I think it is."
"The bastard!" Heechul stared at the screen. "He never told me he'd made it big. I'll have to hit him next time we're home -- wait, will he be living in Seoul now? I'm getting his number from his parents, he's in for it now."
"Who's Geun Suk?" Hankyung asked, trying to pick out which one Heechul meant.
"He was a friend from middle school," Heechul said. "Always said he was going to be an actor, never thought he'd actually do it." There was a pause. "Damn, when did he get so hot?"
Hankyung's glance at him was a little sharp, though no one appeared to notice. Sungmin was now staring at the screen too. "Which one?" he wanted to know.
"The leader of the group. The dick."
"Ahhh." Sungmin watched for a second, then grinned. "Yeah, he's hot."
"Right?"
Hankyung was having to box down on some strange, potent emotion that was swimming around in his mind. He felt like taking hold of Heechul's wrist, making a loop around his bones and skin like an over-sized wedding ring, just to make a point. He tightened his hand on Heechul's shoulder and let his leg fall more firmly against Heechul's. "He's not that good looking," he said.
"He's a lot better looking than he used to be," Heechul said. "No surgery though, I can tell that. Amazing what simply growing up can do."
"Not that amazing," Hankyung insisted. Heechul slid his gaze across to him, and Hankyung hated the knowing look in his eyes, so he turned and was hit by a knowing grin coming at him from Sungmin's direction. He therefore fixed his gaze on the cause of the emotion,Geun Suk or whoever he was. "Not that good looking," he muttered. "He has a stupid face."
"You have a stupid face," Heechul said, patting his knee condescendingly. "But that's okay. Stupid faces are in Vogue." Hankyung made an incomprehensible noise. "Weren't you just saying you were glad I wasn't the jealous type?"
"I--" Hankyung began, but he was interrupted by Donghae entering the room. His eyes were red rimmed and swollen; he didn't speak a word to anyone, choosing instead to sit slowly down in an armchair quite near where Ryeowook was curled up. He lay his head back, staring at the ceiling blankly. Heechul, after removing Hankyung's suddenly loose hand from his shoulder, moved to a chair next to the one Donghae had taken, sitting forward and taking his hand to get Donghae to look at him. They began to talk in low voices.
Hankyung turned in his chair so that he was not quite so obviously turned towards Heechul and Donghae, and was instead facing the study group. Sungmin had returned to correcting Henry's Korean, though this time was leaning over his shoulder and not touching Siwon at all. With a guilty twinge, Hankyung remembered the Geography essay that was due in two days. With a sigh, he pulled a chair up to the table and sat there, taking out his paper and books. The table was getting rather crowded now.
He needn't have worried though; Heechul and Donghae only spoke for as long as it took Hankyung to write his introduction. Heechul pulled Donghae in for a hug, before Donghae again left the room. Heechul came over to the table and slung his hands over Hankyung's shoulders. "What's up with him?" Sungmin asked, worried.
"He just tried to talk to Kibum," Heechul said quietly. "He saw him sitting in the grounds reading when he was on his way through to here, so he went outside to speak to him. After he called out his name, Kibum looked up, directly at him, then disappeared. He's completely ignoring Donghae."
"Kibum is so hard to get hold of," said Yehsung. "I mean, even when he's not angry at someone. How are we ever supposed to know why he's angry?"
"I have no idea," Heechul said, sighing and leaving Hankyung to sit back down to watch television. The drama episode had finished, so he began searching through again to find something else to watch, and eventually settled on the news, which was, in hindsight, not the most sensible of ideas he'd had. The first story they heard was news of a killing somewhere in Southern Korea.
-- the teenager, believed at this point to be a mutant, was killed outside a local shopping center by a group of youths. Witnesses have claimed that the teenage boy was merely walking alone when he was set upon by youths wielding knives. Witnesses also claim to have heard anti-mutant insults during the attack, whichoccurred in broad daylight. As yet, no one has been arrested, and police are investigating --
Yehsung groaned, throwing his pen down. "Oh my god, what?"
"I agree with this question," said Shindong.
"Why wasn't he here?" Sungmin asked. "I thought all mutants were educated here."
"Only if we want to," said Heechul. "You don't have to come, do you? Some kids just want -- normal lives."
Hankyung bit his lip, looking away, as all his wishes of just wanting a normal life came back to him. He knew how easily that could have been him; if the boy was a mutant, then his power could surely have not have been as Hankyung's own. His parents had just been thinking about preserving their own reputation when they let him lock himself away, he knew, but in doing so there was no doubt that his life had been preserved as well.
He looked up to see Henry frowning down at his paper, eyes unseeing. Surprised, Hankyung put his hand on his shoulder, and Henry looked up, surprised. Hankyung gave him a reassuring smile, something Henry tried his best to return, before he returned to scribbling on his paper. Hankyung tried to say something, but was distracted by Heechul calling of him to look at the dancing cat on the television.
..............................................................
It took the doctors a few more tense days to work out exactly what was wrong with Kyuhyun. They began to get an inclining and so sent for a doctor trained in mutant genetics. He confirmed their suspicions; Kyuhyun's supposed 'illness' was nothing more than the final stages of his mutation, simply occurring a few years too early. Since each mutation was different and unique to different people, they had never seen someone with ice power before, and so didn't exactly know what to do to help him through.
"You see," Hyori explained, "it's as though his body has had an allergic reaction to the change. The mutation has spread through his whole body, lowering his body temperature; whether this was supposed to happen anyway is something we don't know, but it's having a negative effect on his organs, which aren't used to the sudden drop in temperature. Hopefully, it's something that's supposed to happen and it will right itself out."
"Will it happen to everyone?" Yehsung asked. He glanced at Ryeowook; burning up could be even more damaging to his body. Hankyung had a sudden image of Ryeowook suddenly bursting into flames, and had to swallow.
"We don't know," Hyori said kindly. "We're just going to have to hope."
Hope, however, wasn't anything concrete, and it certainly wasn't helping Zhou Mi, who withdrew more and more each day, along with Donghae. Kyuhyun's illness explained Zhou Mi, but Donghae's reaction to Kibum refusing to speak to him still couldn't fail to surprise Hankyung. When he'd explained how he felt about their relationship to Heechul, he hadn't been lying or over-exaggerating, and so no matter what Heechul claimed, Hankyung still thought Donghae's semi-depression over the break up of the relationship was completely unexpected.
For early October, the weather was particularly mild for once. Saturdays were usually a day spent working on homework, but since it was supposed to remain fine for the rest of the day, but be awful on the Sunday, they decided, as a group, to put off whatever they could until the final day of the weekend. The mood on Saturday was brightened somewhat by the reappearance of Eeteuk, who wasn't completely over the pain but it had lessened enough, was hitting him rarely enough, for him to sit with them in the common room.
"Honestly," he said, tutting. "I leave for a few days and everything falls apart. Can you function without me?" This wasn't, however, said within the vicinity of Zhou Mi and Donghae.
Since the weather was so fine, they ended up outside on the grounds of the school, where a number of students had already gathered. Kangin fussed endlessly around Eeteuk until Eeteuk told him to stop being such a mother, at which point Kangin agreed to go with Siwon and Eunhyuk to raid the sports hall next to the school building for a football. While they were gone, everyone else arranged themselves on the grass, Heechul sitting on Hankyung's lap so that he wouldn't get dirty. Sungmin had had the foresight to bring a blanket out with him, which he was sharing with Eeteuk. They were both joined on it by Ryeowook and Henry; Yehsung attempted to get on but Sungmin pushed him off.
"Not for you," he insisted, drawing a glare from Yehsung and a giggle from Ryeowook. Those who had gone to get the football suddenly appeared, Kangin and Eunhyuk playing around in a mock fight in which Kangin's arms kept turning into bear arms, which swiped straight through Eunhyuk's body. It look both pointless and ridiculous, but it seemed to keep them happy, up until Eeteuk reminded them that they couldn't use their powers outside of the building. Kangin stopped, looking guilty. Siwon dropped the football in Yehsung's lap.
"What," Yehsung wanted to know, "did I do to deserve such treatment today?"
Siwon frowned at him. "Sorry? I thought you wanted to play, hyung."
"Never mind." Yehsung waved him off.
"Hey, Siwon," Sungmin called. "There's a space for you to sit down." Yehsung's head shot around to glare at him. Ryeowook smothered a laugh, not very well, and then hid his face.
"Fine," Yehsung said, and stood up, before throwing the ball to Kangin, seemingly just to get the game started. Unfortunately it backfired, as Kangin wasn't looking, and it hit him on the back of the head. The game was delayed for a good time while Yehsung ended up on the other side of the grounds trying to not get killed. Siwon looked confused, but smiled at Sungmin anyway.
"That's okay, hyung," he said. "I'm going to go see if Donghae wants to play."
"Oh," said Sungmin, surprised. "Oh, okay." He watched as Siwon turned and jogged into the school in an attempt to locate Donghae, and then stared at the ground for a couple of minutes, a crease in his forehead. Heechul groaned, turned his head to speak into Hankyung's ear.
"Please tell me this isn't happening," he whispered, lips just brushing Hankyung's skin. It sent a jolt of something through Hankyung's body that he wasn't too sure he liked, nice though it felt. He shifted a little and Heechul's head fell against his shoulder, where he sat watching the on-going frivolity with a frown. Hankyung's mind was going at one hundred miles an hour. He didn't remember Heechul smelling quite that good before. He breathed deeply and tried to stop his hands from stroking Heechul's waist.
Siwon appeared at the doors of the school, looking like he was pulling hard on Donghae's arm, though in reality he was probably barely even putting any force into it. "Come on, hyung, it'll be fun. You can't just hang around in your bedroom all day."
"I don't see why not," argued Donghae, but there was a half-smile on his face as he let himself be pulled down the stairs to the grass, where Siwon slung an arm around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder, smiling. Sungmin was scowling, but also looking like he wasn't too sure why he was scowling. Heechul sighed so heavily that Hankyung's hair ruffled.
"Donghae-hyung's playing," Siwon said brightly. "He can be on my team."
"I'm joining that team," said Eunhyuk immediately, and abandoned Kangin's side to ally himself with Siwon, who was fairly competitive when it came to sports, and Donghae, who was decent enough at the game.
"Hey," said Kangin sharply. "We aren't that bad."
"Speak for yourself," said Yehsung, giving Kangin a bright grin when he glared, then shrugging. "You know I'll be crap."
"Well, that instills me with confidence," Kangin said. "We need another player in any case."
"Don't look at me," said Heechul, even though no one had even thought of asking him. "Hankyung doesn't even know how to play." This was true, Hankyung didn't, but he was at least confident of his ability to kick a ball around. In any case, he thought Heechul's protest had a lot more to do with not wanting to lose his chair.
Eeteuk clearly couldn't play. Henry volunteered, but then clung to Siwon, so that Kangin's team needed another two players. They convinced Shindong that it would be fun, and were just trying to coax Ryeowook into playing when Sungmin sighed. "Fine," he said. "I'll play."
A smile grew over Kangin's face, even as the faces on the other team dropped. "Really?"
"Yes. But only this once."
"Oh, believe me," said Kangin, dropping the ball to the grass and putting a foot on top of it. Yehsung and Shindong were grinning from where they were setting up goalposts using their jackets. "We only need this once."
Hankyung didn't see what the big joke was, or why Kangin was happy about Sungmin being on his team. He looked, much like Heechul, too worried about breaking a nail to really play, but once the game started, he saw why. Sungmin was vicious. Hankyung didn't know the rules of the game, but he was fairly sure that kicking the shins of the guy you were tackling was considered bad form no matter what the game was. Eunhyuk hobbled for a while after that, and eventually just stopped going near Sungmin. In sympathy, Siwon agreed to let him stand in goal.
That shifted the balance of power somewhat. Sungmin was dangerous, but Siwon was unpredictable. If he missed the ball and kicked you in the shins, like Sungmin had done to Eunhyuk, he'd probably shatter the bone. The fact that he only had to tap the ball with his toe to have it flying across the make-shift pitch wasn't helpful either. The two sized up to one another like wild west cowboys, before Sungmin turned on his heel and picked up the ball to restart the game.
The game was managing along without any more dirty tricks or any broken bones, and Heechul was beginning to get bored. "I seriously don't understand how you can watch this all the time," he complained, one of his arms coming up to hook around Hankyung's neck. It made his hip dig painfully into Hankyung's stomach. "This game is so boring."
"Well, it would be if you were just sitting there," said Shindong. "You've got to play."
"No thanks," said Heechul breezily. "I'm comfortable here."
"Yeah," said Sungmin, intercepting a pass from Kangin. "You look it." He grinned, then Siwon tried to tackle him. Their feet got tangled somehow -- Sungmin taking a step forward and Siwon taking a step back like a really bad attempt at ballroom dancing -- and they toppled over, Siwon twisting so that he ended up on his back, Sungmin sprawled across his chest.
"Oh for fucks sake," said Heechul. "What is this? Why is this my life? Sungmin, get off him."
"Ah," Sungmin said, as Siwon lifted his head and smiled at him. He had his hands on Sungmin's waist still from where he'd twisted them around. He didn't look like he'd be letting go any time soon.
"Are you okay, hyung?" he asked, and one of his hands did leave Sungmin's waist -- only to brush his hair from his eyes where it had fallen in the tumble.
"Um," said Sungmin, looking totally confused. "I'm...fine?"
"Good."
"Sungmin," said Heechul warningly, and still looking confused, and also unsure why Heechul was so annoyed with him, Sungmin got to his feet. He brushed some nonexistent dust from the knees of his pants, starting to blush. Siwon stood up too, looking completely fine and like having Sungmin's full body weight drop on him was nothing to worry about. He picked up the ball and tossed it to Sungmin, offering him the chance to restart the game. Sungmin tossed it back, smiling.
"I'm going inside," he said, and as Siwon watched, confused, Sungmin picked up his bag from the grass and hurried into the school building. Heechul snorted and lay his head against Hankyung's shoulder again.
"He doesn't even realise," he muttered, laughing at himself. "He's like -- he worse than me, at least I knew. I just didn't want to admit it."
"Maybe you should help him," Hankyung said, tightening his hold around Heechul's waist. "Like he helped you."
"He didn't help me, I managed perfectly well on my own, he was just an annoying ass."
"Well, help Siwon."
"No." Heechul straightened up, staring at Siwon who was discussing what to do with Kangin -- they clearly couldn't play if Kangin's team was down a player. "Siwon needs to work through this on his own. I also don't want to get involved if it turns out that Sungmin is only on the rebound or something, and it's not going to work out. I don't want my name on that, Siwon might come to hate me for it."
"I almost thought you were being noble just now," Hankyung said, as Kangin shrugged and the others decided that they too would head back inside, as lunch would soon be served. "Then I realised you were just being selfish."
"Yeah, well. Your face."
Zhou Mi actually joined them for lunch, something that he hadn't done the past two days. He looked thin and drawn, sitting close, strangely enough, to Heechul, who even more strangely was fussing over him like a mother. Maybe it was because doing so stopped him getting annoyed at Sungmin, who was sitting at one end of the table and glaring daggers at Siwon and Donghae at the other end. The two, as far as Hankyung could tell, weren't even doing anything. Donghae was picking at his food, and Siwon was trying to cheer him up. Sungmin, however, looked like someone had stuck a whole load of lemon juice in his chicken noodles.
"Don't even look at him," Heechul hissed when he caught Hankyung watching. "He's being an idiot and the sooner he gets his act together and realises quite why he's totally annoyed at Siwon for ignoring him, the better for me."
"You're so mean," Hankyung said, but he obediently turned back to his meal and left Sungmin to stew in jealousy in peace, and so missed the way Sungmin stopped watching Siwon and Donghae, in order to eat his own meal. Heechul, however, saw the way Sungmin's face got more and more unhappy every time Siwon laughed.
"I will not get involved," he said, "but damn, I'm going to be the agony aunt at some point anyway."
"Huh?" Hankyung stared at him. Heechul poked him in the cheek with a chopstick and didn't answer him.
Hyori was apparently trying to get past them without being seen, but since there were so many of them, even missing Kyuhyun and Kibum, her chances were minimal. In the end, it was Zhou Mi who caught her wrist, looking at her beseechingly. "How's Kui -- Kyuhyun?"
She sighed and peeled his fingers away. "There's been no improvement, Zhou Mi," she told him, holding onto his hand just a second longer than would have been strictly professional, comforting him. "I promise you, you're the first one I'll let know when there is."
Zhou Mi watched her go with a fearful expression on his face, and when he turned back to the table he looked on the verge of tears. There was silence unbroken until near the end of the meal, when Henry was the first to excuse himself. He was quiet, still looked as unhappy as he had done two nights before when they'd heard the news about the teenage boy being killed. No one else, however, seemed to notice; they were too caught up in their own problems. No one, that was, other than Ryeowook.
"I think," he said slowly, when they had stolen one of the common rooms for the rest of the afternoon, "that Henry is unhappy."
Eeteuk, whose duty it was to make sure that no one in the school was unhappy for reasons to do with the school, sat up slowly and carefully. For some reason his back had begun hurting him after lunch, which meant that he had been forced to argue for ten minutes with Kangin because he refused to go back to his bedroom. He pulled the pillow that he'd been leaning against around to his front and held it against his stomach. "Do you think he's homesick?"
"I don't know," said Ryeowook. "I just don't think he's happy, in any case."
"I'd noticed too," said Hankyung, voice pitched low. "I wasn't sure why so I didn't mention it."
"It's possible he's homesick," said Ryeowook, but he didn't sound convinced.
"Canada is a long way away," Yehsung reminded them. It was an obvious, but good, point.
"It's not that," Ryeowook said. "I think it's something different. He wasn't like this when he got homesick first year."
"Keep an eye on him for me," Eeteuk asked him. "It should manifest itself into something more concrete at some point."
Zhou Mi dragged Heechul away, probably because Heechul was the only one who could legitimately take his mind off whatever was going on with Kyuhyun. Donghae had gone somewhere, no one had asked where, and Siwon looked pretty unhappy about it. He no doubt felt that not having helped Donghae cheer up was a mark on his character. Sungmin sat on the sofa that he had taken half of and pulled him into a conversation on a television program that they both enjoyed. Hankyung listened in with a half ear, not knowing the program but having nothing else to do, since Shindong, Eunhyuk and Yehsung were paying a card game that Hankyung didn't understand.
Movement in the room stilled when Donghae came into the room, only to resume, slightly louder to make up for it, when he grinned and made his way over to the table they were playing poker. He watched over Eunhyuk's shoulder as Yehsung was beaten into the ground -- Hankyung didn't know how, he just knew that Yehsung was making an awful lot of noise about it -- and then Donghae proposed a group game of Go Fish. Siwon, Sungmin and Ryeowook readily agreed to it, Eeteuk managed to convince Kangin that it would not be harmful to his bones to play, and after being reassured that it was easy and there weren't many rules, Hankyung said he'd join in. Donghae turned around.
"Hey, Kibum, want to play?" he asked, apparently to mid-air. A thought of oh no, he's cracked passed through everyone's mind.
"Oh no, he's cracked," whispered Heechul audibly to Zhou Mi.
"I know you're there," said Donghae triumphantly.
There was a sigh, and then Kibum appeared, Nintendo DS held in his hands, apparently muted. Ryeowook stifled a shriek of surprise. Something unreadable in Kibum's face gave way to scorn. "Do you want a prize?"
"No," said Donghae, looking hurt. "I was just wondering if you wanted to play." He turned back around.
"Hyung," said Kibum softly. "Hyung, don't--"
"Don't what?"
"Make me feel guilty!" Kibum was suddenly on his feet, fists clenched. "You're the one who never took it seriously, the one who made me feel like some sort of a pathetic loser for hanging around the phone waiting for you to call when you were off having fun and not even thinking about me! You're the one who used me for cheap teenage kicks, or comfort when you needed it, but never wanted to go on a date with me."
Donghae simply stared at him long enough for Kibum to furiously say that he was leaving, at which point Donghae burst out with, "No, no, I -- really? Is that how you really feel?"
"Well, yes," spat Kibum. "How else am I supposed to feel, when you don't even ask me out?"
"But I thought -- you never asked me out! You're the one who kissed me first, but never asked me out! I didn't think you -- wanted anything more!"
"You never gave me a chance!"
"So basically you're both idiots," said Heechul helpfully.
"Shut up, hyung," Kibum said, rather viciously, Hankyung thought, before addressing Donghae. "You never seemed to want to, so I never asked."
"Of course I wanted to, why wouldn't I want to? But you seemed so blase about it that I could never quite work up the courage since I thought you'd laugh at me!"
Kibum began to laugh, looking like he wanted to stay angry but couldn't quite manage it. "Wait, we were practically sleeping together and you were too scared to ask me out?"
"Shut up," said Donghae, a little sullenly. "Stop laughing at me, you can be scary."
"I just." Kibum sighed. "I saw you hanging around all these other people and I -- I just wanted to know what made them so special when you didn't even seem to care about me."
"What, I don't --"
"Hyung, you're a slut with your affections."
Donghae twisted his mouth, trying not to grin. "Yeah, well." And then suddenly he was kissing Kibum, having moved so fast that he'd disappeared, and hadn't quite managed to stop because Kibum fell down onto the window alcove with an oomph, but his arms were around Donghae as if he'd been expecting it.
"One thing," he said, when they pulled apart. "Stop doing that."
"Only if you go out with me tomorrow," said Donghae. Kibum laughed at him.
"Where? We can't leave the grounds."
"I don't know," said Donghae, beaming.
All in all, this at least ensured that the atmosphere at dinner was a lot more cheerful. Donghae had not stopped beaming. Henry, sitting next to Hankyung, also seemed strangely happier; Hankyung saw Ryeowook watching the younger boy closely and decided to take matters into his own hands and just ask straight out. "Hey, Henry," he began, in Mandarin, "what's up? You seemed unhappy earlier."
Out of the corner of his eye, Hankyung could see Heechul getting ready to get annoyed at the fact that the conversation was taking place in a language that he couldn't understand. He understandably felt slightly left out. Hankyung put his hand on his knee and squeezed a little, trying to be comforting. Heechul, for some reason, choked on his rice.
Henry hadn't noticed anything odd. "I -- I don't know, ge."
"It's okay, Henry." Hankyung felt Heechul's fingers curl around his hand and he lifted it off his knee. Hankyung tangled their fingers together instead, unsure as to what the problem was. "You can tell me."
"No, I mean, I -- really don't know. It was just like -- everyone's aura was so dark and grey -- Zhou Mi-ge's is practically black, and his has never, ever been black, always white and pink, sometimes yellow or green. Never the colours of unhappiness. And it just -- it was like it was affecting me. All these unhappy emotions, I began to feel them."
"Oh." Well, now Hankyung felt out of his depth. "Um, has this -- does this happen all the time?"
"No," said Henry quietly. "This is the first time it's happened."
"Oh. Well. Maybe you should. You should maybe tell someone? It might be important?"
"Okay," said Heechul, interrupting them in Korean. "I don't know what you're talking about, but Hankyung, you sound awkward as hell." Hankyung explained what had been happening, thankful that he could share the burden of not knowing what to do with someone else. Heechul frowned at Henry. "You should tell Eeteuk," he advised. "If he doesn't know what's going on -- chances are, he won't -- you should tell Hyori, if you can get hold of her. If it's never happened before, then it could be your powers developing in ways that you didn't think they would."
Hankyung opened the door to the room he shared with Siwon, and stepped inside. "You always know what to do," he said, and when he turned around Heechul slammed the door closed and had his arms around him and was kissing him faster than Hankyung could blink. He almost fell over, took a stumbling step back as it was.
"You never know what you're doing," Heechul said, a whine in his voice. "Honestly, Hankyung, myknee? I just, I despair. Get on the bed."
"Eh?"
Heechul didn't elaborate: he simply put his hands on Hankyung's chest and pushed him. Hankyung got the message, set on the edge of the bed, bemused, then not so bemused as Heechul pushed him down on his back, slung a leg over his waist and kissed him so hard that Hankyung could almost fool himself into seeing stars. Suddenly, he got what Heechul meant. "Wait," he said, turning his head to the side and pushing Heechul away a little, "wait, I--"
"Do not even tell me not to touch you because--"
"No," said Hankyung with a smile, shifting so that he was actually on the bed and his legs weren't dangling off the edge. "I just don't want you to fall off."
Heechul was silent, for a long moment, before he retook his previous position, just set a little higher on the bed. This time, his kiss was softer, as Hankyung put his hands on his waist, dropped them down to his hips, let his fingers dip just that bit lower. Hankyung traced the skin above Heechul's waistband, and although he couldn't feel the skin there, he could feel the way Heechul's stomach pushed forward into the touch, the way he kissed that little bit harder, the breathless sound of his inhalation.
Heechul, however, was being more tentative. It was if he thought Hankyung was an animal that would flee if he tried to move too fast, or if he made a sudden movement. His hands remained cupped around Hankyung's jaw. Hankyung, on the other hand, was awed by the way Heechul moaned a little when he dragged his leather clad fingers up his stomach, t-shirt pushed up so that Hankyung could touch his chest. He pulled Heechul closer, a hand splayed on his hip.
Although the person on the other side of the door knocked, he was clearly too excited to wait; Hankyung and Heechul hadn't even broken apart when Zhou Mi burst through, shrieking something in a mad mix of Korean and Chinese. He trailed off, seeing what he had interrupted. Heechul lay his head in the hollow between Hankyung's neck and shoulder, possibly to stop himself from physically hurting Zhou Mi. Hankyung let his hand drop to the bed, and lifted his head up.
"I didn't understand," he said, as calmly as he could manage. "Try again." Heechul pinched his side. "In Korean."
"It's Kyuhyun," said Zhou Mi, and for the first time, Hankyung realised that he was smiling again. "I think he's woken up."
"You see," Hyori explained, "it's as though his body has had an allergic reaction to the change. The mutation has spread through his whole body, lowering his body temperature; whether this was supposed to happen anyway is something we don't know, but it's having a negative effect on his organs, which aren't used to the sudden drop in temperature. Hopefully, it's something that's supposed to happen and it will right itself out."
"Will it happen to everyone?" Yehsung asked. He glanced at Ryeowook; burning up could be even more damaging to his body. Hankyung had a sudden image of Ryeowook suddenly bursting into flames, and had to swallow.
"We don't know," Hyori said kindly. "We're just going to have to hope."
Hope, however, wasn't anything concrete, and it certainly wasn't helping Zhou Mi, who withdrew more and more each day, along with Donghae. Kyuhyun's illness explained Zhou Mi, but Donghae's reaction to Kibum refusing to speak to him still couldn't fail to surprise Hankyung. When he'd explained how he felt about their relationship to Heechul, he hadn't been lying or over-exaggerating, and so no matter what Heechul claimed, Hankyung still thought Donghae's semi-depression over the break up of the relationship was completely unexpected.
For early October, the weather was particularly mild for once. Saturdays were usually a day spent working on homework, but since it was supposed to remain fine for the rest of the day, but be awful on the Sunday, they decided, as a group, to put off whatever they could until the final day of the weekend. The mood on Saturday was brightened somewhat by the reappearance of Eeteuk, who wasn't completely over the pain but it had lessened enough, was hitting him rarely enough, for him to sit with them in the common room.
"Honestly," he said, tutting. "I leave for a few days and everything falls apart. Can you function without me?" This wasn't, however, said within the vicinity of Zhou Mi and Donghae.
Since the weather was so fine, they ended up outside on the grounds of the school, where a number of students had already gathered. Kangin fussed endlessly around Eeteuk until Eeteuk told him to stop being such a mother, at which point Kangin agreed to go with Siwon and Eunhyuk to raid the sports hall next to the school building for a football. While they were gone, everyone else arranged themselves on the grass, Heechul sitting on Hankyung's lap so that he wouldn't get dirty. Sungmin had had the foresight to bring a blanket out with him, which he was sharing with Eeteuk. They were both joined on it by Ryeowook and Henry; Yehsung attempted to get on but Sungmin pushed him off.
"Not for you," he insisted, drawing a glare from Yehsung and a giggle from Ryeowook. Those who had gone to get the football suddenly appeared, Kangin and Eunhyuk playing around in a mock fight in which Kangin's arms kept turning into bear arms, which swiped straight through Eunhyuk's body. It look both pointless and ridiculous, but it seemed to keep them happy, up until Eeteuk reminded them that they couldn't use their powers outside of the building. Kangin stopped, looking guilty. Siwon dropped the football in Yehsung's lap.
"What," Yehsung wanted to know, "did I do to deserve such treatment today?"
Siwon frowned at him. "Sorry? I thought you wanted to play, hyung."
"Never mind." Yehsung waved him off.
"Hey, Siwon," Sungmin called. "There's a space for you to sit down." Yehsung's head shot around to glare at him. Ryeowook smothered a laugh, not very well, and then hid his face.
"Fine," Yehsung said, and stood up, before throwing the ball to Kangin, seemingly just to get the game started. Unfortunately it backfired, as Kangin wasn't looking, and it hit him on the back of the head. The game was delayed for a good time while Yehsung ended up on the other side of the grounds trying to not get killed. Siwon looked confused, but smiled at Sungmin anyway.
"That's okay, hyung," he said. "I'm going to go see if Donghae wants to play."
"Oh," said Sungmin, surprised. "Oh, okay." He watched as Siwon turned and jogged into the school in an attempt to locate Donghae, and then stared at the ground for a couple of minutes, a crease in his forehead. Heechul groaned, turned his head to speak into Hankyung's ear.
"Please tell me this isn't happening," he whispered, lips just brushing Hankyung's skin. It sent a jolt of something through Hankyung's body that he wasn't too sure he liked, nice though it felt. He shifted a little and Heechul's head fell against his shoulder, where he sat watching the on-going frivolity with a frown. Hankyung's mind was going at one hundred miles an hour. He didn't remember Heechul smelling quite that good before. He breathed deeply and tried to stop his hands from stroking Heechul's waist.
Siwon appeared at the doors of the school, looking like he was pulling hard on Donghae's arm, though in reality he was probably barely even putting any force into it. "Come on, hyung, it'll be fun. You can't just hang around in your bedroom all day."
"I don't see why not," argued Donghae, but there was a half-smile on his face as he let himself be pulled down the stairs to the grass, where Siwon slung an arm around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder, smiling. Sungmin was scowling, but also looking like he wasn't too sure why he was scowling. Heechul sighed so heavily that Hankyung's hair ruffled.
"Donghae-hyung's playing," Siwon said brightly. "He can be on my team."
"I'm joining that team," said Eunhyuk immediately, and abandoned Kangin's side to ally himself with Siwon, who was fairly competitive when it came to sports, and Donghae, who was decent enough at the game.
"Hey," said Kangin sharply. "We aren't that bad."
"Speak for yourself," said Yehsung, giving Kangin a bright grin when he glared, then shrugging. "You know I'll be crap."
"Well, that instills me with confidence," Kangin said. "We need another player in any case."
"Don't look at me," said Heechul, even though no one had even thought of asking him. "Hankyung doesn't even know how to play." This was true, Hankyung didn't, but he was at least confident of his ability to kick a ball around. In any case, he thought Heechul's protest had a lot more to do with not wanting to lose his chair.
Eeteuk clearly couldn't play. Henry volunteered, but then clung to Siwon, so that Kangin's team needed another two players. They convinced Shindong that it would be fun, and were just trying to coax Ryeowook into playing when Sungmin sighed. "Fine," he said. "I'll play."
A smile grew over Kangin's face, even as the faces on the other team dropped. "Really?"
"Yes. But only this once."
"Oh, believe me," said Kangin, dropping the ball to the grass and putting a foot on top of it. Yehsung and Shindong were grinning from where they were setting up goalposts using their jackets. "We only need this once."
Hankyung didn't see what the big joke was, or why Kangin was happy about Sungmin being on his team. He looked, much like Heechul, too worried about breaking a nail to really play, but once the game started, he saw why. Sungmin was vicious. Hankyung didn't know the rules of the game, but he was fairly sure that kicking the shins of the guy you were tackling was considered bad form no matter what the game was. Eunhyuk hobbled for a while after that, and eventually just stopped going near Sungmin. In sympathy, Siwon agreed to let him stand in goal.
That shifted the balance of power somewhat. Sungmin was dangerous, but Siwon was unpredictable. If he missed the ball and kicked you in the shins, like Sungmin had done to Eunhyuk, he'd probably shatter the bone. The fact that he only had to tap the ball with his toe to have it flying across the make-shift pitch wasn't helpful either. The two sized up to one another like wild west cowboys, before Sungmin turned on his heel and picked up the ball to restart the game.
The game was managing along without any more dirty tricks or any broken bones, and Heechul was beginning to get bored. "I seriously don't understand how you can watch this all the time," he complained, one of his arms coming up to hook around Hankyung's neck. It made his hip dig painfully into Hankyung's stomach. "This game is so boring."
"Well, it would be if you were just sitting there," said Shindong. "You've got to play."
"No thanks," said Heechul breezily. "I'm comfortable here."
"Yeah," said Sungmin, intercepting a pass from Kangin. "You look it." He grinned, then Siwon tried to tackle him. Their feet got tangled somehow -- Sungmin taking a step forward and Siwon taking a step back like a really bad attempt at ballroom dancing -- and they toppled over, Siwon twisting so that he ended up on his back, Sungmin sprawled across his chest.
"Oh for fucks sake," said Heechul. "What is this? Why is this my life? Sungmin, get off him."
"Ah," Sungmin said, as Siwon lifted his head and smiled at him. He had his hands on Sungmin's waist still from where he'd twisted them around. He didn't look like he'd be letting go any time soon.
"Are you okay, hyung?" he asked, and one of his hands did leave Sungmin's waist -- only to brush his hair from his eyes where it had fallen in the tumble.
"Um," said Sungmin, looking totally confused. "I'm...fine?"
"Good."
"Sungmin," said Heechul warningly, and still looking confused, and also unsure why Heechul was so annoyed with him, Sungmin got to his feet. He brushed some nonexistent dust from the knees of his pants, starting to blush. Siwon stood up too, looking completely fine and like having Sungmin's full body weight drop on him was nothing to worry about. He picked up the ball and tossed it to Sungmin, offering him the chance to restart the game. Sungmin tossed it back, smiling.
"I'm going inside," he said, and as Siwon watched, confused, Sungmin picked up his bag from the grass and hurried into the school building. Heechul snorted and lay his head against Hankyung's shoulder again.
"He doesn't even realise," he muttered, laughing at himself. "He's like -- he worse than me, at least I knew. I just didn't want to admit it."
"Maybe you should help him," Hankyung said, tightening his hold around Heechul's waist. "Like he helped you."
"He didn't help me, I managed perfectly well on my own, he was just an annoying ass."
"Well, help Siwon."
"No." Heechul straightened up, staring at Siwon who was discussing what to do with Kangin -- they clearly couldn't play if Kangin's team was down a player. "Siwon needs to work through this on his own. I also don't want to get involved if it turns out that Sungmin is only on the rebound or something, and it's not going to work out. I don't want my name on that, Siwon might come to hate me for it."
"I almost thought you were being noble just now," Hankyung said, as Kangin shrugged and the others decided that they too would head back inside, as lunch would soon be served. "Then I realised you were just being selfish."
"Yeah, well. Your face."
Zhou Mi actually joined them for lunch, something that he hadn't done the past two days. He looked thin and drawn, sitting close, strangely enough, to Heechul, who even more strangely was fussing over him like a mother. Maybe it was because doing so stopped him getting annoyed at Sungmin, who was sitting at one end of the table and glaring daggers at Siwon and Donghae at the other end. The two, as far as Hankyung could tell, weren't even doing anything. Donghae was picking at his food, and Siwon was trying to cheer him up. Sungmin, however, looked like someone had stuck a whole load of lemon juice in his chicken noodles.
"Don't even look at him," Heechul hissed when he caught Hankyung watching. "He's being an idiot and the sooner he gets his act together and realises quite why he's totally annoyed at Siwon for ignoring him, the better for me."
"You're so mean," Hankyung said, but he obediently turned back to his meal and left Sungmin to stew in jealousy in peace, and so missed the way Sungmin stopped watching Siwon and Donghae, in order to eat his own meal. Heechul, however, saw the way Sungmin's face got more and more unhappy every time Siwon laughed.
"I will not get involved," he said, "but damn, I'm going to be the agony aunt at some point anyway."
"Huh?" Hankyung stared at him. Heechul poked him in the cheek with a chopstick and didn't answer him.
Hyori was apparently trying to get past them without being seen, but since there were so many of them, even missing Kyuhyun and Kibum, her chances were minimal. In the end, it was Zhou Mi who caught her wrist, looking at her beseechingly. "How's Kui -- Kyuhyun?"
She sighed and peeled his fingers away. "There's been no improvement, Zhou Mi," she told him, holding onto his hand just a second longer than would have been strictly professional, comforting him. "I promise you, you're the first one I'll let know when there is."
Zhou Mi watched her go with a fearful expression on his face, and when he turned back to the table he looked on the verge of tears. There was silence unbroken until near the end of the meal, when Henry was the first to excuse himself. He was quiet, still looked as unhappy as he had done two nights before when they'd heard the news about the teenage boy being killed. No one else, however, seemed to notice; they were too caught up in their own problems. No one, that was, other than Ryeowook.
"I think," he said slowly, when they had stolen one of the common rooms for the rest of the afternoon, "that Henry is unhappy."
Eeteuk, whose duty it was to make sure that no one in the school was unhappy for reasons to do with the school, sat up slowly and carefully. For some reason his back had begun hurting him after lunch, which meant that he had been forced to argue for ten minutes with Kangin because he refused to go back to his bedroom. He pulled the pillow that he'd been leaning against around to his front and held it against his stomach. "Do you think he's homesick?"
"I don't know," said Ryeowook. "I just don't think he's happy, in any case."
"I'd noticed too," said Hankyung, voice pitched low. "I wasn't sure why so I didn't mention it."
"It's possible he's homesick," said Ryeowook, but he didn't sound convinced.
"Canada is a long way away," Yehsung reminded them. It was an obvious, but good, point.
"It's not that," Ryeowook said. "I think it's something different. He wasn't like this when he got homesick first year."
"Keep an eye on him for me," Eeteuk asked him. "It should manifest itself into something more concrete at some point."
Zhou Mi dragged Heechul away, probably because Heechul was the only one who could legitimately take his mind off whatever was going on with Kyuhyun. Donghae had gone somewhere, no one had asked where, and Siwon looked pretty unhappy about it. He no doubt felt that not having helped Donghae cheer up was a mark on his character. Sungmin sat on the sofa that he had taken half of and pulled him into a conversation on a television program that they both enjoyed. Hankyung listened in with a half ear, not knowing the program but having nothing else to do, since Shindong, Eunhyuk and Yehsung were paying a card game that Hankyung didn't understand.
Movement in the room stilled when Donghae came into the room, only to resume, slightly louder to make up for it, when he grinned and made his way over to the table they were playing poker. He watched over Eunhyuk's shoulder as Yehsung was beaten into the ground -- Hankyung didn't know how, he just knew that Yehsung was making an awful lot of noise about it -- and then Donghae proposed a group game of Go Fish. Siwon, Sungmin and Ryeowook readily agreed to it, Eeteuk managed to convince Kangin that it would not be harmful to his bones to play, and after being reassured that it was easy and there weren't many rules, Hankyung said he'd join in. Donghae turned around.
"Hey, Kibum, want to play?" he asked, apparently to mid-air. A thought of oh no, he's cracked passed through everyone's mind.
"Oh no, he's cracked," whispered Heechul audibly to Zhou Mi.
"I know you're there," said Donghae triumphantly.
There was a sigh, and then Kibum appeared, Nintendo DS held in his hands, apparently muted. Ryeowook stifled a shriek of surprise. Something unreadable in Kibum's face gave way to scorn. "Do you want a prize?"
"No," said Donghae, looking hurt. "I was just wondering if you wanted to play." He turned back around.
"Hyung," said Kibum softly. "Hyung, don't--"
"Don't what?"
"Make me feel guilty!" Kibum was suddenly on his feet, fists clenched. "You're the one who never took it seriously, the one who made me feel like some sort of a pathetic loser for hanging around the phone waiting for you to call when you were off having fun and not even thinking about me! You're the one who used me for cheap teenage kicks, or comfort when you needed it, but never wanted to go on a date with me."
Donghae simply stared at him long enough for Kibum to furiously say that he was leaving, at which point Donghae burst out with, "No, no, I -- really? Is that how you really feel?"
"Well, yes," spat Kibum. "How else am I supposed to feel, when you don't even ask me out?"
"But I thought -- you never asked me out! You're the one who kissed me first, but never asked me out! I didn't think you -- wanted anything more!"
"You never gave me a chance!"
"So basically you're both idiots," said Heechul helpfully.
"Shut up, hyung," Kibum said, rather viciously, Hankyung thought, before addressing Donghae. "You never seemed to want to, so I never asked."
"Of course I wanted to, why wouldn't I want to? But you seemed so blase about it that I could never quite work up the courage since I thought you'd laugh at me!"
Kibum began to laugh, looking like he wanted to stay angry but couldn't quite manage it. "Wait, we were practically sleeping together and you were too scared to ask me out?"
"Shut up," said Donghae, a little sullenly. "Stop laughing at me, you can be scary."
"I just." Kibum sighed. "I saw you hanging around all these other people and I -- I just wanted to know what made them so special when you didn't even seem to care about me."
"What, I don't --"
"Hyung, you're a slut with your affections."
Donghae twisted his mouth, trying not to grin. "Yeah, well." And then suddenly he was kissing Kibum, having moved so fast that he'd disappeared, and hadn't quite managed to stop because Kibum fell down onto the window alcove with an oomph, but his arms were around Donghae as if he'd been expecting it.
"One thing," he said, when they pulled apart. "Stop doing that."
"Only if you go out with me tomorrow," said Donghae. Kibum laughed at him.
"Where? We can't leave the grounds."
"I don't know," said Donghae, beaming.
All in all, this at least ensured that the atmosphere at dinner was a lot more cheerful. Donghae had not stopped beaming. Henry, sitting next to Hankyung, also seemed strangely happier; Hankyung saw Ryeowook watching the younger boy closely and decided to take matters into his own hands and just ask straight out. "Hey, Henry," he began, in Mandarin, "what's up? You seemed unhappy earlier."
Out of the corner of his eye, Hankyung could see Heechul getting ready to get annoyed at the fact that the conversation was taking place in a language that he couldn't understand. He understandably felt slightly left out. Hankyung put his hand on his knee and squeezed a little, trying to be comforting. Heechul, for some reason, choked on his rice.
Henry hadn't noticed anything odd. "I -- I don't know, ge."
"It's okay, Henry." Hankyung felt Heechul's fingers curl around his hand and he lifted it off his knee. Hankyung tangled their fingers together instead, unsure as to what the problem was. "You can tell me."
"No, I mean, I -- really don't know. It was just like -- everyone's aura was so dark and grey -- Zhou Mi-ge's is practically black, and his has never, ever been black, always white and pink, sometimes yellow or green. Never the colours of unhappiness. And it just -- it was like it was affecting me. All these unhappy emotions, I began to feel them."
"Oh." Well, now Hankyung felt out of his depth. "Um, has this -- does this happen all the time?"
"No," said Henry quietly. "This is the first time it's happened."
"Oh. Well. Maybe you should. You should maybe tell someone? It might be important?"
"Okay," said Heechul, interrupting them in Korean. "I don't know what you're talking about, but Hankyung, you sound awkward as hell." Hankyung explained what had been happening, thankful that he could share the burden of not knowing what to do with someone else. Heechul frowned at Henry. "You should tell Eeteuk," he advised. "If he doesn't know what's going on -- chances are, he won't -- you should tell Hyori, if you can get hold of her. If it's never happened before, then it could be your powers developing in ways that you didn't think they would."
Hankyung opened the door to the room he shared with Siwon, and stepped inside. "You always know what to do," he said, and when he turned around Heechul slammed the door closed and had his arms around him and was kissing him faster than Hankyung could blink. He almost fell over, took a stumbling step back as it was.
"You never know what you're doing," Heechul said, a whine in his voice. "Honestly, Hankyung, myknee? I just, I despair. Get on the bed."
"Eh?"
Heechul didn't elaborate: he simply put his hands on Hankyung's chest and pushed him. Hankyung got the message, set on the edge of the bed, bemused, then not so bemused as Heechul pushed him down on his back, slung a leg over his waist and kissed him so hard that Hankyung could almost fool himself into seeing stars. Suddenly, he got what Heechul meant. "Wait," he said, turning his head to the side and pushing Heechul away a little, "wait, I--"
"Do not even tell me not to touch you because--"
"No," said Hankyung with a smile, shifting so that he was actually on the bed and his legs weren't dangling off the edge. "I just don't want you to fall off."
Heechul was silent, for a long moment, before he retook his previous position, just set a little higher on the bed. This time, his kiss was softer, as Hankyung put his hands on his waist, dropped them down to his hips, let his fingers dip just that bit lower. Hankyung traced the skin above Heechul's waistband, and although he couldn't feel the skin there, he could feel the way Heechul's stomach pushed forward into the touch, the way he kissed that little bit harder, the breathless sound of his inhalation.
Heechul, however, was being more tentative. It was if he thought Hankyung was an animal that would flee if he tried to move too fast, or if he made a sudden movement. His hands remained cupped around Hankyung's jaw. Hankyung, on the other hand, was awed by the way Heechul moaned a little when he dragged his leather clad fingers up his stomach, t-shirt pushed up so that Hankyung could touch his chest. He pulled Heechul closer, a hand splayed on his hip.
Although the person on the other side of the door knocked, he was clearly too excited to wait; Hankyung and Heechul hadn't even broken apart when Zhou Mi burst through, shrieking something in a mad mix of Korean and Chinese. He trailed off, seeing what he had interrupted. Heechul lay his head in the hollow between Hankyung's neck and shoulder, possibly to stop himself from physically hurting Zhou Mi. Hankyung let his hand drop to the bed, and lifted his head up.
"I didn't understand," he said, as calmly as he could manage. "Try again." Heechul pinched his side. "In Korean."
"It's Kyuhyun," said Zhou Mi, and for the first time, Hankyung realised that he was smiling again. "I think he's woken up."
.............................................................
Heechul still couldn't bring himself to lift his head from Hankyung's shoulder. "That's nice," he said. "Now go tell someone else."
Hankyung watched as some of the excitement in Zhou Mi's face fell away. "But hyung, he's awake!"
"Zhou Mi, you're interrupting me in my relationship time. Did I ever interrupt you in your relationship time? No, because I'm a good hyung. Now be a good dongsaeng and go away."
Hankyung wriggled a little and managed to roll Heechul off him without rolling him simultaneously off the bed. Heechul huffed out a breath which let them both know he was annoyed at them, and didn't move. Hankyung got off the bed. "We'll go tell someone," he said. Zhou Mi brightened up. Heechul whined.
The teacher that they managed to locate, it being a weekend, was surprised at Zhou Mi's conviction that Kyuhyun was awake, but agreed to call the hospital and check anyway. He was apparently put through to Hyori, who was so excited that they could hear her voice even waiting on the other side of the room: Kyuhyun had woken up. His body had seemingly righted himself, and though he was still weak, he didn't seem to have any other health problems hanging around anymore.
He was so much better that he was moved out of the intensive care unit that very day. The doctors were considering it a miracle, Hyori told them the next day, as she walked with Zhou Mi, Heechul and Hankyung through the hospital corridor to the room Kyuhyun had been moved into. Hankyung wasn't sure why he was there, to be honest. Zhou Mi was there for obvious reasons, and he'd begged Heechul to come with him in case Kyuhyun was still angry with him. Heechul had, metaphorically and literally, held onto Hankyung's arm and made him come too.
Hankyung had, strangely enough, never been in a hospital before, and he wasn't sure he liked it. There was a strange smell and too many people looking very ill. It made him uncomfortable. He felt Heechul, still literally hanging onto his arm, draw a little closer. Zhou Mi's smile faded a little. "I hate hospitals," he said solemnly. "They're all exactly the same and they're all scary."
"I feel exactly the same," Heechul said, a shiver in his voice.
The room that Kyuhyun had been moved into was on the fifth floor. The lift ride up there was mostly silent, only Hyori trying to bring up some conversation. Hankyung didn't know what to expect when he saw Kyuhyun. Heechul had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since they'd stepped inside. Zhou Mi was too scared thinking about what would happen if he walked into the room and Kyuhyun was still angry at him.
Kyuhyun, it turned out, was anything but. He looked tired, thinner than normal, when they entered, but his smile was warm and genuine, at Zhou Mi standing frozen in the doorway. "Mimi," he said, in a slightly hoarse voice, a voice that wasn't used to being used, and he began to struggle upright. Zhou Mi was on him in a second, helping him up and fussing over him and wiping discreetly at stray tears. He mumbled something in Chinese, too quiet for the others still in the doorway to hear, and Kyuhyun laughed and took his hand.
"You don't have to," he said, but Zhou Mi interrupted him again in a string of Mandarin that had Kyuhyun frowning, trying to work out what he was saying. His Mandarin knowledge wasn't particularly good, though he understood the basics thanks to Zhou Mi. This, however, took him a couple of minutes to work through. "I -- no, of course I don't, I was the one who--" He saw Hankyung standing in the doorway and smiled weakly. "Well, you know."
"It's fine," said Hankyung. "I said so, didn't I? Right now, I'm just -- I'm glad that it's out in the open. Secrets aren't actually any fun."
"Isn't that the truth," Heechul muttered.
Zhou Mi switched to Korean, as he sat in a seat next to the bed. "You aren't angry at me?"
"No," Kyuhyun said, shaking his head. "I was never -- well, I was to blame in the first place. I can't really fault your righteous indignation, in any case."
Zhou Mi smiled, beamed even, and took Kyuhyun's hand and then was still, for a long moment. Hankyung could see something on Kyuhyun's face, something apprehensive and just slightly closed off. "You're cold," Zhou Mi said, confused. "Are you cold? I thought the room was quite warm. Do you want me to turn the heating up?"
Kyuhyun laughed, a little uncomfortably. "It's not the temperature of the room, Zhou Mi. It's just how my body is."
"But you were never -- oh."
"Yeah." Kyuhyun's face was still closed off. "Oh."
"Is it permanent?"
"They think so. They think that it's what was always supposed to happen. I can't have all this ice man power in me without it having some sort of effect on my body, after all."
Zhou Mi's eyes were watching him shrewdly. He sighed. "Kui Xian, you think I'm going to leave you because of this, don't you? Because your body is suddenly colder."
The part of Kyuhyun that had closed off seemed to falter for a moment. "Well," he said, "maybe not leave. Be freaked out, yeah."
Zhou Mi rolled his eyes and leaned forward to press his lips to Kyuhyun's. "Your mouth is still warm," he said softly, murmuring. Kyuhyun's smile was tight, but it was a smile nonetheless. Heechul snorted a little next to Hankyung, and pulled on his arm to get him to leave the room. Hyori was waiting in the hallway for them.
"Bastard was practically screaming at me to get out of the room," Heechul said, as he closed the door on Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. "I reminded him that Kyuhyun wasn't very well, of course. He had to play nice."
Hankyung winced. Hyori looked torn between laughing, and pretended that she didn't know what her students were talking about.
In the hospital cafeteria, Hyori explained exactly what had happened to Kyuhyun, and what this meant in the future. "It looks like his body is wired now to working at a temperature a couple of degrees cooler than it should be. His internal temperature is so low that by medical standards, he should be dead, but you can see for yourself that he's not. He'd be a medical miracle, if he wasn't a mutant and therefore somehow exempt from the laws of what is natural anyway."
"We were wondering," Heechul said, warming his own skin by wrapping his hands around the cup of coffee on the table in front of him, "if something like this is going to happen to Ryeowook. I know he's worried about the chance that it could happen, but you know Ryeowook, he doesn't like to make a fuss about himself."
Hyori smiled. "Don't worry. I've already had this thought. Burning up would be far worse, I think, than simply cooling down, so I discussed it with the mutant specialist who looked at Kyuhyun. After hearing all the details about Ryeowook, he came to the conclusion that it shouldn't happen the same."
"Why not?"
"Kyuhyun, whenever he controlled his power, created ice, he would always cool down for a short while, usually only for the length of time that he was using his power. This -- and this is second hand knowledge, I'm your control teacher and this is news to me -- this means that the ice had an effect on him, that it was actually part of him. Ryeowook, on the other hand, although he has the ability to create fire from nothing, is never affected by it. It never makes his body warm up. Besides that, once it's out of his hands, the fire is out of his control, not like Kyuhyun's almost complete control over anything icy. Ryeowook's power, the fire, isn't something that is fundamentally part of him, it's merely something he controls."
"That makes sense. I guess."
"Does it?" asked Hankyung, before he could stop himself. He looked sheepish as the other two laughed. "I'm sorry, I just -- there were a few words that I didn't even understand, never mind the whole thing."
"Basically," Hyori said, smiling brightly as Heechul continued to snicker, "Ryeowook is going to be fine."
"Well, that's good," Hankyung said, nodding his head. He tried to elbow Heechul in the side but only managed a tiny nudge before Heechul retaliated with his own elbow. Hankyung drifted out of the conversation for a short while, rubbing at his ribs. He'd probably have a bruise.
He began, for the first time, to look around himself. As they'd been there, it had passed midday and started for one o'clock; a large amount of people had come down from the different floors in order to grab things to eat. There was, he realised, an awful lot of people. The knowledge of it somehow made his stomach drop, as he stared at all the unfamiliar faces, all the people that he'd never seen before. The noise level suddenly reached painful proportions in his ears. He couldn't work out if it had really risen or not; Heechul and Hyori were still talking, but it was so loud to Hankyung's ears that he didn't think anyone would be able to just talk through it. A group of young nurses walked past, their chatter making his head hurt, the sudden realisation that he could kill these people making his breathing quicken. His fingers curled in, leather suddenly feeling too tight against his skin.
He'd been in the school for too long. He'd forgotten how dangerous he was.
"Hey." Heechul's voice sounded like it was coming from another room, lost in the voices of all the other people in the room. "Hey, Hankyung? Are you okay? Hankyung. Hankyung, talk to me."
There was a pair of his hands on his chin, pulling his head up. He couldn't remember lowering it. Hyori's face was fuzzy in front of his eyes, but he didn't think he was crying. He hoped he wasn't crying. It was only then that he realised that he honestly and truly couldn't breathe, his throat closed tight. He choked, then gasped, trying to pull in a breath, but the harder he tried, the harder it became. He clutched at Hyori's arms.
"Hankyung," she said soothingly. "Hankyung, calm down. Just calm down and try to breathe slowly." Her voice seemed too faint; Hankyung's lungs felt like they were about to explode, he didn't think he could calm down. "Close your eyes and breathe slowly."
Desperate now, Hankyung closed his eyes. Suddenly, there was no one around him. He'd blocked everyone out. He sucked in one breath, then let it out, and he could breathe again, could managing to take one breath after another. Slowly, the panic began to fade. Sound returned to normal levels. When he opened his eyes, Hyori was smiling at him. "Good," she said.
Hankyung felt heat spread along his cheeks, even as he tried to keep breathing steadily to chase off the last traces of panic. "Sorry," he mumbled, letting go of Hyori's arms. Her skin was red where his hands had held too tight; there were red half-crescents where his nails had dug into the skin. "I didn't mean to--"
"It's okay," she interrupted, feeling his forehead. There was a strange sensation, like warmth spreading through his body, and the pain in his chest disappeared. "Panic attack. Any idea what caused it?"
"There are -- too many people," murmured Hankyung, still not quite trusting himself to look around. "Too many people that I don't know."
"Okay," Hyori said, standing up and dusting off the knees of her trousers. "Well, it's about time that we were heading back into school anyway. I'll get you a drink and then we'll head upstairs. Don't look around -- look at Heechul instead."
Hankyung did so, but got a shock from that as well. Heechul was so white that he looked close to fainting himself. He put his hand on Hankyung's shoulder, and Hankyung could feel him shaking. "You're okay?"
"I'm okay." He was shaking less than Heechul, at any rate.
"Jesus, that was fucking scary." Heechul's fingers curled around Hankyung's bicep, just a little too hard. "I thought you were going to pass out or something."
"Well, best place, I suppose." It was weak and half-hearted, much like Heechul's returning smile. "There were just -- so many people, I didn't know what to -- I suddenly started thinking that somehow, I'd manage to kill one of them."
"But you can't."
Hankyung shrugged. "I just kept thinking, what if, and each time I did, it became harder and harder to breathe. I don't think I was even able to think rationally."
"Just because of people? But you're around people at school."
"They're -- they know about me and I know them. I don't, haven't been around people enough. It was too loud."
Heechul, after a moment's pause, reached out and covered Hankyung's ears with his hands, and said something, his mouth moving but Hankyung could no longer hear what he was saying. He laughed, pulled his wrists down, and after taking a deep breath, threaded their fingers together. It was the first time that Hankyung had held his hand. Heechul knew, recognised somehow, that Hankyung couldn't do it, always took his wrist if he needed to pull him somewhere, and as Hankyung's palm covered his own, Hankyung saw Heechul's eyes widen. "Han--"
"Come on then," Hyori said, apparently not noticing that there was a moment going on at the table. She put a bottle of water down on the table and picked up her jacket from the back of her chair. Heechul let go of his hand slowly.
"I am getting sick of this," he said, standing up and stalking off, pulling his jacket on as he went. Hyori stared at him. Hankyung smiled weakly at her.
***
Zhou Mi was so happy and bouncy when they got home that no one really had to even ask any questions, though Ryeowook and Sungmin insisted on knowing the details of exactly what had happened, and dragged him off into a corner to talk to him about it. Heechul sat down on Siwon's lap and proceeded to tell him everything that they had learnt, even though Siwon had never asked. Hankyung joined Eunhyuk, watching television.
"What's this?" he asked, sitting down on the sofa. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Donghae slung over Kibum's back. Kibum looked like he was trying to study: the expression on his face suggested quite clearly that he was torn between annoyance and happiness that Donghae was paying him attention like that.
"I don't know, something about some idol getting busted for drug abuse," Eunhyuk said, looking bored. "The news, in any case."
"You're watching the news?"
"It was either that or Mamma Mia."
"Hey," Sungmin called, apparently having ninja hearing that Hankyung hadn't noticed before. "Mamma Mia is the greatest film on the planet."
"Sure it is," Eunhyuk called back, "if you're a fag."
"Switch it over, I want to watch Mamma Mia!"
"No!"
"No," Eeteuk agreed, leaning forward. "Don't. In fact, turn it up, Eunhyuk, I want to hear this."
Eyes turned curiously to the screen that Eeteuk was suddenly so interested in. Eunhyuk turned the volume up, and suddenly the images of people standing around outside a window had a story to go with it. The people, they realised with a jolt of surprise, were demonstrators -- anti-mutant demonstrators. The camera panned out; there could only have been a hundred of them at the most, but the fact that they were there anyway made their stomachs drop painfully. This hundred could only be the start.
"Turn it off," said Henry suddenly, voice choked, sounding on the verge of tears. "Please, turn it off."
They turned to him, then Ryeowook and Sungmin were away from Zhou Mi and by Henry's side, hugging him in what looked like a rather uncomfortable group attack. Sungmin, for some reason, covered Henry's eyes, as if that would stop him feeling the emotions that the rest of the room were feeling. Henry curled into Ryeowook's side as Eunhyuk hurriedly switched the television off. Eeteuk stood up and joined the impromptu gathering on Henry's chair, and touched the top of his head.
"Henry," he said quietly, "did you talk to Hyori, like I said?"
Henry may possibly have shook his head, but it was hard to tell with the way Ryeowook was hugging it. "I haven't had time," he said. "I couldn't find her."
"Come on," said Eeteuk, motioning for Ryeowook and Sungmin to let go, which they did, reluctantly. Henry's eyes were slightly red, though he did not appear to have actually shed tears. "We'll go see her now. It's possible that you've been focusing on affecting other people's emotions too much, and it's leaving you too open to their emotions."
After they'd left, there was a bit of lower mood in the room, although Zhou Mi was still bouncing around. Heechul said it was hurting his eyes and that he was going up to his room. Hankyung, who had watched five minutes of Mamma Mia (Sungmin had fought with Eunhyuk over the remote, and won after leg locks were involved) and decided that he wanted to stab himself in the face, said he'd join him. Donghae catcalled. Heechul flipped him off, but you'd have to have been an idiot to miss the way he smiled.
"Okay," Heechul announced, once they were in his room. "I'm going to teach you how to play poker."
Hankyung stared as Heechul pulled a pack of cards out of his drawer and sat cross-legged on his bed. He patted the space in front of him. "Wait, really?" Hankyung asked.
"Yes, really. You can't go through life not knowing how to play poker, Hankyung."
"I've been managing it so far," Hankyung said. "Poker seems confusing, anyway, what was that game that Yehsung, Sungmin and Eunhyuk were playing yesterday?"
"Switch?" Heechul scrunched his nose up. "But then we don't get to play strip poker."
Hankyung almost swallowed his tongue.
It took Heechul over half an hour to explain to Hankyung exactly what he had to do. Part of the problem was that Hankyung didn't understand some of the terms that Heechul was using; another part was that there were so many rules that kept forgetting them. When they eventually began the game, Heechul asked, after laying down a card, "So are you feeling okay now?"
"Yes," said Hankyung. "Please, don't talk to me, I'm trying to concentrate."
"This game is easy."
"Maybe for you," Hankyung said, then groaned as Heechul lay down a two. He picked up two cards from the pile in the middle of the bed, which was always threatening to topple over whenever they moved. "Maybe for you with your three cards. You're cheating, there's no way you could have all the twos in the pack."
"Kyungie," Heechul trilled, "how dare you accuse me of cheating? That's just being a bad boyfriend."
"Yeah, well." Hankyung lay down the ace of hearts. Heechul's mouth fell open. "Take that."
"My god, you're the worst," Heechul said, just before there was a knock on the door.
"Hyung," Sungmin's voice called, laughter and insinuation in his voice, "can I come in?"
"Fucking -- fucker," Heechul said before shouting, "Yes, for fuck's sake, stop acting like we're having sex right this second." Hankyung almost swallowed his tongue, yet again.
Sungmin opened the door, a smile on his face, but he wasn't as amused as either Heechul or Hankyung expected him to be. Heechul reached out and took five cards as Sungmin sat down on his own bed, playing with phone as they resumed their game. He watched in silence for a long time before Heechul said, without looking at him, "Okay, what do you want? I can practically feel the uncertainty radiating from you."
Sungmin bit his bottom lip. "I -- Siwon --"
Heechul dropped his cards so fast and eagerly that he didn't try to hide them and Hankyung managed to see that the way the game was heading, Heechul would have won in another five turns. He groaned and dropped his own cards, vowing now to give up without making a fool of himself. "What about Siwon?" Heechul asked, or more, demanded.
"He just asked me--"
"What?" Heechul sat straight upright so fast that Hankyung got whiplash watching him. "What did he ask?"
"If I'd help him with his control lessons."
"The fuck?" Heechul asked flatly.
"Yeah," said Sungmin, whose face was, now Hankyung saw, completely confused. "That's pretty much what I said."
"So," Heechul said, staring intently at Sungmin's face, "what did you say?"
"Yes, of course." Sungmin's face, however, didn't show the same confidence in his face, and he added, "How could I say no, it's not like he asked for something ridiculous."
"Well, why didn't he ask me?" Heechul demanded.
"That's what I said. He said that he didn't want to bother you anymore than he already does."
"Oh, he's smooth," Heechul muttered, then looked closer at Sungmin's face. "Why do you look like that?"
"I...something doesn't feel right. I don't feel comfortable. I don't want to disappoint him, that would just be awful."
"Yes," said Heechul, slightly viciously. "It would."
"I feel awkward around him sometimes."
"I wonder why that could be," said Heechul, sarcastically. Sungmin frowned at him, but didn't say anything.
***
A couple of nights later, Siwon had had his first unofficial control lesson with Sungmin and was by far the most cheerful person at the dinner table, even surpassing Zhou Mi, who had spent most of the free time after school finished in the hospital wing where Kyuhyun had been moved that morning. Henry, infected by their moods, was laughing at almost anything said to him. Donghae was milking this for all it was worth, though every time Henry laughed, Donghae dissolved into laughter like it was a trip reaction. Even though Heechul was still slightly snippy with Siwon for choosing Sungmin over him -- he wasn't really annoyed, he just knew that Siwon had been feeling guilty anyway -- he was grinning cheerfully as they left dinner. He was even hanging off Hankyung's arm.
"So," he said, as they climbed the staircase to the first floor. "What are we doing tonight?"
"Uh." Hankyung frowned. "Sleeping?"
Heechul rolled his eyes and clung a little harder, when there was an ominous groaning sound from behind them. They turned just in time to see one of the wires holding the chandelier light hanging over the main hall break away from its holding. The group of girls standing underneath it, previously screaming with laughter, stared in shocked silence as the other wire snapped cleanly. It fell. The screaming began.
Heechul threw his hands forward, reaction time of someone used to using their mind. One of the girls had turned into a pool of goo on the floor (Hankyung just hoped that was her power and was supposed to happen), while the other three were clutching at each other, shrieking in fear, their lives no doubt flashing before their eyes. The light fell two stories from the ceiling above them, and was level with Hankyung's face by the time Heechul managed to get a lock on it and stopped it. His face was twisted in concentration, teeth gritted. The girls were staring at their death hanging a few metres over their head.
"Tell them to move," Heechul said, barely understandable through his teeth. No one else, not even people standing on the stairs with them, seemed to have kept their wits around them, simply staring in silence at the chandelier. Hankyung leaned over the railing and shouted for the girls to move. Heechul made a noise under his breath, a semi-grunt, and the light dropped a couple of inches. This seemed to scare the girls into scattering.
With a moan, Heechul collapsed to the ground, seemingly blacking out for a moment. The light crashed to the floor and shattered, sending tiny pieces of glass flying out in every direction. When Hankyung fell to his knees beside Heechul, he was coming around, sweat beaded on his forehead, eyes clouded by pain. "God, my head," he whispered, as Hankyung tried to help him up. He couldn't even get to his feet though; when he tried, his knees simply gave way and Hankyung lowered him back to the floor.
By now, teachers were in the hall. Some were inspecting the light, a couple of others, including Hyori, were making their ways up the stairs towards them. Hyori knelt by Heechul and lay her fingers against his temple for a split second before she made a pained noise and pulled away. "Hankyung," she said, "get him to bed."
Hankyung hooked his arm around Heechul's knees, ready to lift him up, when a shout of "hyung!" sounded over the loud talk in the hall. Siwon was pushing his way through -- it was lucky that no one was injured in his rush. He pushed his way up the stairs and knelt where Hankyung was. Heechul opened his eyes and then let them close again. "Hyung," said Siwon, in a wavering voice.
"It's okay," Hyori said, laying a hand on Siwon's shoulder. "He just needs rest to recover. Stopping a moving object of that size wasn't something he was ready for, it's knocked him, but he should be fine this time tomorrow."
"Here," Siwon said, "I'll take him." Hankyung, although aware that Siwon would have an easier time carrying Heechul, was still reluctant as he let Siwon take him from his arms. Hyori came up with them after ordering that Sungmin should be allowed through. In comparison to the hall, the corridors were deathly silent. Sungmin let them into the bedroom he and Heechul shared, and Siwon lay Heechul on the bed, fussing over him. Heechul was already out for the count.
It was much later, pitch black, when Hankyung woke up. He hadn't been sleeping well, and had only drifted off after tossing and turning. The knock at the door made him wake up, but his mind wasn't functioning enough to do anything about it. There was another knock, this time more insistent. Groaning, Siwon switched the lamp on and got out of bed to answer the door. Hankyung had his face in the pillow as someone whispered something to Siwon. Then there was banging, as Siwon apparently pulled a t-shirt from a drawer. A hand landed on his back, shaking.
He twisted around to lay his eyes on Sungmin's face, tear streaks visible in the yellow-ish light of the lamp. "Hyung," he whispered, rubbing the heel of his hand at swollen red eyes. "Hyung, there's something wrong with Heechul-hyung."
Hankyung sat up, his heart jumping to his throat as his stomach dropped. It was like his body was having a tug of war. "What do you mean, what's wrong?" Siwon was pulling his t-shirt over his head, looking terrified.
"I don't know, I woke up and he was -- shaking and thrashing around, jerky. He was so pale and then he stopped, and he was so still until it started again. I couldn't get him to wake up at all, so I -- decided to come get you and Siwon."
"Get Hyori," Hankyung said immediately. "Teleport, it'll be quicker. Siwon, we'll go check on Heechul, make sure he's -- I can't touch him. We need to check his pulse." Sungmin gave a sob, slightly hysterical, clapped his hand over his mouth, and then was gone. Hankyung and Siwon ran as fast as they could to Heechul's room; Hyori's words were ringing in his ears.
He should be fine.
Hankyung watched as some of the excitement in Zhou Mi's face fell away. "But hyung, he's awake!"
"Zhou Mi, you're interrupting me in my relationship time. Did I ever interrupt you in your relationship time? No, because I'm a good hyung. Now be a good dongsaeng and go away."
Hankyung wriggled a little and managed to roll Heechul off him without rolling him simultaneously off the bed. Heechul huffed out a breath which let them both know he was annoyed at them, and didn't move. Hankyung got off the bed. "We'll go tell someone," he said. Zhou Mi brightened up. Heechul whined.
The teacher that they managed to locate, it being a weekend, was surprised at Zhou Mi's conviction that Kyuhyun was awake, but agreed to call the hospital and check anyway. He was apparently put through to Hyori, who was so excited that they could hear her voice even waiting on the other side of the room: Kyuhyun had woken up. His body had seemingly righted himself, and though he was still weak, he didn't seem to have any other health problems hanging around anymore.
He was so much better that he was moved out of the intensive care unit that very day. The doctors were considering it a miracle, Hyori told them the next day, as she walked with Zhou Mi, Heechul and Hankyung through the hospital corridor to the room Kyuhyun had been moved into. Hankyung wasn't sure why he was there, to be honest. Zhou Mi was there for obvious reasons, and he'd begged Heechul to come with him in case Kyuhyun was still angry with him. Heechul had, metaphorically and literally, held onto Hankyung's arm and made him come too.
Hankyung had, strangely enough, never been in a hospital before, and he wasn't sure he liked it. There was a strange smell and too many people looking very ill. It made him uncomfortable. He felt Heechul, still literally hanging onto his arm, draw a little closer. Zhou Mi's smile faded a little. "I hate hospitals," he said solemnly. "They're all exactly the same and they're all scary."
"I feel exactly the same," Heechul said, a shiver in his voice.
The room that Kyuhyun had been moved into was on the fifth floor. The lift ride up there was mostly silent, only Hyori trying to bring up some conversation. Hankyung didn't know what to expect when he saw Kyuhyun. Heechul had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since they'd stepped inside. Zhou Mi was too scared thinking about what would happen if he walked into the room and Kyuhyun was still angry at him.
Kyuhyun, it turned out, was anything but. He looked tired, thinner than normal, when they entered, but his smile was warm and genuine, at Zhou Mi standing frozen in the doorway. "Mimi," he said, in a slightly hoarse voice, a voice that wasn't used to being used, and he began to struggle upright. Zhou Mi was on him in a second, helping him up and fussing over him and wiping discreetly at stray tears. He mumbled something in Chinese, too quiet for the others still in the doorway to hear, and Kyuhyun laughed and took his hand.
"You don't have to," he said, but Zhou Mi interrupted him again in a string of Mandarin that had Kyuhyun frowning, trying to work out what he was saying. His Mandarin knowledge wasn't particularly good, though he understood the basics thanks to Zhou Mi. This, however, took him a couple of minutes to work through. "I -- no, of course I don't, I was the one who--" He saw Hankyung standing in the doorway and smiled weakly. "Well, you know."
"It's fine," said Hankyung. "I said so, didn't I? Right now, I'm just -- I'm glad that it's out in the open. Secrets aren't actually any fun."
"Isn't that the truth," Heechul muttered.
Zhou Mi switched to Korean, as he sat in a seat next to the bed. "You aren't angry at me?"
"No," Kyuhyun said, shaking his head. "I was never -- well, I was to blame in the first place. I can't really fault your righteous indignation, in any case."
Zhou Mi smiled, beamed even, and took Kyuhyun's hand and then was still, for a long moment. Hankyung could see something on Kyuhyun's face, something apprehensive and just slightly closed off. "You're cold," Zhou Mi said, confused. "Are you cold? I thought the room was quite warm. Do you want me to turn the heating up?"
Kyuhyun laughed, a little uncomfortably. "It's not the temperature of the room, Zhou Mi. It's just how my body is."
"But you were never -- oh."
"Yeah." Kyuhyun's face was still closed off. "Oh."
"Is it permanent?"
"They think so. They think that it's what was always supposed to happen. I can't have all this ice man power in me without it having some sort of effect on my body, after all."
Zhou Mi's eyes were watching him shrewdly. He sighed. "Kui Xian, you think I'm going to leave you because of this, don't you? Because your body is suddenly colder."
The part of Kyuhyun that had closed off seemed to falter for a moment. "Well," he said, "maybe not leave. Be freaked out, yeah."
Zhou Mi rolled his eyes and leaned forward to press his lips to Kyuhyun's. "Your mouth is still warm," he said softly, murmuring. Kyuhyun's smile was tight, but it was a smile nonetheless. Heechul snorted a little next to Hankyung, and pulled on his arm to get him to leave the room. Hyori was waiting in the hallway for them.
"Bastard was practically screaming at me to get out of the room," Heechul said, as he closed the door on Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. "I reminded him that Kyuhyun wasn't very well, of course. He had to play nice."
Hankyung winced. Hyori looked torn between laughing, and pretended that she didn't know what her students were talking about.
In the hospital cafeteria, Hyori explained exactly what had happened to Kyuhyun, and what this meant in the future. "It looks like his body is wired now to working at a temperature a couple of degrees cooler than it should be. His internal temperature is so low that by medical standards, he should be dead, but you can see for yourself that he's not. He'd be a medical miracle, if he wasn't a mutant and therefore somehow exempt from the laws of what is natural anyway."
"We were wondering," Heechul said, warming his own skin by wrapping his hands around the cup of coffee on the table in front of him, "if something like this is going to happen to Ryeowook. I know he's worried about the chance that it could happen, but you know Ryeowook, he doesn't like to make a fuss about himself."
Hyori smiled. "Don't worry. I've already had this thought. Burning up would be far worse, I think, than simply cooling down, so I discussed it with the mutant specialist who looked at Kyuhyun. After hearing all the details about Ryeowook, he came to the conclusion that it shouldn't happen the same."
"Why not?"
"Kyuhyun, whenever he controlled his power, created ice, he would always cool down for a short while, usually only for the length of time that he was using his power. This -- and this is second hand knowledge, I'm your control teacher and this is news to me -- this means that the ice had an effect on him, that it was actually part of him. Ryeowook, on the other hand, although he has the ability to create fire from nothing, is never affected by it. It never makes his body warm up. Besides that, once it's out of his hands, the fire is out of his control, not like Kyuhyun's almost complete control over anything icy. Ryeowook's power, the fire, isn't something that is fundamentally part of him, it's merely something he controls."
"That makes sense. I guess."
"Does it?" asked Hankyung, before he could stop himself. He looked sheepish as the other two laughed. "I'm sorry, I just -- there were a few words that I didn't even understand, never mind the whole thing."
"Basically," Hyori said, smiling brightly as Heechul continued to snicker, "Ryeowook is going to be fine."
"Well, that's good," Hankyung said, nodding his head. He tried to elbow Heechul in the side but only managed a tiny nudge before Heechul retaliated with his own elbow. Hankyung drifted out of the conversation for a short while, rubbing at his ribs. He'd probably have a bruise.
He began, for the first time, to look around himself. As they'd been there, it had passed midday and started for one o'clock; a large amount of people had come down from the different floors in order to grab things to eat. There was, he realised, an awful lot of people. The knowledge of it somehow made his stomach drop, as he stared at all the unfamiliar faces, all the people that he'd never seen before. The noise level suddenly reached painful proportions in his ears. He couldn't work out if it had really risen or not; Heechul and Hyori were still talking, but it was so loud to Hankyung's ears that he didn't think anyone would be able to just talk through it. A group of young nurses walked past, their chatter making his head hurt, the sudden realisation that he could kill these people making his breathing quicken. His fingers curled in, leather suddenly feeling too tight against his skin.
He'd been in the school for too long. He'd forgotten how dangerous he was.
"Hey." Heechul's voice sounded like it was coming from another room, lost in the voices of all the other people in the room. "Hey, Hankyung? Are you okay? Hankyung. Hankyung, talk to me."
There was a pair of his hands on his chin, pulling his head up. He couldn't remember lowering it. Hyori's face was fuzzy in front of his eyes, but he didn't think he was crying. He hoped he wasn't crying. It was only then that he realised that he honestly and truly couldn't breathe, his throat closed tight. He choked, then gasped, trying to pull in a breath, but the harder he tried, the harder it became. He clutched at Hyori's arms.
"Hankyung," she said soothingly. "Hankyung, calm down. Just calm down and try to breathe slowly." Her voice seemed too faint; Hankyung's lungs felt like they were about to explode, he didn't think he could calm down. "Close your eyes and breathe slowly."
Desperate now, Hankyung closed his eyes. Suddenly, there was no one around him. He'd blocked everyone out. He sucked in one breath, then let it out, and he could breathe again, could managing to take one breath after another. Slowly, the panic began to fade. Sound returned to normal levels. When he opened his eyes, Hyori was smiling at him. "Good," she said.
Hankyung felt heat spread along his cheeks, even as he tried to keep breathing steadily to chase off the last traces of panic. "Sorry," he mumbled, letting go of Hyori's arms. Her skin was red where his hands had held too tight; there were red half-crescents where his nails had dug into the skin. "I didn't mean to--"
"It's okay," she interrupted, feeling his forehead. There was a strange sensation, like warmth spreading through his body, and the pain in his chest disappeared. "Panic attack. Any idea what caused it?"
"There are -- too many people," murmured Hankyung, still not quite trusting himself to look around. "Too many people that I don't know."
"Okay," Hyori said, standing up and dusting off the knees of her trousers. "Well, it's about time that we were heading back into school anyway. I'll get you a drink and then we'll head upstairs. Don't look around -- look at Heechul instead."
Hankyung did so, but got a shock from that as well. Heechul was so white that he looked close to fainting himself. He put his hand on Hankyung's shoulder, and Hankyung could feel him shaking. "You're okay?"
"I'm okay." He was shaking less than Heechul, at any rate.
"Jesus, that was fucking scary." Heechul's fingers curled around Hankyung's bicep, just a little too hard. "I thought you were going to pass out or something."
"Well, best place, I suppose." It was weak and half-hearted, much like Heechul's returning smile. "There were just -- so many people, I didn't know what to -- I suddenly started thinking that somehow, I'd manage to kill one of them."
"But you can't."
Hankyung shrugged. "I just kept thinking, what if, and each time I did, it became harder and harder to breathe. I don't think I was even able to think rationally."
"Just because of people? But you're around people at school."
"They're -- they know about me and I know them. I don't, haven't been around people enough. It was too loud."
Heechul, after a moment's pause, reached out and covered Hankyung's ears with his hands, and said something, his mouth moving but Hankyung could no longer hear what he was saying. He laughed, pulled his wrists down, and after taking a deep breath, threaded their fingers together. It was the first time that Hankyung had held his hand. Heechul knew, recognised somehow, that Hankyung couldn't do it, always took his wrist if he needed to pull him somewhere, and as Hankyung's palm covered his own, Hankyung saw Heechul's eyes widen. "Han--"
"Come on then," Hyori said, apparently not noticing that there was a moment going on at the table. She put a bottle of water down on the table and picked up her jacket from the back of her chair. Heechul let go of his hand slowly.
"I am getting sick of this," he said, standing up and stalking off, pulling his jacket on as he went. Hyori stared at him. Hankyung smiled weakly at her.
Zhou Mi was so happy and bouncy when they got home that no one really had to even ask any questions, though Ryeowook and Sungmin insisted on knowing the details of exactly what had happened, and dragged him off into a corner to talk to him about it. Heechul sat down on Siwon's lap and proceeded to tell him everything that they had learnt, even though Siwon had never asked. Hankyung joined Eunhyuk, watching television.
"What's this?" he asked, sitting down on the sofa. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Donghae slung over Kibum's back. Kibum looked like he was trying to study: the expression on his face suggested quite clearly that he was torn between annoyance and happiness that Donghae was paying him attention like that.
"I don't know, something about some idol getting busted for drug abuse," Eunhyuk said, looking bored. "The news, in any case."
"You're watching the news?"
"It was either that or Mamma Mia."
"Hey," Sungmin called, apparently having ninja hearing that Hankyung hadn't noticed before. "Mamma Mia is the greatest film on the planet."
"Sure it is," Eunhyuk called back, "if you're a fag."
"Switch it over, I want to watch Mamma Mia!"
"No!"
"No," Eeteuk agreed, leaning forward. "Don't. In fact, turn it up, Eunhyuk, I want to hear this."
Eyes turned curiously to the screen that Eeteuk was suddenly so interested in. Eunhyuk turned the volume up, and suddenly the images of people standing around outside a window had a story to go with it. The people, they realised with a jolt of surprise, were demonstrators -- anti-mutant demonstrators. The camera panned out; there could only have been a hundred of them at the most, but the fact that they were there anyway made their stomachs drop painfully. This hundred could only be the start.
"Turn it off," said Henry suddenly, voice choked, sounding on the verge of tears. "Please, turn it off."
They turned to him, then Ryeowook and Sungmin were away from Zhou Mi and by Henry's side, hugging him in what looked like a rather uncomfortable group attack. Sungmin, for some reason, covered Henry's eyes, as if that would stop him feeling the emotions that the rest of the room were feeling. Henry curled into Ryeowook's side as Eunhyuk hurriedly switched the television off. Eeteuk stood up and joined the impromptu gathering on Henry's chair, and touched the top of his head.
"Henry," he said quietly, "did you talk to Hyori, like I said?"
Henry may possibly have shook his head, but it was hard to tell with the way Ryeowook was hugging it. "I haven't had time," he said. "I couldn't find her."
"Come on," said Eeteuk, motioning for Ryeowook and Sungmin to let go, which they did, reluctantly. Henry's eyes were slightly red, though he did not appear to have actually shed tears. "We'll go see her now. It's possible that you've been focusing on affecting other people's emotions too much, and it's leaving you too open to their emotions."
After they'd left, there was a bit of lower mood in the room, although Zhou Mi was still bouncing around. Heechul said it was hurting his eyes and that he was going up to his room. Hankyung, who had watched five minutes of Mamma Mia (Sungmin had fought with Eunhyuk over the remote, and won after leg locks were involved) and decided that he wanted to stab himself in the face, said he'd join him. Donghae catcalled. Heechul flipped him off, but you'd have to have been an idiot to miss the way he smiled.
"Okay," Heechul announced, once they were in his room. "I'm going to teach you how to play poker."
Hankyung stared as Heechul pulled a pack of cards out of his drawer and sat cross-legged on his bed. He patted the space in front of him. "Wait, really?" Hankyung asked.
"Yes, really. You can't go through life not knowing how to play poker, Hankyung."
"I've been managing it so far," Hankyung said. "Poker seems confusing, anyway, what was that game that Yehsung, Sungmin and Eunhyuk were playing yesterday?"
"Switch?" Heechul scrunched his nose up. "But then we don't get to play strip poker."
Hankyung almost swallowed his tongue.
It took Heechul over half an hour to explain to Hankyung exactly what he had to do. Part of the problem was that Hankyung didn't understand some of the terms that Heechul was using; another part was that there were so many rules that kept forgetting them. When they eventually began the game, Heechul asked, after laying down a card, "So are you feeling okay now?"
"Yes," said Hankyung. "Please, don't talk to me, I'm trying to concentrate."
"This game is easy."
"Maybe for you," Hankyung said, then groaned as Heechul lay down a two. He picked up two cards from the pile in the middle of the bed, which was always threatening to topple over whenever they moved. "Maybe for you with your three cards. You're cheating, there's no way you could have all the twos in the pack."
"Kyungie," Heechul trilled, "how dare you accuse me of cheating? That's just being a bad boyfriend."
"Yeah, well." Hankyung lay down the ace of hearts. Heechul's mouth fell open. "Take that."
"My god, you're the worst," Heechul said, just before there was a knock on the door.
"Hyung," Sungmin's voice called, laughter and insinuation in his voice, "can I come in?"
"Fucking -- fucker," Heechul said before shouting, "Yes, for fuck's sake, stop acting like we're having sex right this second." Hankyung almost swallowed his tongue, yet again.
Sungmin opened the door, a smile on his face, but he wasn't as amused as either Heechul or Hankyung expected him to be. Heechul reached out and took five cards as Sungmin sat down on his own bed, playing with phone as they resumed their game. He watched in silence for a long time before Heechul said, without looking at him, "Okay, what do you want? I can practically feel the uncertainty radiating from you."
Sungmin bit his bottom lip. "I -- Siwon --"
Heechul dropped his cards so fast and eagerly that he didn't try to hide them and Hankyung managed to see that the way the game was heading, Heechul would have won in another five turns. He groaned and dropped his own cards, vowing now to give up without making a fool of himself. "What about Siwon?" Heechul asked, or more, demanded.
"He just asked me--"
"What?" Heechul sat straight upright so fast that Hankyung got whiplash watching him. "What did he ask?"
"If I'd help him with his control lessons."
"The fuck?" Heechul asked flatly.
"Yeah," said Sungmin, whose face was, now Hankyung saw, completely confused. "That's pretty much what I said."
"So," Heechul said, staring intently at Sungmin's face, "what did you say?"
"Yes, of course." Sungmin's face, however, didn't show the same confidence in his face, and he added, "How could I say no, it's not like he asked for something ridiculous."
"Well, why didn't he ask me?" Heechul demanded.
"That's what I said. He said that he didn't want to bother you anymore than he already does."
"Oh, he's smooth," Heechul muttered, then looked closer at Sungmin's face. "Why do you look like that?"
"I...something doesn't feel right. I don't feel comfortable. I don't want to disappoint him, that would just be awful."
"Yes," said Heechul, slightly viciously. "It would."
"I feel awkward around him sometimes."
"I wonder why that could be," said Heechul, sarcastically. Sungmin frowned at him, but didn't say anything.
A couple of nights later, Siwon had had his first unofficial control lesson with Sungmin and was by far the most cheerful person at the dinner table, even surpassing Zhou Mi, who had spent most of the free time after school finished in the hospital wing where Kyuhyun had been moved that morning. Henry, infected by their moods, was laughing at almost anything said to him. Donghae was milking this for all it was worth, though every time Henry laughed, Donghae dissolved into laughter like it was a trip reaction. Even though Heechul was still slightly snippy with Siwon for choosing Sungmin over him -- he wasn't really annoyed, he just knew that Siwon had been feeling guilty anyway -- he was grinning cheerfully as they left dinner. He was even hanging off Hankyung's arm.
"So," he said, as they climbed the staircase to the first floor. "What are we doing tonight?"
"Uh." Hankyung frowned. "Sleeping?"
Heechul rolled his eyes and clung a little harder, when there was an ominous groaning sound from behind them. They turned just in time to see one of the wires holding the chandelier light hanging over the main hall break away from its holding. The group of girls standing underneath it, previously screaming with laughter, stared in shocked silence as the other wire snapped cleanly. It fell. The screaming began.
Heechul threw his hands forward, reaction time of someone used to using their mind. One of the girls had turned into a pool of goo on the floor (Hankyung just hoped that was her power and was supposed to happen), while the other three were clutching at each other, shrieking in fear, their lives no doubt flashing before their eyes. The light fell two stories from the ceiling above them, and was level with Hankyung's face by the time Heechul managed to get a lock on it and stopped it. His face was twisted in concentration, teeth gritted. The girls were staring at their death hanging a few metres over their head.
"Tell them to move," Heechul said, barely understandable through his teeth. No one else, not even people standing on the stairs with them, seemed to have kept their wits around them, simply staring in silence at the chandelier. Hankyung leaned over the railing and shouted for the girls to move. Heechul made a noise under his breath, a semi-grunt, and the light dropped a couple of inches. This seemed to scare the girls into scattering.
With a moan, Heechul collapsed to the ground, seemingly blacking out for a moment. The light crashed to the floor and shattered, sending tiny pieces of glass flying out in every direction. When Hankyung fell to his knees beside Heechul, he was coming around, sweat beaded on his forehead, eyes clouded by pain. "God, my head," he whispered, as Hankyung tried to help him up. He couldn't even get to his feet though; when he tried, his knees simply gave way and Hankyung lowered him back to the floor.
By now, teachers were in the hall. Some were inspecting the light, a couple of others, including Hyori, were making their ways up the stairs towards them. Hyori knelt by Heechul and lay her fingers against his temple for a split second before she made a pained noise and pulled away. "Hankyung," she said, "get him to bed."
Hankyung hooked his arm around Heechul's knees, ready to lift him up, when a shout of "hyung!" sounded over the loud talk in the hall. Siwon was pushing his way through -- it was lucky that no one was injured in his rush. He pushed his way up the stairs and knelt where Hankyung was. Heechul opened his eyes and then let them close again. "Hyung," said Siwon, in a wavering voice.
"It's okay," Hyori said, laying a hand on Siwon's shoulder. "He just needs rest to recover. Stopping a moving object of that size wasn't something he was ready for, it's knocked him, but he should be fine this time tomorrow."
"Here," Siwon said, "I'll take him." Hankyung, although aware that Siwon would have an easier time carrying Heechul, was still reluctant as he let Siwon take him from his arms. Hyori came up with them after ordering that Sungmin should be allowed through. In comparison to the hall, the corridors were deathly silent. Sungmin let them into the bedroom he and Heechul shared, and Siwon lay Heechul on the bed, fussing over him. Heechul was already out for the count.
It was much later, pitch black, when Hankyung woke up. He hadn't been sleeping well, and had only drifted off after tossing and turning. The knock at the door made him wake up, but his mind wasn't functioning enough to do anything about it. There was another knock, this time more insistent. Groaning, Siwon switched the lamp on and got out of bed to answer the door. Hankyung had his face in the pillow as someone whispered something to Siwon. Then there was banging, as Siwon apparently pulled a t-shirt from a drawer. A hand landed on his back, shaking.
He twisted around to lay his eyes on Sungmin's face, tear streaks visible in the yellow-ish light of the lamp. "Hyung," he whispered, rubbing the heel of his hand at swollen red eyes. "Hyung, there's something wrong with Heechul-hyung."
Hankyung sat up, his heart jumping to his throat as his stomach dropped. It was like his body was having a tug of war. "What do you mean, what's wrong?" Siwon was pulling his t-shirt over his head, looking terrified.
"I don't know, I woke up and he was -- shaking and thrashing around, jerky. He was so pale and then he stopped, and he was so still until it started again. I couldn't get him to wake up at all, so I -- decided to come get you and Siwon."
"Get Hyori," Hankyung said immediately. "Teleport, it'll be quicker. Siwon, we'll go check on Heechul, make sure he's -- I can't touch him. We need to check his pulse." Sungmin gave a sob, slightly hysterical, clapped his hand over his mouth, and then was gone. Hankyung and Siwon ran as fast as they could to Heechul's room; Hyori's words were ringing in his ears.
He should be fine.
.........................................................
Heechul was still on the bed when they entered, almost too still. He lay on his back, limbs flung in all directions, sheets on the floor beside him. Siwon reached him just as another fit started up, Heechul's eyes moving under his eyelids as he thrashed his arms and kicked his legs; Siwon tried to gather him up but Heechul was moving too much for him to be able to do it. It was the silence that was the most terrifying part. Heechul didn't speak, he didn't even moan, as he convulsed on the bed; his breathing, laboured and desperate, said it all.
"What's wrong with him?" Siwon asked, looking on the verge of tears. Hankyung didn't know. He was simply staring in horror, at the whiteness of Heechul's face and the way his fingers kept curling in to dig into his palm. He was beginning to draw blood, he was pressing in so hard. Siwon gave up on trying to hug Heechul to him and instead simply tried to stop him from moving, but he didn't want to press too hard in case he hurt him. Hankyung was too terrified of doing something wrong to even come near. Heechul fell still again, and Siwon lifted him from the bed. "I'm taking him to the hospital wing," he said. "I don't care about waiting for Professor Lee, I'm taking him now."
He had just finished that when there was the sounds of thundering footsteps in the hallway outside, and Hyori threw the door open, Sungmin hot on her heels. She'd simply thrown a thin kimono style dressing gown on over her nightgown, and for the first time Hankyung realised that Sungmin must have simply grabbed a hooded sweatshirt from nearby and pulled that on; he was still wearing boxer shorts and was barefoot. Sungmin looked like he was going to faint. Hankyung's feet were cold, though whether that was because he had no socks on, or being his blood was running cold, he didn't know.
Hyori didn't dare touch Heechul. "Siwon, get him to the hospital wing as quickly as you possibly can. Sungmin, you teleport there and let the matron know. I don't think we have a moment to waste." She was just about to leave the room when she realised that Hankyung wasn't moving. "Hankyung? Aren't you coming?"
"Tell me he'll be okay," Hankyung said, lips numb. "I don't care if it's a lie, I just need you to tell me that he'll be okay. You said he would be, earlier, you said he'll be fine. Tell me that again."
Hyori came forward and brushed the hair from his forehead. It was so like what a mother would do that he flinched away from it. "I can't tell you that, Hankyung, since I don't know. I can't give you false hope."
"You--"
"But," Hyori added, face set, hand on his shoulder, "I can promise you that I will do all I can to make sure that Heechul does not die. I can promise my best, Hankyung, but that's all I can promise."
Her best wasn't really enough for Hankyung, who couldn't relax until he knew exactly what was wrong with Heechul and what they would do to solve it. Maybe this was what Zhou Mi had felt like, when Kyuhyun had fallen ill, but Hankyung could feel himself drawing back from his emotions even as they threatened to consume him. It was a matter of simply distancing himself like he had done for most of his life, and the knowledge was always there, he would always know how he could do it. He would always know that he could. It was too late to stop himself from falling in love with Heechul, he knew that, but maybe he could stop himself from feeling the grief. The death of his sister was still so raw that he didn't think he could take losing Heechul, not how he was right now, weak and pathetic and still broken somehow.
Not for the first time, he cursed ever allowing himself to get so close.
The commotion of them arriving in the hospital wing was enough to wake Kyuhyun, who was disorientated and seemed to think that they were all there to see him. "Guys," he said drowsily, struggling upright. "I'm asleep, couldn't you wait until morning?"
"It's not that, Kyuhyun," said Sungmin, hushing him as Siwon carefully put Heechul down on the bed that the matron was pointing to. As he did so, another fit started up, Heechul's arms shaking his time. There was a flurry of movement as Hyori and the matron tried to stabalise him while simultaneously trying to work out what was wrong. Kyuhyun's eyes went wide.
"What the -- what's wrong?"
"We aren't too sure just yet," said the matron. She had the tone of someone who didn't know what they were doing but were well versed in hiding any panic. "Professor Lee, could you go ring the doctor and ask him to come to the school as quickly as he possibly can?"
"Do you think we should be getting him to hospital?" Hyori said quietly, but not so quietly that they couldn't hear her. The matron gave a tight smile.
"No, we should be fine," she soothed, putting a hand on Hankyung's shoulder. Hankyung wasn't sure why she chose him out of everyone, but then he saw everyone staring at him and realised he was shaking almost as hard as Heechul on the bed. "Come on, son, sit down."
Hankyung let himself be pulled to a chair and forced down into it. Hyori tried to hand him a glass of water, but he didn't notice it until she said his name; he was too busy watching Heechul. When he did take the glass, he was shaking so hard that he dropped it. It smashed on the tiles loudly, shocking Sungmin who yelped and grabbed onto Siwon's arm. Hankyung barely even registered the noise. Someone cleaned up the glass, and someone else coaxed him to open his mouth, so that they could put two pills on his tongue, which he swallowed after another glass of water was held to his mouth. The bed that Heechul was still jerking on went fuzzy.
When he woke up, there was light, the early morning kind, streaming in through the windows, marred by a fog that was setting in. He sat up, confused as to where he was, before realising that he was in the hospital wing. Heechul was lying in a bed a couple down from him, hooked up to a machine which was beeping softly and steadily. He seemed to be sleeping. A quiet, rather sleepy, "Hey," had him turning to see Kyuhyun also awake, and sitting up.
"What happened?" asked Hankyung, confused. "I don't remember--"
"Sleeping pills," Kyuhyun said. "You were freaking out, they figured it was better to simply sedate you because they couldn't spare the time to calm you down."
"But I was fine," Hankyung protested. "I wasn't even--"
"Major freaking out, hyung. You looked like you were having a fit yourself, I couldn't work out which was more scary." That reminded Hankyung. He got off his bed and slowly made his way to Heechul's. "He's been like that for most of the time you were out," Kyuhyun said conversationally. "It didn't take too long for the doctor to stop the fits, I have no idea how, but he hasn't moved since then."
Hankyung's hand was paused over Heechul's arm. He could see his chest rising and falling with each breath, but couldn't bring himself to touch him. After a minute, he merely pulled a chair up to the bed and sat there. Kyuhyun was looking at him knowingly. "Where did Siwon and Sungmin go?" Hankyung asked.
"Back to bed, I guess. Hyori pretty much had to threaten to expel Siwon if he didn't go back to his room, he didn't want to leave either of you."
Hankyung lay his hand right next to Heechul's on the bed, but still didn't touch it. "You look like you haven't had any sleep," he told Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun shrugged. "You and Heechul are probably the only ones who did."
"You should sleep," Hankyung said quietly, and within five minutes, Kyuhyun was fast asleep. The pills that they'd given Hankyung clearly hadn't worn off yet since he could feel his eyelids drooping, and the next thing he knew, his head was resting on the bed, Heechul's fingers were curled around his, and he was having an argument with Kyuhyun about the best way to kill some alien life form in a video game that Hankyung knew nothing about. For a long time, Hankyung simply let his head lay there, staring at their hands, and then he sat up, because it was killing his back.
"Well hi there, sleeping beauty," Heechul said. There was something not quite right with his voice, or the tentative way he turned his head, or the way he smiled at Hankyung. It was all too brittle, too fragile. "Finally woken up, huh?"
"You --" Hankyung stopped, swallowed tears, then changed the subject. "Yeah well, you were being so loud."
"Your snoring woke me up," Heechul said, rolling his eyes. "And no, Kyuhyun, that's just a dumb idea and you shouldn't do it that way at all."
"What do you know?" Kyuhyun said. "Are you sure those fits didn't damage your brain?"
"Oh, as opposed to you, who was born stupid?"
"Oh whatever, hyung."
Heechul slumped back on his bed, closing his eyes and going limp for a moment. Hankyung's hand convulsed around his. "Heechul," he said.
"Hyung?" Kyuhyun suddenly looked worried. "Hyung, I was just joking about the fits."
"Oh, shut up," Heechul mumbled. "I'm fine, stop treating me like glass."
"Did they tell you what caused the fits?"
"Yeah, but you'll have to ask Hyori. It was way too complicated for me."
Hankyung sought Hyori out after Heechul had fallen asleep again. She was in her office, marking assignments and looking like she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep. Like Heechul, the cause of the fits was too much for Hankyung to understand -- something about overstretching his current mental capacity, causing too many impulses in his brain -- but he at least understand her when she said, "Right now, it's like if you damage any part of your body. Everything is a bit weak, and it's going to take time. Heechul's been drained, I doubt he could lift a balloon right now without somehow suffering a relapse. He's going to be like this for a while, and he needs to be patient and wait for his power to recover."
Patient was not something Heechul did easily, and when Hankyung brought it up, when everyone else was stuck in their afternoon classes -- Hankyung apparently was technically in the hospital ward after his reaction the night before, something he hadn't known until the matron told him off for leaving -- Heechul sighed. "It would be stupid to say that I regret stopping it." There was still something wrong with his voice. It was too quiet, and hoarse. "I mean, it's not like I want those girls to die or anything, but still, it's going to be hard to not use my power."
"You can't -- don't do anything that could--"
"Hankyung. Don't worry. I won't."
"It's just that I can't -- I know what losing you would do to me, Heechul."
"Well, don't think about it." Heechul smiled at him, a genuine smile that made Hankyung swallow. "You keep trying, and I'll do the same."
He could say, because no matter how hard it was going to be to not use his power, Heechul still had a love for being alive, and there was no doubt that the night before had shook him somewhat, though he would never admit it. When the others piled into the room, anxious and worried after a day of only knowing what Sungmin and Siwon had relayed, he tried his best to be his usual self, but he was still weak, still too tired to really be normal. It was something everything noticed, but didn't mention. They all knew Heechul too much to say anything.
"I've been thinking," Kibum said.
"Don't," said Donghae. "Guys don't like clever girls." Kibum flipped him off and continued.
"That light fitting. That was secure. I can't say anything about the holding, but the wire shouldn't have broken like that. Someone would have noticed if the wires had been fraying. It was too clean, too quick."
Eeteuk stared at him thoughtfully. "What are you saying?"
Kibum shrugged. "I'm not saying anything. I'm no engineer or whatever, I don't know these things, but it's just surprising that the other wire broke so easily so suddenly."
"You think it was cut?"
"I think it's a possibility, yes."
Silence greeted his words as they thought about it. The idea planted itself in their mind and refused to die, but they were loath to think that anyone in the school could be so cold and callous to try to kill anyone, particularly just a few random girls. The other option, which they wanted to believe even less, was that the school had somehow been infiltrated.
Heechul left the hospital a few days later, with warnings to not use his powers and to rest whenever he got a headache. They also gave him some pills, which he had to take one of each morning, something that Sungmin wrote down on a post-it and stuck it to the mirror in their washroom in the hope that Heechul would actually remember. Hankyung developed a habit of reminding him every morning before he could eat anyway.
This meant that Kyuhyun was left there by himself for another week before he too was let out, though how much of that was down to his incessant complaining that he was fine so he didn't understand why he was under observation anymore, Hankyung didn't know. Whatever it was, Zhou Mi was glad to have him back, as shown by his refusal to leave him alone, even though it meant he had cold fingers all the time from holding his hand.
"Okay," Eeteuk said, after fixing everyone with a serious look. "If one more of you falls ill or has an incident, I will personally murder you. Do you understand that? The next person to fall ill dies."
"Aye aye, captain," said Eunhyuk, saluting him.
Soon November was drawing to a close, with signs of snow, small smatterings that had Sungmin practically clapping his hands in delight. "I hate snow," Heechul grumbled, lying on a sofa in their common room. Hankyung was sitting on an armchair next to it, a Chinese book that he'd found in the school library open on his knee. "It's cold, pointless, and just turns to mush, which looks disgusting, and then to ice, which tries to kill you."
"Oh my god, you're such a scrooge." Sungmin waved his arms at him. "Why can't you just like winter wonderlands?"
"Because wonderlands suck," Heechul said.
"Did you hear that? It was a tiny part of my soul dying. Did you hear it wail?"
"Not over the sound of my fist impacting with your face."
"Hey, hyung," said Siwon, interrupting the impending argument. "Will you proof-read my essay?"
There was a moment of confusion where no one quite knew which hyung he was referring to, but eventually the paper was handed over to a surprised, but willing, Sungmin. He pulled his feet onto the armchair he was sitting on, lying against the arm, while Siwon sat at the table he'd been writing on, a apprehensive look on his face. There was something about his expression, something about the way he wasn't looking at Sungmin, which made Heechul narrow his eyes at Siwon, and Hankyung watch Sungmin.
This meant that he could see when the expression on Sungmin's face changed, from semi-interested and mostly thoughtful, to confused, to wide-eyed shock. He looked up, saw Hankyung's eyes on him, flushed bright red, looked back down at the paper, and said, in a tight voice, "Siwon, I think you wrote something wrong."
"Which part?" Siwon sounded far too casual.
Sungmin swallowed. "The part where you wrote 'hyung, will you go out with me'?"
The room fell deadly silent.
"No," said Siwon, kind of choked. "No, I meant that bit."
"Oh," said Sungmin. "You meant it?"
"I'm asking you out, hyung. I'm. Asking. You. Out."
Sungmin looked up from the paper and appeared to try to look back at Siwon -- who, Hankyung could see, looked absolutely terrified and also astoundingly vulnerable -- but got distracted by Heechul on the way. Heechul looked like thunder mixed with anticipation. "I--" said Sungmin, staring at Heechul's unreadable expression, and then was beaming at Siwon, saying, "Yeah, of course, I -- yeah. Yeah."
Siwon looked like he couldn't quite believe his ears. "You will? Really?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh my god," muttered Kyuhyun. "I feel like I'm going to snap from the sudden release of all that fucking tension." Heechul rounded on him as best he could from lying on a sofa.
"Shut the hell up, because the fucking delay is all your fault."
"How is this my fault?" Kyuhyun asked, indignant. Zhou Mi laughed behind his hand. Heechul rolled his eyes, and looked back at Siwon smiling cheerfully, and Sungmin blushing.
"Urgh," he said.
***
"If you do not pick something," Heechul said, cross-legged on his bed, "I will dress you myself, and you know what my fashion sense is like."
"No!" Sungmin wailed. "Not clashing colours!"
"Exactly. You're meeting Siwon" -- the way he said his name was like Siwon was his first born son -- "in less than half an hour, so hurry the fuck up and pick something."
"Oh, fine," Sungmin said, pulling a grayish blue shirt from his wardrobe. "You're so pushy, why can't I just be excited? Anyway, you were exactly the same when you were getting ready for your first date with Hankyung."
"What, really?" Hankyung asked.
"No," Heechul told him. "Shut up," he told Sungmin.
"You were all, what should I wear, Sungmin, what should I wear? Does this shirt match my eyes? Will this top set off my hair? I just don't -- yeah, I may be overexaggerating."
"You may be downright lying," Heechul said.
"It's possible," agreed Sungmin, disappearing into the bathroom. Heechul stared at the door for a long moment.
"Wipe that stupid grin off your face because I turn around," he warned. Hankyung pursed his lips but couldn't stop smiling. Heechul pinched his arm, which resulted in Hankyung tickling, which resulted in Hankyung staring down at a breathless Heechul, laid out on the bed, their legs tangled together and lips centimetres apart. There was a moment of tense silence, and then Heechul lifted his head to press their lips together, hooking his fingers in the belt hoops of Hankyung's jeans and yanking his hips down. Hankyung ran his hands through his hair, cupping the back of his head. Neither of them noticed the sound of the bathroom door opening.
"I was only gone for a minute," Sungmin grumbled.
Heechul stuck his middle finger up at him before Hankyung broke the kiss. "Sungmin," he said, struggling upright and pushing Hankyung away. "You know right, that like, Siwon and you, if you--"
"You're rambling," Sungmin said helpfully, fluffing at his hair in the mirror.
"If you hurt him, I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive you."
Sungmin's hand froze, and he turned to stare at Heechul, whose gaze was level as he stared back. "I know, hyung," Sungmin said.
"No, I don't think you do. I have to ask this -- do you like him?"
"Hyung..."
"Tell me."
"Yes," Sungmin said, voice tight. "Yes, I do, but it's hard to admit, not like with Kyuhyun at all. I feel like if I do, if it's as obvious, it'll hurt more. It will hurt more, because Siwon is -- my god, I really like him, and I can't take the same thing happening like it did with Kyuhyun."
"If it's any consolation," Hankyung said, "it's probably not such a problem."
"What do you mean?"
"Siwon likes you," Heechul said with a sigh. "Well, obviously he likes you, since he asked you out, but Siwon has liked you for a long time. So don't -- don't be so tense. Don't ruin this for him."
The first date was taking the form of a movie in one of the common rooms, one of the smaller ones. The door was closed, and Heechul decided that it was time to go bother Zhou Mi for a little while. Zhou Mi was happy to see him. Kyuhyun looked pissed. That was probably because in addition to Hankyung and Heechul appearing at the bedroom that he'd previously been alone in with Zhou Mi, Henry also returned, and then Ryeowook, Yehsung and Donghae joined them. Kyuhyun looked like thunder.
"My hands are cold," Zhou Mi said, nudging Kyuhyun with his shoulder.
"Then stop holding my hand," Kyuhyun said.
"Nope," said Zhou Mi cheerfully, and Kyuhyun's lip twitched before he stopped himself from smiling. "You need to stop worrying," he said, directed to Heechul, who was distracted.
"Stop getting all up in my mind," Heechul demanded.
"It's going to go fine," Zhou Mi said. "It has to go fine, since they like each other!"
"And I suppose you know that because of your mad mind reading skills?"
"Sungmin never stops thinking about him," Zhou Mi said, like it was a giant secret.
Heechul sat up. "Wait, what, really?"
"Yeah, I mean, I don't think he even notices, but he'll -- he'll see Siwon do something and think it's cute, or see something that will remind him of Siwon for no reason that I've been able to think of."
"So you think he likes them more than he liked -- you know?" Kyuhyun was the only person in the room who looked confused by this.
"I think it's a different kind of like. I think he just got used to liking the other person, but I think he's really liked Siwon for a long time."
"Yes!" Heechul was grinning. "This is what I always thought. My god, why am I always correct?"
"Which other person?" Kyuhyun asked stubbornly.
"No one you know," Heechul said breezily.
"Hyung," Ryeowook said quietly. "Are you -- jealous, of Siwon and Sungmin?"
"No," said Heechul sharply. "I'm not, I'm just worried for Siwon. It's not that I don't want him and Sungmin together, since it'll make him happy, and it's not like I really think Sungmin will hurt him, he's too much of a marshmallow to do that, but I can't stop myself from worrying.
"Anyway," Hankyung said, joking, "who could be jealous when you've got me?"
Heechul's smile was too soft for his words. "Yeah, I mean, I have an emo foreigner who can kill me with a touch. What have I got to be jealous of?" He squeezed Hankyung's hand. Since that first time, Heechul hadn't stop holding his. It seemed almost like a compulsion.
Siwon appeared in the room he shared with Hankyung well after eleven, a wide smile on his face even as he apologised to Hankyung for waking him up. If Heechul had been there, he'd have said something about Siwon getting laid, but Hankyung just shielded his eyes from the light and muttered, "Good night?"
"Yes," Siwon said. "Best of my life."
("Why do you look so happy?" Heechul asked suspiciously, as Sungmin practically floated around the room. "What did you do. Tell me you did not. What did you do?"
"He kissed me," Sungmin said dreamily.
"Oh, for fucks sake," Heechul said, and turned over and pulled the covers over his head.)
"What's wrong with him?" Siwon asked, looking on the verge of tears. Hankyung didn't know. He was simply staring in horror, at the whiteness of Heechul's face and the way his fingers kept curling in to dig into his palm. He was beginning to draw blood, he was pressing in so hard. Siwon gave up on trying to hug Heechul to him and instead simply tried to stop him from moving, but he didn't want to press too hard in case he hurt him. Hankyung was too terrified of doing something wrong to even come near. Heechul fell still again, and Siwon lifted him from the bed. "I'm taking him to the hospital wing," he said. "I don't care about waiting for Professor Lee, I'm taking him now."
He had just finished that when there was the sounds of thundering footsteps in the hallway outside, and Hyori threw the door open, Sungmin hot on her heels. She'd simply thrown a thin kimono style dressing gown on over her nightgown, and for the first time Hankyung realised that Sungmin must have simply grabbed a hooded sweatshirt from nearby and pulled that on; he was still wearing boxer shorts and was barefoot. Sungmin looked like he was going to faint. Hankyung's feet were cold, though whether that was because he had no socks on, or being his blood was running cold, he didn't know.
Hyori didn't dare touch Heechul. "Siwon, get him to the hospital wing as quickly as you possibly can. Sungmin, you teleport there and let the matron know. I don't think we have a moment to waste." She was just about to leave the room when she realised that Hankyung wasn't moving. "Hankyung? Aren't you coming?"
"Tell me he'll be okay," Hankyung said, lips numb. "I don't care if it's a lie, I just need you to tell me that he'll be okay. You said he would be, earlier, you said he'll be fine. Tell me that again."
Hyori came forward and brushed the hair from his forehead. It was so like what a mother would do that he flinched away from it. "I can't tell you that, Hankyung, since I don't know. I can't give you false hope."
"You--"
"But," Hyori added, face set, hand on his shoulder, "I can promise you that I will do all I can to make sure that Heechul does not die. I can promise my best, Hankyung, but that's all I can promise."
Her best wasn't really enough for Hankyung, who couldn't relax until he knew exactly what was wrong with Heechul and what they would do to solve it. Maybe this was what Zhou Mi had felt like, when Kyuhyun had fallen ill, but Hankyung could feel himself drawing back from his emotions even as they threatened to consume him. It was a matter of simply distancing himself like he had done for most of his life, and the knowledge was always there, he would always know how he could do it. He would always know that he could. It was too late to stop himself from falling in love with Heechul, he knew that, but maybe he could stop himself from feeling the grief. The death of his sister was still so raw that he didn't think he could take losing Heechul, not how he was right now, weak and pathetic and still broken somehow.
Not for the first time, he cursed ever allowing himself to get so close.
The commotion of them arriving in the hospital wing was enough to wake Kyuhyun, who was disorientated and seemed to think that they were all there to see him. "Guys," he said drowsily, struggling upright. "I'm asleep, couldn't you wait until morning?"
"It's not that, Kyuhyun," said Sungmin, hushing him as Siwon carefully put Heechul down on the bed that the matron was pointing to. As he did so, another fit started up, Heechul's arms shaking his time. There was a flurry of movement as Hyori and the matron tried to stabalise him while simultaneously trying to work out what was wrong. Kyuhyun's eyes went wide.
"What the -- what's wrong?"
"We aren't too sure just yet," said the matron. She had the tone of someone who didn't know what they were doing but were well versed in hiding any panic. "Professor Lee, could you go ring the doctor and ask him to come to the school as quickly as he possibly can?"
"Do you think we should be getting him to hospital?" Hyori said quietly, but not so quietly that they couldn't hear her. The matron gave a tight smile.
"No, we should be fine," she soothed, putting a hand on Hankyung's shoulder. Hankyung wasn't sure why she chose him out of everyone, but then he saw everyone staring at him and realised he was shaking almost as hard as Heechul on the bed. "Come on, son, sit down."
Hankyung let himself be pulled to a chair and forced down into it. Hyori tried to hand him a glass of water, but he didn't notice it until she said his name; he was too busy watching Heechul. When he did take the glass, he was shaking so hard that he dropped it. It smashed on the tiles loudly, shocking Sungmin who yelped and grabbed onto Siwon's arm. Hankyung barely even registered the noise. Someone cleaned up the glass, and someone else coaxed him to open his mouth, so that they could put two pills on his tongue, which he swallowed after another glass of water was held to his mouth. The bed that Heechul was still jerking on went fuzzy.
When he woke up, there was light, the early morning kind, streaming in through the windows, marred by a fog that was setting in. He sat up, confused as to where he was, before realising that he was in the hospital wing. Heechul was lying in a bed a couple down from him, hooked up to a machine which was beeping softly and steadily. He seemed to be sleeping. A quiet, rather sleepy, "Hey," had him turning to see Kyuhyun also awake, and sitting up.
"What happened?" asked Hankyung, confused. "I don't remember--"
"Sleeping pills," Kyuhyun said. "You were freaking out, they figured it was better to simply sedate you because they couldn't spare the time to calm you down."
"But I was fine," Hankyung protested. "I wasn't even--"
"Major freaking out, hyung. You looked like you were having a fit yourself, I couldn't work out which was more scary." That reminded Hankyung. He got off his bed and slowly made his way to Heechul's. "He's been like that for most of the time you were out," Kyuhyun said conversationally. "It didn't take too long for the doctor to stop the fits, I have no idea how, but he hasn't moved since then."
Hankyung's hand was paused over Heechul's arm. He could see his chest rising and falling with each breath, but couldn't bring himself to touch him. After a minute, he merely pulled a chair up to the bed and sat there. Kyuhyun was looking at him knowingly. "Where did Siwon and Sungmin go?" Hankyung asked.
"Back to bed, I guess. Hyori pretty much had to threaten to expel Siwon if he didn't go back to his room, he didn't want to leave either of you."
Hankyung lay his hand right next to Heechul's on the bed, but still didn't touch it. "You look like you haven't had any sleep," he told Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun shrugged. "You and Heechul are probably the only ones who did."
"You should sleep," Hankyung said quietly, and within five minutes, Kyuhyun was fast asleep. The pills that they'd given Hankyung clearly hadn't worn off yet since he could feel his eyelids drooping, and the next thing he knew, his head was resting on the bed, Heechul's fingers were curled around his, and he was having an argument with Kyuhyun about the best way to kill some alien life form in a video game that Hankyung knew nothing about. For a long time, Hankyung simply let his head lay there, staring at their hands, and then he sat up, because it was killing his back.
"Well hi there, sleeping beauty," Heechul said. There was something not quite right with his voice, or the tentative way he turned his head, or the way he smiled at Hankyung. It was all too brittle, too fragile. "Finally woken up, huh?"
"You --" Hankyung stopped, swallowed tears, then changed the subject. "Yeah well, you were being so loud."
"Your snoring woke me up," Heechul said, rolling his eyes. "And no, Kyuhyun, that's just a dumb idea and you shouldn't do it that way at all."
"What do you know?" Kyuhyun said. "Are you sure those fits didn't damage your brain?"
"Oh, as opposed to you, who was born stupid?"
"Oh whatever, hyung."
Heechul slumped back on his bed, closing his eyes and going limp for a moment. Hankyung's hand convulsed around his. "Heechul," he said.
"Hyung?" Kyuhyun suddenly looked worried. "Hyung, I was just joking about the fits."
"Oh, shut up," Heechul mumbled. "I'm fine, stop treating me like glass."
"Did they tell you what caused the fits?"
"Yeah, but you'll have to ask Hyori. It was way too complicated for me."
Hankyung sought Hyori out after Heechul had fallen asleep again. She was in her office, marking assignments and looking like she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep. Like Heechul, the cause of the fits was too much for Hankyung to understand -- something about overstretching his current mental capacity, causing too many impulses in his brain -- but he at least understand her when she said, "Right now, it's like if you damage any part of your body. Everything is a bit weak, and it's going to take time. Heechul's been drained, I doubt he could lift a balloon right now without somehow suffering a relapse. He's going to be like this for a while, and he needs to be patient and wait for his power to recover."
Patient was not something Heechul did easily, and when Hankyung brought it up, when everyone else was stuck in their afternoon classes -- Hankyung apparently was technically in the hospital ward after his reaction the night before, something he hadn't known until the matron told him off for leaving -- Heechul sighed. "It would be stupid to say that I regret stopping it." There was still something wrong with his voice. It was too quiet, and hoarse. "I mean, it's not like I want those girls to die or anything, but still, it's going to be hard to not use my power."
"You can't -- don't do anything that could--"
"Hankyung. Don't worry. I won't."
"It's just that I can't -- I know what losing you would do to me, Heechul."
"Well, don't think about it." Heechul smiled at him, a genuine smile that made Hankyung swallow. "You keep trying, and I'll do the same."
He could say, because no matter how hard it was going to be to not use his power, Heechul still had a love for being alive, and there was no doubt that the night before had shook him somewhat, though he would never admit it. When the others piled into the room, anxious and worried after a day of only knowing what Sungmin and Siwon had relayed, he tried his best to be his usual self, but he was still weak, still too tired to really be normal. It was something everything noticed, but didn't mention. They all knew Heechul too much to say anything.
"I've been thinking," Kibum said.
"Don't," said Donghae. "Guys don't like clever girls." Kibum flipped him off and continued.
"That light fitting. That was secure. I can't say anything about the holding, but the wire shouldn't have broken like that. Someone would have noticed if the wires had been fraying. It was too clean, too quick."
Eeteuk stared at him thoughtfully. "What are you saying?"
Kibum shrugged. "I'm not saying anything. I'm no engineer or whatever, I don't know these things, but it's just surprising that the other wire broke so easily so suddenly."
"You think it was cut?"
"I think it's a possibility, yes."
Silence greeted his words as they thought about it. The idea planted itself in their mind and refused to die, but they were loath to think that anyone in the school could be so cold and callous to try to kill anyone, particularly just a few random girls. The other option, which they wanted to believe even less, was that the school had somehow been infiltrated.
Heechul left the hospital a few days later, with warnings to not use his powers and to rest whenever he got a headache. They also gave him some pills, which he had to take one of each morning, something that Sungmin wrote down on a post-it and stuck it to the mirror in their washroom in the hope that Heechul would actually remember. Hankyung developed a habit of reminding him every morning before he could eat anyway.
This meant that Kyuhyun was left there by himself for another week before he too was let out, though how much of that was down to his incessant complaining that he was fine so he didn't understand why he was under observation anymore, Hankyung didn't know. Whatever it was, Zhou Mi was glad to have him back, as shown by his refusal to leave him alone, even though it meant he had cold fingers all the time from holding his hand.
"Okay," Eeteuk said, after fixing everyone with a serious look. "If one more of you falls ill or has an incident, I will personally murder you. Do you understand that? The next person to fall ill dies."
"Aye aye, captain," said Eunhyuk, saluting him.
Soon November was drawing to a close, with signs of snow, small smatterings that had Sungmin practically clapping his hands in delight. "I hate snow," Heechul grumbled, lying on a sofa in their common room. Hankyung was sitting on an armchair next to it, a Chinese book that he'd found in the school library open on his knee. "It's cold, pointless, and just turns to mush, which looks disgusting, and then to ice, which tries to kill you."
"Oh my god, you're such a scrooge." Sungmin waved his arms at him. "Why can't you just like winter wonderlands?"
"Because wonderlands suck," Heechul said.
"Did you hear that? It was a tiny part of my soul dying. Did you hear it wail?"
"Not over the sound of my fist impacting with your face."
"Hey, hyung," said Siwon, interrupting the impending argument. "Will you proof-read my essay?"
There was a moment of confusion where no one quite knew which hyung he was referring to, but eventually the paper was handed over to a surprised, but willing, Sungmin. He pulled his feet onto the armchair he was sitting on, lying against the arm, while Siwon sat at the table he'd been writing on, a apprehensive look on his face. There was something about his expression, something about the way he wasn't looking at Sungmin, which made Heechul narrow his eyes at Siwon, and Hankyung watch Sungmin.
This meant that he could see when the expression on Sungmin's face changed, from semi-interested and mostly thoughtful, to confused, to wide-eyed shock. He looked up, saw Hankyung's eyes on him, flushed bright red, looked back down at the paper, and said, in a tight voice, "Siwon, I think you wrote something wrong."
"Which part?" Siwon sounded far too casual.
Sungmin swallowed. "The part where you wrote 'hyung, will you go out with me'?"
The room fell deadly silent.
"No," said Siwon, kind of choked. "No, I meant that bit."
"Oh," said Sungmin. "You meant it?"
"I'm asking you out, hyung. I'm. Asking. You. Out."
Sungmin looked up from the paper and appeared to try to look back at Siwon -- who, Hankyung could see, looked absolutely terrified and also astoundingly vulnerable -- but got distracted by Heechul on the way. Heechul looked like thunder mixed with anticipation. "I--" said Sungmin, staring at Heechul's unreadable expression, and then was beaming at Siwon, saying, "Yeah, of course, I -- yeah. Yeah."
Siwon looked like he couldn't quite believe his ears. "You will? Really?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh my god," muttered Kyuhyun. "I feel like I'm going to snap from the sudden release of all that fucking tension." Heechul rounded on him as best he could from lying on a sofa.
"Shut the hell up, because the fucking delay is all your fault."
"How is this my fault?" Kyuhyun asked, indignant. Zhou Mi laughed behind his hand. Heechul rolled his eyes, and looked back at Siwon smiling cheerfully, and Sungmin blushing.
"Urgh," he said.
"If you do not pick something," Heechul said, cross-legged on his bed, "I will dress you myself, and you know what my fashion sense is like."
"No!" Sungmin wailed. "Not clashing colours!"
"Exactly. You're meeting Siwon" -- the way he said his name was like Siwon was his first born son -- "in less than half an hour, so hurry the fuck up and pick something."
"Oh, fine," Sungmin said, pulling a grayish blue shirt from his wardrobe. "You're so pushy, why can't I just be excited? Anyway, you were exactly the same when you were getting ready for your first date with Hankyung."
"What, really?" Hankyung asked.
"No," Heechul told him. "Shut up," he told Sungmin.
"You were all, what should I wear, Sungmin, what should I wear? Does this shirt match my eyes? Will this top set off my hair? I just don't -- yeah, I may be overexaggerating."
"You may be downright lying," Heechul said.
"It's possible," agreed Sungmin, disappearing into the bathroom. Heechul stared at the door for a long moment.
"Wipe that stupid grin off your face because I turn around," he warned. Hankyung pursed his lips but couldn't stop smiling. Heechul pinched his arm, which resulted in Hankyung tickling, which resulted in Hankyung staring down at a breathless Heechul, laid out on the bed, their legs tangled together and lips centimetres apart. There was a moment of tense silence, and then Heechul lifted his head to press their lips together, hooking his fingers in the belt hoops of Hankyung's jeans and yanking his hips down. Hankyung ran his hands through his hair, cupping the back of his head. Neither of them noticed the sound of the bathroom door opening.
"I was only gone for a minute," Sungmin grumbled.
Heechul stuck his middle finger up at him before Hankyung broke the kiss. "Sungmin," he said, struggling upright and pushing Hankyung away. "You know right, that like, Siwon and you, if you--"
"You're rambling," Sungmin said helpfully, fluffing at his hair in the mirror.
"If you hurt him, I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive you."
Sungmin's hand froze, and he turned to stare at Heechul, whose gaze was level as he stared back. "I know, hyung," Sungmin said.
"No, I don't think you do. I have to ask this -- do you like him?"
"Hyung..."
"Tell me."
"Yes," Sungmin said, voice tight. "Yes, I do, but it's hard to admit, not like with Kyuhyun at all. I feel like if I do, if it's as obvious, it'll hurt more. It will hurt more, because Siwon is -- my god, I really like him, and I can't take the same thing happening like it did with Kyuhyun."
"If it's any consolation," Hankyung said, "it's probably not such a problem."
"What do you mean?"
"Siwon likes you," Heechul said with a sigh. "Well, obviously he likes you, since he asked you out, but Siwon has liked you for a long time. So don't -- don't be so tense. Don't ruin this for him."
The first date was taking the form of a movie in one of the common rooms, one of the smaller ones. The door was closed, and Heechul decided that it was time to go bother Zhou Mi for a little while. Zhou Mi was happy to see him. Kyuhyun looked pissed. That was probably because in addition to Hankyung and Heechul appearing at the bedroom that he'd previously been alone in with Zhou Mi, Henry also returned, and then Ryeowook, Yehsung and Donghae joined them. Kyuhyun looked like thunder.
"My hands are cold," Zhou Mi said, nudging Kyuhyun with his shoulder.
"Then stop holding my hand," Kyuhyun said.
"Nope," said Zhou Mi cheerfully, and Kyuhyun's lip twitched before he stopped himself from smiling. "You need to stop worrying," he said, directed to Heechul, who was distracted.
"Stop getting all up in my mind," Heechul demanded.
"It's going to go fine," Zhou Mi said. "It has to go fine, since they like each other!"
"And I suppose you know that because of your mad mind reading skills?"
"Sungmin never stops thinking about him," Zhou Mi said, like it was a giant secret.
Heechul sat up. "Wait, what, really?"
"Yeah, I mean, I don't think he even notices, but he'll -- he'll see Siwon do something and think it's cute, or see something that will remind him of Siwon for no reason that I've been able to think of."
"So you think he likes them more than he liked -- you know?" Kyuhyun was the only person in the room who looked confused by this.
"I think it's a different kind of like. I think he just got used to liking the other person, but I think he's really liked Siwon for a long time."
"Yes!" Heechul was grinning. "This is what I always thought. My god, why am I always correct?"
"Which other person?" Kyuhyun asked stubbornly.
"No one you know," Heechul said breezily.
"Hyung," Ryeowook said quietly. "Are you -- jealous, of Siwon and Sungmin?"
"No," said Heechul sharply. "I'm not, I'm just worried for Siwon. It's not that I don't want him and Sungmin together, since it'll make him happy, and it's not like I really think Sungmin will hurt him, he's too much of a marshmallow to do that, but I can't stop myself from worrying.
"Anyway," Hankyung said, joking, "who could be jealous when you've got me?"
Heechul's smile was too soft for his words. "Yeah, I mean, I have an emo foreigner who can kill me with a touch. What have I got to be jealous of?" He squeezed Hankyung's hand. Since that first time, Heechul hadn't stop holding his. It seemed almost like a compulsion.
Siwon appeared in the room he shared with Hankyung well after eleven, a wide smile on his face even as he apologised to Hankyung for waking him up. If Heechul had been there, he'd have said something about Siwon getting laid, but Hankyung just shielded his eyes from the light and muttered, "Good night?"
"Yes," Siwon said. "Best of my life."
("Why do you look so happy?" Heechul asked suspiciously, as Sungmin practically floated around the room. "What did you do. Tell me you did not. What did you do?"
"He kissed me," Sungmin said dreamily.
"Oh, for fucks sake," Heechul said, and turned over and pulled the covers over his head.)
..........................................................
A week later, Heechul was beginning to get tired of his own best friend. It wasn't that he disliked that Siwon finally had the relationship that he wanted -- as he told Hankyung, sounding like he was protesting when in fact Hankyung hadn't said a word on the subject -- it was simply that Siwon would insist on rubbing everyone's face in it. Hankyung had never met someone so unlikely to rub anyone's face in anything than Siwon, and Siwon was doing nothing of the kind, apart from being a little happier than normal, so he kind of thought Heechul was just being awkward.
Therefore, Hankyung was both surprised and a little peeved when Heechul accused him one morning of acting strangely. Heechul had spent the last week glaring at Sungmin and watching his every move, as if by asking Eunhyuk to pass the salt at dinner time would somehow cause Siwon heartache, but now he was accusing Hankyung of acting oddly, when all Hankyung had done was be a little quiet in the two minutes since Heechul and Sungmin had appeared to walk down to breakfast with them? It was highly unfair, and Hankyung told him so.
Heechul shrugged, opening his mouth to comment on something, when Sungmin giggled. Something in Heechul's face twitched and he practically snarled. "Now dear," Hankyung said, laying his hand on Heechul's arm. "You had to let him go at some point, and he's happy enough."
"Happy enough isn't good enough," Heechul snapped. "And did you just call me dear? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I figured that if I was going to act like your long suffering husband, then I should at least get into role."
"You might want to try acting like a corpse, since you're soon going to be dead."
Hankyung ruffled his hair, elicting a series of half-hearted blows against his shoulder. Heechul's single hair out of place distracted him enough to stop him from continuing with his apparent quest to find out exactly why Hankyung was being a little quieter than usual. Heechul's problem, Hankyung thought, watching as Heechul tried to use his mobile phone screen as a mirror, was that he took Hankyung's silences far too seriously.
Still, at the end of breakfast, even Eeteuk quietly took his arm and pulled him to the side, asking to talk to him. Hankyung went, since he could see that Zhou Mi was lurking and he knew that he would be able to wave Eeteuk off a lot more easily than Zhou Mi, since Zhou Mi would be able to look through any lies that Hankyung tried to feed him, and Zhou Mi probably wouldn't be distracted by a stray hair, like Heechul.
Eeteuk, however, seemed to know exactly why Hankyung was quiet. Once he had closed the door on his study, a room about half the size of one of the bedrooms, with a handsome desk overladen with books and pieces of paper, he turned to Hankyung, invited him to take a seat, and said, "Hankyung, Hyori told me what day it is."
Hankyung's first reaction was one of anger; Hyori had no right to be talking about Hankyung's private life to other people. Then he realised that Hyori would have just been worried about him and felt a little sad. "If it's okay, hyung, I'd rather not talk about it," he said, quietly but firmly enough that Eeteuk just dismissed him. Fair of him, Hankyung thought, and he was far more happy to think kindly on Eeteuk later on, compared to Heechul, who had suddenly remembered that Hankyung was acting strangely and wanted to know why immediately. Zhou Mi, Hankyung could at least avoid, but avoiding Heechul was hard without acting even stranger.
"So," Heechul started, as soon as the teacher had left the classroom after the bell for lunch hour had rang. Hankyung was packing his stuff up. "Are you going to tell me now why you're being so weird?"
"I'm not being weird," Hankyung said mildly, hauling his bag over his shoulder. The strap was beginning to snap, but he had no idea how he was going to get a new one. His parents had happily paid for the things he currently owned on the basis that he was leaving them, but he didn't know if he'd be able to push them for more money. He wasn't even sure he'd be able to get hold of them on the phone.
Heechul began listing all the things that Hankyung was doing that showed that he was acting weird. He finished off with, "And you're not even glaring at me when I'm listing all your faults."
Hankyung shook himself out of his thoughts about how he was going to replace his bag, and get a new pair of jeans since the one pair he owned were fraying at the knees, to find that they were on the outside steps leading down into the lawn. He was so shocked to find himself there that he almost fell down the rest of the way. Sungmin and Donghae, who had joined them at some point, had also joined the others in looking at Hankyung like he was some sort of alien.
"Sorry," Hankyung said, waving a hand in dismissal. "I wasn't even listening."
Heechul narrowed his eyes at him. "That's what I was afraid of."
"Sorry," repeated Hankyung.
"You've been quiet all day," Donghae said, and Hankyung could see Eeteuk watching him, and kind of thought that Eeteuk was going to say something.
"I'm tired," he said quickly. "Bad night. It's freezing in that room."
"Really?" Heechul didn't believe him. "It's perfectly fine in my room, isn't it, Sungmin?"
"It's warm enough," Sungmin said with a shrug, not too sure why the conversation had taken this turn. "It is an old building though."
"Maybe I just feel the cold," Hankyung said. He certainly was right that second, his fingers like ice in the cold weather.
"You never have done before," Heechul said, persisting. Hankyung was beginning to get irritated. Luckily, a distraction appeared in the form of the first years, as Siwon caught Sungmin in a giant bear hug for a second before Sungmin teleported out of his arms and about a metre to the left, wincing and rubbing at his shoulders.
"Siwon," he said severely. "I told you -- gentle."
"Well," said Heechul, cocking an eyebrow.
"Sorry, hyung," Siwon said, hovering nervously. "I forgot."
"That's okay," Sungmin said with a smile, slipping a hand, gloved, into Siwon's. Heechul had forgotten his own gloves; his fingers were practically blue. Hankyung couldn't even use the body heat from his own hands to warm him up. He was, by the time they got into the dining hall, downright miserable -- and it wasn't helped by the revelation that it was apparently some girl's birthday.
"My year," Sungmin explained, peeling his gloves off. "Her friends have been all excited about it, apparently her parents are sending her a cake covered in pink frosting." His face went a bit wistful. "I'd like some."
Hankyung was watching the impromptu party. The birthday girl wasn't hard to pick out, she had a giant badge pinned to her school sweatshirt proclaiming that she was seventeen that day. She also had the widest smile out of all the girls, was laughing the hardest, looked almost radiant. That night she'd be able to come home from classes and sit down to a birthday cake sent with love from her parents. It was like looking at a future that could have been. He had to look away, sickened.
He picked at his food, distracted by the happy sounds coming from the group at the other side of the hall. He was no longer hungry, every mouthful like dust in his mouth. "Maybe you should have a nap after control class," Heechul muttered. He didn't believe him about being tired, not really, Hankyung knew, but Hankyung didn't answer, didn't say a word. He didn't feel like it.
Suddenly Zhou Mi put his hand to his head, cringing with his eyes closed. Kyuhyun lay a hand on the back of his neck, which seemed to shock Zhou Mi right out of whatever was happening. "Your hand is cold, Kui Xian!" he yelped.
Kyuhyun wiggled his fingers in front of his face. He wasn't even wearing a coat that day. Apparently having a lower body temperature meant that he also had a higher tolerance for cold weather. "What's up?" he asked, starting on the jam sponge he'd taken for dessert.
"I don't know," Zhou Mi said. "Suddenly my head hurt. There was a lot of shouting." His voice dropped. "Pain. There was a lot of pain."
Before anyone could remark on that, there was a chorus of Happy Birthday from the other end of the hall. "That reminds me," Ryeowook said. "Hankyung, when is your birthday?"
Hankyung looked up, blinking. "My birthday?"
"Yeah.".
"You know," Yehsung cut in. "That day on which you were born."
"Uh," Hankyung said. "February, sometime. I think."
"You...think?" Shindong asked, looking like he almost wanted to laugh. Heechul's hand had touched Hankyung's wrist. He was looking a little worried, like something odd was happening.
"I'm not sure," Hankyung said. "Why?"
"Well, we need to celebrate it."
"We do?" Hankyung was confused. "But I haven't celebrated my birthday since I was nine."
"So you don't even know when it is?" Zhou Mi sounded horrified at the prospect.
"I remember that I used to get something in February, but I couldn't tell you the exact date." He shrugged, then added wrly, "It's not like my coming into his world is anything to celebrate."
There was silence at that, frosty on Heechul's part. "You know," he said, voice dangerous, eyes like flint. "I really hate it when you say things like that."
"Sorry," Hankyung said, laying his chopsticks down. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that -- that girl over there, she's excited for something that her parents are sending her. My parents would prefer to believe that I didn't exist, so why would I get excited about my birthday?"
"Bah, humbug," Heechul said. He poked Hankyung in the side. "What do you think about Christmas, then?"
"What's Christmas?" Hankyung asked curiously. There was a long, long silence.
"How can you live without Santa?" Yehsung asked.
"Um." Ryeowook exchanged looks with Heechul. "Hyung, Santa isn't actually real?"
Yehsung stared at him, lips twitching. "I...knew that, Ryeowook."
"Oh," Ryeowook said, blushing. Yehsung grinned and flicked his forehead.
"How can you not know what Christmas is?" Shindong asked, looking and sounding horrified. Quite a few of the other people at the table looked the same.
"Chinese people don't celebrate Christmas," Zhou Mi pointed out.
"Whatever," Heechul said. "You still know what it is."
Well, Hankyung thought, as Christmas was explained to him, you learn something new every day. Unfortunately, he was still confused about the whole thing even after control lessons, and quizzed Heechul about it all the way back up to the dorm building. "Wait," he was saying as they entered the doors. "So they followed a star?" Heechul rounded on him.
"Look, I don't believe it either, okay? It's a load of religious bullshit if you ask me. If you want to know more about that side of things, go ask Siwon, since he knows all about it. Christmas for me is just about spending time with my family and getting presents."
Hankyung, though relieved that Heechul also thought the story seemed a bit suspect, nevertheless said cautiously, "About this gift thing--"
"You can't even afford to buy yourself a new school bag," Heechul said, reaching out and pulling on the strap over Hankyung's shoulder. "So I don't expect you to get me something for Christmas."
Hankyung, blushing madly, shied away from him. "I just need to get some money from my parents," he muttered.
"Whatever, I've got a spare one you can have." There was a pause. "If you want it."
Hankyung was silent for a long time, torn between swallowing his pride and accepting the charity, or refusing and having to call his parents to beg some money off him. In the end, it was far easier to just say "yeah, thanks," than have to make his way to the phones and dial that number to China. Heechul acted like it was nothing anyway.
Hankyung spent five minutes talking to Siwon about the religious side to Christmas before he burst into laughter. Siwon looked hurt. Sungmin looked a little upset, too. In fact, most of them looked at him like he'd just stood on a puppy. Heechul, on the other hand, looked so proud he could burst. "Aha!" he said, clinging around Hankyung's neck. "You can't brainwash my boyfriend, can they, Hankyung?"
"I don't think it's that they can't brainwash me so much as it all just seems a little ridiculous." Hankyung pulled Heechul across and into his lap. "A virgin giving birth to a baby? Now that's just silly."
"She was carrying the child of God!" Siwon said earnestly. "She was pure and chaste and that's why he chose her."
"Sounds to me like she was just scared of admiting she was having a child out of wedlock," Hankyung said.
"Sounds to me like the whole book is a load of rubbish," Heechul said, a little snidely. Siwon looked devasted.
"But hyung," he said to Hankyung, apparently having given up on Heechul some years earlier, "having religion and faith in your life is important!"
"Why?" Hankyung asked, non-plussed.
"It teaches you right from wrong, and gives you something to turn to when things go bad."
"Siwon, I'm not religious and even I know the difference between right and wrong." Heechul paused, then smirked. "Of course, I don't always follow what I know is right and wrong..."
"And I highly doubt that having some made up figure that I could talk to would have helped me when things went bad," Hankyung said.
Eventually the conversation turned away from religion as other people became bored and turned the television on to watch some quiz show. Siwon, who looked like he wanted to continue the conversation, was soon drawn into screaming out the answers at the television like everyone else. Siwon wasn't too bad, and Donghae knew a surprising number of the answers. Kibum sat next to Donghae on the sofa, legs pulled up, reading a book, and quietly saying each correct answer before the question had even fully finished.
Heechul, still curled into Hankyung's lap, could probably feel the way Hankyung was holding him tightly. He tipped his head back so he could speak into Hankyung's ear. "What's up? You havebeen acting strangely all day, despite all the excuses you've been giving."
"I'm fine," Hankyung said, shifting Heechul so he could wrap an arm around his waist. Heechul wriggled until he was comfortable.
"You keep saying odd things. Things like what you used to say, back when you first arrived. I don't like those things, Hankyung."
"Maybe later," Hankyung said, against the hair above Heechul's ear. "Maybe I'll tell you later."
Heechul put his fingers to his chin, tipped his head back to kiss him softly. "Tell me now."
The television show had finished, replaced by the news. The first story was about an attack, somewhere in the South of the country. Everyone fell silent at the word mutant.
"-- This support group for mutants meets every Tuesday at midday, where mutants can simply talk and get advice. For many people, living out of cities, even just knowing that other mutants exist is enough. However, the center where the group meets is today a scene of carnage. According to eyewitnesses, not long after the meeting had started, masked gunmen broke into the center and opened fire on all who were there, paying no heed to that many of the women present had young children with them. There have been four confirmed casualties, including one teenage girl--"
"Oh, you've got to be fucking with me," Kangin spat.
"--and at least ten critical injuries. The men responsible for the attack escaped before the police could arrive, but those who have survived the savage attack claim that the men were all wearing clothes labelled with the sign of the True Gene group, an anti-mutant organization. The group was previously recognised as a political party until a year ago, when their leader was arrested for hate crimes against mutants. The group was supposedly responsible for the death of teenager Lee Taekyul back in October."
"That's what I felt!" Zhou Mi was looking astonished. "Remember, at midday? I felt pain, inside my head. That's what I felt. It's calling to me."
Henry had his eyes closed and his eyes blocked, head bowed, as Donghae tried to comfort him, tried to do something to cheer him up and stopping him from feeling the emotions of the people on the screen. Unfortunately, Henry looked up just in time to see a woman sobbing as a body was wheeled away; he burst into tears himself. "It hurts," he sobbed.
"Donghae, get Henry out of here," Eeteuk said sharply. "And Kangin, switch that television off."
"Avoiding it isn't going to make it disappear," Kangin said, and changed the channel as a compromise. Donghae, about to help Henry out of the room, was immediately distracted by Spongebob Squarepants and pulled Henry back down, telling Eeteuk that cartoons were the best thing for depression. Hankyung wasn't too sure. He didn't have a clue what was going on, except that they seemed to be celebrating a fucking birthday.
"I can't get away from them," he said, and suddenly he just knew that he was going to cry at some point soon, and that he didn't want to be in that room when he did. He bowed his head, said, "Heechul, I need to go to the bathroom," and once Heechul was sitting on the sofa by himself, he left the room quickly, without looking back.
The bathroom at the end of the corridor was deserted, which was just as well since he broke down before he could get into a cubicle. He clutched the edge of the sink, head fallen forward so that his tears could drip from his cheeks into the bowl. His knuckles were white with his grip. His breathing came short, heart hammering, eyes raw. He was so consumed that he didn't hear anyone come in, and almost jumped out of his skin when a tissue dabbed at his cheeks.
"I knew there was something wrong," Heechul said, probably not wanting to sound like he was being triumphant, but sounding a little smug anyway. "Come on, tell me."
"It's her birthday," Hankyung sobbed.
"Whose? Is this something to do with your sister?" Hankyung continued to sob. Heechul lay a hand on his arm. "Hankyung, calm down, or else I'll have to slap you."
It wasn't until they were in one of the smaller rooms, Heechul staring at Hankyung from the other side of a couch, legs crossed, that Hankyung managed to say coherently, "It's my sister's birthday today. Or, at least, it would be, if I hadn't killed her."
"You--" Heechul fell silent, clearly unable to think of how to react to that. Hankyung, at any other time, would have been amused at Heechul being speechless.
"Four years old," Hankyung said in a musing tone. "They'd have strung pink streamers up around the house. When I left my room to go to the bathroom, I'd no doubt walk into one of them because I wasn't aware they'd been put up. She'd laugh at me, and I'd -- I'd be normal, just for a few minutes, I could pretend to be normal, until my mother told her that she wasn't supposed to disturb me and I was sent back to my room. There'd be cake and food and happiness. There'd be screaming from downstairs, child-like, her little friends running around having fun. I'd sit in my room and listen to it all."
"They'd have a party?"
"Of course they'd have a party, they'd want to celebrate! The normal child, their little princess -- but I can't blame them for celebrating her, I loved her too--" His voice broke. Heechul went for his hand, and Hankyung avoided it, so frowning, Heechul took his wrist instead. "20th November. It's ingrained right on in there, right in my brain. Her birthday. The day to celebrate. The day they'll never, ever forget. Whereas I can't even remember my own birthday!"
"Hankyung..." Heechul practically crawled on top of him, though quite how that was supposed to comfort Hankyung, Hankyung didn't know. "The school will know. We can ask someone."
"It's February sometime," Hankyung said with a shrug. "I don't care about my birthday, Heechul, I don't want to celebrate the day of my birth. It's the unfairness that really gets me."
"I want to celebrate the day of your birth," Heechul said fiercely. "The others want to celebrate the day of your birth."
"It's nothing to get excited about."
"It is. And we're going to find out when it is and there'll be a party or something."
"Heechul, I don't like parties."
"Well, Ryeowook will make you a cake, in any rate."
"Cake sounds good," Hankyung admitted grudgingly.
"Great!" Heechul clambered back out of his lap and got to his feet. "Can we go and get some right now?"
"Nice segue." Hankyung let Heechul pull him up, wiping at his eyes with his thumb. "How do I look?"
"Like you've been sobbing hysterically," Heechul said cheerfully.
"Wonderful, that'll do."
They were the only two in the kitchens; Kibum and Donghae were getting something, Donghae perched on a counter, swinging his legs, as Kibum stuck his head into one of the large fridges. "Hey guys," Donghae chirped happily, then looked like he was going to say something about Hankyung's eyes -- he was looking closely at them -- but he was interrupted by Kibum coming back out triumphantly holding a selection of pre-cooked meats. "Yes!" Donghae cheered, and hopped off the counter he was perched on in order to run around and grab some bread buns. He caught the packets that Kibum tossed to him.
"Guys, dinner will be in less than an hour, why are you making sandwiches?" Heechul asked over his shoulder as he opened the fridges one after another. Donghae was pulling meat from packaging and Kibum was getting sauces.
"Hungry," Donghae said with a shrug. "Why are you -- doing whatever you're doing?"
"We just felt like cake," Heechul said.
"There isn't any," Kibum said. "We were going to have cake but there's none left."
"What, none?"
"Nope."
"Damn it!"
"So we're having sandwiches," Donghae said cheerfully. "Want one?"
He was currently piling chopped jalapenos onto some chicken slices. "No thanks," Heechul said. Hankyung turned away, feeling a little sick. Kibum was chopping up cucumber. Whatever he was making, it seemed like it was going to be a lot more interesting than Donghae's concoction. Heechul was bent into one of the freezers now. "We could probably get some of that second year's cake," he said. "Guess we'll just have to have ice cream for now."
"I'm not bothered so much anymore," Hankyung said. Cue three people looking at him like he was crazy. He shrugged. "My sweet tooth isn't as developed as yours."
"That cake would have been wasted on you anyway," Heechul said, slamming the freezer shut, a tub of strawberry ice-cream clutched in his arms. He poked Hankyung with a spoon as he went past, smiling at him. Hankyung smiled back.
Therefore, Hankyung was both surprised and a little peeved when Heechul accused him one morning of acting strangely. Heechul had spent the last week glaring at Sungmin and watching his every move, as if by asking Eunhyuk to pass the salt at dinner time would somehow cause Siwon heartache, but now he was accusing Hankyung of acting oddly, when all Hankyung had done was be a little quiet in the two minutes since Heechul and Sungmin had appeared to walk down to breakfast with them? It was highly unfair, and Hankyung told him so.
Heechul shrugged, opening his mouth to comment on something, when Sungmin giggled. Something in Heechul's face twitched and he practically snarled. "Now dear," Hankyung said, laying his hand on Heechul's arm. "You had to let him go at some point, and he's happy enough."
"Happy enough isn't good enough," Heechul snapped. "And did you just call me dear? What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I figured that if I was going to act like your long suffering husband, then I should at least get into role."
"You might want to try acting like a corpse, since you're soon going to be dead."
Hankyung ruffled his hair, elicting a series of half-hearted blows against his shoulder. Heechul's single hair out of place distracted him enough to stop him from continuing with his apparent quest to find out exactly why Hankyung was being a little quieter than usual. Heechul's problem, Hankyung thought, watching as Heechul tried to use his mobile phone screen as a mirror, was that he took Hankyung's silences far too seriously.
Still, at the end of breakfast, even Eeteuk quietly took his arm and pulled him to the side, asking to talk to him. Hankyung went, since he could see that Zhou Mi was lurking and he knew that he would be able to wave Eeteuk off a lot more easily than Zhou Mi, since Zhou Mi would be able to look through any lies that Hankyung tried to feed him, and Zhou Mi probably wouldn't be distracted by a stray hair, like Heechul.
Eeteuk, however, seemed to know exactly why Hankyung was quiet. Once he had closed the door on his study, a room about half the size of one of the bedrooms, with a handsome desk overladen with books and pieces of paper, he turned to Hankyung, invited him to take a seat, and said, "Hankyung, Hyori told me what day it is."
Hankyung's first reaction was one of anger; Hyori had no right to be talking about Hankyung's private life to other people. Then he realised that Hyori would have just been worried about him and felt a little sad. "If it's okay, hyung, I'd rather not talk about it," he said, quietly but firmly enough that Eeteuk just dismissed him. Fair of him, Hankyung thought, and he was far more happy to think kindly on Eeteuk later on, compared to Heechul, who had suddenly remembered that Hankyung was acting strangely and wanted to know why immediately. Zhou Mi, Hankyung could at least avoid, but avoiding Heechul was hard without acting even stranger.
"So," Heechul started, as soon as the teacher had left the classroom after the bell for lunch hour had rang. Hankyung was packing his stuff up. "Are you going to tell me now why you're being so weird?"
"I'm not being weird," Hankyung said mildly, hauling his bag over his shoulder. The strap was beginning to snap, but he had no idea how he was going to get a new one. His parents had happily paid for the things he currently owned on the basis that he was leaving them, but he didn't know if he'd be able to push them for more money. He wasn't even sure he'd be able to get hold of them on the phone.
Heechul began listing all the things that Hankyung was doing that showed that he was acting weird. He finished off with, "And you're not even glaring at me when I'm listing all your faults."
Hankyung shook himself out of his thoughts about how he was going to replace his bag, and get a new pair of jeans since the one pair he owned were fraying at the knees, to find that they were on the outside steps leading down into the lawn. He was so shocked to find himself there that he almost fell down the rest of the way. Sungmin and Donghae, who had joined them at some point, had also joined the others in looking at Hankyung like he was some sort of alien.
"Sorry," Hankyung said, waving a hand in dismissal. "I wasn't even listening."
Heechul narrowed his eyes at him. "That's what I was afraid of."
"Sorry," repeated Hankyung.
"You've been quiet all day," Donghae said, and Hankyung could see Eeteuk watching him, and kind of thought that Eeteuk was going to say something.
"I'm tired," he said quickly. "Bad night. It's freezing in that room."
"Really?" Heechul didn't believe him. "It's perfectly fine in my room, isn't it, Sungmin?"
"It's warm enough," Sungmin said with a shrug, not too sure why the conversation had taken this turn. "It is an old building though."
"Maybe I just feel the cold," Hankyung said. He certainly was right that second, his fingers like ice in the cold weather.
"You never have done before," Heechul said, persisting. Hankyung was beginning to get irritated. Luckily, a distraction appeared in the form of the first years, as Siwon caught Sungmin in a giant bear hug for a second before Sungmin teleported out of his arms and about a metre to the left, wincing and rubbing at his shoulders.
"Siwon," he said severely. "I told you -- gentle."
"Well," said Heechul, cocking an eyebrow.
"Sorry, hyung," Siwon said, hovering nervously. "I forgot."
"That's okay," Sungmin said with a smile, slipping a hand, gloved, into Siwon's. Heechul had forgotten his own gloves; his fingers were practically blue. Hankyung couldn't even use the body heat from his own hands to warm him up. He was, by the time they got into the dining hall, downright miserable -- and it wasn't helped by the revelation that it was apparently some girl's birthday.
"My year," Sungmin explained, peeling his gloves off. "Her friends have been all excited about it, apparently her parents are sending her a cake covered in pink frosting." His face went a bit wistful. "I'd like some."
Hankyung was watching the impromptu party. The birthday girl wasn't hard to pick out, she had a giant badge pinned to her school sweatshirt proclaiming that she was seventeen that day. She also had the widest smile out of all the girls, was laughing the hardest, looked almost radiant. That night she'd be able to come home from classes and sit down to a birthday cake sent with love from her parents. It was like looking at a future that could have been. He had to look away, sickened.
He picked at his food, distracted by the happy sounds coming from the group at the other side of the hall. He was no longer hungry, every mouthful like dust in his mouth. "Maybe you should have a nap after control class," Heechul muttered. He didn't believe him about being tired, not really, Hankyung knew, but Hankyung didn't answer, didn't say a word. He didn't feel like it.
Suddenly Zhou Mi put his hand to his head, cringing with his eyes closed. Kyuhyun lay a hand on the back of his neck, which seemed to shock Zhou Mi right out of whatever was happening. "Your hand is cold, Kui Xian!" he yelped.
Kyuhyun wiggled his fingers in front of his face. He wasn't even wearing a coat that day. Apparently having a lower body temperature meant that he also had a higher tolerance for cold weather. "What's up?" he asked, starting on the jam sponge he'd taken for dessert.
"I don't know," Zhou Mi said. "Suddenly my head hurt. There was a lot of shouting." His voice dropped. "Pain. There was a lot of pain."
Before anyone could remark on that, there was a chorus of Happy Birthday from the other end of the hall. "That reminds me," Ryeowook said. "Hankyung, when is your birthday?"
Hankyung looked up, blinking. "My birthday?"
"Yeah.".
"You know," Yehsung cut in. "That day on which you were born."
"Uh," Hankyung said. "February, sometime. I think."
"You...think?" Shindong asked, looking like he almost wanted to laugh. Heechul's hand had touched Hankyung's wrist. He was looking a little worried, like something odd was happening.
"I'm not sure," Hankyung said. "Why?"
"Well, we need to celebrate it."
"We do?" Hankyung was confused. "But I haven't celebrated my birthday since I was nine."
"So you don't even know when it is?" Zhou Mi sounded horrified at the prospect.
"I remember that I used to get something in February, but I couldn't tell you the exact date." He shrugged, then added wrly, "It's not like my coming into his world is anything to celebrate."
There was silence at that, frosty on Heechul's part. "You know," he said, voice dangerous, eyes like flint. "I really hate it when you say things like that."
"Sorry," Hankyung said, laying his chopsticks down. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that -- that girl over there, she's excited for something that her parents are sending her. My parents would prefer to believe that I didn't exist, so why would I get excited about my birthday?"
"Bah, humbug," Heechul said. He poked Hankyung in the side. "What do you think about Christmas, then?"
"What's Christmas?" Hankyung asked curiously. There was a long, long silence.
"How can you live without Santa?" Yehsung asked.
"Um." Ryeowook exchanged looks with Heechul. "Hyung, Santa isn't actually real?"
Yehsung stared at him, lips twitching. "I...knew that, Ryeowook."
"Oh," Ryeowook said, blushing. Yehsung grinned and flicked his forehead.
"How can you not know what Christmas is?" Shindong asked, looking and sounding horrified. Quite a few of the other people at the table looked the same.
"Chinese people don't celebrate Christmas," Zhou Mi pointed out.
"Whatever," Heechul said. "You still know what it is."
Well, Hankyung thought, as Christmas was explained to him, you learn something new every day. Unfortunately, he was still confused about the whole thing even after control lessons, and quizzed Heechul about it all the way back up to the dorm building. "Wait," he was saying as they entered the doors. "So they followed a star?" Heechul rounded on him.
"Look, I don't believe it either, okay? It's a load of religious bullshit if you ask me. If you want to know more about that side of things, go ask Siwon, since he knows all about it. Christmas for me is just about spending time with my family and getting presents."
Hankyung, though relieved that Heechul also thought the story seemed a bit suspect, nevertheless said cautiously, "About this gift thing--"
"You can't even afford to buy yourself a new school bag," Heechul said, reaching out and pulling on the strap over Hankyung's shoulder. "So I don't expect you to get me something for Christmas."
Hankyung, blushing madly, shied away from him. "I just need to get some money from my parents," he muttered.
"Whatever, I've got a spare one you can have." There was a pause. "If you want it."
Hankyung was silent for a long time, torn between swallowing his pride and accepting the charity, or refusing and having to call his parents to beg some money off him. In the end, it was far easier to just say "yeah, thanks," than have to make his way to the phones and dial that number to China. Heechul acted like it was nothing anyway.
Hankyung spent five minutes talking to Siwon about the religious side to Christmas before he burst into laughter. Siwon looked hurt. Sungmin looked a little upset, too. In fact, most of them looked at him like he'd just stood on a puppy. Heechul, on the other hand, looked so proud he could burst. "Aha!" he said, clinging around Hankyung's neck. "You can't brainwash my boyfriend, can they, Hankyung?"
"I don't think it's that they can't brainwash me so much as it all just seems a little ridiculous." Hankyung pulled Heechul across and into his lap. "A virgin giving birth to a baby? Now that's just silly."
"She was carrying the child of God!" Siwon said earnestly. "She was pure and chaste and that's why he chose her."
"Sounds to me like she was just scared of admiting she was having a child out of wedlock," Hankyung said.
"Sounds to me like the whole book is a load of rubbish," Heechul said, a little snidely. Siwon looked devasted.
"But hyung," he said to Hankyung, apparently having given up on Heechul some years earlier, "having religion and faith in your life is important!"
"Why?" Hankyung asked, non-plussed.
"It teaches you right from wrong, and gives you something to turn to when things go bad."
"Siwon, I'm not religious and even I know the difference between right and wrong." Heechul paused, then smirked. "Of course, I don't always follow what I know is right and wrong..."
"And I highly doubt that having some made up figure that I could talk to would have helped me when things went bad," Hankyung said.
Eventually the conversation turned away from religion as other people became bored and turned the television on to watch some quiz show. Siwon, who looked like he wanted to continue the conversation, was soon drawn into screaming out the answers at the television like everyone else. Siwon wasn't too bad, and Donghae knew a surprising number of the answers. Kibum sat next to Donghae on the sofa, legs pulled up, reading a book, and quietly saying each correct answer before the question had even fully finished.
Heechul, still curled into Hankyung's lap, could probably feel the way Hankyung was holding him tightly. He tipped his head back so he could speak into Hankyung's ear. "What's up? You havebeen acting strangely all day, despite all the excuses you've been giving."
"I'm fine," Hankyung said, shifting Heechul so he could wrap an arm around his waist. Heechul wriggled until he was comfortable.
"You keep saying odd things. Things like what you used to say, back when you first arrived. I don't like those things, Hankyung."
"Maybe later," Hankyung said, against the hair above Heechul's ear. "Maybe I'll tell you later."
Heechul put his fingers to his chin, tipped his head back to kiss him softly. "Tell me now."
The television show had finished, replaced by the news. The first story was about an attack, somewhere in the South of the country. Everyone fell silent at the word mutant.
"-- This support group for mutants meets every Tuesday at midday, where mutants can simply talk and get advice. For many people, living out of cities, even just knowing that other mutants exist is enough. However, the center where the group meets is today a scene of carnage. According to eyewitnesses, not long after the meeting had started, masked gunmen broke into the center and opened fire on all who were there, paying no heed to that many of the women present had young children with them. There have been four confirmed casualties, including one teenage girl--"
"Oh, you've got to be fucking with me," Kangin spat.
"--and at least ten critical injuries. The men responsible for the attack escaped before the police could arrive, but those who have survived the savage attack claim that the men were all wearing clothes labelled with the sign of the True Gene group, an anti-mutant organization. The group was previously recognised as a political party until a year ago, when their leader was arrested for hate crimes against mutants. The group was supposedly responsible for the death of teenager Lee Taekyul back in October."
"That's what I felt!" Zhou Mi was looking astonished. "Remember, at midday? I felt pain, inside my head. That's what I felt. It's calling to me."
Henry had his eyes closed and his eyes blocked, head bowed, as Donghae tried to comfort him, tried to do something to cheer him up and stopping him from feeling the emotions of the people on the screen. Unfortunately, Henry looked up just in time to see a woman sobbing as a body was wheeled away; he burst into tears himself. "It hurts," he sobbed.
"Donghae, get Henry out of here," Eeteuk said sharply. "And Kangin, switch that television off."
"Avoiding it isn't going to make it disappear," Kangin said, and changed the channel as a compromise. Donghae, about to help Henry out of the room, was immediately distracted by Spongebob Squarepants and pulled Henry back down, telling Eeteuk that cartoons were the best thing for depression. Hankyung wasn't too sure. He didn't have a clue what was going on, except that they seemed to be celebrating a fucking birthday.
"I can't get away from them," he said, and suddenly he just knew that he was going to cry at some point soon, and that he didn't want to be in that room when he did. He bowed his head, said, "Heechul, I need to go to the bathroom," and once Heechul was sitting on the sofa by himself, he left the room quickly, without looking back.
The bathroom at the end of the corridor was deserted, which was just as well since he broke down before he could get into a cubicle. He clutched the edge of the sink, head fallen forward so that his tears could drip from his cheeks into the bowl. His knuckles were white with his grip. His breathing came short, heart hammering, eyes raw. He was so consumed that he didn't hear anyone come in, and almost jumped out of his skin when a tissue dabbed at his cheeks.
"I knew there was something wrong," Heechul said, probably not wanting to sound like he was being triumphant, but sounding a little smug anyway. "Come on, tell me."
"It's her birthday," Hankyung sobbed.
"Whose? Is this something to do with your sister?" Hankyung continued to sob. Heechul lay a hand on his arm. "Hankyung, calm down, or else I'll have to slap you."
It wasn't until they were in one of the smaller rooms, Heechul staring at Hankyung from the other side of a couch, legs crossed, that Hankyung managed to say coherently, "It's my sister's birthday today. Or, at least, it would be, if I hadn't killed her."
"You--" Heechul fell silent, clearly unable to think of how to react to that. Hankyung, at any other time, would have been amused at Heechul being speechless.
"Four years old," Hankyung said in a musing tone. "They'd have strung pink streamers up around the house. When I left my room to go to the bathroom, I'd no doubt walk into one of them because I wasn't aware they'd been put up. She'd laugh at me, and I'd -- I'd be normal, just for a few minutes, I could pretend to be normal, until my mother told her that she wasn't supposed to disturb me and I was sent back to my room. There'd be cake and food and happiness. There'd be screaming from downstairs, child-like, her little friends running around having fun. I'd sit in my room and listen to it all."
"They'd have a party?"
"Of course they'd have a party, they'd want to celebrate! The normal child, their little princess -- but I can't blame them for celebrating her, I loved her too--" His voice broke. Heechul went for his hand, and Hankyung avoided it, so frowning, Heechul took his wrist instead. "20th November. It's ingrained right on in there, right in my brain. Her birthday. The day to celebrate. The day they'll never, ever forget. Whereas I can't even remember my own birthday!"
"Hankyung..." Heechul practically crawled on top of him, though quite how that was supposed to comfort Hankyung, Hankyung didn't know. "The school will know. We can ask someone."
"It's February sometime," Hankyung said with a shrug. "I don't care about my birthday, Heechul, I don't want to celebrate the day of my birth. It's the unfairness that really gets me."
"I want to celebrate the day of your birth," Heechul said fiercely. "The others want to celebrate the day of your birth."
"It's nothing to get excited about."
"It is. And we're going to find out when it is and there'll be a party or something."
"Heechul, I don't like parties."
"Well, Ryeowook will make you a cake, in any rate."
"Cake sounds good," Hankyung admitted grudgingly.
"Great!" Heechul clambered back out of his lap and got to his feet. "Can we go and get some right now?"
"Nice segue." Hankyung let Heechul pull him up, wiping at his eyes with his thumb. "How do I look?"
"Like you've been sobbing hysterically," Heechul said cheerfully.
"Wonderful, that'll do."
They were the only two in the kitchens; Kibum and Donghae were getting something, Donghae perched on a counter, swinging his legs, as Kibum stuck his head into one of the large fridges. "Hey guys," Donghae chirped happily, then looked like he was going to say something about Hankyung's eyes -- he was looking closely at them -- but he was interrupted by Kibum coming back out triumphantly holding a selection of pre-cooked meats. "Yes!" Donghae cheered, and hopped off the counter he was perched on in order to run around and grab some bread buns. He caught the packets that Kibum tossed to him.
"Guys, dinner will be in less than an hour, why are you making sandwiches?" Heechul asked over his shoulder as he opened the fridges one after another. Donghae was pulling meat from packaging and Kibum was getting sauces.
"Hungry," Donghae said with a shrug. "Why are you -- doing whatever you're doing?"
"We just felt like cake," Heechul said.
"There isn't any," Kibum said. "We were going to have cake but there's none left."
"What, none?"
"Nope."
"Damn it!"
"So we're having sandwiches," Donghae said cheerfully. "Want one?"
He was currently piling chopped jalapenos onto some chicken slices. "No thanks," Heechul said. Hankyung turned away, feeling a little sick. Kibum was chopping up cucumber. Whatever he was making, it seemed like it was going to be a lot more interesting than Donghae's concoction. Heechul was bent into one of the freezers now. "We could probably get some of that second year's cake," he said. "Guess we'll just have to have ice cream for now."
"I'm not bothered so much anymore," Hankyung said. Cue three people looking at him like he was crazy. He shrugged. "My sweet tooth isn't as developed as yours."
"That cake would have been wasted on you anyway," Heechul said, slamming the freezer shut, a tub of strawberry ice-cream clutched in his arms. He poked Hankyung with a spoon as he went past, smiling at him. Hankyung smiled back.
...........................................................
"I'm cold," Heechul said for the fifth time in fifteen minutes. He was taking up most of his bed, hanging his head off the side and tossing a ball that he had found from somewhere at the wall. Hankyung, cross legged on the pillows, kept poking him in the side with his toe to try to get him to move a little over, unsuccessfully. Because of a lack of space, his math homework was a complete scrawling mess.
"I don't know what you expect me to do about it," he said, poking at Heechul yet again.
"You could warm me up," Heechul suggested.
"And how do you suggest I do that?" Hankyung noted something down, only to end up with a giant pen line across his page as Heechul moved and nudged his arm. He looked up in dismay, only to find that Heechul's nose was a matter of centimetres from his own. "What the--" he said, jerking back. Heechul grabbed his shoulders.
"You could do it like this," he murmured, and then he was kissing Hankyung, so hard that Hankyung toppled backwards against the wall, his book slipping off the bed to land with cliched carelessness on the floor, pages bent. Heechul managed to move the both of them until they were lying on the bed, Heechul's knees either side of his waist. The lock clicked shut without anyone touching it. Hankyung struggled free.
"Heechul, you're not supposed to be using your powers," he said, as Heechul's mouth attacked his neck. It had become, in a very short space of time, very difficult to breathe and it was scaring him so much that he turned his mind to other matters. Heechul nipped at the skin of his neck.
"Closing a lock isn't going to hurt me," he said. Hankyung could tell he was getting laughed at. When Heechul's mouth touched against his again, he kissed back desperately in an attempt at distracting Heechul from thinking about anything more. Unfortunately, it hadn't worked, as Heechul's hands were now pulling at the hem of his t-shirt. It wasn't anything that they hadn't done before, but somehow, it felt different. Something about warming Heechul up was really sticking in Hankyung's mind.
"Christ, relax, Hankyung," Heechul said, "you'd think you were getting raped."
"Are you -- do you -- is that --"
Heechul sighed and sat up, pushing his hair away. Blonde strands still hung forward, golden lines in front of his eyes. "Yes. Yes, I do want that. But, Hankyung, don't think that you have--"
"No, I don't feel like that." Hankyung reached out and took Heechul's hand, tracing the lines on his palm with a leather-covered finger. "I don't feel pressured. I do feel like a girl."
"Together we make the perfect girl," Heechul said, "since I've got the looks and you've got the emotional range of one."
Hankyung laughed, and tugged Heechul closer by the hand. "I do want to," he said. "I'm just -- scared. Nervous. Worried."
"Welcome to the club," Heechul said cheerfully. Hankyung raised an eyebrow; Heechul didn't show, had never shown, any sign of being scared or nervous or worried. He always seemed confident, always sure of the way his hand had touched Hankyung's skin. Maybe that was the problem. Hankyung couldn't touch Heechul's skin.
"It won't be -- you won't be able to --" He held up his hands helplessly and Heechul understood, just like he always did. He leaned in and kissed Hankyung's jaw, taking his wrists and putting his dangling hands on his waist.
"It's not just about your hands," he whispered, as his own hands found the top button of Hankyung's jeans.
***
"Heechul?"
"Yeah?" Heechul sounded, above anything else, immensely smug, curled up against Hankyung's side, head on his shoulder. He'd wriggled into his underwear at the same time that Hankyung had pulled his own on, and then stolen Hankyung's t-shirt. He had it pulled around him like he was never going to let it go.
"I just noticed. The furniture is all moved around."
Heechul sat up and blinked at Sungmin's bed and wardrobe. Either the bed had moved to meet the wardrobe, or the wardrobe had moved to meet the bed; either way they were standing together in the middle of the room. Heechul's chest of drawers had shifted, so all the bottles of hair products had fallen over. His own wardrobe had definitely moved forward a couple of inches. He lay back down. "I know."
"Did you do that?"
"Probably."
Hankyung was suddenly struck by the danger in what they'd just done. "Heechul, you're not supposed to be using your powers, what if--"
"Calm down, Hankyung. I feel fine."
"I know, but what if--"
"It's not like I can help it. It's not my fault. Anyway, if something does happen, I give you permission to make up something about me being stupid, and not say that it was because we had sex."
Despite himself, Hankyung blushed. Heechul curled in closer, practically snuggling in. "You're warm," he said.
"I feel warm," Hankyung said wonderingly, as Heechul's fingers stroked his side.
Half an hour later they were both dressed -- somewhat -- and trying to shove Sungmin's bed back into its place. The heavy wooden frame refused to budge, even with both of them pushing it. They'd left the wardrobe for the moment after it had creaked ominously when they pushed. "This is the problem with old schools," Heechul huffed, flopping down on Sungmin's bed covers. "Everything is old and heavy."
"The school is really that old?" Hankyung sat next to him. Heechul had handed over his t-shirt but was now wearing the hooded sweatshirt Hankyung had been wearing that day. His feet were bare, cold looking toes sticking out from the legs of his jeans.
"Used to be a boarding school for rich kids," Heechul said, swinging his legs back and forth. "Then it went bankrupt in the sixties and the person who bought it turned it into a health resort for Americans. Then it was sold to someone else in the early nineties, who turned it into the school it is now."
"You seem to know a lot."
"We got spirit, yes we do, we got spirit, how about you," Heechul said, in English. Hankyung cocked his head at him, confused, but Heechul just rolled his eyes and hopped to his feet. "Come on, we can get this done."
They couldn't. Fifteen minutes later they were flopped out on Heechul's bed this time, breathing heavily. They'd managed to move the bed two centimetres before they'd been forced to give up completely. "What are we going to do?" Hankyung asked.
"I don't know. This is all your fault."
"How is this my fault? I'm not the one who moved everything with my mind!"
"Well, I didn't lose control on my own," Heechul retorted. "You were the one with your --"
Fortunately, Sungmin walked through the now unlocked door into the room before Heechul could finish the sentence. Sungmin stopped dead in the doorway, staring at the way all his furniture had moved. "What the hell happened?"
"Uh," Hankyung said, while Heechul just grinned. He still looked insanely smug. Sungmin took in that, the redness of Hankyung's cheeks, the moved furniture, Heechul wearing Hankyung's jacket, their bare feet, the way Hankyung's hair was stuck up at the back, and Heechul's windswept looking hair.
"Please tell me you didn't," he said desperately. "Oh my god, please tell you did not."
"Didn't do what?" Heechul asked cheerfully, wriggling his toes in Sungmin's direction.
"You did!" Sungmin wailed. "You had sex in our room! I can not believe you!" He rounded on Hankyung. "I told you, not in my room!" Hankyung pointed to himself, as if to say me?
"It's my room too," Heechul said stubbornly. "I can do what I want in it."
"How would you like it if I brought Siwon back to our room and made out with him on your bed?"
"We didn't use your bed, it just got moved around while we --"
"Argh!" Sungmin held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "I get it. Just make sure that you put everything back to where it was."
"What do you think we've been trying to do? None of it will move."
Sighing, Sungmin agreed to help them, but even with the three of them pushing, they could only get it to move a couple of inches, and it was beginning to damage the carpet. Hankyung cursed endlessly in Chinese before saying to Heechul; "How the hell did you manage to move it in the first place?"
"I'm stronger mentally than I am physically?" Heechul guessed, then sat down on the floor, heavily. "I feel faint."
"Is it your head?" Hankyung asked, hunkering down next to him. Heechul shook his head and took a couple of deep breaths.
"I'm not used to so much physical exertion," he said with a wicked smile. This time, it was Hankyung who rolled his eyes.
"You'll have to tether furniture down in the future," Sungmin said. He still did not seem happy. "I'm getting Siwon." He disappeared.
"I think he's angry with us," Hankyung said sadly. Heechul shrugged.
"He'll get over it."
"You should lie down." Hankyung held his hand out. "Here."
Heechul stared at his hand for a long second, then took it, looking unsure. Hankyung pulled him to his feet and helped him to the bed. "Are you sure it's not your head?" he asked. He'd never forgive himself if Heechul was injured through something as stupid as having sex with him.
"I'm just lightheaded. There's no headache, and it's headaches that I have to watch out for. Now stop fussing, you're irritating me."
Siwon arrived, and quickly managed to set the furniture right, Sungmin watching over him to make sure that everything was put back perfectly. He'd clearly told Siwon what had happened, since Siwon couldn't look them in the eyes. It didn't matter much though, since Heechul fell asleep halfway through. Sungmin found that hilarious and it seemed to placate him. "You wore him out," he said, nudging Hankyung in the side with his elbow. Hankyung smiled weakly. The fact that neither Siwon nor Sungmin seemed to be paying much attention to Heechul using his power should have reassured him, just like Heechul thinking nothing was wrong should have done. Hankyung wasn't reassured one bit.
He was, it turned out, just being paranoid. Heechul woke up an hour later when the bell for dinner rang, absolutely fine. In fact, Kangin noted that Heechul's cheerfulness was beginning to get annoying.
"What on earth is making you so perky?" Kyuhyun asked, reaching out to get a bowl of dessert. "You're beginning to get like Zhou Mi."
"Well--" began Heechul.
"You don't want to know," Hankyung and Sungmin said simultaneously. They blinked at each other.
Siwon tapped Heechul on the shoulder. "If you say anything, hyung, I shall scream."
"Okay, keep your hair on." Heechul's smile had slipped somewhat; he dug his spoon moodily into his treacle tart. His leg was pressed against Hankyung's under the table. Hankyung, it had to be said, was getting used to feeling happy most of the time.
***
The happy feeling faded somewhat the next afternoon. It was a Monday in December, but the thing was, Hankyung had still probably been on a high thanks to the day before and the usual Monday morning depression didn't hit. In fact, it may not have hit at all, despite all the talk of the upcoming end of term exams, if the receptionist to the dorm building hadn't caught Heechul and handed him a letter.
Heechul stared at it, confused as to who would have sent him a letter, before flicking it over to check that it was actually addressed to him, and that the receptionist hadn't just got him mixed up. Personally, Hankyung didn't see how anyone could get Heechul mixed up with anyone else.
Heechul's face darkened, and he moved as if he was going to tear the envelope in half. Hankyung snatched it out of his hands before he could. "What's wrong with it?" he asked, looking at Heechul's name and the school address printed on the front.
"It's from Be-ran," Heechul said angrily, trying to pull it back. "I recognise his handwriting."
Hankyung squinted, but couldn't place the writing with the writing that he'd seen on the other letter. "Really? You should open it."
"I should?" Heechul's mood had switched; now he sounded amused at Hankyung's expense. "Are you, my current boyfriend, telling me to read a letter from my ex-boyfriend?"
"Why would he write unless it was important?"
"You're making the grave mistake of assuming that anything Be-ran does make sense, Hankyung."
Hankyung shrugged, and handed it back. "I think you should see what he's got to say. Maybe it's an apology."
It wasn't an apology. It was a weirdly worded letter which stated that Heechul should return to Be-ran's arms immediately or he would pay. Heechul read that much before he gave up, scrunched the paper up, and threw it on the floor next to Hankyung's bed. Hankyung bent down and picked it up and continued reading, purely out of interest. There was a lot of vague threats of violence and horrors that you could not comprehend if he didn't agree. There was a sense of urgency about the whole thing, as if Be-ran wanted Heechul to come back to his hometown as soon as he possibly could -- he suggested that it should happen before the end of term. Then something made him pause.
"Heechul, he knows about me."
Heechul, who had been pacing angrily up and down the room, waiting for Hankyung to finish reading the letter that he himself hadn't managed to get through, stopped and frowned at him. "What?"
Hankyung read out; "I have been informed that you are currently in a relationship with another person at your school. You should know, Heechul, that such relationships never work out, since they are not as pure as the relationship that you and I have."
"The man is a complete nutcase," Heechul said, sounding like he couldn't quite believe it.
"From what I've heard, the individual in question is dangerous and highly strung," Hankyung continued. "Because of this, I have decided that when you return to me, I will kindly forgive your infidelity."
"What the hell is he on about? You're not dangerous or highly strung."
"Well, the dangerous part is probably correct," Hankyung said mildly.
"Sometimes," Heechul said, "I wonder if you just say things like that to make yourself seem like some sort of bad boy."
Hankyung was still reading the letter, but there was nothing more to it, just more veiled threats of things to come in the future. Be-ran seemed certain that he could really hurt Heechul if he didn't get his way. Hankyung was disgusted.
"This time," Heechul said, when Hankyung lay the letter down, too calmly, "I write a reply."
The reply was short and sweet, written in Heechul's usual style of being tactful, kind and polite. Apart from Be-ran's name, and Heechul's name signed at the bottom, the letter consisted of two words: Up yours. Short and concise, as Heechul called it. Hankyung rather thought that the gloves were off.
Heechul handed the letter in at reception the next day, Tuesday, to be posted, and they put it to the back of their minds until Friday, when another letter from Be-ran arrived. This one wasn't quite as concise as Heechul's, having three words in total: You were warned. Heechul laughed it off as the words of a madman, but Hankyung couldn't forget it quite so easily. For that weekend, it played on his mind.
Come the next Monday, he forgot about it completely, having more pressing matters to think about. Despite his big push during the summer, and his best attempts since, Hankyung had begun to fall behind again. If they'd stuck to the same things in each subject, he'd have been fine, but they kept changing, so that he was left completely lost while everyone else managed since they had a basis in the subject to begin with, a basis which he was missing miserably. His grades were flirting with failure.
As if that wasn't bad enough, he found that even if he failed his exams, he couldn't stay at the school over the holidays. There would be no teachers to look after him. He had no choice but to return to China and spend two weeks in the company of his parents before he could escape back to Korea. He tried to imagine what it would be like, and somehow couldn't see himself spending any time with them. He couldn't walk into the living room and watch television with his father, or go into the kitchen and help his mother make dumplings. Two weeks in his bedroom would stretch out endlessly now.
"Cheer up, emo kid," Heechul said, the day before the first exam. "You're going to pass."
"I'm not," Hankyung said, sulking.
"If you don't pass, I'll dump you."
"That's not very fair on either of us. Beside, it's not like I can do anything about it. I simply don't know anything, Heechul."
"Yes, you do. I know you do. Stop moping about it and just get on with it. You'll do fine."
The week of exams seemed to go on forever, but eventually it was over. He came out of his final one, Korean literature, and walked straight into Hyori who was holding a clipboard and frowning at him. "What?" he said, feeling like he was about to get wrong for something that he hadn't even done.
"School is finished," she said. "You have to go home this weekend, either on Saturday or Sunday. You're going to China, aren't you?"
"Uh, yeah, I think so," Hankyung said. He was a little distracted by the way Heechul was dancing with Kangin up the corridor towards them.
"You think so? Hankyung, you have to leave this weekend. Have you even called your parents to confirm that you're going back? Have you even bought a plane ticket? Have you thought about this at all?"
"No," Hankyung admitted, slightly ashamed. "To be honest, I didn't want to think about it."
Her face softened with understanding. "I understand that, Hankyung, but you can't just bury your head in the sand all the time."
"You look like you're getting a grilling," Heechul said, linking his arm through Hankyung's. "What's up?"
"I haven't arranged anything for going back to China," Hankyung said.
"Back to China? Why would you be going back there?"
Hankyung stared at him. "For the holidays, Heechul."
"I thought you were coming to my house over Christmas."
Hankyung stared at him even harder. That was the first he'd heard of it. "That's the first I've heard of it," he said. Heechul looked incredulous, then unsure.
"Did I really not mention it? My parents e-mailed me and said that they were happy for you to come to my place over the holidays if you wanted to. How could I not have mentioned it?" Heechul looked puzzled, an odd expression on his face. He never usually wore it.
"Maybe it was just after your accident," Hyori suggested gently. "It would make sense for you to have forgotten things after that. You're lucky there wasn't any permanent damaged."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Heechul waved her observations away. "Anyway, yeah, you can come to my place. If you want."
Hankyung's choice was go back to China and spend two miserable weeks in abject loneliness with parents, where the chances of him being fed were debatable, or going with Heechul to his family, where he'd spend two weeks with people who actually wanted him there. "Do you even have to ask?" he said weakly.
The knowledge that he wouldn't have to go to China cheered him up, as did Hyori taking pity on him and promising that she would call his parents and let them know of his plans. The cherry on the cake came when his exam results came through. It was, he had to admit, incredibly pathetic that he was overjoyed that he had just scraped a pass in each subject. In Chemistry, his worst subject, he'd passed by a single mark. Still, a pass was a pass, and as everyone else had all done considerably better than him anyway, the atmosphere that night was highly energetic.
It would be their last night all together until after the winter holiday, as Henry and Kibum were leaving for Toronto and California early the next morning, with a couple of the others leaving during the day. Heechul's parents, along with Siwon's parents, were coming to pick them up on the Sunday morning to take them home on the Sunday afternoon. Something in Hankyung's stomach kept twisting, but it was a rather pleasant feeling.
"Excitement," Heechul remarked when Hankyung described it. Pleasant feeling or not, he didn't want to die in his sleep because of some previously undiagnosed condition. "Hell, Hankyung, you're only coming to my house for a couple of weeks."
"It is exciting! No one has ever wanted me to -- live with them before."
"I don't think you realise how guilty you make me feel when you say things like that." Heechul pulled his legs up onto the sofa where he was sitting next to Hankyung and fiddled with his toes. "Be-ran will be there," he said, in a way which let Hankyung know that he'd been thinking about it for a while. "That's the only thing I'm worried about, that he'll try to do something."
"To you?"
"No, to you."
Hankyung smiled weakly. "You don't have to worry about me, Heechul. I can defend myself." He mimed taking his right glove off.
"You wouldn't," Heechul said. "I know that you wouldn't, Hankyung. You're not like that. You'd never kill someone, not on purpose, not even if they were threatening to kill you."
Hankyung slumped down in his chair. "You're right," he admitted, and watched as Donghae snatched Eunhyuk's PSP from his hands and raced out the room so fast that it looked like he'd teleported like Sungmin. Eunhyuk gave chase; he was much, much slower, but he took a shortcut straight through the wall. "Heechul, did you and Be-ran ever -- do -- what we did?"
Heechul looked lost for a moment before the confusion cleared. "No. I was too young."
"Oh." Hankyung couldn't explain why, but that knowledge made him feel relieved. "Oh," he repeated.
"Don't worry, I'm just as inexperienced as you."
Hankyung smiled, as Heechul nipped the skin at his side, and remember the night before, his hand in Heechul's hair as they -- Zhou Mi, in the middle of saying something to Ryeowook, choked. "Please!" he half-shrieked. "Hankyung! Why did I have to see that?"
"I don't know what you saw," Heechul said, with a quick glance at Hankyung, "but it serves you right for being in everyone's minds all the time."
"I wasn't, really," Zhou Mi protested. "It wasn't that deep, not really."
"You shouldn't be looking into anyone's minds at all, Zhou Mi," said Eeteuk firmly.
"I can't help it, it just happens when my mind wanders."
"Kyuhyun can probably help you stop your mind wandering," Heechul said.
"So what did you see?" Shindong asked, then changed his mind by adding, "Wait, I really do not want to know."
Even though it was the last time for two weeks, there was no real sense of sadness when they all parted to go to sleep that night. Sungmin and Heechul were arguing over the musical merit of a song that Hankyung had never heard of when Siwon and Hankyung left them. Siwon cheerfully said goodnight and promptly fell asleep. Hankyung lay awake for a little time, thinking about the holiday he was going to have, before he drifted off.
It was the screaming that woke him a few hours later.
"I don't know what you expect me to do about it," he said, poking at Heechul yet again.
"You could warm me up," Heechul suggested.
"And how do you suggest I do that?" Hankyung noted something down, only to end up with a giant pen line across his page as Heechul moved and nudged his arm. He looked up in dismay, only to find that Heechul's nose was a matter of centimetres from his own. "What the--" he said, jerking back. Heechul grabbed his shoulders.
"You could do it like this," he murmured, and then he was kissing Hankyung, so hard that Hankyung toppled backwards against the wall, his book slipping off the bed to land with cliched carelessness on the floor, pages bent. Heechul managed to move the both of them until they were lying on the bed, Heechul's knees either side of his waist. The lock clicked shut without anyone touching it. Hankyung struggled free.
"Heechul, you're not supposed to be using your powers," he said, as Heechul's mouth attacked his neck. It had become, in a very short space of time, very difficult to breathe and it was scaring him so much that he turned his mind to other matters. Heechul nipped at the skin of his neck.
"Closing a lock isn't going to hurt me," he said. Hankyung could tell he was getting laughed at. When Heechul's mouth touched against his again, he kissed back desperately in an attempt at distracting Heechul from thinking about anything more. Unfortunately, it hadn't worked, as Heechul's hands were now pulling at the hem of his t-shirt. It wasn't anything that they hadn't done before, but somehow, it felt different. Something about warming Heechul up was really sticking in Hankyung's mind.
"Christ, relax, Hankyung," Heechul said, "you'd think you were getting raped."
"Are you -- do you -- is that --"
Heechul sighed and sat up, pushing his hair away. Blonde strands still hung forward, golden lines in front of his eyes. "Yes. Yes, I do want that. But, Hankyung, don't think that you have--"
"No, I don't feel like that." Hankyung reached out and took Heechul's hand, tracing the lines on his palm with a leather-covered finger. "I don't feel pressured. I do feel like a girl."
"Together we make the perfect girl," Heechul said, "since I've got the looks and you've got the emotional range of one."
Hankyung laughed, and tugged Heechul closer by the hand. "I do want to," he said. "I'm just -- scared. Nervous. Worried."
"Welcome to the club," Heechul said cheerfully. Hankyung raised an eyebrow; Heechul didn't show, had never shown, any sign of being scared or nervous or worried. He always seemed confident, always sure of the way his hand had touched Hankyung's skin. Maybe that was the problem. Hankyung couldn't touch Heechul's skin.
"It won't be -- you won't be able to --" He held up his hands helplessly and Heechul understood, just like he always did. He leaned in and kissed Hankyung's jaw, taking his wrists and putting his dangling hands on his waist.
"It's not just about your hands," he whispered, as his own hands found the top button of Hankyung's jeans.
"Heechul?"
"Yeah?" Heechul sounded, above anything else, immensely smug, curled up against Hankyung's side, head on his shoulder. He'd wriggled into his underwear at the same time that Hankyung had pulled his own on, and then stolen Hankyung's t-shirt. He had it pulled around him like he was never going to let it go.
"I just noticed. The furniture is all moved around."
Heechul sat up and blinked at Sungmin's bed and wardrobe. Either the bed had moved to meet the wardrobe, or the wardrobe had moved to meet the bed; either way they were standing together in the middle of the room. Heechul's chest of drawers had shifted, so all the bottles of hair products had fallen over. His own wardrobe had definitely moved forward a couple of inches. He lay back down. "I know."
"Did you do that?"
"Probably."
Hankyung was suddenly struck by the danger in what they'd just done. "Heechul, you're not supposed to be using your powers, what if--"
"Calm down, Hankyung. I feel fine."
"I know, but what if--"
"It's not like I can help it. It's not my fault. Anyway, if something does happen, I give you permission to make up something about me being stupid, and not say that it was because we had sex."
Despite himself, Hankyung blushed. Heechul curled in closer, practically snuggling in. "You're warm," he said.
"I feel warm," Hankyung said wonderingly, as Heechul's fingers stroked his side.
Half an hour later they were both dressed -- somewhat -- and trying to shove Sungmin's bed back into its place. The heavy wooden frame refused to budge, even with both of them pushing it. They'd left the wardrobe for the moment after it had creaked ominously when they pushed. "This is the problem with old schools," Heechul huffed, flopping down on Sungmin's bed covers. "Everything is old and heavy."
"The school is really that old?" Hankyung sat next to him. Heechul had handed over his t-shirt but was now wearing the hooded sweatshirt Hankyung had been wearing that day. His feet were bare, cold looking toes sticking out from the legs of his jeans.
"Used to be a boarding school for rich kids," Heechul said, swinging his legs back and forth. "Then it went bankrupt in the sixties and the person who bought it turned it into a health resort for Americans. Then it was sold to someone else in the early nineties, who turned it into the school it is now."
"You seem to know a lot."
"We got spirit, yes we do, we got spirit, how about you," Heechul said, in English. Hankyung cocked his head at him, confused, but Heechul just rolled his eyes and hopped to his feet. "Come on, we can get this done."
They couldn't. Fifteen minutes later they were flopped out on Heechul's bed this time, breathing heavily. They'd managed to move the bed two centimetres before they'd been forced to give up completely. "What are we going to do?" Hankyung asked.
"I don't know. This is all your fault."
"How is this my fault? I'm not the one who moved everything with my mind!"
"Well, I didn't lose control on my own," Heechul retorted. "You were the one with your --"
Fortunately, Sungmin walked through the now unlocked door into the room before Heechul could finish the sentence. Sungmin stopped dead in the doorway, staring at the way all his furniture had moved. "What the hell happened?"
"Uh," Hankyung said, while Heechul just grinned. He still looked insanely smug. Sungmin took in that, the redness of Hankyung's cheeks, the moved furniture, Heechul wearing Hankyung's jacket, their bare feet, the way Hankyung's hair was stuck up at the back, and Heechul's windswept looking hair.
"Please tell me you didn't," he said desperately. "Oh my god, please tell you did not."
"Didn't do what?" Heechul asked cheerfully, wriggling his toes in Sungmin's direction.
"You did!" Sungmin wailed. "You had sex in our room! I can not believe you!" He rounded on Hankyung. "I told you, not in my room!" Hankyung pointed to himself, as if to say me?
"It's my room too," Heechul said stubbornly. "I can do what I want in it."
"How would you like it if I brought Siwon back to our room and made out with him on your bed?"
"We didn't use your bed, it just got moved around while we --"
"Argh!" Sungmin held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "I get it. Just make sure that you put everything back to where it was."
"What do you think we've been trying to do? None of it will move."
Sighing, Sungmin agreed to help them, but even with the three of them pushing, they could only get it to move a couple of inches, and it was beginning to damage the carpet. Hankyung cursed endlessly in Chinese before saying to Heechul; "How the hell did you manage to move it in the first place?"
"I'm stronger mentally than I am physically?" Heechul guessed, then sat down on the floor, heavily. "I feel faint."
"Is it your head?" Hankyung asked, hunkering down next to him. Heechul shook his head and took a couple of deep breaths.
"I'm not used to so much physical exertion," he said with a wicked smile. This time, it was Hankyung who rolled his eyes.
"You'll have to tether furniture down in the future," Sungmin said. He still did not seem happy. "I'm getting Siwon." He disappeared.
"I think he's angry with us," Hankyung said sadly. Heechul shrugged.
"He'll get over it."
"You should lie down." Hankyung held his hand out. "Here."
Heechul stared at his hand for a long second, then took it, looking unsure. Hankyung pulled him to his feet and helped him to the bed. "Are you sure it's not your head?" he asked. He'd never forgive himself if Heechul was injured through something as stupid as having sex with him.
"I'm just lightheaded. There's no headache, and it's headaches that I have to watch out for. Now stop fussing, you're irritating me."
Siwon arrived, and quickly managed to set the furniture right, Sungmin watching over him to make sure that everything was put back perfectly. He'd clearly told Siwon what had happened, since Siwon couldn't look them in the eyes. It didn't matter much though, since Heechul fell asleep halfway through. Sungmin found that hilarious and it seemed to placate him. "You wore him out," he said, nudging Hankyung in the side with his elbow. Hankyung smiled weakly. The fact that neither Siwon nor Sungmin seemed to be paying much attention to Heechul using his power should have reassured him, just like Heechul thinking nothing was wrong should have done. Hankyung wasn't reassured one bit.
He was, it turned out, just being paranoid. Heechul woke up an hour later when the bell for dinner rang, absolutely fine. In fact, Kangin noted that Heechul's cheerfulness was beginning to get annoying.
"What on earth is making you so perky?" Kyuhyun asked, reaching out to get a bowl of dessert. "You're beginning to get like Zhou Mi."
"Well--" began Heechul.
"You don't want to know," Hankyung and Sungmin said simultaneously. They blinked at each other.
Siwon tapped Heechul on the shoulder. "If you say anything, hyung, I shall scream."
"Okay, keep your hair on." Heechul's smile had slipped somewhat; he dug his spoon moodily into his treacle tart. His leg was pressed against Hankyung's under the table. Hankyung, it had to be said, was getting used to feeling happy most of the time.
The happy feeling faded somewhat the next afternoon. It was a Monday in December, but the thing was, Hankyung had still probably been on a high thanks to the day before and the usual Monday morning depression didn't hit. In fact, it may not have hit at all, despite all the talk of the upcoming end of term exams, if the receptionist to the dorm building hadn't caught Heechul and handed him a letter.
Heechul stared at it, confused as to who would have sent him a letter, before flicking it over to check that it was actually addressed to him, and that the receptionist hadn't just got him mixed up. Personally, Hankyung didn't see how anyone could get Heechul mixed up with anyone else.
Heechul's face darkened, and he moved as if he was going to tear the envelope in half. Hankyung snatched it out of his hands before he could. "What's wrong with it?" he asked, looking at Heechul's name and the school address printed on the front.
"It's from Be-ran," Heechul said angrily, trying to pull it back. "I recognise his handwriting."
Hankyung squinted, but couldn't place the writing with the writing that he'd seen on the other letter. "Really? You should open it."
"I should?" Heechul's mood had switched; now he sounded amused at Hankyung's expense. "Are you, my current boyfriend, telling me to read a letter from my ex-boyfriend?"
"Why would he write unless it was important?"
"You're making the grave mistake of assuming that anything Be-ran does make sense, Hankyung."
Hankyung shrugged, and handed it back. "I think you should see what he's got to say. Maybe it's an apology."
It wasn't an apology. It was a weirdly worded letter which stated that Heechul should return to Be-ran's arms immediately or he would pay. Heechul read that much before he gave up, scrunched the paper up, and threw it on the floor next to Hankyung's bed. Hankyung bent down and picked it up and continued reading, purely out of interest. There was a lot of vague threats of violence and horrors that you could not comprehend if he didn't agree. There was a sense of urgency about the whole thing, as if Be-ran wanted Heechul to come back to his hometown as soon as he possibly could -- he suggested that it should happen before the end of term. Then something made him pause.
"Heechul, he knows about me."
Heechul, who had been pacing angrily up and down the room, waiting for Hankyung to finish reading the letter that he himself hadn't managed to get through, stopped and frowned at him. "What?"
Hankyung read out; "I have been informed that you are currently in a relationship with another person at your school. You should know, Heechul, that such relationships never work out, since they are not as pure as the relationship that you and I have."
"The man is a complete nutcase," Heechul said, sounding like he couldn't quite believe it.
"From what I've heard, the individual in question is dangerous and highly strung," Hankyung continued. "Because of this, I have decided that when you return to me, I will kindly forgive your infidelity."
"What the hell is he on about? You're not dangerous or highly strung."
"Well, the dangerous part is probably correct," Hankyung said mildly.
"Sometimes," Heechul said, "I wonder if you just say things like that to make yourself seem like some sort of bad boy."
Hankyung was still reading the letter, but there was nothing more to it, just more veiled threats of things to come in the future. Be-ran seemed certain that he could really hurt Heechul if he didn't get his way. Hankyung was disgusted.
"This time," Heechul said, when Hankyung lay the letter down, too calmly, "I write a reply."
The reply was short and sweet, written in Heechul's usual style of being tactful, kind and polite. Apart from Be-ran's name, and Heechul's name signed at the bottom, the letter consisted of two words: Up yours. Short and concise, as Heechul called it. Hankyung rather thought that the gloves were off.
Heechul handed the letter in at reception the next day, Tuesday, to be posted, and they put it to the back of their minds until Friday, when another letter from Be-ran arrived. This one wasn't quite as concise as Heechul's, having three words in total: You were warned. Heechul laughed it off as the words of a madman, but Hankyung couldn't forget it quite so easily. For that weekend, it played on his mind.
Come the next Monday, he forgot about it completely, having more pressing matters to think about. Despite his big push during the summer, and his best attempts since, Hankyung had begun to fall behind again. If they'd stuck to the same things in each subject, he'd have been fine, but they kept changing, so that he was left completely lost while everyone else managed since they had a basis in the subject to begin with, a basis which he was missing miserably. His grades were flirting with failure.
As if that wasn't bad enough, he found that even if he failed his exams, he couldn't stay at the school over the holidays. There would be no teachers to look after him. He had no choice but to return to China and spend two weeks in the company of his parents before he could escape back to Korea. He tried to imagine what it would be like, and somehow couldn't see himself spending any time with them. He couldn't walk into the living room and watch television with his father, or go into the kitchen and help his mother make dumplings. Two weeks in his bedroom would stretch out endlessly now.
"Cheer up, emo kid," Heechul said, the day before the first exam. "You're going to pass."
"I'm not," Hankyung said, sulking.
"If you don't pass, I'll dump you."
"That's not very fair on either of us. Beside, it's not like I can do anything about it. I simply don't know anything, Heechul."
"Yes, you do. I know you do. Stop moping about it and just get on with it. You'll do fine."
The week of exams seemed to go on forever, but eventually it was over. He came out of his final one, Korean literature, and walked straight into Hyori who was holding a clipboard and frowning at him. "What?" he said, feeling like he was about to get wrong for something that he hadn't even done.
"School is finished," she said. "You have to go home this weekend, either on Saturday or Sunday. You're going to China, aren't you?"
"Uh, yeah, I think so," Hankyung said. He was a little distracted by the way Heechul was dancing with Kangin up the corridor towards them.
"You think so? Hankyung, you have to leave this weekend. Have you even called your parents to confirm that you're going back? Have you even bought a plane ticket? Have you thought about this at all?"
"No," Hankyung admitted, slightly ashamed. "To be honest, I didn't want to think about it."
Her face softened with understanding. "I understand that, Hankyung, but you can't just bury your head in the sand all the time."
"You look like you're getting a grilling," Heechul said, linking his arm through Hankyung's. "What's up?"
"I haven't arranged anything for going back to China," Hankyung said.
"Back to China? Why would you be going back there?"
Hankyung stared at him. "For the holidays, Heechul."
"I thought you were coming to my house over Christmas."
Hankyung stared at him even harder. That was the first he'd heard of it. "That's the first I've heard of it," he said. Heechul looked incredulous, then unsure.
"Did I really not mention it? My parents e-mailed me and said that they were happy for you to come to my place over the holidays if you wanted to. How could I not have mentioned it?" Heechul looked puzzled, an odd expression on his face. He never usually wore it.
"Maybe it was just after your accident," Hyori suggested gently. "It would make sense for you to have forgotten things after that. You're lucky there wasn't any permanent damaged."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Heechul waved her observations away. "Anyway, yeah, you can come to my place. If you want."
Hankyung's choice was go back to China and spend two miserable weeks in abject loneliness with parents, where the chances of him being fed were debatable, or going with Heechul to his family, where he'd spend two weeks with people who actually wanted him there. "Do you even have to ask?" he said weakly.
The knowledge that he wouldn't have to go to China cheered him up, as did Hyori taking pity on him and promising that she would call his parents and let them know of his plans. The cherry on the cake came when his exam results came through. It was, he had to admit, incredibly pathetic that he was overjoyed that he had just scraped a pass in each subject. In Chemistry, his worst subject, he'd passed by a single mark. Still, a pass was a pass, and as everyone else had all done considerably better than him anyway, the atmosphere that night was highly energetic.
It would be their last night all together until after the winter holiday, as Henry and Kibum were leaving for Toronto and California early the next morning, with a couple of the others leaving during the day. Heechul's parents, along with Siwon's parents, were coming to pick them up on the Sunday morning to take them home on the Sunday afternoon. Something in Hankyung's stomach kept twisting, but it was a rather pleasant feeling.
"Excitement," Heechul remarked when Hankyung described it. Pleasant feeling or not, he didn't want to die in his sleep because of some previously undiagnosed condition. "Hell, Hankyung, you're only coming to my house for a couple of weeks."
"It is exciting! No one has ever wanted me to -- live with them before."
"I don't think you realise how guilty you make me feel when you say things like that." Heechul pulled his legs up onto the sofa where he was sitting next to Hankyung and fiddled with his toes. "Be-ran will be there," he said, in a way which let Hankyung know that he'd been thinking about it for a while. "That's the only thing I'm worried about, that he'll try to do something."
"To you?"
"No, to you."
Hankyung smiled weakly. "You don't have to worry about me, Heechul. I can defend myself." He mimed taking his right glove off.
"You wouldn't," Heechul said. "I know that you wouldn't, Hankyung. You're not like that. You'd never kill someone, not on purpose, not even if they were threatening to kill you."
Hankyung slumped down in his chair. "You're right," he admitted, and watched as Donghae snatched Eunhyuk's PSP from his hands and raced out the room so fast that it looked like he'd teleported like Sungmin. Eunhyuk gave chase; he was much, much slower, but he took a shortcut straight through the wall. "Heechul, did you and Be-ran ever -- do -- what we did?"
Heechul looked lost for a moment before the confusion cleared. "No. I was too young."
"Oh." Hankyung couldn't explain why, but that knowledge made him feel relieved. "Oh," he repeated.
"Don't worry, I'm just as inexperienced as you."
Hankyung smiled, as Heechul nipped the skin at his side, and remember the night before, his hand in Heechul's hair as they -- Zhou Mi, in the middle of saying something to Ryeowook, choked. "Please!" he half-shrieked. "Hankyung! Why did I have to see that?"
"I don't know what you saw," Heechul said, with a quick glance at Hankyung, "but it serves you right for being in everyone's minds all the time."
"I wasn't, really," Zhou Mi protested. "It wasn't that deep, not really."
"You shouldn't be looking into anyone's minds at all, Zhou Mi," said Eeteuk firmly.
"I can't help it, it just happens when my mind wanders."
"Kyuhyun can probably help you stop your mind wandering," Heechul said.
"So what did you see?" Shindong asked, then changed his mind by adding, "Wait, I really do not want to know."
Even though it was the last time for two weeks, there was no real sense of sadness when they all parted to go to sleep that night. Sungmin and Heechul were arguing over the musical merit of a song that Hankyung had never heard of when Siwon and Hankyung left them. Siwon cheerfully said goodnight and promptly fell asleep. Hankyung lay awake for a little time, thinking about the holiday he was going to have, before he drifted off.
It was the screaming that woke him a few hours later.
..........................................................
In a school as old as this, noise didn't travel very easily. It wasn't just one person then, couldn't be just one person screaming. He could hear heavy footsteps outside the door, people running back and forth, and never ending screaming. Hankyung jumped out of his bed, desperate to see what was going on, pulling on the black trousers he'd lay on his chest of drawers from the night before. As he was trying to force his leg into the right leg, something exploded outside, and the shock of it meant his leg got caught and he fell over sideways to the floor.
The explosion was enough to wake Siwon up, who sat upright, shocked. "Did I just dream that?" he asked, then registered the screaming and noises from the corridor. "What's that?"
"I don't know," Hankyung said, climbing to his feet, and finally managed to get his pants on. "I'm going to go look."
"Wait," Siwon said, scrambling out of bed and grabbing a shirt to pull on with his jogging bottom. "I'll come with you." Hankyung nodded, a little relieved that he had someone who would protect the two of them if something big was going on. He, after all, had no way of defending himself. He pulled his gloves on more securely before he unlocked their bedroom door and opened it.
The chaos outside was second to none Hankyung had ever seen before. Students were racing down the hallway, for the main staircase. Hankyung's first thought was that there was a fire and the alarms simply hadn't gone off. Then he saw; figures in black, holding guns of some sort. Some students were fighting them, but most were simply trying to run away. Unfortunately, they were at each end of the hall, half-blocking the exit; students were stuck in a bottleneck, unable to get out.
Hankyung watched, helpless, as a figure, mask over his face, raised the gun and shot something at a student who Hankyung recognised as a second year. The gun had been muffled. The student hit the floor, unconscious, but there did not appear to be any bleeding. He lay still for a long second and then began twitching all over, grotesque and horrifying. The students nearest to him began to panic and soon those who had fallen to the floor were in danger of being trampled underfoot.
Siwon lunged forward and yanked someone who had fallen to his feet before he could be crushed in the panic. "What's going on?" Siwon asked him. The boy, face white with terror, gasped a bit with the shock of almost being trampled. "Hey!"
"I don't know," the boy said, high-pitched and breathless. "I just woke up and people were running about. Someone came into our room, this guy dressed all in black. He had some sort of gun, he shot my roommate! He tried to shoot me and I just -- teleported him somewhere, I don't even know where he is."
"Why don't you just move all of the ones dressed in black?" Hankyung suggested.
"I don't know how, I'm just a second year, my powers aren't developed enough for it."
"Fine," Siwon said, letting go. "Just -- try to help people get out."
"Tell anyone you see to just get out of the school," Hankyung said. The boy ran off to the end of the hallway which led to the entrance of the school. Siwon turned to Hankyung. "We have to find the others." A girl's hair turned to snakes and attacked one of the men dressed in black. Hankyung looked closer at the man and noticed something sewn into the left hand side of the black jacket he wore, something that he couldn't make out in the darkness and the manic rush of people. "We have to get out of here," Hankyung said. "We have to find the others and get out of this school."
Siwon started to say something, perhaps wondering how they'd do that, when suddenly a gap opened up in the students and a man who was holding a gun leveled it at them. He shot; they jumped either side to avoid being hit, and lost track of one another for a couple of minutes. Hankyung ducked through the crowds, avoiding both men with guns and his fellow students, who were reacting blindly and were just as liable to injure someone not attacking them as those attacking them. When he eventually found Siwon again, it was only because Siwon had shoved a couple of the infiltrators into the stone wall at the end of the hallway and students were streaming happily from the hallway.
There were, however, quite a few students still left on the ground, twitching, many just lying still. One of the men in black was lying against the wall, slumped down with what looked like a tree root stuck directly through his chest, blood pooled around him. Hankyung swallowed thickly and ran after the students leaving. "There you are hyung," Siwon yelled, racing to catch up to him. "You're right, we need to get out of here."
"Where are the teachers?" Hankyung gasped out as they ran for the stairs, "Surely they should be coming for us--"
"Siwon!"
They turned; Sungmin was sprinting up the hallway behind them. Siwon stopped, dead, and opened his arms so that when Sungmin crashed into him, he could hug him tight. "Why are you here, hyung?" he asked the top of Sungmin's head. "Why aren't you outside already?"
"I was looking for you -- well, I was looking for anyone, really, but I can't find anyone--"
"What?" Hankyung put his hand on the back of Sungmin's t-shirt collar and pulled him backwards, not even caring about the shocked expression on Sungmin's face. "What do you mean? Where's Heechul?"
"I don't know," Sungmin said desperately. "I woke up when Eunhyuk came through my wall to tell me that the school was under attack. Heechul was already gone then."
"Well, where is he?"
"I don't know," Sungmin cried. "That's what I'm trying to find out!"
Siwon, though looking terrified on Heechul's behalf, began tugging on Hankyung's sleeve to get him to move. They were running again when he asked, "Where's Eunhyuk?"
"He went to warn more people, and then one of those guys came into the room when I was still trying to get dressed. I teleported with one arm halfway into a sleeve, I'm lucky I didn't end up with the material fused to my DNA."
"We need to find Hee--" Hankyung began, almost turning back around to go look through the rooms again, when he was interrupted by another explosion, this one apparently coming from inside the school, since the entire building shuddered. The tremor knocked Hankyung off his feet, and Sungmin probably would have done so if Siwon hadn't had hold of him. "Where are the teachers?" Hankyung wanted to know, as he climbed to his feet.
"I tried to teleport down there," Sungmin said. It was beginning to sound like he had been all over the place. "The entire teachers section is on fire."
There was silence for a minute after that as they tried to take this in. "So," Hankyung summed up, the staircase now in sight, "the school is under attack from some sort of group that have tazer guns, the students are panicking and that's dangerous, and we're -- the teachers are probably dead?"
"And we still don't know where Heechul-hyung is," Siwon added miserably.
"We can think about these things later," Sungmin said. "I think that explosion was probably the fire hitting the kitchen, which means it's spreading. We need to get out of here while we still can."
They were just about to head down the stairs when Zhou Mi's voice thundered through their heads, first in Korean, then Mandarin, then, inexplicably, in very awkward English: "Students, head to the front lawns! There are teachers waiting there. If you see any injured students on your way, please try to bring them outside with you--" Siwon turned, and picked up a petite girl and a younger looking boy, both unconscious, and hoisted them over his shoulders. "There are emergency services on their way. Please do not panic." Zhou Mi, who wasn't very good at all at disguising his emotion in his voice, sounded like he was in a panic. It was, however, nice to know that he, at least, was still okay.
They took the stairs three at a time, a girl with blood matted in her hair slung over Sungmin's back and a first year boy on Hankyung's back. A tiger with a face remarkably like Kangin's went bounding up the stairs past them, clearly on his way to find more students who had been hurt. The scene outside on the grounds wasn't much better, though. If any of them had been wondering why they'd past none of the attackers on their way, it soon became apparent that that was because they'd all been drawn out onto the lawn somehow, and there was some sort of a fierce battle going on between the teacher's powers and their guns, over to the left.
Keeping their heads low, they headed for the right, where Hyori was running a team of students who either knew something about medicine, or had powers related to healing. Hankyung was laying his load on the ground -- he would take second place to the girl with the head injury anyway -- when a flash of blond hair out of the corner of his eye, over to the left, had him running before he even realised what he'd seen. The cry of his name from behind just spurred him onwards.
His target had disappeared behind the dorm building; he couldn't follow it that way, so instead he ran around the right hand side of the building, at which point the person he was chasing after was already heading for the end of the grounds, for the woods leading to the lake. "Hey!" he shouted. "HEY!"
For some reason, the man stopped. Hankyung hadn't really expected it to work. He turned, pulling the gun out his pocket and holding it up. His movement was hindered somewhat by the fact that he had Heechul slung over his shoulder, one of his arms wrapped around Heechul's legs to hold him fast. "Stop right there!" the man barked. "Who are you?"
"I'm a friend," Hankyung said. "A friend of the person who you have hold of."
"Are you Hankyung?"
If Hankyung didn't have a very good idea of who this person was, he'd have been surprised at him knowing his name. "I am."
"I ought to shoot you where you stand," the man growled.
"I don't think Heechul would like that," Hankyung said mildly, though his heart was pounding in his chest. That gun looked like a proper one, and if this was who Hankyung thought it was, then he'd had army training. "You must be Be-ran."
"Heechul has spoken of me, I suppose."
"Oh yes," Hankyung said, "he's spoken of you."
"I decided that I couldn't leave him to the mercy of my fellow brothers. Heechul is an exception. He can be -- shown the true path, we can stamp out his freak somehow. We were meant to be, and I can't just abandon him."
"How upstanding," Hankyung said, trying to stamp down on a sudden rise of sarcasm. Apparently it was working as some sort of a coping mechanism. "So what did you do to him?"
"I've merely knocked him out. Pressure point technique. I couldn't hit him, I don't want to hurt him."
"You're going to hurt him if you take him away from this school," Hankyung said. "He'll already be hurt by the damage you've inflicted on the students here."
"They're freaks of nature," Be-ran spat. "You're all just impure, you all deserve to be killed -- but not Heechul. Heechul is perfection to me and when his power is removed, he will be perfection to the entire world."
"You," Hankyung said, since he really couldn't see a way out of this that didn't involve getting shot, "are completely insane."
"I agree," Heechul's voice said, and a large branch laying a short way away shot into the air and hit Be-ran directly on the back of the head. He went down like a sack of potatoes, dropping Heechul as he went. Heechul hit the ground with an oophm of air exhalation, and lay on his front until Hankyung pulled him over. "My head hurts," Heechul told him matter of factly, though his voice was a little weak.
"How badly?" Hankyung asked, already helping Heechul shift away from Be-ran's unconscious body.
"Not too bad," Heechul said. "Like when you get up too quickly after you've woken up and you get that tension all across your forehead."
"Not too bad," Hankyung agreed, and then hugged Heechul so tightly that Heechul actually squeaked a little in surprise. "I was so worried, when we couldn't find you. Sungmin said you'd been missing since before he'd woken up, and I just didn't know what was going on--"
"Hankyung," Heechul said sincerely, "I have got no idea what's going on. I only woke up when you were being all sarcastic to him. Why the fuck was Be-ran here -- and why is the school on fire?"
There were flames leaping through the windows of the bottom length of the dorm building, so strong that they could feel the heat from where they were sitting. They could hear screaming, endless banging; it sounded like the battle was still going on around the other side. "I'll explain later," Hankyung said, helping Heechul to his feet. He was woozy but seemed fine otherwise. "To be honest, I'm not too sure what's going on either but--"
Heechul was toeing something on Be-ran's chest with a bare toe -- he was still in his pyjamas, Be-ran apparently having lifted him directly from his room. While Hankyung knew that trying to fathom the mind of someone as clearly mad as Be-ran was mad himself, he couldn't help but wonder why he'd left Sungmin lying in his bed, when he could see easily have hurt him, or even killed him..
"True Genes," Heechul muttered. Hankyung looked closer, could just about make out the symbol, the lightning bolt inside the circle. He took Heechul's hand and began to pull him. He didn't like being alone and out in the open like this.
The screaming hadn't been coming from anyone on the ground -- students were still trapped inside the burning school. They were hanging out of the uppermost windows, screaming for help. Those students who could fly and carry the weight of another body were trying their best to get most of them out, while a couple of students who had powers which dealt with water were holding back the flames from the front entrance so that a few people could get out that way.
"Where's Kyuhyun?" Heechul gasped as they stumbled across the grass. "He'd be able to freeze that lot easily."
"Eeteuk's not there either," Hankyung said, his eyes on the air. Heechul made a noise like a snort, only he didn't have quite enough breath for it.
"He can't carry another person," he said, and then they seemed to stumble right over Donghae's body laid out on the floor. "What the --"
"Hyung!" Zhou Mi scrambled up from where he was sitting with Kyuhyun, and threw his arms around Heechul's neck, who just blinked. "Hyung, we've been so worried, we couldn't find you!"
"Never mind that, what's wrong with him?" Heechul asked, pushing Zhou Mi off him and staring at Donghae. "Is he dead?"
"No." Kibum was sitting, cross legged, on the grass beside Donghae's head. He seemed remarkably calm, but there was fear in his eyes; it was just well hidden. "He's been shot by one of their taser things. Hyori says he, like the others, should wake up soon enough."
"That didn't stop it being fucking scary though," Eunhyuk said. "He just hit the floor, they got him mid-run or something. Just appeared and hit the floor and lay there twitching. Scariest thing I've seen in my life."
Heechul, now that he knew that Donghae was fine, turned on Kyuhyun. "Why aren't you helping with the -- oh." He stopped as he caught sight of Kyuhyun's leg. It was making Hankyung feel quite sick. It was bent a little at the calf.
"Can't stand," Kyuhyun said through gritted teeth, as Zhou Mi sat back down on the ground and took his hand tightly. "Hyori told me not to move. She can't set it for fear that she'll do it wrong, and she's pulled so tight with her power that she's just barely taken the edge off the pain."
"Right," Heechul said, looking around at them, and then at the remains of the battle at the other side of the field; the ground was scorched, the grass all dead, the attackers all out black, or worse. "Could someone tell me what's going on?"
"There's been an attack on the school," Shindong said. "Isn't that obvious?"
"Well, yes," Heechul snapped. "But where are all the others?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," Shindong said. "I know Kangin keeps going in and out, trying to get as many people as he can find. I think he's hoping to find Eeteuk but--"
"Eeteuk has a room on the bottom floor."
"But," Eunhyuk said hopefully, "he'll have gone upstairs to try to help the students."
"We'll have to just hope that he's safe," Yehsung said bravely. He had a long, angry looking burn down the side of his face, which he caught Hankyung looking at. "Hyori hasn't been able to get around to me," he said with a shrug, "and Kyuhyun is in no fit state to try to treat it."
"I'm sorry, hyung," Ryeowook said tearfully. Yehsung shook his head.
"It's not your fault, Ryeowook."
"Ryeowook lashed out at someone attacking him and Yehsung got caught in the crossfire," Shindong muttered to Hankyung as explanation. "Kyuhyun's lucky to be alive, in all honesty. One of those True Gene bastards pushed him over the hallway barrier down into the entrance hall. Must have been a fifteen foot drop."
Henry was, for some reason, lying on the ground with his face in the grass. He was breathing, and no one seemed to be paying much attention to him, so Hankyung figured that he must have been fine. The wind suddenly changed direction; it blew against their faces, bringing the smell of burning. Henry suddenly got up onto his hands and knees and retched, looking harrowed and worn out. Ryeowook hugged him and rubbed against his back as he continued to dry heave. He was gasping words out in English, tears streaming down his face.
"I don't care what Professor Lee says," Ryeowook said, "Henry cannot stay here. This is going to kill him!"
"What the hell is wrong with him?" Hankyung asked, kneeling beside him and trying to comfort him, just a little if he could.
"He can feel everything," Ryeowook said. "All the pain and the fear from the mutants, and the hatred and anger from those -- those--"
"Bastards," supplied Yehsung.
"Yes!" Ryeowook looked so fierce and angry that Hankyung began to feel like he could feel his eyebrows singing. "Exactly. It's not too bad out here with the wind blowing the emotions away from him, but inside there, when it was --"
"It wasn't the attack that woke me up," Zhou Mi said. "It was Henry, screaming with the emotion of it."
"I still don't know how we got him down here," Shindong said. "Then, on the way, we found Kyuhyun, he was screaming too."
"So then we had to carry Henry, Kyuhyun and Donghae, without Siwon."
"Where is Siwon?" asked Heechul, very quietly.
"We don't know," Yehsung admitted. "Haven't seen him at all."
"He was with me," Hankyung said. "Him and Sungmin, we were on our way out when I caught sight of -- well, you, I guess. I left them to chase after Be-ran."
"Who is Be-ran?" Yehsung asked.
"No one," Heechul said. "He's no one. He doesn't matter. So Siwon got out okay?"
"Yeah," Hankyung said dubiously. "I think so."
"Hankyung," Heechul said, through gritted teeth, "'I think so' isn't good enough."
"I don't know, Heechul. He got out okay, he was right next to me, but they needed people to help get people out, so he may have gone back inside."
"Fucking Cho Be-ran." The tiny pieces of ash around Heechul began to swirl. "I wish you'd killed him." He caught sight of Hankyung's face and softened, ash dropping to the ground. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm glad you didn't. I'm impressed you didn't, after what he said about you. But still, come on, Hankyung."
"Who is Be-ran?" Yehsung demanded. "It's not fair of you to talk about this guy when none of us know him!"
"God, let it go!" Heechul snapped. "I'll tell you later, if you must know, but do you have to know now, when our school is burning around us and we don't know what's happened to some of our friends?"
"Hyung!"
They turned to see Sungmin running towards them, weaving his way through the groups of students, either injured or tending to those who weren't injured. He stopped in front of them, panting. "Hyori had me -- teleporting to -- local hospitals for -- supplies, has anyone seen -- Siwon?"
"No," Heechul exploded. "Last we knew, he was with you!"
"He went back inside to help other people. I was going to go with him, but Hyori needed me."
Yehsung scrambled to his feet, pointing towards the entrance. "Isn't that him there?"
After that, several things seemed to happen one after another. Siwon was running out of the school, with someone who looked remarkably like Eeteuk in his arms. Most of them got to their feet to watch. Suddenly, the fire seemed to grow too much to handle; it reared up again and blocked Siwon's exit. He paused, for a moment, but it was long enough for the man, who none of them had noticed before, to run around the side of the dorm building and throw something high into the air. It hit the front of the building and exploded on impact.
The entire front entrance came crashing down.
The explosion was enough to wake Siwon up, who sat upright, shocked. "Did I just dream that?" he asked, then registered the screaming and noises from the corridor. "What's that?"
"I don't know," Hankyung said, climbing to his feet, and finally managed to get his pants on. "I'm going to go look."
"Wait," Siwon said, scrambling out of bed and grabbing a shirt to pull on with his jogging bottom. "I'll come with you." Hankyung nodded, a little relieved that he had someone who would protect the two of them if something big was going on. He, after all, had no way of defending himself. He pulled his gloves on more securely before he unlocked their bedroom door and opened it.
The chaos outside was second to none Hankyung had ever seen before. Students were racing down the hallway, for the main staircase. Hankyung's first thought was that there was a fire and the alarms simply hadn't gone off. Then he saw; figures in black, holding guns of some sort. Some students were fighting them, but most were simply trying to run away. Unfortunately, they were at each end of the hall, half-blocking the exit; students were stuck in a bottleneck, unable to get out.
Hankyung watched, helpless, as a figure, mask over his face, raised the gun and shot something at a student who Hankyung recognised as a second year. The gun had been muffled. The student hit the floor, unconscious, but there did not appear to be any bleeding. He lay still for a long second and then began twitching all over, grotesque and horrifying. The students nearest to him began to panic and soon those who had fallen to the floor were in danger of being trampled underfoot.
Siwon lunged forward and yanked someone who had fallen to his feet before he could be crushed in the panic. "What's going on?" Siwon asked him. The boy, face white with terror, gasped a bit with the shock of almost being trampled. "Hey!"
"I don't know," the boy said, high-pitched and breathless. "I just woke up and people were running about. Someone came into our room, this guy dressed all in black. He had some sort of gun, he shot my roommate! He tried to shoot me and I just -- teleported him somewhere, I don't even know where he is."
"Why don't you just move all of the ones dressed in black?" Hankyung suggested.
"I don't know how, I'm just a second year, my powers aren't developed enough for it."
"Fine," Siwon said, letting go. "Just -- try to help people get out."
"Tell anyone you see to just get out of the school," Hankyung said. The boy ran off to the end of the hallway which led to the entrance of the school. Siwon turned to Hankyung. "We have to find the others." A girl's hair turned to snakes and attacked one of the men dressed in black. Hankyung looked closer at the man and noticed something sewn into the left hand side of the black jacket he wore, something that he couldn't make out in the darkness and the manic rush of people. "We have to get out of here," Hankyung said. "We have to find the others and get out of this school."
Siwon started to say something, perhaps wondering how they'd do that, when suddenly a gap opened up in the students and a man who was holding a gun leveled it at them. He shot; they jumped either side to avoid being hit, and lost track of one another for a couple of minutes. Hankyung ducked through the crowds, avoiding both men with guns and his fellow students, who were reacting blindly and were just as liable to injure someone not attacking them as those attacking them. When he eventually found Siwon again, it was only because Siwon had shoved a couple of the infiltrators into the stone wall at the end of the hallway and students were streaming happily from the hallway.
There were, however, quite a few students still left on the ground, twitching, many just lying still. One of the men in black was lying against the wall, slumped down with what looked like a tree root stuck directly through his chest, blood pooled around him. Hankyung swallowed thickly and ran after the students leaving. "There you are hyung," Siwon yelled, racing to catch up to him. "You're right, we need to get out of here."
"Where are the teachers?" Hankyung gasped out as they ran for the stairs, "Surely they should be coming for us--"
"Siwon!"
They turned; Sungmin was sprinting up the hallway behind them. Siwon stopped, dead, and opened his arms so that when Sungmin crashed into him, he could hug him tight. "Why are you here, hyung?" he asked the top of Sungmin's head. "Why aren't you outside already?"
"I was looking for you -- well, I was looking for anyone, really, but I can't find anyone--"
"What?" Hankyung put his hand on the back of Sungmin's t-shirt collar and pulled him backwards, not even caring about the shocked expression on Sungmin's face. "What do you mean? Where's Heechul?"
"I don't know," Sungmin said desperately. "I woke up when Eunhyuk came through my wall to tell me that the school was under attack. Heechul was already gone then."
"Well, where is he?"
"I don't know," Sungmin cried. "That's what I'm trying to find out!"
Siwon, though looking terrified on Heechul's behalf, began tugging on Hankyung's sleeve to get him to move. They were running again when he asked, "Where's Eunhyuk?"
"He went to warn more people, and then one of those guys came into the room when I was still trying to get dressed. I teleported with one arm halfway into a sleeve, I'm lucky I didn't end up with the material fused to my DNA."
"We need to find Hee--" Hankyung began, almost turning back around to go look through the rooms again, when he was interrupted by another explosion, this one apparently coming from inside the school, since the entire building shuddered. The tremor knocked Hankyung off his feet, and Sungmin probably would have done so if Siwon hadn't had hold of him. "Where are the teachers?" Hankyung wanted to know, as he climbed to his feet.
"I tried to teleport down there," Sungmin said. It was beginning to sound like he had been all over the place. "The entire teachers section is on fire."
There was silence for a minute after that as they tried to take this in. "So," Hankyung summed up, the staircase now in sight, "the school is under attack from some sort of group that have tazer guns, the students are panicking and that's dangerous, and we're -- the teachers are probably dead?"
"And we still don't know where Heechul-hyung is," Siwon added miserably.
"We can think about these things later," Sungmin said. "I think that explosion was probably the fire hitting the kitchen, which means it's spreading. We need to get out of here while we still can."
They were just about to head down the stairs when Zhou Mi's voice thundered through their heads, first in Korean, then Mandarin, then, inexplicably, in very awkward English: "Students, head to the front lawns! There are teachers waiting there. If you see any injured students on your way, please try to bring them outside with you--" Siwon turned, and picked up a petite girl and a younger looking boy, both unconscious, and hoisted them over his shoulders. "There are emergency services on their way. Please do not panic." Zhou Mi, who wasn't very good at all at disguising his emotion in his voice, sounded like he was in a panic. It was, however, nice to know that he, at least, was still okay.
They took the stairs three at a time, a girl with blood matted in her hair slung over Sungmin's back and a first year boy on Hankyung's back. A tiger with a face remarkably like Kangin's went bounding up the stairs past them, clearly on his way to find more students who had been hurt. The scene outside on the grounds wasn't much better, though. If any of them had been wondering why they'd past none of the attackers on their way, it soon became apparent that that was because they'd all been drawn out onto the lawn somehow, and there was some sort of a fierce battle going on between the teacher's powers and their guns, over to the left.
Keeping their heads low, they headed for the right, where Hyori was running a team of students who either knew something about medicine, or had powers related to healing. Hankyung was laying his load on the ground -- he would take second place to the girl with the head injury anyway -- when a flash of blond hair out of the corner of his eye, over to the left, had him running before he even realised what he'd seen. The cry of his name from behind just spurred him onwards.
His target had disappeared behind the dorm building; he couldn't follow it that way, so instead he ran around the right hand side of the building, at which point the person he was chasing after was already heading for the end of the grounds, for the woods leading to the lake. "Hey!" he shouted. "HEY!"
For some reason, the man stopped. Hankyung hadn't really expected it to work. He turned, pulling the gun out his pocket and holding it up. His movement was hindered somewhat by the fact that he had Heechul slung over his shoulder, one of his arms wrapped around Heechul's legs to hold him fast. "Stop right there!" the man barked. "Who are you?"
"I'm a friend," Hankyung said. "A friend of the person who you have hold of."
"Are you Hankyung?"
If Hankyung didn't have a very good idea of who this person was, he'd have been surprised at him knowing his name. "I am."
"I ought to shoot you where you stand," the man growled.
"I don't think Heechul would like that," Hankyung said mildly, though his heart was pounding in his chest. That gun looked like a proper one, and if this was who Hankyung thought it was, then he'd had army training. "You must be Be-ran."
"Heechul has spoken of me, I suppose."
"Oh yes," Hankyung said, "he's spoken of you."
"I decided that I couldn't leave him to the mercy of my fellow brothers. Heechul is an exception. He can be -- shown the true path, we can stamp out his freak somehow. We were meant to be, and I can't just abandon him."
"How upstanding," Hankyung said, trying to stamp down on a sudden rise of sarcasm. Apparently it was working as some sort of a coping mechanism. "So what did you do to him?"
"I've merely knocked him out. Pressure point technique. I couldn't hit him, I don't want to hurt him."
"You're going to hurt him if you take him away from this school," Hankyung said. "He'll already be hurt by the damage you've inflicted on the students here."
"They're freaks of nature," Be-ran spat. "You're all just impure, you all deserve to be killed -- but not Heechul. Heechul is perfection to me and when his power is removed, he will be perfection to the entire world."
"You," Hankyung said, since he really couldn't see a way out of this that didn't involve getting shot, "are completely insane."
"I agree," Heechul's voice said, and a large branch laying a short way away shot into the air and hit Be-ran directly on the back of the head. He went down like a sack of potatoes, dropping Heechul as he went. Heechul hit the ground with an oophm of air exhalation, and lay on his front until Hankyung pulled him over. "My head hurts," Heechul told him matter of factly, though his voice was a little weak.
"How badly?" Hankyung asked, already helping Heechul shift away from Be-ran's unconscious body.
"Not too bad," Heechul said. "Like when you get up too quickly after you've woken up and you get that tension all across your forehead."
"Not too bad," Hankyung agreed, and then hugged Heechul so tightly that Heechul actually squeaked a little in surprise. "I was so worried, when we couldn't find you. Sungmin said you'd been missing since before he'd woken up, and I just didn't know what was going on--"
"Hankyung," Heechul said sincerely, "I have got no idea what's going on. I only woke up when you were being all sarcastic to him. Why the fuck was Be-ran here -- and why is the school on fire?"
There were flames leaping through the windows of the bottom length of the dorm building, so strong that they could feel the heat from where they were sitting. They could hear screaming, endless banging; it sounded like the battle was still going on around the other side. "I'll explain later," Hankyung said, helping Heechul to his feet. He was woozy but seemed fine otherwise. "To be honest, I'm not too sure what's going on either but--"
Heechul was toeing something on Be-ran's chest with a bare toe -- he was still in his pyjamas, Be-ran apparently having lifted him directly from his room. While Hankyung knew that trying to fathom the mind of someone as clearly mad as Be-ran was mad himself, he couldn't help but wonder why he'd left Sungmin lying in his bed, when he could see easily have hurt him, or even killed him..
"True Genes," Heechul muttered. Hankyung looked closer, could just about make out the symbol, the lightning bolt inside the circle. He took Heechul's hand and began to pull him. He didn't like being alone and out in the open like this.
The screaming hadn't been coming from anyone on the ground -- students were still trapped inside the burning school. They were hanging out of the uppermost windows, screaming for help. Those students who could fly and carry the weight of another body were trying their best to get most of them out, while a couple of students who had powers which dealt with water were holding back the flames from the front entrance so that a few people could get out that way.
"Where's Kyuhyun?" Heechul gasped as they stumbled across the grass. "He'd be able to freeze that lot easily."
"Eeteuk's not there either," Hankyung said, his eyes on the air. Heechul made a noise like a snort, only he didn't have quite enough breath for it.
"He can't carry another person," he said, and then they seemed to stumble right over Donghae's body laid out on the floor. "What the --"
"Hyung!" Zhou Mi scrambled up from where he was sitting with Kyuhyun, and threw his arms around Heechul's neck, who just blinked. "Hyung, we've been so worried, we couldn't find you!"
"Never mind that, what's wrong with him?" Heechul asked, pushing Zhou Mi off him and staring at Donghae. "Is he dead?"
"No." Kibum was sitting, cross legged, on the grass beside Donghae's head. He seemed remarkably calm, but there was fear in his eyes; it was just well hidden. "He's been shot by one of their taser things. Hyori says he, like the others, should wake up soon enough."
"That didn't stop it being fucking scary though," Eunhyuk said. "He just hit the floor, they got him mid-run or something. Just appeared and hit the floor and lay there twitching. Scariest thing I've seen in my life."
Heechul, now that he knew that Donghae was fine, turned on Kyuhyun. "Why aren't you helping with the -- oh." He stopped as he caught sight of Kyuhyun's leg. It was making Hankyung feel quite sick. It was bent a little at the calf.
"Can't stand," Kyuhyun said through gritted teeth, as Zhou Mi sat back down on the ground and took his hand tightly. "Hyori told me not to move. She can't set it for fear that she'll do it wrong, and she's pulled so tight with her power that she's just barely taken the edge off the pain."
"Right," Heechul said, looking around at them, and then at the remains of the battle at the other side of the field; the ground was scorched, the grass all dead, the attackers all out black, or worse. "Could someone tell me what's going on?"
"There's been an attack on the school," Shindong said. "Isn't that obvious?"
"Well, yes," Heechul snapped. "But where are all the others?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," Shindong said. "I know Kangin keeps going in and out, trying to get as many people as he can find. I think he's hoping to find Eeteuk but--"
"Eeteuk has a room on the bottom floor."
"But," Eunhyuk said hopefully, "he'll have gone upstairs to try to help the students."
"We'll have to just hope that he's safe," Yehsung said bravely. He had a long, angry looking burn down the side of his face, which he caught Hankyung looking at. "Hyori hasn't been able to get around to me," he said with a shrug, "and Kyuhyun is in no fit state to try to treat it."
"I'm sorry, hyung," Ryeowook said tearfully. Yehsung shook his head.
"It's not your fault, Ryeowook."
"Ryeowook lashed out at someone attacking him and Yehsung got caught in the crossfire," Shindong muttered to Hankyung as explanation. "Kyuhyun's lucky to be alive, in all honesty. One of those True Gene bastards pushed him over the hallway barrier down into the entrance hall. Must have been a fifteen foot drop."
Henry was, for some reason, lying on the ground with his face in the grass. He was breathing, and no one seemed to be paying much attention to him, so Hankyung figured that he must have been fine. The wind suddenly changed direction; it blew against their faces, bringing the smell of burning. Henry suddenly got up onto his hands and knees and retched, looking harrowed and worn out. Ryeowook hugged him and rubbed against his back as he continued to dry heave. He was gasping words out in English, tears streaming down his face.
"I don't care what Professor Lee says," Ryeowook said, "Henry cannot stay here. This is going to kill him!"
"What the hell is wrong with him?" Hankyung asked, kneeling beside him and trying to comfort him, just a little if he could.
"He can feel everything," Ryeowook said. "All the pain and the fear from the mutants, and the hatred and anger from those -- those--"
"Bastards," supplied Yehsung.
"Yes!" Ryeowook looked so fierce and angry that Hankyung began to feel like he could feel his eyebrows singing. "Exactly. It's not too bad out here with the wind blowing the emotions away from him, but inside there, when it was --"
"It wasn't the attack that woke me up," Zhou Mi said. "It was Henry, screaming with the emotion of it."
"I still don't know how we got him down here," Shindong said. "Then, on the way, we found Kyuhyun, he was screaming too."
"So then we had to carry Henry, Kyuhyun and Donghae, without Siwon."
"Where is Siwon?" asked Heechul, very quietly.
"We don't know," Yehsung admitted. "Haven't seen him at all."
"He was with me," Hankyung said. "Him and Sungmin, we were on our way out when I caught sight of -- well, you, I guess. I left them to chase after Be-ran."
"Who is Be-ran?" Yehsung asked.
"No one," Heechul said. "He's no one. He doesn't matter. So Siwon got out okay?"
"Yeah," Hankyung said dubiously. "I think so."
"Hankyung," Heechul said, through gritted teeth, "'I think so' isn't good enough."
"I don't know, Heechul. He got out okay, he was right next to me, but they needed people to help get people out, so he may have gone back inside."
"Fucking Cho Be-ran." The tiny pieces of ash around Heechul began to swirl. "I wish you'd killed him." He caught sight of Hankyung's face and softened, ash dropping to the ground. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm glad you didn't. I'm impressed you didn't, after what he said about you. But still, come on, Hankyung."
"Who is Be-ran?" Yehsung demanded. "It's not fair of you to talk about this guy when none of us know him!"
"God, let it go!" Heechul snapped. "I'll tell you later, if you must know, but do you have to know now, when our school is burning around us and we don't know what's happened to some of our friends?"
"Hyung!"
They turned to see Sungmin running towards them, weaving his way through the groups of students, either injured or tending to those who weren't injured. He stopped in front of them, panting. "Hyori had me -- teleporting to -- local hospitals for -- supplies, has anyone seen -- Siwon?"
"No," Heechul exploded. "Last we knew, he was with you!"
"He went back inside to help other people. I was going to go with him, but Hyori needed me."
Yehsung scrambled to his feet, pointing towards the entrance. "Isn't that him there?"
After that, several things seemed to happen one after another. Siwon was running out of the school, with someone who looked remarkably like Eeteuk in his arms. Most of them got to their feet to watch. Suddenly, the fire seemed to grow too much to handle; it reared up again and blocked Siwon's exit. He paused, for a moment, but it was long enough for the man, who none of them had noticed before, to run around the side of the dorm building and throw something high into the air. It hit the front of the building and exploded on impact.
The entire front entrance came crashing down.
.........................................................
Dust rose in a cloud into the air over the rubble that had once been the front entrance to the school. Sound seemed to cease completely for a moment, as all attention focused on the sudden destruction. All those people, on the second or third floors, but worse than that, there was Eeteuk and Siwon --
"No!" Heechul screamed, voice so raw that his shout cracked like a whip through the sudden silence. He ran forward, trying to get to the school building, but Hankyung reached out and caught him by the waist and dragged him back, his eyes burning hot with tears of his own. The front of the school still looked dangerous though, and no matter what had just happened, Heechul couldn't risk running in there and bringing the rest of it down on his own head. "Let me go, Hankyung! Let me go, I need to --"
"No," Hankyung choked out, and in lieu of having anything else, Heechul turned on him, battering his chest with his fists hard and trying to kick his shins. Hankyung kept hold of his waist to stop him from escaping. "He'd never have survived that, Heechul."
"Yes, he will!" Heechul screamed at him. "Of course he will have, because he's Siwon, and Siwon can't be, won't be -- he's not dead, Hankyung."
"Heechul--"
"No!"
Sungmin hadn't made a noise. He was staring, blankly, at the school, completely in shock. "Wha--" And with that he fell to his knees on the ground and began to sob. There were words, hidden deep in the tears, words that were incoherent and impossible to understand. Unlike Heechul, who was still screaming at Hankyung, Sungmin's grief was so quiet that it was all the more heartbreaking.
Something went past them as a black blur, and when Hankyung managed to focus, he saw that it was a black panther, racing up to the demolished school. Kangin, it registered vaguely, but he couldn't really focus; Heechul was clinging to him. "Siwon cannot be dead, Hankyung," he was whispering, "he can't be dead because Siwon is important to me, so important to me, and he--"
"I know," Hankyung said, tears spilling over. "I know, Heechul, I know."
"Wait," Yehsung. "Wait, what? Oh my god--" And then he cut off as Ryeowook buried himself in his arms and began to sob himself, wrapping his arms around a shaking body and trying to comfort it even when he didn't really know what was going on himself. Henry was retching again, with tears streaming down his face. A few of the other students and most of the teachers had taken stock of what had happened, and were up there next to Kangin, who had returned to his human form and was trying to break through the rubble desperately. He knew, even if he hadn't been next to them, quite who had been in that entrance hall when it had come down.
Zhou Mi, who Hankyung expected to be crying, wasn't; he had his eyes closed and appeared to be concentrating, hard. Kyuhyun looked shell-shocked, but lifted himself up onto his elbows and said, "Hyung..."
Sungmin was bent over double on the grass, gasping. "I just -- I just realised, after all this time, and I never -- I never told him, because I'm such an idiot!"
Hankyung was now finding it impossible to hold Heechul up; he lowered him to the floor and pulled him into his arms and tried to smother his tears in Heechul's hair. Heechul was punching weakly at his shoulder, desperate and useless. "You can't let him die, Hankyung," he choked out.
"I can't do anything about it," Hankyung replied, voice thick.
"Please."
Zhou Mi's lips moved, and his head shot up. "I can still hear them," he murmured, then he stood up and said, loudly and excited, "I can still hear them!"
Heads turned in their direction. Shindong, rubbing Sungmin's back comfortingly, looking like he didn't know what else to do, said, "Who? Who?"
"I can hear Siwon -- it's muffled because of all the stone, but I can hear--"
He stopped after there was a shout up by the school. For a second, they all thought that more of the building was collapsing, but then they noticed that everyone seemed to be backing away from the pile of rubble itself. Everyone backed away until it was just Kangin still working his way through, apparently not even paying attention to the fact that -- was the rubblemoving? What the hell was that about?
Kangin moved a rock and Zhou Mi let out a shriek of delight and raced up to the building, Kyuhyun shouting his name desperately, struggling to move but groaning in pain and falling back down onto his back, looking grey. Zhou Mi was shouting something at Kangin, but unfortunately it was in Mandarin and Kangin couldn't understand. Not that he was really paying attention anyway. He seemed to know what he was doing.
A hand thrust up through a gap in the rocks. A shocked gasp ran through the students like a ripple in a lake. The hand began clawing at the stone around it desperately, causing Kangin to help it; Zhou Mi arrived and, although he didn't have quite the strength to be of much use, he was of some help anyway. Everyone around then suddenly caught on to what was happening and jumped forward to help.
Heechul struggled out of Hankyung's hold, and surged to his feet. "Hankyung," he said, "Hankyung, Hankyung!" And he grabbed Hankyung's wrist and dragged him up to his feet and began pulling him up to the school. They were halfway there when Siwon was finally pulled free from the wreckage, still holding onto an unconscious Eeteuk with one arm. There were a couple of cuts on his face, and his clothes were practically in tatters, but he didn't seem to harmed otherwise. People were staring at him like he was a miracle.
Kangin said something to Siwon, who handed Eeteuk over. Kangin's entire body seemed to relax, as he hurried away with Eeteuk in his arms, to see if he could find someone who could help him. Hyori had finally left whoever she had been looking after and came running to him to see what the damage to Eeteuk had been. Siwon had the grand total of five seconds to prepare himself before Heechul crashed into him, hugging tightly and crying into his chest.
"Ow," Siwon said, wincing. "Hyung, I think you're--"
"You idiot," Heechul said, and kicked him in the shin. Siwon didn't seem like he felt it, but he understood the emotion behind the violence. He stroked Heechul's hair, looking past his head to Hankyung, who felt like he was going to faint from it all. "Are you hurt?"
"No." Siwon shook his head. "It didn't hurt that much at all, it was just a bit suffocating."
"The perks," Heechul said, hysterical laughter caught in his throat, "of being superhuman."
"I'm sorry, hyung," Siwon said, hugging Heechul; it looked like a tight hug but Siwon's arms weren't really that close around him at all. "I just wanted to help, and Eeteuk-hyung was hurt, I didn't realise that something like that would happen -- how could the building just collapse like that?"
"Someone threw a bomb at it," Hankyung said, lips numb.
"What? Who?"
"Him," Heechul snarled, and pointed to where Be-ran was being restrained by a number of teachers. Something in Siwon's face twitched, and he looked like he was going to do something, but apparently Shindong had finally persuaded Sungmin to look up. He cried out Siwon's name in surprise, and Siwon's face relaxed into an almost lazy smile. Gently, he pushed Heechul over to Hankyung and headed down to Sungmin, kneeling on the grass and saying something that made Sungmin burst into laughter and throw himself at him, so that they both tumbled onto the grass hugging.
"I think I've been replaced officially," Heechul said sadly.
"I--" Hankyung said, before his legs collapsed under him and he fell to the floor in a dead faint.
***
The first thing he heard when he woke up, before he opened his eyes, was the buzz and humming of machines. His brain tried to tell him that he was surrounded by robots, and he groaned in despair.
"Hankyung?"
He opened his eyes, slowly; they felt heavy, like he'd been asleep for a long time but it still wasn't long enough. He wasn't surrounded by robots, he was just in a hospital bed, in a ward with some people hooked up to heart monitors. He stared at them, and then tipped his head to look at Heechul sitting beside the bed. "Am I on a ward with dead people?"
Heechul rolled his eyes. "No. Just a bunch of people under surveillance."
"Why am I here?"
"You'd gone into shock somewhat, they were worried about you."
Hankyung pushed himself back into a sitting position. "What about you? You're the one who was knocked out."
Heechul shrugged. "No head injuries. I'm born free, just like the wind."
"How is everyone else? How's Eeteuk?"
"Broken arm and a cracked rib, from the building collapsing. It could have been worse, if Siwon hadn't been there. He'd been hit by one of those taser things when Siwon had found him. There don't appear to be any side effects from that."
"And the others?"
"All of our friends are -- recovering. No one died, at least, which is more than can be said for...some people."
"P-people died?"
"A number."
"How?"
"Mostly when the building collapsed. They're going to have a service for them after the Christmas holidays -- but it should be noted that a lot of people survived it thanks to their powers, and the fire service evacuated them all as soon as they possibly could. I think it was mostly those True Gene people who got caught in the crossfire."
"Still..."
"I know."
Heechul stayed silent as Hankyung looked at the other people on the beds next to them. A couple of them were awake and talking to friends. Heechul cleared his throat; Hankyung turned his attention back to him. "I...they've arrested Park."
Hankyung's eyebrows shot up. "What, really?"
Heechul nodded. "She was the one who let them in. Apparently she joined the organization not long after she started working at the school, and became their eyes. She was also the one who somehow loosened the chandelier that almost killed those girls, and me, I suppose." He shrugged again. "I don't know, I knew she hated us, but I didn't think she hated us that much."
Hankyung thought about it. "There was -- always something in her eyes. I think, most of the time, she was just scared of us. I think she was scared of me, that's why she was so mean to me."
"I think she's just a bitch."
"Yeah well, that too, I guess."
A pause.
"What's happened to the True Gene men?"
"Arrested. They'll get sent to prison, no doubt about it. Be-ran--" Heechul broke off, glanced nervously at the floor. His fingers loosened around Hankyung's. "I feel -- guilty, I feel like it's my fault that this happened. Like, it's my crazy ex-boyfriend who threw the bomb and destroyed the front of the school and killed some people. If I hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been there, and maybe they'd still be alive."
"You can't hold yourself responsible for someone else's actions."
Heechul's eyes focused on his, flashing angrily. "Oh?" he asked in a low tone. "If you can blame yourself for an accident, then I can blame myself for the actions of my nutcase ex."
"They're completely different, Heechul! Besides, I kind of -- maybe I'll never forgive myself for it, but I don't feel as broken as I used to."
"You're not perfect, though," Heechul said. "You don't have to say that, I know you aren't. There are still things that you -- we? You need to work on."
"We," Hankyung said, gripping his hand. "We."
***
Hankyung, after the doctors were called in to check that he was as fine as he felt, was discharged and allowed to wander about the hospital with Heechul, to find out what had become of the others with his own two eyes. Heechul's parents were sitting in the lobby, holding plastic cups of coffee and talking earnestly to Hyori. Heechul wasn't surprised to see them, but Hankyung was, especially when Heechul's mother hugged him tightly.
"Are you feeling alright?" she wanted to know. "Are you sure that you feel good enough to leave?"
"That's what I'd like to know," Hyori said softly from behind her.
"I feel fine," Hankyung said, confused. "Why are--"
"You're coming home with me this Christmas, aren't you?" Heechul flicked him in the forehead. "Idiot. My parents are here to take us home with them, just as soon as we want to go."
"Oh," Hankyung said. Heechul's mother still had her arms around him. She smelt slightly flowery, and the hug was so real that he felt really quite close to tears. He managed to hold them in, though, and let Heechul had a moment with his parents when Hyori asked him for a quiet word.
"I called your parents," she said, looking nervous for some reason. "I told them that you were in hospital after there had been an attack on the school, but that the doctors seemed to think that you would be okay. They...wanted to know if you needed money, and then hung up after I said no."
"Okay."
Hyori shook her head. "This doesn't bother you? The fact that they don't even care?"
"Not really. They've always been like that and they probably always will. It used to annoy me but now..."
"Now?"
"Now I guess I don't need that family anymore."
She smiled, reaching out to push his hair from his forehead like he was a child. He didn't say anything about it though. "I remember," she said musingly, "when I first brought you to this school. You scared me, Hankyung. You had so many problems, so many issues. So much guilt, as such a young age. I didn't know what I, or the school, was going to be able to do for you, to be honest. I guess it worked some magic, huh?"
"I--" He stopped, swallowed against a sudden onslaught of emotion. "I'm thankful, for you and the school and -- everyone."
She hugged him, just like Heechul's mother had hugged him five minutes later. He began to feel like everyone was determined to somehow have him in tears. "Sometimes I want to punch your parents through into next week."
"They don't matter," Hankyung said. "I've realised now, I don't need their approval."
"You still want it, though, right?"
He shrugged as she pulled away. "I can live without it."
She smiled, shaking her head at him. "So mature," she murmured. "I hope everything works out, Hankyung."
Heechul's parents had booked two hotel rooms over that night, understanding that they probably wouldn't want to travel the very same day that Hankyung was discharged. It took the rush off, knowing that they weren't having to go anywhere immediately, so Hankyung and Heechul had quite a leisurely walk around the hospital, so Hankyung could see exactly what had happened to the others. Eeteuk had his own room, arm in a cast. He looked pale and rather uncomfortable, but then he was being forced to lie on his wings. Kangin was in the room with him -- no surprise there, then. He had hold of Eeteuk's hand.
"Hi, hyung," Hankyung said quietly as he came into the room. "I was just--"
"Oh, Hankyung, you're okay! No one would tell me anything." He glared at Kangin. Kangin rolled his eyes.
"Have I left this room long enough to go tripping off to find out what's happened to the others?" he asked. "No, I haven't. Anyway, they should be coming to see you, you're the most injured one."
"I have a broken arm, Kangin. Kyuhyun has a broken leg."
"No excuse."
"You're impossible," Eeteuk said with a laugh, then blushed as Kangin bent down and kissed his cheek. Hankyung blinked, before Heechul grabbed his hand and wrenched him out of the room. He paused in the doorway.
"You two disgust me," he told them.
"Right back at you, princess," Kangin sneered. Heechul held his thumbs up. Kangin just grinned all over his face as Heechul shut the door.
"Wait, what, when -- what?" Hankyung said eloquently.
"Oh, I don't know," Heechul said. "Sometime just before Eeteuk arrived at the hospital. Kangin confessed or something when he thought Eeteuk was unconscious, only Eeteuk heard him and apparently felt the same way back and just like, it's about fucking time but Kangin is so giddy about the whole thing that I just want to punch him in the face."
"Well, it's nice that something good has come from the attack?"
"I'll punch you in the face if you don't stop making excuses for him."
They turned into the part of the hospital where Siwon was being kept in observation, due to the fact that a building fell on him, only to run into Sungmin and Ryeowook sitting on a couple of chairs outside Siwon's room. Sungmin had his arm around Ryeowook, who was sobbing into in his hands. "What's wrong with him?" Heechul asked bluntly.
"I have no idea," Sungmin admitted. "Something about Yehsung and his parents, but he's crying too hard for me to understand."
"Well, I don't speak crybaby either," Heechul said. "Ryeowook, stop crying and tell us what's wrong." When that didn't work, he said, "I am tired of the drama of the past couple of days," and he grabbed Ryeowook's wrist, pulled him upright, and dragged him down the hallway. Ryeowook, who usually just went with whatever anyone told him to do, followed him without a word but continued to cry. Sungmin followed, hovering nervously, not wanting to get on Heechul's bad side but also aware that Ryeowook was probably not in a good position to deal with Heechul's lack of tact. Hankyung followed in complete confusion, kind of just wishing hiscuriousity was too strong. He'd probably have liked to just go hang with Siwon.
Yehsung was in a ward, getting treatment for the burn on his face. He looked up in surprise at the group of four trooping in, a crying Ryeowook part of them. One of the women lying in a bed next to him tutted. Heechul bestowed her with a disdainful glance before he pushed Ryeowook at Yehsung. "He's crying," he announced, like that wasn't obvious, "and he will not stop."
"Wookie?" Yehsung got out of the bed and led Ryeowook to sit down next to him, one arm around his shoulders. "What's wrong?"
"It's something to do with your parents," Sungmin supplied helpfully.
Yehsung looked nonplussed. "My parents? But they're having some lunch, why would they--"
"Dining hall," Ryeowook sobbed, "I was -- and they -- unhappy with me."
"They were unhappy with you? Why?"
Ryeowook reached up and motioned to the gauze covering the left hand side of Yehsung's face. "They blamed me."
Yehsung hesitated, looking a little annoyed. "They did? They had no right, it's not your fault, not really. I'll talk to them, Ryeowook. I'll explain to them." Ryeowook just sobbed harder. Looking desperate, Yehsung began mopping at his face with his bed cover. "Don't cry more, there's no need!"
Rolling his eyes, Heechul took hold of Hankyung's wrist and pulled him back out of the room, sending another cool glance at the woman who still looked disgruntled at the slight disruption. "Old bat," he muttered once they were out of the room, Sungmin walking next to them. "How's Siwon?"
"Fine, just like last time you asked."
"Don't get snippy with me."
"He's fine, he shouldn't even be in here, you know that."
"Great!" Hankyung almost felt like his arm was being jerked out of the socket as Heechul suddenly changed direction. "We're not going to see Siwon, then, since I'll be spending Christmas with him. We're going to go see Henry!"
"But I want to see Siwon!" Hankyung protested.
"You don't want to see Henry?"
"Of course I do, I just--"
"Great!"
"Urgh," Hankyung said, and dragged his feet a little as they made their way to Henry's room, right on the top floor for some reason. He was in a little room by himself, and as Hankyung stepped through the door, he felt a little like he'd just stepped through some kind of wall made of jelly. It was one of the oddest sensations of his life and it made him stop dead, turn around, and stick his hand out of the door. There was the same feeling, and while he had his arm outstretched, it felt like his arm just below his elbow was immersed in the same jelly stuff. "What the hell?"
"It's just some sort of a force field, god, stop being such a loser." Heechul punched his shoulder. Henry was sitting up in bed and laughing at him. "It's all for Henry's sake,empaths don't do well in hospitals. It's blocking out most of the emotions outside, but if you keep your arm in it like that you might break it." Hurriedly, Hankyung withdrew his arm. Heechul smiledsunnily. "Just joking!"
Hankyung ignored him, turning instead to Henry. He looked well, for someone who had looked like he was on the verge of dying last time Hankyung had seen him. "How are you?"
"I'm good." His voice sounded a little scratchy, his smile a little tired, but he did seem fine. Hankyung took a seat, as Henry switched the conversation into Chinese. "Ge, will you -- apologise to everyone for me?"
"What? Why for?"
"I could have -- I'm not just an empath, am I? I control non-mutant emotions too, and I just, maybe if I'd tried harder I could have calmed the whole thing down."
"Henry, you couldn't even move when I saw you, how were you supposed to have done anything against almost a hundred extremists?"
"I don't know, but I could have done something."
"No more than I could have done," Hankyung said. "I mean, I could have just taken my gloves off and killed a whole bunch of people. I didn't do that. We all did what we could, and you were in no fit state to help anyone. It may not have been a physical injury like Kyuhyun, but it was still there."
"Just so you know," Heechul interrupted, "I cannot understand a damn word you're saying."
"Henry is blaming himself for not controlling the True Gene guys and calming them down," Hankyung explained.
Heechul ruffled Henry's hair. "Aw, you're cute. Kind of dumb, but cute. Not your prerogative, Henry. You can't blame yourself."
"That's what I said," Hankyung remarked casually. Heechul narrowed his eyes at him; he'd caught the double meaning. "It's not your fault, Henry, so don't even think like that."
"But--"
They were interrupted by the door crashing open and Donghae bouncing in, holding a stuffed bear for some reason. "Hi hyung!" he said happily, hugging Hankyung exuberantly and then Heechul, before throwing the bear at Henry. "For you! Cheer up!"
"Uh," Henry said, "thanks, I guess."
"Jesus, Donghae, have you been injecting yourself with Kyuhyun's morphine?"
"No," Donghae said, affronted. "I'm just happy that we're all alright in the end."
"Hmm. Where's Kibum?"
"I don't know. He's probably avoiding me, as usual." Donghae pouted at them.
"I do not blame him. We're going to go now, and Henry, I want to hear no more of it." Heechul patted Henry once more on the head and then swept from the room. Hankyung hugged Henry and then followed Heechul out. Heechul waited until he'd closed the door before he poked Hankyung in the chest, hard. "I saw what you did there."
Hankyung pulled him into a tight, slightly suffocating hug. Heechul made a noise that sounded rather likemeep. "You are," he said, sincerely, "the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."
"Get off me," Heechul said, as he wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him even closer.
"Also, you're very, very pretty."
"You're kind of dumb but cute too. Are you sure you and Henry aren't related?"
Hankyung smiled, stepped away, admired the way the leather gloves looked black against Heechul's pale skin. "I think that's racist."
"Your face is racist."
"What, what does that even mean?"
"It means you should shut up and kiss me," Heechul said. "Stupid."
"No!" Heechul screamed, voice so raw that his shout cracked like a whip through the sudden silence. He ran forward, trying to get to the school building, but Hankyung reached out and caught him by the waist and dragged him back, his eyes burning hot with tears of his own. The front of the school still looked dangerous though, and no matter what had just happened, Heechul couldn't risk running in there and bringing the rest of it down on his own head. "Let me go, Hankyung! Let me go, I need to --"
"No," Hankyung choked out, and in lieu of having anything else, Heechul turned on him, battering his chest with his fists hard and trying to kick his shins. Hankyung kept hold of his waist to stop him from escaping. "He'd never have survived that, Heechul."
"Yes, he will!" Heechul screamed at him. "Of course he will have, because he's Siwon, and Siwon can't be, won't be -- he's not dead, Hankyung."
"Heechul--"
"No!"
Sungmin hadn't made a noise. He was staring, blankly, at the school, completely in shock. "Wha--" And with that he fell to his knees on the ground and began to sob. There were words, hidden deep in the tears, words that were incoherent and impossible to understand. Unlike Heechul, who was still screaming at Hankyung, Sungmin's grief was so quiet that it was all the more heartbreaking.
Something went past them as a black blur, and when Hankyung managed to focus, he saw that it was a black panther, racing up to the demolished school. Kangin, it registered vaguely, but he couldn't really focus; Heechul was clinging to him. "Siwon cannot be dead, Hankyung," he was whispering, "he can't be dead because Siwon is important to me, so important to me, and he--"
"I know," Hankyung said, tears spilling over. "I know, Heechul, I know."
"Wait," Yehsung. "Wait, what? Oh my god--" And then he cut off as Ryeowook buried himself in his arms and began to sob himself, wrapping his arms around a shaking body and trying to comfort it even when he didn't really know what was going on himself. Henry was retching again, with tears streaming down his face. A few of the other students and most of the teachers had taken stock of what had happened, and were up there next to Kangin, who had returned to his human form and was trying to break through the rubble desperately. He knew, even if he hadn't been next to them, quite who had been in that entrance hall when it had come down.
Zhou Mi, who Hankyung expected to be crying, wasn't; he had his eyes closed and appeared to be concentrating, hard. Kyuhyun looked shell-shocked, but lifted himself up onto his elbows and said, "Hyung..."
Sungmin was bent over double on the grass, gasping. "I just -- I just realised, after all this time, and I never -- I never told him, because I'm such an idiot!"
Hankyung was now finding it impossible to hold Heechul up; he lowered him to the floor and pulled him into his arms and tried to smother his tears in Heechul's hair. Heechul was punching weakly at his shoulder, desperate and useless. "You can't let him die, Hankyung," he choked out.
"I can't do anything about it," Hankyung replied, voice thick.
"Please."
Zhou Mi's lips moved, and his head shot up. "I can still hear them," he murmured, then he stood up and said, loudly and excited, "I can still hear them!"
Heads turned in their direction. Shindong, rubbing Sungmin's back comfortingly, looking like he didn't know what else to do, said, "Who? Who?"
"I can hear Siwon -- it's muffled because of all the stone, but I can hear--"
He stopped after there was a shout up by the school. For a second, they all thought that more of the building was collapsing, but then they noticed that everyone seemed to be backing away from the pile of rubble itself. Everyone backed away until it was just Kangin still working his way through, apparently not even paying attention to the fact that -- was the rubblemoving? What the hell was that about?
Kangin moved a rock and Zhou Mi let out a shriek of delight and raced up to the building, Kyuhyun shouting his name desperately, struggling to move but groaning in pain and falling back down onto his back, looking grey. Zhou Mi was shouting something at Kangin, but unfortunately it was in Mandarin and Kangin couldn't understand. Not that he was really paying attention anyway. He seemed to know what he was doing.
A hand thrust up through a gap in the rocks. A shocked gasp ran through the students like a ripple in a lake. The hand began clawing at the stone around it desperately, causing Kangin to help it; Zhou Mi arrived and, although he didn't have quite the strength to be of much use, he was of some help anyway. Everyone around then suddenly caught on to what was happening and jumped forward to help.
Heechul struggled out of Hankyung's hold, and surged to his feet. "Hankyung," he said, "Hankyung, Hankyung!" And he grabbed Hankyung's wrist and dragged him up to his feet and began pulling him up to the school. They were halfway there when Siwon was finally pulled free from the wreckage, still holding onto an unconscious Eeteuk with one arm. There were a couple of cuts on his face, and his clothes were practically in tatters, but he didn't seem to harmed otherwise. People were staring at him like he was a miracle.
Kangin said something to Siwon, who handed Eeteuk over. Kangin's entire body seemed to relax, as he hurried away with Eeteuk in his arms, to see if he could find someone who could help him. Hyori had finally left whoever she had been looking after and came running to him to see what the damage to Eeteuk had been. Siwon had the grand total of five seconds to prepare himself before Heechul crashed into him, hugging tightly and crying into his chest.
"Ow," Siwon said, wincing. "Hyung, I think you're--"
"You idiot," Heechul said, and kicked him in the shin. Siwon didn't seem like he felt it, but he understood the emotion behind the violence. He stroked Heechul's hair, looking past his head to Hankyung, who felt like he was going to faint from it all. "Are you hurt?"
"No." Siwon shook his head. "It didn't hurt that much at all, it was just a bit suffocating."
"The perks," Heechul said, hysterical laughter caught in his throat, "of being superhuman."
"I'm sorry, hyung," Siwon said, hugging Heechul; it looked like a tight hug but Siwon's arms weren't really that close around him at all. "I just wanted to help, and Eeteuk-hyung was hurt, I didn't realise that something like that would happen -- how could the building just collapse like that?"
"Someone threw a bomb at it," Hankyung said, lips numb.
"What? Who?"
"Him," Heechul snarled, and pointed to where Be-ran was being restrained by a number of teachers. Something in Siwon's face twitched, and he looked like he was going to do something, but apparently Shindong had finally persuaded Sungmin to look up. He cried out Siwon's name in surprise, and Siwon's face relaxed into an almost lazy smile. Gently, he pushed Heechul over to Hankyung and headed down to Sungmin, kneeling on the grass and saying something that made Sungmin burst into laughter and throw himself at him, so that they both tumbled onto the grass hugging.
"I think I've been replaced officially," Heechul said sadly.
"I--" Hankyung said, before his legs collapsed under him and he fell to the floor in a dead faint.
The first thing he heard when he woke up, before he opened his eyes, was the buzz and humming of machines. His brain tried to tell him that he was surrounded by robots, and he groaned in despair.
"Hankyung?"
He opened his eyes, slowly; they felt heavy, like he'd been asleep for a long time but it still wasn't long enough. He wasn't surrounded by robots, he was just in a hospital bed, in a ward with some people hooked up to heart monitors. He stared at them, and then tipped his head to look at Heechul sitting beside the bed. "Am I on a ward with dead people?"
Heechul rolled his eyes. "No. Just a bunch of people under surveillance."
"Why am I here?"
"You'd gone into shock somewhat, they were worried about you."
Hankyung pushed himself back into a sitting position. "What about you? You're the one who was knocked out."
Heechul shrugged. "No head injuries. I'm born free, just like the wind."
"How is everyone else? How's Eeteuk?"
"Broken arm and a cracked rib, from the building collapsing. It could have been worse, if Siwon hadn't been there. He'd been hit by one of those taser things when Siwon had found him. There don't appear to be any side effects from that."
"And the others?"
"All of our friends are -- recovering. No one died, at least, which is more than can be said for...some people."
"P-people died?"
"A number."
"How?"
"Mostly when the building collapsed. They're going to have a service for them after the Christmas holidays -- but it should be noted that a lot of people survived it thanks to their powers, and the fire service evacuated them all as soon as they possibly could. I think it was mostly those True Gene people who got caught in the crossfire."
"Still..."
"I know."
Heechul stayed silent as Hankyung looked at the other people on the beds next to them. A couple of them were awake and talking to friends. Heechul cleared his throat; Hankyung turned his attention back to him. "I...they've arrested Park."
Hankyung's eyebrows shot up. "What, really?"
Heechul nodded. "She was the one who let them in. Apparently she joined the organization not long after she started working at the school, and became their eyes. She was also the one who somehow loosened the chandelier that almost killed those girls, and me, I suppose." He shrugged again. "I don't know, I knew she hated us, but I didn't think she hated us that much."
Hankyung thought about it. "There was -- always something in her eyes. I think, most of the time, she was just scared of us. I think she was scared of me, that's why she was so mean to me."
"I think she's just a bitch."
"Yeah well, that too, I guess."
A pause.
"What's happened to the True Gene men?"
"Arrested. They'll get sent to prison, no doubt about it. Be-ran--" Heechul broke off, glanced nervously at the floor. His fingers loosened around Hankyung's. "I feel -- guilty, I feel like it's my fault that this happened. Like, it's my crazy ex-boyfriend who threw the bomb and destroyed the front of the school and killed some people. If I hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been there, and maybe they'd still be alive."
"You can't hold yourself responsible for someone else's actions."
Heechul's eyes focused on his, flashing angrily. "Oh?" he asked in a low tone. "If you can blame yourself for an accident, then I can blame myself for the actions of my nutcase ex."
"They're completely different, Heechul! Besides, I kind of -- maybe I'll never forgive myself for it, but I don't feel as broken as I used to."
"You're not perfect, though," Heechul said. "You don't have to say that, I know you aren't. There are still things that you -- we? You need to work on."
"We," Hankyung said, gripping his hand. "We."
Hankyung, after the doctors were called in to check that he was as fine as he felt, was discharged and allowed to wander about the hospital with Heechul, to find out what had become of the others with his own two eyes. Heechul's parents were sitting in the lobby, holding plastic cups of coffee and talking earnestly to Hyori. Heechul wasn't surprised to see them, but Hankyung was, especially when Heechul's mother hugged him tightly.
"Are you feeling alright?" she wanted to know. "Are you sure that you feel good enough to leave?"
"That's what I'd like to know," Hyori said softly from behind her.
"I feel fine," Hankyung said, confused. "Why are--"
"You're coming home with me this Christmas, aren't you?" Heechul flicked him in the forehead. "Idiot. My parents are here to take us home with them, just as soon as we want to go."
"Oh," Hankyung said. Heechul's mother still had her arms around him. She smelt slightly flowery, and the hug was so real that he felt really quite close to tears. He managed to hold them in, though, and let Heechul had a moment with his parents when Hyori asked him for a quiet word.
"I called your parents," she said, looking nervous for some reason. "I told them that you were in hospital after there had been an attack on the school, but that the doctors seemed to think that you would be okay. They...wanted to know if you needed money, and then hung up after I said no."
"Okay."
Hyori shook her head. "This doesn't bother you? The fact that they don't even care?"
"Not really. They've always been like that and they probably always will. It used to annoy me but now..."
"Now?"
"Now I guess I don't need that family anymore."
She smiled, reaching out to push his hair from his forehead like he was a child. He didn't say anything about it though. "I remember," she said musingly, "when I first brought you to this school. You scared me, Hankyung. You had so many problems, so many issues. So much guilt, as such a young age. I didn't know what I, or the school, was going to be able to do for you, to be honest. I guess it worked some magic, huh?"
"I--" He stopped, swallowed against a sudden onslaught of emotion. "I'm thankful, for you and the school and -- everyone."
She hugged him, just like Heechul's mother had hugged him five minutes later. He began to feel like everyone was determined to somehow have him in tears. "Sometimes I want to punch your parents through into next week."
"They don't matter," Hankyung said. "I've realised now, I don't need their approval."
"You still want it, though, right?"
He shrugged as she pulled away. "I can live without it."
She smiled, shaking her head at him. "So mature," she murmured. "I hope everything works out, Hankyung."
Heechul's parents had booked two hotel rooms over that night, understanding that they probably wouldn't want to travel the very same day that Hankyung was discharged. It took the rush off, knowing that they weren't having to go anywhere immediately, so Hankyung and Heechul had quite a leisurely walk around the hospital, so Hankyung could see exactly what had happened to the others. Eeteuk had his own room, arm in a cast. He looked pale and rather uncomfortable, but then he was being forced to lie on his wings. Kangin was in the room with him -- no surprise there, then. He had hold of Eeteuk's hand.
"Hi, hyung," Hankyung said quietly as he came into the room. "I was just--"
"Oh, Hankyung, you're okay! No one would tell me anything." He glared at Kangin. Kangin rolled his eyes.
"Have I left this room long enough to go tripping off to find out what's happened to the others?" he asked. "No, I haven't. Anyway, they should be coming to see you, you're the most injured one."
"I have a broken arm, Kangin. Kyuhyun has a broken leg."
"No excuse."
"You're impossible," Eeteuk said with a laugh, then blushed as Kangin bent down and kissed his cheek. Hankyung blinked, before Heechul grabbed his hand and wrenched him out of the room. He paused in the doorway.
"You two disgust me," he told them.
"Right back at you, princess," Kangin sneered. Heechul held his thumbs up. Kangin just grinned all over his face as Heechul shut the door.
"Wait, what, when -- what?" Hankyung said eloquently.
"Oh, I don't know," Heechul said. "Sometime just before Eeteuk arrived at the hospital. Kangin confessed or something when he thought Eeteuk was unconscious, only Eeteuk heard him and apparently felt the same way back and just like, it's about fucking time but Kangin is so giddy about the whole thing that I just want to punch him in the face."
"Well, it's nice that something good has come from the attack?"
"I'll punch you in the face if you don't stop making excuses for him."
They turned into the part of the hospital where Siwon was being kept in observation, due to the fact that a building fell on him, only to run into Sungmin and Ryeowook sitting on a couple of chairs outside Siwon's room. Sungmin had his arm around Ryeowook, who was sobbing into in his hands. "What's wrong with him?" Heechul asked bluntly.
"I have no idea," Sungmin admitted. "Something about Yehsung and his parents, but he's crying too hard for me to understand."
"Well, I don't speak crybaby either," Heechul said. "Ryeowook, stop crying and tell us what's wrong." When that didn't work, he said, "I am tired of the drama of the past couple of days," and he grabbed Ryeowook's wrist, pulled him upright, and dragged him down the hallway. Ryeowook, who usually just went with whatever anyone told him to do, followed him without a word but continued to cry. Sungmin followed, hovering nervously, not wanting to get on Heechul's bad side but also aware that Ryeowook was probably not in a good position to deal with Heechul's lack of tact. Hankyung followed in complete confusion, kind of just wishing hiscuriousity was too strong. He'd probably have liked to just go hang with Siwon.
Yehsung was in a ward, getting treatment for the burn on his face. He looked up in surprise at the group of four trooping in, a crying Ryeowook part of them. One of the women lying in a bed next to him tutted. Heechul bestowed her with a disdainful glance before he pushed Ryeowook at Yehsung. "He's crying," he announced, like that wasn't obvious, "and he will not stop."
"Wookie?" Yehsung got out of the bed and led Ryeowook to sit down next to him, one arm around his shoulders. "What's wrong?"
"It's something to do with your parents," Sungmin supplied helpfully.
Yehsung looked nonplussed. "My parents? But they're having some lunch, why would they--"
"Dining hall," Ryeowook sobbed, "I was -- and they -- unhappy with me."
"They were unhappy with you? Why?"
Ryeowook reached up and motioned to the gauze covering the left hand side of Yehsung's face. "They blamed me."
Yehsung hesitated, looking a little annoyed. "They did? They had no right, it's not your fault, not really. I'll talk to them, Ryeowook. I'll explain to them." Ryeowook just sobbed harder. Looking desperate, Yehsung began mopping at his face with his bed cover. "Don't cry more, there's no need!"
Rolling his eyes, Heechul took hold of Hankyung's wrist and pulled him back out of the room, sending another cool glance at the woman who still looked disgruntled at the slight disruption. "Old bat," he muttered once they were out of the room, Sungmin walking next to them. "How's Siwon?"
"Fine, just like last time you asked."
"Don't get snippy with me."
"He's fine, he shouldn't even be in here, you know that."
"Great!" Hankyung almost felt like his arm was being jerked out of the socket as Heechul suddenly changed direction. "We're not going to see Siwon, then, since I'll be spending Christmas with him. We're going to go see Henry!"
"But I want to see Siwon!" Hankyung protested.
"You don't want to see Henry?"
"Of course I do, I just--"
"Great!"
"Urgh," Hankyung said, and dragged his feet a little as they made their way to Henry's room, right on the top floor for some reason. He was in a little room by himself, and as Hankyung stepped through the door, he felt a little like he'd just stepped through some kind of wall made of jelly. It was one of the oddest sensations of his life and it made him stop dead, turn around, and stick his hand out of the door. There was the same feeling, and while he had his arm outstretched, it felt like his arm just below his elbow was immersed in the same jelly stuff. "What the hell?"
"It's just some sort of a force field, god, stop being such a loser." Heechul punched his shoulder. Henry was sitting up in bed and laughing at him. "It's all for Henry's sake,empaths don't do well in hospitals. It's blocking out most of the emotions outside, but if you keep your arm in it like that you might break it." Hurriedly, Hankyung withdrew his arm. Heechul smiledsunnily. "Just joking!"
Hankyung ignored him, turning instead to Henry. He looked well, for someone who had looked like he was on the verge of dying last time Hankyung had seen him. "How are you?"
"I'm good." His voice sounded a little scratchy, his smile a little tired, but he did seem fine. Hankyung took a seat, as Henry switched the conversation into Chinese. "Ge, will you -- apologise to everyone for me?"
"What? Why for?"
"I could have -- I'm not just an empath, am I? I control non-mutant emotions too, and I just, maybe if I'd tried harder I could have calmed the whole thing down."
"Henry, you couldn't even move when I saw you, how were you supposed to have done anything against almost a hundred extremists?"
"I don't know, but I could have done something."
"No more than I could have done," Hankyung said. "I mean, I could have just taken my gloves off and killed a whole bunch of people. I didn't do that. We all did what we could, and you were in no fit state to help anyone. It may not have been a physical injury like Kyuhyun, but it was still there."
"Just so you know," Heechul interrupted, "I cannot understand a damn word you're saying."
"Henry is blaming himself for not controlling the True Gene guys and calming them down," Hankyung explained.
Heechul ruffled Henry's hair. "Aw, you're cute. Kind of dumb, but cute. Not your prerogative, Henry. You can't blame yourself."
"That's what I said," Hankyung remarked casually. Heechul narrowed his eyes at him; he'd caught the double meaning. "It's not your fault, Henry, so don't even think like that."
"But--"
They were interrupted by the door crashing open and Donghae bouncing in, holding a stuffed bear for some reason. "Hi hyung!" he said happily, hugging Hankyung exuberantly and then Heechul, before throwing the bear at Henry. "For you! Cheer up!"
"Uh," Henry said, "thanks, I guess."
"Jesus, Donghae, have you been injecting yourself with Kyuhyun's morphine?"
"No," Donghae said, affronted. "I'm just happy that we're all alright in the end."
"Hmm. Where's Kibum?"
"I don't know. He's probably avoiding me, as usual." Donghae pouted at them.
"I do not blame him. We're going to go now, and Henry, I want to hear no more of it." Heechul patted Henry once more on the head and then swept from the room. Hankyung hugged Henry and then followed Heechul out. Heechul waited until he'd closed the door before he poked Hankyung in the chest, hard. "I saw what you did there."
Hankyung pulled him into a tight, slightly suffocating hug. Heechul made a noise that sounded rather likemeep. "You are," he said, sincerely, "the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."
"Get off me," Heechul said, as he wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him even closer.
"Also, you're very, very pretty."
"You're kind of dumb but cute too. Are you sure you and Henry aren't related?"
Hankyung smiled, stepped away, admired the way the leather gloves looked black against Heechul's pale skin. "I think that's racist."
"Your face is racist."
"What, what does that even mean?"
"It means you should shut up and kiss me," Heechul said. "Stupid."
.....................................................
Someone had just sat down on his stomach, heavily. He gasped out, startled awake, as the weight left his body by pushing off from it. He rolled onto his side, a little bit winded. "Great, you're awake," Heechul said. Hankyung wheezed at him. "You were sleeping for too long."
Hankyung managed to crack open his eyes, searching for his watch and holding it up to the light. "It's seven in the morning," he said, horrified.
"It's Christmas," Heechul said, sitting on the edge of the bed this time and putting his hands on his side and shaking him. Hankyung groaned and tried to bury himself under the pillows. "It's tradition, you get up early on Christmas."
"What?"
"I know you're new to this but seriously, you can't just overthrow traditions because you feel like it."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Hankyung told him, turning over onto his back. Sometimes he was surprised that talking to Heechul didn't just reduce him to tears of frustration. Heechul grinned at him and patted the covers over his stomach.
"Come on, get up, we have presents to open!" He jumped up off the bed and ran from the room, before Hankyung could say what was on his mind, which was we? He sat upright, smothering a yawn with the back of his hand. Pulling on a pair of jogging bottoms lying on the floor next to the bed, he was once again struck by the strange reality he found himself in. Heechul's spare bedroom had, for all intents and purposes, became Hankyung's own room. He felt like he was in that strange transition of feeling like a guest and feeling like part of the family, and he wondered if, by the end of the next week or so, if he'd end up more on the latter side than he felt he should be.
He could hear noise coming from downstairs as he came into the hallway, Heechul shouting something to his dad who was probably in the kitchen, since Hankyung didn't hear his reply. Heechul's mother came out of her bedroom, a pale pink dressing gown pulled around her. She smiled at him, as he lowered his head in greeting. "You're up early," she said. "Well, I suppose we both are."
"Heechul woke me up," Hankyung told her, wincing a little as she laughed. Maybe he wasn't supposed to blame Heechul for it.
"He tends to do that on Christmas morning," she said. "He's like a five year old every time. Sometimes I'd like his friends from school to see him like this, his reputation would be ruined within seconds."
That, Hankyung soon found out, was true to some extent, but Heechul still managed to retain what made him Heechul even while he was doing a damn good impression of Donghae, practically bouncing off the ceiling in happiness. The second Hankyung commented on it, Heechul shot him down with a very well placed barbed comment, which just reminded Hankyung who he was talking to. He stayed quiet, sitting on the sofa, while presents were handed around.
Heechul ripped open the paper on a collection of DVDs of some show that he apparently liked. Hankyung peered curiously at them, which made Heechul nudge him in the side and inform him that they'd be spending the rest of their break watching the show. Hankyung shrugged, not really bothered either way. Heechul rolled his eyes. "You're so apathetic." Hankyung shrugged again, a smile on his lips.
"Hankyung." Hankyung looked around to see Heechul's parents holding out a brightly wrapped present. Hankyung blinked, then glanced at Heechul, then back at the present.
"What?" he asked.
"It's for you, idiot," Heechul said, nudging him in the side. "Just take it."
"For me?" Hankyung couldn't quite grasp hold of the situation. "But why?"
"It's a gift, Hankyung," Heechul's mother said softly. "From us."
Hankyung, still a little confused, reached out and took it. It seemed to be a middle-sized box, something squashy on top. He hadn't expected to receive anything. He wasn't part of this family truly, and the idea of getting something from another person was just so bizarre to him that he was slightly non-plussed as he carefully -- Heechul snorted at him -- tore the sticky tape off and unfolded the paper, to reveal a pair of soft grey leather gloves and a box with a picture of some sort of device on the front.
Choosing to focus on the bigger thing, he lay the gloves to one side and inspected the box. It was something that he at least recognised from adverts on the television, but he'd never really paid that much attention to it before. He looked up, brow furrowed. "What is this?" he asked, perhaps rather dumbly.
"It's an iPod," Heechul said, doing that thing where he sounded like he was explaining something very simple to someone very stupid.
"Yes, but--"
"It's for you, Hankyung." Heechul's mother was smiling at him like she knew exactly what was going through his mind. "We thought you might like one."
"I would," Hankyung murmured, then spoke up, "I do, I mean, I appreciate it! But I -- I can't afford to pay for it, you see, so I really can't accept it."
Laughter from the people around him. "Hankyung," said Heechul's mother, amusement in her eyes. "We don't expect you to pay us for it. That's the whole point of a present."
"Oh." He tried to think about the advert, but couldn't come up with anything. "What does it do?"
Heechul, it soon appeared, was outraged at his lack of knowledge. "You listen to music with it!"
"You do?" Hankyung opened the box, revealing a slim, bright blue handheld device with a large screen. He stared at it. It stared back. "How?"
"This is going to be hard work," Heechul sighed.
"I'll go make some tea!" his mother said happily, and after a moment or two, his father got up and joined her. There was a brief pause, Hankyung's hands playing with theiPod.
"Are you going to cry?" Heechul asked, breaking the silence. "That would be awkward, just so you know."
"I'm not going to cry," Hankyung reassured him. "I'm just -- shocked, that's all. I never expected to be given anything, especially not this."
"Lame." Heechul took the music player from his hands. "You don't even know how to use it."
"Yeah, but I'm sure you'll show me."
Heechul smiled and lay the iPod aside. "You haven't looked at your other present."
Hankyung knew he hadn't, mainly because he was avoiding it. He picked the leather gloves and sat with them in his hands, just looking at them. "You can wear them," Heechul told him. "They're to replace the ones you have now, because they're kind of falling apart."
Slowly, Hankyung took off the gloves he had worn for six years and lay them on his lap. He picked up the left hand glove of the new pair, but before he could do anything, Heechul reached out and grabbed his wrist. Hankyung dropped the glove onto the floor, made some sort of noise like a dying animal, and tried to jerk back; Heechul didn't let him. "Hankyung," he said, seriously, sincerely, kind of vulnerably. "Touch me."
"Heechul," Hankyung hissed, trying to pull away, "let go, are you crazy, what are you--"
"Hankyung, just for a second. Just, for a single second, at least. Just put your hand on mine and feel, for just a second."
"You don't understand the dangers, Heechul--"
"I understand the dangers, Hankyung. I also understand that there is no danger in you putting your hand on mine for just a second."
Hankyung though, by his own calculations, had at least eleven seconds of spare time, even just going from what he knew about touching plants. Pulling away before eleven seconds surely -- surely couldn't hurt. The feel of Heechul's skin against his hand; could he really live without knowing what that was like? "I don't have to," he said. "I can feel you, touch you by other means."
"Yeah," Heechul said, slight turn up of the mouth. "You can. But this will be something new."
Just once, Hankyung told himself. Just once, to try it out. With that in mind, he didn't take Heechul's hand -- since he was fearful, on some level, that his fingers would close around him and he wouldn't be able to make himself let go -- and instead placed the palm of his hand against Heechul's cheek. The skin was colder than the skin of his hands had become under the gloves, so that the sensation was slightly odd. Heechul breathed out, shakily, and the air of it puffed against the pad of Hankyung's thumb. It was, he had to admit, after years of never touching skin with his hands, rather erotic.
He withdrew, after Heechul's eyes had fluttered shut, with a slight feeling of alarm. Heechul's eyes opened straight afterwards though, and he leaned down and picked up the glove where it had fallen on the floor, and handed it to him.
"There," he said, as Hankyung hurried pulled them on. "That wasn't too bad, was it?"
twelve years later
"That's so cool," Taemin gushed, as Spiderman swung himself around a series of buildings and came to a stop on the roof of somewhere in New York City. "He is so cool! Daddy, he's even cooler than you."
Not too sure which one he was talking about, Heechul nonetheless looked at Hankyung from across the room like he'd just been informed that actually, pigs did fly. Hankyung opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a scornful snort from Amber. "Don't be silly," she said. "No one is cooler than Dad." Hankyung nodded in a wise way. "He can lift things with his mind, that's much cooler than swinging from buildings."
Hankyung deflated next to her. Heechul, Taemin in his lap, flashed him a victory sign over the boy's head. Amber continued; "Anyway, he had to bebitted before he got his powers."
"I think you mean bitten," Heechul said absently, Taemin bouncing around too much for him to pay attention.
"We should watch the film," Hankyung said.
"Mother's annoyed," Heechul said sarcastically, which made Amber giggle into her hands and Hankyung to glare at him. His attention was diverted, however, when Amber took his hand, playing like she always had done, for some reason, with the opening of his glove. She settled down next to him, fiddling with it, eyes focused on the television for the rest of the movie. It wasn't until it had finished, when Heechul was trying to get Taemin to stop running around the room pretending to be Spiderman -- eventually just shooting his body into the air and making him hang there until he agreed to be quiet -- that Amber said, very quietly, "Don't worry, Papa, I think you're pretty cool too."
"I should think so," Hankyung said, before tickling her.
Hankyung managed to crack open his eyes, searching for his watch and holding it up to the light. "It's seven in the morning," he said, horrified.
"It's Christmas," Heechul said, sitting on the edge of the bed this time and putting his hands on his side and shaking him. Hankyung groaned and tried to bury himself under the pillows. "It's tradition, you get up early on Christmas."
"What?"
"I know you're new to this but seriously, you can't just overthrow traditions because you feel like it."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Hankyung told him, turning over onto his back. Sometimes he was surprised that talking to Heechul didn't just reduce him to tears of frustration. Heechul grinned at him and patted the covers over his stomach.
"Come on, get up, we have presents to open!" He jumped up off the bed and ran from the room, before Hankyung could say what was on his mind, which was we? He sat upright, smothering a yawn with the back of his hand. Pulling on a pair of jogging bottoms lying on the floor next to the bed, he was once again struck by the strange reality he found himself in. Heechul's spare bedroom had, for all intents and purposes, became Hankyung's own room. He felt like he was in that strange transition of feeling like a guest and feeling like part of the family, and he wondered if, by the end of the next week or so, if he'd end up more on the latter side than he felt he should be.
He could hear noise coming from downstairs as he came into the hallway, Heechul shouting something to his dad who was probably in the kitchen, since Hankyung didn't hear his reply. Heechul's mother came out of her bedroom, a pale pink dressing gown pulled around her. She smiled at him, as he lowered his head in greeting. "You're up early," she said. "Well, I suppose we both are."
"Heechul woke me up," Hankyung told her, wincing a little as she laughed. Maybe he wasn't supposed to blame Heechul for it.
"He tends to do that on Christmas morning," she said. "He's like a five year old every time. Sometimes I'd like his friends from school to see him like this, his reputation would be ruined within seconds."
That, Hankyung soon found out, was true to some extent, but Heechul still managed to retain what made him Heechul even while he was doing a damn good impression of Donghae, practically bouncing off the ceiling in happiness. The second Hankyung commented on it, Heechul shot him down with a very well placed barbed comment, which just reminded Hankyung who he was talking to. He stayed quiet, sitting on the sofa, while presents were handed around.
Heechul ripped open the paper on a collection of DVDs of some show that he apparently liked. Hankyung peered curiously at them, which made Heechul nudge him in the side and inform him that they'd be spending the rest of their break watching the show. Hankyung shrugged, not really bothered either way. Heechul rolled his eyes. "You're so apathetic." Hankyung shrugged again, a smile on his lips.
"Hankyung." Hankyung looked around to see Heechul's parents holding out a brightly wrapped present. Hankyung blinked, then glanced at Heechul, then back at the present.
"What?" he asked.
"It's for you, idiot," Heechul said, nudging him in the side. "Just take it."
"For me?" Hankyung couldn't quite grasp hold of the situation. "But why?"
"It's a gift, Hankyung," Heechul's mother said softly. "From us."
Hankyung, still a little confused, reached out and took it. It seemed to be a middle-sized box, something squashy on top. He hadn't expected to receive anything. He wasn't part of this family truly, and the idea of getting something from another person was just so bizarre to him that he was slightly non-plussed as he carefully -- Heechul snorted at him -- tore the sticky tape off and unfolded the paper, to reveal a pair of soft grey leather gloves and a box with a picture of some sort of device on the front.
Choosing to focus on the bigger thing, he lay the gloves to one side and inspected the box. It was something that he at least recognised from adverts on the television, but he'd never really paid that much attention to it before. He looked up, brow furrowed. "What is this?" he asked, perhaps rather dumbly.
"It's an iPod," Heechul said, doing that thing where he sounded like he was explaining something very simple to someone very stupid.
"Yes, but--"
"It's for you, Hankyung." Heechul's mother was smiling at him like she knew exactly what was going through his mind. "We thought you might like one."
"I would," Hankyung murmured, then spoke up, "I do, I mean, I appreciate it! But I -- I can't afford to pay for it, you see, so I really can't accept it."
Laughter from the people around him. "Hankyung," said Heechul's mother, amusement in her eyes. "We don't expect you to pay us for it. That's the whole point of a present."
"Oh." He tried to think about the advert, but couldn't come up with anything. "What does it do?"
Heechul, it soon appeared, was outraged at his lack of knowledge. "You listen to music with it!"
"You do?" Hankyung opened the box, revealing a slim, bright blue handheld device with a large screen. He stared at it. It stared back. "How?"
"This is going to be hard work," Heechul sighed.
"I'll go make some tea!" his mother said happily, and after a moment or two, his father got up and joined her. There was a brief pause, Hankyung's hands playing with theiPod.
"Are you going to cry?" Heechul asked, breaking the silence. "That would be awkward, just so you know."
"I'm not going to cry," Hankyung reassured him. "I'm just -- shocked, that's all. I never expected to be given anything, especially not this."
"Lame." Heechul took the music player from his hands. "You don't even know how to use it."
"Yeah, but I'm sure you'll show me."
Heechul smiled and lay the iPod aside. "You haven't looked at your other present."
Hankyung knew he hadn't, mainly because he was avoiding it. He picked the leather gloves and sat with them in his hands, just looking at them. "You can wear them," Heechul told him. "They're to replace the ones you have now, because they're kind of falling apart."
Slowly, Hankyung took off the gloves he had worn for six years and lay them on his lap. He picked up the left hand glove of the new pair, but before he could do anything, Heechul reached out and grabbed his wrist. Hankyung dropped the glove onto the floor, made some sort of noise like a dying animal, and tried to jerk back; Heechul didn't let him. "Hankyung," he said, seriously, sincerely, kind of vulnerably. "Touch me."
"Heechul," Hankyung hissed, trying to pull away, "let go, are you crazy, what are you--"
"Hankyung, just for a second. Just, for a single second, at least. Just put your hand on mine and feel, for just a second."
"You don't understand the dangers, Heechul--"
"I understand the dangers, Hankyung. I also understand that there is no danger in you putting your hand on mine for just a second."
Hankyung though, by his own calculations, had at least eleven seconds of spare time, even just going from what he knew about touching plants. Pulling away before eleven seconds surely -- surely couldn't hurt. The feel of Heechul's skin against his hand; could he really live without knowing what that was like? "I don't have to," he said. "I can feel you, touch you by other means."
"Yeah," Heechul said, slight turn up of the mouth. "You can. But this will be something new."
Just once, Hankyung told himself. Just once, to try it out. With that in mind, he didn't take Heechul's hand -- since he was fearful, on some level, that his fingers would close around him and he wouldn't be able to make himself let go -- and instead placed the palm of his hand against Heechul's cheek. The skin was colder than the skin of his hands had become under the gloves, so that the sensation was slightly odd. Heechul breathed out, shakily, and the air of it puffed against the pad of Hankyung's thumb. It was, he had to admit, after years of never touching skin with his hands, rather erotic.
He withdrew, after Heechul's eyes had fluttered shut, with a slight feeling of alarm. Heechul's eyes opened straight afterwards though, and he leaned down and picked up the glove where it had fallen on the floor, and handed it to him.
"There," he said, as Hankyung hurried pulled them on. "That wasn't too bad, was it?"
twelve years later
"That's so cool," Taemin gushed, as Spiderman swung himself around a series of buildings and came to a stop on the roof of somewhere in New York City. "He is so cool! Daddy, he's even cooler than you."
Not too sure which one he was talking about, Heechul nonetheless looked at Hankyung from across the room like he'd just been informed that actually, pigs did fly. Hankyung opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a scornful snort from Amber. "Don't be silly," she said. "No one is cooler than Dad." Hankyung nodded in a wise way. "He can lift things with his mind, that's much cooler than swinging from buildings."
Hankyung deflated next to her. Heechul, Taemin in his lap, flashed him a victory sign over the boy's head. Amber continued; "Anyway, he had to bebitted before he got his powers."
"I think you mean bitten," Heechul said absently, Taemin bouncing around too much for him to pay attention.
"We should watch the film," Hankyung said.
"Mother's annoyed," Heechul said sarcastically, which made Amber giggle into her hands and Hankyung to glare at him. His attention was diverted, however, when Amber took his hand, playing like she always had done, for some reason, with the opening of his glove. She settled down next to him, fiddling with it, eyes focused on the television for the rest of the movie. It wasn't until it had finished, when Heechul was trying to get Taemin to stop running around the room pretending to be Spiderman -- eventually just shooting his body into the air and making him hang there until he agreed to be quiet -- that Amber said, very quietly, "Don't worry, Papa, I think you're pretty cool too."
"I should think so," Hankyung said, before tickling her.
.....................THE END....................
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